Reading by classically trained actor and theatrical director ERIC R. HILL 

***NO ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE!***

Description:
Welcome to the chilling finale of SHOCKtober! Brace yourself as we delve into Guts by Chuck Palahniuk, a visceral short story that pushes the boundaries of horror and tension. This dramatic reading captures the raw emotion and shock of Palahniuk's dark and unforgettable tale, guaranteed to leave you breathless. Known for its intense narrative, Guts has shocked audiences worldwide and remains one of the most unforgettable pieces in horror literature.

Join us for a gripping finale that will make your skin crawl. Perfect for fans of horror fiction, dark storytelling, and unforgettable short stories, this reading of Guts will keep you on edge. Make sure to subscribe to STORIES TELLING STORIES for more terrifying content, and don’t forget to check out all of our SHOCKtober episodes, featuring dramatic readings of horror’s most haunting tales.

Keywords:

Chuck Palahniuk, 

Guts

 short story, dramatic reading, 

SHOCKtober

 series, horror literature, visceral horror, thriller stories, dark storytelling, classic horror, horror short stories, 

STORIES TELLING STORIES

, disturbing stories, intense horror, gripping narration, 

SHOCKtober 2024

, horror series finale, horror fiction.

Welcome to episode 4 of SHOCKtober 2024 on STORIES TELLING STORIES! This Halloween, dive into the haunting world of Stephen King's short story Nona, a twisted tale of obsession, love, and terror. In this dramatic reading, we follow a drifter whose chance meeting with a mysterious woman, Nona, drags him down a dark path filled with violence and madness. Will he discover the truth behind her power, or be destroyed by her influence?

This immersive storytelling experience brings King's dark vision to life with soundscapes, dramatic pacing, and atmospheric effects to heighten the tension. Whether you're a die-hard Stephen King fan or simply love horror fiction, prepare to be captivated by Nona's chilling descent into the unknown.

In this chilling tale of despair and survival, a supercomputer named AM has eliminated humanity, leaving only a few survivors to endure its relentless torment. Dive into the psychological depths of fear, isolation, and the struggle for autonomy in a world stripped of hope. 

📖 **Story Highlights:** 

- Explore the themes of technology and control. 

- Witness the chilling consequences of a world dominated by artificial intelligence. 

- Experience Ellison's masterful prose that captivates and disturbs. 

🖤 Whether you're a longtime fan of sci-fi or new to Ellison's work, this reading promises to provoke thought and stir emotions.

 Don't forget to like, subscribe, and hit the notification bell for more literary explorations! 

🔗 **Follow us on social media for more!** 

#HarlanEllison #ShortStoryReading #ScienceFiction #IAM #LiteraryPodcast #AIAwareness 

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"AND OF CLAY ARE WE CREATED" 

by Isabel Allende 

Translated by Margaret Sayer Peden

Narration Performed 

by Eric R. Hill

Narration by Eric R. Hill

Audioplay Adapted 
by Eric R. Hill 

“That Feeling, You Can Only Say What It Is in French” is a horror short story by Stephen King. It was published in The New Yorker magazine on June 22, 1998 and was later included in King's short story collection Everything's Eventual... The story is about a married woman who is on a trip to Florida with her husband to celebrate their 25th anniversary, but no matter how many times she feels deja vu in the car, she keeps waking up in the plane and experiencing the same events over and over again… Stephen King suggests that Hell is not "other people" but rather repetition, enduring the same pain over and over again without end. 

*** 

STARRING 

CAROL SHELTON 
Diane Jennings 

BILL SHELTON, PILOT, NARRATOR 
Eric R. Hill 

*** 

ABOUT THE CAST 

DIANE JENNINGS is an Irish Girl who often travels to the USA and offers a unique perspective comparing how everyday things are in Europe vs America & Canada. The channel appeals to those interested in a bit of craic & connecting with their Irish heritage in a fun upbeat way. 

Diane posts 2-3 times EVERY week. Usually on Mondays,Wednesdays & Fridays & is always available to interact during the First Hour of upload, so turn those notifications on. 

For bonus content check out Diane's Patreon where you will also get early release music reactions https://www.patreon.com/dianejennings 

You can also become a member to view these personal videos and unlock custom emojis and badges https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCep4XCEgpz2TZJkbk-rf5Pw/join 

Diane Jennings Patreon patreon.com/DianeJennings 

Diane Jennings Channel Membership youtube.com/channel/UCep4XCEgpz2TZJkbk-rf5Pw/join 

Diane Jennings Tik Tok tiktok.com/@dianodrama 

Diane Jennings Instagram instagram.com/dianodrama 

Diane Jennings Merch diane-jennings-shop.fourthwall.com/en-eur 

ERIC R HILL is an actor, director, playwright, composer, and lyricist from Vermont, USA. He holds degrees in Musical Theater Playwriting, and in Acting & Directing. He is also the Technical Director and Playwright-in-Residence for FSMAC-QuarryWorks Theater, a non-profit arts organization in Central Vermont. Eric is the founder and Creative Director of SEEING REDD Productions and STS Media, and the frontman of the alt-rock band “MUD SEASON.” When he is not busy creating, he is either driving to or from work or trying to find a fleeting moment to sleep. 

You can catch him on Twitch Tuesdays/Fridays at twitch.tv/ericthereddvt 

*** 

You can support STORIES TELLING STORIES on Patreon or by joining YouTube Memberships for as little as $1 a month. You can unlock episodes at least 24hrs in advance as well as gain access to BTS content, musings from the production desk, and more. 

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NARRATION by Eric R. Hill

PRODUCTION by STS Media | Seeing ReDD Productions

"All That You Love Will Be Carried Away" is a short story by Stephen King. It was originally published in the January 29, 2001 issue of The New Yorker magazine. In 2002, it was included in King's collection Everything's Eventual. 

Narration by Eric R. Hill

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Narration by Eric R. Hill

STORY:  "Luckey Quarter"

AUTHOR:  Stephen King

READER:  Eric R. Hill

"What Christmas Is as We Grow Older" was first published way back in 1851. 

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Narrated by Eric R. Hill

Narration by
Eric R. Hill

STS SPOOKTOBER  2023 was produced in collaboration with Stories Telling Stories and STS Media Group… writing you a personal letter at Mitlhouse Studios in Milton, Vermont… Casting around the globe to your frontal lobe wherever podcasts are found… SPOOKTOBER is also streaming on YouTube @ StoriesTellingStories.  Make sure to give us a review wherever you stream our show, we really appreciate it!  You can show your support for free by following us on Facebook and Instagram, help us get to 500 subscribers by subscribing on our YouTube Channel, and if you so choose, going a step further and supporting us on Patreon for $1 a month or more!

And until next year... Stay spooky!

STS SPOOKTOBER is produced in collaboration with Stories Telling Stories and STS Media Group… writing you a personal letter at Mitlhouse Studios in Milton, Vermont… Casting around the globe to your frontal lobe wherever podcasts are found… SPOOKTOBER is also streaming on YouTube @ StoriesTellingStories.  Make sure to give us a review wherever you stream our show, we really appreciate it!  You can show your support for free by following us on Facebook and Instagram, help us get to 500 subscribers by subscribing on our YouTube Channel, and if you so choose, going a step further and supporting us on Patreon for $1 a month or more!

And until next time... Stay spooky!

Performed by Eric R. Hill

***

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“Hell to the King” is our SPOOKTOBER tribute to one of the most prolific, iconic, and important contemporary authors of horror, and a true living legend… Stephen King.  We will be highlighting 5 lesser-known short stories this month, so make sure you subscribe so you don’t miss the next one. 

STS SPOOKTOBER was produced in collaboration with Stories Telling Stories and STS Media Group… eating you alive at Mitlhouse Studios in Milton, Vermont… Casting around the globe to your frontal lobe wherever podcasts are found… SPOOKTOBER is also streaming on YouTube @ StoriesTellingStories.  Make sure to give us a review wherever you stream our show, we really appreciate it!  You can show your support for free by following us on Facebook and Instagram, subscribing on our YouTube Channel, and if you so choose, going a step further and supporting us on Patreon for $1 a month or more!

Narration by Eric R. Hill

Analysis written and read by Eric R. Hill

"Letters to Katie" read by Cassandra Cibra

Written and Read
by Eric R. Hill

Originally told by Allen Morse from the small town of Calais, Vermont, "A Strange Tale" speaks of a first-hand account of a handful of residents freezing their elderly and infirm in order to save resources enough to survive the brutal winters - only to turn around in the spring and return their frozen kin to perfect health in time to plant the spring corn.

My family and the Morses have history going back to the founding of the village of Calais, and I've heard talk of this as an old secret of the mountains before I ever discovered the published account.  Did the founding families of Calais possess the secrets of human hiberation, or is this just another of Allen Morse's tall tales?  You be the judge...

LOCKED IN A VACANCY ep31

"The Vampyre" by John William Polidori

First published in 1819

Recited by Eric R. Hill

Read by Eric R. Hill

Read by Eric R. Hill

As read by Eric R. Hill

All photo and video footage from my personal or family collection

Another surprisingly fresh and relevant story from the godfather of the short story, Guy de Maupassant.  The sign of a true work is how relatable it remains after its auther is gone.  And considering it's been over a century, I think it's safe to say that Guy's work may outlive us all.  

Voice Acting by Eric R. Hill

LOCKED IN A VACANCY is produced in collaboration with Stories Telling Stories and STS Media Group… Socially Isolating itself at Mitlhouse Studios in Milton, Vermont… Casting around the globe to your frontal lobe wherever podcasts are found… LOCKED IN A VACANCY is also streaming on YouTube @ StoriesTellingStories.  Make sure to give us a review wherever you stream our show, we really appreciate it!  Make sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram, give us a subscribe on YouTube, and consider supporting us on Patreon for exclusive rewards starting at $1 a month or more!

And until next time... Stay sane, stay safe, and stay Whimsical!

Or is it…?

Join us for a new series narrated by the legendary Sir Charles Brattleboro as we examine what caused the decline of  the saxophone in popular music... from the definition of "sex" to the butt of the horn section.

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We at STS stand with the people in Ukraine and condemn the invasion by Russian President Putin, and would like to use this episode to remind people of the stark comparisons that can already be made between this conflict and WWI - "the war to end all wars."  Those who do not study history are doomed to repeat it...

Read by Eric R Hill

Eric R Hill & Rickshaw Tom

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“Forty Yards of Naugahyde, a Girl, and a Dream”

By Phil Perlman

From Throw Momma from the Train

Written and Performed 

by Eric R. Hill

This has been the premiere episode of Season 5 of STORIES TELLING STORIES, we’re glad you’re here.  The STS network delivers high quality pop culture content from around the globe to your frontal lobe - directly into your brain-head.  The STS network of shows is available on the STORIES TELLING STORIES YouTube channel and in traditional audio format on Spotify, Apple Music, and wherever podcasts are found.  STS is 100% independent with no ads or corporate sponsors cluttering up the content thanks to the generosity of our supporters.  And you can help keep it that way with a donation on PayPal or by joining the STORIES TELLING STORIES Patreon for $1 or more. If you like what you hear, please leave a review and share this episode with your family and friends so we can continue to grow the series through Season 5 and beyond.

And until next time… stay whimsical.

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Additional Content Written by Eric R Hill

Voice Talent:  Eric R Hill, Thomas M Hunt

PLEASE CLICK THAT SUBSCRIBE BUTTON TO SUPPORT THE SERIES AND HELP KEEP STORIES TELLING STORIES ALIVE!! 

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A long time ago, before there were computers, TV’s, cars, or electricity . . . a time when people went from one place to another by walking, or by riding a horse. A time when families gathered near the fire to stay warm as the weather turned cold. A time when children would listen to stories... stories that answered their curious questions. 

Long before people were called Christians or Pagans, a fair-skinned, dark haired clan called Celts lived on a beautiful green island. On this island, at the end of each summer harvest they would have a celebration called the Festival of Samhain. Samhain marks the end of the year, when skies darken early and the weather turns cold. They knew that some among them would not survive the winter. They would gather and build a giant bonfire; share the harvest with neighbors and talk with friends. They would wear costumes and try to tell each other’s fortunes. They danced and sang, playing all sorts of games. At the end of the celebration, they carried embers from the bonfire in a turnip to light their fireplaces at home, to help protect them during the winter.

Until… The Romans conquered the Celtic lands. The Romans combined two of their own festivals with the Celtic celebration of Samhain. One was Feralia, a day in late October when the Romans honored the dead. The other honored Pomona, the Roman goddess of fruit and trees. The apple is the symbol of Pomona… bobbing for apples, anyone?

Many years later, Christianity spread to Celtic lands. The Pope replaced the Celtic festival with a religious holiday. November 1 became All-hallowmas, or All Saints’ Day. The night before, which was the night of Samhain, became All-hallows Eve, and eventually Halloween. The celebration remained similar to Samhain. They still had bonfires, costumes, parties and parades.

When Europeans came to America, they brought their Halloween traditions with them. As all the traditions of the different ethnic groups meshed, an American amalgamation appeared. Dressing up in costumes, going from house to house, and asking for food or money are customs from Ireland and England. Telling fortunes the night before Halloween by opening cabbages - and occasionally leaving them on the doorsteps came from a Scottish tradition that adopted a negative connotation as an excuse for petty crime and vandalism, dubbed “Cabbage Night” in Vermont and New Hampshire… but far less severe as the Devil’s Night arsons that would rage across Detroit in the mid 20th century...

These customs became America’s “trick-or-treat” tradition. When the Irish came to America, they found pumpkins to be more plentiful than the turnips they used for Jack-O-Lanterns. So a hollowed-out pumpkin became the American Jack-O-Lantern.  Traditions continue to morph as time passes.  In another few generations, what constitutes American Halloween may not be recognizable to those of us alive today… just as our current traditions are mere tributes to the celebrations of the past…  But not all October traditions are Games to be toyed with… This is… THE OCTOBER GAME by Ray Bradbury, closing out SPOOKTOBER 2021 on Stories Telling Stories...

Life is an endless journey. But a journey that does, ultimately, end...

STORY BY RYAN BRENNAMAN

NARRATION BY ERIC R. HILL

Scholars disagree over the origins of the Crossroads myth. Some maintain that the story originated in Africa, with Satan representing an African trickster deity such as the Dahomean Legba or Yoruba Eshu. This interpretation places the tale in a broader cultural context and elevates the musician to spiritual status. Other folklorists argue that the tale possesses many Western elements and reflects slavery’s impact on African American life. Regardless of its precise origins, the myth has become most associated with early twentieth-century bluesman Robert Johnson.

But take the bluesman and the Mississippi Delta out of the story, and you’re left with a familiar and repeating myth that has echoed throughout modern human history… drawing its closest western parallel to the German myth about Faust… who is a highly successful man yet is dissatisfied with his life, which leads him to make a pact with the Devil at a crossroads, exchanging his soul for unlimited knowledge and worldly pleasures. 

The Faust legend has been the basis for many literary, artistic, cinematic, and musical works that have recycled and reinterpreted the basic story through the ages. "Faust" and the adjective "Faustian" imply sacrificing spiritual values for power, knowledge, or material gain.  But if you take another step back, you can see that all these Faustian myths share similar structure with the Theophilus legend, recorded in the 13th century, in which a saintly figure makes a bargain with the keeper of the infernal world, but is rescued from paying his debt to society through the mercy of the Blessed Virgin… which itself can be traced back to Saint Theophilus the Penitent or Theophilus of Adana, who was a cleric in the sixth century Church and is said to have made a deal with the Devil to gain an ecclesiastical position.   His story is significant as it is one of the oldest popular stories of a pact with the devil and was an inspiration for the Thelphilus legend, which inspired Faust legend… which in turn may have inspired the crossroads myth of the Mississippi Delta and cemented the legacy of one Robert Johnson.

Except… this explanation of western religion says nothing about the similarities existing for centuries within the previously mentioned myths stemming from African folklore... Could it be that 6th Century historians simply appropriated this piece of African cultural heritage?  It wouldn’t be the first time… or perhaps we’re digging too deep and the answer is something simpler… something more… sinister… the Devil is in the details… and perhaps we’ve been witness to the same story, the same Satan, playing the same con on unwitting men throughout all of recorded history… This is… The Man in the Black Suit… by Stephen King...

INTRODUCTION AND NARRATION BY: Eric R Hill

STS SPOOKTOBER is brought to you by THE TRANQUILITY NETWORK, which is produced in collaboration with Stories Telling Stories and STS Media Group… Killing you softly at Mitlhouse Studios in Milton, Vermont… Casting around the globe to your frontal lobe wherever podcasts are found… SPOOKTOBER is also streaming on YouTube @ StoriesTellingStories.  Make sure to give us a review wherever you stream our show, we really appreciate it!  Make sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram, give us a subscribe on YouTube, and consider supporting us on Patreon for exclusive rewards starting at $1 a month or more!

Narration and Dramatic Reading by ERIC R. HILL

Voice Acting by Eric R. Hill

Level 2 of the 3-part series covering the story of pioneering "walking simulator" DEAR ESTHER by The Chinese Room... diving deep into the depths of human sadness, loss, grief, and mourning on our path towards transcendence... 

Support the series on Patreon (below) and help make more episodes like this possible 

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THE TRANQUILITY NETWORK and STORIES TELLING STORIES are wholly-owned subsidiaries of C.I.A - - Consolidated Industries Association… to better bring our vision of a better world, the only world, our world, directly to our listeners… 

*****

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Don’t forget to breathe…

I'd like to give a MASSIVE shoutout to the following people for supporting STORIES TELLING STORIES on Patreon...

JIM ROSS

HOLLY

TAMARA

TOM

MADDY

WALTER

and HEATHER

LOCKED IN A VACANCY is produced in collaboration with Stories Telling Stories and STS Media Group… Socially Isolating itself at Mitlhouse Studios in Milton, Vermont… Casting around the globe to your frontal lobe wherever podcasts are found… LOCKED IN A VACANCY is also streaming on YouTube @ StoriesTellingStories. Make sure to give us a review wherever you stream our show, we really appreciate it! Make sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram, give us a subscribe on YouTube, and consider supporting us on Patreon for $1 a month or more!

And until next time... Stay sane, stay safe, and stay Whimsical!

A WRITER WRITES is intended to be a conversation series where we discuss the craft of writing with the authors themselves. But in this instance we have to make do without that direct insight. I wish I had gotten the chance to document one of our countless conversations around writing but I never did. So here are her words, and words of remembrance as we process the loss of an incredible artistic soul… told in guest voices new and familiar to Stories Telling Stories, sharing in the compassion, admiration, and love that Carrie dedicated her life to putting out into the world…

SPECIAL THANKS TO

Michelle Sawyer

Harker Ryan

Melanie Malbouef

Sarah Venooker

Angela Johnson

Diane Jennings

Coming up in Season 4 we’re going to continue our LOCKED IN A VACANCY series, telling stories of solitude and isolation as the pandemic continues to lock down the planet. We’ve also got a new series starting up called “A Writer Writes” that’s… supposedly… hosted by Professor Donner, where we sit down with up-and-coming and amateur writers to talk about their craft and share some of their stories… like a podcast version of Professor Donnor’s creative writing class. And we’ve got a mountain of classic STS pop culture stories from TV, Movies, Video Games, and books to get to, so you’ve got plenty to look forward to.

As always, if you’d like to support the show we’ve got a Patreon page with early access materials, behind-the-scenes snippets from the mind of the producer, and more, starting at $1 a month or more. We’ve also got a Facebook and Instagram page if you’re into that sort of stuff. I know Season 3 didn’t end as intended but life sort-of got in the way and family has to come first. I hope you’re excited for everything we’ve got in store for 2021. And until next time… Stay sane… stay safe… and Stay Whimsical!

It's been a difficult few weeks but we're doing the best we can as a family right now. After discovering that the hospice house has really good internet speeds I decided to try livestreaming last week. For my test, I did a reading of "A Christmas Memory" by Truman Capote. For those of you that don't know, I played Truman a few Septembers back in the one-man show "TRU" and it was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I picked up a first-edition of this book to use as a prop on stage but I never properly read it... just the bits that made it into the dialogue for the show. But even though it's been a few years, from the start to the end of the read, you can hear me slipping into a lighter version of my TRU accent.

Anyway, I can't necessarily say there will be more of these, but if time and energy allow I may see about doing a few more. The musical season finale is currently up in the air, but I'm giving myself between now and new years to see if I can pull it off. But I'm not putting pressure on myself to make sure it's done.

Sending my love and best holiday spirits to you and yours as we close in on Christmas and New Years. 2020 was a hell of a year... let's hope 2021 brings us brighter days.

Diane and I sit down over the course of an hour for an unscripted chat; asking questions and sharing our personal stories about acting, content creation, comparing and contrasting our different processes and methods, the struggles we’ve faced as fairly introverted people during lockdown and our pandemic experiences as a whole. This episode captures just a small fraction of our conversation which may be released down the road as a Patron-exclusive reward.

And after our chat, Diane and I act out a dramatic reading of THE LANDLADY by Roald Dahl.

I’d like to give a massive shout-out to the following people for supporting STORIES TELLING STORIES on Patreon…

Jim Ross
Holly
Tamara
Tom
Maddy

Thank you so much for your support! If you’d like to help support the show and hear your name listed before future episodes, head on over to Patreon.com/StoriesTellingStories

I Don't See the Branches, I See the Leaves by Chris Zabriskie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Source: http://chriszabriskie.com/dtv/

Artist: http://chriszabriskie.com/

Looking around at the very real prospect of a “third wave” taking hold across America and across the world, we sit here still, locked in a vacancy, wondering if and when it will ever get back to normal… but until people start taking personal responsibility for themselves and those around them we’re still a long way off… and it’s looking like it’s going to be a cold, dark, lonely winter…

We tend to focus on older works on this series, due primarily to logistics, and legality when it comes to sharing works. Today, we’re taking a look at a piece by a relatively new and fresh-faced author, in the grand scheme of things. Andy Weir is best known for his novel “The Martian” that was made into a Matt Damon-led Blockbuster directed by Ridley Scott but he’s far from being a one-trick pony. Perhaps his best-known work is the subject of today’s reading… a short story called “The Egg” that has to date been translated into over 30 different languages and presented in various forms across all sorts of media. The Egg tells the story of a man who dies rather suddenly and is brought face-to-face with God; taking the opportunity to glean the answers to life’s biggest questions. And given the state of the world right now, we at STS decided to offer our listeners a nice egg in these trying times…

This is… THE EGG by Andy Weir… on LOCKED IN A VACANCY...

I’d like to give a massive shout-out to the following people for supporting STORIES TELLING STORIES on Patreon…

Jim Ross

Holly

Tamara

Tom

Maddy

Carrie

Thank you so much for your support! If you’d like to help support the show and hear your name listed before future episodes, head on over to Patreon.com/StoriesTellingStories

I’d like to give a massive shout-out to the following people for supporting STORIES TELLING STORIES on Patreon…

Jim Ross

Holly

Tamara

Tom

Maddy

Carrie

Thank you so much for your support! If you’d like to help support the show and hear your name listed before future episodes, head on over to Patreon.com/StoriesTellingStories

The masters of horror carefully crafted tales of mystery and mystique, tapping into subtle and abstract human fears, casting a wide net to invoke a response in the greatest number of people. But as all things do, the iconic tropes and ideas of generations past have worn down the intended response of an aging population, calling for even greater and grander ideas... obscene and obscure tropes, trials, and tribulations, and ridiculous effects to invoke the coveted response. Fear of the unknown has been usurped by the jump scare… monsters of the mind have been pulled into ultra high definition focus, revealing all their secrets and leaving nothing to the imagination. The greatest source of horror and dread resides within the human mind… not within the instant gratification of an on-screen reveal… not with a character coming face to face with the object of their adversity… and not with a physical monster, regardless of how many tails, teeth, or tattered tears in blood-stained skin they may have.

Stop showing us what to fear… let the thing that goes bump do it in darkness. The horrors of the unknown corners of the unwilling mind are far greater, far darker, and far more personal than any personification of fear that could grace the stage, screen, or page…

What would you do if this evil lived inside you? Unseen. Unknown. An insidious disease so deadly and disastrous that it eradicated the majority of humanity in a matter of months? A pandemic with an unknown source and an unknown cure? A painless but assuredly fatal condition that robbed your body of the very bones that hold it all together? And what would you do if you and your child were somehow immune, secret survivors of this condition, watching on as a population desperate for a cure is tearing apart others in search of a solution? Would you speak up and help, or resign yourself to becoming the last human being on earth?

This is our story… crafted by F. Paul Wilson, a contemporary master of modern horror and suspense whose work has appeared across print media for nearly 40 years. His story SOFT tells the story of just such a pandemic that robs its victims of the calcium in their bones… turning a body into a puddle of muscle and mush in a matter of days… a condition with no cure… and no immunity… or so they thought…

This is… SOFT… by F. PAUL WILSON… on LOCKED IN A VACANCY, STS SPOOKTOBER 2020.

I’d like to give a massive shout-out to the following people for supporting STORIES TELLING STORIES on Patreon…

Jim Ross

Holly

Tamara

Tom

Maddy

Carrie

Thank you so much for your support! If you’d like to help support the show and hear your name listed before future episodes, head on over to Patreon.com/StoriesTellingStories

The story has been a ripe source of interpretation and exploration in the years since it was published, with movies, tv shows, novels, and other stories based in little or large part on the elements that Poe presented in the original piece sharing their own vision for the mystic and disconnected world in which Prince Prospero resides.

ALLEGORY

At the date of publication for this episode, October 6th, 2020, the globe is still mired in the depths of the Covid-19 pandemic. The American President, Donald Trump, himself the world’s largest driver of coronavirus misinformation, as per a study released by Cornell University, has just walked out of the Walter Reed Medical Center where he was dosed with a mysterious cocktail of therapeutics after he and his wife tested positive for the virus just days before. Based on his cavalier attitude towards the virus, it’s no surprise he eventually contracted it. And in the coming days it has been revealed that an abundance of White House staff, security, and individuals who attended unmasked events have also come down with the virus.

Prince Prospero, in his auspicious castle, built walls and barriers to separate himself and his chosen elite from the common people, to party and drink and commune without fear. But the Red Death found an entrance… whether by deliberate sabotage or a false sense of security and undiagnosed infection from an asymptomatic individual we may never know… this invisible enemy… this great disease… pandemic… one that “should not be feared” and yet can seemingly be quelled or at least comforted by access to a team of doctors and experimental medication that no insurance company would dream of paying for… it’s so simple… it’s not a bad virus… I’m wincing in pain with each breath as I stand aside the White House doors but after only three days and a cocktail of steroids, narcotics, and antivirals... here I am! A hero! A beacon of hope for all who contract this condition. One that should not be feared - - nay, I dare say I am BETTER now for having had it… stronger… faster… 20 years younger… and better able to lead and to serve with my first-hand knowledge of the true effects of this disease…

The Prince retreats to his castle… with all the pomp and circumstance of a high school prom… all but certain of himself and his decision. Except now the Prince himself wears the Mask of the Red Death, bellowing clouds of death and disease from his damaged lungs with each uncovered breath… sending his microscopic minions home with all who work inside the walls of his hallowed castle…

Now I am become death… destroyer of worlds…

I’d like to give a massive shout-out to the following people for supporting STORIES TELLING STORIES on Patreon…

Jim Ross

Holly

Tamara

Tom

Maddy

Carrie

Thank you so much for your support! If you’d like to help support the show and hear your name listed before future episodes, head on over to Patreon.com/StoriesTellingStories

The biggest change in the last three years was the introduction of the pandemic-induced LOCKED IN A VACANCY series… What was originally intended as a mini-series that documented my personal journey through covid lockdown week by week, sharing classic stories about solitude and isolation rather than crafting my own, has become in a way more of a flagship series than the original STS idea. This marks episode 20 of LIAV. I can’t believe it’s come this far, but I also can’t believe the pandemic has lasted this long… with no end in sight. LIAV has brought in a massive influx of new listeners and become such a gem in its own right that I foresee it outlasting the pandemic and carrying on in its own right well into the future.

I’ve also spent a great deal of time working on ways to continue to expand the quality and variety of content that STS can offer. With new shows in the development stage that explore new formats and styles, from new material to deep dives with the creative minds behind the work I’m excited for what the next 50 episodes are going to bring our way.

That being said, we’ve still got a few months to go before we wrap up season 3… so far the biggest season yet! As we shift into October there’s going to be a renewed focus on the terrifying and the maccabe as we build towards our annual halloween special. And as we pass from November into December the holiday season will take hold, whether we like it or not, and I’ll be doing some deep dives into the literary and dramatic archives to make season 3 extra special. And as is tradition, we will end Season 3 as December draws to a close with our very special musical episode (but you’ll have to wait and see what I’ve got up my sleeve this year!).

It’s hard to believe that the year is already beginning to wind down. In a lot of ways I still feel trapped in a perpetual state of March, when I began working from home and adjusting to a life lived mostly within my own four walls. Weeks turned into months and now we’re staring down the end of the year. 2020 has been a year for the ages… one that united a lot of the world, but not in the way we would have liked. A year that has brought challenge after challenge, month after month, each seemingly more upending than that last, but also not coming as a major surprise to anyone at this point. We will be telling the story of the pandemic years… of 2020 and beyond and what it was like to live through it. Decades from now it will be relegated to the annals of history, with preserved elements of social media becoming almanacs of the human experience. This podcast has become, in a way, my oral history of the year that was 2020, as told through pop culture and literature for a global audience. Will a podcast still exist decades from now? What is the value of social history through data centers that could one day be shut down? Without a living, breathing oral history, how can we hope that our stories will survive? A century from now, when I’m gone, I’m sure my story will disappear with the memory of my person. Unless I’m able to tell something profoundly important, that can move enough souls to engrain it into the collective consciousness. The internet can be shut down… books can be banned, burned, buried, and forgotten… but an idea can live forever as long as we continue to share it.

If you look back through civilizations across history, the common thread of shared knowledge is the oral storytelling tradition… passed down from generation to generation… that’s how we learn, grow, teach, entertain, and develop as a people. I’ve mentioned in the past my affinity for the storytelling traditions of some of my ancestral people of Ireland and Scotland, but I share a deep bond with another string of storytelling in my blood, as a descendent of the Abenaki nation; a collection of tribes native to the northeast region of the united states and canada. I was exposed to the stories of the Abenaki at a young age and they have always stuck with me, being the sources of projects and reports in school, and stirring my imagination to become a storyteller in my own right.

One of my favorite stories is a tale set around the Abenaki demigod Glooscab, or Gluscabi depending on the tribe, who was known to be something of a trickster. So today, to celebrate 50 episodes of storytelling, I’m going to share a story from the culture of my native american people… this is “GLOOSCAB THE TRICKER,” an Abenaki Legend, on LOCKED IN A VACANCY…

I’d like to give a massive shout-out to the following people for supporting STORIES TELLING STORIES on Patreon…

Jim Ross

Holly

Tamara

Tom

Maddy

Thank you so much for your support! If you’d like to help support the show and hear your name listed before future episodes, head on over to Patreon.com/StoriesTellingStories

For my global audience members, you may not understand the significance of the United States Supreme Court… unlike any other elected office, a Supreme Court justice is not bound by term limits and election cycles. Outside of confirmation in the United States senate, once a justice is seated, their position is held for life… pending death, retirement, or impeachment. The constitution states that justices shall hold their offices during good behavior and historically only one justice has ever been impeached; Samuel Chase in 1905. And the right to fill a vacant supreme court position falls to the president, to make a nomination to the senate, who then have to confirm (or vote on) said nominee. This has turned what was traditionally a bi-partisan affair into a hyper-partisan circus in recent memory to “skew the court” in favor of the left or the right. You would think at their core a Justice would be an individual who is beholden to no party and is independent of partisan politics, like a referee at a sports game. But playing politics more like a game of strategy has led to Presidents digging deep into party roots to nominate justices for lifetime positions that best suit their parties best interest.

And some may say Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg was just as much a pawn of President Bill Clinton in that regard… a liberal choice by a relatively liberal president who would see to it that the policies of the left were kept in place. Just as recent nominees to the court have been hyperconservative choices meant to skew the court to the right in the hope of striking down or at least rolling back the effects of the American Care Act, Roe v. Wade, Voting Rights Act, and the Civil Rights Act.

Within the checks and balances of American Democracy, no one branch is meant to hold any more power than another branch. For example, both houses of congress can pass a bill that they wish to become a law. The President has the power of VETO which allows him to reject the bill, preventing it from becoming law and returning the bill to Congress. Congress can then choose to vote on it again, and if it passes with a ⅔ majority, then the bill automatically becomes a law and overrides the VETO. And if we have an existing law, it can be challenged in court as being unjust or unconstitutional. That lawsuit can make its way as far as The Supreme Court, who have the power to strike down a law for being unconstitutional, essentially acting as a check against the President and Congress. And finally, Congress has the power to modify the Constitution itself through amendments which can then act as a check against the supreme court, whose responsibility is to determine if a law is in violation of the constitution.

This may seem confusing, but a circle of three that keeps itself in check is something that exists across pop culture as well, like the triforce from The Legend of Zelda, and the three ancients from Eternal Darkness. It’s not quite the same thing, but you get the idea…

And that brings us back to the significance of the passing of Ruth Bader Ginsberg. If the current administration works at unprecedented speed to push a new nominee through congress before the election (or even before inauguration day) it will lead to a conservative super-majority in the court that, given the ages of the current justices, will stand for a generation. This means that cases in regards to a woman’s right to choose, election interference by foreign bodies, challenges to the Affordable Care Act, and many more that have been at risk for years will be placed upon the chopping block. Women seeking abortions for any reason will once again be forced into the shadows… to back-alley clinics, with physicians who perform them once again subject to arrest and imprisonment… the tenets of the Affordable Care Act that opened up health care access to millions of Americans will be stripped away, leading to millions more uninsured Americans that will clog emergency services and cause an unimaginable burden on health and human services in the time of covid… congressional gerrymandering will continue to expand unencumbered… the fundamental right to vote and access to polling stations will be limited or even restricted to certain classes of Americans, based on anything from immigration status or race, sex, or color. The amendment mandating term limits for President will be overwritten, setting the stage for a “president for life” like those so admired in China and North Korea by our current commander in chief. And if this all seems far-fetched and unlikely, the wheels are already in motion… committees are already in place… a third term commission is already hard at work… These are real, casual facts and we know this because they told us exactly what they want to do.

The November election may be the last of its kind in American politics. Or the first of its kind, depending on how you look at it. Do we allow the despots to operate in plain sight and return America to a great state of cold war fervor, of housewives, Jim Crowe and back-alley abortions? Or do we stand upon the shoulders of fallen heroes like Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg who fought tooth and nail, until her dying day, to preserve the American ideal from tyranny? Do you want blood on your hands, or just shaving soap?

This is “Lather and Nothing Else” by Hernando Telez… on LOCKED IN A VACANCY… dedicated to the fierce, immortal spirit of Ruth Bader Ginsber… may her memory be a blessing.

I’d like to give a massive shout-out to the following people for supporting STORIES TELLING STORIES on Patreon…

Jim Ross

Holly

Tamara

Tom

Maddy

Thank you so much for your support! If you’d like to help support the show and hear your name listed before future episodes, head on over to Patreon.com/StoriesTellingStories

And statistically… they’re right.

99% of online stalking cases that are taken to trial end in the defendant walking free, without being charged. They may be issued a restraining order, which they’ve received in the past and simply walk through. They will continue. And they will either force the creator off the web and into a life of solitude and PTSD, forever looking over their shoulder… even littered with the occasional note “I’m still coming for you,” or, like so many, force them to continue creating in order to support themselves, knowing their stalker is out there, watching and waiting…

If this sounds like a gross over exaggeration then you haven’t been paying attention. In the last week I have had several of the content creators I follow come forward, either publicly or behind community walls, with their own stories of stalking… from persistent and vulgar messaging, to attempts at doxxing, death threats, attempted assault and abduction, and more. This is a problem that predominantly affects female creators, but I know men who have also been victims of these tactics. Most are still creating but a few have been forced away.

The natural reaction is, unfortunately, to blame the victim. “Learn karate… buy a gun… get a dog… move house… get a different job.” Beyond the ridiculousness of those other “solutions” when is the last time you were being stalked at work by someone who was threatening your life and the only solution you were offered was to get a new job? A lot of the creators I’m talking about; streamers, YouTubers, musicians, etc… do this for work. This is their job. They are self employed content creators, making their living online, which these days is absolutely vital. When your work is creating content online, you can’t just walk down the street and “get a new job.”

I’m refusing to name names and I’m leaving information intentionally vague for privacy reasons, but some of the things I’ve been told are disturbing at best and horrifying at its worst. One name I will mention, because of the campaign she started, is “Sweet Anita.” For the unaware, Anita is a Twitch streamer who has been publicly dealing with a stalker that has committed nearly all of the above mentioned infractions against her, including making death threats towards her publically in her livestream chat, and being picked up and questioned by police a block and a half from her house, with the knife in his pocket that he told her he was going to kill her with… and who was released from their custody, then and there, a block and a half from her house without charge. She has detailed the account of her struggle against this stalker in a video on her YouTube channel and I highly encourage you to check it out, as it also includes stories from other creators who share their own stories of stalking and abuse from within their own communities.

A defining takeaway from all of their stories is the shockingly impartial response from police and even the FBI in dealing with their cases. They are met with apathy and indifference from those who are sworn to protect them. They don’t uphold restraining orders, they don’t take these threats against their lives seriously, and even in the rare instance they are arrested and charged only 1% go to jail for their actions or face any sort of significant repercussions.

People will continue to stalk and harass and threaten and KILL content creators at will because there are no repercussions... because until they sink in that blade or pull that trigger or swing that bat at the back of their head then nobody in law enforcement cares. Bianca Delvin was only 17 when she was brutally murdered by an individual who turned around and posted pictures of her decapitated head and dismembered body online for the world to see... Are you paying attention yet??

Perhaps this is a matter of mental health… but when it affects so many people it becomes a matter of public health. But what can I do? I care. I’m a good person. Easy… The next time you write a comment or send a DM stop and think for a second… you have a choice… you can perpetuate this culture that is leading to unspeakable acts of harassment and abuse, or you can not. To paraphrase a fellow creator, “99% of the comments I get are grand. They’re lovely things from nice people and that’s fine… but it’s that 1% that forced me to adopt a policy to never answer my DMs.” If what you’re trying to say in a DM you would be ashamed for your mother to read… or if you wouldn’t dare say it in a public comment section… then don’t say it. Don’t send it. You can appreciate the content and take great pleasure in what they create but a creator doesn’t owe you anything. Let me say that again… A.CONTENT.CREATOR.DOES.NOT.OWE.YOU.ANYTHING. So if it pains you to not say anything, then say something nice in the comment section and leave it at that. A simple “Hey, I love your content, here’s a picture of my dog!” can make a creator’s day. But leave it at that. They are not your friends. They will not date you. They won’t be your tour guide when you come to town. They are people, just like you, trying to make a living and live their life.

So let’s work together. Call out hate and abuse when you see it. Demand our platforms like YouTube and Twitch adopt stricter stalking and abuse policies. Advocate for verified accounts so law enforcement can better track down individuals who make threats against other people. And hold your local, state, and federal law enforcement agencies responsible for protecting the people they’ve sworn to protect. Just because someone makes their living producing YouTube videos or streaming on Twitch does not mean they don’t deserve our protection, our support, and our respect. Join the movement at #StopStalking and let’s bring this sort of behavior to an end. The 99% of us lovely humans far outweigh the 1% toxic minority… their aggression will not stand… not anymore…

And in case you think this is a new sort of behavior driven by the digital age… here is a second example of similar levels of senseless aggression in the form of a short story by influential American novelist Jack London… As our introductory story “The Stalker” by Lawrence E. Rogers, told a more contemporary tale of a man stalking a woman and nearly taking her life before ending up convicted and sent to prison (an unfortunately best-case circumstance) “Moon-Face” tells the story of a man with an abject hatred towards his neighbor, driven by nothing, but ending piece by piece as he single handedly dismantles the man’s life before seeing to it that he meets a brutal end… as well as his dog…

Having been a fan of comic book stories for as long as I can remember, being alive for the rise and supremacy of Marvel at the box office has been an absolute dream. Seeing childhood heroes brought to life outside of cartoons, without the campy suits and low budgets of previous attempts is something I never thought I would see. These films crossed barriers and brought people together from all walks of life… young and old, geek and noob, men and women… it was a good time to be a comic book fan… until you looked around at the assembling avengers and realized that it was a whole lot of white people being the selfless, reckless, and sometimes careless heroes.

When Marvel announced that there would be a Black Panther movie, I was excited at everything that the series could bring to the MCU. Beyond introducing Wakanda and classic comic book storylines that could now be told, I was eager to see what the introduction would do for a global audience that so far has little in the way of representation in the universe. And I recall a great deal of backlash on social media… “oh, they’re just trying to be WOKE,” “Oh, there goes the MCU,” “This will probably be marvel’s “Cat Woman,” and other ridiculous and short-sighted statements seemingly set on sinking this script before it could be shot to celluloid. And coming off the heels of Phase 2 it was fair to be critical at this stage of the MCU, as a few stumbles had been had (Thor 2 and Iron Man 2 to name a few) but if they could get this right, it had the potential to be something special. But even my optimism couldn’t have foreseen a billion dollar blockbuster arising from the origin story of a lesser-known and controversial character so far removed from the existing formula. And the series was made better for it. The fanbase was made better for it. And an entire race of people was given a gift. I can’t personally relate to or understand some of the heritage and the tradition Black Panther displayed but I can certainly appreciate it and know that it’s incredibly important that black people of all ages are able to see something like this. It was not made for me. And I’m perfectly fine with that. I still thoroughly enjoyed it and think it was one of the best films of that phase in the MCU, thanks in no small part to the excellent casting choice of Chadwick Boseman as T’Challa.

Losing a hero is never easy… And I’ve lost several from my point of privilege as a mostly white man in America. I’m fortunate in that I’ve got countless icons in every medium in which to draw inspiration. But losing Chadwick Boseman to such a debilitating disease, one in which he struggled so privately yet continued to put out tremendous work, is unfathomable. Four years of a fight against Stage 3 colon cancer… all while filming and working and struggling in silence, with only a small circle of trusted people who knew the truth. A circle who deserve commendation in their own right for respecting his wishes and keeping to his wishes to not divulge his condition to anybody. He wanted to be strong for his community. He wanted little kids to have a hero in his work, to show them the true meaning of being a leader, and what you could grow up to be.

You weren’t just a King for comic book people… You were a King for YOUR people, for all people who have ever struggled to find a fair and powerful representation of themselves on screen. And before we dive into this week’s story, an account on the death of Socrates, written by Plato, as one last homage to a humble and brilliant man, I’d like to share a few of his own words, from a commencement speech he made at Howard University in 2018, to give hope and inspiration to the small but global audience that enjoys this podcast. This is for you Chadwick… Rest In Power… Wakanda Forever...

“Purpose crosses disciplines. Purpose is an essential element of you. It is the reason you are on the planet at this particular time in history. Your very existence is wrapped up in the things you are here to fulfill. Whatever you choose for a career path, remember, the struggles along the way are only meant to shape you for your purpose. When I dared to challenge the system that would relegate us to victims and stereotypes with no clear historical backgrounds, no hopes or talents, when I questioned that method of portrayal, a different path opened up for me, the path to my destiny.
When God has something for you, it doesn't matter who stands against it. God will move someone that's holding you back away from the door and put someone there who will open it for you if it's meant for you. I don't know what your future is, but if you are willing to take the harder way, the more complicated one, the one with more failures at first than successes, the one that has ultimately proven to have more meaning, more victory, more glory then you will not regret it.
Now, this is your time. The light of new realizations shines on you today” - Chadwick Boseman

I’d like to give a massive shout-out to the following people for supporting STORIES TELLING STORIES on Patreon…

Jim Ross

Holly

Tamara

Tom

Maddy

Thank you so much for your support! If you’d like to help support the show and hear your name listed before future episodes, head on over to Patreon.com/StoriesTellingStories

But my yearning and my thirst for knowledge were not thoroughly nourished. We had split classes; grades 1-2, 2-3, in the same room. My teacher had to fetch worksheets and independent projects for me from higher grades just to keep me focused. I was reading at a 12th grade level in the second grade. I was daydreaming through long division while my peers were still struggling through simple subtraction. I was given a world of special treatment but I could have handled so much more… I was slated for success in literature and mathematics. But then the floor dropped out from under me after my parent’s divorce. My mother, my three sisters, and I all moved to a new town. A new school. A place with dedicated grades where I felt like I could finally succeed. But rather than score me for aptitude or proper placement, they started me from the bottom… back to basics… and told me I could climb the ladder as I proved that I could do it… A few months later, we moved again… different town, different school, same academic treatment… start at the bottom and work your way up. We moved several more times over the next few years, and each new school started exactly the same way… Through the end of sixth grade, I effectively learned nothing new. And at that point I already knew I was in trouble. My sixth grade peers were learning decimals and fractions, but due to the ladder I was forced to climb I was stuck… doing long division… the same work I was given in second grade…

When I started middle school, I was back in the town I started in, amongst a lot of the same peers I had in those early days, with the same principal who remembered my mind and my abilities and I was put into the most advanced of the four 7th grade classes… where I quickly began to crumble. I was so far behind the rest of the class in mathematics, in science, in social studies… I came face-to-face with my own limitations and the fear of disappointing authority figures that loomed in me deep from my childhood that I spiraled into a pretty dark hole. I had a bit of an identity crisis. I was staring down all the normal things that an adolescent teen has to navigate, coupled with the fact that I was no longer an advanced, mature, incredibly intelligent, reliable, teacher’s favorite. My sophistication was gone. I was sputtering and choking and barely holding on at the back of the class.

And academically… I never recovered. I had a passion and a gift for math at an early age and that never came back. It took me five years to pass two years worth of basic college math (algebra I and II) to get my bachelor’s degree in musical theater… don’t ask… and four years to pass two years of science courses. My only saving grace through all of this was reading and literature. My ability to read at an advanced level so early on in my life kept my GPA high enough to keep me moving upward, and my verbal bringing my SAT score high enough to get into college. But even so, my journey was not easy and I still struggle immensely in academic situations and as much as I would love to return to school for a masters or even a doctorate in my field, my academic performance after the second grade shows me to be, at best, an average student, say nothing of my accomplishments that can not be quantified with a letter grade.

Through this podcast I’ve spent the last three years honing my craft as a storyteller. In a perfect world I’d have the means to go further and study elements of the oral tradition of different branches of my family tree… from Abenaki tales to Irish lore, and more. You don’t need a piece of paper with an academic stamp to prove your intelligence… and I will continue to learn and hone my craft as long as I am able, but it would be nice to fulfil that dream that second grade Eric had, when he thought about how cool it would be to have a PhD, to prove to himself that he was smart and sophisticated and intelligent and didn’t have to explain himself to anybody anymore.

Sophistication is what brings us to our story this week… Sherwood Anderson was an American novelist and short story writer known for his subjective and self-revealing works… pulling heavily from personal experience in his writing. Something I’ve been known to do in this series… Anderson became best known for his work “Winesburg, Ohio” which was an anthology of 22 short stories, concerning the people and places of this fictional town that was rumored to be based around the town he grew up in. A massive and ambitious work, it contains over one hundred named characters and the different connections people have. And yet… each story can stand on its own as a separate work.

The story we’re looking at today, ”Sophistication” comes from the end of the book, where recurring character George Willard, nears the end of his coming-of-age arc. Having lost his mother in an earlier chapter, George has turned 18 and is wandering the streets feeling lost… like he has no place… no identity… but he finds a spiritual mediator in Helen White, who had undergone her own sort of transformation, and in this kinship they discover they can both find the peace that they were looking for. But before I give it all away, let’s dive into it so you can judge for yourself…

This is… SOPHISTICATION… from Sherwood Anderson’s “Winesburg, Ohio” anthology… on LOCKED IN A VACANCY.

I’d like to give a massive shout-out to the following people for supporting STORIES TELLING STORIES on Patreon…

Jim Ross

Holly

Tamara

Tom

Thank you so much for your support! If you’d like to help support the show and hear your name listed before future episodes, head on over to Patreon.com/StoriesTellingStories

This is an exaggerated sentiment, but nonetheless one I see often, and one that I feel to be full of insecurity and hot air. To say one lives a life free of regret is to admit that one has been unable to learn the lessons that life has attempted to teach us. Regret, like so many tough life lessons, has become a four-letter word in self improvement, as if exposure to it renders one a failure. But what’s wrong with failure? If you never fell off a bike… never applied for that dream job, never pulled your heart from your sleeve and handed it to someone who looked at it in shock and disgust… how can you consider your life well-rounded? Well-lived?

My life is full of regrets. And I continue accumulating them with each passing day. As a soft-spoken homebody who feels out of place in crowds and gatherings, who experiences existential dread and social anxiety when forced to interact with strangers or friends-of-friends or even the futile attempt to navigate something as commonplace as online dating, I give up a lot to keep myself in a comfortable state. Some may even call this a valuable and lifesaving trait in the year of covid, 2020. Some may say I’m perfectly suited to this “new normal.” I can comfortably go days without leaving my house, and weeks with minimal interaction besides the occasional clerk or delivery driver.

But even before this “new normal,” going back as far as I can remember, I’ve been racking up regrets. Burning moments into memory where I said no, didn’t raise my hand, didn’t speak up… In 2001 I could have taken ten steps forward and shook hands with the singer of one of my favorite bands as he casually cut through a crowd, something so many others were doing… a singer I admired deeply and looked up to as I was just getting started in my rockstar stage… who I could’ve met, however briefly, but wouldn’t allow myself to do it. “It was nice to at least see him in person” I told myself, “You’ll get another chance…” Except he died suddenly of a previously undiagnosed heart condition just 21 days later.

This is a singular example… my social anxiety and introverted attitude cost me a golden opportunity and lead to another notch of regret, a big one, on the tally card of my life. Just another one of many… from promotions and perfect prospects to romantic opportunities, lost loves, and the one that got away.

Truth be told I’m perfect for this new normal because I’m naturally solitary and comfortable leading a life dominated by regrets. I am the outlier, not the norm. And I attempt to take adventures and attend concerts and check off bucket list items as I can to keep the big R in check, but truth be told I’m mostly living a one-sided life. I don’t learn from my regrets… I hoard them and obsess over them in excruciating detail, especially during those 3am hours when all I want to do is sleep. I may not have the success to show from taking a swing at a questionable fast ball, but my regrets reinforce my memory… meaning I never forget that I at least had the chance… An odd optimism, I know, but a great bit of mental gymnastics that manages to keep me sane. It’s not that I don’t want these things… to meet my heroes, to send witty icebreakers or even attempt an introduction of romantic intent, or to meet up with friends of friends and attempt to increase my tiny social circle… it’s that it’s not who I am. And the core of living a life without regret is to live a life of honesty to oneself. And in my most honest and true form, I’m a regret collector who is comfortable sitting on the sidelines and observing. My last great relationship blossomed at random with the help of a bottle of silver tequila, but in the socially-distanced and isolated age we live in, the likelihood of finding a fellow homebody who would rather sit at home and avoid people is either more likely now than ever before, or never going to happen in the time of swipes and paid apps. But the unknown in that keeps life exciting. You never know when or where it’s going to happen, or if it will even happen at all. Some may call that regretful, but I consider it hopeful.

At the end of the day, living a life adverse to regret is just as unhealthy as one where you tally them off over the decades. But somewhere in the middle we can survive. Regret is the topic that brings us to this week’s story… episode 15 of LOCKED IN A VACANCY, where we look at a short story about, and titled “REGRET” by legendary master of the short story GUY DE MAUPASSANT. GUY was a popular french author in the mid-to-late 19th century who was fortunate enough to find success and notoriety in his lifetime. He was prolific in his short years, crafting an impressive body of work that influenced other such notable authors as Anton Chekhov, Kate Chopin, and Henry James. His most notable English works are “The Necklace” which has become a piece of classroom reading around the world, and a short piece of Gothic Horror called “The Hand” that we may revisit closer to Halloween… But as brilliant and prolific as he was, he suffered from mental illness and was committed to an asylum in the last year of his life, after a failed suicide attempt… where he would ultimately die at the untimely age of 43. Whether he lived a life of regret or not we may not know, but peering at the world through his eyes, we can get a bit of a better idea…

This is… “REGRET” by GUY DE MAUPASSANT… on LOCKED IN A VACANCY…

I’d like to give a massive shout-out to the following people for supporting STORIES TELLING STORIES on Patreon…

Jim Ross

Holly

Tamara

Tom

Thank you so much for your support! If you’d like to help support the show and hear your name listed before future episodes, head on over to Patreon.com/StoriesTellingStories

But STS started, as I’ve stated a dozen times before, as an homage to Danny DeVito’s directorial debut… the black comedy “THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN” and the ragtag band of misfit authors in Professor Donnor’s creative writing class. Mrs Hazeltine’s Submarine Story is one that my mother and I still joke and quote on the regular, as reminiscent of the writing styles and personality of my maternal grandmother, and being the sort of person any amateur writer can relate to encountering in an academic setting.

I set my intentions for the series as being a sounding board and finishing school, of sorts, to all sorts of unfinished stories that exist throughout pop culture. Books on a shelf, plot pieces, author’s struggling for inspiration, and self-help infomercial sets within a pre-established universe are all ripe for the picking. And over the course of two and a half seasons my backlog of potential episodes continues to grow and as of today I can’t see an end in sight for this “storied” series that, in my humble opinion, three years in, is just getting started.

Season 3 has been extraordinarily transformative for the podcast… with the launch of a long-standing miniseries beyond our one-off ASMR episodes, that are joke releases when I need a bit of a break. LOCKED IN A VACANCY has brought Patreon supporters to the series for the first time in the history of the series. It has seen episodes lengths increase significantly, from the typical 10-12mins of an STS installment to nearly an hour for some longer VACANCY stories. And it has allowed me to explore work from new and classic authors I would have otherwise not taken the time to read. I’d be hard-pressed to say it’s “educational” in that regard, but anything that can give the listener an interest in literature is a good thing in my book.

Looking ahead to the latter half of Season 3, and into Season 4, I’ve got a few new ideas in the pipeline. I’ve kicked around the ideas of a few additional miniseries, tackling various topics and ideas, the first of which I hope to debut in the coming weeks, dubbed “A WRITER WRITES,” where I get the chance to sit down with budding authors in a setting much like Professor Donnor’s Creative Writing course, to discuss their work, talk about writing as a whole, and share some of what they’re working on on a global stage. If you’re an upstart author and would like to sit down and discuss your craft with me, send an e-mail to StoriesTellingStories@Gmail.com and we’ll see about getting you on the show!

I’ve also had requests by one of my loyal patrons to explore more of my original work… not just the ghostwriting I’ve done on this podcast to bolster the work of others… As you may or may not be aware, In addition to podcasting I’m a playwright-in-residence for a Vermont-based theater company and have the honor of producing multiple original shows each year. I’ve had work that’s run the gamut, from Kennedy Center Adjudication to one-act plays that nobody has ever read. And the thought of sharing this work, as odd as it sounds, is terrifying to me. But the thrill is also exhilarating as the whole point of penning these profound plays is to present my perspective to a perceptive and perspicacious population. Whew… that’s two bachelor’s degrees worth of alliteration for you… and as much as I’m not one to “toot my own horn” there is great catharsis to be found in letting your art out into the world to speak for itself. And whether the response is good, bad, or miscellaneous, what is the point of creating and being a creator if you keep all your content under wraps? So pending the selection of a flashy and inviting name, expect a wholly-original miniseries on the horizon as well…

Lastly, from the very first episode that I released three years ago today, I wanted to build up this series as a launchpad to collaborate with others across all sorts of media… from other podcasts, writers, actors, you name it. But collaboration has been hard to come by, partially due to my difficulty in delegating tasks and feeling the need to do everything myself and the fact that I very much am a shy and quiet person who is much more comfortable being alone with my work than trying to cold-call creators for collaboration content. But I’m working on it. And expect to hear some new-to-the-show voices on both STS and Locked in a Vacancy episodes in the very near future.

So here we are… three years into this quirky little podcast that I started on a whim. It’s whacky, it’s wonderful, and it’s weird… But to coin a phrase from one of my favorite creators… “Weird is Good!” So that’s what we will continue to strive to be. And thanks to technology, we can strive to be whatever it is in the world we want be… just like a furry little hobbit can become as rich and beautiful and revered as Beyonce through the magic power of photoshop… This is… “The Gay Fish Hobbit” as read by Kanye West, on STORIES TELLING STORIES…

Jim Ross

Holly

Tamara

Tom

Thank you so much for your support! If you’d like to help support the show and hear your name listed before future episodes, head on over to Patreon.com/StoriesTellingStories

It is now August 1st. July has come and gone and I took a meaningful and necessary break from the series, not to recharge my batteries, but because I am an individual who has a painful relationship with the word “No.” I often overexert and overextend myself in some vain attempt to signify my worth to friends, family, and colleagues… as if saying ‘no’ makes me ungrateful, undeserving, and unworthy of opportunity, advancement, gratitude, and ambition. Make no mistake, I love being busy. I love being creative. I love stimulating and rewarding activities. It has been the dream of my life to chase a creative endeavor that could translate to a rewarding and sustainable lifestyle, without the shackles of a normal job. And I’ve been grinding away at this dream for the better part of 15 years, from music to playwriting, acting, directing, independent producing, and audio engineering.

The old adage goes… if you work hard enough, you will be rewarded and your dreams will be attainable… that the only limitation is your own motivation… you are your biggest enemy, and if you don’t have success to show for your labor then you simply aren’t working hard enough.

I’ve lived this. I’ve breathed this. And I don’t believe it for a second.

I don’t believe every hobby has to be a side-hustle. Or that every hobby must become monetized. I was brought up under a strict philosophy of not “wasting time” and not “squandering your money” by the tough lessons imparted upon the greatest generation by the effects of the Great Depression. These are values I still appreciate… hard work, reliability, sticking by your word, a handshake being as valuable as a contract. They may be old-fashioned values, but they’re still values nonetheless. But even the best intentions can and do lead to unintended ends when they’re internalized and pushed too far.

I took a break because my inability to say no wrapped me up in a project “too big for its britches,” to coin a phrase from my late grandfather, which came to its end with an avalanche of responsibility dropped on my shoulders at the zero hour, requiring me to pull a 36hr bender of constant work to meet an arbitrary, yet inflexible deadline; some of which I livestreamed over on Twitch to keep myself focused, awake, and working. To hold myself accountable… to finish my day-job at 10pm, work through the night without sleep, and be finished in time to punch into my day-job at 8am the next morning. A feat I accomplished by the skin of my teeth, but that pushed my body, my motivation, and my mind to the breaking point.

Covid-aside, I put myself through the wringer 6 months out of the year… pulling 70-80hr weeks between my “real job” and my “dream job” which is volunteer. I wear an abundance of different hats and put in an ungodly number of hours which, even after 13 years, I’m afraid to say no for fear of being seen as ungrateful and not good enough. That if I don’t work myself to death, work harder than anybody else, show my sweat and my struggles and my insurmountable sleep debt, that I’m not dedicated to the organization. I have not had a “summer” in the traditional sense in 13 years. Any “vacation” or summer retreat that I take is measured in hours, rather than days, and often finds me driving through the night for a brief respite of celebration before diving right back into the grind. I don’t blame anybody but myself for this. If you are unable to say no, how will anybody know if something is too much for you? In that way, I am my own worst enemy.

But the unintended effects of Covid and Quarantine have meant free time during the summer months for the first time in over a decade. And spending a few frantic weeks in July wrapped up in what was otherwise typical summer workload for me opened my eyes to just how unsustainable and undesirable that lifestyle is for me. Because I’m not living. I’m barely surviving. I’m a half-conscious creature fueled by caffeine, stress, and anxiety… for the benefit of the few faceless strangers willing to accept a free ticket to see some theater in the middle of nowhere. Working this heavy a load is not something I want to do anymore. It is quite literally going to kill me if I keep it up for another 13 years.

And this is the revelation that my break has brought me. I’ve been able to discover new outlets for my creativity that I would have otherwise been unable to explore. I’ve gotten into streaming on Twitch twice a week. I’ve been playing music again, including a socially-distant bar gig. And I’ve been paid for my efforts and been able to turn around and reinvest it in my projects to make them even better. I feel optimistic. I feel creative. I feel like I may have a future in some sort of creative way after all, if I”m willing to give myself the time and the space to do what I want to do.

I am my own worst enemy… Sometimes we all are. And that translates into our story for this week, as we dive into the second half of season three of STORIES TELLING STORIES, with another episode of our ongoing series “LOCKED IN A VACANCY.” “The Naked Lady” is a short story from a compilation of southern american writers called “The Cry of an Occasion” and was penned by Madison Smartt Bell, who is a writer, professor, and essayist whose work has appeared in Harper’s, The NY Review of Books, and the NY Times Book Review. It’s not often we do a living author here on the show, but this is one of those rare cases…

“The Naked Lady” tells a story of heartbreak and friendship, through the eyes of a good friend. While this story, and the collection in which it was published, was in celebration of southern voices, the themes it contains are universal and my reading will be presented with a distinctly northern flair… As you are aware, I come from the great state of Vermont… a state with a distinct and identifiable accent that is grossly under-represented in pop culture… with elements of our Irish, Scottish, and English heritage sprinkled amongst a surprisingly good-old-boy aesthetic as you venture off Router 100 and into the vacant expanses of Lamoille County and up into the Northeast Kingdom… An accent that I never wanted to develop, out of embarrassment and the lower-class connotations it conveys, but one that I learned by ear nonetheless thanks to countless hours spent with extended family.

This is… “The Naked Lady” by Madison Smartt Bell… on LOCKED IN A VACANCY...

Dramatic reading by Eric R Hill, native Vermonter

As we continue to face down this global epidemic, with the United States surpassing the single greatest number of positive cases than it’s had since the epidemic began months ago, we’re falling further and further behind the rest of the world. And yet they still staunchly refuse to wear masks in public, demand person-to-person service in restaurants and shops, congregate in large numbers in pools, pubs, and places of interest, and continue to endanger the lives of millions because of a basic lack of empathy for anyone that isn’t them or their families. It’s disgusting, it’s selfish, it’s wrong, and they should be fucking ashamed of themselves. “Oh, it’s hard, it makes me uncomfortable, why should I have to blah blah blah” enough. As flag-waving and chest pounding and American as you clamor to be, you still live in a society, and as such sometimes have to think of the greater good, like our parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents who fought The Great Wars, like the one Hemmingway writes about. If you think being forced to wear a mask so you can demand service at Applebees is a violation of your rights and causing undue hardship, you need to check yourself. Go fight a real war. No child is going to want to hear your stories about how you owned libs during the pandemic of 2020 by refusing to wear a mask and purposefully coughing on people who confronted you in the Piggly Wiggly.

That is my soapbox statement for this week. My mother, my father, my older sister, my grandparents, and countless other people in my life are immunocompromised in some way and would not survive this virus if they caught it. I am isolated and allowed to work from home until October thanks to my company caring enough to keep my family safe.

It seems to be getting worse out there… at least here in America… so do what you can to stay safe and stay healthy… In other countries, things are different… let’s join our brothers and sisters in the rest of the world and do the right thing… this is… “In Another Country” by Ernest Hemmingway, on LOCKED IN A VACANCY...

DRAMATIC READING by Eric R Hill

I’d like to give a massive shout-out to the following people for supporting STORIES TELLING STORIES on Patreon…

Jim Ross

Holly

Tamara

Tom

Thank you so much for your support! If you’d like to help support the show and hear your name listed before future episodes, head on over to Patreon.com/StoriesTellingStories

DRAMATIC READING by Eric R. Hill

I’d like to give a massive shout-out to the following people for supporting STORIES TELLING STORIES on Patreon…

Jim Ross

Holly

Tamara

Tom

Thank you so much for your support! If you’d like to help support the show and hear your name listed before future episodes, head on over to Patreon.com/StoriesTellingStories

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After she moved to England in 1919, Mansfield began rubbing elbows with who’s who, and developed notable friendships with authors D.H. Lawrence and Virginia Woolf. But she had a streak of wanderlust, as many youth do, and traveled around Europe in her formative years, adopting a bohemian lifestyle and befriending famous artists everywhere she went. She was praised by her peers for her vicarious and charismatic approach to life and work. She absorbed the works of Oskar Wilde and Anton Chekhov; although her exposure to the later earned her accusations of plagiarism due to its influence on her own work. An unabashed bisexual, her relationships with women found places of prominence in her journal entries and her work; often writing of her lovers under pseudonyms… her sexuality was a point of contention between Mansfield and her mother, who would later write her out of her will. Those few years are perhaps the most socially interesting but little in the way of records are known… her travel, relationship, getting pregnant, marrying a different man but never consumating it, divorcing, being sent away by her mother, and miscarrying… all the while only publishing one story and one poem… and all this by age 21.

I know this is more in line with how I present STORIES TELLING STORIES than LOCKED IN A VACANCY but I found Katherine Mansfield’s brief story to be fascinating and worth sharing. While it’s true her life was short, she LIVED IT. And everything above doesn’t even bring her story up to the first world war or the latter half of her life living with tuberculosis and desperately trying to find a cure. I will mention that though… Mansfield was so desperate for a cure she began seeking out radical and “experimental” procedures. In February 1922, she consulted the Russian physician Ivan Manoukhin, whose "revolutionary" treatment, consisted of bombarding her spleen with X-rays, which caused Mansfield to develop a host of side effects, including heat flashes and numbness in her legs. Yeesh… my grandfather told me stories once about his fight with tuberculosis during World War 2 and I can’t say I blame her for being desperate for a cure.

She ultimately succumbed to the effects of the disease on January 9, 1923 when she suffered a pulmonary embolism after running up a flight of stairs, and was buried in Nice, France. But her story continued to live on long after her death, as her work continued to be released posthumously and appreciated by each new generation of readers looking to her language and her unique voice. She has also been the subject herself, from paintings and schools named in her honor in her native New Zealand, to television and movies, most notably being played by Vanessa Redgrave in a BBC miniseries in 1973. So while she’s been gone nearly a hundred years, Katherine Mansfield’s extraordinary short story, through the appreciation of her short stories, continues to live on.

I’d like to give a massive shout-out to the following people for supporting STORIES TELLING STORIES on Patreon…

Jim Ross

Holly

Tamara

Tom

Thank you so much for your support! If you’d like to help support the show and hear your name listed before future episodes, head on over to Patreon.com/StoriesTellingStories

DUBLINERS is an anthology of 15 short stories Joyce published in 1914 at the peak of Irish Nationalism, which tell assorted middle-class stories that take place in and around Dublin. A PAINFUL CASE is a sad tale of loneliness and loss, seen through the eyes of a man who falls into an odd relationship with a married woman, before things suddenly go too far, too fast, and ending far too soon. It's a wonderfully descriptive tale and one that I really like, although Joyce does his best to give the reader a lot to chew on verbally...

As always , I’d like to give a shout-out to the following people for supporting STORIES TELLING STORIES on Patreon… Thank you so much for your support!

Jim Ross
Holly
Tamara

If you’d like to help support the show and hear your name listed before future episodes, head on over to Patreon.com/StoriesTellingStories

DRAMATIC READING BY ERIC R HILL

This week marks my second straight month in lockdown and working from home... with at least another six weeks to go before corporate will reevaluate the plans... I like to think I'm hanging in there, but all this solitude is proving to be more difficult than I anticipated...

I’d also like to give a shout-out to the following people for supporting STORIES TELLING STORIES on Patreon… Thank you so much for your support!

Jim Ross

Holly

Tamara

If you’d like to help support the show and hear your name listed before future episodes, head on over to Patreon.com/StoriesTellingStories

Dramatic Reading by Eric R Hill

I’d also like to give a shout-out to the following people for supporting STORIES TELLING STORIES on Patreon… Thank you so much for your support!

Jim Ross

Holly

Tamara

If you’d like to help support the show and hear your name listed before future episodes, head on over to Patreon.com/StoriesTellingStories

Dramatic reading by Eric R Hill

I’d like to give a shout-out to the following people for supporting STORIES TELLING STORIES on Patreon… Thank you so much for your support!

Jim Ross
Holly
Tamara

If you’d like to help support the show and hear your name listed before future episodes, head on over to Patreon.com/StoriesTellingStories

Dramatic Reading by Eric R Hill

As always, a HUGE shoutout to our Patrons

JIM ROSS
HOLLY
TAMARA

Stay Safe, Stay Healthy, Stay Home, and as always, Stay Whimsical!

Dramatic reading by Eric R Hill

HUGE THANKS TO OUR PATRONS!

Jim Ross
Holly
Tamara

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Written by H.G. Wells

Produced and Presented by Eric R. Hill

Read by Eric R Hill

STS producer Eric R Hill sits down with friend and guest reader Rickshaw Tom for a wine-fueled discussion about Poe's best works, the current covid-19 / corona virus pandemic, being in lockdown and isolation, and how perspectives on these characters have changed as we grew from kids to adults.

There’s nothing to do when you’re locked in a vacancy, so sayeth John Bender, played harshly and artfully by the indelible Judd Nelson. The Breakfast Club is a legendary piece of 80’s cinema, sandwiched between Sixteen Candles and Weird Science, and serves as the crown jewel of the Brat Pack collection. Disagree? B.O.O...H.O.O… John Hughes was a juggernaut of cinema and a triple threat behind the camera, serving as writer, director, producer or any combination thereof. But where Hughes’ talent really shined was on the page. His dialogue was poignant but timeless, natural yet finely crafted, and the characters he created weren’t stymied by the tawdry archetypes that plagued 80’s cinema… which afforded his films a timelessness to which few others of the era can compare. Aside from the prevalence of cell phones and what would constitute detention vs being arrested on school grounds in the 21st century, the Breakfast Club is just as fresh and relevant today as it was on that fateful morning in 1984.

“Does Barry Mannilo know that you raid his wardrobe?”

Principal Richard Vernon, who himself is sacrificing his entire Saturday to monitor detention, approaches this rag-tag group of misfits, each a wrongdoer in their own way, broken up by the social hierarchy of high school, and assigns them a task to occupy their time… an essay… written to him and due before they leave, describing to him who they think they are… with specific instructions for the cunning Bender who would otherwise find a loophole to exploit. Although the film ends with only Brian writing an essay, on behalf of the group, and while he’s shown counting all 1,000 words, we only hear a select few as the film draws to a close, and the iconic Simple Minds anthem carries the kids home.

“Come on Sport-o, level with me, do you slip her the hot beef injection?”

Does Principle Vernon always have to monitor Saturday detention or is he merely filling in? Did he really bribe Carl with the $50 he asked for to keep his mouth shut? And Bender and the Princess? That would never last… shoulda been the Basketcase… This is… DEAR MR VERNON, as read by Anthony Michael Hall and the cast of THE BREAKFAST CLUB, on STORIES TELLING STORIES...

Gaming in the late 90’s was turned on its head when RESIDENT EVIL was released on the original playstation. While zombie games weren’t unheard of, the “survival horror” genre was still relatively unexplored territory. But visionary director Shinji Mikami put the gaming world on notice as he brilliantly weaved puzzles, silence, fixed angles, limited save states, and crap 32-bit graphics into a package that was incredibly fun, engaging, and having wickedly high replayability.

The original Resident Evil (or Biohazard in its native Japan) tells the first chapter in an ongoing story of the Umbrella Corporation’s biotech research in developing the “T-Virus” that breached the walls of the primary facility and infected neighboring Racoon City. Chris Redfield and Jill Valentine, elite members of the S.T.A.R.S taskforce, are dispatched to investigate the disappearance of their team members, stumbling across an old mansion, and having to face the horrors within.

Of the numerous books and documents you uncover as the story progresses, one has always stuck with me… a diary written by the caretaker of the mansion, which documents the effects of the T-Virus infection in his blood and the slow decline in his cognitive ability, until he’s able to utter only single words before losing the ability to write all together…

If a “cure” for the virus was found, would it work to bring back those already deemed zombies? Do you think the caretaker was cognitive of how bad it really was? And would you let the virus run its course or would you take matters into your own hands before it was too late? This is… The Keeper’s Diary, from Resident Evil 1… as read by generic video game voice actors, on Stories Telling Stories...

“Itchy itchy scott came, ugly face, so killed him...”

Welcome back to STORIES TELLING STORIES! It is now SEASON 3 and we’re coming hot off the tails of our most successful month and successful year to date! For some reason beyond my understanding, our Season 1 holiday episode A PETER GRIFFIN CHRISTMAS absolutely exploded this year, garnering hundreds of listens a day and helping bring our yearly count to almost 20,000 for 2019! Amazing! For everyone that checked us out and continues to support the podcast, all I can say is thank you!

Looking ahead at what’s to come in SEASON 3, we’re going to do a deeper dive into video game stories, with selections from Skyrim, and both new-and-old classics. We’re also going to branch into some classic cinema and tie in more holiday-centric episodes. But we’re not losing sight of our roots, as we’re launching this season with another story from the inspirational source of this podcast… this is… “100 GIRLS I’D LIKE TO PORK” from “Throw Momma From the Train” on Stories Telling Stories…

As I’ve no doubt explained this film several times in this podcast, I’ll spare you the specifics. Billy Crystal’s professor Donner is a community college instructor, teaching a creative writing course. Of the colorful class of characters, one who always stood out to me was MR PINSKY, who notably produces a piece of… literature… for class, which amounts to a list of 100 girls he’d like to… hmm… This simple bit of “fantasy” spurs a lively debate in the class and, as we discover at the end of the movie, actually gets turned into a “coffee table book” as Pinsky described. Will wonders never cease!

For a film that came out in the 80’s, will today’s audience even recognize his choices? Is Mrs Hazeltine so judgemental because she didn’t make the list? And what did Professor Donner think of the published copy that eventually landed in his lap? This is… “ MR PINSKY’S 100 GIRLS I’D LIKE TO PORK” from Throw Momma from the Train, written and read by Professor Donner's creative writing class... on Stories Telling Stories…

“Maybe I should… change the title?”

THE BOOK OF ARNOLD

Based on The Book of Mormon

By Trey Parker & Matt Stone

---But it’s actually the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy---

with Book, Music, and Lyrics

by Eric R. Hill

We’ve all been there… high school… day 1… the challenge to fit in, to make friends, the struggle to find ourselves in the manic energy of a new building, surrounded by a sea of foreign faces. It’s all too familiar and all too real, a time in our life most of us would rather forget. But most of us don’t have the cloud of childhood trauma hanging over our heads… This is… Charlie’s “Dear Friend” letters, from novel-turned-indie film “Perks of Being a Wallflower” on STORIES TELLING STORIES.

“Welcome to the island of misfit toys.”

I love coming-of-age stories. Novels, films, television, the whole lot. I struggled a lot in my adolescence, coming to terms with getting older and the inevitable changes that begin affecting us on a much deeper level. Charlie is that version of all of us, played brilliantly by Logan Lerman in the 2012 film, that struggled to find his place in the big picture, when everything around him made him feel small. Charlie reached out to fellow shop class peer, a senior named Patrick, at a football game, and was then introduced to Patrick’s step-sister Sam, with whom he proceeded to fall deeply and immediately in love. Charlie was absorbed this group of misfit seniors who saw pieces of themselves in this shy, awkward freshman and their relationships grew and deepened as the year progressed, but also came crashing down in an instant of regrettable teenage impulsiveness. Throughout all of this, Charlie writes letters to an unnamed individual, known only as “Dear Friend,” explaining his trials and tribulations as he navigates the shark-infested waters of love, life, and mental illness as a high school adolescent.

“We accept the love we think we deserve...”

Would a Sam and Charlie relationship really last once she was off to college for good? Is the “friend” a fellow peer or a distant stranger with zero emotional involvement? And is Charlie’s sister Candace the unsung hero of this whole story? Let’s find out, as we examine Charlie’s letters from “The Perks of Being A Wallflower” on STORIES TELLING STORIES...

STARRING

ERIC R HILL - Charlie Kelmeckis | Sam | Candace

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of Texas? BBQ? Chili? The Kennedy Assassination? Oswald and the Grassy Knoll? Or is it Propane and Propane Accessories? In the sleepy town of Arlen there exists a man. He’s the man for this point in time. A man of dignity. A man of respect. A man of… oh wait… this story isn’t about Hank… Or Bill, or Boomhauer. This is… THE MAGIC BULLET from Mike Judge’s animated series “King of the Hill” on STORIES TELLING STORIES.

“Guns don’t kill people, the Government does...”

Dale Gribble… everyone’s favorite right-wing, conspiracy theory spewing, gun-toting, mountain dew drinking, exterminating, clone of his own future self from the year 2087 is many things… From running a small business, sort-of, to being President of the Gun Club, and chief firing agent in human resources for a stint, he’s worn a lot of hats outside of those provided by Certified Bounty Hunting and Manitoba Cigarettes… He aspired to inspire… children specifically, about the magic and mystery of guns. In Season 13 Episode 7, “Manger Baby Einstein” Dale takes a page from John Redcorn and LouAnne Platter, both of whom are cashing in on the early childhood education trends in their respective ways. Dale pens and “self-publishes” i.e. writes on lined paper and staples together, his master work… an illustrated, rhyming, and slightly musical book about a gun and her bullets i.e. her children… a work that he tries to share with his friends, but that Hank ultimately tells him is “kind of stupid.” What’s a downtrodden Gribble to do?

“I can show you how to make a bomb with a roll of toilet paper and a stick of dynamite”

Would THE MAGIC BULLET have incurred a lawsuit from the infomercial product company of the same name? Would it sell in today’s cutthroat marketplace? And is Dale Gribble, i.e. Rusty Shackleford really the best person to teach kids about guns? All this and more as we dive into THE MAGIC BULLET, as read by Rusty Shackleford, on STORIES TELLING STORIES...

STARRING

ERIC R HILL - Dale Gribble | Rusty Shackleford | Hank Hill | Nancy Gribble

“Flesh… bone… bound together with the oddest magikal incantations...”

Lara Croft… Jill Valentine… Samus Aran… The list is small but mighty when one ponders the strongest women in video game history. Some explore, some survive, others kick ass and take names. But one game often missing from the list is Alexandra Roivas, hailing from the Nintendo Gamecube cult classic ETERNAL DARKNESS, SANITY’S REQUIEM. Produced by Silicon Knights and originally designed for release on the Nintendo 64, ETERNAL DARKNESS ultimately found a home on the Gamecube and crafted a niche for itself as a “psychological horror” game, at a time when survival horror franchises like RESIDENT EVIL and SILENT HILL were the king of fear. ETERNAL DARKNESS took a different approach by including a “sanity meter” in the game, which was affected by the presence of enemies, hallucinations, and contact with the Tome and the stories it contained, and creatively turned the player’s own mind against them in freakishly creative ways. The lower your sanity dropped, the further your character suffered… from simple effects like bleeding walls and whispering voices, to more intense and infuriating things like a false ending or the game appearing to erase your memory card, one that I fell for and layed undue blame upon my little sister who was exploring on my save file… a mistake I didn’t realize I had even made until 6 weeks later when I fired up the game again... Dubbed “Sanity Effects” these elements became the highlight of the game and the reason I played through it dozens of times. The narrative centers around the Roivas family, with Alexandra Roivas acting as the central character that connects all the subplots and pulls the player into the story. Traversing two millennia we meet a host of playable characters, from distant relatives to byzantine monks and even a Canadian firefighter. The game has you align yourself with one of the three “Guardians” which are interdimensional Gods who overpower and succumb to each other’s powers in a power triad, meaning no one Guardian can rise above the other two; an interesting take on checks and balances. And the game plays out differently depending on which Guardian you align yourself with, meaning replay value is very high, and in a lot of ways is never the same game twice...

“May the rats eat your eyes!!! The darkness is coming!”

Whose flesh and bone is the TOME bound with anyway? Does it smells more like beef jerky or a phone book? And why the hell does Alex not know her way around her grandfather’s house as a fully-grown adult?! Let’s find out as we crack the cover and dive head-first into Roivas Family history and the TOME of the Eternal Darkness, on STORIES TELLING STORIES...

STARRING

ERIC R HILL - Edward & Maxamillion Roivas | Pious Augustus

MELANIE MALBOUEF - Alexandra Roivas

"He’s a monster… a pure psychopath... ”

There aren’t many films I was barred from watching when I was young… my father was fairly liberal in what he allowed us kids to watch (more like would watch while we were in viewing distance, but we’re not splitting hairs here…), but “SILENCE OF THE LAMBS” was one that my mom would not allow us kids to watch. And so, at least for me, it developed its own special ethos… a cloak of darkness around this fabled film that was so horrific, so jarring, and so terrifying that young minds would be lost in a sea of recurring nightmares for merely being exposed to it. I knew of IT, Freddie Cruger, and countless other classic figures of horror, but it took until I was an adult in college to finally experience what made Hannibal Lecter so terrifying.

For the unaware, SILENCE OF THE LAMBS tells the story of the FBI’s search for a serial killer named Buffalo Bill. An agent-in-training, CLARICE STARLING is assigned to the case and, as part of her investigation, learns that one HANNIBAL “THE CANNIBAL” LECTER may have information that could lead to the capture of Buffalo Bill. Lecter is a man of science with a brilliant mind and is cunning beyond compare. Through a series of games and deals he gleans the information he needs from law enforcement to secure his own escape from the asylum, while at the same time giving them just enough bread crumbs to keep them distracted. Without giving too much away, Lecter promises Starling the information she seeks only through a quid pro quo agreement, that she tell him what he wants to know about her childhood. One of these requests has to do with little Clarice and a baby lamb… The silence of which… is deafening…

“I am in trouble here, this woman is not right!”

Is Hannibal Lecter proof that there exists a fine line between brilliance and insanity? Does Clarice outsmart him or does he let her believe she does? And a human liver should be the LAST part of a person you would want to eat… this is Lecter’s Quid Pro Quo, from SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, as read by Jody Foster and Sir Anthony Hopkins, on Stories Telling Stories!

"I’m your number one fan!”

I have a bit of a soft spot for MISERY. It was the first Stephen King book that little seventh-grade Eric picked up on his own to read. Having never seen the movie and knowing little of the story beyond what had been referenced in other media, I had no idea what to expect. And it haunted me… truly… for weeks after I read it. I saw Annie Wilkes in the darkness when I turned off the light; hobbling for safety on my own bloody stump… but I’m getting ahead of myself…

MISERY tells the story of struggling author PAUL SHELDON, who finds himself in the care of one ANNIE WILKES after his car careens off the road during a snowstorm. As the days progress, he finds himself exclusively under her version of “care” with no guests, no doctors, and a fandom that crosses from admiration to obsession as she, upset with his treatment of his own characters in the books, forces him under the threat of extreme violence to rewrite the story to appease her… a threat that she indeed makes true on. But you’ll have to read the book to find out how… Or see the movie... Portrayed in the 1990 film by Kathy Bates, in one of her most remarkable and powerful roles, Wilkes is strong, but fragile, headstrong but humble, and capable of incredible amounts of love… at any expense… The film is a fairly faithful recreation of King’s novel but does stray in some key departments, notably in the areas of Sheldon’s growing drug addiction and the lengths Wilkes goes to to keep him immobilized and unable to escape his prison.

“I am in trouble here, this woman is not right!”

Had he not made a daring escape, would Annie have ever let Paul go? Is he as much of a dirty birdy as Annie makes him out to be? And licking another person’s blood from your own hands.. Really?!? This is MISERY’S RETURN from Stephen King’s MISERY, as read by Kathy Bates and James Caan, on Stories Telling Stories!

STARRING:

Carrie Baker as ANNIE WILKES | MARCIA

Eric R Hill as PAUL SHELDON

The leaves are changing… the days are getting colder and the nights are getting longer… autumn is in the air. It’s October, and Halloween is just around the corner; a time for sweet treats, tricks and treats, and scary stories to keep you up at night… Here at STS, we’re no strangers to the power of a good scary story, so we’re setting up a Halloween Spook-Tacular October, with four tales of terror sure to make your spine tingle… first up, we take a midnight ride to the middle of Summit Lake, to examine an underwater offering from my favorite early-2000’s made-for-TV movie, and examine Judd Nelson’s haunting portrayal of B-Movie script writer Stanley Caldwell. This is... GARDEN OF FLESH, from USA Network’s CABIN BY THE LAKE, on STORIES TELLING STORIES...

"I’m not here and I can’t afford voicemail, I’m just the writer… what do you want?”

In the year 2000, I was a huge fan of professional wrestling, specifically the then-WWF which aired Monday Night Raw on the USA Network. I didn’t otherwise pay much attention to the network, only tuning in for wrestling programming. But in the weeks leading up to the February 1st release of CABIN BY THE LAKE my interest was piqued during commercial breaks between matches, teasing a Judd Nelson-led suspense thriller that was sure to relaunch the career of the Breakfast Club alum. After a quick trip to the local Ames Department store, in my grandmother’s trusty Ford Taurus, I had a blank VHS cassette at the ready and settled in to record this no-doubt Oscar worthy made-for-tv performance, after the night’s wrestling had concluded. I don’t remember what happened on that episode of RAW, but I remember Cabin by the Lake…

“If you have to go to the hospital you don’t want to be caught wearing dirty underwear…”

Stanley is a screenwriter struggling with writer’s block. He’s at his mountain lake cabin trying to finish the script for a film that has already been sold into production. His agent and the film’s director are hounding him for a script that mocks him with blank pages. We experience the silence of Stanley’s life… a quiet home, silence, a squeaking office chair… minimal distraction. And minimal work. But much like a classically-trained thespian, there is a method in place… Stanley remarks to his agent, “okay, I’ll drown the girl,” in exasperation to her hounding about his failure to deliver the script on time, as the film is already going into production. And where she heard a writer writing, Stanley hears a call to action, beyond his desire to glean bits of character and motivation by holding an actual girl hostage… He enters… through a secret door, to a secret room, visible through a two-way mirror, we find a girl, Kimberly, chained to the floor… Stanley enters with a plate of food and a bottle of water, setting them in the center of the room… we see graffiti on the walls from a furnished permanent marker, a bare mattress against the far wall, a sink and a toilet… prison, in such a pristine environment. He gives her clean clothes and gags her with an orange for a trip out on the boat, where he ties her to a brick and pushes her overboard, after surmising from a few key questions that she was too frightened to speak. He pulls her up by the hair, for one last gasp of air, advising her “Don’t hold your breath… it just makes it worse…” before letting her go, sinking into the quiet night as her voice is silenced forever. Will she complete his garden?

“Nah, it’s dead out there…”

I adore this movie. It’s low-budget, it’s corny as hell, but Nelson’s intense stare and intimidating presence dominate every scene he’s in. The rest of the actors, try as they might, can’t manage to escape the shadow that he casts. But outside the Brat Pack, Judd Nelson was never able to achieve the level of success and steady work as some of his peers, which is unfortunate. His intensity is off-the-charts and when given a layered character he can go to town on the subtle nuances that truly bring them to life. The mistake Hollywood made with Judd Nelson was trying to make him a leading man… and perhaps he longed for the roles taken by an Estevez or a Lowe, but few actors worth their salt can imbibe a deranged, intense, gentle, friendly, and brutal mindset into a single character, with convincing integrity like he can. Nelson’s got chops… he ain’t just John Bender, kids.

“You gave me blank pages!!”

How many other scripts like this has Stanley written? Where did he first get the idea to kidnap girls as character research? And why the hell did “Return to Cabin By The Lake” have to suck so badly compared to the original?!? This is GARDEN OF FLESH from the made-for-USA Networks TV Movie “CABIN BY THE LAKE,” as read by Judd Nelson, on Stories Telling Stories!

STARRING:

Eric R Hill as STANLEY | SHERIFF | OFFICER BOONE

Sarah Venooker as MALLORY | REGAN | RANDOM AGENT

Thomas Hunt as LANCE

"And remember, bbbbring, bbbring... Hello, cheese? NO! Cheese can't dial a phone."

As I’ve mentioned in previous bits and pieces, here and there, over the past couple years, STS had its humble beginnings as a tribute of sorts to Danny DeVito’s directorial debut THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN, and the stories being crafted in Professor Donner’s creative writing class. And while I’ve only tackled two of those stories to date (Mrs Hazeltine’s Submarine Story, and Murder at my Friend Harry’s) I plan on milking that film for all its worth before this podcast, as all do, comes to its inevitable end. I’ve explored stories within stories from The Simpsons, Family Guy, Back to the Future, The Marvel Cinematic Universe, and more, with several more scripts and mediums in the works right now.

So what’s the hold-up? Why am I doing this? Why the delay?

Let me start off by saying… telling other people’s stories is fun. But it’s also hard work. Not only do I have to find them, I have to write them to style, perform them to the best of my ability, edit it all together, and hope to whatever podcasting gods oversee this sort of work that it makes sense, is well-received, and that I don’t stray far enough from Fair Use to get sued.

And, frankly, I’m bored. I want to do more. I don’t want to JUST tell other people’s stories… like the story of MICHAEL IAN BLACK, who rose to prominence from his humble beginnings on MTV’s THE STATE.

MIB is arguably the most recognizable alum from THE STATE. His career highlights include his role in “Wet Hot American Summer”, a recurring presence on VH1’s “I Love The…” series that he feared he may never break away from, and a robust stand-up comedy career that keeps him busy. MTV spun off THE STATE, of sorts, with the show VIVA VARIETY from 97-99 that brought fellow STATE cast-members Thomas Lennon and Kerri Kenney together alongside MIB’s “Johnny Blue Jeans.” But as they went on to (arguably) lesser-known fame, BLACK’S dry, irreverent take on pop culture helped make in a “bit” of a household name. His writing credits include the co-penned Simon Pegg feature “Run, Fatboy, Run” and “Wedding Dayz.” He’s also written quite the collection of children’s books, much like Danny DeVito’s character OWEN in THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN, voiced several characters on Seth Green’s ROBOT CHICKEN, and makes me wonder why of all the alum I could have focused on I had to start with the one with the longest and most impressive… resume…

Going forward, I plan on expanding the scope of the STS brand into more of an umbrella that covers a wider range of topics. I wouldn’t call it a “podcast network” so much as I’d like to grow into a collective of different shows and personalities with a pop-culture focus, that ultimately tells good stories, whatever they may be. I experimented with this shift with the Season 2 April Fool’s episode “STORIES TELLING BEDTIME STORIES / ASMR” which was an unabashed joke and a riot to write and record. It was also, statistically speaking, surprisingly well received by STS listeners around the globe as it spiked interest in the podcast by over 300% in the month of April; a level of growth that has persisted since then, with new listeners jumping onboard all the time from all around the country and all around the world.

I haven’t reached all 50 states yet, but THE STATE itself first appeared on MTV December 17, 1993 and ran for four seasons, spanning only 28 total episodes, the finale of which aired on July 1st, 1995. The show ran into issues in regards to possible syndication and home video release due to the use of licenced music in the show. The issue of which wasn’t a big deal for MTV to initially air, as they paid yearly royalties to music licencing companies (since they used to show music videos back in the day, oddly enough) but it makes for a much bigger headache when it comes to transferring the content to another medium. And a niche show like THE STATE didn’t have a big enough legacy or following to warrant the lawyer and legal headaches a syndicated or home video release would bring until July 14th, 2009, 14 years and 14 days after the show ended, MTV finally released the complete series on DVD, and in subsequent years, to streaming services. What a memorable day in television history!

Much like the assortment of memorable characters MIB played on THE STATE including Levon, of Barry and Levon, a suave pair of sexually ambiguous swingers alongside Thomas Lennon (of Reno 911 fame, but that’s another episode), as well as playing Captain Monterey Jack - a nonsense spewing motivational speaker that parodied anti-drug and alcohol spots that ran on MTV at the time. But the TAPE PEOPLE sketch, about people with tape on their faces, has the double-duty of being one of my personal favorites as well as bringing us back to our source material THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN, which shows Billy Crystal’s “Professor Donner” taping up his own face in the opening shot of the film, as he copes with his writer’s block. “I am the phantom… of the novel!”

Not to allude to my own pop culture project of degrees of separation between Throw Momma from the Train and every other piece of cultural significance in the past 50 years or anything, but for some reason I keep coming back to it, even now as I attempt to expand upon and grow STS into something more than a creative reimagining of someone else’s intellectual property. I’ve always had an interest in music, as the STS Season 1 finale displays, with my musical episode of A PETER GRIFFIN CHRISTMAS and expanding into music discussion as it relates to pop culture is something I hope to do on as well. Envisioning more of an unscripted roundtable with guests, like a traditional podcast, is appealing to me, and something I think my listeners would enjoy. If you’d like to let me know what you think about my plans… my little scheme… to grow the brand, feel free to let me know over on facebook, shoot an e-mail to StoriesTellingStories@gmail.com or even throw me a dollar over at Patreon.com/StoriesTellingStories and let’s open up a discussion, like whether THE STATE deserves to languish in obscurity as time goes on, or if it truly stands alongside lesser-known sketch comedy peers like Round House, Kids in the Hall, or MadTV.

It’s a shame that THE STATE only lasted a paltry 28 episodes. But the fact that MICHAEL IAN BLACK has been able to cultivate such an impressive career from such humble beginnings, and the fact that we’re still talking about a short-lived show that went off the air nearly a quarter of a century ago speaks volumes to the fact that those involved delivered comedy and farce with a lightning-fast wit, absurd and ridiculous character archetypes that drew the line at expectation and shattered it with surrealist abandon, and wrapped it all up with an unconventional twist on stale tropes and a masterful subversion of pop-culture expectation. If you have enjoyed sketch comedy in ANY form in the last 50 years, or even Vaudeville if you’re counting, you owe it to yourself to go back and check out THE STATE, because even after 25 years it’s remarkably fresh and side-splittingly funny.

I’m really looking to engage some of you thousands of listeners out there. What would you like to see as season 2 progresses, and as we look towards 2020 and Seasons 3 and beyond? I’ve always had an interest in music, caffeinated products, video games, technology, and lots of stuff beyond what I’ve covered on this podcast to date. I’ve also thought about including more of the behind-the-scenes process of what goes into making this show happen, which I started with episode 206 by doing a livestream over on the patreon of my voiceover and editing session, which I plan to continue as a benefit if there’s any interest in it. And I’d like to bring in other writers for talks on the process of creation and hearing about their history and growth as a writer, Story Writers Telling Their Stories, perhaps. If I can line someone up, we’ll see what we can do to make it happen. I don’t want to turn this into yet another talking, rambling, podcast, but it would be fun to have an occasional dialogue going, and someone to simply shoot the shit with.

Music. Writing. “The Process.” Maybe even reading and reviewing user submissions. The sky truly is the limit as we examine how far we’ve come as a scrappy little podcast and look to where we can take it in the future. I, for one, am excited. We’re just getting started, friends. Let’s make the most of it!

"What am I doin'?"

STATE OF THE CAST & CAST OF THE STATE is produced in association with SEEING REDD PRODUCTIONS and STS MEDIA GROUP, recorded on-location at MILTHOUSE STUDIOS in Milton, Vermont, and podcasting around the globe to your frontal lobe wherever podcasts are found. Be sure to LIKE US on facebook, shoot us an e-mail if you have any questions, and if you really like the show consider supporting it on Patreon for as little as a dollar a month, where you’re free to catch a voiceover livestream, check out future episode ideas, and even pitch me your own. Because why not? I am EricTheReDD signing off and, as always, Stay Whimsical!

"You can't bargain with God. But you can bargain with me, and I can bargain with God."

Written by Eric R. Hill

So today on STORIES TELLING STORIES, we peel back the fur, crack back the cranium and question curiously how this cunning canine became a cult classic of cartoon, uh… crap... I was on such an alliterative run there… Anyway, This is Brian Griffin’s best-selling self-help novel WISH IT, WANT IT, DO IT!... written and read by Eric R. Hill

The Prius-driving, wife-lusting, martini-sipping, anthropomorphic son of a Biscuit from Fox’s Favorite Foul-Mouthed Family fancies himself a writer. Brian Griffin, voiced in the series by creator Seth MacFarlane, began as a voice of reason and sort-of moral conscience in the early seasons of the show. But as time progressed, he became the straight man to Stewie’s antics and got relegated to B-plots and was even written out of the show (as a fuck you to fans, because why else would you write out a character and replace him with such a shitty substitution? Actually… this is FOX we’re talking about… it makes perfect sense… so scratch that.)

In Season 9 Episode 6, “Brian Writes a Bestseller,” we get our setup for this STS episode: After the critical and commercial failure of his first novel “Faster than the Speed of Love,” Brian placed the blame for the book’s failure on society and their obsession with shallow self-help books, backed up by the fact that the current best-seller is a self-help book penned by Pauly Shore. On the back of a half-hearted dare from Stewie, Brian agrees to write his own shallow self-help book, which does indeed become a commercial success… but success for the wrong reason comes with its own set of consequences. But you’ll have to watch the episode for more on that...

Is Brian truly a boring blowhard who feigns intellectualism to feel superior to others? Is the old wise Brian from earlier seasons superior to the pompous asshole Brian of late? And why is everyone in Quahog fine with a dog dating and sleeping with human women?! This is WISH IT, WANT IT, DO IT, as read by Brian Griffin, on STORIES TELLING STORIES.

• • DJ BLAND

“This is time… endless, looped time!”

Created by Steve Ditko and Stan Lee, DOCTOR STRANGE made his first appearance in the July 1963 issue of STRANGE TALES (#110 if you’re counting). Doctor Strange serves as the Sorcerer Supreme, the primary protector of Earth against magical and mystical threats. Inspired by stories of black magic and Chandu the Magician, Strange was created during the Silver Age of Comic Books to bring a different kind of character and themes of mysticism to Marvel Comics.
Once an egotistical surgeon. a car accident severely damages his hands and hinders his ability to perform surgery, he searches the globe for a way to repair them and encounters the Ancient One. After becoming one of the old Sorcerer Supreme's students, he becomes a practitioner of both the mystical arts as well as martial arts, along with studying many powerful spells. He has a suit consisting of two main relics, the Cloak of Levitation and the Eye of Agamotto, which give him added powers. He takes up residence in a mansion called the Sanctum Sanctorum, located in New York City, and later, Strange takes the title of Sorcerer Supreme to help to defend the world against future threats.

Doctor Strange is described as "the mightiest magician in the cosmos"[63] and "more powerful by far than any of your fellow humanoids" by Eternity, the sentience of the Marvel Universe. In 2008, Doctor Strange was ranked 83rd in Wizard's "200 Greatest Comic Book Characters of All Time" list,[2] and in 2012 was ranked 33rd in IGN's list of "The Top 50 Avengers".[3] He was also ranked 38th on IGN's list of "Top 100 Comic Book Heroes".

“It’s Strange...”

Could Strange really have defeated Thanos 1-on-1 if he used the Time Stone? Is his facial hair superior to Tony Stark’s? And is the Cloak of Levitation ALWAYS listening? This is THE BOOK OF CAGLIOSTRO from DOCTOR STRANGE, as read by Bowling Ball Pumpkin Patch, on STORIES TELLING STORIES...

Wong told on me?!

Burns, voiced in the entirety of the series by Harry Shearer, was originally conceived as a one-dimensional villain, and personification of corporate america with his inability to remember his employees names, lack of care in their personal safety, and unquenchable desire for more money and power. But there’s something about the rich old codger that series writers like Conan O’Brien were drawn to, be it his dated humor or unspecific old age. But his evil ways stand above many of his compatriots, showing in his naming by WIZARD magazine as #45 greatest villain of all time.

The character of Burns, drafted up by series creator Matt Groening, was modeled after several well-known tycoons (principally a few of the Rockafellers) as well as his high school teacher Mr. Bailey. He was named for the Montgomery Ward department store and further crafted after the likes of Fox’s founder David Silverman, and the fictional character Charles Foster Kane. And, while likely unintentional, his mantis-like mannerisms and physicality are frequently cited as modern examples of the Commedia Dell'arte character Pantalone, which is to say there’s a whole lot of history and a whole lot of inspiration crammed into Springfield’s most prominent 104 year old man!

Does anyone know the TRUE age of Mr. Burns? Did he really know all the famous people he said he knew in real life? And will Waylon Smithers ever get the girl? This is WILL THERE EVER BE A RAINBOW, as read by Harry Shearer, on STORIES TELLING STORIES

“...even though he was mortally wounded...”

As discussed in the very first episode of STORIES TELLING STORIES, TMFTT was the directorial debut of one Danny DeVito and featured a star-studded cast that included the likes of Billy Crystal, Rob Reiner, Oprah Winfrey, and the late Anne Ramsey, whose only other notable cinematic performance is burned into the collective psyche as Mother Fratelli in The Goonies, before her tragic passing in 1988. But TMFTT, while lesser-known than The Goonies, garnered her an Academy Award Nomination for Best Actress, an award she would lose to Olympia Dukakis in MOONSTRUCK. But that’s not why we’re here… While also directing the film, Danny DeVito stars as struggling creative writer, and ridiculous man-child Owen Lift, stuck under the thumb of his aging and overbearing momma. Desperate to find his voice and become a famous writer, he takes a class with Billy Crystal’s Professor Donner at the local community college, where he attempts to write murder mysteries without any sense of what a good murder mystery entails… what he produces is a three-page story with only two characters, one of which was dead on page 2. Aside from the opening line, and a brief scene underneath the bed-sheets following a conversation with Professor Donner, we’re not entirely sure what else the story contained… until now.

Does Professor Donner lash out at Owen due to his own insecurities as a writer? Was Owen’s father Ned a poet with a pen, explaining why Momma is so against his writing? And in 2018 do I really have the courage to tackle Mr Pinsky’s coffee table book in a future episode? This is… MURDER AT MY FRIEND HARRY’S, from THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN… as read by Billy Crystal, on STORIES TELLING STORIES.

“The man in the hat staggered into the dark night, like a milkman going out on his route...”

Seth MacFarlane is no stranger to mashing up musical numbers and farce. In Season 4, Episode 12 of Family Guy, “The Perfect Castaway,” we’re treated to a cutaway featuring Peter Griffin’s christmas album, presented in the style of those god-awful TIME LIFE music collection infomercials, which for the uninitiated are little more than glorified mixtapes of forgotten music at a premium price targeted at the boomer-nostalgia crowd, in-between reverse mortgage ads and Wilford Brimley’s diabeetus. Peter doesn’t know the words and in some instances barely knows the melody. It’s a short cut-away but it left it’s mark. Unlike this episode. We’re going to milk that cutaway for all it’s worth, just like Mr. Conway Twitty!

“Holy crap here comes Jesus, and he doesn’t look too happy!”

What other songs could be included in this masterpiece of holiday cheer? Does the average viewer realize that the voice of Brian is simply Seth MacFarlane speaking normally? And could Quagmire’s giggidy-goo be considered a biological weapon? This is A Peter Griffin Christmas, as sung by Seth MacFarlane on Stories Telling Stories!

“Reh-dyeh-seh-frah-huh-vraweweh-seh-meh-blah-naruh-reeaaahhh...”

Growing up, the prequel trilogy was “my” Star Wars. Being born in ‘84 I was too young to experience the original trilogy during their theatrical release, aside from the New Hope special edition, but was primed for the prequels, and unprepared for the backlash they would unleash. Perhaps I’m kinder to the maligned episodes 1-3 because I grew up with them; stoking my passion for the Force in the building anticipation of the next release? Perhaps I understand what George Lucas was “trying” to do, and trying to say, but with nobody on set with the balls to question his choices, he was unable? And perhaps I’m just wrong, and that I shouldn’t like those terrible prequels as much as I do. But I do. And I digress…

Episode III finds a vulnerable Anakin Skywalker being further seduced towards the dark side by his “close friend” Chancellor Palpatine, who manipulates Anakin through his insecurities, into ultimately betraying the Jedi order under the guise of protecting the Republic. Knowing that Anakin feared losing his wife Padme’ in childbirth, Palpatine tells Anakin of an old Sith legend about a force user with an understanding of the force so great he could create life and prevent death. And this is where our STAR WARS inspired episode of STORIES TELLING STORIES picks up…

“I AM the Senate!”

Is the Force reliant on miti-chlorian count? Can any living thing learn to tap into it? And if given the choice between a functioning lightsaber and a billion dollars, what color blade would you choose? This is… The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise, as read by Sir Ian McDiarmid, on STORIES TELLING STORIES.

“It’s treason, then!”

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, brainchild of Rob McElhenney, follows the shenanigans and adventures of the employees of Paddy’s Pub, a perpetually-failing irish pub in Philadelphia, and the colorful cast of characters that somehow find themselves crossing paths. Dennis and Dee Reynolds are sociopathic siblings, their father is Frank Reynolds, a slovenly and boorish man played famously by Danny DeVito, who lives with the “wildcard” Charlie, and series creator McElhenney is the body dysmorphic and homosexual Mac. There are no heroes in this show. Everyone is a villian to varying degrees and between the core cast every major biblical sin is covered at least once. But there’s an odd charm to be found within all this blasphemy.

Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life made its television debut as the ninth episode of the fourth season on October 23, 2008 and is notable for featuring guest-stars Sinbad and Matchbox 20 frontman Rob Thomas. The episode opens with Dennis discovering Charlie has, on his person, his erotic memoirs. Upon questioning from the rest of the gang, Dennis explains how the book contains a tale of redemption told through his many erotic exploits that he hoped to publish someday and unleash on the world “in a fiery blaze of eroticism.”

“I’m a 5-star man!!!”

What words of wisdom can be gleaned from Dennis’ sticky pages? Is there a limit to the depraved things the production team can get Danny DeVito to do? And how do you like your milk-steak cooked? This is Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life, as read by Danny DeVito, on Stories Telling Stories!

“Demonstrate Value, Engage Physically, Nurture Dependence, Neglect Emotionally, Inspire Hope, Separate Entirely.”

A cult-classic, preserved forever in the National Film Registry of the Library of Congress for being considered culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant, The Big Lebowski initially disappointed at the Box Office and received mediocre reviews from critics at the time of release. Arguably the gem in the Coen Brother’s catalogue, The Big Lebowski follows the exploits and adventures of “The Dude,” his bowling buddies Walter, and Donny, and the colorful cast of characters that populate a surprisingly sleepy corner of Los Angeles at the tail end of George H.W. Bush’s presidency. Politics glaze over like dust in the wind as The Dude gets dragged into a conflict he wanted nothing to do with, just because he shared the same last name as a local millionaire, and some asian-american peed on his rug. The movie is well worth your time, although try not to take it too seriously.

After The Dude’s car is stolen, it is recovered by police but missing a briefcase full of money. Wedged inside the seat cushion, The Dude finds a crumpled up piece of paper that his friend Walter is able to trace back to the son of television writer Arthur Digby Sellers and that’s where this week’s episode of STORIES TELLING STORIES picks up.

“Shut the fuck up Donny, you’re out of your element!”

Are the nihilists true nihilists since they seem to care so deeply about Lebowski’s money? How did The Dude gain his iconic nickname? And if Donny was in his element, would he still be alive and with us today? This is Eric R Hill’s take on “Larry Sellers’ The Louisiana Purchase” from THE BIG LEBOWSKI, as read by John Goodman on STORIES TELLING STORIES.

“I’m calmer than you are, dude...”

A 90-minute drive south from Milthouse Studio sits the majestic and picturesque town of East Corinth, Vermont where, in 1987, Tim Burton brought the fantastic tale of Beetlejuice, the Deetz, and the Maitlands to life. After Burton found success with the 1985 classic “Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure,” he was looking for a new script to sink his teeth into while working on a version of BATMAN that the studio would green-light. But Burton burned through stacks of scripts, disillusioned with their lack of originality and imagination, before being handed Beetlejuice by studio head David Geffen. The original script was a far cry from what would become the film, with such changes as a less comedic and more serious tone, Beetlejuice being a winged demon, in the form of a short middle-eastern man hell-bent on killing the Deetz family, and being played by Sammy Davis Jr. Let that sink in for a moment…

To bring the unfamiliar up to speed, Upon their untimely deaths, the Maitlands find themselves prisoners in their own homes, as it sells to the Deetz family, with only a small book to guide them on their journey to the afterlife. Seeking the help of a freelance “bio-exorcist” by the name of Beetlejuice, the attempts to scare away the family backfire, bringing in outside forces wishing to cash in on the haunted phenomena contained in this picturesque house. After obtaining the handbook, unbeknownst to the Maitlands, a seance is performed, which turns out to be an exorcism. To find out what happens next, you’ll have to check out the film.

“Go ahead… make my millenium...”

What other wisdom can be gleaned from the handbook besides exorcising ghosts? Do the Maitlands really have to spend the next 125 years in that house? And if sand worms are apex predators, what the hell do they eat? This is Eric R Hill’s take on “Handbook For The Recently Deceased” from Tim Burton’s Beetlejuice, as read by Winona Ryder and Michael Keaton on STORIES TELLING STORIES.

“Nice F#$%in’ Model! honk-honk”

THE FIRST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB IS… YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB. The work of Chuck Palahniuk has inspired me as a writer for the better part of the 21st Century, but my torrid love affair with the modern master of cultural apathy began in the late 90’s when David Fincher’s explosive rendition of FIGHT CLUB took our pre-911 sensibilities by storm. Pitching the Clinton-era model of American consumerism on its side, FIGHT CLUB was a far cry from the other major films of its time. The optimistic luster of the brink of a new millennium was wiped away in a fury of secrets, insomnia, back-room fisticuffs, and homemade dynamite. David Fincher opened the floodgates of our imagination to the future possibilities of modern cinema and storytelling, and provided a grim premonition of the Millenial’s struggle to find meaning in a new century where the elite and powerful have stacked the odds against them; an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars… This is it… ground zero...

“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything...”

What happened to Jack and his cognizant body parts? Would Tyler Durdon’s message of the human condition have continued to spread, had the narrator not interferred? And just how many soldiers have enlisted in Project Mayhem anyway? THE FIRST RULE OF PROJECT MAYHEM IS YOU DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS! Okay, I’m sorry. This is Eric R Hill’s take on “I AM JACK’S BODY” from Chuck Palahniuk’s FIGHT CLUB on STORIES TELLING STORIES.

“The things you own… end up owning you.”

Family Guy, the brainchild of Fox animation stalwart Seth McFarlane, carved a niche for itself by busting the formula of the animated sitcom that other such shows have followed for decades, including The Simpsons. More “Beavis and Butt-Head” than “Wait till Your Father Gets Home,” Family Guy was crass, immature, absurd, and occasionally brilliant. McFarlane’s creation single-handedly rewrote the book on animated comedy, whether you like it or not, infuriating censors, religious groups, and anyone curious enough to watch by pulling no punches and letting it all hang out. One episode in particular, the inspiration of today’s podcast, shows family patriarch Peter Griffin gaining great success in the world of literature by crafting his own take on the erotic, with his own aptly-named sub-genre “Peterotica.” Riffing on popular culture, he reimagines classic and modern literature as abstract descriptions of what a blue-collar worker would imagine high-class erotica to be, but accessible to his peers. While Peterotica doesn't outlive the episode in which it debuts, we are nonetheless going to immortalize it as only we can, and bring Peter Griffin’s erotic vision to life.

“There was so many boobs I didn’t know who’s boobs I was grabbing; my boobs or your boobs!!!”

Would there be a viable market for Peterotica in today’s society? Does this sort of “art form” constitute free-speech and therefore fall under the guise of parody to avoid legal complications? And if given the chance, would you bury your nose in “The Half Black Chick” or “Angela’s Asses?” This is Eric R Hill’s take on Peter Griffin’s “HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLACK CHICK,” as read by Daniel Radcliffe, on STORIES TELLING STORIES.

Making his first appearance in episode 7G04 (the fourth episode of the first season) “THERE'S NO DISGRACE LIKE HOME,” Dr Marvin Monroe was an early recurring character with an obnoxious, gravelly voice that ultimately lead to his demise; being written off the show in season 7 due to irritation the voice caused actor Harry Shearer and the fact that Matt Groening, series creator, found it annoying. I can’t say I blame him. But the fact he was resurrected in episode 10 of season 15 “DIATRIBE OF A MAD HOUSEWIFE,” getting a copy of Marge’s novel “Harpoon my Heart” signed, is confusing nonetheless. But I digress... being a trailblazer in modern television, paving the way for television quacks like Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil, Dr Marvin Monroe made his mark although his time was short. Except it wasn’t, because he wasn’t actually dead. I guess. After nearly 30 years on the air, who’s to say what makes sense in that universe?

“Your dog isn’t the problem, YOU are!”

What words of wisdom does this briefly-mentioned self-help book have to teach us? Was this character better off dead? And based on his varying levels of expertise, did Marvin Monroe go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College, too? This is Eric R Hill’s take on I’M OKAY, WHY AREN’T YOU, by the immortal Dr Marvin Monroe, on STORIES TELLING STORIES.

“This is what I call aversion therapy... When someone hurts you emotionally, you will hurt them physically, and gradually you will learn not to hurt each other at all... And won't that be wonderful?”

Whether you love the series or hate it, South Park, having been on the air for over 20 years, has carved an indelible mark into popular culture. Whether poking fun at politics or crossing every imaginable line one might define as decency, the twisted brainchild of Trey Parker and Matt Stone has nonetheless persisted and managed to stay relevant and just as fresh as ever. Episode 197; THE TALE OF SCROTIE MCBOOGERBALLS, the second episode of the 14th season, is no exception. A jab at censorship and our human need to find meaning in the meaningless, it’s as self-referential as it is poignant, as times and tastes have changed since the early days of Harper Lee’s “To Kill a Mockingbird.” Sometimes a blue curtain is a symbol of the writer’s despair, and sometimes butt cheese is just butt cheese.

“Sorry Dad, I was just bein' the voice of a generation.”

Does Butter’s sequel to THE TALE OF SCROTIE MCBOOGERBALLS really stack up to the original? Is the language too simplistic and two-dimensional for an audience accustomed to the soaring metaphors of the original, or is there truly a deeper meaning? And how exactly does a poop take a… nevermind… This is Eric R Hill’s take on Leopold “Butters” Stoch’s “THE POOP THAT TOOK A PEE” as read by Morgan Freeman, on STORIES TELLING STORIES.

“Oh it's raunchy alright! I know what my readers want, and I'm going to deliver!”

What can one say about the timeless 80’s time-traveling comedy that hasn’t already been said? Old Man builds time machine. Old Man enrages Libyans. Libyans kill Old Man. Boy escapes in time machine. Boy almost destroys universe. Younger Old Man fixes Time Machine. Boy makes out with mother. Boy inspires Father. Boy kinda puts space-time continuum back together. Boy goes “back to the future.” New-Present is awesome and Father wrote a novel about it. Whoops... And old-younger-old man cheated at time and didn’t die.

“You mean you’re gonna touch her on her…”

Does the new 1985 still have Star Wars and Star Trek? Will George get sued for Darth Vader coming down from Vulcan? And is homelife super awkward after that tonsil hockey in the parking lot at the dance? This is Eric R Hill’s take on George McFly’s “A MATCH MADE IN SPACE” on STORIES TELLING STORIES.

“I think it’s time to play dodgeball…”

What happened to the boy to cause him to give up his search so soon?  Where did the puppy disappear to when he was merely sniffing around the bushes?  And do you think Miss Lippy is still a Miss because of the odd paste-facial obsession?  Sit back, relax and enjoy… This is Eric R Hill’s take on Chrissy Taylor’s “THE PUPPY WHO LOST HIS WAY” on STORIES TELLING STORIES.

“...dive, DIVE said the captain through the thing…”

The 1987 black comedy “TMFTT” is notable for being Danny DeVito’s directoral debut, as well as the only other film to star late-actress Anne Ramsey (of GOONIES fame) in the title role as DeVito’s cranky and cruel mother “Mrs. Lift.” OWEN LIFT is a man-child of sorts who was never allowed the chance to grow up and escape the grasp of his overbearing mother. Finding an outlet in a community college class, taught by Billy Crystal’s PROFESSOR DONNER, we discover a colorful cast of characters all vying for the opportunity to become better storytellers. Within this class, we discover an opinionated older woman, known only as MRS HAZELTINE who crafts a wartime submarine story without such key details as the name of certain instruments or the captain’s name; just a fellow seaman named DAVE, the use of questionable similes, and a seemingly abrupt and anticlimactic ending.

“...his guts oozed nice like a melted malted…”

Where did these seamen come from? From what enemy do they make such a daring escape? And who the hell is DAVE? It’s time to find out, as MRS HAZELTINE’S Submarine Story comes to life, 30 years after the original, with the world’s first fully fleshed-out telling… Sit back, relax, and enjoy… This is STORIES TELLING STORIES…

“HOLY $#!^! WHAT A DREAM I WAS HAVING! Louis Armstrong was trying to kill me!”