The Love Lawyers

In which . . . just . . . why is Clippy so erotic? And why are we aroused?

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 20 Jan 2023 17:14:08 +0000

As promised, we have returned to attack your earbuds and heartbuds with Clippy, the erotic tale of a Microsoft Office Assistant turned horndog. Unless . . . there's a plot twist that causes us to question the entirety of this universe.

In which we return from Covid to anger the lord and read...strange pr0n.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 13 Jan 2023 11:00:00 +0000

After a long, awful, horrible bout of Covid, your friendly neighbourhood garbage lawyers are back reading horrendously weird smut. There are some weird audio glitches, and we are sorry about that. We're back, baby! Happy New Year!

In which the palette cleanser book starts off weird as shit.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 16 Sep 2022 10:00:00 +0000

Happy New Season, everyone! This new book is Conquered by Clippy, by Leonard Delaney. Prepare your earholes for whatever the fuck this is.

In which DEAR GOD HOW DOES IT KEEP GETTING WORSE?

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 9 Sep 2022 10:00:00 +0000

Season finale! Hello friends, join us today as we scream into the void about the worst relationship ever. Also we finally made a Patreon. No pressure: https://www.patreon.com/LoveLawyers.

In which boy-bonding happens and the bitchwife emerges.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 2 Sep 2022 10:00:00 +0000

In this episode, I, Memphis, am vindicated. Our ultimate villain -- the BITCHWIFE -- shows her skanky face. Also a bunch of Star Wars jokes I couldn't figure out if I should cut or not. Enjoy!

In which nipples are slipped and someone says "I love you."

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 26 Aug 2022 10:00:00 +0000

The mystery! The drama! The suspense! Who will spill their heart out? The whiny, needy protagonist who has made zero good decisions since this saga started, or the cold, emotionless douche who does the bare minimum and is praised for it? Find out in this episode!

In which working women learn to get on their knees when their boss is angry.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 19 Aug 2022 10:00:00 +0000

He did it all for the nookie. Remember kids -- the only thing that can stop a sad lawyer with a grudge is a . . . sexy lawyer with a blowjob? I don't know, it sounded good in my head. I'll come up with something better next week . . . Probably not though.

In which MaKayla flashes her thing at Matt.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 12 Aug 2022 10:00:00 +0000

Matt and Makayla have adult conversations that are mostly Matt putting his fingers inside his girlfriend while she tries to have a serious discussion. Don't worry - she's fixed him. Liz and Memphis start a Dave-related foundation to protect an underserved population.

In which bacon grease and naked bodies don't mix.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz) — Fri, 5 Aug 2022 18:00:00 +0000

When last we left off, a surprisingly well written sex scene between two people who clearly love each other very much. How can this book possible f*** that up?

In which his rooster seduces my body, but his words seduce my heart.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 29 Jul 2022 10:00:00 +0000

Matt finds the clitoris, Makayla doesn't drink wine, and a child may or may not be around. Warning: contains graphic mentions of a lady lawyer's lower parts, and a regular lawyer's wang.

In which we are all okay with sexual misconduct now!

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 22 Jul 2022 10:00:00 +0000

Comedy is happening between our protagonists. They're both so hilarious. So funny. So . . . in loooove. Also, another partner catches them in the act! Suspense?

In which absolutely, positively no sex happens whatsoever.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Memphis) — Fri, 15 Jul 2022 10:00:00 +0000

So they're dating after only seeing each other....carnally.... for six months. What does this mean????

(Legal) Affairs of the Heart

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Memphis, Liz) — Fri, 8 Jul 2022 10:00:00 +0000

We continue our comedic trek through Sawyer's Magnum Opus with Book 5, Reparation. Where we last left off, our fearless protagonist had managed to make absolutely no progress in her love life, her friendships, or her career after only.... holy crap 4 books? The love of her life had asked her out on a date after only 6 months of furious humping. WHAT WILL SHE WEAR??

In which protofeathers are ruffled, dongs drag the ground, and the Fuckceratops makes a return.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Sun, 26 Jun 2022 18:10:21 +0000

Yes, we know what's happening in the United States. Yes, we are upset. No, this episode doesn't address it because it was recorded prior. Just listen to some weird dino pr0n with us and laugh. We all need it.

In which a victorian twink writes horny poetry for thicc dinosaurs.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Memphis, Liz) — Fri, 17 Jun 2022 10:00:00 +0000

Lord Bartholomew is on his way to the zoo to see the beautiful new import from undiscovered lands. Could there be romance in the air for Lord Bart and the feathered thicc beast?

In which a little lord lusts for large lizard legs.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 10 Jun 2022 17:07:21 +0000

Our newest novella, Lord Bartholomew's Ankylosaur Lover, continues our tradition (?) of punishing ourselves with bad romance. Stay tuned for fancy wordplay, Covid coughs, and the introduction of a new dino love interest. It literally could not get worse than the last book. HAPPY PRIDE YOU QUEERS!

In which dinosaurs have armless sex and two lawyers despair.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 3 Jun 2022 10:00:00 +0000

Tannis, now missing an arm due to a sexy dino-related incident...does sex things. Listen, it's straight-up dinosaur pr0n. What more do you people want from us?

In which we return from a brief hiatus to some proper dino-rotica.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Memphis) — Fri, 27 May 2022 08:00:00 +0000

LAST TIME ON DINOSAUR ROMANCE: TELEPATHIC DINOS INCOMPREHENSIBLY INTOLERANT DADS TAKING A BULLET FOR YOUR FEATHERED DINO LOVER WHAT NEXT?

In which sexy dino summer begins.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 6 May 2022 15:41:43 +0000

The world is bad and scary . . . anyway, let's read some dino porn together. Includes rage-filled tangents from two queer women lawyers trying to cope with losing their rights to their own bodies. Is coping by reading about sexy telepathic dinosaurs valid? Yes, yes it is. VOTE IN THE MIDTERMS IF YOU ARE IN THE UNITED STATES.

In which Mckayla's face gets covered in something hot, wet, and sticky.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Memphis) — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 10:00:00 +0000

We finally end this season of Legal Affairs with chocolate, hangovers, and sexy? men. Oh, and the most rage inducing conversation ever. Liz screeched. More than once.

In which Matt drunk texts and Mac swoons in a sea of red flags.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 15 Apr 2022 10:00:00 +0000

Legal advice of the week: Leave your work at 2pm and go out drinking. Hooray!

In which oh my god these are crimes - run, girl, run!

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 8 Apr 2022 10:00:00 +0000

Our protagonist screams at her boss about her poor work product, and he responds in a professional manner that does not implicate him in any misconduct. Why would you think that? We are confused. Send help. Content warning at the beginning of the episode.

In which McKayla is taught the value of hard work.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Memphis, Liz) — Fri, 1 Apr 2022 10:00:00 +0000

Our sexy man hero (swoon) is incapable of running a law firm without sleeping with McKayla . . . how did he do it before she arrived? Secretaries are chased away in tears, McKayla is bratty and incapable of taking constructive criticism, and Matt is his usual prick self despite being the love interest. Share us with your friends!

In which our heroine finally does her damn job.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (liz, Memphis) — Fri, 25 Mar 2022 10:00:00 +0000

In which Matt puts his dick away.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Memphis) — Fri, 18 Mar 2022 10:00:00 +0000

Boy, our protagonist's relationship seems to be on the rocks AGAIN. Whatever will happen? Will McKayla learn that there are people who can be both good at sex AND emotionally compatible? Will Matt learn that his terrifying orgasmotron of a penis does not solve all problems? Will Cal finally meet someone worthy of his love? One way to find out!

In which romantic partners should stop talking with their mouth full.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Memphis) — Fri, 11 Mar 2022 11:00:00 +0000

We continue the truly bizarre story of our heroine's suddenly departed mother, as Matt decides that he would rather challenge McKayla to a saw-style sex game than have an adult conversation.

In which good dick is the cure for all trauma.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Memphis, Unfathomable Family Trauma) — Fri, 4 Mar 2022 11:00:00 +0000

Listen, you're just gonna have to trust us on this one. Featuring music by Kevin MacLeod.

In which... wait what do you mean he has a kid?

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Memphis, Liz) — Fri, 25 Feb 2022 11:00:00 +0000

In our last episode we found out that Matt is terrible at his job and should probably be put in jail. What new revelations can come about this progressively more awful person?

In which we do do do the Butt Stuff.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 18 Feb 2022 11:00:00 +0000

A middle aged woman tries to write about anal sex without using any impolite terms. MacKayla is living in a loop forever. Even Matt Fucking Conover's love rivals revere him after gross malpractice occurs. Two queer lawyers try desperately to make sense of this.

In which two women try to have a conversation that isn't about men

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Memphis) — Fri, 11 Feb 2022 11:00:00 +0000

Last episode, McKayla and Matt had.... well, I suppose you could call that sex. Now, we must indulge in that most classic of traditions, telling your friends all about your sex life.

In which our heroine awakes to feeeeeeeelings.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (liz, Memphis) — Fri, 4 Feb 2022 11:00:00 +0000

Are our protagonists (if you could call them that) falling in love? Probably not - we're only halfway through the book. Like and subscribe to our podcast for weekly exasperated reviews!

In which we finally witness the worst sex.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Memphis) — Fri, 28 Jan 2022 11:00:00 +0000

McKayla left Cal behind at the gala, because she is just the worst. And now bear witness to the worst romantic chapter of the three books thus far.

In which literally every single other woman must be ELIMINATED.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Memphis) — Fri, 21 Jan 2022 11:00:00 +0000

The gala finally comes, with McKayla and Cal decked out in their black tie finery. But who is that coming in the door? And why do I feel suddenly bad for Cal?

In which Lorraine leaves and McKayla lusts.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Memphis) — Fri, 14 Jan 2022 11:00:00 +0000

The end of Lorraine! McKayla has watched her longtime nemesis removed from her life. But now what?

In which there are serious concequences for inappropriate actions.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Memphis) — Fri, 7 Jan 2022 11:00:00 +0000

In our last episode, MacKayla nearly came to blows with her supervisor, Lorraine. After discovering this, her boss/f**boy summoned her to her office. Will there finally be consequences for her persistent shitty behavior? We will see!

In which diplomas are smashed and everyone is the worst at their job.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 31 Dec 2021 11:00:00 +0000

Last episode of 2021, and it's a doozy. Lorraine finally shows how skanky and awful she is. McKayla believes that making appointments to see Matt means she has "unfettered access" to her former lover. McKayla has now spent 46 months studying biomechanical engineering. Happy New Year!

In which McKayla returns in a slinky dress and finds self-respect.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Memphis) — Fri, 17 Dec 2021 10:00:00 +0000

Makayla returns! She regained her independence, left Matt in the dust, and hit it off with a sexy new guy who treats her right! ...how long until she f***s this up, do you think?

In which interns are sexed and a new variant is unleashed..

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 10 Dec 2021 11:00:00 +0000

So in the final (for now) installment of this breakout series where Liz and Memphis read virus porn, Dr. Amy Amyson becomes . . . the virus. Juices. Interns. Boobies as big and red as the sun. This chapter has it all. If you like us, comment/subscribe/tell your friends/send us love letters.

In which a new Covid strain is discovered after a lustful liaison in a lavatory.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 3 Dec 2021 11:00:00 +0000

Dr. Amy Amyson gets attacked by a sexy air hostess's privates in an airplane bathroom, only to find out later that she has Covid. Will she have the D1CK strain of Covid that was spreading across the globe? Or, is there an even newer strain of Covid out there? Just in time for our world to get rekt by a new variant IRL. Well, good luck everyone.

COVID Chronicles, Book 3: In which everyone is a pansexual nightmare and it's amazing.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 19 Nov 2021 10:00:00 +0000

Liz and Memphis begin the third book of the Covid Chronicles. In this book, another sexy lady scientist microbiologist researcher returns from a conference full of other sexy scientists. She is unabashedly sex-positive and humps anything that moves. Memphis finds her soul mate, and Liz is a prude. Join us in this lesbian virus romance as Dr. Amy Amyson pushes the limits of SCIENCE.

In which the pandemic is cured by gay sex

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Memphis) — Fri, 12 Nov 2021 10:00:00 +0000

He took TWO DOSES. What does this mean? Will he survive? I'm sure nothing unusual or otherworldly will possibly happen this week....

In which tits bounce in anger and meats are marinated.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 5 Nov 2021 10:00:00 +0000

In this week's episode, our sexy, buxom Dr. Kelly has more encounters with deli meats. She also has an encounter with a less-sexy, less buxom doctor. Finally, she has an encounter with a man so sexy his arms were the size of elephant legs. What could go wrong? Remember when we read law-themed erotica? Pepperidge farm remembers.

COVID Chronicles, Book 2: In which unspeakable things are done with a hotdog.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Mem) — Fri, 29 Oct 2021 09:00:00 +0000

This is entirely Memphis's fault. Liz read this under intense protest. She is very sorry. Don't listen while eating...you may never look at mayonnaise the same way.

In which coronavirus is a chonky boy with a concerning crotch.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Memphis) — Fri, 22 Oct 2021 09:00:00 +0000

Bob is dead! Alexa is horny! Covid is Surprisingly well-endowed! What could POSSIBLY come next?

In which the she murdered him with science!

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 15 Oct 2021 10:00:00 +0000

The Love Lawyers (formerly known as Premature Adjudication) explore the sexy world of SCIENCE. "Drops" are SI units, Covid vaccines are shot up on the spot to test them out, and people are gross enough to not let their coworkers know when they are infected. If you like us, please like/comment/subscribe/shout from the rooftops!

In which a sexy lady scientist lusts after the Coronavirus.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 8 Oct 2021 10:00:00 +0000

Formerly Premature Adjudication, and now with an easier name, Liz and Memphis embark on a new book. Dr. Alexa Ashingtonford is a sexy scientist who spends her days stroking sexy test tubes full of Coronavirus. How will she keep her pants on in such a steamy work environment? What part of this story makes even the tiniest bit of sense?? Join us as Alexa kisses the Coronavirus. Rate/comment if you like the podcast~

SEASON FINALE: In which the sexy sax music ceases.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 1 Oct 2021 10:00:00 +0000

Ummm . . . So this is the end of Book 2, and things go south with our heroine and her garbage boss. Please help us with the jokes for this episode. It's a lot. If you like us, please rate/comment on your favorite podcast app! Thank you for three great seasons!

In which MacKayla has grounds to sue Matt for sexual harassment.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 24 Sep 2021 10:00:00 +0000

For some reason, Spotify has not been updating our podcast this week. We're working on resolving this issue! Stay tuned! MacKayla does legal things and her memo receives no praise. Of course, this means that her boss Lorraine is horrible and a skank (her words). Will the revelation that Lorraine and Matt are going to dinner derail MacKayla's entire existence? Will she commit for-real murder because two partners at her law firm interact with each other? Find out this, and more, in today's episode. If you like us, share us with your friends and rate/comment on your favorite podcast app!

In which McKayla commits ACTUAL MALPRACTICE because opposing counsel is hot.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 17 Sep 2021 10:00:00 +0000

McKayla heads on over to the only place in New York that an employed attorney can work: The Columbia Law Library. While there, a sexy stranger approaches and legal malpractice ensues. Could Liz and Memphis ever get laid by simply doing research on piercing the corporate veil? If you like our show, please rate/comment on your favorite podcast app!

In which backdoors open, showers break, and pancakes lead the way to tears

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Memphis, Liz) — Fri, 10 Sep 2021 10:00:00 +0000

Matt didn't have energy for sex? Will things ever be the same? What will happen when Matt wakes up in McKayla's bed NOT smelling of shame?

In Which Shower Sexcapades are Suprisingly Dissappointing

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 3 Sep 2021 10:00:00 +0000

Makayla, with her absolute lack of self-esteem, desperately wants to impress a man while wearing pyjamas. Disgusting, right? Matt, the ORGASM MASTER, doesn't have time to listen to her talk about . . . well, anything. Ah, young love. If you like us, please rate us on your favourite podcast app!

In Which MacKayla Repeatedly Fakes Explosive Diarrhea

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Memphis) — Fri, 27 Aug 2021 10:00:00 +0000

MacKayla has just given the best blowjob the world has ever seen! Now she's going to get some too.... right? And what about the important job that this entire trip was for? Isn't someone suing someone else?

In Which We Witness the Pinnacle of All Oral Sex

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Memphis, Liz) — Fri, 20 Aug 2021 10:00:00 +0000

Previously, Matt and McKayla engage in totally acceptable and normal foreplay involving an assault, a drag down a hallway, and a failed attempt to remove a shirt. Will they FINALLY have sex? Or will this dry spell continue for another chapter? And what of the depositions??

In Which Sexy Sax Music Cures All Wrongs

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 10:00:00 +0000

Previously: Matt hurled a man across a bar to protect McKayla's honor! We open our chapter with Matt standing above the fallen form of a drunk lawyer. How will this affect the hearings? Will the depositions go on? Will we forget that there are consequences for actions and also that there is a reason everyone was in this city? Content Warning: Some light discussion of consent, sexual assault. Listen safely, friends.

In which MacKayla's magnificent mammaries manifest a melee.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Memphis, Liz) — Fri, 6 Aug 2021 09:00:00 +0000

McKayla is on her first major law assignment with her new firm, traveling to depose the worst of the worst! Will she find the big break to win the case? Will she have a tawdry fling with her superior? Is all of this leading up to the STUPIDEST CHARACTER WE HAVE MET TO DATE? Tune in an find out!

Back to Book 1 - In which Liz and Memphis return to MacKayla still pining over Matt.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 30 Jul 2021 09:00:00 +0000

Burning with curiosity about what Makayla has been up to, Liz and Memphis return to find her woman feelings being hurt by a mean meanie. What lies in store for this infatuated biglaw attorney and the boss she slept with once? If you like us, or if you don't, please rate us on whatever app you use for podcasting. Thanks!

Book 2, Chapter 7: In which a Lawyer finally becomes a Nanny

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Memphis) — Fri, 23 Jul 2021 09:00:00 +0000

Gwen meets The Family. Will she be worthy of looking after their darling children in their sparkling mansion? Or will she have to return to her high paying law firm job in her fancy apartment and her movie star clientele?

Book 2, Chapter 6: In which Memphis has flashbacks to her own nannying job.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 16 Jul 2021 09:00:00 +0000

Gwen redecorates her horrible apartment to look like the inside of a Tiffany & Co. box. Ben Shapiro is determined to be the hottest lesbian. Gwen is offered a nannying job, causing Memphis to seethe in rage. If you like this episode, or if you hate it, let us know by leaving us a review or rating us.

Book 2, Chapter 5: In which Gwen lives like a grad student for two minutes and loses her mind.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 9 Jul 2021 09:00:00 +0000

After totally bungling a minor case, Gwen flees the city the only way a wealthy, powerful attorney can -- by living in squalor in a studio apartment. Will she learn from her mistakes? Will this adventure humble her? Will she lay low at her billionaire best friend's mansion instead of at an apartment with no bathroom door? Find out in today's episode! Rate us on your favorite podcast app and help us quit our day jobs as lawyers.

Book 2, Chapter 4: In which EMILY MUST DIE.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Memphis) — Fri, 2 Jul 2021 09:00:00 +0000

Email your thoughts, comments and hate mail to prematureadjudicationpodcast@gmail.com.

Book 2, Chapter 3: In which Gwen puts fashion before eveything else.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Memphis, Liz) — Fri, 25 Jun 2021 09:00:00 +0000

Email your thoughts, comments and hate mail to prematureadjudicationpodcast@gmail.com.

Book 2, Chapter 2: In which Gwen takes the stupidest case ever.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Memphis) — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 09:00:00 +0000

Send all hate mail to prematureadjudicationpodcast@gmail.com!

Book 2, Chapter 1: In Which Liz and Memphis Start a New Book ... From Lawyer to Nanny

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Memphis) — Fri, 11 Jun 2021 09:00:00 +0000

Send all hate mail to prematureadjudicationpodcast@gmail.com!

Season Finale - In which Matt leaves and McKayla mopes.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Memphis, Liz) — Fri, 4 Jun 2021 09:00:00 +0000

CONTINUED IN SEASON 3. This is the end of Season 1! But fear not, there is more legal fiction to come! And this is far from the end for McKayla....

In which binders fly in the heat of passion.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz) — Fri, 28 May 2021 09:00:00 +0000

Content Warning: Good? Sex, Flip-flops, Svendborg

In which McKayla is in DANGER.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Memphis, Liz) — Fri, 21 May 2021 09:00:00 +0000

Send all hate mail to prematureadjudicationpodcast@gmail.com!

In which literally everyone is a skank.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Memphis, Liz) — Fri, 14 May 2021 09:00:00 +0000

Content Warning - Creepy lady bosses, Creepy male bosses, Skanks, Skanks, Skanks, Snakes

In which Larry forgets everything.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 7 May 2021 09:00:00 +0000

Poor Larry! Email your thoughts, comments, feminist (or anti-feminist) rants, recipe ideas, fanfiction, threats, and giftcards, to prematureadjudicationpodcast@gmail.com.

In which Liz and Memphis have a hazy understanding of Rule 11.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 09:00:00 +0000

Did you know you could secure a 25 million dollar settlement simply by shouting lies loudly into your phone? Follow us for more hot legal tips, delivered directly into your ear canals every Friday.

In which hashtag yes all women are bad at their jobs.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 23 Apr 2021 09:00:00 +0000

Is it possible for a woman in the pornverse to be competent at her job? Share this episode with 10 friends to vote "yes," and 20 friends to vote "no." Joining us in this episode are two (probably recurring) guests, Brett Kavanaugh and his only friend, the Fuckceratops.

In which MacKayla gets "acquired."

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Fri, 16 Apr 2021 09:00:00 +0000

Content Warning: Crying Secretaries, Skanky Bosses, Unbridled Hatred For The Bar Exam.

In which all the sex technically happens off screen.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Memphis) — Fri, 9 Apr 2021 09:00:00 +0000

Content Warning: Missionary. Unlubed Shower Sex. An Orgasm Contest. We TOLD you we were back. Find us on Spotify, Google Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, and everywhere!

In which Liz and Memphis return from hiatus to read about fingerbanging

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz, Memphis) — Mon, 5 Apr 2021 05:23:29 +0000

In which Liz has entirely too much fun moaning.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Memphis, Liz Fairchild) — Tue, 15 Dec 2020 01:44:13 +0000

Made Up Bars, Bad Foreplay and Even Worse Liquor. Why are we doing this again? Find us on Spotify, Google Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, and everywhere! Apologies for some weird audio glitches in this episode. Liz's computer exploded and the file went a bit noodly.

Book 1 - In which two law students begin to read smut.

lizandmemphis@gmail.com (Liz & Memphis) — Sun, 14 Jun 2020 20:10:42 +0000

The Love Lawyers

In which . . . just . . . why is Clippy so erotic? And why are we aroused?

In which we return from Covid to anger the lord and read...strange pr0n.

In which the palette cleanser book starts off weird as shit.

In which DEAR GOD HOW DOES IT KEEP GETTING WORSE?

In which boy-bonding happens and the bitchwife emerges.

In which nipples are slipped and someone says "I love you."

In which working women learn to get on their knees when their boss is angry.

In which MaKayla flashes her *thing* at Matt.

In which bacon grease and naked bodies don't mix.

In which his rooster seduces my body, but his words seduce my heart.

In which we are all okay with sexual misconduct now!

In which absolutely, positively no sex happens whatsoever.

(Legal) Affairs of the Heart

In which protofeathers are ruffled, dongs drag the ground, and the Fuckceratops makes a return.

In which a victorian twink writes horny poetry for thicc dinosaurs.

In which a little lord lusts for large lizard legs.

In which dinosaurs have armless sex and two lawyers despair.

In which we return from a brief hiatus to some proper dino-rotica.

In which sexy dino summer begins.

In which Mckayla's face gets covered in something hot, wet, and sticky.

In which Matt drunk texts and Mac swoons in a sea of red flags.

In which oh my god these are crimes - run, girl, run!

In which McKayla is taught the value of hard work.

In which our heroine finally does her damn job.

In which Matt puts his dick away.

In which romantic partners should stop talking with their mouth full.

In which good dick is the cure for all trauma.

In which... wait what do you mean he has a kid?

In which we do do do the Butt Stuff.

In which two women try to have a conversation that isn't about men

In which our heroine awakes to feeeeeeeelings.

In which we finally witness the worst sex.

In which literally every single other woman must be ELIMINATED.

In which Lorraine leaves and McKayla lusts.

In which there are serious concequences for inappropriate actions.

In which diplomas are smashed and everyone is the worst at their job.

In which McKayla returns in a slinky dress and finds self-respect.

In which interns are sexed and a new variant is unleashed..

In which a new Covid strain is discovered after a lustful liaison in a lavatory.

COVID Chronicles, Book 3: In which everyone is a pansexual nightmare and it's amazing.

In which the pandemic is cured by gay sex

In which tits bounce in anger and meats are marinated.

COVID Chronicles, Book 2: In which unspeakable things are done with a hotdog.

In which coronavirus is a chonky boy with a concerning crotch.

In which the she murdered him with science!

In which a sexy lady scientist lusts after the Coronavirus.

SEASON FINALE: In which the sexy sax music ceases.

In which MacKayla has grounds to sue Matt for sexual harassment.

In which McKayla commits ACTUAL MALPRACTICE because opposing counsel is hot.

In which backdoors open, showers break, and pancakes lead the way to tears

In Which Shower Sexcapades are Suprisingly Dissappointing

In Which MacKayla Repeatedly Fakes Explosive Diarrhea

In Which We Witness the Pinnacle of All Oral Sex

In Which Sexy Sax Music Cures All Wrongs

In which MacKayla's magnificent mammaries manifest a melee.

Back to Book 1 - In which Liz and Memphis return to MacKayla still pining over Matt.

Book 2, Chapter 7: In which a Lawyer finally becomes a Nanny

Book 2, Chapter 6: In which Memphis has flashbacks to her own nannying job.

Book 2, Chapter 5: In which Gwen lives like a grad student for two minutes and loses her mind.

Book 2, Chapter 4: In which EMILY MUST DIE.

Book 2, Chapter 3: In which Gwen puts fashion before eveything else.

Book 2, Chapter 2: In which Gwen takes the stupidest case ever.

Book 2, Chapter 1: In Which Liz and Memphis Start a New Book ... From Lawyer to Nanny

Season Finale - In which Matt leaves and McKayla mopes.

In which binders fly in the heat of passion.

In which McKayla is in DANGER.

In which literally everyone is a skank.

In which Larry forgets everything.

In which Liz and Memphis have a hazy understanding of Rule 11.

In which hashtag yes all women are bad at their jobs.

In which MacKayla gets "acquired."

In which all the sex technically happens off screen.

In which Liz and Memphis return from hiatus to read about fingerbanging

In which Liz has entirely too much fun moaning.

Book 1 - In which two law students begin to read smut.

In which MaKayla flashes her thing at Matt.