https://simplecast.com Breaking the Boy Code A podcast on the inner lives of boys. 2018-2024 Jonathon Reed en Thu, 12 Mar 2026 10:00:00 +0000 Thu, 12 Mar 2026 10:00:16 +0000 http://breakingtheboycode.com Breaking the Boy Code https://image.simplecastcdn.com/images/ae8c3f84-6918-4531-859c-169fd3586644/2e50c293-1574-4b5c-9601-a77c3d5906c2/3000x3000/avatars-000340029029-u67vmv-original.jpg?aid=rss_feed http://breakingtheboycode.com episodic A podcast on the inner lives of boys. A podcast on the inner lives of boys. Supported by Next Gen Men false https://feeds.simplecast.com/Tlz1HI9g boyhood, men, boys, education, toxic masculinity, manhood, masculinity, feminism, parenting Breaking the Boy Code Podcast breakingtheboycode@gmail.com 00d7714f-361d-4727-86f8-b18d47014ec8 The World Is Falling Apart, By the Way Here’s Math This episode picks up where we left off with the Man Box—this time asking where all these stereotypes actually come from, whether any of them are accurate, and what it would look like if we didn’t have them at all. Lucas and Kashyap reflect on what they genuinely like about themselves that fits inside the box and what they value that falls outside it, from Kashyap’s non-mainstream music taste to Lucas’s refusal to spend three hundred dollars on shoes he can’t get dirty.

The conversation takes some unexpected turns—into the stereotype that white teenage boys are expected to be douchebags, the experience of being underestimated academically by girls in class, Italian brainrot, why parents should play Minecraft, and a pointed exchange about The Anxious Generation and whether adults are paying attention to what’s actually stressing young people out. The episode closes with advice for any younger listeners navigating the Man Box: find a group of friends who are authentic, and don’t be afraid to ask ‘why?’ until the stereotypes stop making sense.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Thu, 12 Mar 2026 10:00:00 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Jonathon Reed, Lucas, Kashyap) http://breakingtheboycode.com This episode picks up where we left off with the Man Box—this time asking where all these stereotypes actually come from, whether any of them are accurate, and what it would look like if we didn’t have them at all. Lucas and Kashyap reflect on what they genuinely like about themselves that fits inside the box and what they value that falls outside it, from Kashyap’s non-mainstream music taste to Lucas’s refusal to spend three hundred dollars on shoes he can’t get dirty.

The conversation takes some unexpected turns—into the stereotype that white teenage boys are expected to be douchebags, the experience of being underestimated academically by girls in class, Italian brainrot, why parents should play Minecraft, and a pointed exchange about The Anxious Generation and whether adults are paying attention to what’s actually stressing young people out. The episode closes with advice for any younger listeners navigating the Man Box: find a group of friends who are authentic, and don’t be afraid to ask ‘why?’ until the stereotypes stop making sense.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> The World Is Falling Apart, By the Way Here’s Math Jonathon Reed, Lucas, Kashyap 00:42:27 In part two of the Man Box, Lucas and Kashyap explore where masculine stereotypes come from, what they'd keep or challenge about themselves, and what a world without the Man Box might actually look like. The episode closes with advice for younger listeners: find authentic connection and maintain defiance. In part two of the Man Box, Lucas and Kashyap explore where masculine stereotypes come from, what they'd keep or challenge about themselves, and what a world without the Man Box might actually look like. The episode closes with advice for younger listeners: find authentic connection and maintain defiance. masculinity, boys, boyhood false full 2 5 7ec305c9-aa4f-4a49-8259-fe3a6f43a2ca Lucas and Kashyap Discuss the Man Box This episode started with a very specific backstory: a student symposium in northern Alberta wanted a session on gender stereotypes with boys, and not a single teacher volunteered to facilitate it. So we recorded one instead—an accessible version of the Man Box activity that any educator listening could see themselves leading.

Lucas and Kashyap take on the brainstorm as a competition, rattling off stereotypes about how guys are supposed to look, spend their time, express emotion, compete, and navigate dating and relationships. Along the way, the conversation takes its own turns—into looksmaxxing and skincare, the pressure on guys to make the first move, the nuance between being gay and acting gay, and whether it matters that no one ever sat us down and taught us the rules of manhood. The episode closes with Lucas reflecting on the nerves and surprises of his first job, and a shared observation about how adults show up—or don’t—for young people’s entrepreneurial spirit.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Thu, 5 Mar 2026 11:00:00 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Jonathon Reed, Lucas, Kashyap) http://breakingtheboycode.com This episode started with a very specific backstory: a student symposium in northern Alberta wanted a session on gender stereotypes with boys, and not a single teacher volunteered to facilitate it. So we recorded one instead—an accessible version of the Man Box activity that any educator listening could see themselves leading.

Lucas and Kashyap take on the brainstorm as a competition, rattling off stereotypes about how guys are supposed to look, spend their time, express emotion, compete, and navigate dating and relationships. Along the way, the conversation takes its own turns—into looksmaxxing and skincare, the pressure on guys to make the first move, the nuance between being gay and acting gay, and whether it matters that no one ever sat us down and taught us the rules of manhood. The episode closes with Lucas reflecting on the nerves and surprises of his first job, and a shared observation about how adults show up—or don’t—for young people’s entrepreneurial spirit.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Lucas and Kashyap Discuss the Man Box Jonathon Reed, Lucas, Kashyap 01:01:42 Lucas and Kashyap take on the Man Box activity as a competition, brainstorming stereotypes about how guys are supposed to look, feel, compete, and date. The conversation spills into first dates, first jobs, and why you shouldn't lie to kids selling cookies on the street corner. Lucas and Kashyap take on the Man Box activity as a competition, brainstorming stereotypes about how guys are supposed to look, feel, compete, and date. The conversation spills into first dates, first jobs, and why you shouldn't lie to kids selling cookies on the street corner. masculinity, boys, boyhood false full 1 5 8db0330b-b346-4e9d-bf82-79b0769fb1fa The Best and Worst Thing About Being a Boy Season five of Breaking the Boy Code introduces two youth co-hosts—Lucas, in grade nine, and Kashyap, in grade eight—who join me as permanent co-hosts to explore masculinity, relationships, and what it means to grow up as a boy today through their own lived experiences.

In this introduction episode, we get to know each other using Next Gen Men’s Cards for Masculinity discussion prompts. From gratitude and friendship to stress and persistence, the conversation moves naturally between the everyday realities of adolescence and bigger questions about being called gay as an insult, the best and worst things about being a boy, and learning how to talk about your mental health when no one’s shown you how.

This project has been supported by Women and Gender Equality Canada.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Thu, 26 Feb 2026 19:26:20 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Jonathon Reed, Lucas, Kashyap) http://breakingtheboycode.com Season five of Breaking the Boy Code introduces two youth co-hosts—Lucas, in grade nine, and Kashyap, in grade eight—who join me as permanent co-hosts to explore masculinity, relationships, and what it means to grow up as a boy today through their own lived experiences.

In this introduction episode, we get to know each other using Next Gen Men’s Cards for Masculinity discussion prompts. From gratitude and friendship to stress and persistence, the conversation moves naturally between the everyday realities of adolescence and bigger questions about being called gay as an insult, the best and worst things about being a boy, and learning how to talk about your mental health when no one’s shown you how.

This project has been supported by Women and Gender Equality Canada.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> The Best and Worst Thing About Being a Boy Jonathon Reed, Lucas, Kashyap 00:19:50 Meet Lucas and Kashyap, the two youth co-hosts joining season five of Breaking the Boy Code. In this introduction episode, we get to know each other through Next Gen Men's Cards for Masculinity and start exploring what it means to grow up as a boy today. Meet Lucas and Kashyap, the two youth co-hosts joining season five of Breaking the Boy Code. In this introduction episode, we get to know each other through Next Gen Men's Cards for Masculinity and start exploring what it means to grow up as a boy today. masculinity, boys, boyhood false full 0 5 5a34a514-7b83-4038-998a-1cf6bda34e40 Boys of Colour Do a Poetry Slam “We carry guilt and regret on the calm blue waters. We carry the carnage of our home. We carry the dreams of our ancestors on our young backs.” — 14-year-old Yoel

I heard back in one of our first recording sessions that the boys who participated in season four of Breaking the Boy Code had written spoken word poems as part of a school assignment—poems where they reflected on their identities and experiences with racism and expectation and past, present, future. There was a lot of pride in their voices, so I said we’d come back the next week and record their poems so that the world could hear them speak from the heart.

First you’ll hear from Betsaleel, then Siddig, then Yoel and lastly Aksayan.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Wed, 5 Feb 2025 12:00:00 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Jonathon Reed, Betsaleel, Siddig, Yoel, Aksayan) http://breakingtheboycode.com “We carry guilt and regret on the calm blue waters. We carry the carnage of our home. We carry the dreams of our ancestors on our young backs.” — 14-year-old Yoel

I heard back in one of our first recording sessions that the boys who participated in season four of Breaking the Boy Code had written spoken word poems as part of a school assignment—poems where they reflected on their identities and experiences with racism and expectation and past, present, future. There was a lot of pride in their voices, so I said we’d come back the next week and record their poems so that the world could hear them speak from the heart.

First you’ll hear from Betsaleel, then Siddig, then Yoel and lastly Aksayan.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Boys of Colour Do a Poetry Slam Jonathon Reed, Betsaleel, Siddig, Yoel, Aksayan 00:06:52 This is what it sounds like when a group of middle school boys are given the opportunity to truly express themselves. This is what it sounds like when a group of middle school boys are given the opportunity to truly express themselves. race, masculinity, boys, boyhood false bonus 4 a3430a6e-4788-4eef-9165-24a94c991fbf The Strengths of Black and South Asian Boys You have to imagine us in the school library one last time—wearing masks and sitting six feet apart, having persevered through multiple delays from school closures and the unpredictability of the pandemic—the boys giving their hearts and speaking their truth, joking with each other, learning from each other, and volunteering to imprint part of their adolescence online in a podcast.

As we wrap up season four of Breaking the Boy Code, Betsa, Siddig, Aksayan and Yoel finish their adapted Skills Assessment worksheets from The Umbrella Project and examine what they’ve learned about themselves and each other. They explore their kindergarten memories, how they manage emotions like anger and sadness, and the impact of self-efficacy and masculinity on their lives.

From heartwarming tributes to practical mindfulness tips, this conversation covers the joys, challenges, and cultural significance unique to their individual identities.

And as we sit alongside them, Adrian and I once again witness the enduring resilience of young Black and South Asian boys.

SOURCES

The Umbrella Project, Prepare Your Students for the Rain Of Life →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Wed, 18 Dec 2024 12:00:00 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Adrian Leckie, Betsaleel, Siddig, Aksayan, Yoel, Jonathon Reed) http://breakingtheboycode.com You have to imagine us in the school library one last time—wearing masks and sitting six feet apart, having persevered through multiple delays from school closures and the unpredictability of the pandemic—the boys giving their hearts and speaking their truth, joking with each other, learning from each other, and volunteering to imprint part of their adolescence online in a podcast.

As we wrap up season four of Breaking the Boy Code, Betsa, Siddig, Aksayan and Yoel finish their adapted Skills Assessment worksheets from The Umbrella Project and examine what they’ve learned about themselves and each other. They explore their kindergarten memories, how they manage emotions like anger and sadness, and the impact of self-efficacy and masculinity on their lives.

From heartwarming tributes to practical mindfulness tips, this conversation covers the joys, challenges, and cultural significance unique to their individual identities.

And as we sit alongside them, Adrian and I once again witness the enduring resilience of young Black and South Asian boys.

SOURCES

The Umbrella Project, Prepare Your Students for the Rain Of Life →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> The Strengths of Black and South Asian Boys Adrian Leckie, Betsaleel, Siddig, Aksayan, Yoel, Jonathon Reed 00:39:13 In our final session at a local middle school, our group of middle schoolers discuss the strengths they see in themselves and share gratitude for the time we spent together. In our final session at a local middle school, our group of middle schoolers discuss the strengths they see in themselves and share gratitude for the time we spent together. race, masculinity, boys, boyhood false full 7 4 94bcd330-8369-4e8a-a1ae-aff837ba917b The Ways Boys Experience Cultural Community Before this session, my friend and past colleague Adrian and I played around with the Skills Assessment tool developed by The Umbrella Project—ultimately adding two categories called ‘resistance’ and ‘culture’ to discuss with our group of seventh- and eighth-grade boys of colour.

In this episode, we unpack some of the complexities boys face in cultural communities and staying authentic. Siddig stresses the importance of self-compassion and being true to oneself, and Adrian shares candid thoughts on the difficulties of expressing emotions and the vital role of support systems.

We explore the significance of community in overcoming daily challenges and systemic barriers, debate kindness versus respect, and discuss adopting a growth mindset for personal development.

SOURCES

The Umbrella Project, Prepare Your Students for the Rain Of Life →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Wed, 4 Dec 2024 12:00:00 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Adrian Leckie, Betsaleel, Siddig, Aksayan, Yoel, Jonathon Reed) http://breakingtheboycode.com Before this session, my friend and past colleague Adrian and I played around with the Skills Assessment tool developed by The Umbrella Project—ultimately adding two categories called ‘resistance’ and ‘culture’ to discuss with our group of seventh- and eighth-grade boys of colour.

In this episode, we unpack some of the complexities boys face in cultural communities and staying authentic. Siddig stresses the importance of self-compassion and being true to oneself, and Adrian shares candid thoughts on the difficulties of expressing emotions and the vital role of support systems.

We explore the significance of community in overcoming daily challenges and systemic barriers, debate kindness versus respect, and discuss adopting a growth mindset for personal development.

SOURCES

The Umbrella Project, Prepare Your Students for the Rain Of Life →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> The Ways Boys Experience Cultural Community Adrian Leckie, Betsaleel, Siddig, Aksayan, Yoel, Jonathon Reed 00:41:21 Seventh- and eighth-graders Betsa, Siddig, Aksayan and Yoel engage in a meaningful reflection about their identities and relationships, and the skills they’ve built for mental well-being in the face of both subtle and overt racism. Seventh- and eighth-graders Betsa, Siddig, Aksayan and Yoel engage in a meaningful reflection about their identities and relationships, and the skills they’ve built for mental well-being in the face of both subtle and overt racism. race, masculinity, boys, boyhood false full 6 4 00999e4a-b2da-4132-b3ba-180d16a72d17 The Reason We Keep Talking About Miles Morales This week on Breaking the Boy Code, we continue our discussion on the power of representation in the media and on screen. Betsa, Siddig, Aksayan and Yoel explore the impact of seeing themselves in characters like Miles Morales, Naruto, and Will Smith's iconic Fresh Prince. From the startlingly low percentage of BIPOC characters in children’s books to the increase in lead roles of color in films, it’s evident that while progress is being made, there’s still a long way to go.

The takeaway? Representation matters. It fuels dreams, builds confidence, and shows young people the heights they can achieve.

SOURCES

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, What’s Up Danger →

The Opportunity Agenda, Media Portrayals and Black Male Outcomes →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Wed, 20 Nov 2024 12:00:00 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Adrian Leckie, Betsaleel, Siddig, Aksayan, Yoel, Jonathon Reed) http://breakingtheboycode.com This week on Breaking the Boy Code, we continue our discussion on the power of representation in the media and on screen. Betsa, Siddig, Aksayan and Yoel explore the impact of seeing themselves in characters like Miles Morales, Naruto, and Will Smith's iconic Fresh Prince. From the startlingly low percentage of BIPOC characters in children’s books to the increase in lead roles of color in films, it’s evident that while progress is being made, there’s still a long way to go.

The takeaway? Representation matters. It fuels dreams, builds confidence, and shows young people the heights they can achieve.

SOURCES

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, What’s Up Danger →

The Opportunity Agenda, Media Portrayals and Black Male Outcomes →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> The Reason We Keep Talking About Miles Morales Adrian Leckie, Betsaleel, Siddig, Aksayan, Yoel, Jonathon Reed 00:36:34 Our group of boys can’t get enough of Miles Morales, a fictional 13-year-old boy of African American and Puerto Rican ancestry who went mainstream as Spider-Man in 2018. Our group of boys can’t get enough of Miles Morales, a fictional 13-year-old boy of African American and Puerto Rican ancestry who went mainstream as Spider-Man in 2018. race, masculinity, boys, boyhood false full 5 4 c3342286-bc93-498b-bc7a-e83dfd25e5ea The Importance of BIPOC Representation for Boys Whether it’s TikTok or Fortnite or the MCU, you can’t talk with preteen boys without talking about media. This week with Betsa, Siddig, Aksayan and Yoel, we discuss the damaging stereotypes in media, the need for more authentic stories, and the powerful impact of seeing oneself reflected on screen and in the media.

The boys share firsthand accounts of how these representations affect their lives and their desires for the future. We also touch on some heartfelt personal stories, illuminating why visibility and accurate portrayal in the media are more important than ever.

SOURCES

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, What’s Up Danger →

The Opportunity Agenda, Media Portrayals and Black Male Outcomes →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Wed, 6 Nov 2024 12:00:00 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Adrian Leckie, Betsaleel, Siddig, Aksayan, Yoel, Jonathon Reed) http://breakingtheboycode.com Whether it’s TikTok or Fortnite or the MCU, you can’t talk with preteen boys without talking about media. This week with Betsa, Siddig, Aksayan and Yoel, we discuss the damaging stereotypes in media, the need for more authentic stories, and the powerful impact of seeing oneself reflected on screen and in the media.

The boys share firsthand accounts of how these representations affect their lives and their desires for the future. We also touch on some heartfelt personal stories, illuminating why visibility and accurate portrayal in the media are more important than ever.

SOURCES

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, What’s Up Danger →

The Opportunity Agenda, Media Portrayals and Black Male Outcomes →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> The Importance of BIPOC Representation for Boys Adrian Leckie, Betsaleel, Siddig, Aksayan, Yoel, Jonathon Reed 00:38:42 What do Kobe Bryant, Colin Kaepernick, Miles Morales and O’Shea Jackson have in common? They’re examples of media representation that were most resonant with our group of seventh- and eighth-grade boys of colour. What do Kobe Bryant, Colin Kaepernick, Miles Morales and O’Shea Jackson have in common? They’re examples of media representation that were most resonant with our group of seventh- and eighth-grade boys of colour. race, masculinity, boys, boyhood false full 4 4 045b3589-56d8-4afd-9b0b-d50bb5488015 The Labels on Boys’ Masks With that in mind, we discuss the dynamics of trust within family and friendships, the impact of racial stereotypes, and the emotional masks boys wear to navigate societal expectations. Through exercises and reflections, we unpack what it means to choose what to show the world and what to keep hidden.

From Betsa’s struggle with being misjudged at school to Siddiq’s battle with exclusion and stereotypes, their stories shed light on the resilience required to stay true to oneself despite societal pressures.

SOURCES

Ashanti Branch, The Masks We All Wear →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Wed, 23 Oct 2024 11:00:00 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Betsaleel, Siddig, Jonathon Reed) http://breakingtheboycode.com With that in mind, we discuss the dynamics of trust within family and friendships, the impact of racial stereotypes, and the emotional masks boys wear to navigate societal expectations. Through exercises and reflections, we unpack what it means to choose what to show the world and what to keep hidden.

From Betsa’s struggle with being misjudged at school to Siddiq’s battle with exclusion and stereotypes, their stories shed light on the resilience required to stay true to oneself despite societal pressures.

SOURCES

Ashanti Branch, The Masks We All Wear →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> The Labels on Boys’ Masks Betsaleel, Siddig, Jonathon Reed 00:48:34 We often talk with boys about wearing ‘masks’ that hide our vulnerability or authenticity from the people around us. Yet the reality for boys of colour is that they often don’t get to choose the labels that get put onto them by others. We often talk with boys about wearing ‘masks’ that hide our vulnerability or authenticity from the people around us. Yet the reality for boys of colour is that they often don’t get to choose the labels that get put onto them by others. race, masculinity, boys, boyhood false full 3 4 7e3b869a-2476-4869-9631-aa148535b743 The Intersection of Boyhood and Race This week on Breaking the Boy Code, we explore the intersection of boyhood and race. Seventh- and eighth-graders, Yoel, Betsa, Aksayan, Kamari and Siddig, share heartfelt stories of navigating cultural identity, racial stereotypes, and societal expectations for boys.

We candidly discuss tough topics, including being watched and judged, while also celebrating the rich heritage and customs that shape who these young men are. The episode wraps up with empowering messages on staying curious, proving doubters wrong, and a call to action for positive masculinity. Join us on this inspiring journey to understand and embrace our diverse identities.

SOURCES

Sentell Harper, Alternative Names for Black Boys →

Christina Caron, Why Are More Black Kids Suicidal? A Search for Answers. →

Carl James, We Rise Together →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Wed, 9 Oct 2024 11:00:00 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Adrian Leckie, Betsaleel, Siddig, Aksayan, Yoel, Kamari, Jonathon Reed) http://breakingtheboycode.com This week on Breaking the Boy Code, we explore the intersection of boyhood and race. Seventh- and eighth-graders, Yoel, Betsa, Aksayan, Kamari and Siddig, share heartfelt stories of navigating cultural identity, racial stereotypes, and societal expectations for boys.

We candidly discuss tough topics, including being watched and judged, while also celebrating the rich heritage and customs that shape who these young men are. The episode wraps up with empowering messages on staying curious, proving doubters wrong, and a call to action for positive masculinity. Join us on this inspiring journey to understand and embrace our diverse identities.

SOURCES

Sentell Harper, Alternative Names for Black Boys →

Christina Caron, Why Are More Black Kids Suicidal? A Search for Answers. →

Carl James, We Rise Together →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> The Intersection of Boyhood and Race Adrian Leckie, Betsaleel, Siddig, Aksayan, Yoel, Kamari, Jonathon Reed 00:40:26 Our group of seventh- and eighth-grade students explore the realities of boyhood and race in a heartfelt discussion about cultural identity, racial stereotypes, and societal expectations for boys. Our group of seventh- and eighth-grade students explore the realities of boyhood and race in a heartfelt discussion about cultural identity, racial stereotypes, and societal expectations for boys. race, masculinity, boys, boyhood false full 2 4 b9709330-2170-4a97-a9b6-093be1d130ed The Bro Code Versus the Boy Code Season four of Breaking the Boy Code is a collaborative project with a group of five students at a nearby middle school. Together with my friend and past colleague Adrian, we engage the boys—seventh-graders Betsa and Siddig, who identify as Congolese and Sudanese; and eighth-graders Aksayan, Yoel and Kamari, who are Sri Lankan, Eritrean, and Jamaican part Indigenous—in a series of discussions on the intersection of masculinity and race.

This week, the boys talk about gender norms and how they impact boys who look like them. They unpack the difference between the ‘boy code’ and the ‘bro code’ and what they mean for boys’ friendships—highlighting both the positive aspects, such as bringing friends closer and providing emotional support, and the negative aspects, like ego issues or not having each other's backs in tough situations.

From restrictions on clothing choices to societal norms limiting emotional expression, the boys share personal stories and start exploring what it feels like to challenge these stereotypes.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Wed, 25 Sep 2024 11:00:00 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Adrian Leckie, Betsaleel, Siddig, Aksayan, Yoel, Kamari, Jonathon Reed) http://breakingtheboycode.com Season four of Breaking the Boy Code is a collaborative project with a group of five students at a nearby middle school. Together with my friend and past colleague Adrian, we engage the boys—seventh-graders Betsa and Siddig, who identify as Congolese and Sudanese; and eighth-graders Aksayan, Yoel and Kamari, who are Sri Lankan, Eritrean, and Jamaican part Indigenous—in a series of discussions on the intersection of masculinity and race.

This week, the boys talk about gender norms and how they impact boys who look like them. They unpack the difference between the ‘boy code’ and the ‘bro code’ and what they mean for boys’ friendships—highlighting both the positive aspects, such as bringing friends closer and providing emotional support, and the negative aspects, like ego issues or not having each other's backs in tough situations.

From restrictions on clothing choices to societal norms limiting emotional expression, the boys share personal stories and start exploring what it feels like to challenge these stereotypes.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> The Bro Code Versus the Boy Code Adrian Leckie, Betsaleel, Siddig, Aksayan, Yoel, Kamari, Jonathon Reed 00:45:58 Seventh- and eighth-graders Betsa, Siddig, Aksayan, Yoel, and Kamari dive into a compelling discussion about the intricacies of boyhood, friendship and societal expectations. Seventh- and eighth-graders Betsa, Siddig, Aksayan, Yoel, and Kamari dive into a compelling discussion about the intricacies of boyhood, friendship and societal expectations. race, masculinity, boys, boyhood false full 1 4 4a94be81-c0d1-418b-8c9e-a72d337b309f A Young Man to Be Proud Of In the midst of everything that was going on, Louis ended up switching to a new school. That meant leaving behind his friendships, but it also offered an opportunity to set aside who had been in the past and try out a version of himself closer to the kind of young man he wanted to become. 

This is friendship, violence, shame and vulnerability—but more than anything else, Louis’ story is a story of transformation.

At a new school and among a new group of peers, Louis noticed a boy in his class who was being targeted and harassed for not fitting in. He risked his social status with his peers—and went behind the teacher’s back—to be the ally that his classmate desperately needed.

He still gets called a fag sometimes. 

But in the journey of discovering true friendship, aligning with his values and standing up for others, he developed social skills, toughness and an unparalleled clarity of purpose. 

This is the kind of young man our world needs. His story is the roadmap to get there.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Thu, 7 Apr 2022 17:27:18 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Jonathon Reed, Louis) http://breakingtheboycode.com In the midst of everything that was going on, Louis ended up switching to a new school. That meant leaving behind his friendships, but it also offered an opportunity to set aside who had been in the past and try out a version of himself closer to the kind of young man he wanted to become. 

This is friendship, violence, shame and vulnerability—but more than anything else, Louis’ story is a story of transformation.

At a new school and among a new group of peers, Louis noticed a boy in his class who was being targeted and harassed for not fitting in. He risked his social status with his peers—and went behind the teacher’s back—to be the ally that his classmate desperately needed.

He still gets called a fag sometimes. 

But in the journey of discovering true friendship, aligning with his values and standing up for others, he developed social skills, toughness and an unparalleled clarity of purpose. 

This is the kind of young man our world needs. His story is the roadmap to get there.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> A Young Man to Be Proud Of Jonathon Reed, Louis 00:36:53 Louis shares how he took action on his newfound values of compassion and nonviolence by standing up for a vulnerable peer, and reflects on how this connects to positive masculinity, social power, and growing up as a young man. Louis shares how he took action on his newfound values of compassion and nonviolence by standing up for a vulnerable peer, and reflects on how this connects to positive masculinity, social power, and growing up as a young man. mentorship, mental health, education, boy, bullying, bullying prevention, masculinity, boys, gender-based violence, parenting, violence, boyhood false full 4 3 4c81eee8-42e8-424f-86b2-e44390573978 Uncertain Feelings As his friends got out on probation and their victim started to recover, Louis was left to wrestle with immense and challenging feelings about what was going on. He felt guilty that he had hurt someone who didn’t deserve it. He was afraid of losing a group of friends that had meant a lot to him. He felt helpless to stop them from perpetrating further violence.

He wanted to be better but he didn’t know how.

As he started seeking forgiveness and building a relationship with Matthew, he had to go through the challenge of forging a new friendship, and he had to figure out if it was still possible to hang out with guys whom he no longer trusted. Perhaps most importantly, he had to face himself. 

Listen to Louis unpack those feelings with me, and share from the heart about his uncertain experience of not being defined by his past, and instead being committed to his future.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Tue, 1 Mar 2022 20:10:27 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Jonathon Reed, Louis) http://breakingtheboycode.com As his friends got out on probation and their victim started to recover, Louis was left to wrestle with immense and challenging feelings about what was going on. He felt guilty that he had hurt someone who didn’t deserve it. He was afraid of losing a group of friends that had meant a lot to him. He felt helpless to stop them from perpetrating further violence.

He wanted to be better but he didn’t know how.

As he started seeking forgiveness and building a relationship with Matthew, he had to go through the challenge of forging a new friendship, and he had to figure out if it was still possible to hang out with guys whom he no longer trusted. Perhaps most importantly, he had to face himself. 

Listen to Louis unpack those feelings with me, and share from the heart about his uncertain experience of not being defined by his past, and instead being committed to his future.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Uncertain Feelings Jonathon Reed, Louis 00:29:54 Louis describes going through the whirling feelings of being stuck in violence—the heavy influence of helplessness and fear, the underpinnings of compassion within his guilt, and above all, his determination to change. Louis describes going through the whirling feelings of being stuck in violence—the heavy influence of helplessness and fear, the underpinnings of compassion within his guilt, and above all, his determination to change. education, fighting, boy, bullying, growing up, mentoring, masculinity, boys, gender-based violence, parenting, adolescence, violence, young men, boyhood true full 3 3 c83057f2-b814-4d6f-b6d9-880808a2c811 Four Broken Ribs As Louis spent more time with his new group of friends, he started going along with them as they verbally harassed another classmate, Matthew. He figured it was no big deal, but things started to escalate when Matthew decided to tell their teacher what was going on. Louis’ friend group didn’t like getting snitched on, so they got into a fight with Matthew after school.

Matthew told on them again. Louis and his friends decided there was hell to pay, and assaulted him so badly he went to the hospital with four broken ribs and had to be monitored for lung damage. This time, Matthew pressed charges.

Sit with Louis as he wrestles with the feelings that started weighing on him in the weeks that followed—the guilt and shame of hurting another person, the betrayal of getting laughed at by his friends when he told them to stop, and his growing determination to make a change.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Tue, 15 Feb 2022 14:00:00 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Jonathon Reed, Louis) http://breakingtheboycode.com As Louis spent more time with his new group of friends, he started going along with them as they verbally harassed another classmate, Matthew. He figured it was no big deal, but things started to escalate when Matthew decided to tell their teacher what was going on. Louis’ friend group didn’t like getting snitched on, so they got into a fight with Matthew after school.

Matthew told on them again. Louis and his friends decided there was hell to pay, and assaulted him so badly he went to the hospital with four broken ribs and had to be monitored for lung damage. This time, Matthew pressed charges.

Sit with Louis as he wrestles with the feelings that started weighing on him in the weeks that followed—the guilt and shame of hurting another person, the betrayal of getting laughed at by his friends when he told them to stop, and his growing determination to make a change.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Four Broken Ribs Jonathon Reed, Louis 00:25:43 (Trigger warning: homophobia, physical assault) Louis comes close to tears as he explains how he and his friends ended up putting another young boy in the hospital, and landing themselves in court. (Trigger warning: homophobia, physical assault) Louis comes close to tears as he explains how he and his friends ended up putting another young boy in the hospital, and landing themselves in court. restorative justice, mental health, education, masculinity, boys, toxic masculinity, violence, feminism, boyhood, violence prevention true full 2 3 c550235c-2204-4f90-8314-9cb10d6c1736 New School, New Friends Louis’ first day at the new school was a grey day in December. He had to get forced out of the car, he got lost in the big, old and crowded building; and he hated the too-cheery holiday decorations. After a couple of days, he started bringing a paperback with him and pretended to read it at lunch in order to avoid the awkwardness of the unfamiliar place and new group of peers.

But during gym class on day, a boy named Jackson sat down beside him. Jackson struck up a conversation with him, and before Louis knew it, he had been invited over to hang out with Jackson’s friends after school. 

Listen to Louis revisit his feelings from that time, reminisce about after-school skateboard sessions and prank calls, and ultimately lay out how much this group of friends really meant to him.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Tue, 1 Feb 2022 20:26:44 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Louis, Jonathon Reed) http://breakingtheboycode.com Louis’ first day at the new school was a grey day in December. He had to get forced out of the car, he got lost in the big, old and crowded building; and he hated the too-cheery holiday decorations. After a couple of days, he started bringing a paperback with him and pretended to read it at lunch in order to avoid the awkwardness of the unfamiliar place and new group of peers.

But during gym class on day, a boy named Jackson sat down beside him. Jackson struck up a conversation with him, and before Louis knew it, he had been invited over to hang out with Jackson’s friends after school. 

Listen to Louis revisit his feelings from that time, reminisce about after-school skateboard sessions and prank calls, and ultimately lay out how much this group of friends really meant to him.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> New School, New Friends Louis, Jonathon Reed 00:19:29 Eleven-year-old Louis begins his story by describing what it was like to start at a new school, how he initially avoided connecting with any classmates but pretty quickly fell in with a group of friends who made him feel like things wouldn’t be so bad. Eleven-year-old Louis begins his story by describing what it was like to start at a new school, how he initially avoided connecting with any classmates but pretty quickly fell in with a group of friends who made him feel like things wouldn’t be so bad. mental health, education, bullying, anti-bullying, masculinity, boys, youth, school, violence, feminism, boyhood false full 1 3 8b372bac-4d16-4b6b-871c-f257b5e9d43b Louis’ Story I first met 11-year-old Louis because he was bullying another boy. Badly. To an extent that included going to the hospital and going to juvenile detention.

Over the span of 2021, Louis embarked on one of the bravest journeys I’ve seen a kid his age undertake. He built his empathy for the other boy, he faced his guilt for the hurt he had caused, he switched friend groups and committed to standing up for those who were vulnerable instead of targeting them.

So when he told me he wanted to be part of the podcast, I knew he had something to say.

Coming soon wherever you listen to podcasts.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Fri, 21 Jan 2022 20:19:14 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Jonathon Reed, Louis) http://breakingtheboycode.com I first met 11-year-old Louis because he was bullying another boy. Badly. To an extent that included going to the hospital and going to juvenile detention.

Over the span of 2021, Louis embarked on one of the bravest journeys I’ve seen a kid his age undertake. He built his empathy for the other boy, he faced his guilt for the hurt he had caused, he switched friend groups and committed to standing up for those who were vulnerable instead of targeting them.

So when he told me he wanted to be part of the podcast, I knew he had something to say.

Coming soon wherever you listen to podcasts.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Louis’ Story Jonathon Reed, Louis 00:02:05 (Trigger warning: suicide ideation) This is a story of friendship, belonging, violence and guilt. It’s a vulnerable unearthing of a young boy’s fears and joys, his deep shame of who he was in the past and a growing vision for who he will become. This is Louis’ story. (Trigger warning: suicide ideation) This is a story of friendship, belonging, violence and guilt. It’s a vulnerable unearthing of a young boy’s fears and joys, his deep shame of who he was in the past and a growing vision for who he will become. This is Louis’ story. education, bullying, anti-bullying, masculinity, boys, youth, violence, boyhood true trailer 3 a5e65310-09e7-484d-954c-3d8d865ae54d I Want to Make a Name for Myself: Boys and Competition One of my earliest memories with Joseph is hanging out with him at a park when he was around 10 years old. He spent most of his time climbing trees with his friends. Since then, climbing has become a steady passion for him—it’s his primary sport, his job, one of his favourite things to do and one of his biggest aspirations in life.

We’ve spent countless hours underneath bouldering walls and pull-up bars. I’ve worked out with him, listened to him blast Apashe, and watched him grow into a remarkable young athlete. I asked him to join for a podcast episode so we could capture this moment in his life.

Then I connected with an Olympic medalist named Jason Rogers. This is what we created.

FURTHER READING

Jason Rogers writes The Mandate Letter, a patient and meaningful exploration of the world of masculinity that features in-depth research and thought-provoking interviews on relevant topics. 

SOURCES

William Pollack, Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood →

Michael Thompson, Speaking of Boys: Answers to the Most-Asked Questions About Raising Boys →

David Cohen, No Boy Left Behind? →

Rachel Giese, Boys: What it Means to Become a Man →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Wed, 9 Jun 2021 15:57:33 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Jason Rogers, Jonathon Reed) http://breakingtheboycode.com One of my earliest memories with Joseph is hanging out with him at a park when he was around 10 years old. He spent most of his time climbing trees with his friends. Since then, climbing has become a steady passion for him—it’s his primary sport, his job, one of his favourite things to do and one of his biggest aspirations in life.

We’ve spent countless hours underneath bouldering walls and pull-up bars. I’ve worked out with him, listened to him blast Apashe, and watched him grow into a remarkable young athlete. I asked him to join for a podcast episode so we could capture this moment in his life.

Then I connected with an Olympic medalist named Jason Rogers. This is what we created.

FURTHER READING

Jason Rogers writes The Mandate Letter, a patient and meaningful exploration of the world of masculinity that features in-depth research and thought-provoking interviews on relevant topics. 

SOURCES

William Pollack, Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood →

Michael Thompson, Speaking of Boys: Answers to the Most-Asked Questions About Raising Boys →

David Cohen, No Boy Left Behind? →

Rachel Giese, Boys: What it Means to Become a Man →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> I Want to Make a Name for Myself: Boys and Competition Jason Rogers, Jonathon Reed 00:56:23 Fourteen-year-old Joseph shares his thoughts and experiences on training, competing and envisioning himself as a high-level athlete competing at a national level. Joined by Jason Rogers, Olympic medalist and writer on the evolving state of masculinity. Fourteen-year-old Joseph shares his thoughts and experiences on training, competing and envisioning himself as a high-level athlete competing at a national level. Joined by Jason Rogers, Olympic medalist and writer on the evolving state of masculinity. olympics, athletics, fencing, boy, teenager, manhood, masculinity, rock climbing, boys, adolescence, competition, sports, culture, boyhood false full 5 2 d4da3ac5-1d9a-4bf2-bb0b-0f3fa3b0234a I Can’t Focus: Boys and Online Learning I’ve known Jack for several years. We’ve been in touch throughout the pandemic, from the initial school closures and cancellation of his summer camp to the uncertainty of a new school year and ongoing boredom of life without the social closeness and sports teams that he expected to experience in high school.

Jack’s story of two-hour online classes and tentative new friends, frustration with masks and enjoyment on Minecraft isn’t representative of every young person this year, but his search for engaging learning experiences and meaningful connections with peers is an important snapshot of adolescence in the pandemic.

For those of us who know boys, we’ve got work to do.

Continue reading on Medium

FURTHER READING

Jon’s book My Bad: 24 Educators Who Messed Up, Fessed Up & Grew delves into the importance of vulnerability for educators, and how we can grow my acknowledging our mistakes for ourselves, our colleagues and our students. Michael and Richard Hawley’s research was published in a must-have resource for teachers that work with boys: Reaching Boys, Teaching Boys: Strategies That Work—and Why.

You can find out more about the online youth programming I’m doing with Next Gen Men, check out NGM Boys Club, and learn from us through our online course Raising Next Gen Men.

SOURCES

Michael Reichert and Richard Hawley, Reaching Boys, Teaching Boys: Strategies That Work—and Why →

Michael Reichert, How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men →

Carola Suárez-Orozco and Desirée Baolian Qin-Hilliard, Immigrant Boys’ Experiences in U.S. Schools →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Wed, 10 Mar 2021 22:09:31 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Jon Harper, Jonathon Reed) http://breakingtheboycode.com I’ve known Jack for several years. We’ve been in touch throughout the pandemic, from the initial school closures and cancellation of his summer camp to the uncertainty of a new school year and ongoing boredom of life without the social closeness and sports teams that he expected to experience in high school.

Jack’s story of two-hour online classes and tentative new friends, frustration with masks and enjoyment on Minecraft isn’t representative of every young person this year, but his search for engaging learning experiences and meaningful connections with peers is an important snapshot of adolescence in the pandemic.

For those of us who know boys, we’ve got work to do.

Continue reading on Medium

FURTHER READING

Jon’s book My Bad: 24 Educators Who Messed Up, Fessed Up & Grew delves into the importance of vulnerability for educators, and how we can grow my acknowledging our mistakes for ourselves, our colleagues and our students. Michael and Richard Hawley’s research was published in a must-have resource for teachers that work with boys: Reaching Boys, Teaching Boys: Strategies That Work—and Why.

You can find out more about the online youth programming I’m doing with Next Gen Men, check out NGM Boys Club, and learn from us through our online course Raising Next Gen Men.

SOURCES

Michael Reichert and Richard Hawley, Reaching Boys, Teaching Boys: Strategies That Work—and Why →

Michael Reichert, How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men →

Carola Suárez-Orozco and Desirée Baolian Qin-Hilliard, Immigrant Boys’ Experiences in U.S. Schools →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> I Can’t Focus: Boys and Online Learning Jon Harper, Jonathon Reed 00:52:29 Jack describes his experience with online learning, social distancing and starting high school in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic. Joined by Jon Harper, assistant principal, author and host of My Bad and Teacher’s Aid podcasts. Jack describes his experience with online learning, social distancing and starting high school in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic. Joined by Jon Harper, assistant principal, author and host of My Bad and Teacher’s Aid podcasts. friendship, high school, discord, education, pandemic, online learning, masculinity, boys, adolescence, minecraft, culture, boyhood, covid-19 false full 4 2 24bf83f1-30ca-4d87-8c9e-528a9285f3a1 Things to Say Before Dawn I often talk about suicide like it’s a statistic—the fact that it was the leading cause of death for teenage boys in Canada in 2018, for example; that rates of suicide attempts among trans youth are as high as 78%; that 70% of mental heatlh problems begin in childhood or adolescence.  

Suicide is more than numbers. It’s a difficult and ongoing thing that I face in my conversations with young people, and it’s personal. I wanted to write something for World Suicide Prevention Day, but it was hard. 

This whole thing is hard.

In the end, that’s what made me decide to record this. It’s messy. It has broken edges and a slam poem that I wrote in a single night five years ago. But it’s my effort at saying something worth saying.

If you are in crisis, Kids Help Phone is accessible and anonymous 24/7 at 1-800-668-6868, text CONNECT to 686868 or live chat at kidshelpphone.ca. 911 for emergencies.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Fri, 11 Sep 2020 02:21:09 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Jonathon Reed) http://breakingtheboycode.com I often talk about suicide like it’s a statistic—the fact that it was the leading cause of death for teenage boys in Canada in 2018, for example; that rates of suicide attempts among trans youth are as high as 78%; that 70% of mental heatlh problems begin in childhood or adolescence.  

Suicide is more than numbers. It’s a difficult and ongoing thing that I face in my conversations with young people, and it’s personal. I wanted to write something for World Suicide Prevention Day, but it was hard. 

This whole thing is hard.

In the end, that’s what made me decide to record this. It’s messy. It has broken edges and a slam poem that I wrote in a single night five years ago. But it’s my effort at saying something worth saying.

If you are in crisis, Kids Help Phone is accessible and anonymous 24/7 at 1-800-668-6868, text CONNECT to 686868 or live chat at kidshelpphone.ca. 911 for emergencies.

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Things to Say Before Dawn Jonathon Reed 00:08:24 A message for youth as part of World Suicide Prevention Day. You are not alone. You are loved. A message for youth as part of World Suicide Prevention Day. You are not alone. You are loved. suicide prevention, mental health, masculinity, boys, youth, suicide, boyhood false bonus 2 0f88e360-7b19-4bd2-a155-d6da595c0068 I Can Show Them Every Side: Boys and Theatre Several months ago, Evan invited me to see his middle school musical. The night of the show, I rode my bike across town and found a seat next to his dad, who was watching for the second time. The audience filled up, and the lights went down.

It ended up being a remarkably good show, but one of the most memorable moments for me took place right away in the opening number. Evan was unmistakeable in the front row, eyes darkened with makeup and shining at the audience. His voice carried through the ensemble. His body committed entirely to the scene. He was captivating. 

That was the moment I wondered if he had a story to be told.

Continue reading on Medium

FURTHER READING

You can read about the Dream Crazier ad campaign that Evan talked about on Nike News, and watch the video itself on Vimeo.

SOURCES

Niobe Way, Intimacy, Desire, and Distrust in the Friendships of Adolescent Boys →

Clementine Ford, Boys Will Be Boys →

Michael Chabon, My Son, The Prince of Fashion →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Sun, 26 Apr 2020 00:37:48 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Jonathon Reed, Jen Kuhl) http://breakingtheboycode.com Several months ago, Evan invited me to see his middle school musical. The night of the show, I rode my bike across town and found a seat next to his dad, who was watching for the second time. The audience filled up, and the lights went down.

It ended up being a remarkably good show, but one of the most memorable moments for me took place right away in the opening number. Evan was unmistakeable in the front row, eyes darkened with makeup and shining at the audience. His voice carried through the ensemble. His body committed entirely to the scene. He was captivating. 

That was the moment I wondered if he had a story to be told.

Continue reading on Medium

FURTHER READING

You can read about the Dream Crazier ad campaign that Evan talked about on Nike News, and watch the video itself on Vimeo.

SOURCES

Niobe Way, Intimacy, Desire, and Distrust in the Friendships of Adolescent Boys →

Clementine Ford, Boys Will Be Boys →

Michael Chabon, My Son, The Prince of Fashion →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> I Can Show Them Every Side: Boys and Theatre Jonathon Reed, Jen Kuhl 00:54:38 Thirteen-year-old Evan talks about the sense of belonging he’s found in musical theatre. Joined by Jen Kuhl, a facilitator and musical theatre choreographer. Thirteen-year-old Evan talks about the sense of belonging he’s found in musical theatre. Joined by Jen Kuhl, a facilitator and musical theatre choreographer. theatre, friendship, education, masculinity, boys, adolescence, arts, culture, boyhood false full 3 2 6e0f6eda-72be-45b6-9063-6e60ac2b4827 I’m Becoming More Like Them: Boys and Belonging Logan moved to Florida at the end of the summer. I’ll never know entirely what he left behind in California. I know that he had half a dozen friends on his street and the next, that on early mornings he would go to one of their houses for breakfast before bicycling together to school. I know that his grade at school held a lot of trust between themselves and cried at their graduation ceremony. I know that they were almost always together.

The new school isn’t the same. It’s a private school built for achievement, serving a highly ambitious student population and no single school district. It’s meant a lot of changes for Logan, with one of the most significant being the depth of his relationships with his peers.

Over the months, he’s also noticed changes within himself. While he still identifies the same strengths in himself that I do—his capacity for connection, his thoughtfulness and selflessness—he sees himself reflecting the attitudes and priorities of the people around him. “I don’t know if it’s just high school or being in a new place, or new people or whatever it is, but I feel like I’m changing,” he told me. “Like, I can notice myself…my personality is different from when I left.”

Continue reading on Medium

FURTHER READING

Michael’s most recent book is How to Raise a Boy. He also co-wrote two books on boys and relational learning with his research partner, Richard Hawley, which you can find on his website. They also published the initial findings of their research in a report for the International Boys’ School Coalition called Teaching Boys: A Global Study of Effective Practices.

SOURCES

Michael Reichert, How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men →

Julie Beck, Raising Boys With a Broader Definition of Masculinity →

Judy Chu, Supporting Boys’ Healthy Resistance to Masculine Norms →

The Haverford School, Counseling Services →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Tue, 3 Mar 2020 04:23:47 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Michael Reichert, Jonathon Reed) http://breakingtheboycode.com Logan moved to Florida at the end of the summer. I’ll never know entirely what he left behind in California. I know that he had half a dozen friends on his street and the next, that on early mornings he would go to one of their houses for breakfast before bicycling together to school. I know that his grade at school held a lot of trust between themselves and cried at their graduation ceremony. I know that they were almost always together.

The new school isn’t the same. It’s a private school built for achievement, serving a highly ambitious student population and no single school district. It’s meant a lot of changes for Logan, with one of the most significant being the depth of his relationships with his peers.

Over the months, he’s also noticed changes within himself. While he still identifies the same strengths in himself that I do—his capacity for connection, his thoughtfulness and selflessness—he sees himself reflecting the attitudes and priorities of the people around him. “I don’t know if it’s just high school or being in a new place, or new people or whatever it is, but I feel like I’m changing,” he told me. “Like, I can notice myself…my personality is different from when I left.”

Continue reading on Medium

FURTHER READING

Michael’s most recent book is How to Raise a Boy. He also co-wrote two books on boys and relational learning with his research partner, Richard Hawley, which you can find on his website. They also published the initial findings of their research in a report for the International Boys’ School Coalition called Teaching Boys: A Global Study of Effective Practices.

SOURCES

Michael Reichert, How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men →

Julie Beck, Raising Boys With a Broader Definition of Masculinity →

Judy Chu, Supporting Boys’ Healthy Resistance to Masculine Norms →

The Haverford School, Counseling Services →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> I’m Becoming More Like Them: Boys and Belonging Michael Reichert, Jonathon Reed 01:00:49 Fifteen-year-old Logan talks about moving across the country and leaving behind the openness and warmth of the friendships he used to have. Joined by Dr. Michael Reichert, author of How To Raise A Boy. Fifteen-year-old Logan talks about moving across the country and leaving behind the openness and warmth of the friendships he used to have. Joined by Dr. Michael Reichert, author of How To Raise A Boy. men, friendship, education, masculinity, boys, school, toxic masculinity, boyhood, belonging false full 2 2 6c683eeb-ebec-4afa-a696-dbc702d9ff42 Inside, I Really Feel Hurt: Boys and Islamophobia January 29, 2017 saw the worst mass murder in a house of worship in Canadian history: the Québec City mosque shooting in which six Muslim worshippers were killed and 19 injured.

Rehan was ten. “I remember when it happened,” he said on the podcast. “That night, I actually started crying because I was like, ‘What if that ever happened to me?’”

Islamophobia is on the rise in Canada. It’s perhaps most visible in the forms of explicit violence such as the massacre in Québec City, but it also manifests in schoolyard jokes and whitewashed media. Girls having their hjiabs torn off; refugees being told to leave. A kid like Rehan who can describe racism as easily as his evening prayers.

Violence doesn’t end just because you cross a border. And just because we can point to a historical event and say that it was an example of Islamophobia doesn’t mean that it’s not still happening now. It is still happening. We need to talk about it.

Continue reading on Medium

FURTHER READING

Fatmeh mentioned the Centre for Race and Culture and recommended their publication Race and Respect as a resource for teachers seeking to teach students about active citizenship and inclusive communities.

SOURCES

Jasmin Zine, Islamophobia and hate crimes continue to rise in Canada →

Joanna Schroeder, Racists Are Recruiting. Watch Your White Sons. →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Mon, 13 Jan 2020 06:50:13 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Jonathon Reed, Fatmeh Kalouti) http://breakingtheboycode.com January 29, 2017 saw the worst mass murder in a house of worship in Canadian history: the Québec City mosque shooting in which six Muslim worshippers were killed and 19 injured.

Rehan was ten. “I remember when it happened,” he said on the podcast. “That night, I actually started crying because I was like, ‘What if that ever happened to me?’”

Islamophobia is on the rise in Canada. It’s perhaps most visible in the forms of explicit violence such as the massacre in Québec City, but it also manifests in schoolyard jokes and whitewashed media. Girls having their hjiabs torn off; refugees being told to leave. A kid like Rehan who can describe racism as easily as his evening prayers.

Violence doesn’t end just because you cross a border. And just because we can point to a historical event and say that it was an example of Islamophobia doesn’t mean that it’s not still happening now. It is still happening. We need to talk about it.

Continue reading on Medium

FURTHER READING

Fatmeh mentioned the Centre for Race and Culture and recommended their publication Race and Respect as a resource for teachers seeking to teach students about active citizenship and inclusive communities.

SOURCES

Jasmin Zine, Islamophobia and hate crimes continue to rise in Canada →

Joanna Schroeder, Racists Are Recruiting. Watch Your White Sons. →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Inside, I Really Feel Hurt: Boys and Islamophobia Jonathon Reed, Fatmeh Kalouti 00:55:40 Rehan describes Islamophobia from the perspective of a thirteen-year-old Muslim boy. Joined by Fatmeh Kalouti, a youth worker at the Edmonton Mennonite Centre for Newcomers. Rehan describes Islamophobia from the perspective of a thirteen-year-old Muslim boy. Joined by Fatmeh Kalouti, a youth worker at the Edmonton Mennonite Centre for Newcomers. men, white supremacy, multiculturalism, masculinity, racism, boys, canada, islam, toxic masculinity, muslim, boyhood, islamophobia false full 1 2 e58d992d-72c5-4ae2-a7aa-3e3058e5ea71 What About the Boys Breaking the Boy Code began in March 2018, or the summer of 2017, or April 2014 depending on your parameters. But some part of it has its roots in an underweight boy with too many bracelets and long blonde hair—because if you had asked me when I was young what I thought about gender stereotypes and rules about masculinity, I would have had a lot to say.

I learned at a young age that some things are not allowed for boys, and some things result in violence that I wasn’t ready for. I was told I was doing it wrong. I was told I was a girl. I was called a fag before I knew what a fag was. As I navigated the winding path of both resistance and adherence to the rules of masculinity, I went to great lengths to hide or change parts of who I was. And while I had some great teachers, I also had teachers who were unprepared to intervene on homophobic violence in their classrooms.

I’m now an educator, and I’ve seen firsthand the impact of committed and authentic relationships with boys. Boys are saying: ‘We want change. We want these kinds of conversations about masculinity, about mental health and relationships, we want to be supported by committed educators who spend time with us and help us create a space to explore who we want to be.’ So as parents and educators we are part of something better than what we experienced when we were young.

“There is a systematic mistreatment underlying boyhood, and those of us responsible for its design and maintenance—not boys themselves—must fix its flaws. We will find ready partners in boys themselves, who have a keen interest in being seen as they are, hearts beating loudly behind the masks they must wear.” — Michael Reichert

Together, we are breaking the boy code.

SOURCES

Michael Reichert, How to Raise a Boy →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Fri, 1 Nov 2019 10:00:10 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Jonathon Reed) http://breakingtheboycode.com Breaking the Boy Code began in March 2018, or the summer of 2017, or April 2014 depending on your parameters. But some part of it has its roots in an underweight boy with too many bracelets and long blonde hair—because if you had asked me when I was young what I thought about gender stereotypes and rules about masculinity, I would have had a lot to say.

I learned at a young age that some things are not allowed for boys, and some things result in violence that I wasn’t ready for. I was told I was doing it wrong. I was told I was a girl. I was called a fag before I knew what a fag was. As I navigated the winding path of both resistance and adherence to the rules of masculinity, I went to great lengths to hide or change parts of who I was. And while I had some great teachers, I also had teachers who were unprepared to intervene on homophobic violence in their classrooms.

I’m now an educator, and I’ve seen firsthand the impact of committed and authentic relationships with boys. Boys are saying: ‘We want change. We want these kinds of conversations about masculinity, about mental health and relationships, we want to be supported by committed educators who spend time with us and help us create a space to explore who we want to be.’ So as parents and educators we are part of something better than what we experienced when we were young.

“There is a systematic mistreatment underlying boyhood, and those of us responsible for its design and maintenance—not boys themselves—must fix its flaws. We will find ready partners in boys themselves, who have a keen interest in being seen as they are, hearts beating loudly behind the masks they must wear.” — Michael Reichert

Together, we are breaking the boy code.

SOURCES

Michael Reichert, How to Raise a Boy →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> What About the Boys Jonathon Reed 00:13:51 Introduction episode for season two. A look back on my own adolescence, a story from the past few months and a call for parents and educators to join the conversation on boyhood masculinity. Introduction episode for season two. A look back on my own adolescence, a story from the past few months and a call for parents and educators to join the conversation on boyhood masculinity. relationships, education, masculinity, boys, youth, michael reichert, traditional masculinity, toxic masculinity, boyhood false full 0 2 tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/634357002 We Don’t Exist: Boys and Patriarchy With the debate about gay rights in the national media last year, homophobia became the mainstay of school hallways in Mumbai. Ash faced this every day with the unplaceable ache of being a closeted gay Hindu boy. “Even though they’re not talking to me,” he said on the podcast, “I feel what they say.” So each day he sidestepped one-sided debates that drove homophobic language through his skin, and gradually his helplessness translated to anger.

“It was enraging to not be able to stand up for myself. That’s one of the things that got to me the most. Because it would be odd for a straight kid to stand up for gay rights. If you take even a slightly pro-gay stance people are definitely going to start questioning you. I can’t risk that. But I can’t just stand and watch them spew homophobia. So what the hell do I do?”

Indian society upholds what Sikata Banerjee calls masculine Hinduism in Mumbai and what Aakriti Kohli calls Sikh martial masculinity in Punjab. Meanwhile Ash is caught on the frontlines, the victim of both the unrelenting pressure and cruel manifestation of a masculine narrative long defined by invulnerability and the domination of others.

The irony is that we can follow this thread from modern India to the perceived crisis of masculinity in the British Empire and the consequent rise of muscular Christianity in 19th-century North America. We are inherently part of the construction of boyhood masculinity as it has been for a hundred years.

Which means we are part of its redefinition.

Continue reading on Medium

FURTHER READING

I’m going to be sharing more about Love and how to support him through his refugee claim process soon. In the meantime, reach out on social media if you’re interested in learning how to support him.

SOURCES

Sikata Banerjee, Make me a man!: Masculinity, Hinduism, and nationalism in India →

Sikata Banerjee, The Quest for Manhood: Masculine Hinduism and Nation in Bengal →

Sanjay Srivastava, The making of toxic Hindu masculinity →

Aakriti Kohli, Militarization of Sikh Masculinity →

Rohini Nilekani, Boys can’t be boys. Here’s how to fix India’s toxic masculinity problem →

Amanda Keddie, Little Boys: tomorrow’s macho lads →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Mon, 10 Jun 2019 04:55:43 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Jonathon Reed, Sikata Banerjee) http://breakingtheboycode.com With the debate about gay rights in the national media last year, homophobia became the mainstay of school hallways in Mumbai. Ash faced this every day with the unplaceable ache of being a closeted gay Hindu boy. “Even though they’re not talking to me,” he said on the podcast, “I feel what they say.” So each day he sidestepped one-sided debates that drove homophobic language through his skin, and gradually his helplessness translated to anger.

“It was enraging to not be able to stand up for myself. That’s one of the things that got to me the most. Because it would be odd for a straight kid to stand up for gay rights. If you take even a slightly pro-gay stance people are definitely going to start questioning you. I can’t risk that. But I can’t just stand and watch them spew homophobia. So what the hell do I do?”

Indian society upholds what Sikata Banerjee calls masculine Hinduism in Mumbai and what Aakriti Kohli calls Sikh martial masculinity in Punjab. Meanwhile Ash is caught on the frontlines, the victim of both the unrelenting pressure and cruel manifestation of a masculine narrative long defined by invulnerability and the domination of others.

The irony is that we can follow this thread from modern India to the perceived crisis of masculinity in the British Empire and the consequent rise of muscular Christianity in 19th-century North America. We are inherently part of the construction of boyhood masculinity as it has been for a hundred years.

Which means we are part of its redefinition.

Continue reading on Medium

FURTHER READING

I’m going to be sharing more about Love and how to support him through his refugee claim process soon. In the meantime, reach out on social media if you’re interested in learning how to support him.

SOURCES

Sikata Banerjee, Make me a man!: Masculinity, Hinduism, and nationalism in India →

Sikata Banerjee, The Quest for Manhood: Masculine Hinduism and Nation in Bengal →

Sanjay Srivastava, The making of toxic Hindu masculinity →

Aakriti Kohli, Militarization of Sikh Masculinity →

Rohini Nilekani, Boys can’t be boys. Here’s how to fix India’s toxic masculinity problem →

Amanda Keddie, Little Boys: tomorrow’s macho lads →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> We Don’t Exist: Boys and Patriarchy Jonathon Reed, Sikata Banerjee 00:59:01 Ash sets the foundation for an exploration of how homophobia and patriarchy in India connect to colonial history, white supremacy, and adolescent boy culture in North America. Guided by the perspective of Love, a gay Punjabi refugee currently living in Winnipeg. Ash sets the foundation for an exploration of how homophobia and patriarchy in India connect to colonial history, white supremacy, and adolescent boy culture in North America. Guided by the perspective of Love, a gay Punjabi refugee currently living in Winnipeg. men, section 377, white supremacy, manhood, history, homophobia, masculinity, boys, toxic masculinity, boyhood, india, colonization false full 5 1 tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/546596847 In That Moment You’re Scared: Boys and Hazing Chad’s first experience with hazing was on his first night back at summer camp. Older boys grabbed him and his friends and told them to strip to their underwear. He tried to refuse but had to fight his way out of their grip, then left the cabin to the sound of the senior campers yelling, “Don’t be like him!”

Chad told a counsellor what had happened, but it wasn’t easy. “You don’t want to be a snitch,” he said on the podcast. “What’s holding you back is fear.” The risk of angering older peers in the moment and being ostracized from the group afterwards makes boys hesitate to speak out, and then the pressure to fit into a narrative of dominance and invulnerability compels them to bury their feelings deep inside.

If incidents of hazing could be said to have one thing in common, it’s silence. More than half of all boys experience hazing before they leave high school, but according to research, 92% of students will not report any kind of hazing to an adult. To put it bluntly, boys aren’t talking about hazing—at least not with experienced role models and mentors who could help them end ongoing cycles of violence.

It’s time we changed that.

Continue reading on Medium

FURTHER READING

Clementine Ford recently published Boys Will Be Boys and is a bit of a firebrand on Twitter or Instagram. You can support her work on Patreon.

Visit Werklund School’s Masculinities Studies webpage to learn more about Michael Kehler’s work and feminism-based gender research in Canada.

SOURCES

Clementine Ford, Macho ‘pranks’ and the devastating cost of male emotional repression →

Clementine Ford, Boys Will Be Boys →

Phil Christman, What Is It Like to Be a Man? →

Cavetown, Boys Will Be Bugs →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Tue, 18 Dec 2018 05:54:32 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Michael Kehler, Clementine Ford, Jonathon Reed) http://breakingtheboycode.com Chad’s first experience with hazing was on his first night back at summer camp. Older boys grabbed him and his friends and told them to strip to their underwear. He tried to refuse but had to fight his way out of their grip, then left the cabin to the sound of the senior campers yelling, “Don’t be like him!”

Chad told a counsellor what had happened, but it wasn’t easy. “You don’t want to be a snitch,” he said on the podcast. “What’s holding you back is fear.” The risk of angering older peers in the moment and being ostracized from the group afterwards makes boys hesitate to speak out, and then the pressure to fit into a narrative of dominance and invulnerability compels them to bury their feelings deep inside.

If incidents of hazing could be said to have one thing in common, it’s silence. More than half of all boys experience hazing before they leave high school, but according to research, 92% of students will not report any kind of hazing to an adult. To put it bluntly, boys aren’t talking about hazing—at least not with experienced role models and mentors who could help them end ongoing cycles of violence.

It’s time we changed that.

Continue reading on Medium

FURTHER READING

Clementine Ford recently published Boys Will Be Boys and is a bit of a firebrand on Twitter or Instagram. You can support her work on Patreon.

Visit Werklund School’s Masculinities Studies webpage to learn more about Michael Kehler’s work and feminism-based gender research in Canada.

SOURCES

Clementine Ford, Macho ‘pranks’ and the devastating cost of male emotional repression →

Clementine Ford, Boys Will Be Boys →

Phil Christman, What Is It Like to Be a Man? →

Cavetown, Boys Will Be Bugs →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> In That Moment You’re Scared: Boys and Hazing Michael Kehler, Clementine Ford, Jonathon Reed 00:47:10 Fifteen-year-old Chad tells his story of being hazed, explains the fear underlying boys’ choices to stay silent and describes what it takes to stand up to a culture of violence. Joined by Clementine Ford, author of Boys Will Be Boys, and Michael Kehler, Research Professor in Masculinities Studies at the Werklund School of Education. Fifteen-year-old Chad tells his story of being hazed, explains the fear underlying boys’ choices to stay silent and describes what it takes to stand up to a culture of violence. Joined by Clementine Ford, author of Boys Will Be Boys, and Michael Kehler, Research Professor in Masculinities Studies at the Werklund School of Education. men, hazing, bullying, manhood, masculinity, boys, sexual assault, toxic masculinity, violence, feminism, boyhood false full 4 1 tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/525339579 I Couldn’t Be Who I Wanted to Be: Boys and Stress Stress wound its way into Michael’s life throughout his preteen years, growing in size until it overwhelmed him in his first year of high school. “It took over my life,” he told me. “I’d come home and do four hours of homework. This took a toll on my social life, and my physical health. I began to develop an eating disorder, which I still have to battle to this day. I lost a lot of weight. I became more of an unhappy person. I wasn’t fun to be around. I didn’t enjoy being around other people. I just felt like my life was a mess.”

“It was painful, to see my life almost crumbling. Because of schoolwork, or my friends, or just something that was stressing me out so much I couldn’t be who I wanted to be. It was really just—it’s painful to think about now, it was painful to go through then. I’m still going through it.”

Things came to a head when Michael broke his leg and missed several weeks of school. He did his best to keep up with schoolwork in his absence, but the pressure he felt when he returned to school started building up. “I felt like I wasn’t strong, like I was a failure,” he told me, “and because of that I lost a lot of self-esteem.” His mind felt scattered and unable to focus. More and more work accumulated.

Michael came home from school one day and went straight to his room. He didn’t leave all evening. He didn’t sleep all night. Emotions flowed out of him as he yelled at himself, cried, and realized he’d been holding back his feelings for years.

“After that,” he said, “I knew I had to change something.”

Continue reading on Medium

FURTHER READING

As well as being a middle school counsellor, Phyllis Fagell is a writer and columnist in The Washington Post. Check out her blog and follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

You can support Damion Cooper’s program for boys and young men in Baltimore on the Project Pneuma website. If you want to learn more about the statistics I cited in the episode, visit The Baltimore Sun’s Baltimore Homicides webpage.

SOURCES

William Pollack, Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood →

Niobe Way and Jessica Cressen, ‘It Might Be Nice to Be a Girl…Then You Wouldn’t Have to Be Emotionless:’ Boys’ Resistance to Norms of Masculinity During Adolescence →

Andrew Reiner, Boy Talk: Breaking Masculine Stereotypes →

Wide Angle Youth Productions, Project Pneuma →

Luke Broadwater, From anger to forgiveness: How one man’s shooting led to a new program for Baltimore boys →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Mon, 5 Nov 2018 22:27:25 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Jonathon Reed, Damion Cooper, Phyllis Fagell) http://breakingtheboycode.com Stress wound its way into Michael’s life throughout his preteen years, growing in size until it overwhelmed him in his first year of high school. “It took over my life,” he told me. “I’d come home and do four hours of homework. This took a toll on my social life, and my physical health. I began to develop an eating disorder, which I still have to battle to this day. I lost a lot of weight. I became more of an unhappy person. I wasn’t fun to be around. I didn’t enjoy being around other people. I just felt like my life was a mess.”

“It was painful, to see my life almost crumbling. Because of schoolwork, or my friends, or just something that was stressing me out so much I couldn’t be who I wanted to be. It was really just—it’s painful to think about now, it was painful to go through then. I’m still going through it.”

Things came to a head when Michael broke his leg and missed several weeks of school. He did his best to keep up with schoolwork in his absence, but the pressure he felt when he returned to school started building up. “I felt like I wasn’t strong, like I was a failure,” he told me, “and because of that I lost a lot of self-esteem.” His mind felt scattered and unable to focus. More and more work accumulated.

Michael came home from school one day and went straight to his room. He didn’t leave all evening. He didn’t sleep all night. Emotions flowed out of him as he yelled at himself, cried, and realized he’d been holding back his feelings for years.

“After that,” he said, “I knew I had to change something.”

Continue reading on Medium

FURTHER READING

As well as being a middle school counsellor, Phyllis Fagell is a writer and columnist in The Washington Post. Check out her blog and follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

You can support Damion Cooper’s program for boys and young men in Baltimore on the Project Pneuma website. If you want to learn more about the statistics I cited in the episode, visit The Baltimore Sun’s Baltimore Homicides webpage.

SOURCES

William Pollack, Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood →

Niobe Way and Jessica Cressen, ‘It Might Be Nice to Be a Girl…Then You Wouldn’t Have to Be Emotionless:’ Boys’ Resistance to Norms of Masculinity During Adolescence →

Andrew Reiner, Boy Talk: Breaking Masculine Stereotypes →

Wide Angle Youth Productions, Project Pneuma →

Luke Broadwater, From anger to forgiveness: How one man’s shooting led to a new program for Baltimore boys →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> I Couldn’t Be Who I Wanted to Be: Boys and Stress Jonathon Reed, Damion Cooper, Phyllis Fagell 00:47:15 Michael offers a glimpse of stress at age fourteen—how it led to struggles with his self-esteem and body image, and how he’s learning to cope with it. Joined by Phyllis Fagell, who runs a boys’ group at Sheridan School, and Damion Cooper, founder of Project Pneuma. Michael offers a glimpse of stress at age fourteen—how it led to struggles with his self-esteem and body image, and how he’s learning to cope with it. Joined by Phyllis Fagell, who runs a boys’ group at Sheridan School, and Damion Cooper, founder of Project Pneuma. men, friendship, stress, boys groups, education, manhood, masculinity, boys, school, adolescence, feminism, boyhood, emotions false full 3 1 tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/450908439 I Miss Him So Much: Boys and Friendship Sebastian’s voice is captivating because its weight shifts dramatically. For part of his story, he maintains a sort of matter-of-fact nonchalance. “Yeah,” he starts out, “I had a very close friend, and we had been friends for like, our whole lives.” This lightness follows his memories of their earliest times together, how they grew closer and closer until they became inseparable.

After about ten minutes, however, Sebastian begins describing the crisis point where things between them changed. His voice catches as he says, “I went to the court, and it was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.” His voice breaks. “I knew that wasn’t him.”

Then, with wet eyelashes, he shares his emotions. The loss. The loneliness. The yearning. His voice still flits back and forth, but it becomes heavier.

He was like one of those necklaces that are engraved with ‘best friend’ and marketed at preteen girls, where each pendant on its own is just an incomplete phrase and a broken heart.

It’s a fitting comparison. Primarily because it really does do justice to Sebastian’s feelings, but also because it illuminates the gender bias within our cultural expectations about friendship. There are no ‘best friend’ necklaces for teenage boys. We don’t have conversations with them about platonic trust and intimacy. We don’t help them resist the ways that homophobia limits their relationships. We don’t support them in maintaining those relationships through their adolescence.

We don’t expect boys to have emotionally intimate male friendships. Boys have them anyway.

Continue reading on Medium

SOURCES

William Pollack, Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood →

Niobe Way, Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Tue, 29 May 2018 20:37:09 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Niobe Way, Jonathon Reed, Jermal Alleyne) http://breakingtheboycode.com Sebastian’s voice is captivating because its weight shifts dramatically. For part of his story, he maintains a sort of matter-of-fact nonchalance. “Yeah,” he starts out, “I had a very close friend, and we had been friends for like, our whole lives.” This lightness follows his memories of their earliest times together, how they grew closer and closer until they became inseparable.

After about ten minutes, however, Sebastian begins describing the crisis point where things between them changed. His voice catches as he says, “I went to the court, and it was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.” His voice breaks. “I knew that wasn’t him.”

Then, with wet eyelashes, he shares his emotions. The loss. The loneliness. The yearning. His voice still flits back and forth, but it becomes heavier.

He was like one of those necklaces that are engraved with ‘best friend’ and marketed at preteen girls, where each pendant on its own is just an incomplete phrase and a broken heart.

It’s a fitting comparison. Primarily because it really does do justice to Sebastian’s feelings, but also because it illuminates the gender bias within our cultural expectations about friendship. There are no ‘best friend’ necklaces for teenage boys. We don’t have conversations with them about platonic trust and intimacy. We don’t help them resist the ways that homophobia limits their relationships. We don’t support them in maintaining those relationships through their adolescence.

We don’t expect boys to have emotionally intimate male friendships. Boys have them anyway.

Continue reading on Medium

SOURCES

William Pollack, Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood →

Niobe Way, Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> I Miss Him So Much: Boys and Friendship Niobe Way, Jonathon Reed, Jermal Alleyne 00:58:48 Fifteen-year-old Sebastian describes the heartbreak he feels after losing the closeness he used to have with his best friend. He leads a discussion on intimate friendships between boys, why they matter and what we can do to support them. Joined by Niobe Way, author of Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection, and Jermal Alleyne, Program Director of Next Gen Men. Fifteen-year-old Sebastian describes the heartbreak he feels after losing the closeness he used to have with his best friend. He leads a discussion on intimate friendships between boys, why they matter and what we can do to support them. Joined by Niobe Way, author of Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection, and Jermal Alleyne, Program Director of Next Gen Men. men, friendship, mental health, manhood, masculinity, boys, adolescence, boyhood false full 2 1 tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/433728642 Because I Was Different: Boys and Homophobia When I think of resilience, I think of Eli. On the outside, he’s as cut and as worn as you can imagine, but at his core is a dogged spirit that has withstood countless attacks on his gender, body and identity. He faces transphobia with bitter resolve. He’s like a war survivor who’s repeatedly been sent back to the front lines.

One of Eli’s front lines has always been school, in particular physical education classes and spaces defined by youth culture, where he either has to fight to have his gender identity recognized or he has to be on guard against homophobia- or transphobia-based violence. He tries hard to protect himself, but sometimes he doesn’t make it.

His story is all too familiar. Nearly all LGBTQ youth have faced discrimination based on their gender or sexual orientation. Sometimes it’s outright physical violence. Sometimes it’s more implicit.

Continue reading on Medium

FURTHER READING

Lori Duron writes a blog called Raising My Rainbow. You can also follow her and her son on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Alissa and Victoria were representatives of SOGI 1 2 3, an initiative based in western Canada. The website has LGBTQ-focused resources for both parents and educators. If you’re looking for more resources I recommend Gender Spectrum’s Gender Inclusive Schools Toolkit, Human Rights Campaign’s Schools In Transition and Welcoming Schools programs, as well as GLSEN and The Trevor Project.

SOURCES

UBC News, Gay-straight alliances in schools reduce suicide risk for all students →

CJ Pascoe, Homophobia in Boys’ Friendships →

CJ Pascoe, Dude, You’re a Fag →

Stephen Frosh, Young Masculinities →

Debbie Epstein, Boyz’ Own Stories: Masculinities and sexualities in schools →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Mon, 23 Apr 2018 01:57:51 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (CJ Pascoe, Alissa Amos, Lori Duron, Victoria Larsen, Jonathon Reed) http://breakingtheboycode.com When I think of resilience, I think of Eli. On the outside, he’s as cut and as worn as you can imagine, but at his core is a dogged spirit that has withstood countless attacks on his gender, body and identity. He faces transphobia with bitter resolve. He’s like a war survivor who’s repeatedly been sent back to the front lines.

One of Eli’s front lines has always been school, in particular physical education classes and spaces defined by youth culture, where he either has to fight to have his gender identity recognized or he has to be on guard against homophobia- or transphobia-based violence. He tries hard to protect himself, but sometimes he doesn’t make it.

His story is all too familiar. Nearly all LGBTQ youth have faced discrimination based on their gender or sexual orientation. Sometimes it’s outright physical violence. Sometimes it’s more implicit.

Continue reading on Medium

FURTHER READING

Lori Duron writes a blog called Raising My Rainbow. You can also follow her and her son on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Alissa and Victoria were representatives of SOGI 1 2 3, an initiative based in western Canada. The website has LGBTQ-focused resources for both parents and educators. If you’re looking for more resources I recommend Gender Spectrum’s Gender Inclusive Schools Toolkit, Human Rights Campaign’s Schools In Transition and Welcoming Schools programs, as well as GLSEN and The Trevor Project.

SOURCES

UBC News, Gay-straight alliances in schools reduce suicide risk for all students →

CJ Pascoe, Homophobia in Boys’ Friendships →

CJ Pascoe, Dude, You’re a Fag →

Stephen Frosh, Young Masculinities →

Debbie Epstein, Boyz’ Own Stories: Masculinities and sexualities in schools →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Because I Was Different: Boys and Homophobia CJ Pascoe, Alissa Amos, Lori Duron, Victoria Larsen, Jonathon Reed 00:53:27 Fourteen-year-old Eli’s pull-no-punches story of being bullied as a transgender boy entering high school leads to a conversation about homophobia and transphobia among boys. Joined by Lori Duron from Raising My Rainbow, two Canadian teachers trained in LGBTQ-inclusive education, and CJ Pascoe, a youth-focused researcher and writer. Conceived as part of Trans Day of Visibility. Fourteen-year-old Eli’s pull-no-punches story of being bullied as a transgender boy entering high school leads to a conversation about homophobia and transphobia among boys. Joined by Lori Duron from Raising My Rainbow, two Canadian teachers trained in LGBTQ-inclusive education, and CJ Pascoe, a youth-focused researcher and writer. Conceived as part of Trans Day of Visibility. men, education, lgbtq, schools, manhood, homophobia, masculinity, transphobia, boys, youth, feminism, boyhood false full 1 1 tag:soundcloud,2010:tracks/408854019 Introduction How do you stop a man from being violent? How do you stop the college student who’s taking things to far, or that guy at the bar who won’t back down, or the dad whose words are fists? On one hand these are complex issues and the answer is not one thing, but at the same time all of these men have one thing in common. Boyhood. So how do you stop a man from being violent? You talk to him when he’s a boy.

At first glance, the context of this podcast is ending violence against women and girls. In order to effectively confront patterns of male violence, we need to look deeper at the ways that masculinity is constructed, enacted and resisted by boys and men. In a word, patriarchy.

Patriarchy also has negative effects on boys and men. Boys are dropping out of high school twice as much as girls. Using drugs and alcohol more frequently and more heavily. Dying by suicide four times as often. Men are committing 98% of shootings in the United States, and filling 93% of the prison population.

The premise of this podcast is that boys have inner lives—personal, emotional experiences that are often hidden from view. And if we can better understand and support those inner lives, we can better protect them and the people around them. Each episode will centre on a single boy, describing an experience within that inner life—anxiety, grief, depression, bullying—and will interweave his story with the perspectives of experts and leaders in progressive masculinity.

Coming monthly.

SOURCES

JR Thorpe, Gender Stereotypes Put More Pressure On Boys Than Girls, and The Consequences Can Be Really Toxic →

Rachel Brandt, 4 Ways the ‘Boys Will Be Boys’ Attitude Harms the Men in Our Lives →

Michael Reichert and Sharon Ravitch, ‘Defying Normative Male Identities: The Transgressive Possibilities of Jewish Boyhood,’ Youth & Society →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Mon, 5 Mar 2018 06:11:24 +0000 breakingtheboycode@gmail.com (Jonathon Reed) http://breakingtheboycode.com How do you stop a man from being violent? How do you stop the college student who’s taking things to far, or that guy at the bar who won’t back down, or the dad whose words are fists? On one hand these are complex issues and the answer is not one thing, but at the same time all of these men have one thing in common. Boyhood. So how do you stop a man from being violent? You talk to him when he’s a boy.

At first glance, the context of this podcast is ending violence against women and girls. In order to effectively confront patterns of male violence, we need to look deeper at the ways that masculinity is constructed, enacted and resisted by boys and men. In a word, patriarchy.

Patriarchy also has negative effects on boys and men. Boys are dropping out of high school twice as much as girls. Using drugs and alcohol more frequently and more heavily. Dying by suicide four times as often. Men are committing 98% of shootings in the United States, and filling 93% of the prison population.

The premise of this podcast is that boys have inner lives—personal, emotional experiences that are often hidden from view. And if we can better understand and support those inner lives, we can better protect them and the people around them. Each episode will centre on a single boy, describing an experience within that inner life—anxiety, grief, depression, bullying—and will interweave his story with the perspectives of experts and leaders in progressive masculinity.

Coming monthly.

SOURCES

JR Thorpe, Gender Stereotypes Put More Pressure On Boys Than Girls, and The Consequences Can Be Really Toxic →

Rachel Brandt, 4 Ways the ‘Boys Will Be Boys’ Attitude Harms the Men in Our Lives →

Michael Reichert and Sharon Ravitch, ‘Defying Normative Male Identities: The Transgressive Possibilities of Jewish Boyhood,’ Youth & Society →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at boypodcast@nextgenmen.ca or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

]]> Introduction Jonathon Reed 00:12:54 Introduction episode for a new podcast on the inner lives of boys. Dedicated to Bryson, who suicided on February 11 at age 12. “Our boys deserve more. More respect. More attention. More room to explore who they are as individuals. Fuller, longer lives. Closer friendships. Fewer stereotypes. Less violence. Less loneliness. And a whole lot more than what ‘boys will be boys’ can give them.” — Rachel Brandt Introduction episode for a new podcast on the inner lives of boys. Dedicated to Bryson, who suicided on February 11 at age 12. “Our boys deserve more. More respect. More attention. More room to explore who they are as individuals. Fuller, longer lives. Closer friendships. Fewer stereotypes. Less violence. Less loneliness. And a whole lot more than what ‘boys will be boys’ can give them.” — Rachel Brandt masculinity, boys, adolescence, toxic masculinity, feminism, boyhood false full 0 1