TW: Baby loss, miscarriage. 

If you are struggling with any of the topics discussed in the podcast please seek professional help. 

Tommy's charity - https://www.tommys.org/

Saying goodbye charity - https://www.instagram.com/sayinggoodbye_charity/?hl=en

Zoe Adelle Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/zoeadelle/?hl=en

Jess' Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/jessicahayesx_/?hl=en

Eve: There is so much that has happened in the last five years of your life. Do you want to tell us a bit about who you are? (1:19)

Eve: Your journey to motherhood is quite a unique one, and I know this is a huge story, so just go for it! (3:27)

Eve: After you got back from Vancouver, what happened then? (23:40)

Eve: With being in the British Asian community, did you ever feel you received any kind of judgement of the route you went down? (29:42)

Eve: After having Amaala, when did you then decided to have another baby? (33:20)

Eve: When you managed to see your babies eventually, how was that for the first time? (52:39)

Eve: Then when they came home, we were in lockdown it maybe did fast forward the bonding process for you guys. (55:31)

Eve: What does motherhood mean to you (57:40)

https://www.instagram.com/livsalone/

Purchase Liv's book here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Livs-Alone-Liv-Thorne/dp/1529344182

Eve: Tell us a bit about yourself? (1:00)

Liv: When I was in my mid 30s, I was single and I decided that I wanted to have a baby via sperm donation.

Eve: When was the moment for you when you decided you wanted to do this and to be a mum? (1:49)

Liv: I always wanted to be a mum and it was a bit of a slow burn as you expect life to pan out like it does in books or for your parents or friends where they fall in love and have a baby. By the time I was in my mid 30s and I had been single most of my adult life it became obvious that I couldn’t just sit around and wait for a cracking tinder date. It got to the point that every time someone would tell me they were pregnant my whole body would be full of sadness.

Eve: What was the process for you, how does it work? (3:28)

Liv: For me fertility is a lottery, and you don’t know what will happen. For me, they put the sperm directly in my cervix and its directly like a smear test.

Eve: Was it on the first try that you did fall pregnant? (5:05)

Liv: No, it was on the 4th try that I fell pregnant. I made the decision I would try IUI 4 times and then after that try IVF.

Eve: How was it being a solo mother? (5:50)

Liv: It was tough, I was really ill during pregnancy. There would be some nights where I would be laying on the bathroom floor being sick crying, thinking what on earth have I done. Going to the appointments alone could feel lonely, but only because you want to share your news with people.

Eve: Did you receive any negative reactions when telling people, you were pregnant and had a sperm donor? (7:20)

Liv: No, I really assumed I would, but I was really luckily, and no one has ever been negative to me. Most of my followers on Instagram are women, so I think most women understand that primal urge to become a mother.

Eve: How were the first few months after giving birth: (11:40)

Liv: I was blindsided about how tough it would be. I thought it would be just being tired, but that was not even half of the battle. For the first few weeks your body is in pain, your in physical pain.

Eve: Was it with time then that things got easier: (14:57)

Liv: Kids go through stages, one day they won’t sleep and the next day they won’t. It’s always a constant learning curve but a brilliant one.

Eve: Tell me about your book that is being launched? (19:22)

Liv: So, to me it’s really important different routes to parenthood not just motherhood, single mothers and solo mothers but adoption, surrogacy, men adoption. All of these amazing routes to parenthood should be talked and celebrated about more. The book is about my story and I’m so privilege to do it.

Eve: What does motherhood mean to you?

Liv: It means everything. Now that I have made it happen it’s been hard but amazing. I’m so glad it all worked out and my baby is healthy, and we are really good.

Eve: Hi Natasha, do you want to start by introducing yourself to our listeners? (0:26)

Natasha: My name is Natasha Hamilton, and you may know me as being 1/3 of Atomic Kitten. I’m also a very busy mum and have 4 children, 3 who are still at home.

Eve: Tell me a little bit about your life in the band days? (1:00)

Natasha: Back in the day as people say life was crazy. I left home at the age of 16 and moved to London and we became one of the world’s biggest girl bands, and we signed a 1.5 million record deal. Life became very busy and we were in high demand, we were travelling the world. Our schedule was so intense that we just never stopped. Although it was fun, it was exhausting at the same time. We got to do so many incredible things.

Eve: Yes, I bet it was so intense at the time only being 16 and then you left 6 years later? (2:25)

Natasha: Yes, I became pregnant with my eldest son Josh and I had him when I was still in the band. I only had 6 weeks maternity leave. It’s crazy that I thought that would be enough time to have a baby and recover. It’s not surprise that I was going to find things different. I was away so much, and it became difficult to me as I wasn’t enjoying that job I used to once enjoy. I didn’t know at the time I was also going through the first stages of postnatal depression, which I was hiding. I was depressed all day every day, except from when the camera was rolling. It became this big secret that I was carrying around with me. 9 months into having Josh things came to a massive head.

Eve: I guess your job had almost switched from being in this famous girl band to being a mum and you probably couldn’t do both? How was life after you left the band then? (5:30)

Natasha: Life was difficult after leaving the band as I was craving normality so much. You quickly realise coming out of that, that life doesn’t go back to normal. People would still whisper under their breath “omg that’s the girl out of atomic kitten”. I was trying to build relationships with the new community I lived in. A lot of the mums were older than me, so I found it hard making friendships with mums. Everybody knew who I was, but I didn’t know anyone else. There was no easy fix to everything that was going on.

Eve: Now you have 4 gorgeous babies, how was your journey to motherhood with them? (6:50)

Natasha: every single one of them has been totally different. With my first, I suffered with postnatal depression, but my pregnancy was wonderful. My second youngest, Harry, he was adamant to make an early arrival. At 20 weeks I went into early labour. I was suffering with a kidney infection that I couldn’t get rid out and it was causing a lot of problems. I finally had him at 38 weeks. Then after I had him, I was ok, I had a little bit of postnatal depression, but nothing compared to the first time. After that I actually lost a baby, and it was really traumatic at the time. I was newly married, and I fell pregnant on my honeymoon and everything was so perfect. So, to have to deal with that, it was really hard and it sent me into quite a dark place for quite a while. Eventually, I had Alfie. That was a really stressful pregnancy from what had happened before. I was constantly worrying. When he came I thrived. Then I had Ella, which I don’t know whether my body was not used to carrying a girl, but right from early conception, I was having panic attacks, horrendous anxiety. I was diagnosed with prenatal depression which I didn’t know was a thing. When Ella got to 3 or 4 months old, I just wasn’t coping at all. It was just a spiral and when Ella was 10 months old, I had a full-on breakdown. I had to go back to work pretty quickly after giving birth as I needed the income.

Eve: How did you realise you were going though PND in the end? (11:55)

Natasha: Constant worry, constant crying, not sleeping, erratic moods, not wanting to leave the house. I was treated with medication but that didn’t seem to work. It led me to a path of thinking that I had been depressed for several years and how could I change this so I looked into diet, excercise and holistic therapies.

Eve: You went through cognitive therapy, what is this? (13:15)

Natasha: I went through a very intensive course of cognitive behavioural therapy and that was about learning to control your thoughts and living in the now. It’s a lot to take in and is not for everyone and even when I was told I was going to do it, I thought it was a lot of rubbish. I think I felt like that as I wasn’t confident in my own ability. It ended up being one of the most incredible experiences, it was hard but by the time I had my 18th session I was crying, with happy tears and I gained back control of my life.

Eve: So, 1 in 10 people according to the statistics, suffer with postnatal depression which is actually very high. What advice would you give to people who are going through a similar situation to what you were in (16:35)

Natasha: If you have just had a baby or you are pregnant and you don’t feel right, speak to someone about it. The worst thing you can do is keep it inside. You only feel how you respond to your body. Speak to someone whether it’s a family member or friend.

Eve: When you got your mojo back, what did you get up to? (18:35)

Natasha: I’m doing really well; the last 18 months have been a challenge, but I’ve learnt a lot about myself and to put myself out there and take it day by day. One of my biggest life tips is to do something every day that is for you before you sort the kids out. I get up half an hour or an hour before the kids and I will write journals, do a workout and just start my day in the right way. It’s about finding tools that work.

Eve: As a mother of 4, what does motherhood mean to you? (20:30)

Natasha: Motherhood changes all the time with the different phases. Motherhood is constantly evolving, exhausting but incredibly rewarding.

Eve: What is the main mantra you live your life by and why?

Natasha: Fill your own up before filling anyone else’s. Even if its 15 minutes before you have to get up. If you have a newborn rest or nap, have downtime when they have downtime.

https://www.instagram.com/lucyjessicacarter/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBTPjAKFYoSmeTL3xE6c14A

Eve: We’re going to chat about a few different things today, do you want to start off by introducing yourself?

Lucy: I have 4 children, and I have a YouTube channel which is Lucy Jessica Carter and then I have my Instagram which is the same.

Eve: How did you and your partner Jordan meet? (1:10)

Lucy: We met at my friends leaving party and she was leaving to Australia. Jordan came along with one of his friends and I had just come out of a long-term relationship. We didn’t actually talk or acknowledge each other that night. He added me and on Facebook the next day and then he messaged me saying did you have a good night. It started off from a friendship and then it went from there.

Eve: Aw that’s so nice, and now you have 4 children together! Talk to me about your journey to motherhood? (2:45)

Lucy: I’m one of those people that has always wanted to be a mum and knew I wanted a lot of children. I struggled when I finished school because all I wanted to do was to be a mum, and it wasn’t the right time and then I met Jordan and it just happened. Every pregnancy just happened after that!

Eve: How were your all your pregnancies and births with each of your children? (3:50)

Lucy: I always knew about morning sickness as in being sick all day as my mum had it. When I was pregnant with Jenson, I felt fine for the first few weeks and then I hit 6 weeks pregnant and I felt so ill. It really took a toll on my mental health as well where you are so ill. When I was first pregnant, I was 23 and I didn’t know anyone that had a baby and I really felt alone in that pregnancy. We weren’t even married or living together at this point, it was very isolating especially in the first trimester. It was better in the 2nd and 3rd trimester and then I went overdue. I was then induced because I have high blood pressure. I felt really miserable as I was in hospital for a week. I had the hormone drip and everything like that, but Jenson’s heart rate kept dropping and it ended up in an emergency c-section. When I got home after having Jenson, I remember putting on one born every minute and I had to turn it off as I couldn’t watch anything about hospitals or childbirth. I had the baby blues after Jenson’s birth which is feeling all over the place and really low. I did pick up after a few weeks and was fine.

Eve: Then you went onto having Jesse, how was that pregnancy? (8:15)

Lucy: That was completely different as I was a few years older and I was married, I felt very secure. I had nailed the first few years of motherhood so I knew exactly what was coming. The only thing that was different about Jesse’s birth was the c-section recovery. I was expecting to bounce back, and I couldn’t even sit up in bed and couldn’t move. We actually had go to back into hospital as Jesse had jaundice.

Eve: Then over 2 years ago you were pregnant with twins, how was that? (10:10)
Lucy: Me and Jordan discussed having another baby and we kind of just went with it. I found out I was pregnant shortly after a Lanzarote trip. It was brilliant and then a few weeks later, I had a bleed, so I instantly thought I know what was happening here and thought the worst. I went into the scan and she told me I was actually pregnant with twins. Jordan was thrilled when I told him, he is so laid back and is always up for an adventure.

Eve: How was your pregnancy with the twins? (12:35)

Lucy: The first trimester was rough, I had severe morning sickness and I lost quite a bit of weight. In the end I was admitted to hospital, it was a bit of a rollercoaster. I kind of picked up around 17 weeks. My birth with the girls was a planned c-section and it went so smoothly. I think I was at 38 weeks. Rosabella went down to NICU straight away and India went down shortly after. They were there for 2-3 days. We came home on Christmas eve, so timing was not on my side.

Eve: Did you always want to have a big family? (18:20)

Lucy: I always said when I was younger I wanted 4 children. When I had my first child I thought oh this is pretty tough maybe I won’t have 4 children, but here we are!

Eve: When did you start your YouTube career? (19:00)

Lucy: I started in January 2017. Being online has been very consistent and it has grown overtime. Last year I launched you and me and it’s been quite a rollercoaster over the last few years. Especially the last year, because the whole world changed and having to consistently show up online when there is so much going on and so much uncertainty was a real challenge. Going to Weymouth recently was so lovely and I filmed it all and it made me realise why I started my channel.

Eve: Are there any negatives you’ve found in the influencer and vlogging world? (22:22)

Lucy: Like everything there will always be negative, and as I’ve got older I’ve learnt that anything and everything you do there will always be negative downsides. People online can be awful and when you are in a good place mentally, I can take it. But when you are not great and not feeling 100% about something it can be really hard to take it. That is a negative, although the positives do outweigh the negatives.

Eve: Your sister Elle is also a vlogger and an influencer. Have you been sharing any top tips or advice to her? (24:00)

Lucy: I definitely have but I’m also mindful of not to come across as a know it all at all. I’m sure every mum will agree that you need to let them do it their own way. I’m going to be around whenever she wants me, but equally I don’t want to intrude. I recommend to other new mums to make a support group around you and make those new connections and to find someone on your level.

Eve: How do you juggle your family life? (26:00)

Lucy: It is a lot and since I’ve started house renovations and starting you and me it’s just not all possible, I don’t upload 3 times a week on YouTube anymore. It’s up and downs and challenging at times but making sure we get quality time as a family as well.

Eve: What does motherhood mean to you? (29:00)

Lucy: It means everything, it sets my soul on fire. It’s the forefront of every single thing I do, and I think it will be that way forever. I was going to say I love every minute but it is hard. At the end of the day I smile and they are my purpose.

Eve: Today we are talking to Kelsey Parker who is @beingkesley on Instagram. We will be chatting everything motherhood. Do you want to tell us a bit about yourself and who you are? (0:30)

Kelsey: I’m an insta mum and a mum of 2. Aurelia is 2 going on 22 and Bodhi is 7 months, and I am married to Tom Parker who was in the band The Wanted.

Eve: That’s so cool and you have done some acting in the past haven’t you? (1:15)

Kelsey: Yes, I trained at Italia Conti so I have danced, sung and been acting my entire life. I started when I was 2 and I have done a few bits. I was Chantelle in EastEnders and I was also in Harry Potter when I was a kid. So many people ask me about it and I say yes, I have sat in the great hall, been on the moving staircase.

Eve: Wow! How old were you when you were on Harry Potter? (2:00)

Kelsey: I was about 13/14 and it was honestly the best time. We would get picked up from school about 6am to get the coach and we would have the time of our lives. It was the 3rd film as well and we had known the first 2 were massive.

Eve: That’s so cool. How did you and Tom meet back in the day? (03:25)

Kelsey: We met in a nightclub and I was 19 in London and was outside the club in London with my best friend Kelsey who I run a business with, and I said to her OMG I love that guy I need to speak to him. When we got into the club our tables were next to each other and it was actually Tom’s first night out as the band. He started trying to chat me up and telling me he was in a band and I said what’s your band called, and he said we haven’t got a name yet. He didn’t even ask for my number, he asked for my name so he could add me on Facebook. We chatted after and the rest is history as they say!

Eve: Have you ever struggled being in the public eye? (5:39)

Kelsey: There have been times, I’m not going to lie that have been hard. When we first got together, it was a secret for quite a long time because we didn’t want to come out and put the pressure on our relationship. When we did come out, I got a lot of hate from the fans, but me being me I turned it around and I have since really got on with their fan base. I used to do workshops for the fans, so I got to know quite a few of them on a personal level. We did the wanted life on E and that was quite tough going as the things we spoke about in the show were hard and also being filmed 24/7 was hard. I have had some moments where I’ve been walking out of clubs drunk and my cellulite has made the papers the next day. I’m not one of those people to get down on those things though.

Eve: How were your pregnancies with both of your children? (7:32)

Kelsey: They were completely different pregnancies, even the way I carried them. Aurelia, I suffered really bad pre-eclampsia with and I was really poorly. Everything was so swollen, my ankles, feet, hands. I ended up being induced a week early with her. Then with Bodhi it was better to a degree, but we had some trauma towards the end. He decided to kick and break his own waters 2 weeks early.

Eve: That’s crazy. How were your births with both? (8:40)

Kelsey: I got induced with both of them and when I got induced the birth happened really quick and in fact the doctors and nurses weren’t believing me. I dilated very quickly. Bodhi was 30 minutes in labour and Aurelia was an hour.

Eve: What is your parenting style with both of them? (10:55)

Kelsey: It’s really hard because me and her dad are both performers, so how can I expect anything less. I probably encourage her personality but then I am strict on being polite and being kind. I am kind of a free spirit mum.

Eve: What’s the best thing about motherhood for you? (12:23)

Kelsey: Its cliché but its everything about being a mum. I have always wanted to be a mum. It is hard work being a mum but they just bring you such joy.

Eve: Hi Casey, thank you for joining me today. Today we will be talking about all things motherhood. Do you want to start telling me a bit about yourself? (1:00)

Casey: I have 2 little girls with another little girl on the way. A lot of people know me from the love triangle I had in Celebrity Big Brother, and I now have a successful yoga blitz company.

Eve: How has your pregnancy been so far (4:22)

Casey: This has been the best pregnancy out of the three so far. With Florence I was horrendously sick and dry heaved from start to finish. With Sadie, it was the same again, but with this one I forget that I am pregnant sometimes. I feel fine, and that was why I was adamant I was having a boy, but I was wrong!

Eve: That’s lovely. Have you always imagined having a bigger family (5:07)

Casey: Yes, I have done. I’ve got 2 brothers so there is 3 of us and its nice having a bigger family.

Eve: What do you think the hardest thing about motherhood for you is? (6:45)

Casey: I am still a new mum really. As much as I love to work still and be proactive, I love to be a full-time hands-on mum as well. With my work its good as a lot of it is on the phone and I can do it from home and the girls can come with me. It also hard as I can’t just walk out the door to go to work and leave them at home and be able to fully focus on work because they are always with me. I guess most people are either a mum or at work but I’m juggling both at the same time. I can get mum guilt sometimes when they are at work with me.

Eve: You mentioned before that Florence’s labour was quite traumatic for you, could you tell me a bit more about this? (8:50)

Casey: Florence’s heart rate was sporadically going up and down and they didn’t know what was wrong, so they needed me to have more of a rapid birth. They broke my waters but it gave me a rapid birth. I was having contraction after contraction after contraction with no break in between. They say that a contraction at its highest point is the same pain equivalent to breaking 20 bones at the same time. So its pretty painful. My body was going into shock, I was being sick all down myself and I was having fits because it was so painful. I got to about 8.5cm and I physically couldn’t do it anymore. I needed an epidural, but I couldn’t stay still to get it. It took them 6/7 attempts to get it in and whilst doing this they punctured my spine and I had epidural drips and brain fluid leakage down the back of my spine. They then had to cut me and give use forceps to get Florence out. For the first 4 weeks I couldn’t stand properly as I had this epidural drip in.

Eve: How was Sadie’s birth (11:45)

Casey: For Sadie’s birth I chose a C-Section, and it was so much calmer. I know the recovery for a C-Section is bad as you are essentially being cut in half, but I recovered better from that.

Eve: Now going onto your yoga blitz, you have had the most amazing transformation all through yoga. Being in the public eye, did you feel the pressure to go back to your pre baby weight? (12:40)

Casey: I feel like being in the public eye there is always that pressure and there are some people that snap back but they are very far and in between. The majority of the people don’t, and I am one of those people. I find it really important to post that you don’t snap back, and I started my yoga blitz and my transformation, but I did them over time and in a healthy and steady way. It’s important for women to know it takes time and your body changes after having a baby. It’s taken 9 months for your belly to expand its not going to go back down after a week. I think it’s important for me to promote that body image.

Eve: You did get trolled after having Florence, which is disgusting. Did this spur you on? (13:58)

Casey: The trolls make me laugh, they don’t bother me, and it makes me laugh that they take the time to do that. You could read 100 lovely comments and 1 horrible comment but it’s always the horrible ones that stay with you. You have to feel sorry for these people, and they don’t mean anything.

Eve: After being a new mum only 3 years ago, what is your best advice for any new mums listening at the moment? (16:40)

Casey: It’s going to be tough, it’s amazing. I always say to people the first 2-4 months are the toughest as you are going to be very sleep deprived. Once you hit the 4 month mark, the baby starts to sleep more. Take every day as it comes. Don’t feel like you need to be this amazing mum as you are amazing anyway! Being a happy mum will make your baby happy.

Eve: What does motherhood mean to you? (17:59)

Casey: Motherhood means to me creating a lot of magical and amazing memories and filling your house with love.

Eve: Today you’re going to be speaking a bit about myfussyeater which is you’re Instagram and your journey of starting pick plates. Do you want to tell us about yourself? (0:36)

Ciara: Most people would have seen me on Instagram or come across one of my recipes. I am a mum of 2, my kids are 10 and 7 now.

Eve: Amazing, and your known as myfussyeater over on Instagram so do you want to tell me a bit more of what you do? (1:17)

Ciara: So, it’s sort of a resource of recipes for kids and families with tips of how to get kids eating better. It started with my own experience with my daughter when she hit the toddler stage, she became really fussy. I was struggling a little with advice on the internet. There is so much advice out there for the weaning stage, but I found when she hit the toddler stage there wasn’t so much. So, I decided to do it myself, and started the website and uploading recipes, talking about what I was doing.

Eve: What were your daughters’ habits of eating that made you want to start this? (4:14)

Ciara: I think it was more that I didn’t appreciate the work and the effort that goes into feeding a child, because we were really busy with work and she went to an amazing childminder. She went there from when she was 6 months old, so all her weaning was done with the childminder and she had 3 meals a day there, so I was quite removed from the process and felt I just picked it up at the weekends. When she was 18 months old and I was at home feeding her, 3 times a day, I didn’t appreciate the work that went into it. she wasn’t eating a large variety of food, and just wanted plain food.

Eve: What are your tips for fussy eaters or the reasons why children go into that stage? (6:15)

Ciara: The first tip I always say to people is relax and just take a step back. It’s something most kids go through at some stage. Try to introduce foods very slowly, they need routine and consistency in their life. Getting them involved is really good as well, getting them in the kitchen helping even if it is just making a sandwich. Try to break the routine if it’s not working, there is no point doing it over and over again.

Eve: They’re great tips. I know you have another Instagram called pick plates so could you tell us about how this started? (8:56)

Ciara: Pick plates came about as I realised when I was feeding my kids, they ate a lot better when the food was on divided plates. As the kids got older and they had more friends coming round, they others were the same as well. When I use to serve platters of food separately and they were nicely presented, the kids used to eat more and some of my friends would say so and so doesn’t eat this at home but has eaten it now. I could only get similar plates to the pick plates now around Christmas time and they were bad quality, so I thought why not make my own and it went from there.

Eve: going back to your children, I know you have been quite open with Finn’s diagnoses of Autism. Could you tell us a bit more about this diagnoses journey? (12:42)

Ciara: So, we realised quite early on there was some issues there after his 2nd birthday. We were lucky we had good support from his nursery and local GP and he was diagnosed a year later at 3 and half. It has meant for Finn that he went to a specialist school, which is amazing. He was non-verbal for a long time and now its incredible and he’s come on so much. It’s not easy for him at all and were so proud of him.

Eve: What does motherhood mean to you? (17:30)

Ciara: It’s amazing, it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I’m so happy I had my children and so grateful that I was able to have them. It’s a massive part of my life.

Eve: Thank you for joining us today on the podcast. So today we're chatting about your journey on having cancer and where you are now. So, do you want to start by introducing yourself and who you are? (0:30)

Helen: Hi I am Helen Addis and I am a features editor for the ITV Lorraine show and three years ago I was getting ready for work one morning I found a lump under my right boob. I wasn't worried because I don't have any family history of cancer, I’m relatively fit and well I don't drink that much. I did make an appointment to see the GP just to be sure and she agreed yes, it’s unlikely to be anything and is probably hormonal but let's get a consultant just to check it out. Two weeks later, I was in front of a consultant and another four lumps had grown, so I thought wow got to be hormonal because cancer doesn't do that does it. The consultant gave me a mammogram biopsy and an ultrasound and three days later I was back, and she said the words I never thought would come my way and that was that I had grade 3 breast cancer and I nearly fell off my chair. I asked what does grade 3 mean and basically there is no grade four, grade 3 means that it's the most aggressive it's the type that is hungry and wants to travel.

Eve: So, tell me what happened after that in the last three years? (02:35)

Helen: So when I was given that diagnosis it was a week before my 40th birthday and at that point in my life like I said earlier at my 3 little kids I was caring for a mum with dementia and and the thing that I was looking forward to most was my 40th birthday party. I had to cancel my party and instead it was five days later having a mastectomy. Then I started 16 rounds of chemo followed by 15 rounds of radiotherapy followed by 18 rounds of targeted hormone therapy. It was probably the hardest thing I think I’ll ever have to go through. The surgery was really lifesaving because it was travelling fast. Once they have done that to me they then send that off to be tested and they came back saying that it gone to my lymph nodes as well as had to then a week later go back in for further surgery to have all the lymph nodes removed on one side. Then it was a series of pet scans, CT scans, ultrasounds, blood tests, brain MRI just to see where else it in your body is. I'd really braced myself that it was going to be somewhere else but thankfully I came back with a full everything is clear everywhere else in my body, so I was extremely fortunate and had I not gone to the GP as soon as I did my story, we extremely different right now.

Eve: Yeah of course, I think that just sort of highlights how important it is to check yourself. How are you doing today? (05:24)

Helen: I am doing great now. I am checked every three months at the moment. I’m on a type of medication called tamoxifen which I have to have for the next 10 years it's a tablet I take every day, but the side effects are horrible. It’s a really incredible drug and it helps keep any cancer cells at bay.

Eve: How did the change and check campaign come about? (06:28)

Helen: I started the change and check campaign when I was having chemotherapy I would always call up a friend or family member. I would say to them you do check yourself don’t you, and 9 times out of 10 they no, they don’t know what they’re looking for, or their boobs are too big. Other people said they were too scared; they wouldn’t want to find anything. If I hadn’t had checked the outcome would have been very different. If a cancer diagnose can come to me, it could happen to anyone.So, I came up with an idea of a sticker, to be placed on retail changing room mirrors and also in gym changing rooms and it says in the time it takes for you to try that top on, you could check yourself for signs of breast cancer. I thought it was the perfect place for the sticker to be as you are probably in a cubicle on your own and you are most likely going to take your top off. I launched that 18 months ago now. It was launched in shops like John Lewis and Oasis and in some police forces and has also been talked about in Parliament. Since I launched it, I have had 48 women contact me now to say they have found their cancer early as a result of seeing one of the stickers. That’s only 48 I have heard from, there are probably more. But it just goes to show that you can never be too careful. I’m not trying to scare people, what we are trying to get people to do is to know what your normal is, because then if something does appear, you know it’s not normal and can get it checked out. The screening age for breast cancer is 50. I was 39. I think it’s really empowering to know your own body and to go with your gut instinct.

Eve: the work you do is amazing, and you’ve recently started something called the C List, do you want to tell us about this? (10:05)

Helen: So, when I was on treatment and I was told I was probably going to lose my hair and my skin was going to become very sensitive. They told me to really think about the beauty products I was going to use. I’m quite a practical person so I thought if I get my new shampoo, conditioner and body creams I’m going to feel a bit more prepared for chemo. When I was in the chemist, I picked up a shampoo and thought I’m not sure if I can use this, so I asked the shop assistant who asked her manager. She shouted, this woman’s got cancer, can she use this. I felt like such an alien. 1 in 2 people get cancer and I felt like nobody wanted to open their arms to me at a time I needed my war paint if you like, those pick me up things. I felt like doors were being closed in my face the whole time. So, this got me thinking, that there are products out there, but just nobody knows which ones to go for. So, what I’ve done is curated a website of beauty products which are cancer kinder. I have about 400 products on there. The idea of the website that it is more than just products, its tips and tricks, and things on how I told my kids, how to wear a headscarf and all that kind of stuff. With any profits I then make off the website, I give back and I gift someone some items.

Eve: I think when we think about cancer, you forget it affects your whole body as well. How did it affect you? (14:20)

Helen: With my treatment, I had terrific mouth ulcers to the point where I found it very difficult to speak some weeks. I was having to have my food and drink through a straw, and it was excruciating. Where I have no lymph nodes in my right arm, I have a very weak right arm. I don’t want to be a Debby downer on things, as I have had so much come out of my diagnosis as well. I’m here talking to you and spreading the word. It makes me appreciate life more and not to sweat the things that don’t matter as much.

Eve: What advice can you give to someone going through their cancer journey at the moment? (16:35)

Helen: I wish someone had said to me if someone is offering you help, take help and don’t feel bad for it. if you accept that help, you don’t need to figure out a way of repaying that person. The other thing I would say is, there is such a supportive cancer community on social and on Facebook. I didn’t want to be talking to my husband and kids daily about how scared I was, I needed to protect them. It’s alright to not feel alright.

Eve: What is your main mantra you live your life by and why? (20:00)

Helen: It would be just live life to the full. Live today like there is not a tomorrow because I was so nearly told there might not be a tomorrow which is a very scary position to be in. also, don’t spread yourself thin, hang out with those that love you dearly.

Eve: Do you think that the journey you have been on has changed your outlook on life today? (20:37)

Helen: you wouldn’t believe it. anything that was before my cancer diagnoses and I always think who are you? You have no idea what is winging its way to you and how much you are going to change. I look back at that person and I wouldn’t want to be them. I didn’t live life how I live it now.

Tahnee's Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/themindfulgriefcoach/
Her website on her hypnobirthing and pregnancy after loss courses - https://bumpandmind.com/home

Do you want to start by introducing yourself? (0:43)

Do you want to tell me about your journey to motherhood and starting a family? (2:45)

Did you embark on hypnobirthing before Gus or after? (5:30)

You had Gus, and then 2 years later did you start trying for another baby? (6:25)

Your labour wasn’t normal with Elvis was it, do you want to go into a bit about that? (9:55)

Can you talk about your stages of the grief in the days after and even today? (18:05)

Your very open about grief on your Instagram, speaking about Elvis and your posts are so eloquently written. What do you want the world to Elvis? (22:05)

Going back to your experience, how are you today? (24:40)

Do you want to tell me a bit more about what you do now in your career? (27:05)

How can anyone who is listening who has a friend or going though something similar support someone who is grieving? (30:55)

How does mindfulness help your grieving journey? (33:30)

Where can any of our listeners go to find out more about your courses and what you do? (36:35)

What does motherhood mean to you? (37:30)

What advice do you have for anyone grieving after baby loss (39:15)

Eve: Today we are talking to Katy from Slumber Tots from Instagram who is a certified baby and child sleep consultant. As well as sharing her top tips today she will be answering your questions we asked over on our Instagram last week.

Katy: I run Slumber Tots and I work with children from newborn up to 5 years old and help families to get more sleep. I am also a mum of two, Kian is 7 and Lily is 5 and I became a sleep consultant following my struggles with sleep deprivation when Kian was a baby.

Eve: So, you mentioned you’re a sleep consultant, how do become one and the journey of it? (0:55)

Katy: For a lot of people, it begins with their own sleep struggles and this was definitely the case for me. When Kian was born, he was quite a disturbed sleeper and things didn’t improve when he got older. I found myself not being the mum I wanted to be due to sleep deprivation, so I was exhausted all the time and I didn’t really know where to start and what to do to improve things. My sister recommended a sleep consultant and so we contacted her and after 3 nights Kian slept the night through for the first time in 8 months. That taught me that sleep isn’t something we should endure just because we are parents. So, because it was so life changing for us in 2016, I decided to train as a consultant myself. Since then, I have worked with nearly 500 families.

Eve: That’s amazing, what were you doing before you were a sleep consultant (2:25)

Katy: I was a bank manager and then I was a civil servant so I worked in central government.

Eve: Oh, wow so it was quite a big career change for you then! How common are sleep problems and what are the main causes of babies or toddlers not sleeping? (2:35)

Katy: The main reasons for babies and toddlers not sleeping are usually down to a handful of reasons, which are the structure to their daytime. You need to get the balance of a daytime sleep and also awake time. The right sleep environment and also how they are falling asleep, which can be one of the tricker elements to change. Babies sleep cycles are only around 45 minutes and when they come to the end of this sleep cycle they will wake up. If they used something external to get them to sleep such as rocking, feeding or a dummy, and it’s not there when they come to the end of that cycle, they will struggle to get to sleep and this is when they cry. Some babies may be able to sleep through several sleep cycles or some may wake up after everyone, it varies baby to baby.

Eve: What would you say your top 3 tips are for an easy night’s sleep? (04:15)

Katy: One of the simplest things you can do is using light and dark to your advantage, so going outside during the day in natural light is good for adults and babies, this can help to regulate your circadian rhythm. This will help you sleep better at night. Equally, with darkness, this helps to build melatonin at bedtime. This is a sleepy hormone. So, if you take your baby into a dim light room this can help them get ready for sleep. Also introducing a nice wind down routine whether that’s for naps or bedtime which can help your baby know what’s coming next. The same steps in the same order every day can help.

Eve: I guess this varies on age from newborn to toddler? (05:50)

Katy: As babies and children get older, newborns can manage 45 minutes to an hour awake. Then toddlers can manager 5-6 hours if they are still having a nap.

Eve: That’s some really great top tips thank you. We asked our audience some questions, so I will read these out now. Our first one is – when do you cut out white noise, I’ve got a 19-month-old and we have it on naps and night time. (6:30)

Katy: White noise can be really useful for newborns. It’s the noise of a static on the radio and background noise. It mimics the sound of the womb. The key thing if you are using it is to use it for the duration of the nap or at night, so it is consistent part of the sleep environment. It can be a good time to cut it out when your toddler stops napping as at night there is less noise, and you wouldn’t need it as much. It is a case of gradually turning it down every few days so they get less used to it

Eve: Our next question is how you manage two kids sleeping in the same bedroom. She has a newborn and a 3-year-old. (08:00)

Katy: If you can have both children sleeping well before they move into the same room this can help so they don’t disturb each other. If you have a newborn I would try to keep them in your room, it is quite common that they will need a feed overnight. The recommendation is to keep a newborn in your room until they are 6 months old.

Eve: Our next question is how do you get a baby to settle in their cot and not on you? (08:48)

Katy: Having a nice dark room for your baby for naptime and bedtime, putting them down when it is the right time, having a nice wind down routine to queue sleep. Having a sleep sac can also help. Practicing it and putting the baby down into the cot will let them know what will happen next.

Eve: The next question is my 15-month-old is transitioning to 1 nap and is really struggling and is overtired (10:25)

Katy: This is common with nap transitions and it will take 4-6 weeks to fully adjust to 1 nap. I would recommend moving bedtime a bit earlier so you avoid baby coming overtired and this can help in the short term. You could also try take them out in the car or the buggy for a quick 20-30-minute nap to take the edge off to keep them going through to naptime.

Eve: The next question is my daughter is 26 months old and stopped sleeping through the night, although she has slept for 12 hours plus since she was 7 weeks old. I am now 36 weeks pregnant, will this stop or will it get worse. (11:57)

Katy: Often sleep disturbances can be caused from sleep development. Around this age It can be linked to language development. If you can stay consistent with what you were doing before it should calm down in a week or two. I would try not to try anything new. You might also need to try increase wake time or cap their nap. When siblings come along it can be up and down but if its developmental it should calm down.

Eve: Do you find that when doing sleep consultancy, many kids have disrupted sleep when siblings come along? (13:30)

Katy: It can be the case as its dealing with change so it’s something different. There can be disturbances with naptime and bedtime. The baby crying can also affect the baby’s sleep.

Eve: The final scenario we have is he keeps waking at 5:30am with no need of food. What are your tips? (14:20)

Katy: There can be a few factors with early wakeups, with spring summer now, I would try make the room completely dark, so they don’t respond to light. I would also look at where the bedtime is, maybe moving it a bit earlier as early wakeups can be due to overtiredness. It can be a bit of trial and error.

Eve: Thank you so much for answering all of those questions. I think that will be really useful to people listening. What is your main mantra you live your life by and why? (16:30)

Katy: From my work I’ve learnt not to compare myself other people and other parents. Its really a work in progress but hard when you’re especially a new parent and you compare yourselves.

Shop the collection: https://www.mercimamanboutique.com/

Eve: Thanks so much for joining us Rosie, we are so excited to announce that you are the new face to our Solid Gold Collection which is launching tomorrow! What’s your favourite piece from the collection and what did you have engraved on it?

Rosie: The piece I have chosen is the Intertwined necklace because I have the gold plated version which I wear all the time, but I thought it would be nice to have the Solid Gold version as its’ just very special and I will keep it forever. I have Indie and Marley, my children’s names engraved on the bigger circle and Joe on the smaller one.

Eve: That’s lovely! Do you want to introduce yourself to our audience? (0:56)

Rosie: I’m a mother of two, Indie who is 2 and half and Marley who is 1. I’m a former model so it was nice to be back on set with Merci Maman. I’m pretty much a stay-at-home mum with my two babies and you may know me as the wife of Joe Wicks!

Eve: Yes, a lot of us know you from your modelling days and being married to Joe. How did you guys meet? (01:28)

Rosie: We actually met at a rave! My friend was married to his friend who was a DJ and met at the rave, which is a good story to tell our kids! We were just friends for ages, and we met up and actually decided to become a couple, we went full force and travelled the world together, got married and had babies!

Eve: Wow I did not know that! Now you have your two children Indie and Marley, how was your pregnancy with them both? (2:00)

Rosie: I’m one of those people who loved being pregnant, I did find it really exhausting but I was luckily enough to never suffer from any sickness. I would say my first pregnancy was very different as you are obsessed with it and its all you think about all the time, always on the app seeing what size your baby is! Then with my second pregnancy, I felt like it flew by. I didn’t think about it that much as a I was so distracted looking after my first baby. I loved being pregnant though and wearing tight tops to show off my bump!

Eve: Aw nice! Being in the public eye, did you feel any pressure becoming a mother with social media nowadays? (03:18)

Rosie: There are great things about social media, but it makes you feel judged and people compare themselves a lot. I don’t personally post that much on social media, but I feel like if I did, then I would feel a lot more pressure. I feel like with motherhood and parenting people can be a lot more judgemental and opinionated. I think you have to be careful with what you say. I’m one of those people who looks at social media lot more than posts. I go through phases and sometimes forget it exists! I now unfollow people that don’t make me feel good as I think Instagram should be for inspiring you, not making you feel unhappy.

Eve: Yeah, we have had people on the podcast before saying Instagram can be a place where you make lifelong friends, but it can also be a place where it makes you feel crap. How would you describe your parenting style? (05:05)

Rosie: I think I’m a laidback parent but I’m the strict one out of us both. The kids know not to ask me for something and to ask dad and that he will give in and I won’t. I try to make sure that if I say no to something, that I stick to it because they learn so quickly that you’re going to give in. It’s hard to stick to it as it is so easy to give in to them.

Eve: What have been the highs and lows of motherhood for you? (06:10)

Rosie: I feel like being a parent every single day is constant ups and downs. I feel like just getting out the house is very stressful but then 15 minutes later were in the park and everyone is happy and then 10 minutes later its stress again! I try to see the highs in normal everyday things as I know when I’m older that is what I’ll look back on and miss, like bath time, bedtime and reading books, things like that. The hardest thing and the biggest low are the sleep deprivation. When I had my babies, I feel like in the morning you have this adrenaline and you just get up for the day and your fine. Then when they are 6 months old it gets a lot harder and your body can’t cope with it anymore.

Eve: Our yearlong campaign this year is called My Motherhood and it celebrates all kinds of motherhood. Who do you look up to in life and what does Motherhood mean to you? (08:05)

Rosie: Motherhood to me is all I’ve ever wanted. I still find it so fascinating that we created human beings and we are raising them to be adults one day. I look up to my friends and other mums I know and my mum! I am always admiring other mums and learning more every day on how they parent.

Eve: Is how you were brought up, similar to how you parent now? (09:15)

Rosie: I’m actually very different to my mum, we’re best friends and I see her practically every day, but I think our mothering styles are different. I’m quite laid back and I’ll let the kids do things and my mum will be like why are you letting them do things, that’s so dangerous! I do say things to the kids though and think omg I am turning into my mum, so we probably are a bit similar.

Eve: What’s the best advice you can give to new mothers? (10:15)

Rosie: Mine is to always accept help and I think you should ask for help when you need it. I’m really lucky to have both of our parents nearby so can accept help when we need it as you do need a break. The other thing is to not go crazy reading forums especially when you’re feeding your baby in the middle of the night.

Eve: You and Joe are very fit parents, after having kids did feel any pressure to “snap back into shape”? (12:03)

Rosie: I recently tried to do a pull up as I thought I could never do one, and I actually surprise myself I could do about 4. I realised it because I’m always carrying a heavy toddler in my arms! I think there is always pressure to “snap back”, especially when you see pictures all of these LA mums and you do feel the pressure. Realistically, you have just grown an entire human being in your body and given birth, it takes time. I’m quite luckily enough to have my mum’s genes where I did quite quickly get my old body back. The most important thing is to just not compare, and everyone is different.

Eve: Yes definitely. I think the first thing you need to think about is becoming a mum. Last year you and Joe inspiring the nation with your daily PE lessons. Did you ever imagine it would be as big as it was? (14:45)

Rosie: At that time I feel like everyone had a good mentality about it and we thought in a couple of months it would be back to normal. I never in a million years thought it would go on for as long as it did or be as big as it is. I’m really proud of Joe, he works so hard and no matter how he felt he got up and did it in the morning.

Eve: You must have inspired so many people, it was hitting headlines all the time the views kept going up. So many parents must be so grateful for you out there for doing it.

Rosie: Yes, and I think a lot of adults appreciated it as it gave them some routine and encouraged people to get out of bed. It was a good way to start your day off.

Eve: My personal favourite bit was when Joe let one rip! (16:40)

Rosie: I knew you were going to say that, It’s so gross! I don’t think it would have been so funny if it wasn’t the way he did it. the velocity at the end when he is so desperate to get it out.

Eve: How did you feel when you saw it over all the papers? (17:10)

Rosie: The funny thing is I never look at any newspapers or anything so I wouldn’t have known, but I know Joe is so embarrassed when he farts in front of me anyway. He sent me the link and said he was mortified, and I don’t think he released how big it was going to get so he thought he just had to own it. Its more embarrassing to pretend it doesn’t happen. Its mostly kids doing PE with Joe, so they all probably thought it was hilarious.

Eve: What are you looking forward to when the world goes back to normal? (18:30)

Rosie: I’m looking forward to so much, I’ve already booked 4 dinners for when we are allowed out. The main thing I’m looking forward to is travelling. I’m just excited to take the children to different countries. I feel sorry for Marley as his entertainment every day is going for walks, we haven’t been able to go to any baby classes or soft play.

Eve: Where is the first place you plan to go on holiday to? (20:00)

Rosie: I’m too scared to book anything yet and I’m going to wait to see what were allowed to do. I think in the summer it’s nice to go to Europe, but one of my favourite places we went to when Indie was a few months old was Costa Rica, so I would love to go back there. We have house in Santa Monica in the US so I’m really looking forward to going back there as well.

Eve: What is the main mantra you live your life by and why? (21:05)

Rosie: Work hard, have fun and be nice. It’s so simple but so true.

Eve: You have been fabulous, thanks so much for coming on!

https://www.instagram.com/goodlucknic/
https://www.youtube.com/c/GoodLuckNic/videos

Eve: Today we are speaking to Alice about Type 1 Diabetes. Do you want to start telling us about yourself? (0.30)

Alice: I have been a Type 1 diabetic since I was about 11. I have been married for 6 years now and live in a little village in West Sussex. I have two daughters, Matilda who is 2 and Florence who is 3 months old, a lockdown baby!

Eve: How did you find out you had diabetes? (1:15)

Alice: I’m type 1 diabetes, which is more common whilst in childhood and a young age. There are 3 main types of diabetes that people have heard of, but there are so many others. When I was diagnosed, I was very lucky, I was very sporty, but my mum picked up on the symptoms and did a home test kit on me to test my blood sugars. The diagnoses happen very quickly, I went to the doctors and hospital the next day. A lot of symptoms are weight loss, tiredness, vision blurring. I was a sporty 11-year-old and was always losing weight and being tired.

Eve: What are the three main types of diabetes you mentioned? (4:00)

Alice: The differences are mainly how it comes around. Type 1 is an autoimmune disease where your body attacks yourself and you require insulin. There is no cure. Type 2 is more common in adults. It’s more of a lifestyle thing. This is where your body doesn’t use insulin correctly. Then there is gestational diabetes which is what a lot of pregnant women get during their pregnancy. For the majority it is temporary and when the baby is born the diabetes goes. There is also Lada diabetes, which is a form of type 1. It can take 3 or 4 years for the symptoms of this type to appear. There is Neonatal diabetes as well which is from birth. This can come and go, or it can stay.

Eve: Wow, I honestly didn’t know there was so many types! How does your type 1 diabetes impact your life day to day? (6:35)

Alice: In every way possible. I think deep down its really best to embrace your diabetes. When I was younger, I was really unwell with my diabetes. I had an appendix and any form of an infection if you have diabetes is not good, and so I was in intensive care for a bit.

Things like stress, illness, exercise can change your levels without you doing anything to them. Food is really big thing when being diabetic, you have to carb count. You have to work out your ratios of insulin and over how many hours this is. It can be very overwhelming. I’m very positive about my diabetes and I’m proud to be diabetic. It made me grow up at a young age and become independent.

Eve: You said you ignored it in your teenage years, what do you mean by this? (10:15)

Alice: Most diabetics should test their blood sugars 8-10 a day and inject every meal. I never just used to inject, I would eat chocolate. My mum used to ask my how my diabetes was, and I would say they are fine, well knowing that I hadn’t checked in about 2 or 3 days. There was a result of being like this and I became very very unwell.
Eve: So now you look after your diabetes very well, but how do you stay positive every day? (11:30)

Alice: I think one of the things that helped me was the advance in technology. Having a flash glucose monitor was really useful. Just looking at my phone to see what my sugars are doing on a graph and not having to prick my finger all the time makes it a lot easier. I’m on an insulin pump and it’s just a disc that sticks to the skin. All I have to do is just type in how much insulin I need at mealtimes.

Eve: You now have 2 children, and you have been open with your fertility struggles. Could you tell us more about this? (14:20)

Alice: At the time, I kept it to myself and it’s not till after that I shared things about this. We tried to conceive for about 4 years after getting married. With my health and other issues there was this debate whether I had polycystic ovaries or endometriosis. There were these background issues and not falling pregnant and miscarriages. I spoke to my GP and she said she thought there could be some issues. She referred me to a specialist to get things checked over. To this day I think we could have been stuck in the system if we hadn’t been referred so quickly. She was invested in me and my health. We had what is known as unknown fertility struggles, they didn’t know what was wrong. After several months to nearly a year we were sent down to a fertility clinic where they said hormone treatments might help. We went through IVF and had 2 failed rounds. We decided we would have one last try and we couldn’t afford to not go through the NHS as that can get very pricey. We knew we had 17 weddings coming up, so we took a break. Then the next month we found out we were pregnant with Matilda! It was a very difficult pregnancy, for at least the first 20 weeks I was worried whenever I went to the toilet there would be blood. Any tweak or pain I thought the worst. We always talk about Matilda as our miracle baby.

Eve: That’s so great! What about Florence? (18:20)

Alice: Florence was natural. We got to thinking about having a second child and thought we may have to go down the IVF route. We thought about trying and then fell pregnant within 2-3 months. We were both shocked! I’m so happy to have both of my girls now.

Eve: How was your pregnancy and birth with both of them? (19:00)

Alice: Let’s just put it this way, I have a very good relationship with my diabetes nurse and after Florence they both said, don’t do this again to us! Both were very high-risk pregnancies, and both needed a lot of monitoring. They were very touch and go the whole way through. Matilda’s birth was deemed trauma and there are open cases with the hospital about ways it was managed. And a very emotional pandemic birth with Florence. I’m really lucky I have two healthy girls at the end of it.

Eve: Did your pregnancy impact your pregnancy other than it being monitored all the time and high risk? (20:35)

Alice: All diabetes is deemed into a high-risk category. You need a lot more appointment and higher up people. I had a team of 6 medical professionals around me supporting me. You have the maximum number of scans. My appointments were 3 or 4 hours long. With Matilda’s pregnancy my body took a battering, but she was born perfectly at 35 weeks. Her birth was really difficult, both mine and her stats kept dropping. There were lots of complications and ended up being a forceps delivery. She stopped breathing and needed to be resuscitated. She was taken straight up to the special baby unit. We had Christmas that year in the special baby unit, the hospital made it very special. She came on very quickly and we were only in hospital for about a week with her. We came home on new year’s at 10pm.

Eve: How did you recover mentally from all the trauma? (26:20)

Alice: I didn’t it in all honestly. I swept it up under the carpet and kind of forgot about it for a while. The hospital did their own investigations, but I didn’t that. I was happy, I had my daughter. I put it all down to my diabetes nurse, she is so supportive and positive. It all came flooding back when I gave birth to Florence. She was a planned C- Section at 37 weeks. I remembered the sounds, noises and the smells of how it was before. I thought at the time that I wasn’t over this.

Eve: What’s your main mantra you live by and why? (30:00)

Alice: It’s going to sound a bit negative but, prepare for the worst as anything else can be a positive.

Eve: Thanks so much for coming on, it’s been so informative and eye opening.

Eve: Today we are going to be talking about body positivity, which is on-going topic, not only in motherhood but in the media for many years and it is not discussed enough. Tell us about yourself!

Cliona: I work with mums who struggle with their body image and I help them like their bodies so they can raise their kids to be body confident. I do this through a program called body positive parenting. I get mums who are hiding under their baggy clothes and get them to feel confident in a bikini in family photos.

Eve: What’s your journey into becoming a body positivity coach and was there a defining moment for you?

Cliona: It’s hard to imagine now, but I used to really dislike my body. If you have a look at my Instagram, I have no problem in showing my cellulite or stretch marks or anything now, I’m really confident in my body. But years ago, I had a really bad relationship with myself and I don’t think I realised how bad it was. What happened was I had to have an operation on my jaw as I had a side bite. I knew for years I was going to have to have this operation as I couldn’t bite properly. I was very uncomfortable with my weight at the same time, so I thought if I lost weight and had this operation done, I thought I would look so great and my life would be sparkly and magical. The diet industry promises us that once we lose weight, life will become amazing. So, I lost a ton of weight, had the operation and I now have screws in my face because of this and I didn’t feel any different after. I suddenly had a wakeup call that this is not how I look, this is how I feel about myself. This is when I took my own journey and started to embrace who I am.

In later years I decided to change what I was doing. I had been working in social media and communications, but I retrained in coaching to work with people on body image. Everyone kept coming to me with the same story. This was that when they were a child someone said to them you have a big head, or your fat or they have thick legs or whatever it might have been and how this had impacted their body image. At the same end of this I had mums telling me they didn’t want their kids to feel the same way that they felt about their body. It became clear to be that it was mums I needed to help, and they could teach their kids to be body confident themselves. That’s how I got to where I am now and what I do.

Eve: it seems like such an amazing job and fulfilling as well. What are some ways our listeners can improve their body image?

Cliona: This is the think I give to every client, and it’s not going to take you any time or cost you anything. I call it mirror magic. What I want everyone to do is to start smiling at your reflection. Start smiling at yourself when you look in the mirror or when you’re walking down the street and get a glimpse of yourself in the store front and when you turn on your camera and the front camera accidentally comes on and you look like a thumb! I want you to smile at yourself. There is a logic to this. When you smile, even if it is a forced smile, it releases serotonin, so you feel good. So, if you smile at yourself every time you see yourself, you will feel good and overtime you associate seeing yourself with feeling good.

Eve: It’s as simple as that?!

Cliona: This is so simple but will completely change your relationship with how you feel about yourself. If we treated our friend the same way we treat ourselves when we look in the mirror, no one would want to be our friend, so why are we doing it to ourselves? Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you look good and maybe even give yourself a wink! Start having a good relationship with the mirror.

Eve: I think that is a really good tip for everyone to start doing! On the other hand to this, what are some ways that society can improve?

Cliona: There is a lot of things out there in the world so that they can sell us something or promote something. People out there said let’s create a problem so we can sell a solution to people. The one thing we can do in society to make things better is to stop posting things on social media that can be a bit triggering. Some examples of this are spreading memes and jokes about gaining weight, posting about detox teas and even before and after pictures. Be aware of this, it’s not good for you and it’s not good for people looking at it either.

Eve: Yes, I completely agree, and I think people would have been guilty of that at some point in their life. With talking about social media, we have had mums on the podcast saying they find themselves comparing themselves to other mums. What are your top tips for the mums?

Cliona: There is a term I came up with that really embraces all of this and I call it sh!tspiration. If you find yourself looking at an account for mums that makes you feel bad because every time they post photos they are perfect, unfollow them. Your Instagram feed is yours, if it makes you feel bad unfollow them. Follow stuff that makes you feel good instead.

Eve: I love Daisy May Cooper on Instagram. She is hilarious. If anyone is not following her, I suggest you do. She is so real and just fab!

Cliona: That’s good quality stuff to look at! Step away from the bad stuff and step towards the good stuff.

Eve: Why are mums so important in forming their children’s body image?

Cliona: To all the mums listening, you are Beyonce even if you don’t feel like it! You are the influencer and queen of your house and your kids see you that way. As kids grow up, they start to notice more and more things, if they see you dieting and working out all the time they start to think this is normal. Social media and the magazines are secondary, what happens at home is primary.

On the other side, if the mum is at home telling herself that she looks good in the mirror, feels confident wearing a bikini to the beach, the kids will start to get the message that bodies are good. If we are always looking at the flaws in others, we are going to look at the flaws in ourselves.

Eve: what would you say to the mums out there that have had their kids say they are not happy with their body?

Cliona: Tell them to shut up and listen! Let them get it all off their chest about who made them feel that way and you just listen. Your child’s feelings about their body are very valid so let them talk it out. Then start telling them what you like about yourself and what they like about others and themselves.

Eve: What’s your main mantra you live by?

Cliona: There is one thing I say to myself and I say this every day, its I’m perfectly imperfect. It’s a way for me to give myself some self-compassion, which we all could do with. I’m good enough as I am, and I deserve to be kind to myself.

Eve: Yes, I think everyone needs to be a little bit kinder themselves. Thanks so much for coming on!

Eve: Today I’m joined by Ali Byatt from @im.winging.it.too to speak about her journey to motherhood and also her journey to adoption. Ali adopted 4 years ago and today she documents her family life over Instagram.

Ali: I’m 39, the big 4 – 0 this year, hopefully out of lockdown. I became a mum in 2016 we adopted our 2 children; they were brother and sister and they came to us at the same time and it flipped our lives upside down in the most amazing way. It was also challenging at some points as well. I started my Instagram to find other families that have adopted. I think social media gets quite a bad rep but if you keep your boundaries it can be some type of therapy and a powerful thing to support you.

Eve: We have actually had a few people on the podcast saying they have found friends on Instagram that they would not have found otherwise. It’s really lovely. What’s your journey to motherhood?

Ali: I had a number of operations when I was younger that means that my lady parts weren’t working as they should. I put children on the back burner as I was very carer driven and worked in early years. I met my husband 11 years ago and he was 7 years younger than me and children wasn’t really on the cards.

A really good friend of mine, her father passed away and we were very close with him and this shifted things into perspective. I had always thought about adoption and it would have been something I would have considered even if I could have children naturally. I have some issues with hospitals from operations in the past and I thought I could not physically put myself through the IVF process. It took us about 18 months to be approved as adopters. The second profile of the children we saw, I just knew they were for us. We only got approved for a toddler and one child, so we had to get re approved for siblings. We’ve had to learn a lot about how we parent as some children can come with a lot of trauma from spending time with their birthparents.

Eve: How long did the adoption process take?

Ali: We registered as adopters in February 2015 and it consist of 3 phases. The first phase is information gathering, you have a medical and then phase 2 is training.

Eve: How did you find this emotionally?

Ali: I buried a lot of emotions about things up until the children moved in and about 6 months after. I hadn’t realised how my infertility and my relationship with my father had both affected me. After 6 months of the children moving in I started to experience panic attacks and anxiety so I sought therapy. I made things much more difficult for myself than necessary and I also thought these children need perfection because of what they had experienced previously coming to me. The thing I’ve learnt the most I can teach them is emotion regulation and resilience. With my son if we feel like things are rising he goes and blows bubbles at the back door as we know it regulated his breathing again. I’ve learnt I need to go a lot easier on myself. From working with children and being with children, I thought I knew a lot more than I did.
Eve: That’s not a bad thing to admit! Its self-learning and self-realisation.

Ali: I’m quite a placid person and I’ve never met people that can wind up my buttons like my children can! We all love the bones of each other and know how to make each other happy but we also know what winds each other up.

Eve: What was it like the first time you met your two children?

Ali: I remember the exact moment. They were at their foster house and we had to drive a long way to meet them. We walked up the drive and my son had this big smile which I now know is actually his very scared smile. He was waving at the window and my daughter was clinging onto the foster carer. The introduction happened and then they came home with us 10 days later.

Eve: How did your children take to you in those first few weeks?

Ali: They did take to us really well, my son Thomas called me Mummy from the moment he met me. Tiggs wasn’t talking and walking yet and the second day she did stay with the foster carer. The first time she touched me we were playing in the sand and she touched my hand, and I was really trying hard not to cry.

Eve: How are you today?

Ali: Today we are ok, we miss our space. I was furloughed most of the year which was a blessing as the kids were at home, so I needed to be around. Thomas is transferring to a new special school at the moment where he will hopefully get on better as he didn’t like his previous school. I miss my friends at the moment, I’m a very sociable person, but Instagram is good at this! We’re very lucky to be honest, we live by the sea and we have found lots of walks to go on the beach and in the woods. We got a new dog in March and he’s perfect, the children both love him.

Eve: What advice would you give to people starting the adoption process or have thought about it before?

Ali: I would 100% recommend adoption. I would go onto Instagram and follow all the UK adoption communities. If you do decide to start the process is to take as much time for yourself as when the children come, they’re is not that much time for yourself. When going through the process you find a lot out about the children and what they have been through and you feel a lot of sympathy for them. I think it’s really important to change this into empathy. Your children need you to look after yourself so you can look after them in the best possible way.

Eve: What does Motherhood mean to you?

Ali: It means everything! Although parenthood is challenging its helped me improve everything about myself. Motherhood to me is realising you are worth fighting for and changing for as well as just your children.
Eve: Who do you look up to in life and why?

Ali: Definitely my mum. She is just amazing and is there for me no matter what. She was a single mum and has raised me and my brother really well. I don’t think I would have got through without her. She’s everyone’s mum and you can talk to her about anything!

Eve: What is your main mantra you live your life by?

Ali: There isn’t such a thing as a perfect mum or perfect woman, your flaws are what make you. If I hadn’t had gone through what I went through when I was a child, I wouldn’t be the mother to the children I am. If you ask yourself who’s asking yourself to be perfect, it’s probably your own mind.

Eve: You have been amazing, so interesting. Thank you!

Beth's Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/bethsandland/
Zoe's Book - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pregnancy-After-Loss-day-day-ebook/dp/B08572VWXF

Eve: Today were speaking to Beth from @bethsandland about her journey of motherhood in particular her experience of two miscarriages. Do you want to start by introducing yourself?

Beth: I'm 25 and I live in south London with my husband. We got married in October and we had a tiny pandemic wedding. I am a lifestyle Blogger and pre pandemic I did travel blogging. We spent all of 2019 abroad which took us to lots of places and it was incredible. We spent a lot of time in Australia and really fell in love with it. We also went to Sri Lanka which I didn’t know much about this before and now I should be on some kind of commission for the tourists. If anyone asks where to travel, I always say there as it suits any traveller!

Eve: I actually went to Sri Lanka in 2019 as well, it was incredible! The people are so friendly and happy to help, I would love to go back. As a brand this year and our campaign we are really trying to cover all journeys of motherhood. What’s your journey to motherhood?

Beth: I first found out I was pregnant in November 2019, it was unplanned and felt like a blessing, it was perfect timing. We had just returned home from that 12-month trip. You had been on this whirlwind time and you’re back home doing the dishes and putting the bins out. Being pregnant was our next adventure! I then had a missed miscarriage which was diagnosed at a scan and it was a complete shock. I knew about miscarriages from the internet but like most people, I never thought it would happen to me. It shook my world going to the scan and someone saying there is going to be no baby. I didn’t know how to process this, and the grief was very real. There is still a lot of stigma attached to it and people think why has this happened to me, I’m the only one to have experienced this. If you asked your friends and they were really honest, you would find this is something a lot of women go through.

Eve: The statistics do say 1 in 4 women will experience this in their lifetime, which is huge.

Beth: We really battled with the loss and this happening twice. We had made room in our hearts to extend our family and then it’s all gone again. There is very much a stigma and a lot people say things which they think are well meaning that are fundamentally unhelpful. It’s the at least’s, the at least you weren’t further at along, at least your young and it makes you wonder whether there was a baby and whether you can grieve. There is a lot of seeking validation to see people that had gone through it and now working. No matter what anyone says when you find out your pregnant, you start planning and having a date in the diary for 9 months’ time.

It completely changed our priorities and we needed a few months to recover emotionally. I had the D&C surgery to ‘manage’ the miscarriage. The pandemic took away all my coping mechanisms. I was just starting to work and going out socialising with my friends. We weren’t sure what impact the virus would have on pregnancy. We started trying again in the summer and I fell pregnant again quickly, but this ended up in an early bleed. This was a very different feeling to the first time around. I was much more preoccupied whether there was anything wrong with me.

Eve: Did you find it any easier to cope with because you had been there already?

Beth: Maybe, it wasn’t as much as a shock and not nearly as traumatic as the first miscarriage which was further along. It was very upsetting, but I could cope with it more. We decided to have a break after having a more negative tests and we got married and we were focusing on planning a pandemic wedding. We took the pressure off and the universe had very different plans as I’m now 7 months pregnant.

I sought therapy after the first miscarriage. One of the things I told the therapist was that I worried pregnancy would never be a surprise again and would always be planned and tracking cycles. It’s the trying to conceive that no one talks about. It was so lovely in the summer to find out I was pregnant again; I remind myself each day that I’m a day closer to meeting our baby.

Eve: As you said miscarriage is a very tough subject for people. As suffering 2 miscarriages yourself, has this changed your outlook on life?

Beth: It changed my outlook and my priorities. We’re not in control you can only plan so much. When people ask the where do you see yourself in 5 question, you can influence things, but you can’t plan out your life.

Eve: When I was younger, I used to say I’m going to get married at x age and have a baby at x age and when you get older there are different factors and your life changes a lot. You are an amazing advocate for support over on Instagram and are very open speaking about your experiences. How did it affect you and also your partner as well?

Beth: Seeking therapy was good for me since I was grieving deeply. It took time for me to think it was ok that I was feeling the way I was. My husband was very open with me about it, which is very important as men sometimes get forgotten about with their feelings about a pregnancy. We really did communicate well as a team.

I decided to share online after some time as it felt like the right thing to do and to reflect. It felt impossible to ignore. I would go to hit the publish button 5 days in a row as I didn’t know how this would be received. A lot of the support I have received has been online and is invaluable. I get messages from people opening up telling me they have not told anyone what they are going through.

Eve: Where would you advise people to go to, if they are struggling today?

Beth: The Saying Goodbye charity run by Zoe is all about baby loss, her and her charity have time for anyone. She has a few books which have been really helpful to me. Tommy’s charity is also brilliant, and I have spoken to them. There are a lot of charities out there where you can talk to them without having to pick up the phone. I think writing it down and getting it off your chest is a good thing to do.

Eve: What does motherhood mean to you?

Beth: My perception of motherhood has changed a lot, I’ve learned that you don’t have to have a baby in your arms to be a mum. I think there is a clear stereotype of a mum being at home with a baby. Motherhood can be in different forms its whatever you make it. I know amazing women who don’t have their children with them due to loss but they are still very much mothers.

What a family looks like is not the 2.4 linear model anymore. You can be a family without children. My husband and I are already a family, I think a family is what you choose for it to be.

Eve: How’s your pregnancy been so far, I know you’re getting closer now, has this been a smooth journey for you?

Beth: Health wise it’s been a straightforward pregnancy with no complications. It has not been physically tiring but mentally for the first trimester I was always on high alert and super anxious. It took me a long time for me to think that this is a baby we are going to bring home with us.

I break things down into milestones, so I can tick things off as we get closer. I needed to get by day by day. Where we are at now is planning the nursery and talking about names. Everyone’s journey is different, but I have found that in the scope after loss it does get easier.

We have started hypnobirthing recently. I sent her an email before being really honest saying I don’t have any fears around labour, but I’m was scared I won’t bring my baby home from the hospital. Since then, we have done a couple of sessions and it has really helped improve my headspace, I feel a lot calmer.

Eve: What is the main mantra you live your live by?

Beth: I would say every day is a new day and take it as it comes and think this applies to all areas of life. The sun rises every day and time keeps going. It’s the one constant we can rely on.

Eve: Thanks so much for being very open, I found it incredibly interesting!

Today we are speaking to Leah Black on her journey to becoming a mother. We will be discussing her fertility journey of IUI and IVF and also her amazing decision to donate her eggs.

Eve: Do you want to start by telling us a little bit about your family?

Leah: My name is Leah and I’m 30 years old. My husband Kevan is originally from Liverpool. We met when I was working in a pub and got married a couple years later. We knew we wanted to have a family and seven years down the line we had still had no luck. That’s where our journey started, after a couple years of trying we knew something wasn’t right and wanted to know what was the problem.

Eve: So you now have two beautiful girls! Twins called Hallie and Harlow. I would love to hear more about that.
Leah: We had a chat with our doctor about our options and he referred us to the assisted reproductive unit here in Jersey. We only have one hospital on the island! They started doing tests and small operations to see if there was anything wrong. They tested my husband’s sperm as well but they couldn’t pin point the issue. So, we began with the basic clomiphene tablets which you take to boost your ovulation and helps to conceive. We tried this for a year and it didn’t work. We then introduced a trigger shot which you take to make you ovulate. It’s one injection and then they tell you to try but it again didn’t work. We then moved on to treatments like IUI which is a step down for IVF. We can’t do IVF in Jersey as we don’t have the facilities or the doctors. The doctors were certain we didn’t need IVF as there was nothing specifically wrong with either of us and I had plenty of eggs.

Eve: What’s the process of IUI?

Leah: So, all of the medication is similar to IVF but with IVF your eggs are removed and fertilised with the sperm in a lab. Whereas with IUI, they don’t take the eggs out of the women, they just take the sperm and insert it near the egg. It is very similar to a smear test feeling. It kinda gives a boost for the sperm.

Eve: How many rounds of that did you do?

Leah: I think I did about 8 or 10. You can try every cycle.

Eve: Gosh that must have been so intense emotionally to have to go through it that many times and every single month.

Leah: Yeah, the hard part is when each month you think your pregnant. I started almost making up symptoms in my head, like oh my boobs are hurting but then I’d go and take the test and it would be negative. Its honestly shattering and I became a shell of the person I was before I started trying. It got the point where I said it’s just not working and I can’t keep doing this. I said to the consultant that enough is enough, I need to do IVF. We don’t have the NHS in Jersey so we would have to fund it all ourselves, including the flights and hotels to London.

Eve: How many rounds of IVF did you need?

Leah: I was finally lucky and got pregnant on my first round. I remember the day so well. With the treatment, I retired 29 eggs which is massive and I actually decided donated half of these. I thought if I could help someone who is going through the same pain as me then I had too. So, I ended up with 14 eggs and 6 of those were fertilised and we ended up transferring two back – the highest-grade embryo and the lowest-grade as I wanted it the eggs to transfer through me regardless as I didn’t like the idea of them just being thrown in the bin.  One of these ended up being one of my girls so it was pretty crazy to think they were willing to discard of that embryo.

Eve: How long was it after you had your first round of IVF to know you were pregnant?

Leah: They tell you to wait about 10 days to two weeks before doing a test. I got to day 4 and couldn’t sleep; it was 4am on a Sunday and I took a test and it was positive! I put the test down thinking it won’t be positive, like there’s just no way. I ran up to my husband and turned the lights on and shouted I am pregnant!! We just cried for hours.

Eve: How did you know you were pregnant with twins?

Leah: After the 10 days you have to go into the clinic to have your bloods taken. My levels were really high so they knew I was definitely pregnant. I had an early scan at 7/8 weeks but at about 6 weeks I began to bleed. My husband took me into hospital and scanned me straight away and without the doctor even saying anything I looked at the screen and said we are having twins! The doctor said there are two sacks but don’t get your hopes up as they haven’t formed yet. Technically they weren’t even a baby yet. At my next scan we saw we had two babies in there! I knew it was a possibility but I didn’t think it would have happened.

Eve: it is actually amazing that you tried for so long and then two bundles of joy appeared. I think it was fate!

Leah: Me too! Looking back now, I could never understand why I wasn’t given the blessing of being a mum but now I know my girls weren’t ready for me just yet.

Eve: It was your path! Did they ever find out why you couldn’t have kids naturally?

Leah: Never. Our consultant says our case just blows his mind as everything with both of us was great.

Eve: What advice would you have for other women who are going through the same thing?

Leah: My main advice would be to talk to people. At the beginning I kept it all in and I thought I could handle it but I really couldn’t. This is how my Instagram started as I wanted to find people who were going through the same thing. There are a lot more people than you think who are going through it.

Eve: You’ve probably also found so many friends and support bubbles even through it.

Leah: I’ve met some of my closest friend through going IVF.  They have become my rocks! I know I was very lucky for my 1st IVF to work and know so many who are on their 4th or 5th and my heart breaks for them. I know how hard it is and my advice is just to try to talk about it as much as you can; my dms on Instagram are always open.

Eve: I know you said before you donated your eggs, what was your decision for doing that?

Leah: We’d always thought about it. It’s the same process as IUI and I knew that I was creating quite a lot each month. They asked me when I went to the IVF clinic in London if I was interested in it and offered me a reduced IVF if I were to donate my eggs. It would mean that my IVF would only be half of the cost. It was a big decision, I had to have counselling and it was quite brutal come to think of it. I had to write a letter to my potential future children and a note about why I decided to donate them for a future family so they could match them accordingly.

Eve: Do you know if they have been used?

Leah: I contacted the clinic after the girls were born to find out and the 15 eggs that I donated were split between two couples. Unfortunately, none of them were successful. When I found that out I cried because I was sad for those couples but I was also relieved on my side and maybe it was for the best as I would have spent my life wondering about them.

Eve: It’s sort of bitter sweet in a way.

Leah: There was an agreement that I had to sign that from the age of 18, if the child wanted to come and see me, they could.

Eve: Gosh what a massive but amazing decision.

Leah: I wish I could have helped another family out and stop another person feeling the pain I felt.

Eve: It’s an amazing story. How was your pregnancy with the girls – were you more anxious?

Leah: Definitely, but I was so lucky with my pregnancy, it was a breeze! I was definitely worried as I wanted them so badly. I had a C section for the girls so knew what day they were coming and I was out of hospital in 2 days.

Eve: What is the main mantra you live your life by and why?

Leah: I think after everything I went through mentally for those 7 years, I want to just live my life for my girls and show them how to be strong. I wasn’t and I can admit that. My husband even when my girls were born was like I finally feel like I have my wife back. It made me realise I was lost for so long and a shell of the person I used to be. Now I want to be happy for my girls and show them not to crumble when life gets hard. No one is perfect and I would hate for them to grow up thinking they have to be a certain way.

Eve: Leah you have been amazing! You have told the most amazing story and you will inspire so many women.

Jade's blog - https://notyouraveragefamilyblog.com/

Christie: Hi Daisy, thank you so much for joining us today. Do you want to introduce yourself and your family?

Daisy: Hi, I’m 24 and I live in London and last year I had a cryptic pregnancy. I have a 10-month-old daughter now.

Christie: We came across your Instagram after your chat on BBC women’s hour where you discussed your cryptic pregnancy. Can you explain what this is?

Daisy: Like many people I did not know what it was and had never heard of it before, it’s quite rare and doctors are not used to seeing it really. A cryptic pregnancy is where a woman does not know she is pregnant for 20 weeks or further. In my case it was 30 weeks which is very far into a pregnancy. People can also suddenly give birth and not have known they were pregnant.

Christie: How did you find out?

Daisy: I was working in central London, living a busy lifestyle was feeling completely myself, I couldn’t tell you one thing that was different about the way I felt. I was on birth control as well so it was not a question in my mind that I could be pregnant.

One day I came back from work after a super busy day and was just lying on my bed and I felt the strangest feeling and would describe it as if there was an alien in my stomach. It was so out of the blue; I didn’t think I was pregnant at first. I didn’t tell anyone as I was so gobsmacked. It was very late at night and I did not have a pregnancy test at all. So, I just went to sleep and thought I would deal with this in the morning and see if it continues. The next morning on my way to work I brought 3 pregnancy sticks. I still didn’t tell anyone, not even my boyfriend as I didn’t want to freak him out if it was nothing. I went to work that day and took the 3 pregnancy tests throughout the day and they all came back with one very strong line and one very faint line and I didn’t know what this meant. I went back to my desk to know what this meant and read that no matter how faint the second line is, your definitely pregnant. I was then very freaked out and had no clue how far along I was.

I then called up the doctors for an emergency appointment and at this point I had still not told anyone. I was trying to sleep that night but kept worrying how far along I was as I realised the baby was basically doing somersaults. I was googling it and it said you don’t feel movement in your stomach till you’re at least 6 months pregnant. I went to the doctors the next day and they asked me if I hadn’t realised my bump. I thought I was just putting on a bit of weight. They then did an ultrasound and confirmed I was 30 weeks pregnant!

Christie: Oh my goodness! What was your first reaction when you first saw the positive pregnancy test

Daisy: It was a complete shock and denial. I had been on the pill and was unaware of the thought of being pregnant. It was much younger than I would have chosen to be a mum.

Christie: How did your boyfriend react?

Daisy: I was so scared to tell him, it felt like re living that first reaction all over again. We had spoken about having kids but not for 5/6 years down the line. I told my mum first of all and shouted down the phone that I needed her help. I kept saying to her how do I tell him; I can’t tell him. I texted him saying can you come and see me at the end of the day, I need to tell you something. He came to my house and I got him to stay in the car. I got in his car and I explained the whole thing and ended it by saying so yeah were going to have a baby in 2 months’ time. He literally looked like a deer in headlights and didn’t know what to say. He then came into my house and my mum calmed him down. He was much more calm and ready than I was for a long time. I was so lucky that I had such a supportive partner and still do.

I would work during the week and then each weekend we would do something to prepare ourselves like buying a pram, buying a cot. With an impromptu baby shower as I well I suddenly had everything you need for a new baby. We were meant to move into a flat 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant, but we pulled out of this and I decided to stay at home. We crammed everything in quickly and it was not too stressful.

Christie: How did your family and friends react?

Daisy: I was so lucky, there was nobody that was angry or rude to me. It is a crazy story to tell but I got such an outpour of support from everyone. My mum is my rock and has been so good to me. My partners family were amazing as well.

Christie: That is incredible, we’ve seen a couple of other cases of cryptic pregnancies on social media where people haven’t been the kindest to them. Have you received any form of criticism over your cryptic pregnancy?

Daisy: In my personal life, I have had 99% support from everyone. I know there are some people that talk about me about the pregnancy, and I don’t blame them I would have lots of questions if it was someone else. I want to put my story out there and explain how this can happen, I’m keen to spread awareness. Since putting my story out, I’ve seen strangers comment “As if this happened, you’re lying”, and you just think they were not there, and have no idea what happened.

Christie: You mentioned your pregnancy was very smooth and that caused you not to notice the pregnancy. Did you have any complications with the birth?

Daisy: In my first scan they said the baby was very healthy. At one point they did think my baby could have had down syndrome because she had a big head and short legs. But I thought she would be fine as I’m a short girl myself so I thought my baby would have short legs. When they took further tests, they found the baby did not have down syndrome. The doctors were finding it hard to estimate a due date since they were not able to track my last period. They had to measure the baby by the baby’s head.

When it came to my due date it came and went, I did not have any symptoms of labour. I then was induced a few days later. For a long time during my labour, they couldn’t find her heartbeat which was stressful. After a day of being in labour they told me to have an emergency C- Section and when she came out her cord was wrapped round her next twice and that I was right she was probably about 3 weeks younger than the doctors thought. I then stayed in hospital for a few days to help her put on weight.

Christie: looking back, what do you wish you now know

I didn’t know how strong the connection would be that I would have with the baby. I thought I would be back at work within a month of being off. I had no idea that I was going to become unbelievably obsessed and have so much love for the baby. Now I’ve gone back to work and in the office it’s a lot harder than I ever thought.

Christie: Thanks so much for sharing your story!

To seek support, please visit SANDS: https://www.sands.org.uk/