https://simplecast.com Mormon Marriages Join Angilyn and Nate Bagley as they capture the real-life stories of amazing LDS couples, and learn the principles and tools of how to have an incredible Eternal Marriage from LDS marriage experts. If you want a marriage that makes you look forward to eternity... this show should be in your feed! en Thu, 10 Mar 2022 13:00:00 +0000 Sat, 2 Apr 2022 19:07:15 +0000 https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com Mormon Marriages https://image.simplecastcdn.com/images/012ae067-0b18-4f38-8c45-036f8133565e/a349dba7-7e01-4707-917d-90c113e7d906/3000x3000/mormon-marriages-logo.jpg?aid=rss_feed https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com episodic Join Angilyn and Nate Bagley as they capture the real-life stories of amazing LDS couples, and learn the principles and tools of how to have an incredible Eternal Marriage from LDS marriage experts. If you want a marriage that makes you look forward to eternity... this show should be in your feed! Angilyn and Nate Bagley no https://feeds.simplecast.com/ONRN_74n angilyn bagley, ask a mormon sex therapist, celestial marriage, latter-day saint, lds, marriage, mormon, mormon marriages, nate bagley Mormon Marriages nate@mormonmarriages.com ffd8368d-f997-4697-9f9d-7465fcf04633 The Four Horsemen Of The Apoclaypse Dr. John Gottman has spent the last 4 decades studying what makes marriages succeed or fail. Through his research, he discovered 4 specific behaviors that, if left unchecked, will result in the destruction of any marriage.

These 4 behaviors are known as The Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse.

Today, we're going to share with you what the Four Horsemen are, how to recognize them, and what to do about them if they're present in your relationship.

If you want to learn more about Dr. Gottman's work, we recommend his book, The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work. It's fantastic!

]]> Thu, 10 Mar 2022 13:00:00 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/the-four-horsemen-TfAXHl6L Dr. John Gottman has spent the last 4 decades studying what makes marriages succeed or fail. Through his research, he discovered 4 specific behaviors that, if left unchecked, will result in the destruction of any marriage.

These 4 behaviors are known as The Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse.

Today, we're going to share with you what the Four Horsemen are, how to recognize them, and what to do about them if they're present in your relationship.

If you want to learn more about Dr. Gottman's work, we recommend his book, The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work. It's fantastic!

]]> The Four Horsemen Of The Apoclaypse Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley 00:50:14 These 4 behaviors are scientifically proven to result in the demise of your relationship. If you don't know what they are, you might be headed towards divorce without even knowing it. These 4 behaviors are scientifically proven to result in the demise of your relationship. If you don't know what they are, you might be headed towards divorce without even knowing it. marriage, 4 horsemen, four horsemen, john gottman no full 57 35aef68c-04e8-446d-9e12-8161e88b3c84 An Introduction To Boundaries Thu, 17 Feb 2022 07:00:00 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/an-introduction-to-boundaries-m26QDAoe An Introduction To Boundaries Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley 01:01:32 The concept of Boundaries is not something we talk about in Sunday School. It's not a merit badge, or a young women's value. But without boundaries, our marriages will not flourish and thrive like we want them to. So, today we're going to give you an introduction into the concept of boundaries. What are they? How do they work? Why are they important? How do we set them? And how do we enforce them? The concept of Boundaries is not something we talk about in Sunday School. It's not a merit badge, or a young women's value. But without boundaries, our marriages will not flourish and thrive like we want them to. So, today we're going to give you an introduction into the concept of boundaries. What are they? How do they work? Why are they important? How do we set them? And how do we enforce them? no full 56 fac2eb1e-0cd9-4f9e-9165-1601652f7bdc The Two Types of Marital Conflict Thu, 10 Feb 2022 12:00:00 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/the-two-types-of-marital-conflict-Q8tKxJLV The Two Types of Marital Conflict Mormon Marriages 00:58:53 Did you know there are actually two types of conflict in marriage? Some conflict, like what to eat for dinner tonight, is resolvable conflict. The rest of our conflicts - 69% to be exact - are unresolvable conflicts, like what to do if you're an early riser, and I'm a night owl. Or if you're fastidious and I'm cluttery. If you try to solve an unsolvable problem, you're just going to get more upset and frustrated. (Each type of problem requires its own skillset.) So, today we're going to talk about those two types of conflict, and how to handle them differently. Did you know there are actually two types of conflict in marriage? Some conflict, like what to eat for dinner tonight, is resolvable conflict. The rest of our conflicts - 69% to be exact - are unresolvable conflicts, like what to do if you're an early riser, and I'm a night owl. Or if you're fastidious and I'm cluttery. If you try to solve an unsolvable problem, you're just going to get more upset and frustrated. (Each type of problem requires its own skillset.) So, today we're going to talk about those two types of conflict, and how to handle them differently. no full 55 f7de9918-ebc1-413a-a851-6fc3d43565fc How To Create A Marriage That Can Withstand Any Trial Thu, 3 Feb 2022 12:00:00 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/how-to-create-a-marriage-that-can-withstand-any-trial-byUiWDW5 How To Create A Marriage That Can Withstand Any Trial Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley 00:53:07 How do you create a marriage that can withstand any trial? And let's be honest, we want to do more than merely survive... we want to THRIVE, even amidst the struggles of life. God didn't give us marriage to endure. It's to enjoy. And that's what we'll show you how to do today. How do you create a marriage that can withstand any trial? And let's be honest, we want to do more than merely survive... we want to THRIVE, even amidst the struggles of life. God didn't give us marriage to endure. It's to enjoy. And that's what we'll show you how to do today. no full 54 78db5c6d-fae4-42f1-b030-589f09687fc5 The Purpose Of Your Marriage Thu, 27 Jan 2022 12:00:00 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/the-purpose-of-your-marriage-Wzp5lHec The Purpose Of Your Marriage Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley 01:00:32 This episode is a recording of a live marriage preparation class Angilyn and I taught as part of our calling with the YSA Ward. This week's lesson was on the purpose of your marriage... ie: why we get married. The answer might not be what you think... This episode is a recording of a live marriage preparation class Angilyn and I taught as part of our calling with the YSA Ward. This week's lesson was on the purpose of your marriage... ie: why we get married. The answer might not be what you think... no full 53 378b8d96-b832-4b48-aae4-2db912770268 Busting Common Cultural Marriage Myths Thu, 20 Jan 2022 12:00:00 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/marriage-myths-QE2Tbl2R Busting Common Cultural Marriage Myths Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley 00:53:01 There are tons of really stupid, damaging marriage myths that we get told growing up. If we try to act out on those marriage myths as if they are true, they do SO much harm. Today we're going to talk about some of the more common marriage myths, and how to avoid falling into their trap. There are tons of really stupid, damaging marriage myths that we get told growing up. If we try to act out on those marriage myths as if they are true, they do SO much harm. Today we're going to talk about some of the more common marriage myths, and how to avoid falling into their trap. no full 52 19b978f3-2c84-472c-afd9-6e1d27a5a2bd Want An Epic Marriage? There's An App For That! Check out Dan's Intimately Us app at IntimatelyUs.com

]]> Thu, 13 Jan 2022 12:00:00 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley, Dan Purcell) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/theres-an-app-for-that-XVPnQk5k Check out Dan's Intimately Us app at IntimatelyUs.com

]]> Want An Epic Marriage? There's An App For That! Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley, Dan Purcell 00:46:18 We sit down with Dan Purcell, creator of the Intimately Us app, and talk about ways we can improve emotional and physical intimacy within our marriages... and how his awesome app can help! We sit down with Dan Purcell, creator of the Intimately Us app, and talk about ways we can improve emotional and physical intimacy within our marriages... and how his awesome app can help! no full 51 236fdfa9-e6e5-4bfe-961b-7525172a1a55 Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist #32 Wed, 24 Feb 2021 07:00:00 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/ask-a-mormon-sex-therapist-32-ik_8a0O_ Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist #32 Mormon Marriages 00:47:01 Join us for another awesome conversation with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife! In this episode we delve into questions about exploring what arouses you, dealing with conflicting desires, and frustrations around female orgasm. We hope you enjoy the conversation! Join us for another awesome conversation with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife! In this episode we delve into questions about exploring what arouses you, dealing with conflicting desires, and frustrations around female orgasm. We hope you enjoy the conversation! no bonus f59f9f9a-7b24-461b-8e39-eb49ad9d1fa3 E50 - Power of a Shared Dream with Kory & Heather Kory Fluckiger and Heather McKinnon are work from home, school from home, and birth from home kind of people. Kory is an artist. Heather is an artist, social worker, and stay at home mom. They both volunteer for the American Red Cross High School Leadership Camp and would love to tell you about it!

]]> Sat, 5 Dec 2020 18:00:00 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e50-power-of-a-shared-dream-with-kory-heather-V_YVArCn Kory Fluckiger and Heather McKinnon are work from home, school from home, and birth from home kind of people. Kory is an artist. Heather is an artist, social worker, and stay at home mom. They both volunteer for the American Red Cross High School Leadership Camp and would love to tell you about it!

]]> E50 - Power of a Shared Dream with Kory & Heather Mormon Marriages 01:00:22 "The noblest aim in life is to strive to live to make lives better and happier. The most worthy calling in life is that in which man can serve best his fellow man." - David O. McKay "The noblest aim in life is to strive to live to make lives better and happier. The most worthy calling in life is that in which man can serve best his fellow man." - David O. McKay no full 50 4342db84-dd0f-4cd4-b581-85d58a1342fe E49 - Continuing the Porn Conversation with Dr. Cam Staley Thu, 15 Oct 2020 18:35:23 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e49-continuing-the-porn-conversation-with-dr-cam-staley-E7afes7a E49 - Continuing the Porn Conversation with Dr. Cam Staley Mormon Marriages 00:50:49 We need to have more compassion and understanding in our marriages - for ourselves and for our partner. There are a lot of things that enter our relationships from our pasts. We need to realize that it is going to take some time to perfect this dance. Sometimes they’re going to step on your toes, and sometimes you will step on theirs. When we do that, let’s try to give each other some feedback and support. It can quickly turn to blame and anger - ‘you stepped on me and that really hurt!’ Most often there is not malicious intent, yet people still get injured. We get hurt and our expectations get betrayed. There is a lot of emotion and discomfort and fear. It’s here that we need to start from a place of, ‘my partner is probably doing their best even though they aren’t a great dance partner yet. Maybe I’m not a great dance partner yet either! I thought I had all the moves and I don’t. How can we learn how to dance together?’ — Dr. Cameron Staley We need to have more compassion and understanding in our marriages - for ourselves and for our partner. There are a lot of things that enter our relationships from our pasts. We need to realize that it is going to take some time to perfect this dance. Sometimes they’re going to step on your toes, and sometimes you will step on theirs. When we do that, let’s try to give each other some feedback and support. It can quickly turn to blame and anger - ‘you stepped on me and that really hurt!’ Most often there is not malicious intent, yet people still get injured. We get hurt and our expectations get betrayed. There is a lot of emotion and discomfort and fear. It’s here that we need to start from a place of, ‘my partner is probably doing their best even though they aren’t a great dance partner yet. Maybe I’m not a great dance partner yet either! I thought I had all the moves and I don’t. How can we learn how to dance together?’ — Dr. Cameron Staley no full 49 bed59bde-7308-487d-b484-cf4e64d0f6e9 Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist #31 QUESTION #1

My wife and I have been married for several years.  Arousal used to come easily, but in the past two years, severe depression has taken its toll on my libido.   When it's not depression, it's chronic fatigue.  Arousal now takes far more effort than it used to.  I've found that things like roleplay and reading erotica have helped to overcome these hurdles.  These are things we've done and enjoyed in the past, but have become more prevalent during the times of depression, as they seem to provide a shortcut to arousal.  This is helpful because, as a normally high drive person, I want to want it, even if the body doesn't react as freely.  I don't require them for arousal, but arousal doesn't happen on its own as much anymore.

The problem is that my wife has put on weight in recent years, and she is often convinced that my lower libido is due to this.  She often feels like the roleplay is my way of pretending she was in better shape, or a different person.

How can I help her to know that it's a depression issue, and that my roleplays & erotica are being used to "jump start" my libido, and are not meant to replace her?  How can I help her to not feel threatened by them?

QUESTION #2

Thank you for all that you do! My husband and I are huge fans of Jennifer Finlayson-Fife! We have taken her courses and they have changed our lives for the better! We have been married 11 years and have 2 small children.

I am currently pregnant with our third child. While my husband and I have made great strides in our sexual relationship and I have taken monumental steps to claim my sexuality, I feel that my pregnancy has made me regress. I am so thankful to be able to carry children, but I do not feel sexually aroused while pregnant. My husband is so kind and tells me I’m beautiful, so the problem is not how he sees me. The problem is how I see myself. I tend to gain a lot of weight during pregnancy, which then takes me about a year to lose. With the weight gain, the fluctuating emotions, and how tired I become, sex is just not something I am interested in. Body image is a huge factor in this.

I would like to be more intimate with my husband, without feeling anxiety about my changing body. How can I feel sexual while pregnant? I’m sure I’m not the only woman who feels this way!

QUESTION #3

I only learned about Joseph Smith’s polygamy, the doctrine of polygamy as explained in the scriptures and it’s extent in our temple dealings about 15 years ago. It has had a profound effect on how I view myself, my marriage and God. I am fearful of dying and resent this view of women.

When I ask family or friends how they cope with this they say they just don’t think about it or say they know in the next life we’ll be perfect. I find myself trying to be perfect so I don’t get replaced. Can you help me move past this fear so I can more fully enjoy my marriage?

]]> Fri, 21 Aug 2020 18:00:10 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/ask-a-mormon-sex-therapist-31-U2aXiLgs QUESTION #1

My wife and I have been married for several years.  Arousal used to come easily, but in the past two years, severe depression has taken its toll on my libido.   When it's not depression, it's chronic fatigue.  Arousal now takes far more effort than it used to.  I've found that things like roleplay and reading erotica have helped to overcome these hurdles.  These are things we've done and enjoyed in the past, but have become more prevalent during the times of depression, as they seem to provide a shortcut to arousal.  This is helpful because, as a normally high drive person, I want to want it, even if the body doesn't react as freely.  I don't require them for arousal, but arousal doesn't happen on its own as much anymore.

The problem is that my wife has put on weight in recent years, and she is often convinced that my lower libido is due to this.  She often feels like the roleplay is my way of pretending she was in better shape, or a different person.

How can I help her to know that it's a depression issue, and that my roleplays & erotica are being used to "jump start" my libido, and are not meant to replace her?  How can I help her to not feel threatened by them?

QUESTION #2

Thank you for all that you do! My husband and I are huge fans of Jennifer Finlayson-Fife! We have taken her courses and they have changed our lives for the better! We have been married 11 years and have 2 small children.

I am currently pregnant with our third child. While my husband and I have made great strides in our sexual relationship and I have taken monumental steps to claim my sexuality, I feel that my pregnancy has made me regress. I am so thankful to be able to carry children, but I do not feel sexually aroused while pregnant. My husband is so kind and tells me I’m beautiful, so the problem is not how he sees me. The problem is how I see myself. I tend to gain a lot of weight during pregnancy, which then takes me about a year to lose. With the weight gain, the fluctuating emotions, and how tired I become, sex is just not something I am interested in. Body image is a huge factor in this.

I would like to be more intimate with my husband, without feeling anxiety about my changing body. How can I feel sexual while pregnant? I’m sure I’m not the only woman who feels this way!

QUESTION #3

I only learned about Joseph Smith’s polygamy, the doctrine of polygamy as explained in the scriptures and it’s extent in our temple dealings about 15 years ago. It has had a profound effect on how I view myself, my marriage and God. I am fearful of dying and resent this view of women.

When I ask family or friends how they cope with this they say they just don’t think about it or say they know in the next life we’ll be perfect. I find myself trying to be perfect so I don’t get replaced. Can you help me move past this fear so I can more fully enjoy my marriage?

]]> Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist #31 Mormon Marriages 01:03:22 "Seldom are we broken. There’s just something we haven’t yet learned that would allow us to be more free. The courage to pursue a truer view is rewarded with the joy of living in greater truth." - Jennifer Finlayson-Fife "Seldom are we broken. There’s just something we haven’t yet learned that would allow us to be more free. The courage to pursue a truer view is rewarded with the joy of living in greater truth." - Jennifer Finlayson-Fife no bonus c2d159ba-b8f9-4c3f-bcc3-b3eb3b5366d8 E48 - Off Balance On Purpose | Learning to juggle all of life's roles with Rachel Nielson from the 3 in 30 Podcast In this episode of the podcast, Rachel Nielson from the "3 in 30 takeaways for moms" podcast joins us to talk about life's crazy balancing act!

From wife, mother, ward calling holder, podcast host and business owner (just to name a few), Rachel has a lot of hats to wear! She knows firsthand the chaos that can come from attempting to juggle all of life's roles and responsibilities. 

The conversation we have is real and raw and beautiful. You don't want to miss it! 

Check out the 3 in 30 podcast to hear more incredible insights from Rachel and her guests!

]]> Tue, 23 Jun 2020 16:30:16 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e48-off-balance-on-purpose-learning-to-juggle-all-of-lifes-roles-with-rachel-nielson-from-the-3-in-30-podcast-tU0eTcot In this episode of the podcast, Rachel Nielson from the "3 in 30 takeaways for moms" podcast joins us to talk about life's crazy balancing act!

From wife, mother, ward calling holder, podcast host and business owner (just to name a few), Rachel has a lot of hats to wear! She knows firsthand the chaos that can come from attempting to juggle all of life's roles and responsibilities. 

The conversation we have is real and raw and beautiful. You don't want to miss it! 

Check out the 3 in 30 podcast to hear more incredible insights from Rachel and her guests!

]]> E48 - Off Balance On Purpose | Learning to juggle all of life's roles with Rachel Nielson from the 3 in 30 Podcast Mormon Marriages 00:52:34 "I felt like the Lord was telling me, ‘I created you the way you are for a reason. You have these gifts and these desires and these skills because I put them there in you. It’s not wrong to follow those. In fact, it’s fulfilling the measure of your creation.’ I do believe that it is a parent’s (both a father’s and a mother’s) primary responsibility for the nurture of their children, and a huge part of that is finding nurturing opportunities for them. I’m the facilitator of the nurturing and the education that happens in my children’s life. I do not have to be the only one doing the nurturing." — Rachel Nielson "I felt like the Lord was telling me, ‘I created you the way you are for a reason. You have these gifts and these desires and these skills because I put them there in you. It’s not wrong to follow those. In fact, it’s fulfilling the measure of your creation.’ I do believe that it is a parent’s (both a father’s and a mother’s) primary responsibility for the nurture of their children, and a huge part of that is finding nurturing opportunities for them. I’m the facilitator of the nurturing and the education that happens in my children’s life. I do not have to be the only one doing the nurturing." — Rachel Nielson no full 48 07e73530-bebc-44f0-9942-a7273887a0c1 E47 - "Our Way" Marriage Plan with Jonathan Sherman, LMFT | The vital importance of premarital and early marital counseling When we asked Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Jonathan Sherman what he would want if he could be granted one professional wish, his answer surprised us at first.

"I would want everyone to participate in premarital or early marital counseling."

As the conversation went on, it became obvious why!

In this episode of the podcast, Jonathan paints a picture of just how big of an impact this would have on not only our relationships, but on our society for generations to come. 

He shows us how having a simple "Our Way" marriage plan can set a couple up for not just a "good" marriage that doesn't end in divorce, but an amazing and enviable marriage you never thought possible.

Regardless of what stage your relationship is in, get ready for some serious "Ah Ha" moments!

]]> Mon, 8 Jun 2020 15:32:10 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e47-our-way-marriage-plan-with-jonathan-sherman-lmft-the-vital-importance-of-premarital-and-early-marital-counseling-D8cmvSMe When we asked Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Jonathan Sherman what he would want if he could be granted one professional wish, his answer surprised us at first.

"I would want everyone to participate in premarital or early marital counseling."

As the conversation went on, it became obvious why!

In this episode of the podcast, Jonathan paints a picture of just how big of an impact this would have on not only our relationships, but on our society for generations to come. 

He shows us how having a simple "Our Way" marriage plan can set a couple up for not just a "good" marriage that doesn't end in divorce, but an amazing and enviable marriage you never thought possible.

Regardless of what stage your relationship is in, get ready for some serious "Ah Ha" moments!

]]> E47 - "Our Way" Marriage Plan with Jonathan Sherman, LMFT | The vital importance of premarital and early marital counseling Mormon Marriages 00:58:23 "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" - Benjamin Franklin "Why isn’t this something that more people do? They think they don’t need it. They say, 'Oh, we don’t have any problems.' It’s the stigma and mindset that counseling is only something you do when you’re screwed up. You don’t need to have problems to go to premarital counseling any more than you need to be stupid to go to college. A prevention mindset says 'Hey, I’d like to know what it is I don’t know.'" - Jonathan Sherman, LMFT "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" - Benjamin Franklin "Why isn’t this something that more people do? They think they don’t need it. They say, 'Oh, we don’t have any problems.' It’s the stigma and mindset that counseling is only something you do when you’re screwed up. You don’t need to have problems to go to premarital counseling any more than you need to be stupid to go to college. A prevention mindset says 'Hey, I’d like to know what it is I don’t know.'" - Jonathan Sherman, LMFT jonathan sherman, prevention, marriage, stigma, premarital counseling, marriage envy, marriage and family therapy no full 47 7f6daba1-cc33-4a98-9636-979e187ac1ce E46 - An Antidote to the "Almost Life" | Tapping into your Super Human Nature with Seth Ellsworth Wed, 20 May 2020 17:37:48 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e46-an-antidote-to-the-almost-life-tapping-into-your-super-human-nature-with-seth-ellsworth-LirFws3A E46 - An Antidote to the "Almost Life" | Tapping into your Super Human Nature with Seth Ellsworth Mormon Marriages 01:04:21 "Buried in your humanity is a jewel - a gift from God. It is the strongest force in your life. There is no stronger force that you could use for good in your life then this: Your human nature has one single motive - to fight for what it deems as normal. It will fight to a degree that you cannot win. So, what do you do? Simple. Redefine what’s normal. All of a sudden, your human nature will work FOR you, instead of against you. This idea of controlling and creating what is normal is everything." -Seth Ellsworth "Buried in your humanity is a jewel - a gift from God. It is the strongest force in your life. There is no stronger force that you could use for good in your life then this: Your human nature has one single motive - to fight for what it deems as normal. It will fight to a degree that you cannot win. So, what do you do? Simple. Redefine what’s normal. All of a sudden, your human nature will work FOR you, instead of against you. This idea of controlling and creating what is normal is everything." -Seth Ellsworth no full 46 0fb2d9ba-ae9f-4857-8d7c-e8aec4a2fe76 E45 - Balancing Sacrifice and Self Care with Dr. Julie de Azevedo Hanks Dr. Julie de Azevedo Hanks is a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and coach with over 28 years experience specializing in women’s emotional health and relationships. She is the founder and director of Wasatch Family Therapy, an outpatient therapy clinic in Cottonwood Heights and Bountiful, UT, and serves as an assistant professor of social work at Utah Valley University.

In addition to authoring two books, The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide for Women, Dr. Hanks is a blogger on Latter-day Saint Cultural issues, a speaker, a local and national media contributor, an online influencer, a private practice consultant, and an award-winning performing songwriter.

A native Californian, Hanks currently lives with her family in Sandy, UT. For additional resources visit DrJulieHanks.com or connect with @drjuliehanks on social media.

]]> Tue, 12 May 2020 16:31:10 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e45-balancing-sacrifice-and-self-care-with-dr-julie-de-azevedo-hanks-8CUYvLFp Dr. Julie de Azevedo Hanks is a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and coach with over 28 years experience specializing in women’s emotional health and relationships. She is the founder and director of Wasatch Family Therapy, an outpatient therapy clinic in Cottonwood Heights and Bountiful, UT, and serves as an assistant professor of social work at Utah Valley University.

In addition to authoring two books, The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide for Women, Dr. Hanks is a blogger on Latter-day Saint Cultural issues, a speaker, a local and national media contributor, an online influencer, a private practice consultant, and an award-winning performing songwriter.

A native Californian, Hanks currently lives with her family in Sandy, UT. For additional resources visit DrJulieHanks.com or connect with @drjuliehanks on social media.

]]> E45 - Balancing Sacrifice and Self Care with Dr. Julie de Azevedo Hanks Mormon Marriages 00:52:45 “We often think of Christ’s life as the ultimate sacrifice - which it is - but we overlook that He practiced self care. He took time alone, He napped, He ate, He would be with people and then would take time away. We have to balance that. If we don’t invest time in developing our sense of self, we can’t be ‘self-less.’ We wouldn’t have anything to offer.” - Dr. Julie Hanks “We often think of Christ’s life as the ultimate sacrifice - which it is - but we overlook that He practiced self care. He took time alone, He napped, He ate, He would be with people and then would take time away. We have to balance that. If we don’t invest time in developing our sense of self, we can’t be ‘self-less.’ We wouldn’t have anything to offer.” - Dr. Julie Hanks emotional maturity, mindfulness, sacrifice, dr. julie hanks, latter-day saints, self care no full 45 33b1f301-c012-41f7-b73c-a67954df763c E44 - Surviving Quarantine with Dr. Dave Schramm Known as “Dr. Dave” on campus and across the country, Dave Schramm is an associate professor and family life extension specialist at Utah State University in the department of Human Development and Family Studies. After graduating with his Ph.D. from Auburn University, he worked as a professor at the University of Missouri for nine years. 

Since arriving at USU in 2016, he has been appointed by Governor Herbert to serve on Utah’s Commission on Marriage, he appears on television monthly on Fox 13’s “The Place” and he shares tips and videos on social media to help individuals, parents, and couples thrive in their life journeys.

From British Columbia to Beijing, China, and from St. Louis to San Diego, Dr. Dave has given over 500 presentations, classes, and workshops to a variety of audiences, including the United Nations and a TEDx talk in Florida.

He married his high school sweetheart Jamie, they have four children, he loves peanut M&Ms J, and the Schramm fam lives in North Logan, Utah.

]]> Mon, 20 Apr 2020 17:45:22 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e44-surviving-quarantine-with-dr-dave-schramm-CIe10Rml Known as “Dr. Dave” on campus and across the country, Dave Schramm is an associate professor and family life extension specialist at Utah State University in the department of Human Development and Family Studies. After graduating with his Ph.D. from Auburn University, he worked as a professor at the University of Missouri for nine years. 

Since arriving at USU in 2016, he has been appointed by Governor Herbert to serve on Utah’s Commission on Marriage, he appears on television monthly on Fox 13’s “The Place” and he shares tips and videos on social media to help individuals, parents, and couples thrive in their life journeys.

From British Columbia to Beijing, China, and from St. Louis to San Diego, Dr. Dave has given over 500 presentations, classes, and workshops to a variety of audiences, including the United Nations and a TEDx talk in Florida.

He married his high school sweetheart Jamie, they have four children, he loves peanut M&Ms J, and the Schramm fam lives in North Logan, Utah.

]]> E44 - Surviving Quarantine with Dr. Dave Schramm Mormon Marriages 00:39:37 “Resilience, in my mind, is found in eight simple words; Search inward, turn outward, look upward, press forward.” -Dave Schramm “Resilience, in my mind, is found in eight simple words; Search inward, turn outward, look upward, press forward.” -Dave Schramm no full 44 75cef2e1-cd3f-4e89-babf-7f512e16abe9 E43 - Baby Bagley's First Trimester In this episode of the podcast, Nate and Ang give an update on all things baby!

They talk about the ups and the downs of first trimester, what they've learned individually and as a couple, and what they wish they would have known beforehand.

Enjoy!

]]> Fri, 3 Apr 2020 16:32:30 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e43-baby-bagleys-1st-trimester-P1yfJB4L In this episode of the podcast, Nate and Ang give an update on all things baby!

They talk about the ups and the downs of first trimester, what they've learned individually and as a couple, and what they wish they would have known beforehand.

Enjoy!

]]> E43 - Baby Bagley's First Trimester Mormon Marriages 00:37:51 "I had to learn to allow myself to simultaneously feel the gratitude, hope, and excitement of being pregnant and becoming a mom, while at the same time allowing myself to say, ‘This vomiting sucks,’ or, ‘I’m exhausted,’ or, ‘My body doesn’t feel like mine right now.’ It seems like it should be one or the other, but it’s totally okay to give space to both sides of the emotions at the same time." - Angilyn Bagley "Here’s what I wish someone would have told us before we got pregnant. I wish they would have to me to wake up every morning and say out loud, ‘You’re wife is pregnant, she has tons of hormones in her body, and she’s growing a baby. Be patient with her, and remind her that her only job is to eat food that will stay in her stomach and rest.’ I wish they would have told you that it’s okay if pregnancy does’t look like what you thought it would. You might not be miserable, but you might be miserable.... You might not get nauseous, but you might get nauseous... Don’t go into it expecting everything to be perfect." - Nate Bagley "I had to learn to allow myself to simultaneously feel the gratitude, hope, and excitement of being pregnant and becoming a mom, while at the same time allowing myself to say, ‘This vomiting sucks,’ or, ‘I’m exhausted,’ or, ‘My body doesn’t feel like mine right now.’ It seems like it should be one or the other, but it’s totally okay to give space to both sides of the emotions at the same time." - Angilyn Bagley "Here’s what I wish someone would have told us before we got pregnant. I wish they would have to me to wake up every morning and say out loud, ‘You’re wife is pregnant, she has tons of hormones in her body, and she’s growing a baby. Be patient with her, and remind her that her only job is to eat food that will stay in her stomach and rest.’ I wish they would have told you that it’s okay if pregnancy does’t look like what you thought it would. You might not be miserable, but you might be miserable.... You might not get nauseous, but you might get nauseous... Don’t go into it expecting everything to be perfect." - Nate Bagley miscarriage, pregnancy, mormon marriages, first trimester no full 43 73779f43-79f1-4581-8756-540f0b58a10e E42 - Marriage on a Tightrope with Kattie & Allan Mount Kattie & Allan Mount are the co‑hosts of Marriage on a Tightrope, a podcast dedicated to navigating a mixed‑faith marriage. Kattie and Allan met in the MTC and both served missions in Barcelona Spain. They were married shortly after Allan returned. 

In 2017, Kattie and Allan suddenly found themselves dealing with Allan’s decision to distance himself from the church. Frustrated with the lack of support, Kattie suggested they go public about their situation by starting a podcast. 

Kattie loves all things Disney, and is PTA president of the local elementary school. Allan is a sales director for a South Jordan technology company, is an avid Dodgers fan, and performs improvisational comedy at Comedy Sportz in Provo. The couple has four children, ages 5 through 13.

]]> Fri, 27 Mar 2020 17:30:03 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e42-marriage-on-a-tightrope-with-kattie-allan-mount-kfV_j_4Q Kattie & Allan Mount are the co‑hosts of Marriage on a Tightrope, a podcast dedicated to navigating a mixed‑faith marriage. Kattie and Allan met in the MTC and both served missions in Barcelona Spain. They were married shortly after Allan returned. 

In 2017, Kattie and Allan suddenly found themselves dealing with Allan’s decision to distance himself from the church. Frustrated with the lack of support, Kattie suggested they go public about their situation by starting a podcast. 

Kattie loves all things Disney, and is PTA president of the local elementary school. Allan is a sales director for a South Jordan technology company, is an avid Dodgers fan, and performs improvisational comedy at Comedy Sportz in Provo. The couple has four children, ages 5 through 13.

]]> E42 - Marriage on a Tightrope with Kattie & Allan Mount Mormon Marriages 00:54:42 "Some people long for a life that is simple and planned Tied with a ribbon Some people won't sail the sea 'cause they're safer on land To follow what's written But I'd follow you to the great unknown Off to a world we call our own Hand in my hand and we promised to never let go We're walking the tightrope high in the sky We can see the whole world down below We're walking the tightrope Never sure, never know how far we could fall But it's all an adventure That comes with a breathtaking view Walking the tightrope with you" - Tightrope, Michelle Williams "Some people long for a life that is simple and planned Tied with a ribbon Some people won't sail the sea 'cause they're safer on land To follow what's written But I'd follow you to the great unknown Off to a world we call our own Hand in my hand and we promised to never let go We're walking the tightrope high in the sky We can see the whole world down below We're walking the tightrope Never sure, never know how far we could fall But it's all an adventure That comes with a breathtaking view Walking the tightrope with you" - Tightrope, Michelle Williams hope, marriage, mormon marriages, mixed faith, love no full 42 1d0696e6-8b4a-4b0e-83d8-c25c8e3083f1 Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist #30 Question #1

My wife had a baby 6 months ago, and is afraid to have sex with me again. I've tried to get her to open up to me about what is going on, and why she is so anxious. I've let her dictate the pace of things so far, but if it were up to her, I'm not sure we'd ever have sex again.

Before the baby, sex was a struggle for her. She was unsure of what she liked and what felt good. If I accidentally stumbled on something that felt good, and she had an orgasm, I would try to repeat whatever I was doing during the next session, but that was rarely successful. I'm beside myself trying to figure out what can be done to help her learn to enjoy being intimate with me. What can I do? Or, what can I encourage her to do? Help!

Question #2

I think I had an emotional affair. I’ve been married to my wife for almost a decade, and she’s the absolute best. She truly is my best friend and a wonderful mother to our three kids. After almost 10 years of marriage things have gotten pretty routine, but not necessarily complacent. We still laugh and talk and enjoy each other, but sometimes the routine gets a little stale.

A couple of years ago, I texted a female friend. We were friends in high school but hadn’t kept in touch until I reached out about a business proposition. It was pretty innocent, but over time became pretty flirty until she eventually proposed the idea of an affair. I immediately severed ties with her and told my wife what she had said. This happened more 7 months ago. We haven’t spoken since, but I honestly miss her. I think about her all the time, almost daily. I miss how we would make each other laugh and our deep conversations through texts. I miss being desired by someone new... or at all. It has gotten easier over time, but I could use some direction.

Was this an emotional affair? Should I tell my wife about it? How can I phrase it sensitively, if so? And how can I deal with this feeling of wanting to reach out to my former friend all the time? How do I replace the feelings of excitement that I was getting from her? Or do I have to learn deal without that excitement all together? I know... I’ve got issues.

Question #3

My question is about sexuality and chronic illness. How do you navigate sexuality and desire when one partner has a normal high sex drive and the other is sick and has barely any energy for anything. Even washing my hair is difficult most days.

Before we were married I had a great drive, but very soon after I became very very sick. I try to be sexual as much as possible, but I feel guilty about not being able to meet his needs. Most of the time I would rather die than put the necessary energy into sex. Do you have any ideas for strategies to employ when his desire is high but my energy is low?

]]> Fri, 7 Feb 2020 13:30:26 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/ask-a-mormon-sex-therapist-30-4nosBLdE Question #1

My wife had a baby 6 months ago, and is afraid to have sex with me again. I've tried to get her to open up to me about what is going on, and why she is so anxious. I've let her dictate the pace of things so far, but if it were up to her, I'm not sure we'd ever have sex again.

Before the baby, sex was a struggle for her. She was unsure of what she liked and what felt good. If I accidentally stumbled on something that felt good, and she had an orgasm, I would try to repeat whatever I was doing during the next session, but that was rarely successful. I'm beside myself trying to figure out what can be done to help her learn to enjoy being intimate with me. What can I do? Or, what can I encourage her to do? Help!

Question #2

I think I had an emotional affair. I’ve been married to my wife for almost a decade, and she’s the absolute best. She truly is my best friend and a wonderful mother to our three kids. After almost 10 years of marriage things have gotten pretty routine, but not necessarily complacent. We still laugh and talk and enjoy each other, but sometimes the routine gets a little stale.

A couple of years ago, I texted a female friend. We were friends in high school but hadn’t kept in touch until I reached out about a business proposition. It was pretty innocent, but over time became pretty flirty until she eventually proposed the idea of an affair. I immediately severed ties with her and told my wife what she had said. This happened more 7 months ago. We haven’t spoken since, but I honestly miss her. I think about her all the time, almost daily. I miss how we would make each other laugh and our deep conversations through texts. I miss being desired by someone new... or at all. It has gotten easier over time, but I could use some direction.

Was this an emotional affair? Should I tell my wife about it? How can I phrase it sensitively, if so? And how can I deal with this feeling of wanting to reach out to my former friend all the time? How do I replace the feelings of excitement that I was getting from her? Or do I have to learn deal without that excitement all together? I know... I’ve got issues.

Question #3

My question is about sexuality and chronic illness. How do you navigate sexuality and desire when one partner has a normal high sex drive and the other is sick and has barely any energy for anything. Even washing my hair is difficult most days.

Before we were married I had a great drive, but very soon after I became very very sick. I try to be sexual as much as possible, but I feel guilty about not being able to meet his needs. Most of the time I would rather die than put the necessary energy into sex. Do you have any ideas for strategies to employ when his desire is high but my energy is low?

]]> Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist #30 Mormon Marriages 00:51:06 "The people that are most happily married have figured out a way to have enough security in their marriage to feel a sense of safety and trust, but allow it to continue growing. It’s a marriage that stops being validation based and allows growth within the context of the relationship. It’s willing to be honest enough with each other that the marriage stays alive and vital. Those are the most happily married people. A lot of marriages do this split where the couple makes it predictable and safe, yet stay validation based and not bring up or deal with hard things. It feels predictable, but dead. This is when they're more vulnerable to looking for life outside of the marriage, because they're afraid of bringing life into the marriage." - Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife "The people that are most happily married have figured out a way to have enough security in their marriage to feel a sense of safety and trust, but allow it to continue growing. It’s a marriage that stops being validation based and allows growth within the context of the relationship. It’s willing to be honest enough with each other that the marriage stays alive and vital. Those are the most happily married people. A lot of marriages do this split where the couple makes it predictable and safe, yet stay validation based and not bring up or deal with hard things. It feels predictable, but dead. This is when they're more vulnerable to looking for life outside of the marriage, because they're afraid of bringing life into the marriage." - Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife jennifer finlayson-fife, mormon, marriage, desire, emotional affair, lds podcast, chronic illness, sex therapy no bonus abba4682-932c-4b10-8a41-dbdd26a8f542 E41 - Changing the Narrative Around Pornography with Dr. Cameron Staley In this episode of the podcast, we are joined by Dr. Cameron Staley - a Clinical Psychologist from Idaho State University - to tackle the topic of pornography.

Talking about pornography in the church can be a polarizing issue. We support the stance of the church and agree that it is not something we personally want as a part of our marriage.

What we don't agree with is the shame-filled and fear-based narrative that is so common in our culture. This narrative only exacerbates the struggles we are trying to eradicate. Is there a better way?

Absolutely!!

Thanks to the research and work of Dr. Staley, along with many other incredible people over the years, there is a better, more research based approach to navigating struggles of pornography with kindness, compassion, forgiveness and a whole lot of mindfulness.

You don't want to miss this episode!

]]> Tue, 28 Jan 2020 13:30:16 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e41-changing-the-narrative-around-pornography-with-dr-cameron-staley-Aa9oS6cp In this episode of the podcast, we are joined by Dr. Cameron Staley - a Clinical Psychologist from Idaho State University - to tackle the topic of pornography.

Talking about pornography in the church can be a polarizing issue. We support the stance of the church and agree that it is not something we personally want as a part of our marriage.

What we don't agree with is the shame-filled and fear-based narrative that is so common in our culture. This narrative only exacerbates the struggles we are trying to eradicate. Is there a better way?

Absolutely!!

Thanks to the research and work of Dr. Staley, along with many other incredible people over the years, there is a better, more research based approach to navigating struggles of pornography with kindness, compassion, forgiveness and a whole lot of mindfulness.

You don't want to miss this episode!

]]> E41 - Changing the Narrative Around Pornography with Dr. Cameron Staley Mormon Marriages 00:59:22 "Viewing pornography is an emotional concern - NOT a sexual problem." - Dr. Cameron Staley "Viewing pornography is an emotional concern - NOT a sexual problem." - Dr. Cameron Staley shame, hope, pornography, marriage, research no full 41 d2a34a32-53a2-4e0b-9801-62ee24e27f01 E40 - In Sickness and in Health with RyLee and Ruben Matangi Ruben and RyLee have been married for 7 years and have 3 beautiful girls ages 5 and under. Through navigating career choices, becoming new parents, four moves, and a baby being life flighted, RyLee has also dealt with chronic eczema from head to toe. This past year it has gotten out of control to the point of leaving her in bed for weeks and even months on end. With three tiny girls that depend on her during the day, life seemed suddenly unmanageable. Spending money on doctors appointments, treatments and answers to no avail, their marriage has been stretched and challenged. Ultimately, even though they are still in the depths of searching for answers regarding RyLee’s health, this trial has brought them closer as they continue to navigate this journey together.

]]> Tue, 14 Jan 2020 13:30:24 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e40-in-sickness-and-in-health-with-rylee-and-ruben-matangi-P_19WAPd Ruben and RyLee have been married for 7 years and have 3 beautiful girls ages 5 and under. Through navigating career choices, becoming new parents, four moves, and a baby being life flighted, RyLee has also dealt with chronic eczema from head to toe. This past year it has gotten out of control to the point of leaving her in bed for weeks and even months on end. With three tiny girls that depend on her during the day, life seemed suddenly unmanageable. Spending money on doctors appointments, treatments and answers to no avail, their marriage has been stretched and challenged. Ultimately, even though they are still in the depths of searching for answers regarding RyLee’s health, this trial has brought them closer as they continue to navigate this journey together.

]]> E40 - In Sickness and in Health with RyLee and Ruben Matangi Mormon Marriages 01:02:03 "Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation. For after much tribulation come the blessings." D&C 58:3-4 "Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation. For after much tribulation come the blessings." D&C 58:3-4 no full 40 a7c648d6-72ed-42d0-89c1-bd20c62d0977 E39 - The Divorced Mormon with Jenny Rollins Nelson As members of the church, one of our ultimate goals is getting married in the temple one day and promising to our future spouse for time and all eternity.

So, what happens when eternity doesn't last as long as you thought it would?

No one gets married with the anticipation that they will get divorced later. Unfortunately, it happens!

Divorce can be a taboo topic in the church. It's not a topic frequently discussed in Sunday School (other than how to avoid it). With so much emphasis on family and temple marriage, it can leave a divorced member feeling lost in limbo, unsure what their place is in the grand scheme of things. There aren't very many resources readily available to help navigate such a troubling time.

Thankfully, people like Jenny Rollins Nelson are seeking to change that!

Join us for this week's episode as we dive head first into Jenny's personal experience with divorce, re-entering the dating field, relying on the Savior, and learning to love herself again.

In her own words, "Yes, there is life after divorce!"

]]> Tue, 7 Jan 2020 13:30:01 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e39-the-divorced-mormon-with-jenny-rollins-nelson-esDj54B3 As members of the church, one of our ultimate goals is getting married in the temple one day and promising to our future spouse for time and all eternity.

So, what happens when eternity doesn't last as long as you thought it would?

No one gets married with the anticipation that they will get divorced later. Unfortunately, it happens!

Divorce can be a taboo topic in the church. It's not a topic frequently discussed in Sunday School (other than how to avoid it). With so much emphasis on family and temple marriage, it can leave a divorced member feeling lost in limbo, unsure what their place is in the grand scheme of things. There aren't very many resources readily available to help navigate such a troubling time.

Thankfully, people like Jenny Rollins Nelson are seeking to change that!

Join us for this week's episode as we dive head first into Jenny's personal experience with divorce, re-entering the dating field, relying on the Savior, and learning to love herself again.

In her own words, "Yes, there is life after divorce!"

]]> E39 - The Divorced Mormon with Jenny Rollins Nelson Mormon Marriages 00:47:16 "It might feel like you’re sliding backwards - like you’re back to square one. This may seem like something that has the potential to wreck you, ruin your faith, or completely divert all you’ve worked for. As long as you are doing your best, and asking for God’s help, stumbling blocks become stepping stones - it will always be a step forward." -Jenny Rollins Nelson "It might feel like you’re sliding backwards - like you’re back to square one. This may seem like something that has the potential to wreck you, ruin your faith, or completely divert all you’ve worked for. As long as you are doing your best, and asking for God’s help, stumbling blocks become stepping stones - it will always be a step forward." -Jenny Rollins Nelson lds, divorce, divorced mormon, mormon marriages no full 39 0370a927-fa21-47f3-94c0-ebad7cb8a827 BONUS | The Parable of the Growth Ecosystem with Nate & Ang In 2011, Nate quit his job and set out to find the answers to what makes a marriage truly extraordinary.

After years of research, seminars, books and trainings, and from talking with top notch couples, therapists, and experts, he has finally been able to sum it up into one simple principle.

A good seed, when placed in the right ecosystem - with adequate light, fertile soil, and an abundance of water - has no choice but to grow!

Your marriage is no different.

Check out this bonus episode to figure out why!

]]> Tue, 24 Dec 2019 19:00:42 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/bonus-growth-ecosystem-with-nate-ang-db3ZK4pE In 2011, Nate quit his job and set out to find the answers to what makes a marriage truly extraordinary.

After years of research, seminars, books and trainings, and from talking with top notch couples, therapists, and experts, he has finally been able to sum it up into one simple principle.

A good seed, when placed in the right ecosystem - with adequate light, fertile soil, and an abundance of water - has no choice but to grow!

Your marriage is no different.

Check out this bonus episode to figure out why!

]]> BONUS | The Parable of the Growth Ecosystem with Nate & Ang Mormon Marriages 00:51:48 "And behold, as the tree beginneth to grow, ye will say: Let us nourish it with great care..." Alma 32:37 A plant grows almost unnoticeably. Just as you can’t watch a plant grow with the naked eye, you may not notice a change in your marriage from day-to-day. Though it doesn’t happen overnight, 6 months from now you can look back and think, ‘wow… look how far we’ve come.’ This won’t happen unless your marriage is placed in the right ecosystem. "And behold, as the tree beginneth to grow, ye will say: Let us nourish it with great care..." Alma 32:37 A plant grows almost unnoticeably. Just as you can’t watch a plant grow with the naked eye, you may not notice a change in your marriage from day-to-day. Though it doesn’t happen overnight, 6 months from now you can look back and think, ‘wow… look how far we’ve come.’ This won’t happen unless your marriage is placed in the right ecosystem. extraordinary love, marriage, mormon marriages, growth no bonus d2011742-7b74-44d8-8320-f9744dc1d5b5 E38 - Divorce Ideation with Dr. Alan Hawkins Have you ever found yourself thinking about divorce? Have you had thoughts like, "did I marry the wrong person?" or "Is my marriage going to fail?"

According to Dr. Alan Hawkins' research on divorce ideation, you wouldn't be alone. His studies have shown that around 25% of married individuals have thought about divorce in the last 6 months alone.

Does that mean your marriage is doomed? Absolutely not! 

In this episode of the podcast, we chat with Dr. Alan Hawkins about exactly what divorce ideation is and why you may have it. We talk about how you can use those thoughts as a catalyst to help your marriage be better than it ever has been. We also discuss those instances when divorce really is best for everyone involved. 

For a topic that is often taboo in church culture, Dr. Alan Hawkins provides comforting and reassuring research to help you navigate having thoughts of divorce. 

Enjoy!

]]> Thu, 12 Dec 2019 13:30:10 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e38-divorce-ideation-with-dr-alan-hawkins-C7vjebuE Have you ever found yourself thinking about divorce? Have you had thoughts like, "did I marry the wrong person?" or "Is my marriage going to fail?"

According to Dr. Alan Hawkins' research on divorce ideation, you wouldn't be alone. His studies have shown that around 25% of married individuals have thought about divorce in the last 6 months alone.

Does that mean your marriage is doomed? Absolutely not! 

In this episode of the podcast, we chat with Dr. Alan Hawkins about exactly what divorce ideation is and why you may have it. We talk about how you can use those thoughts as a catalyst to help your marriage be better than it ever has been. We also discuss those instances when divorce really is best for everyone involved. 

For a topic that is often taboo in church culture, Dr. Alan Hawkins provides comforting and reassuring research to help you navigate having thoughts of divorce. 

Enjoy!

]]> E38 - Divorce Ideation with Dr. Alan Hawkins Mormon Marriages 00:44:10 "You can flip [the reaction to thoughts of divorce] away from fear and desperation to a stimulus that says 'we need to communicate more,' or, 'maybe we should read a book together or go and get a little help;’ You can shift it from hiding from the issues to going right at them. Physically, that’s what pain does for you. It says, ‘Oh, you better check that out. There must be something going wrong there.’" - Dr. Alan Hawkins "You can flip [the reaction to thoughts of divorce] away from fear and desperation to a stimulus that says 'we need to communicate more,' or, 'maybe we should read a book together or go and get a little help;’ You can shift it from hiding from the issues to going right at them. Physically, that’s what pain does for you. It says, ‘Oh, you better check that out. There must be something going wrong there.’" - Dr. Alan Hawkins no full 38 9c89dab4-dd96-42d9-a2d6-c582b1e40766 E36 - Grief and Disappointment with Nate & Ang In the last few weeks, Nate and Angilyn have experienced a rollercoaster of emotions.

They felt the excitement and joy of learning that they were expecting for the first time, only to feel the heartache and grief of a miscarriage shortly afterwards.

Everyone deals with grief and loss in different ways. In this episode of the podcast, Nate and Ang share how having a support system of close friends and family has helped to ease their pain. 

In Nate's words, "It was so fun having people be ecstatic with us, and it was so powerful to have people cry with us when it didn’t work out. To me, there’s nothing more beautiful in life than having friendships like that."

]]> Mon, 18 Nov 2019 13:30:11 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/grief-and-disappointment-with-nate-ang-hkQO5D4o In the last few weeks, Nate and Angilyn have experienced a rollercoaster of emotions.

They felt the excitement and joy of learning that they were expecting for the first time, only to feel the heartache and grief of a miscarriage shortly afterwards.

Everyone deals with grief and loss in different ways. In this episode of the podcast, Nate and Ang share how having a support system of close friends and family has helped to ease their pain. 

In Nate's words, "It was so fun having people be ecstatic with us, and it was so powerful to have people cry with us when it didn’t work out. To me, there’s nothing more beautiful in life than having friendships like that."

]]> E36 - Grief and Disappointment with Nate & Ang Mormon Marriages 00:26:25 "Mourning with those that mourn and comforting those that stand in need of comfort requires vulnerability on both sides. To have that kind of influence on others, and to allow them to have that kind of influence on you, requires opening up in ways that can feel scary." -Angilyn Bagley "Mourning with those that mourn and comforting those that stand in need of comfort requires vulnerability on both sides. To have that kind of influence on others, and to allow them to have that kind of influence on you, requires opening up in ways that can feel scary." -Angilyn Bagley no full 36 bf319dd6-a076-4660-8d1d-7545c5bb5b81 E35 - Betrayal Trauma Part 2 with Kristin B. Hodson Latter-day Saints have been talking about what an ideal marriage would look like ever since they were a young child in primary.

"I love to see the temple," they sing, "I'll go inside someday."

No one goes into a marriage thinking they are going to experience a betrayal.

So, what happens when that story of the ideal marriage gets ripped out of your hands? When betrayal happens, what do you do next? How to you navigate all the emotions that come along with it without dooming the relationship to failure?

In this week's episode of the podcast, we continue our conversation with Kristin Hodson, AASECT certified Sex Therapist and LCSW, about how to navigate an intimate betrayal in your relationship.

]]> Mon, 11 Nov 2019 15:04:39 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e35-betrayal-trauma-part-2-with-kristin-b-hodson-yvb4HPM_ Latter-day Saints have been talking about what an ideal marriage would look like ever since they were a young child in primary.

"I love to see the temple," they sing, "I'll go inside someday."

No one goes into a marriage thinking they are going to experience a betrayal.

So, what happens when that story of the ideal marriage gets ripped out of your hands? When betrayal happens, what do you do next? How to you navigate all the emotions that come along with it without dooming the relationship to failure?

In this week's episode of the podcast, we continue our conversation with Kristin Hodson, AASECT certified Sex Therapist and LCSW, about how to navigate an intimate betrayal in your relationship.

]]> E35 - Betrayal Trauma Part 2 with Kristin B. Hodson Mormon Marriages 01:03:16 "These situations in our marriages can bring out the question, ‘Do you want to know ME, or do you want to know me as you need me to be to keep you comfortable?’ We come to a more stable place in our relationships when we say, ‘I want to KNOW my partner - flaws and all,’ so that we can build on a place of collaboration and not coercion." - Kristin Hodson "These situations in our marriages can bring out the question, ‘Do you want to know ME, or do you want to know me as you need me to be to keep you comfortable?’ We come to a more stable place in our relationships when we say, ‘I want to KNOW my partner - flaws and all,’ so that we can build on a place of collaboration and not coercion." - Kristin Hodson pornography, betrayal trauma, betrayal, mormon marriages, infidelity no full 35 4b3f1e5a-ce45-493d-bf85-2cb2cd4d1718 E34 - A Call to Ghana with Tom & Becky Rogers Tom & Becky Rogers are the proud parents of 10 children and the founders of FamiliesMentoringFamilies.org, an international organization that strengthens families through service, collaboration, and education to develop leadership and self-reliance. In 2017, they moved to Ghana, Africa with their youngest 5 children to pursue their personal mission. The first 18 months were an intense preparation as they gained a lot of experience VERY quickly, including within their own family dynamic.

As the Rogers interacted with people and developed relationships in Africa, they were drawn to the multi-generational impact that educating a family, beginning with the mother, has in addressing the "front line" of poverty. Today, FMF is building family literacy centers across Africa and is beginning a new initiative to reunite "orphans" with their parents through the Family Restoration Center.

With the help of American volunteers, cooperating with local leadership, team expeditions are gaining cultural experience and making a real difference in the lives of families, one at a time.

"If we moved to Africa, we’d have to learn to live so radically different that we’d actually have time to be a family." -Tom

]]> Mon, 4 Nov 2019 19:00:23 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e34-a-call-to-ghana-with-tom-becky-rogers-JQj6Xm8C Tom & Becky Rogers are the proud parents of 10 children and the founders of FamiliesMentoringFamilies.org, an international organization that strengthens families through service, collaboration, and education to develop leadership and self-reliance. In 2017, they moved to Ghana, Africa with their youngest 5 children to pursue their personal mission. The first 18 months were an intense preparation as they gained a lot of experience VERY quickly, including within their own family dynamic.

As the Rogers interacted with people and developed relationships in Africa, they were drawn to the multi-generational impact that educating a family, beginning with the mother, has in addressing the "front line" of poverty. Today, FMF is building family literacy centers across Africa and is beginning a new initiative to reunite "orphans" with their parents through the Family Restoration Center.

With the help of American volunteers, cooperating with local leadership, team expeditions are gaining cultural experience and making a real difference in the lives of families, one at a time.

"If we moved to Africa, we’d have to learn to live so radically different that we’d actually have time to be a family." -Tom

]]> E34 - A Call to Ghana with Tom & Becky Rogers Mormon Marriages 00:52:25 "We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize that we only have one." - Confucius "We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize that we only have one." - Confucius no full 34 2a7db874-fcb7-4d23-8d82-6cb13e70631f Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist #29 LIVE RECORDING Part 2 In part 2 of our LIVE recording, we tackle two more questions from the guys! 

Question #1

“My wife and I are trying to conceive. This is one of the most stressful times of my life, and stress is a major anti-aphrodisiac for me. How do I confront the pressure to perform?

Question #2

"My wife has a “fun” sexual past with her high school boyfriends. Before we dated she had shared too many of those experiences with me. I was fine with it, until I woke up to her crying on our wedding night. It triggered a jealousy and resentment where I feel she gave “them” her fun self. I got the Mormon prude and they got the fun girl. I love her, but I feel like she has never chosen me. I get that I’m at fault with the unforgiving heart and mad with jealousy that has built emotional walls. I feel like all our sex has been mercy sex. I don’t even want to have sex with her because that’s what it is. When we become intimate all I can see is her doing “this” with “them.” It makes me regret and feel bitterness that I strived to stay a virgin and be as "clean" as I could. I feel like I have lived life wrong. Since she is a terrific good person and she has the “dirty” past, she is the better more healthy person while I am the bitter/resentful seminary graduate boy. It makes me hate myself that I can’t get over that. I’m over 15 years into this and the cloud just gets darker and bigger. How can I start becoming more intimate with my wife while suffering with this intense jealousy? I just finished your course enhancing sexual intimacy and I am grateful for you and what you are doing. So, thank you and I would love to here your answer knowing it will be painful.”

]]> Fri, 11 Oct 2019 12:30:02 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/ask-a-mormon-sex-therapist-29-live-recording-part-2-1zTvmQJG In part 2 of our LIVE recording, we tackle two more questions from the guys! 

Question #1

“My wife and I are trying to conceive. This is one of the most stressful times of my life, and stress is a major anti-aphrodisiac for me. How do I confront the pressure to perform?

Question #2

"My wife has a “fun” sexual past with her high school boyfriends. Before we dated she had shared too many of those experiences with me. I was fine with it, until I woke up to her crying on our wedding night. It triggered a jealousy and resentment where I feel she gave “them” her fun self. I got the Mormon prude and they got the fun girl. I love her, but I feel like she has never chosen me. I get that I’m at fault with the unforgiving heart and mad with jealousy that has built emotional walls. I feel like all our sex has been mercy sex. I don’t even want to have sex with her because that’s what it is. When we become intimate all I can see is her doing “this” with “them.” It makes me regret and feel bitterness that I strived to stay a virgin and be as "clean" as I could. I feel like I have lived life wrong. Since she is a terrific good person and she has the “dirty” past, she is the better more healthy person while I am the bitter/resentful seminary graduate boy. It makes me hate myself that I can’t get over that. I’m over 15 years into this and the cloud just gets darker and bigger. How can I start becoming more intimate with my wife while suffering with this intense jealousy? I just finished your course enhancing sexual intimacy and I am grateful for you and what you are doing. So, thank you and I would love to here your answer knowing it will be painful.”

]]> Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist #29 LIVE RECORDING Part 2 Mormon Marriages 00:40:15 lds, intimacy, mormon marriages, sex therapist, sex no bonus ddea5c93-371c-4246-bd4b-8e5a736045c5 E33 - The Art of Love with Howard & Shari Lyon Tue, 8 Oct 2019 12:30:10 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e33-the-art-of-love-with-howard-shari-lyon-IaHVc6gN E33 - The Art of Love with Howard & Shari Lyon Mormon Marriages 01:01:49 "Art is therapy for me. I love it so much. There is nothing, outside of God and family, that is more rewarding than making something. We were created to be creators. It is our destiny. What a wonderful thing that is! It’s the only thing I can imagine doing forever. Everything else would get boring. Creating things has the potential to fulfill you through eternity." - Howard Lyon In this episode of the podcast, Howard and Shari Lyon share with us their incredible love story. 25 years of marriage and three kids later, their life is far from conventional. Both incredible artists, they share with us how creating through art has influenced their love of life and love for each other. We hope you enjoy it! "Art is therapy for me. I love it so much. There is nothing, outside of God and family, that is more rewarding than making something. We were created to be creators. It is our destiny. What a wonderful thing that is! It’s the only thing I can imagine doing forever. Everything else would get boring. Creating things has the potential to fulfill you through eternity." - Howard Lyon In this episode of the podcast, Howard and Shari Lyon share with us their incredible love story. 25 years of marriage and three kids later, their life is far from conventional. Both incredible artists, they share with us how creating through art has influenced their love of life and love for each other. We hope you enjoy it! no full 33 8f819d33-f453-4932-b033-8efe478ffdf0 Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist #28 LIVE RECORDING Part 1 Fri, 4 Oct 2019 12:30:02 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/ask-a-mormon-sex-therapist-28-live-recording-part-1-hLpmfX6t Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist #28 LIVE RECORDING Part 1 Mormon Marriages 00:53:36 In part 1 of our LIVE recording, we hear what inspired Jennifer to put her life’s work into helping LDS women and couples develop healthy sexuality in their lives and marriages. We also delve into questions asked by two of our lady listeners! #1: I live in Utah and I feel like there is a lot of pressure from my ward and surroundings suppressing my sexuality. When I'm on vacation or trips alone with my husband I feel so able to claim my sexuality but when I come back from trips or vacations, I feel like it gets stripped away with motherhood, the sense of what it is to be a female and then I feel like an object to be managed sexually. I recognize a perfect mormon women is a made up cultural myth. But I feel that owning my sexuality is possible. I also find that I resent my husband's sexuality and I'm judgemental of it and I need help. How do I become a whole women and stay solid in my sexuality. The shame force is strong in Utah! Can you paint me a picture of what a whole sexual LDS women looks like? Honestly when I try to paint or describe a whole women it ends up looking like a hot mess woman with holes to be used and objectified not the whole women I find on vacation. #2: I have been married for fifteen years and have never had an orgasm. We have tried and tried, but I just can’t do it. How do you do it? My husband and I fit the Mormon mold when it comes to the fact that we were never talked to about sex in any way other than it was bad. What would be your suggestion for me to do? In part 1 of our LIVE recording, we hear what inspired Jennifer to put her life’s work into helping LDS women and couples develop healthy sexuality in their lives and marriages. We also delve into questions asked by two of our lady listeners! #1: I live in Utah and I feel like there is a lot of pressure from my ward and surroundings suppressing my sexuality. When I'm on vacation or trips alone with my husband I feel so able to claim my sexuality but when I come back from trips or vacations, I feel like it gets stripped away with motherhood, the sense of what it is to be a female and then I feel like an object to be managed sexually. I recognize a perfect mormon women is a made up cultural myth. But I feel that owning my sexuality is possible. I also find that I resent my husband's sexuality and I'm judgemental of it and I need help. How do I become a whole women and stay solid in my sexuality. The shame force is strong in Utah! Can you paint me a picture of what a whole sexual LDS women looks like? Honestly when I try to paint or describe a whole women it ends up looking like a hot mess woman with holes to be used and objectified not the whole women I find on vacation. #2: I have been married for fifteen years and have never had an orgasm. We have tried and tried, but I just can’t do it. How do you do it? My husband and I fit the Mormon mold when it comes to the fact that we were never talked to about sex in any way other than it was bad. What would be your suggestion for me to do? no bonus 83c90342-c116-4f3c-8cc2-4bbce0c00b88 E32 - Always Go To The Funeral Q&A with Nate & Angilyn If you want one of your own questions answered on the podcast, send it to us here.

]]> Mon, 30 Sep 2019 00:23:11 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e32-always-go-to-the-funeral-qa-with-nate-angilyn-cKMzl49N If you want one of your own questions answered on the podcast, send it to us here.

]]> E32 - Always Go To The Funeral Q&A with Nate & Angilyn Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley 00:44:29 “I am in a place with my significant other where he is really struggling... life is just stressful and I think he is getting a little depressed. Do you have advice on how I can be there for him and support him? I know it’s not my place to fix his situation but I want to help him.” Always go to the funeral. They may not notice if you don’t, but they will always remember if you do. — Sister Debi Wilcox “I am in a place with my significant other where he is really struggling... life is just stressful and I think he is getting a little depressed. Do you have advice on how I can be there for him and support him? I know it’s not my place to fix his situation but I want to help him.” Always go to the funeral. They may not notice if you don’t, but they will always remember if you do. — Sister Debi Wilcox lds, marriage, mormon marriages, eternal marriage, celestial marriage, latter-day saints no full 32 3a0193fc-f01c-4dcd-a627-e93f80e7f4f2 E31 - You Are Not A Burden with Dani Bates Dani was widowed by suicide in March of 2019. Soon after, she began writing about her late husband, Denny, and about her experiences in real time as she and her two daughters go through life after a traumatic loss.

She has become an advocate for mental wellness and stopping the stigma against suicide. You can read more on her blog at danibates.com or listen to her podcast “Make It Awkward” on any major listening app. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter for the latest. 

]]> Mon, 30 Sep 2019 00:17:49 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley, Dani Bates) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e31-you-are-not-a-burden-with-dani-bates-derqmcFs Dani was widowed by suicide in March of 2019. Soon after, she began writing about her late husband, Denny, and about her experiences in real time as she and her two daughters go through life after a traumatic loss.

She has become an advocate for mental wellness and stopping the stigma against suicide. You can read more on her blog at danibates.com or listen to her podcast “Make It Awkward” on any major listening app. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter for the latest. 

]]> E31 - You Are Not A Burden with Dani Bates Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley, Dani Bates 00:57:03 Dani was widowed by suicide in March of 2019. Soon after, she began writing about her late husband, Denny, and about her experiences in real time as she and her two daughters go through life after a traumatic loss. She has become an advocate for mental wellness and stopping the stigma against suicide. You can read more on her blog at danibates.com or listen to her podcast “Make It Awkward” on any major listening app. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter for the latest. Dani was widowed by suicide in March of 2019. Soon after, she began writing about her late husband, Denny, and about her experiences in real time as she and her two daughters go through life after a traumatic loss. She has become an advocate for mental wellness and stopping the stigma against suicide. You can read more on her blog at danibates.com or listen to her podcast “Make It Awkward” on any major listening app. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter for the latest. lds, mormon marriages, suicide, eternal marriage, celestial marriage, latter-day saints no full 31 f6c86824-ffd3-471c-80d0-c7932e6eb085 E30 - Choosing Joy with Brittany and Trevor Frank In March of 2012, Brittany Fisher Frank was involved in a rappelling accident in which she fell 80-100 feet. The injuries she sustained from the fall left her paralyzed from the waist down.

After her accident, she had many concerns including the worry of what dating what be like. But, when she met Trevor, he jumped right in - loading her wheelchair into his car on their first date!

Though living with a disability comes with many challenges and difficulties, Trevor & Brittany share with us how they move forward in their marriage and in their lives with optimism, faith, and joy.

Trevor and Brittany have been married for 3 years, and are the parents of an adorable little boy and the cutest dog.

]]> Mon, 30 Sep 2019 00:12:32 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Angilyn Bagley, Brittany Frank, Nate Bagley, Trevor Frank) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e30-choosing-joy-with-brittany-and-trevor-frank-XrYp1ozi In March of 2012, Brittany Fisher Frank was involved in a rappelling accident in which she fell 80-100 feet. The injuries she sustained from the fall left her paralyzed from the waist down.

After her accident, she had many concerns including the worry of what dating what be like. But, when she met Trevor, he jumped right in - loading her wheelchair into his car on their first date!

Though living with a disability comes with many challenges and difficulties, Trevor & Brittany share with us how they move forward in their marriage and in their lives with optimism, faith, and joy.

Trevor and Brittany have been married for 3 years, and are the parents of an adorable little boy and the cutest dog.

]]> E30 - Choosing Joy with Brittany and Trevor Frank Angilyn Bagley, Brittany Frank, Nate Bagley, Trevor Frank 00:51:58 “Optimism looks like crying in my bed and having my husband hold me and comfort me for hours as I cry myself to sleep, but waking up the next day and still moving forward. It’s acknowledging the bad and the hard things that happen in life, but then to go on and choose to look for the good... That’s true optimism for me.” — Brittany Fisher Frank “Optimism looks like crying in my bed and having my husband hold me and comfort me for hours as I cry myself to sleep, but waking up the next day and still moving forward. It’s acknowledging the bad and the hard things that happen in life, but then to go on and choose to look for the good... That’s true optimism for me.” — Brittany Fisher Frank brittany frank, mormon marriages, eternal marriage, celestial marriage no full 30 4fbcecb1-0e48-4be7-ba58-944045305ccd Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist #27 Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is a LDS relationship and sexuality coach as well as a  Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in the state of Illinois.  She has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. In addition to her dissertation research on LDS women's sexuality and relationship to desire, she has taught college level human sexuality courses. Her teaching and coaching focuses on helping LDS individuals and couples achieve greater satisfaction and passion in their emotional and sexual relationships.

In addition to consultation with couples and individuals (in person and online), she offers online relationship and sexuality courses as well as live workshops and retreats for LDS couples and individuals.  

Jennifer is a frequent guest on LDS-themed podcasts and write articles for LDS-themed blogs and magazines, on the subjects of sexuality, relationships, mental health and faith.

]]> Mon, 30 Sep 2019 00:06:12 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley, Jennifer Finlayson-Fife) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/ask-a-mormon-sex-therapist-27-_wC576IM Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is a LDS relationship and sexuality coach as well as a  Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in the state of Illinois.  She has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. In addition to her dissertation research on LDS women's sexuality and relationship to desire, she has taught college level human sexuality courses. Her teaching and coaching focuses on helping LDS individuals and couples achieve greater satisfaction and passion in their emotional and sexual relationships.

In addition to consultation with couples and individuals (in person and online), she offers online relationship and sexuality courses as well as live workshops and retreats for LDS couples and individuals.  

Jennifer is a frequent guest on LDS-themed podcasts and write articles for LDS-themed blogs and magazines, on the subjects of sexuality, relationships, mental health and faith.

]]> Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist #27 Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley, Jennifer Finlayson-Fife 00:40:45 QUESTION #1 “Before my husband and I got married, I always heard the comment, “He’s going to want sex ALL the time.” Well, here we are a couple years in and I feel I want initiate sex way more than my husband does. It doesn’t matter how many times I bring up my concerns, nothing changes. Recently, we decided to start trying to start a family & my husband has had a hard time ejaculating. It has been insanely hard to not take it personally. My question is - what is the best way for me to navigate my negative experiences with my sexual relationship with my husband and move forward in a positive light?” QUESTION #2 “I have struggled with premature ejaculation for years. Kegels do nothing. Trying to “calm down” doesn’t work very well, but maybe I haven’t done it right? If I try to reach climax a few hours before it sort of works, but isn’t ideal, especially for spontaneous stuff. What can I do?” QUESTION #1 “Before my husband and I got married, I always heard the comment, “He’s going to want sex ALL the time.” Well, here we are a couple years in and I feel I want initiate sex way more than my husband does. It doesn’t matter how many times I bring up my concerns, nothing changes. Recently, we decided to start trying to start a family & my husband has had a hard time ejaculating. It has been insanely hard to not take it personally. My question is - what is the best way for me to navigate my negative experiences with my sexual relationship with my husband and move forward in a positive light?” QUESTION #2 “I have struggled with premature ejaculation for years. Kegels do nothing. Trying to “calm down” doesn’t work very well, but maybe I haven’t done it right? If I try to reach climax a few hours before it sort of works, but isn’t ideal, especially for spontaneous stuff. What can I do?” jennifer finlayson-fife, ask a mormon sex therapist, aamst, mormon marriages, eternal marriage, celestial marriage, finlayson-fife no bonus 0d75aafa-49df-4d8c-bfaf-bd8b3d47c790 E29 - Enjoying the Journey with Brooke and Mike Romney In this episode of the podcast, we are joined by Brooke and Mike Romney.

Brooke is a blogger, speaker and freelance writer, and Mike is in Business Development at a Healthcare Company. They reside just outside of Salt Lake City.

They are raising 4 active boys who consistently remind us that they are not nearly as cool as they thought we would be.

Brooke loves to write about anything and everything, but especially about things that matter. She is committed to sharing real life with a hopeful twist. Her fresh perspective and relatable style has engaged millions of readers in the Deseret News, Washington Post, Studio 5, and on her own blog and Instagram @brookeromneywrites. She loves writing, speaking and sharing truth any chance she gets.

Brooke and Mike will be celebrating 20 years of marriage this December.

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 23:58:52 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mike Romney, Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley, Brooke Romney) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e29-enjoying-the-journey-with-brooke-and-mike-romney-EcNY__08 In this episode of the podcast, we are joined by Brooke and Mike Romney.

Brooke is a blogger, speaker and freelance writer, and Mike is in Business Development at a Healthcare Company. They reside just outside of Salt Lake City.

They are raising 4 active boys who consistently remind us that they are not nearly as cool as they thought we would be.

Brooke loves to write about anything and everything, but especially about things that matter. She is committed to sharing real life with a hopeful twist. Her fresh perspective and relatable style has engaged millions of readers in the Deseret News, Washington Post, Studio 5, and on her own blog and Instagram @brookeromneywrites. She loves writing, speaking and sharing truth any chance she gets.

Brooke and Mike will be celebrating 20 years of marriage this December.

]]> E29 - Enjoying the Journey with Brooke and Mike Romney Mike Romney, Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley, Brooke Romney 00:57:28 Choose to love, and choose to do it all the way. — Brooke Romney Choose to love, and choose to do it all the way. — Brooke Romney lds, mormon, mormon marriages, brooke romney, eternal marriage, celestial marriage no full 29 4f314127-76f4-4c51-b366-e933ae320190 E28 - Love Maps Q&A with Nate and Angilyn If you want one of your own questions answered on the podcast, send it to us here.

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 23:53:21 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e28-love-maps-qa-with-nate-and-angilyn-GswcN2Ui If you want one of your own questions answered on the podcast, send it to us here.

]]> E28 - Love Maps Q&A with Nate and Angilyn Mormon Marriages 00:36:52 Without such a love map, you can’t really know your spouse. And if you don’t really know someone, how can you truly love them? — Dr. John Gottman Without such a love map, you can’t really know your spouse. And if you don’t really know someone, how can you truly love them? — Dr. John Gottman no full 28 29deaa27-ca10-4a94-86a7-67501af0f028 E27 - Beyond Betrayal Trauma with Kristin Hodson, LCSW Kristin Hodson is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist.  She is Founder and Executive Director of The Healing Group mental health clinic in Salt Lake City and Co-Author of the book Real Intimacy: A Couples Guide for Genuine, Healthy Sexuality (Cedar Fort 2011). Additionally she works as an adjunct professor teaching human sexuality to master level students working to become Social Workers and founded the Rocky Mountain Sex Summit in an effort to increase sexual health competency in mental health professionals. 

She has a unique ability to break down the topics of sexuality into easily digestible pieces empowering people to further develop their sexual identity, hone their sexual values, improve their communication around sexuality all with the intention to improve people’s relationships with themselves and others.

Kristin is approachable, relatable and has a light sense of humor around something that often feels intimidating or heavy. She has been a guest presenter for nationally renowned sex therapist Dr. Gina Ogden and Dr. Tammy Nelson and has contributed to national media outlets including Huffington Post Live, NPR, Women’s Day Magazine and MTV and local outlets including RadioWest, Studio5,The Deseret News, RadioWest, The Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City magazine, various podcasts and local news outlets.  

Kristin is a Mom of 3 wild things and a partner to her husband Jake living in Salt Lake City, Ut and Playa Grande, Costa Rica.

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 23:47:54 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Kristin Hodson, Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e27-beyond-betrayal-trauma-with-kristin-hodson-lcsw-jCzy_HLP Kristin Hodson is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist.  She is Founder and Executive Director of The Healing Group mental health clinic in Salt Lake City and Co-Author of the book Real Intimacy: A Couples Guide for Genuine, Healthy Sexuality (Cedar Fort 2011). Additionally she works as an adjunct professor teaching human sexuality to master level students working to become Social Workers and founded the Rocky Mountain Sex Summit in an effort to increase sexual health competency in mental health professionals. 

She has a unique ability to break down the topics of sexuality into easily digestible pieces empowering people to further develop their sexual identity, hone their sexual values, improve their communication around sexuality all with the intention to improve people’s relationships with themselves and others.

Kristin is approachable, relatable and has a light sense of humor around something that often feels intimidating or heavy. She has been a guest presenter for nationally renowned sex therapist Dr. Gina Ogden and Dr. Tammy Nelson and has contributed to national media outlets including Huffington Post Live, NPR, Women’s Day Magazine and MTV and local outlets including RadioWest, Studio5,The Deseret News, RadioWest, The Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City magazine, various podcasts and local news outlets.  

Kristin is a Mom of 3 wild things and a partner to her husband Jake living in Salt Lake City, Ut and Playa Grande, Costa Rica.

]]> E27 - Beyond Betrayal Trauma with Kristin Hodson, LCSW Kristin Hodson, Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley 00:48:44 The absence of trauma, the healing from betrayal, does not equal wellness. You can heal and be in a stable place and still feel dissatisfied and unfulfilled. True sexual and relational wellness comes from moving towards a healthier place in your relationship - the vision beyond repair. — Kristin Hodson The absence of trauma, the healing from betrayal, does not equal wellness. You can heal and be in a stable place and still feel dissatisfied and unfulfilled. True sexual and relational wellness comes from moving towards a healthier place in your relationship - the vision beyond repair. — Kristin Hodson pornography, betrayal trauma, mormon marriages, kristin hodson, eternal marriage, celestial marriage no full 27 52df477b-ed71-466e-be8a-1c44cf02d303 E26 - Creating a Shared Dream with Mark and Georgia Anderson Mark and Georgia Anderson are a “2nd chance“ couple who have been married for 15 years. Between them, they have seven married children and going on 13 grandkids. They love to ski, serve, and adventure together, and are creating a second bucket list (since they have lived so long—everything got checked off).

Mark is a PT (he will check your knees at parties), and Georgia is a relationship coach at knowhowmom.com.

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 23:42:44 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Nate Bagley, Mark Anderson, Angilyn Bagley, Georgia Anderson) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e26-creating-a-shared-dream-with-mark-and-georgia-anderson-Z8KEZsvL Mark and Georgia Anderson are a “2nd chance“ couple who have been married for 15 years. Between them, they have seven married children and going on 13 grandkids. They love to ski, serve, and adventure together, and are creating a second bucket list (since they have lived so long—everything got checked off).

Mark is a PT (he will check your knees at parties), and Georgia is a relationship coach at knowhowmom.com.

]]> E26 - Creating a Shared Dream with Mark and Georgia Anderson Nate Bagley, Mark Anderson, Angilyn Bagley, Georgia Anderson 00:51:36 We came from two different marriages, with two sets of children, two different lifestyles and careers... It was doing something difficult, and dangerous and emotionally challenging together that gave us something uniquely ours. — Georgia Anderson We came from two different marriages, with two sets of children, two different lifestyles and careers... It was doing something difficult, and dangerous and emotionally challenging together that gave us something uniquely ours. — Georgia Anderson lds, mormon, divorce, blending families, mormon marriages, eternal marriage, celestial marriage no full 26 07a6f19e-db5f-40a3-a27a-87d34aaace9a E25 - We Call It A Journey with Danelle and Tyler Beckstrand Tyler and Danelle Beckstrand met in a college math class at Utah State University (go Aggies!) They got married in 2011 and graduated together a few years later. The plan was to have babies right away but they found themselves dealing with unexplained infertility. After six years of trying to build their family, they decided adoption was their next step. In May 2019 they experienced their first failed adoption but came back more determined than ever!

Although there are many unknowns in this journey, they are anxious, and ready, to give all their love to the lives that enter into theirs. They look forward to starting new family traditions and excitedly await all the giggles and smiles to come.

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 23:36:45 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Tyler Beckstrand, Angilyn Bagley, Danelle Beckstrand, Nate Bagley) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e25-we-call-it-a-journey-with-danelle-and-tyler-beckstrand-9sOIDATd Tyler and Danelle Beckstrand met in a college math class at Utah State University (go Aggies!) They got married in 2011 and graduated together a few years later. The plan was to have babies right away but they found themselves dealing with unexplained infertility. After six years of trying to build their family, they decided adoption was their next step. In May 2019 they experienced their first failed adoption but came back more determined than ever!

Although there are many unknowns in this journey, they are anxious, and ready, to give all their love to the lives that enter into theirs. They look forward to starting new family traditions and excitedly await all the giggles and smiles to come.

]]> E25 - We Call It A Journey with Danelle and Tyler Beckstrand Tyler Beckstrand, Angilyn Bagley, Danelle Beckstrand, Nate Bagley 01:11:53 How often have you let yourself hope for something? How often have you been disappointed? How often have you built a sturdy fortress around your heart, guarding it from feeling any ounce of excitement - protecting it from shattering into a million pieces? For those who are experiencing infertility in their marriage, “hope” can feel like a dirty word. How much devastation, disappointment, and anguish can your heart truly handle? After 6 years of trying to start their own family, Tyler and Danelle Beckstrand are all too familiar with this dilemma. As they shared with us their journey, they explained that hope is on a pendulum. If you’re only a little bit excited for something, then you’re only a little bit disappointed when it doesn’t happen. It’s terrifying to let yourself hope! It’s scary to allow the unknown to have a permanent spot at your table. It takes an intense amount of vulnerability to let yourself feel. The only problem is, if you downplay your emotions, guard your heart, or protect yourself from feeling, you won’t experience the intense amount of joy, happiness and excitement that is waiting on the other side of uncertainty. Danelle and Tyler are all in. They made the conscious decision to be over-the-moon excited for the family they will one day have. They understand that you must risk it all to have it all. How often have you let yourself hope for something? How often have you been disappointed? How often have you built a sturdy fortress around your heart, guarding it from feeling any ounce of excitement - protecting it from shattering into a million pieces? For those who are experiencing infertility in their marriage, “hope” can feel like a dirty word. How much devastation, disappointment, and anguish can your heart truly handle? After 6 years of trying to start their own family, Tyler and Danelle Beckstrand are all too familiar with this dilemma. As they shared with us their journey, they explained that hope is on a pendulum. If you’re only a little bit excited for something, then you’re only a little bit disappointed when it doesn’t happen. It’s terrifying to let yourself hope! It’s scary to allow the unknown to have a permanent spot at your table. It takes an intense amount of vulnerability to let yourself feel. The only problem is, if you downplay your emotions, guard your heart, or protect yourself from feeling, you won’t experience the intense amount of joy, happiness and excitement that is waiting on the other side of uncertainty. Danelle and Tyler are all in. They made the conscious decision to be over-the-moon excited for the family they will one day have. They understand that you must risk it all to have it all. danelle beckstrand, mormon marriages, eternal marriage, nate bagley, we call it a journey, celestial marriage, eternal family, adoption, infirtility no full 25 bd6c40b9-eaa8-4d39-af59-06842b8f5f46 E24 - Unhooked with Jason Coombs Jason Coombs is a person in long-term recovery and the Founder and CEO of nationally accredited Brick House Recovery. He earned a Master of Professional Communication Degree (MPC) and has a deep passion for recovery. In fact, he is the author of the newly released book Unhooked: How to Help an Addicted Loved One Recover. He is a professional TEDx Speaker, consultant, and leadership expert.

Jason serves in the Meridian Anti-Drug Coalition, Drug Free Idaho, and works closely with the Institute for Addiction Study. Currently, Jason serves on the Idaho Conference on Alcohol and Drug Dependence Board.

Jason loves the outdoors and is an ironman 70.3 finisher with his two brothers. Jason and his wife enjoy living in a small town outside of Boise, Idaho with their twin toddlers. You can find him in the Recovery Movement group on Facebook.

You can contact Jason directly at info@brickhouserecovery.com.

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 23:30:28 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Angilyn Bagley, Jason Coombs, Nate Bagley) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e24-unhooked-with-jason-coombs-Rb_t5XJR Jason Coombs is a person in long-term recovery and the Founder and CEO of nationally accredited Brick House Recovery. He earned a Master of Professional Communication Degree (MPC) and has a deep passion for recovery. In fact, he is the author of the newly released book Unhooked: How to Help an Addicted Loved One Recover. He is a professional TEDx Speaker, consultant, and leadership expert.

Jason serves in the Meridian Anti-Drug Coalition, Drug Free Idaho, and works closely with the Institute for Addiction Study. Currently, Jason serves on the Idaho Conference on Alcohol and Drug Dependence Board.

Jason loves the outdoors and is an ironman 70.3 finisher with his two brothers. Jason and his wife enjoy living in a small town outside of Boise, Idaho with their twin toddlers. You can find him in the Recovery Movement group on Facebook.

You can contact Jason directly at info@brickhouserecovery.com.

]]> E24 - Unhooked with Jason Coombs Angilyn Bagley, Jason Coombs, Nate Bagley 01:04:15 People don’t recover in treatment centers, people don’t recover in a buildings, or in jails. People recover in the context of relationships.” — Jason Coombs People don’t recover in treatment centers, people don’t recover in a buildings, or in jails. People recover in the context of relationships.” — Jason Coombs lds, mormons, latter day saints, mormon marriages, opoids, eternal marriage, celestial marriage, addiction recovery no full 24 278b26a1-050e-4a3d-bfed-7b430f625c3c E23 - Boundaries vs. Ultimatums Q&A with Nate & Angilyn If you want one of your own questions answered on the podcast, send it to us here.

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 23:24:47 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e23-boundaries-vs-ultimatums-qa-with-nate-angilyn-tbrOVHwB If you want one of your own questions answered on the podcast, send it to us here.

]]> E23 - Boundaries vs. Ultimatums Q&A with Nate & Angilyn Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley 00:42:05 “How do you get a spouse on board with ideas and follow through? Do I have to wait around until they’re ready? I’m sick of waiting around for change, but also don’t know how to go about it without my partner, because he’s half of the relationship...” — Anonymous Listener “How do you get a spouse on board with ideas and follow through? Do I have to wait around until they’re ready? I’m sick of waiting around for change, but also don’t know how to go about it without my partner, because he’s half of the relationship...” — Anonymous Listener marriage, boundaries, mormon marriages, ultimatums, eternal marriage, celestial marriage no full 23 ba338f90-fb2b-429c-8ca0-4a94b6ba0265 E22 - How To Get Your Spouse On Board With Improving Your Marriage Q&A with Nate and Angilyn We hear this type of question all the time.

You’ve heard it said, “It takes two to tango.”

You’ve got all these awesome ideas on how to better your relationship, but no matter how many times you ask your spouse to get on board, you aren’t getting any ounce of participation from them.

You want your life to change, but you feel stuck.

“I want to be healthier, but my wife hates exercising.”

“I want our family to be more spiritual, but I can’t get my husband to initiate scripture reading and family home evening.”

“I wish that we weren’t on our phones as much, but everytime I ask my spouse to put their phone away we end up arguing.”

“I need more help around the house but I have to constantly nag, yell and scream before anyone lifts a finger.”

Do any of these situations sound familiar to you?

If so, you’re not alone.

So, how do you get your spouse to embrace all of these things and put them into practice?

Spoiler Alert…

YOU can’t.

You can’t make your spouse to do anything, regardless of how hard you try.

But why not?!?!

If you haven’t learned already, you have zero control over your spouse and their choices.

Zero. Zilch. None whatsoever.

In fact, there are very few things in life that you actually have control over: Just you… Your thoughts, your actions, your choices.

We talk about this all the time on the blog and in the podcast.

Just like it would do you absolutely no good to stand outside in the rain and beg the sky to stop, it does you no good to hound your spouse and constantly nag them in hopes that they will see things your way and change.

This is type of behavior is more harmful than helpful…

So, what can you do?

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 23:19:09 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e22-how-to-get-your-spouse-on-board-with-improving-your-marriage-qa-with-nate-and-angilyn-n3zMfbxS We hear this type of question all the time.

You’ve heard it said, “It takes two to tango.”

You’ve got all these awesome ideas on how to better your relationship, but no matter how many times you ask your spouse to get on board, you aren’t getting any ounce of participation from them.

You want your life to change, but you feel stuck.

“I want to be healthier, but my wife hates exercising.”

“I want our family to be more spiritual, but I can’t get my husband to initiate scripture reading and family home evening.”

“I wish that we weren’t on our phones as much, but everytime I ask my spouse to put their phone away we end up arguing.”

“I need more help around the house but I have to constantly nag, yell and scream before anyone lifts a finger.”

Do any of these situations sound familiar to you?

If so, you’re not alone.

So, how do you get your spouse to embrace all of these things and put them into practice?

Spoiler Alert…

YOU can’t.

You can’t make your spouse to do anything, regardless of how hard you try.

But why not?!?!

If you haven’t learned already, you have zero control over your spouse and their choices.

Zero. Zilch. None whatsoever.

In fact, there are very few things in life that you actually have control over: Just you… Your thoughts, your actions, your choices.

We talk about this all the time on the blog and in the podcast.

Just like it would do you absolutely no good to stand outside in the rain and beg the sky to stop, it does you no good to hound your spouse and constantly nag them in hopes that they will see things your way and change.

This is type of behavior is more harmful than helpful…

So, what can you do?

]]> E22 - How To Get Your Spouse On Board With Improving Your Marriage Q&A with Nate and Angilyn Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley 00:42:51 “How do you get a spouse on board with ideas and follow through? Do I have to wait around until they’re ready? I’m sick of waiting around for change, but also don’t know how to go about it without my partner, because he’s half of the relationship...” — Anonymous Listener “How do you get a spouse on board with ideas and follow through? Do I have to wait around until they’re ready? I’m sick of waiting around for change, but also don’t know how to go about it without my partner, because he’s half of the relationship...” — Anonymous Listener lds, marriage, mormon marriages, eternal marriage, celestial marriage no full 22 da7fb1c6-2319-414e-85f5-55eeacd6bd56 E21 - Information Before Revelation with Llyly and Manuel Valdes Manuel & Llyly Valdes have a Celestial Marriage of 25 years. They met as Manuel was finishing his mission in the Dominican Republic. The beginning of their relationship was orchestrated by a mutual friend who saw them as eternal. She convinced them to write to each other after Manuel returned home from his mission to Australia. Initially through letters, their friendship soon progressed to what is now, a continuous romantic courtship.

Manuel is a senior consultant with an IT solution company based in Melbourne, Australia. Llyly has been a health professional for a number of years and is currently building her own business as a wellness educator. They are the parents of 3 young single adults.

Both have served in various church leadership capacities. Manuel has been a branch president, bishop, and member of several stake presidencies (including a stake president in two stakes). While supporting her husband with his demanding responsibilities, Llyly has also served in stake and ward Relief Society Presidencies, and stake and ward young women presidencies. Recently, they both Served together as Multi-stake YSA advisors for the Melbourne and Tasmania States of Australia. They loved this calling because amongst other things, they got to show off their dancing moves in the various YSA dances.

We met Manuel and Llyly as they had returned to the USA to celebrate their 25th year wedding anniversary by revisiting the San Diego temple where they were sealed in 1993.

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 23:11:23 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Manuel Valdes, Nate Bagley, Llyly Valdes, Angilyn Bagley) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e21-information-before-revelation-with-llyly-and-manuel-valdes-SHANGUS1 Manuel & Llyly Valdes have a Celestial Marriage of 25 years. They met as Manuel was finishing his mission in the Dominican Republic. The beginning of their relationship was orchestrated by a mutual friend who saw them as eternal. She convinced them to write to each other after Manuel returned home from his mission to Australia. Initially through letters, their friendship soon progressed to what is now, a continuous romantic courtship.

Manuel is a senior consultant with an IT solution company based in Melbourne, Australia. Llyly has been a health professional for a number of years and is currently building her own business as a wellness educator. They are the parents of 3 young single adults.

Both have served in various church leadership capacities. Manuel has been a branch president, bishop, and member of several stake presidencies (including a stake president in two stakes). While supporting her husband with his demanding responsibilities, Llyly has also served in stake and ward Relief Society Presidencies, and stake and ward young women presidencies. Recently, they both Served together as Multi-stake YSA advisors for the Melbourne and Tasmania States of Australia. They loved this calling because amongst other things, they got to show off their dancing moves in the various YSA dances.

We met Manuel and Llyly as they had returned to the USA to celebrate their 25th year wedding anniversary by revisiting the San Diego temple where they were sealed in 1993.

]]> E21 - Information Before Revelation with Llyly and Manuel Valdes Manuel Valdes, Nate Bagley, Llyly Valdes, Angilyn Bagley 01:05:20 “… Seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith.” - D&C 88:118 This scripture applies to all aspects of your life - especially your marriage! The Holy Ghost plays a vital role in your life by leading, guiding (walk besiding…), and testifying of truth. However, you must first seek out truth before the Holy Ghost has any material to work with! I remember in college praying so hard that the spirit would help me to do well on a test that I hadn’t had time to study for. Unfortunately, the outcome wasn’t one that I was very happy with. But why?? I read my scriptures daily, I prayed daily, I went to church every week and visited the temple often. I was trying my very best to live my life in a way that was worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost. So, why didn’t He follow through and help me ace my test? Wasn’t I deserving of such a blessing? “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father shall send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.” - John 14:26 The Holy Ghost helps me to remember important and valuable things - but I can’t remember something that isn’t in my brain to begin with! The Holy Ghost wasn’t going to magically give me all the answers to my test. He could inspire me as to what was most important to study, He can help me remember something I learned in my reading, but it was up to me to put forth the effort of studying in the first place. The same goes for your marriage. It can be easy to assume that if both spouses are doing their best to live righteously that everything is going to magically work out. That isn’t how it works. Just like there is an order to everything we do in the gospel, the way we learn and gather information to better our marriages is no different. You must “seek ye out of the best books [or workshops, or podcasts, or therapy, or counseling, or ecclesiastical leaders, or marriage experts, or role models] wisdom.” You must “seek learning, by study and by faith.” “But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.” - D&C 9:8 First comes study, then comes answers. Information before revelation. “… Seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith.” - D&C 88:118 This scripture applies to all aspects of your life - especially your marriage! The Holy Ghost plays a vital role in your life by leading, guiding (walk besiding…), and testifying of truth. However, you must first seek out truth before the Holy Ghost has any material to work with! I remember in college praying so hard that the spirit would help me to do well on a test that I hadn’t had time to study for. Unfortunately, the outcome wasn’t one that I was very happy with. But why?? I read my scriptures daily, I prayed daily, I went to church every week and visited the temple often. I was trying my very best to live my life in a way that was worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost. So, why didn’t He follow through and help me ace my test? Wasn’t I deserving of such a blessing? “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father shall send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.” - John 14:26 The Holy Ghost helps me to remember important and valuable things - but I can’t remember something that isn’t in my brain to begin with! The Holy Ghost wasn’t going to magically give me all the answers to my test. He could inspire me as to what was most important to study, He can help me remember something I learned in my reading, but it was up to me to put forth the effort of studying in the first place. The same goes for your marriage. It can be easy to assume that if both spouses are doing their best to live righteously that everything is going to magically work out. That isn’t how it works. Just like there is an order to everything we do in the gospel, the way we learn and gather information to better our marriages is no different. You must “seek ye out of the best books [or workshops, or podcasts, or therapy, or counseling, or ecclesiastical leaders, or marriage experts, or role models] wisdom.” You must “seek learning, by study and by faith.” “But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.” - D&C 9:8 First comes study, then comes answers. Information before revelation. lds, mormon, mormon marriages, revelation, eternal marriage, celestial marriage, latter-day saints no full 21 d5ef9944-6852-4312-ba2e-ac8e9252d586 E20 - What an LDS Sex Therapist Wishes You Knew Before Your Honeymoon with Alisha Worthington Alisha Worthington has an MSW from USC and a BSW from BYU, and is Co-Author of Real Intimacy, a Couples’ Guide to Real, Genuine Intimacy. Alisha has also sought extensive education regarding sexual health and is a certified 4-D Practitioner and Gottman Trained Educator.

Alisha has been featured on podcasts, blogs, news outlets, and radio and her articles have been read over 1,000,000 times. Alisha has led workshops and presentations on topics such as, Reclaiming Desire, Mother-Daughter Maturation and Sexual Health, Talking to Your Kids About Sex, and The Godly Design of Intimacy.

Alisha has been married 22 years to her husband Bret and describes him as what Thor would be like if he took on the great challenge of having children and raising them. Alisha and Bret are the parents of seven fantastic kids ranging from in age from 7 to 20. As a result, Alisha’s favorite quote is, “Be still, and know that I am God.”

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 23:02:01 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e20-what-an-lds-sex-therapist-wishes-you-knew-before-your-honeymoon-with-alisha-worthington-uCrf56gu Alisha Worthington has an MSW from USC and a BSW from BYU, and is Co-Author of Real Intimacy, a Couples’ Guide to Real, Genuine Intimacy. Alisha has also sought extensive education regarding sexual health and is a certified 4-D Practitioner and Gottman Trained Educator.

Alisha has been featured on podcasts, blogs, news outlets, and radio and her articles have been read over 1,000,000 times. Alisha has led workshops and presentations on topics such as, Reclaiming Desire, Mother-Daughter Maturation and Sexual Health, Talking to Your Kids About Sex, and The Godly Design of Intimacy.

Alisha has been married 22 years to her husband Bret and describes him as what Thor would be like if he took on the great challenge of having children and raising them. Alisha and Bret are the parents of seven fantastic kids ranging from in age from 7 to 20. As a result, Alisha’s favorite quote is, “Be still, and know that I am God.”

]]> E20 - What an LDS Sex Therapist Wishes You Knew Before Your Honeymoon with Alisha Worthington Mormon Marriages 00:50:55 Your big day is quickly approaching. Your wedding night is something you’ve been looking forward to for decades! Becoming husband and wife, getting sealed for eternity, not having to say goodbye at the end of the night, and of course… Sex… Whether you grew up in a home that talked openly about sex, or one where everyone avoided the topic like the plague, there are some important things to consider before your honeymoon. Alisha Worthington is a clinical social worker and sex educator. Many parents send their newly engaged children to chat with Alisha before the big day. In this episode of the podcast, we sat down with her to discuss the most important advice she gives to Latter-Day Saints preparing for a sexual relationship in the near future. Check out today's episode for all the details! Your big day is quickly approaching. Your wedding night is something you’ve been looking forward to for decades! Becoming husband and wife, getting sealed for eternity, not having to say goodbye at the end of the night, and of course… Sex… Whether you grew up in a home that talked openly about sex, or one where everyone avoided the topic like the plague, there are some important things to consider before your honeymoon. Alisha Worthington is a clinical social worker and sex educator. Many parents send their newly engaged children to chat with Alisha before the big day. In this episode of the podcast, we sat down with her to discuss the most important advice she gives to Latter-Day Saints preparing for a sexual relationship in the near future. Check out today's episode for all the details! no full 20 87972af1-9cf1-4575-8a05-7a7c599b5323 E19 - Reconnecting Head and Heart with Thom Harrison Thomas Harrison has been trained in cognitive therapy, psychodynamic therapy, reality-oriented therapy, and relationship therapy. He has been practicing in Utah with a clinical license since 1977. He has taught at the University of Utah Medical School, Graduate School of Social Work and in conflict resolution and divorce mediation at the BYU Law School.

Harrison has postgraduate training in depression, anxiety, sexual, emotional, and physical abuse, sexual addiction, and posttraumatic stress disorders. He has counseled over 4000 survivors of sexual abuse. He treats dissociative disorders and has served on the neuro-trauma team at three hospitals.

He has 40 years of experience and assists in the resolution of problems quickly and in the long run for less cost to the client. He is knowledgeable in traditional psychotropic medication and nontraditional approaches to wellness. He is a skilled therapist. He is the author of three published books.

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 22:47:59 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Thom Harrison, Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e19-reconnecting-head-and-heart-with-thom-harrison-33lVMDQH Thomas Harrison has been trained in cognitive therapy, psychodynamic therapy, reality-oriented therapy, and relationship therapy. He has been practicing in Utah with a clinical license since 1977. He has taught at the University of Utah Medical School, Graduate School of Social Work and in conflict resolution and divorce mediation at the BYU Law School.

Harrison has postgraduate training in depression, anxiety, sexual, emotional, and physical abuse, sexual addiction, and posttraumatic stress disorders. He has counseled over 4000 survivors of sexual abuse. He treats dissociative disorders and has served on the neuro-trauma team at three hospitals.

He has 40 years of experience and assists in the resolution of problems quickly and in the long run for less cost to the client. He is knowledgeable in traditional psychotropic medication and nontraditional approaches to wellness. He is a skilled therapist. He is the author of three published books.

]]> E19 - Reconnecting Head and Heart with Thom Harrison Thom Harrison, Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley 00:53:22 In the beginning, God created man after his own likeness (D&C 20:18) And as Thom Harrison likes to say, “God doesn’t create junk.” Our bodies are a wonder. The way all the parts and pieces work together in harmony is nothing short of a miracle. When you were formed in the womb, your heart was the first organ to take shape and begin to function. In beautiful synchrony, it began to play a vital role with other organs and chemicals and hormones to further your physical development. When you were finally born, the heart and the brain had an inseperable bond, working harmoniously together as your explored and discovered your earthly experience. As life goes on, the bond between head and heart can become fractured. Whether through physical trauma, chemical imbalances, pregnancy, life changes, or emotional stressors, mental illness affects all of us in one way or another. We see it in our spouses, we see it in our families, and we see it in ourselves. Somewhere down the line, society began to take God out of dealing with mental illness. Why would we exclude the one being who knows how to reconnect our heads and our hearts better than anyone else? In this week’s episode of the podcast, Thom Harrison talks about his determination to bring God back into the discussion of mental illness. God made you, so he can heal you! In the beginning, God created man after his own likeness (D&C 20:18) And as Thom Harrison likes to say, “God doesn’t create junk.” Our bodies are a wonder. The way all the parts and pieces work together in harmony is nothing short of a miracle. When you were formed in the womb, your heart was the first organ to take shape and begin to function. In beautiful synchrony, it began to play a vital role with other organs and chemicals and hormones to further your physical development. When you were finally born, the heart and the brain had an inseperable bond, working harmoniously together as your explored and discovered your earthly experience. As life goes on, the bond between head and heart can become fractured. Whether through physical trauma, chemical imbalances, pregnancy, life changes, or emotional stressors, mental illness affects all of us in one way or another. We see it in our spouses, we see it in our families, and we see it in ourselves. Somewhere down the line, society began to take God out of dealing with mental illness. Why would we exclude the one being who knows how to reconnect our heads and our hearts better than anyone else? In this week’s episode of the podcast, Thom Harrison talks about his determination to bring God back into the discussion of mental illness. God made you, so he can heal you! lds, thom harrison, mormon marriages, eternal marriage, celestial marriage no full 19 b218d7a4-e8ca-41c2-8b5e-2a9553aedd39 E18 - Choosing Adventure with The Jurgy's Adventure Traveling Family of Three. Ourselves in 5 words:

NELLIE - Outdoors, Yoga, Climbing, Painting, Running

BRYCE - Entrepreneurial, Film, Basketball, Guitar, Travel

AVALYN - Milkies, Giggles, Dirt, Sunlight, Trees

In 2015, Nells had a health scare that pushed us to finally pursue our dreams and adventure the world. We started our Youtube channel in hopes to inspire others to adventure more & also to have memories for us. We began hiding treasure bottles everywhere we adventured. Whoever found them received outdoor gear, a vacation, or even money. Go find one!! 

We hope that by sharing our adventures with you, it inspires you to do the same. Do something memorable this week!

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 22:41:48 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley, Nellie Jurgensmeier, Bryce Jurgensmeier) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e18-choosing-adventure-with-the-jurgys-WIp1rWfD Adventure Traveling Family of Three. Ourselves in 5 words:

NELLIE - Outdoors, Yoga, Climbing, Painting, Running

BRYCE - Entrepreneurial, Film, Basketball, Guitar, Travel

AVALYN - Milkies, Giggles, Dirt, Sunlight, Trees

In 2015, Nells had a health scare that pushed us to finally pursue our dreams and adventure the world. We started our Youtube channel in hopes to inspire others to adventure more & also to have memories for us. We began hiding treasure bottles everywhere we adventured. Whoever found them received outdoor gear, a vacation, or even money. Go find one!! 

We hope that by sharing our adventures with you, it inspires you to do the same. Do something memorable this week!

]]> E18 - Choosing Adventure with The Jurgy's Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley, Nellie Jurgensmeier, Bryce Jurgensmeier 00:36:26 What are your dreams? What adventures call to you? What hobby do you want to start? What idea keeps tickling the back of your mind? How many times do these things cross your mind and the first words that come to your head are: “I can’t.” “It’s impossible.” “It’s not in my cards right now.” “I’ll try tomorrow/next month/next year/in ten years….” Bryce and Nellie Jurgensmeier were all too familiar with these thoughts. Bryce had wanted to start a YouTube channel for quite some time, but something always held him back. A health scare in 2015 completely changed their perspectives on pursuing their dreams. What happens when you keep waiting for tomorrow, and then tomorrow never comes? Now, they’re a full-time travel family, currently adventuring through all 50 states in their RV home. What are your dreams? What adventures call to you? What hobby do you want to start? What idea keeps tickling the back of your mind? How many times do these things cross your mind and the first words that come to your head are: “I can’t.” “It’s impossible.” “It’s not in my cards right now.” “I’ll try tomorrow/next month/next year/in ten years….” Bryce and Nellie Jurgensmeier were all too familiar with these thoughts. Bryce had wanted to start a YouTube channel for quite some time, but something always held him back. A health scare in 2015 completely changed their perspectives on pursuing their dreams. What happens when you keep waiting for tomorrow, and then tomorrow never comes? Now, they’re a full-time travel family, currently adventuring through all 50 states in their RV home. lds, mormon marriages, the jurgy's, eternal marriage, celestial marriage, latter-day saints no full 18 35dabc83-67ec-44d8-a6c7-b7ea2af17440 E17 - God Is In The Details with Kim and Treagan White Treagan and Kim White have been married for 10 years. They have one very strong-willed six year old girl who keeps them going. They enjoy outdoor adventures and discovering new places to explore. Their world was rocked when Kim was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer (adrenocortical carcinoma) in 2014. They lost their second child at 18 weeks of pregnancy, during Kim’s initial treatment. She was told she only had a few months to live, but those who know Kim know she’s not the type to accept someone telling her what she can and can’t do. So, fighting cancer is this couple’s new norm. They have learned so much about what really matters in this life. They’ve been knocked down so many times that getting back up is just a habit. Together, they have come to know about change, starting over, forgiveness, unconditional love, and daily progress. Cancer has not only blessed their life but it saved their marriage.

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 22:30:13 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Angilyn Bagley, Kim White, Nate Bagley, Treagan White) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e17-god-is-in-the-details-with-kim-and-treagan-white-tWCk7mPk Treagan and Kim White have been married for 10 years. They have one very strong-willed six year old girl who keeps them going. They enjoy outdoor adventures and discovering new places to explore. Their world was rocked when Kim was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer (adrenocortical carcinoma) in 2014. They lost their second child at 18 weeks of pregnancy, during Kim’s initial treatment. She was told she only had a few months to live, but those who know Kim know she’s not the type to accept someone telling her what she can and can’t do. So, fighting cancer is this couple’s new norm. They have learned so much about what really matters in this life. They’ve been knocked down so many times that getting back up is just a habit. Together, they have come to know about change, starting over, forgiveness, unconditional love, and daily progress. Cancer has not only blessed their life but it saved their marriage.

]]> E17 - God Is In The Details with Kim and Treagan White Angilyn Bagley, Kim White, Nate Bagley, Treagan White 01:01:43 “Life sucks sometimes, and that’s the honest truth. But, it’s the crappy parts - that type of devastation and that type of pain - that allows you to experience the purest form of joy in your entire life.” - Kim White Imagine you were just given a few months left to live…. What would change? How would you look at life differently? Would your values and priorities stay the same? How would you want to spend your time? This is exactly what Kim and Treagan White experienced. Kim was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of cancer, turning their lives completely upside-down. They were told it would be a miracle if she made it a few months, let alone an entire year. Treatment after treatment, surgery after surgery, and miracle after miracle, almost five years have passed since then, and she’s still alive. “Life sucks sometimes, and that’s the honest truth. But, it’s the crappy parts - that type of devastation and that type of pain - that allows you to experience the purest form of joy in your entire life.” - Kim White Imagine you were just given a few months left to live…. What would change? How would you look at life differently? Would your values and priorities stay the same? How would you want to spend your time? This is exactly what Kim and Treagan White experienced. Kim was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of cancer, turning their lives completely upside-down. They were told it would be a miracle if she made it a few months, let alone an entire year. Treatment after treatment, surgery after surgery, and miracle after miracle, almost five years have passed since then, and she’s still alive. lds, mormon, mormon marriages, terminal illness, cancer, eternal marriage, celestial marriage no full 17 2e5c6d83-f469-4569-bfcd-c778c7e257d6 E16 - The Divinity of Desire with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife Anniversary Re-Launch Dr. Finlayson-Fife is a licensed psychotherapist with a Ph.D in Counseling Psychology from Boston College. She wrote her dissertation on LDS women and sexuality, has taught college-level courses on human sexuality, and currently teaches online and community-based relationship and sexuality courses to LDS couples. She is a frequent contributor on the subjects of sexuality, mental health, and spirituality to LDS-themed blogs, magazines, and podcasts. She maintains a private practice in Chicago where she lives with her husband and three children. She is an active member of the LDS church.

2:35 Jennifer’s workshop “Art of Desire”

4:15 The meaning frames that humans create to justify or explain their circumstances

6:45 It is necessary to integrate your god-given sexuality

8:00 “False tradition” says that sexuality is a necessary evil

8:35 Mormon theology for sexuality

9:10 Ways to be evil

10:15 Sexuality and goodness

11:15 Adjusting to marriage

14:00 Steps to cultivating god-given desire

14:30 we run our own sexuality, it doesn’t run us

16:45 What happens when you’re afraid of your sexuality (repression or indulgence)

18:15 Sexual contract - marriage is a chosen relationship; to know and be known

20:45 Marriage pushes your development

21:30 What can my marriage teach me?

22:15 “Ticks and moles”

23:10 You live in the environment that you create

23:45 We self deceive and collude in not dealing with troubles (polite marriage vs intimate marriage)

24:15 Measuring quality of marriage

25:30 Can there be room for the best of both partners? We often want our own limitations to prevail while expecting our spouses’ limitations to disappear

26:00 Victim mentality (guilt your spouse into submission) It may look like there’s peace, but there will be underlying anger and resentment.

27:00 Unrealistic fantasy of “oneness”

28:00 Using the validation of others to sustain your own sense of self

28:50 “In the name of Love, we can sometimes suck the lives out of our spouses” (validate me, reinforce me)

29:45 Choose to love someone, limitations and all

30:00 Breaking the bond of using someone else for your own validation

31:40 Even if your partner says all the right words, it won’t land anywhere if you don’t feel it in your heart

32:30 Taking accountability for your own life

33:15 “False tradition” if women want to develop vs nurture, then they are selfish (we’ve come to earth to develop and create)

34:30 Create a sense of self

34:50 Self deception is Satan’s path

35:20 Taking responsibility for your own emotions

37:25 Don’t try to manage your partner in order to manage yourself. Trying to control things we have no control over, like our spouses, distracts us from focusing on what we CAN control, like ourselves

38:45 What are my blind spots that I have yet to confront?

39:00 One of the kindest things you can do for your partner is to manage yourself (anxiety is infectious). This allows them to in turn manage THEMSELVES

40:20 Ask yourself “what am I pretending not to know about my role in these circumstances”

41:00 Confronting yourself is a scary thing, especially in a sexual relationship

42:00 Own your own desire and ask for what you want vs covert contracts

42:45 Owning your desire exposes you to the possibility of rejection. This is true intimacy and true vulnerability

43:20 “you’re not allowed to complain about not getting something you’ve never asked for”

44:05 it’s easier to sit in an entitled resentment thinking “you owe me” instead of asking for what you want and risking not getting it.

44:45 When we don’t take responsibility of our desires, we stunt the development of our marriages and of ourselves

44:55 if you’re not getting what you want in your marriage - #1 have you asked for it? #2 are you doing your part to create the possibility of getting it?

46:40 We’re good at thinking about all of the things we think we are owed, but not so good at confronting our part in he negative reality we are living in

47:10 Make it easy for your partner to give you what you want

48:25 The theology of Mormonism contains the architecture for creating amazing marriages

49:15 you come to know God through behavior, not ideas. It’s the way you act in our marriage that is a reflection of how much you understand God.

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 22:21:03 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e16-the-divinity-of-desire-with-dr-jennifer-finlayson-fife-anniversary-re-launch-UJHaNfvr Dr. Finlayson-Fife is a licensed psychotherapist with a Ph.D in Counseling Psychology from Boston College. She wrote her dissertation on LDS women and sexuality, has taught college-level courses on human sexuality, and currently teaches online and community-based relationship and sexuality courses to LDS couples. She is a frequent contributor on the subjects of sexuality, mental health, and spirituality to LDS-themed blogs, magazines, and podcasts. She maintains a private practice in Chicago where she lives with her husband and three children. She is an active member of the LDS church.

2:35 Jennifer’s workshop “Art of Desire”

4:15 The meaning frames that humans create to justify or explain their circumstances

6:45 It is necessary to integrate your god-given sexuality

8:00 “False tradition” says that sexuality is a necessary evil

8:35 Mormon theology for sexuality

9:10 Ways to be evil

10:15 Sexuality and goodness

11:15 Adjusting to marriage

14:00 Steps to cultivating god-given desire

14:30 we run our own sexuality, it doesn’t run us

16:45 What happens when you’re afraid of your sexuality (repression or indulgence)

18:15 Sexual contract - marriage is a chosen relationship; to know and be known

20:45 Marriage pushes your development

21:30 What can my marriage teach me?

22:15 “Ticks and moles”

23:10 You live in the environment that you create

23:45 We self deceive and collude in not dealing with troubles (polite marriage vs intimate marriage)

24:15 Measuring quality of marriage

25:30 Can there be room for the best of both partners? We often want our own limitations to prevail while expecting our spouses’ limitations to disappear

26:00 Victim mentality (guilt your spouse into submission) It may look like there’s peace, but there will be underlying anger and resentment.

27:00 Unrealistic fantasy of “oneness”

28:00 Using the validation of others to sustain your own sense of self

28:50 “In the name of Love, we can sometimes suck the lives out of our spouses” (validate me, reinforce me)

29:45 Choose to love someone, limitations and all

30:00 Breaking the bond of using someone else for your own validation

31:40 Even if your partner says all the right words, it won’t land anywhere if you don’t feel it in your heart

32:30 Taking accountability for your own life

33:15 “False tradition” if women want to develop vs nurture, then they are selfish (we’ve come to earth to develop and create)

34:30 Create a sense of self

34:50 Self deception is Satan’s path

35:20 Taking responsibility for your own emotions

37:25 Don’t try to manage your partner in order to manage yourself. Trying to control things we have no control over, like our spouses, distracts us from focusing on what we CAN control, like ourselves

38:45 What are my blind spots that I have yet to confront?

39:00 One of the kindest things you can do for your partner is to manage yourself (anxiety is infectious). This allows them to in turn manage THEMSELVES

40:20 Ask yourself “what am I pretending not to know about my role in these circumstances”

41:00 Confronting yourself is a scary thing, especially in a sexual relationship

42:00 Own your own desire and ask for what you want vs covert contracts

42:45 Owning your desire exposes you to the possibility of rejection. This is true intimacy and true vulnerability

43:20 “you’re not allowed to complain about not getting something you’ve never asked for”

44:05 it’s easier to sit in an entitled resentment thinking “you owe me” instead of asking for what you want and risking not getting it.

44:45 When we don’t take responsibility of our desires, we stunt the development of our marriages and of ourselves

44:55 if you’re not getting what you want in your marriage - #1 have you asked for it? #2 are you doing your part to create the possibility of getting it?

46:40 We’re good at thinking about all of the things we think we are owed, but not so good at confronting our part in he negative reality we are living in

47:10 Make it easy for your partner to give you what you want

48:25 The theology of Mormonism contains the architecture for creating amazing marriages

49:15 you come to know God through behavior, not ideas. It’s the way you act in our marriage that is a reflection of how much you understand God.

]]> E16 - The Divinity of Desire with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife Anniversary Re-Launch Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley 00:50:57 Stories are powerful. When a story is based in truth, it resonates with our soul. These truth-based inner-narratives inspire growth, unlock doors of opportunity and progress, and can even transform a life. Stories that aren’t based on truth will completely undermine your relationship with God, destroy your marriages, and corrode our life. Part of learning our journey to become more like Christ involves learning to tell powerful, truth-based stories, and identify when our own stories and the stories of others are based on falsehoods. Stories are powerful. When a story is based in truth, it resonates with our soul. These truth-based inner-narratives inspire growth, unlock doors of opportunity and progress, and can even transform a life. Stories that aren’t based on truth will completely undermine your relationship with God, destroy your marriages, and corrode our life. Part of learning our journey to become more like Christ involves learning to tell powerful, truth-based stories, and identify when our own stories and the stories of others are based on falsehoods. lds, ask a mormon sex therapist, passion, mormon marriages, mormon sex therapist, desire, sex, eternal marriage, celestial marriage, true love no full 16 c10ac56d-c734-4bff-b199-70cfd8e61936 E15 - What To Do When You're Frustrated With Your Partner Q&A with Nate & Angilyn If you want one of your own questions answered on the podcast, send it to us here.

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 22:06:40 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e15-what-to-do-when-youre-frustrated-with-your-partner-qa-with-nate-angilyn-z162EIuO If you want one of your own questions answered on the podcast, send it to us here.

]]> E15 - What To Do When You're Frustrated With Your Partner Q&A with Nate & Angilyn Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley 00:44:50 The world that you live in is heavily influenced by the stories you tell yourself - whether they are true or not. What story are you telling yourself about your relationship? Is it true? How do you know? In this week’s episode of the podcast, we answer a question from one of our listeners. We talk about how the stories you tell yourselves and what you choose to focus on has a direct correlation with the quality of your relationship. Do you focus on the giant pile of dishes in the sink, or on the amazing dinner your spouse made you? Do you focus on the dirty socks left next to the bed, or freshly shoveled driveway? Do you focus on all the hours your partner spends apart from you, or on all the hard work being done to provide for the family? What you tell yourself is what you believe. What you choose to see becomes your own reality. Give this week’s episode a listen to learn how to assure that the stories you are telling yourself are in your favor. The world that you live in is heavily influenced by the stories you tell yourself - whether they are true or not. What story are you telling yourself about your relationship? Is it true? How do you know? In this week’s episode of the podcast, we answer a question from one of our listeners. We talk about how the stories you tell yourselves and what you choose to focus on has a direct correlation with the quality of your relationship. Do you focus on the giant pile of dishes in the sink, or on the amazing dinner your spouse made you? Do you focus on the dirty socks left next to the bed, or freshly shoveled driveway? Do you focus on all the hours your partner spends apart from you, or on all the hard work being done to provide for the family? What you tell yourself is what you believe. What you choose to see becomes your own reality. Give this week’s episode a listen to learn how to assure that the stories you are telling yourself are in your favor. lds, mormon marriage, conflict management, eternal marriage, celestial marriage, latter-day saints no full 15 d9b5b863-9925-4bbc-8208-28af7cca219f E14 - The Hero's Journey with Jake and Kristin Hodson IN THIS WEEK’S EPISODE OF THE PODCAST WE TALK WITH JAKE AND KRISTIN HODSON ABOUT THEIR OWN KIND OF HERO’S JOURNEY.

At the end of 2017, Jake and Kristin realized that they were living their lives in fast forward. With two successful careers, soccer practice, gymnastics, doctor’s appointments, church callings, family and friend duties, and more they felt like they were barely keeping their heads above water rather than being in control of their own lives.

Jake mentioned the Three Deadly C’s that had a hold on their family:

Consumption, Convenience, and Comfort.

Jake and Kris have been married for 12 years and are parents to three wild things ages 10, 7, 4.  They've worked hard throughout the course of their marriage to become partners in parenting, professional pursuits, and personal passions which include travel adventures, surfing, yoga, snowboarding, and anything water related. 

Jake is a Certified Yoga Instructor and works full-time in the professional world of commercial real estate. Kris is a Certified Sex Therapist,  founder of The Healing Group, a mental health clinic in Salt Lake City, author Real Intimacy: A Couple's Guide to Genuine, Healthy Sexuality, and a regular speaker on sexual health. You can find more about them at TheTaoOfHodson.com

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 21:43:06 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Kristin Hodson, Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley, Jake Hodson) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e14-the-heros-journey-with-jake-and-kristin-hodson-FovrXoEI IN THIS WEEK’S EPISODE OF THE PODCAST WE TALK WITH JAKE AND KRISTIN HODSON ABOUT THEIR OWN KIND OF HERO’S JOURNEY.

At the end of 2017, Jake and Kristin realized that they were living their lives in fast forward. With two successful careers, soccer practice, gymnastics, doctor’s appointments, church callings, family and friend duties, and more they felt like they were barely keeping their heads above water rather than being in control of their own lives.

Jake mentioned the Three Deadly C’s that had a hold on their family:

Consumption, Convenience, and Comfort.

Jake and Kris have been married for 12 years and are parents to three wild things ages 10, 7, 4.  They've worked hard throughout the course of their marriage to become partners in parenting, professional pursuits, and personal passions which include travel adventures, surfing, yoga, snowboarding, and anything water related. 

Jake is a Certified Yoga Instructor and works full-time in the professional world of commercial real estate. Kris is a Certified Sex Therapist,  founder of The Healing Group, a mental health clinic in Salt Lake City, author Real Intimacy: A Couple's Guide to Genuine, Healthy Sexuality, and a regular speaker on sexual health. You can find more about them at TheTaoOfHodson.com

]]> E14 - The Hero's Journey with Jake and Kristin Hodson Kristin Hodson, Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley, Jake Hodson 01:02:59 Think about some of your favorite Heroes and the amazing feats they accomplished. Harry Potter conquered Voldemort and saved the wizarding world. Luke Skywalker destroyed the Death Star and saved entire planets from complete destruction. Rapunzel escaped from the evil witch and found her parents again. Frodo destroyed “the ring to rule them all” allowing middle earth to finally live in peace. The Sons of Mosiah succeeded in converting thousands of Lamanites to the gospel. We love these stories! The characters teach us so many things about bravery and strength. They are courageous when the way seems hopeless, and they continue forward even when it’s hard. In the end, they accomplish things they never imagine they would! Though each of their stories and journeys were different, every one of these characters had a specific thing in common: They all left home. Harry left the Dursley’s. Luke left Tatooine. Rapunzel left her tower. Frodo left the shire. The Sons of Mosiah left their kingdom. Each of them had to take a step away from comfort and familiarity and embark into the unknown. They had to leave behind certain parts of themselves in order to being their hero’s journey. Think about some of your favorite Heroes and the amazing feats they accomplished. Harry Potter conquered Voldemort and saved the wizarding world. Luke Skywalker destroyed the Death Star and saved entire planets from complete destruction. Rapunzel escaped from the evil witch and found her parents again. Frodo destroyed “the ring to rule them all” allowing middle earth to finally live in peace. The Sons of Mosiah succeeded in converting thousands of Lamanites to the gospel. We love these stories! The characters teach us so many things about bravery and strength. They are courageous when the way seems hopeless, and they continue forward even when it’s hard. In the end, they accomplish things they never imagine they would! Though each of their stories and journeys were different, every one of these characters had a specific thing in common: They all left home. Harry left the Dursley’s. Luke left Tatooine. Rapunzel left her tower. Frodo left the shire. The Sons of Mosiah left their kingdom. Each of them had to take a step away from comfort and familiarity and embark into the unknown. They had to leave behind certain parts of themselves in order to being their hero’s journey. lds, mormon, the healing group, mormon marriages, mormon marriage, hero's journey, kristin hodson, nate bagley, 3 c's, lds hero's journey, celestial marriage, latter-day saints no full 14 ea5bebbb-829c-4510-a81e-840efd1bb620 E13 - The "M" Word with Daniel Burgess, MA, LMFT Daniel A. Burgess, MA, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in sexuality and relationships. He has also worked as a consultant in Silicon Valley, as well as volunteered within the community in various roles.

Daniel is a blogger, speaker, and author of “Reconciling our Divine Sexual Identity”, scheduled for release in early 2019. He also runs an engaging and informative Facebook group discussing marriage and sexuality in the faith, “Improving Intimacy in Mormon Marriages”. For additional resources or questions, connect with him at daniel.burgess@gmail.com. You can also schedule a video appointment with him here.

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 21:34:57 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Daniel Burgess, Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e13-the-m-word-with-daniel-burgess-ma-lmft-wLnVua8Z Daniel A. Burgess, MA, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in sexuality and relationships. He has also worked as a consultant in Silicon Valley, as well as volunteered within the community in various roles.

Daniel is a blogger, speaker, and author of “Reconciling our Divine Sexual Identity”, scheduled for release in early 2019. He also runs an engaging and informative Facebook group discussing marriage and sexuality in the faith, “Improving Intimacy in Mormon Marriages”. For additional resources or questions, connect with him at daniel.burgess@gmail.com. You can also schedule a video appointment with him here.

]]> E13 - The "M" Word with Daniel Burgess, MA, LMFT Daniel Burgess, Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley 00:53:39 “Shame needs three things to grow exponentially in our lives: secrecy, silence, and judgment.” - Brené Brown He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named That’s the phrase everyone used to refer to the villain, Voldemort in the popular Harry Potter book series. They used the title “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” instead of saying his actual name because they were afraid of him. You might even argue that they were trying to avoid any association with him… or as we’d say in our community, they were “avoiding the appearance of evil.” But in the first book of the series, Professor Dumbledore teaches Harry something powerfully important. “Call him Voldemort, Harry. Always use the proper name for things. Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.” Just like in the wizarding world, there are things in the Latter-Day Saint community that many of us avoid talking about. They are words and topics that make us feel uncomfortable and awkward. If you’re like most people raised in a conservative home, your family had “Voldemorts” that you simply did not talk about. Doing so would result in shame, guilt, and judgement. These topics were just too difficult, too nuanced, or too emotionally charged to address directly. It was much easier to just avoid them all together and pretend they didn’t exist. The problem is, when you refuse to talk about something, you just give that thing power over you. You never develop the skills to talk about it, to wrestle with it, and to truly understand it. “Shame needs three things to grow exponentially in our lives: secrecy, silence, and judgment.” - Brené Brown He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named That’s the phrase everyone used to refer to the villain, Voldemort in the popular Harry Potter book series. They used the title “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” instead of saying his actual name because they were afraid of him. You might even argue that they were trying to avoid any association with him… or as we’d say in our community, they were “avoiding the appearance of evil.” But in the first book of the series, Professor Dumbledore teaches Harry something powerfully important. “Call him Voldemort, Harry. Always use the proper name for things. Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.” Just like in the wizarding world, there are things in the Latter-Day Saint community that many of us avoid talking about. They are words and topics that make us feel uncomfortable and awkward. If you’re like most people raised in a conservative home, your family had “Voldemorts” that you simply did not talk about. Doing so would result in shame, guilt, and judgement. These topics were just too difficult, too nuanced, or too emotionally charged to address directly. It was much easier to just avoid them all together and pretend they didn’t exist. The problem is, when you refuse to talk about something, you just give that thing power over you. You never develop the skills to talk about it, to wrestle with it, and to truly understand it. lds, masturbation, lds sexuality, mormon, mormon marriages, mormon marriage, latter-day saint, celestial marriage, lds marriage no full 13 5611d321-7c5d-475b-abcd-b3909e1aff8c E12 - Experiment Upon The Word with Celeste and Rich Davis What if you want so much more, but you don’t even know where to start?

Let’s see what Alma had to say about this:

“But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.” -Alma 32:27

In other words, if you’ve got a desire to have an awesome marriage, then you’ve already begun. The next step is to slap on those rubber gloves and protective goggles and start experimenting.

experiment

ex·per·i·ment  \ ikˈsperəmənt \

noun: a course of action tentatively adopted without being sure of the eventual outcome.

verb: try out new concepts or ways of doing things.

My favorite part of this definition is, “without being sure of the eventual outcome.” Sometimes you need to step out of your comfort zone and give something a try even if you have no idea what is going to come out of it. (See 1 Nephi 4:6-7)

In this week’s episode of the podcast, we sat down with Celeste and Rich Davis from the Marriage Laboratory to talk about the importance of experimenting.

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 21:28:22 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley, Rich Davis, Celeste Davis) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e12-experiment-upon-the-word-with-celeste-and-rich-davis-cppmi6JD What if you want so much more, but you don’t even know where to start?

Let’s see what Alma had to say about this:

“But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.” -Alma 32:27

In other words, if you’ve got a desire to have an awesome marriage, then you’ve already begun. The next step is to slap on those rubber gloves and protective goggles and start experimenting.

experiment

ex·per·i·ment  \ ikˈsperəmənt \

noun: a course of action tentatively adopted without being sure of the eventual outcome.

verb: try out new concepts or ways of doing things.

My favorite part of this definition is, “without being sure of the eventual outcome.” Sometimes you need to step out of your comfort zone and give something a try even if you have no idea what is going to come out of it. (See 1 Nephi 4:6-7)

In this week’s episode of the podcast, we sat down with Celeste and Rich Davis from the Marriage Laboratory to talk about the importance of experimenting.

]]> E12 - Experiment Upon The Word with Celeste and Rich Davis Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley, Rich Davis, Celeste Davis 00:55:47 Think about your wedding day. What were some of the feelings and emotions you were experiencing? If you’re anything like me, I felt an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. Getting married was the day I had looked forward to ever since I was a little girl. Everything I did in life somehow related to this goal of finding my one true love and sealing our lives together for time and all eternity. In my mind, August 19th, 2016 would forever go down as the moment I had finally arrived. I made it! I reached my ultimate goal! Though it’s only been two short years since that day, it didn’t take me long to realize how wrong I was. MARRIAGE IS NOT A DESTINATION. It’s not about the wedding rings, the venue or the photographer. It’s not about what song you had your first dance to, or the flavor of the cake you smooshed in his face. That stuff is only the beginning. It’s only the first step. Marriage is everything that comes after all that! Think about your wedding day. What were some of the feelings and emotions you were experiencing? If you’re anything like me, I felt an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. Getting married was the day I had looked forward to ever since I was a little girl. Everything I did in life somehow related to this goal of finding my one true love and sealing our lives together for time and all eternity. In my mind, August 19th, 2016 would forever go down as the moment I had finally arrived. I made it! I reached my ultimate goal! Though it’s only been two short years since that day, it didn’t take me long to realize how wrong I was. MARRIAGE IS NOT A DESTINATION. It’s not about the wedding rings, the venue or the photographer. It’s not about what song you had your first dance to, or the flavor of the cake you smooshed in his face. That stuff is only the beginning. It’s only the first step. Marriage is everything that comes after all that! marriage laboratory, lds, mormon, mormon marriages, celeste davis, latter-day saint, angilyn bagley, eternal marriage, nate bagley, celestial marriage no full 12 a7f35f05-1677-49fc-9673-f715d03b13cc E11 - Spare It A Little Longer with Nate and Angilyn Jacob 5…

It is by far the longest chapter in the Book of Mormon. In seventy-seven verses spanning across six and a half pages, Jacob introduces us to the allegory of the olive tree.

Growing up, I dreaded getting to this chapter. It was so long! To be honest, I didn’t really get the point of it. There’s lots of trees and the Lord and his servant go and graft in a bunch of branches and spread a bunch of poop on them, gather up the bad branches to burn them, they go back and forth between good fruit and bad…. yada yada…. On to the next chapter!

It wasn’t until I was older that I realized the life-altering lesson in this allegory that I had been missing out on all those years. As I read each verse, the story came alive to me in my mind.

We are the olive trees. Each of us. You and me.

The Lord of the Vineyard (Heavenly Father) and his servant (Jesus Christ) are working so hard on us. They labor and anguish over us - doing everything in their power to help us grow and develop. They are digging about our roots, casting out the bad in us and cultivating the good.

Sometimes, they rejoice because the fruit we are producing is good! And sometimes, they mourn because the fruit we produce is less than ideal. We can be easily corrupted, the wild branches taking over and running rampant in our lives.

At one point in the story, the Lord of the Vineyard is about to “hew down” and cast all the trees in the fire. None of them were producing the desired fruit and he lamented saying, “What more could I have done?”

The following verse has forever changed my outlook on life:

But, behold, the servant said unto the Lord of the vineyard: Spare it a little longer.

Spare it a little longer.

A simple phrase that teaches a profound lesson.

The servant goes on to describe that though the branches have gone wild and the fruit is good for nothing, the roots are still good. They are not too far gone.

They can still be saved.

No matter what point we are at on our journey, no matter what fruit we are currently producing, deep down our roots are good.

Our current state does not define who we are. The Lord and his servant continue to tirelessly work on us, little by little, until the bad has been eradicated and we reach our divine potential of goodness.

Do not judge someone for where they are at in their journey. Do not give up if you are not yet where you want to be. Your failures can become your greatest life lessons.

Keep going. Keep trying. Allow the Lord to work in your life. It is never too late.

Whenever you’re tempted to throw in the towel and stop trying, whether in your life or in your marriage, remember those five powerful words:

Spare it a little longer.

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 21:16:42 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e11-spare-it-a-little-longer-with-nate-and-angilyn-BIFMj4Nu Jacob 5…

It is by far the longest chapter in the Book of Mormon. In seventy-seven verses spanning across six and a half pages, Jacob introduces us to the allegory of the olive tree.

Growing up, I dreaded getting to this chapter. It was so long! To be honest, I didn’t really get the point of it. There’s lots of trees and the Lord and his servant go and graft in a bunch of branches and spread a bunch of poop on them, gather up the bad branches to burn them, they go back and forth between good fruit and bad…. yada yada…. On to the next chapter!

It wasn’t until I was older that I realized the life-altering lesson in this allegory that I had been missing out on all those years. As I read each verse, the story came alive to me in my mind.

We are the olive trees. Each of us. You and me.

The Lord of the Vineyard (Heavenly Father) and his servant (Jesus Christ) are working so hard on us. They labor and anguish over us - doing everything in their power to help us grow and develop. They are digging about our roots, casting out the bad in us and cultivating the good.

Sometimes, they rejoice because the fruit we are producing is good! And sometimes, they mourn because the fruit we produce is less than ideal. We can be easily corrupted, the wild branches taking over and running rampant in our lives.

At one point in the story, the Lord of the Vineyard is about to “hew down” and cast all the trees in the fire. None of them were producing the desired fruit and he lamented saying, “What more could I have done?”

The following verse has forever changed my outlook on life:

But, behold, the servant said unto the Lord of the vineyard: Spare it a little longer.

Spare it a little longer.

A simple phrase that teaches a profound lesson.

The servant goes on to describe that though the branches have gone wild and the fruit is good for nothing, the roots are still good. They are not too far gone.

They can still be saved.

No matter what point we are at on our journey, no matter what fruit we are currently producing, deep down our roots are good.

Our current state does not define who we are. The Lord and his servant continue to tirelessly work on us, little by little, until the bad has been eradicated and we reach our divine potential of goodness.

Do not judge someone for where they are at in their journey. Do not give up if you are not yet where you want to be. Your failures can become your greatest life lessons.

Keep going. Keep trying. Allow the Lord to work in your life. It is never too late.

Whenever you’re tempted to throw in the towel and stop trying, whether in your life or in your marriage, remember those five powerful words:

Spare it a little longer.

]]> E11 - Spare It A Little Longer with Nate and Angilyn Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley 00:39:20 Spare it a little longer. A simple phrase that teaches a profound lesson. Though the branches have gone wild and the fruit is good for nothing, the roots are still good. They are not too far gone. They can still be saved. No matter what point we are at on our journey, no matter what fruit we are currently producing, deep down our roots are good. Our current state does not define who we are. The Lord and his servant continue to tirelessly work on us, little by little, until the bad has been eradicated and we reach our divine potential of goodness. Do not judge someone for where they are at in their journey. Do not give up if you are not yet where you want to be. Your failures can become your greatest life lessons. Keep going. Keep trying. Allow the Lord to work in your life. It is never too late. Whenever you’re tempted to throw in the towel and stop trying, whether in your life or in your marriage, remember those five powerful words: Spare it a little longer. Spare it a little longer. A simple phrase that teaches a profound lesson. Though the branches have gone wild and the fruit is good for nothing, the roots are still good. They are not too far gone. They can still be saved. No matter what point we are at on our journey, no matter what fruit we are currently producing, deep down our roots are good. Our current state does not define who we are. The Lord and his servant continue to tirelessly work on us, little by little, until the bad has been eradicated and we reach our divine potential of goodness. Do not judge someone for where they are at in their journey. Do not give up if you are not yet where you want to be. Your failures can become your greatest life lessons. Keep going. Keep trying. Allow the Lord to work in your life. It is never too late. Whenever you’re tempted to throw in the towel and stop trying, whether in your life or in your marriage, remember those five powerful words: Spare it a little longer. lds, mormon, mormon marriages, mormon marriage, eternal marriage, celestial marriage, patience, spare it a little longer no full 11 d48c5fd7-c970-4a40-b6fd-30d3a580971e E10 - Conscious Living with Josh & KC Brothers Josh and KC Brothers met on Tinder and have been messaging each other ever since! Early on in their relationship, they had discussions about their roles as stewards--not only of the Earth, but of each other. This led them to start making small changes in the way they live that would have a positive impact in their relationship with their home, their attachment to material goods, their food, their bodies, and each other. They discovered that no one was showing them how to start living a more conscious lifestyle--so they began documenting all of the baby steps it takes to get there in the hopes that others might be able to follow their trail as they became inspired to make similar changes. You can follow their journey to becoming better stewards on Instagram @consciousliving247.

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 21:08:37 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Nate Bagley, KC Brothers, Josh Brothers, Angilyn Bagley) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e10-conscious-living-with-josh-kc-brothers-ZatymFQ9 Josh and KC Brothers met on Tinder and have been messaging each other ever since! Early on in their relationship, they had discussions about their roles as stewards--not only of the Earth, but of each other. This led them to start making small changes in the way they live that would have a positive impact in their relationship with their home, their attachment to material goods, their food, their bodies, and each other. They discovered that no one was showing them how to start living a more conscious lifestyle--so they began documenting all of the baby steps it takes to get there in the hopes that others might be able to follow their trail as they became inspired to make similar changes. You can follow their journey to becoming better stewards on Instagram @consciousliving247.

]]> E10 - Conscious Living with Josh & KC Brothers Nate Bagley, KC Brothers, Josh Brothers, Angilyn Bagley 00:55:48 CONSCIOUS adjective con·scious \ ˈkän(t)-shəs \ done or acting with critical awareness; a conscious effort to do better LIVING adjective liv·ing \ ˈli-viŋ \ exhibiting the life or motion of nature • • • • • It's being "critically aware" of the way you exhibit (or present) your life. Think about your day today... How many of the choices you made - the morning routine you went through, the way you said goodbye to those you love in the morning, the way you planned your day, the food you put in your body, the music you listened to, the time you spent on your phone, the attitude you had when you greeted your beloved at the end of the day - were made with critical awareness? How many were made out of habit, necessity, or because they were easiest? CONSCIOUS adjective con·scious \ ˈkän(t)-shəs \ done or acting with critical awareness; a conscious effort to do better LIVING adjective liv·ing \ ˈli-viŋ \ exhibiting the life or motion of nature • • • • • It's being "critically aware" of the way you exhibit (or present) your life. Think about your day today... How many of the choices you made - the morning routine you went through, the way you said goodbye to those you love in the morning, the way you planned your day, the food you put in your body, the music you listened to, the time you spent on your phone, the attitude you had when you greeted your beloved at the end of the day - were made with critical awareness? How many were made out of habit, necessity, or because they were easiest? stewardship, lds, mormon, marriage, conscious living, mormon marriages, eternal marriage, celestial marriage no full 10 2aa17d37-f04c-453c-8f1c-c73fd9860cbe E09 - Navigating a Mixed-Faith Marriage with Nick and Chelsea Homer I never thought I’d be in a mixed-faith marriage.

We hadn’t even celebrated our first wedding anniversary before my husband told me he no longer identified with most of the teachings of the Church. I was hurt and confused. We both were.

I had imagined this honeymoon stage playing out very differently. Rather than focusing on this new exciting thing called marriage, we were trying to compromise on theology, lifestyle, and what felt like our entire future. 

Where do we go? How do we navigate this journey? Who do I choose? 

"This isn’t fair.” 

My husband’s beliefs changed, and as a result I’m the one who suffered the consequences. Or at least that’s what it felt like. It wasn’t until we started to become more open about his changes in beliefs with those around us that I realized I wasn’t the only one suffering. My husband was having a very hard time with this transition too.

Though they might have had good intentions, he felt that people were more interested in fixing him and not so much in understanding him.

While there are times to have faith-promoting conversations, there are also times, I believe, that are better served by just listening and trying to understand.

That’s when it hit me. Rather than seeing the situation as a dichotomy (he’s either with me or against me), in reality he was just begging to be understood at a deeper level and I was needing that same understanding from him.

Navigating a situation that deviates from family and the surrounding community is no easy task. Getting married with the understanding that we shared similar beliefs, only to have his beliefs change and that foundation crumble is no easy task. Feeling “forced” to change a stance on faith because a spouse believes differently is, again, no easy task. It can be complicated, messy, and confusing for all parties involved.

I believe both sides deserve more love and understanding...

Read the rest of Chelsea's article here, on LDS.org

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 20:57:30 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Angilyn Bagley, Chelsea Homer, Nick Homer, Nate Bagley) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e09-navigating-a-mixed-faith-marriage-with-nick-and-chelsea-homer-eCqAfzwx I never thought I’d be in a mixed-faith marriage.

We hadn’t even celebrated our first wedding anniversary before my husband told me he no longer identified with most of the teachings of the Church. I was hurt and confused. We both were.

I had imagined this honeymoon stage playing out very differently. Rather than focusing on this new exciting thing called marriage, we were trying to compromise on theology, lifestyle, and what felt like our entire future. 

Where do we go? How do we navigate this journey? Who do I choose? 

"This isn’t fair.” 

My husband’s beliefs changed, and as a result I’m the one who suffered the consequences. Or at least that’s what it felt like. It wasn’t until we started to become more open about his changes in beliefs with those around us that I realized I wasn’t the only one suffering. My husband was having a very hard time with this transition too.

Though they might have had good intentions, he felt that people were more interested in fixing him and not so much in understanding him.

While there are times to have faith-promoting conversations, there are also times, I believe, that are better served by just listening and trying to understand.

That’s when it hit me. Rather than seeing the situation as a dichotomy (he’s either with me or against me), in reality he was just begging to be understood at a deeper level and I was needing that same understanding from him.

Navigating a situation that deviates from family and the surrounding community is no easy task. Getting married with the understanding that we shared similar beliefs, only to have his beliefs change and that foundation crumble is no easy task. Feeling “forced” to change a stance on faith because a spouse believes differently is, again, no easy task. It can be complicated, messy, and confusing for all parties involved.

I believe both sides deserve more love and understanding...

Read the rest of Chelsea's article here, on LDS.org

]]> E09 - Navigating a Mixed-Faith Marriage with Nick and Chelsea Homer Angilyn Bagley, Chelsea Homer, Nick Homer, Nate Bagley 00:51:24 Though I could pick sides and choose who to love, it’s such a relief knowing I don’t have to. I get to love God. I get to love my husband. I get to love others independent of where they find themselves on their mortal journey. Though I could pick sides and choose who to love, it’s such a relief knowing I don’t have to. I get to love God. I get to love my husband. I get to love others independent of where they find themselves on their mortal journey. lds, mormons, mormon, marriage, mormon marriage, mixed faith marriage, inter-faith marriage, eternal marriage, celestial marriage no full 9 19aea726-1073-4844-9441-d337ef745e23 E08 - Unrighteous Dominion with Dr. Julie de Azevedo-Hanks Julie de Azevedo-Hanks, PhD, LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist specializing in women’s emotional health and relationships. Dr. Hanks is the founder and director of Wasatch Family Therapy, author of The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide for Women, a blogger, a local and national media contributor, an online influencer, a private practice consultant, and an award-winning performing songwriter.  A native Californian, Hanks currently lives in Salt Lake City, UT. For additional resources visit DrJulieHanks.com or connect with @drjuliehanks on social media.

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 20:32:14 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley, Julie de Azevedo-Hanks) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e07-unrighteous-dominion-with-dr-julie-de-azevedo-hanks-I5wd_pmu Julie de Azevedo-Hanks, PhD, LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist specializing in women’s emotional health and relationships. Dr. Hanks is the founder and director of Wasatch Family Therapy, author of The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide for Women, a blogger, a local and national media contributor, an online influencer, a private practice consultant, and an award-winning performing songwriter.  A native Californian, Hanks currently lives in Salt Lake City, UT. For additional resources visit DrJulieHanks.com or connect with @drjuliehanks on social media.

]]> E08 - Unrighteous Dominion with Dr. Julie de Azevedo-Hanks Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley, Julie de Azevedo-Hanks 00:51:39 Unrighteous dominion is when someone attempts to control or manipulate  another using their “power and authority” as an excuse to do so. In a marriage, it is things like making financial decisions without consulting a spouse, using authority as an excuse for unacceptable behavior, holding others to their unrealistic expectations and then shaming or belittling them when they don’t. Unrighteous dominion can be as extreme as using physical violence to enforce authority, to something as simple as assuming that your way is always the right way - no exceptions. D&C 121:41 says, “No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;” As we continued to investigate the term “preside,” we found something super interesting. The origin of this word comes from the latin term praesidere which means to “stand guard” or literally to “sit in front of.” This is so profound! Those who are responsible of presiding over others are not meant to control or exercise authority over them, but rather to protect and to guard them. Unrighteous dominion is when someone attempts to control or manipulate  another using their “power and authority” as an excuse to do so. In a marriage, it is things like making financial decisions without consulting a spouse, using authority as an excuse for unacceptable behavior, holding others to their unrealistic expectations and then shaming or belittling them when they don’t. Unrighteous dominion can be as extreme as using physical violence to enforce authority, to something as simple as assuming that your way is always the right way - no exceptions. D&C 121:41 says, “No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;” As we continued to investigate the term “preside,” we found something super interesting. The origin of this word comes from the latin term praesidere which means to “stand guard” or literally to “sit in front of.” This is so profound! Those who are responsible of presiding over others are not meant to control or exercise authority over them, but rather to protect and to guard them. lds, mormons, mormon, mormon marriages, eternal marriage, unrighteous dominion, celestial marriage, latter-day saints no full 8 9d3bd5d4-68f1-4fa3-b46f-91cbabb146a8 E07 - Living the Dream with Merrilee Boyack Commit to your marriage as the #1 most important intimate relationship in your life.

That’s right - your relationship with your spouse is even more important than your relationship with your kids! In the end, your kids will leave the nest, choose their own eternal partners, and be committed to creating their own eternal marriages (hopefully). Act in a way that demonstrates the importance of this relationship to you.

Of the many roles that Merrilee has had in her life - author, mother, lawyer, motivational speaker, life coach - the most important one to her will always be that of “wife.”

Date night is sacred time.

Think of the person that you were 10 years ago. Do you have the same interests? Do you believe the same things? Have you learned new hobbies? Don’t stop getting to know your spouse. They are not going to be the same person that you married forever.

Heavenly Father asks us for at least three hours a week to worship him. Do the same thing for your marriage. Commit to date night like you commit to going to church every Sunday!

Leave the kids with a babysitter and don’t allow more than 50% of the conversation to revolve around the family. Mix it up, get creative and have fun with each other. Keep getting to know each other. This will protect you from waking up one morning and thinking, “Who is this person that I’m married to?”

Remember, an outing with kids is a family gathering, not a date. Talking about the kids the whole time is a family planning meeting, not a date.

Don’t take your spouse’s name in vain.

How often do you complain about your spouse to your friends or family? This has sadly become a cultural norm. We often don’t think twice when we hear someone poke a jab at their husband in relief society, or jokingly complain about their wife during guys night.  

You must protect your spouse’s name. Do not speak poorly of them to others, especially to family and friends. Create a safe space for them to be deeply vulnerable with you without the fear that their weaknesses, mistakes or shortcomings will be spread to others. Give your spouse the gift of knowing they can trust you with their whole self.

Quit trying to “fix” your spouse by demanding they be like you.

“Perfect” in a gospel sense simply means, “whole.”

You are truly one with your spouse when you both bring your strengths and weaknesses to the table. Often times, your strengths will align with their weaknesses and vice versa. Celebrate what you both bring separately to the table and support each other as you help one another learn and grow.

Neither of you are perfect. Acknowledge your differences. Allow the beautiful power of the Atonement to make up for the rest. That is when you become truly whole.

The “Treat as if…” principle.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “fake it til you make it?” There is power in committing to an outcome and than doing everything in your power to make that outcome a reality. If you want to be confident, act confident! Eventually it will become who you are.

It is the same with your spouse. If you treat your spouse like they are lazy, stupid, or inconsiderate, that is what they will become. If you want them to be more patient, treat them like they are already patient. If you want them to be more loving and caring, treat them as such! Treat your spouse according to their potential. You will get what you are looking for.

These are just a few simple things that can help your marriage become truly Celestial.

A heavenly marriage doesn’t happen by accident! It is intentionally created.

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 20:20:36 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Mormon Marriages) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e07-living-the-dream-with-merrilee-boyack-rNtSE_OJ Commit to your marriage as the #1 most important intimate relationship in your life.

That’s right - your relationship with your spouse is even more important than your relationship with your kids! In the end, your kids will leave the nest, choose their own eternal partners, and be committed to creating their own eternal marriages (hopefully). Act in a way that demonstrates the importance of this relationship to you.

Of the many roles that Merrilee has had in her life - author, mother, lawyer, motivational speaker, life coach - the most important one to her will always be that of “wife.”

Date night is sacred time.

Think of the person that you were 10 years ago. Do you have the same interests? Do you believe the same things? Have you learned new hobbies? Don’t stop getting to know your spouse. They are not going to be the same person that you married forever.

Heavenly Father asks us for at least three hours a week to worship him. Do the same thing for your marriage. Commit to date night like you commit to going to church every Sunday!

Leave the kids with a babysitter and don’t allow more than 50% of the conversation to revolve around the family. Mix it up, get creative and have fun with each other. Keep getting to know each other. This will protect you from waking up one morning and thinking, “Who is this person that I’m married to?”

Remember, an outing with kids is a family gathering, not a date. Talking about the kids the whole time is a family planning meeting, not a date.

Don’t take your spouse’s name in vain.

How often do you complain about your spouse to your friends or family? This has sadly become a cultural norm. We often don’t think twice when we hear someone poke a jab at their husband in relief society, or jokingly complain about their wife during guys night.  

You must protect your spouse’s name. Do not speak poorly of them to others, especially to family and friends. Create a safe space for them to be deeply vulnerable with you without the fear that their weaknesses, mistakes or shortcomings will be spread to others. Give your spouse the gift of knowing they can trust you with their whole self.

Quit trying to “fix” your spouse by demanding they be like you.

“Perfect” in a gospel sense simply means, “whole.”

You are truly one with your spouse when you both bring your strengths and weaknesses to the table. Often times, your strengths will align with their weaknesses and vice versa. Celebrate what you both bring separately to the table and support each other as you help one another learn and grow.

Neither of you are perfect. Acknowledge your differences. Allow the beautiful power of the Atonement to make up for the rest. That is when you become truly whole.

The “Treat as if…” principle.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “fake it til you make it?” There is power in committing to an outcome and than doing everything in your power to make that outcome a reality. If you want to be confident, act confident! Eventually it will become who you are.

It is the same with your spouse. If you treat your spouse like they are lazy, stupid, or inconsiderate, that is what they will become. If you want them to be more patient, treat them like they are already patient. If you want them to be more loving and caring, treat them as such! Treat your spouse according to their potential. You will get what you are looking for.

These are just a few simple things that can help your marriage become truly Celestial.

A heavenly marriage doesn’t happen by accident! It is intentionally created.

]]> E07 - Living the Dream with Merrilee Boyack Mormon Marriages 00:46:52 In the church, we talk a lot about preparing to go get married in the temple one day... but what happens after we go to the temple? What happens when we go back to living our normal lives? What happens when kids come into the picture? How do I ensure that my marriage is actually Celestial? Why aren’t we talking more about what it takes to make marriage work once we exit the temple doors!? In this week’s episode of the podcast, we sit down with Merrilee Boyack to talk about what it really takes to create a Celestial Marriage. The great news is that it isn’t terribly difficult to do. In fact, it is beautifully simple! All it takes is a willingness to learn the tools and skills necessary and a dedication to the practice. It’s not something that happens overnight. After 38 years of marriage, Merrilee is still learning new things to enhance and cultivate her relationship with her spouse. It’s a life-long, eternal process. In the church, we talk a lot about preparing to go get married in the temple one day... but what happens after we go to the temple? What happens when we go back to living our normal lives? What happens when kids come into the picture? How do I ensure that my marriage is actually Celestial? Why aren’t we talking more about what it takes to make marriage work once we exit the temple doors!? In this week’s episode of the podcast, we sit down with Merrilee Boyack to talk about what it really takes to create a Celestial Marriage. The great news is that it isn’t terribly difficult to do. In fact, it is beautifully simple! All it takes is a willingness to learn the tools and skills necessary and a dedication to the practice. It’s not something that happens overnight. After 38 years of marriage, Merrilee is still learning new things to enhance and cultivate her relationship with her spouse. It’s a life-long, eternal process. no full 7 63a80b24-feb4-490b-b525-a7ecb04bdf6b E06 - Why We Started Mormon Marriages | Q&A with Nate and Angilyn So, if a Celestial Marriage isn't something that just happens to us on the day we're sealed, how do I create one? What steps do I need to take? What does it even look like?

These are the questions we're out to answer on the podcast.

We realize most people haven't had many great examples of incredible, lasting, passionate marriages.

Most people haven't seen marriages overflowing with kindness, honesty, desire, forgiveness, intimacy, vulnerability, and true charity. 

And because we don't have these examples after which we can model our behavior, we end up getting stuck, walking on eggshells, avoiding hard topics, watching lots of Netflix, burying our noses in our phones, and stalling our eternal growth.

On Mormon Marriages, we will show you what extraordinary love looks like in many different forms. Some of them you'll love, some of them you might bristle at. We'll give you examples you can draw from, and offer you goals you can set for yourself.

Our hope is that we will inspire you to build your Eternal Marriage in the way that gets you excited and motivated. You get one shot at creating something legendary that can last forever. Don't waste it! 

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 20:16:16 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Nate Bagley) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e06-why-we-started-mormon-marriages-qa-with-nate-and-angilyn-CBbQsKx8 So, if a Celestial Marriage isn't something that just happens to us on the day we're sealed, how do I create one? What steps do I need to take? What does it even look like?

These are the questions we're out to answer on the podcast.

We realize most people haven't had many great examples of incredible, lasting, passionate marriages.

Most people haven't seen marriages overflowing with kindness, honesty, desire, forgiveness, intimacy, vulnerability, and true charity. 

And because we don't have these examples after which we can model our behavior, we end up getting stuck, walking on eggshells, avoiding hard topics, watching lots of Netflix, burying our noses in our phones, and stalling our eternal growth.

On Mormon Marriages, we will show you what extraordinary love looks like in many different forms. Some of them you'll love, some of them you might bristle at. We'll give you examples you can draw from, and offer you goals you can set for yourself.

Our hope is that we will inspire you to build your Eternal Marriage in the way that gets you excited and motivated. You get one shot at creating something legendary that can last forever. Don't waste it! 

]]> E06 - Why We Started Mormon Marriages | Q&A with Nate and Angilyn Nate Bagley 00:48:51 It's hard to go a Sunday in church without hearing about the importance of the family. We talk about temple work, Family Home Evening, and family prayer. We talk about honoring our parents, having a Christ-centered marriage, Heavenly Parents, and the Proclamation to the Family. The family unit is the central point of the gospel. Everything revolves around it, including our idea of heaven – spending eternity together with those we love the most. “This goal is glorious. All Church activities, advancements, quorums, and classes are means to the end of an exalted family.1" -Russell M. Nelson The hope is that everything we do will get us one step closer to our singular goal of having an Eternal Family. Angilyn and I love this doctrine. We love the idea that if we work hard in this life, and stay committed, we can take our most cherished relationships with us after this life is over. Our love for this piece of our theology is exactly why we started the Mormon Marriages podcast. We believe the best way to "prepare to meet God" and enjoy eternity in God's presence with our family is to have the strongest possible family. We can't do this unless the backbone of our family - our marriage - is incredibly strong and vibrant and, well, Celestial. It's hard to go a Sunday in church without hearing about the importance of the family. We talk about temple work, Family Home Evening, and family prayer. We talk about honoring our parents, having a Christ-centered marriage, Heavenly Parents, and the Proclamation to the Family. The family unit is the central point of the gospel. Everything revolves around it, including our idea of heaven – spending eternity together with those we love the most. “This goal is glorious. All Church activities, advancements, quorums, and classes are means to the end of an exalted family.1" -Russell M. Nelson The hope is that everything we do will get us one step closer to our singular goal of having an Eternal Family. Angilyn and I love this doctrine. We love the idea that if we work hard in this life, and stay committed, we can take our most cherished relationships with us after this life is over. Our love for this piece of our theology is exactly why we started the Mormon Marriages podcast. We believe the best way to "prepare to meet God" and enjoy eternity in God's presence with our family is to have the strongest possible family. We can't do this unless the backbone of our family - our marriage - is incredibly strong and vibrant and, well, Celestial. lds, mormon marriages, latter-day saint, eternal marriage, celestial marriage, latter-day saints no full 6 3924319f-ceb5-47f2-b4c8-1c0a75eee338 E05 - The Pressure Church Leadership Positions Put on Marriage with Kurt and Alanna Francom Kurt is the founder of the Leading LDS podcast and website. He provides LDS Leaders with tools, resources, and training to effectively do magnify their callings. His interviews are awesome. If you have a leadership calling in the church, he definitely has something to help you do it better.

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 20:09:18 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Kurt Frankom, Nate Bagley, Angilyn Baglely, Alanna Francom) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e05-the-pressure-church-leadership-positions-put-on-marriage-with-kurt-and-alanna-francom-qbrOd1uP Kurt is the founder of the Leading LDS podcast and website. He provides LDS Leaders with tools, resources, and training to effectively do magnify their callings. His interviews are awesome. If you have a leadership calling in the church, he definitely has something to help you do it better.

]]> E05 - The Pressure Church Leadership Positions Put on Marriage with Kurt and Alanna Francom Kurt Frankom, Nate Bagley, Angilyn Baglely, Alanna Francom 00:53:17 We don't talk about it much, but when local leaders serve in the church, it can put a strain on their most intimate relationships. It takes a toll. It comes with a cost. In today's interview, we sit down with the Francom's and among other things, we talk about the reality of serving in a leadership calling. Yes you get to experience miracles and blessings... but these leaders also struggle in a quite and often unnoticed way. When you see your bishop or his wife this Sunday, or maybe a counselor, or a Relief Society president... give them a hug and say, "Thank you." We don't talk about it much, but when local leaders serve in the church, it can put a strain on their most intimate relationships. It takes a toll. It comes with a cost. In today's interview, we sit down with the Francom's and among other things, we talk about the reality of serving in a leadership calling. Yes you get to experience miracles and blessings... but these leaders also struggle in a quite and often unnoticed way. When you see your bishop or his wife this Sunday, or maybe a counselor, or a Relief Society president... give them a hug and say, "Thank you." lds, mormon, church leadership, kurt frankom, mormon marriages, celestial marriage, latter-day saints, love no full 5 347af265-0d0f-4901-884a-f1d74b0d2a56 E04 - Clarity is Power with Super Bowl Champion, Setema Gali Setema Gali is a world-class coach, speaker, trainer, and author of the book Winning After the Game.

He works with highly-committed individuals to identify the necessary required actions to create the kind of life they want.

Setema is also a Super Bowl Champion, an invested and attentive husband, and a committed father.

Check out his book Winning After The Game to learn how he's created a wealthy life after going bankrupt, losing everything, and even having to sell his Super Bowl Ring.

  • 4:16 How Setema met and pursued his wife
  • 6:25 They were best friends - he felt like he could not be without her
  • 8:50 How they deal with conflict. They have a clear purpose in creating a happy marriage, and they do what it takes to build one despite arguments or disagreements
  • 8:45 “I don’t want this. Let’s talk RIGHT NOW” Quickly overcome negativity, bitterness, anger, etc. Clean things up fast.
  • 10:55 Clarity is power. If you are really clear on what you want, it is simple and easy to know what needs to be done to get it.
  • 11:20 Believe it is possible to have an amazing marriage that works
  • 12:35 An apology does not have to be an admission of guilt, but an opportunity to heal your partner.
  • 12:50 You most often don’t hurt your partner on purpose, but it happens. Regardless of whether you meant it or not, it creates a gap in your relationship; a wound that needs to be healed.
  • 13:25 When his wife said something that hurt him, his instinct was to shut down and pull away. Because of the clear agreement they have to confront and resolve quickly, he talked with her about it soon after. She had no idea she had hurt him, but she apologized. They hugged, cried and expressed love to each other and the issue resolved.
  • 15:10 Ask for what you want and need
  • 15:45 The happiest couples have a “low negativity threshold”
  • 16:25 Live by agreements; not expectations. Be clear on your goals and purposes, but don’t hold your partner to perfection. This leaves room for being able to communicate your wants and desires.
  • 18:15 Don’t be afraid to confront your spouse when something isn’t right. Do it with love, kindness and integrity.
  • 18:50 If you ask couples what they really want in their marriage, few will be able to answer with a clear purpose.
  • 19:35 Having a clear purpose helps to create and intentional and deliberate way of life.
  • 20:20 Be committed to your dreams, goals, and visions. Focus on improving 1% each day.
  • 22:05 You can have whatever kind of marriage you want. The marriage that you currently have is the marriage that you’ve chosen to create (for good or for bad). If it’s not what you want, then choose to change and create it.
  • 23:00 Before having this type of conversation, set it up with an agreement and a clear purpose. “I want to have a conversation about how we can be better in our marriage, and I want you to be 100% open and honest with how you feel. Can you do that?”
  • 23:50 These types of conversations take practice, but the more you do it, the more natural and quickly they can occur.
  • 24:05 “What can I do better?”
  • 25:05 “What do you want or need [in the home, in our marriage, with finances, sex etc]”
  • 25:25 “What’s working?” “What’s not working?” “What’s missing?” “What’s next?”
  • 26:50 What do I want in my marriage, and what is required of me to get it?
  • 27:00 Effective communication is key
  • 28:45 “Where are you at right now?”
  • 29:05 Winning after the game
  • 31:05 Be clear about what you want, and then be committed to achieving it.
  • 31:35 Marriage is the most important thing for our country and for our world.
  • 31:40 A happy couple can teach their kids the model of a healthy relationship
  • 32:30 Wealth is beyond money
  • 32:55 Happy families and happy homes breed powerful people
  • 33:20 “Whatever you want, you can have. Whatever you have is your choice.”
]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 20:00:33 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Nate Bagley, Setema Gali) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e04-clarity-is-power-with-super-bowl-champion-setema-gali-QREO3OWl Setema Gali is a world-class coach, speaker, trainer, and author of the book Winning After the Game.

He works with highly-committed individuals to identify the necessary required actions to create the kind of life they want.

Setema is also a Super Bowl Champion, an invested and attentive husband, and a committed father.

Check out his book Winning After The Game to learn how he's created a wealthy life after going bankrupt, losing everything, and even having to sell his Super Bowl Ring.

  • 4:16 How Setema met and pursued his wife
  • 6:25 They were best friends - he felt like he could not be without her
  • 8:50 How they deal with conflict. They have a clear purpose in creating a happy marriage, and they do what it takes to build one despite arguments or disagreements
  • 8:45 “I don’t want this. Let’s talk RIGHT NOW” Quickly overcome negativity, bitterness, anger, etc. Clean things up fast.
  • 10:55 Clarity is power. If you are really clear on what you want, it is simple and easy to know what needs to be done to get it.
  • 11:20 Believe it is possible to have an amazing marriage that works
  • 12:35 An apology does not have to be an admission of guilt, but an opportunity to heal your partner.
  • 12:50 You most often don’t hurt your partner on purpose, but it happens. Regardless of whether you meant it or not, it creates a gap in your relationship; a wound that needs to be healed.
  • 13:25 When his wife said something that hurt him, his instinct was to shut down and pull away. Because of the clear agreement they have to confront and resolve quickly, he talked with her about it soon after. She had no idea she had hurt him, but she apologized. They hugged, cried and expressed love to each other and the issue resolved.
  • 15:10 Ask for what you want and need
  • 15:45 The happiest couples have a “low negativity threshold”
  • 16:25 Live by agreements; not expectations. Be clear on your goals and purposes, but don’t hold your partner to perfection. This leaves room for being able to communicate your wants and desires.
  • 18:15 Don’t be afraid to confront your spouse when something isn’t right. Do it with love, kindness and integrity.
  • 18:50 If you ask couples what they really want in their marriage, few will be able to answer with a clear purpose.
  • 19:35 Having a clear purpose helps to create and intentional and deliberate way of life.
  • 20:20 Be committed to your dreams, goals, and visions. Focus on improving 1% each day.
  • 22:05 You can have whatever kind of marriage you want. The marriage that you currently have is the marriage that you’ve chosen to create (for good or for bad). If it’s not what you want, then choose to change and create it.
  • 23:00 Before having this type of conversation, set it up with an agreement and a clear purpose. “I want to have a conversation about how we can be better in our marriage, and I want you to be 100% open and honest with how you feel. Can you do that?”
  • 23:50 These types of conversations take practice, but the more you do it, the more natural and quickly they can occur.
  • 24:05 “What can I do better?”
  • 25:05 “What do you want or need [in the home, in our marriage, with finances, sex etc]”
  • 25:25 “What’s working?” “What’s not working?” “What’s missing?” “What’s next?”
  • 26:50 What do I want in my marriage, and what is required of me to get it?
  • 27:00 Effective communication is key
  • 28:45 “Where are you at right now?”
  • 29:05 Winning after the game
  • 31:05 Be clear about what you want, and then be committed to achieving it.
  • 31:35 Marriage is the most important thing for our country and for our world.
  • 31:40 A happy couple can teach their kids the model of a healthy relationship
  • 32:30 Wealth is beyond money
  • 32:55 Happy families and happy homes breed powerful people
  • 33:20 “Whatever you want, you can have. Whatever you have is your choice.”
]]> E04 - Clarity is Power with Super Bowl Champion, Setema Gali Nate Bagley, Setema Gali 00:35:18 People are predictable. If I ask the question, "Do you want an incredible marriage or a mediocre marriage?" Everyone will answer, "I want an incredible marriage!" If I ask, "Do you want an extraordinary life or a boring life?" Everyone will answer, "I want an extraordinary life!" If I ask "Do you want to have meaningful friendships, a strong faith, a purposeful existence or... something else?" Nobody would choose the "something else." However, what you desire and what you're committed to are two very different things. If you really want to live the life you desire, it requires you to have two things: Clarity and commitment. People are predictable. If I ask the question, "Do you want an incredible marriage or a mediocre marriage?" Everyone will answer, "I want an incredible marriage!" If I ask, "Do you want an extraordinary life or a boring life?" Everyone will answer, "I want an extraordinary life!" If I ask "Do you want to have meaningful friendships, a strong faith, a purposeful existence or... something else?" Nobody would choose the "something else." However, what you desire and what you're committed to are two very different things. If you really want to live the life you desire, it requires you to have two things: Clarity and commitment. setema gali, lds, the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints, mormon, clarity is power, mormon marriages, latter-day saint, nate bagley no full 4 277b731e-6187-46b7-be38-5e1177648255 E03 - Marriage: The Great Adventure with Zack and Annie Oates Zack Oates is an entrepreneur, hot tubber, blogger and husband (but not in that order, necessarily). 

It took him over 1,000 dates to find his wife (worth the wait) and has documented his journey on BowlofOates.com. 

Annie is a Fashion designer who runs her a design shop and shows off her up-cycling at heyannieo.com when she's not momming or wifing it up like a boss.

They are a hashtag power couple.

  • 3:30 - The most important mentors in life are those who are just a few steps ahead of you.
  • 4:30 - How Zack and Annie met
  • 5:20 - Rule #1: You can kiss on the first date, as long as you marry them!
  • 6:15  - What Zack learned after 1000 dates
  • 7:20 - Fireworks vs Smolder
  • 8:40 - “God, if this wrong, tell me now….because I’m going for it!”
  • 9:10 - Choose your love, and love your choice.
  • 10:15 - Lots of people like to warn us that the first year of marriage is the hardest, but it doesn’t have to be that way
  • 10:30 - Mission lesson: It’s not about obedience, it’s about love. “Obedience is the first law, but love is the greatest” Marriage is very similar. Love and serve your companion.
  • 12:45 - “You’ve made your choice. Now, spend the rest of your life making it the right choice.”
  • 14:30 The first year of marriage was not as hard as everyone painted it to be, but it was still an adjustment for them.
  • 17:15 - If your friends are having a bad day or do something mean, you can leave. But in marriage, you’ve got to deal with it!
  • 18:00 Marriage is easier than dating - it’s a different kind of hard.
  • 19:45 There are many people who will say, regardless of what stage of life you’re in, “Oh [this stage] is the worst!”
  • 12:30 There are other people who will say that whatever stage is NEXT in life, is the hardest. “You just wait!”
  • 21:00 People who are optimistic will always be able to find the good. (and vice versa)
  • 22:10 Slug Bug analogy. “You find what you’re looking for.”
  • 23:50 If you want to hear the voice of God, listen. If you want to see the hand of God, look. If you want to feel the love of God, serve.
  • 24:15 “The world, with all its sham and drudgery, is still a beautiful place.” There is an abundance of joy available to us, but we have to CHOOSE to take it.
  • 25:30 The ritual of a Weekly Companionship Inventory
  • 26:15 Things that make marriage hard - family, sex, money, communication, and forgetting the small stuff. Companionship inventory helps to address all of these things on a regular basis.
  • 27:40 Steps to a good inventory: #1. Offer a reason you love the other specifically from the week #2. Ask what can I do to improve or be better #3. Go over finances #4. Set your schedule for the week.
  • 28:45 “Real-time feedback”
  • 29:45 Go to marriage counseling BEFORE there is a problem. Gather the tools and skills you need to be prepared when issues arise.
  • 30:15 While communicating, learn how to dig for the deeper meaning or intentions behind your partner’s words. Sometimes the conversation needs to keep going in order to truly understand each other. Get to the root issue.
  • 31:00 A lot of our actions are rooted in our fears and insecurities. It’s important to understand what our partner’s fears are in order to have context surrounding why they do what they do. This can lead to more empathy versus anger.
  • 32:00 Fight or Flight mode is instinctual during arguments and stress. When your partner shuts down, lashes out, or takes flight during an argument, it’s not effective to just tell them to stop or return the anger. It’s important to ask yourself, “What could I be doing that has put them into fight or flight mode? What am I doing that is making them feel unsafe?”
  • 33:00 The other person’s perception of reality is the only reality that they have.
  • 36:05 Low Negativity Threshold (resolve issues quickly to avoid resentment)
  • 37:45 Dishes analogy
  • 38:25 Your brain perceives emotional pain in the same place that it perceives physical pain. Our natural instinct is to pull away from whatever is causing us pain. You need to repair that emotional wound in order to close the gap that the hurt created.
  • 40:30 An apology does not have to be an admission of guilt, but an opportunity to heal your partner
  • 41:30 Be quick to apologize and quick to forgive. Acknowledge the hurt that was made, heal, and move on.
  • 42:05 Give genuine compliments often.
  • 44:00 If marriage is for eternity, why not make is something to be stoked about?
  • 44:45 Surround yourself with people who LOVE marriage and have a positive outlook.
  • 47:10 Find what you value most and have a “thing” that you do together. Always have something to look forward to.
  • 49:30 Alma 32 - comparing the seed to love and marriage (it takes effort and nourishment)
  • 52:25 In dating, sometimes there are good seeds and good soil that just aren’t compatible with each other, and that’s okay!
  • 55:25 When the seed finally takes root and begins to grow, even if it’s slow,
  • it can truly become something “sweet above all that is sweet”
  • 56:20 Marry your best friend
  • 56:30 “Strive to be happy”
  • 57:05 “Teach it to me, or take it from me”
]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 19:50:48 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Annie Oates, Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley, Zack Oates) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e03-marriage-the-great-adventure-with-zack-and-annie-oates-9R_hL1FF Zack Oates is an entrepreneur, hot tubber, blogger and husband (but not in that order, necessarily). 

It took him over 1,000 dates to find his wife (worth the wait) and has documented his journey on BowlofOates.com. 

Annie is a Fashion designer who runs her a design shop and shows off her up-cycling at heyannieo.com when she's not momming or wifing it up like a boss.

They are a hashtag power couple.

  • 3:30 - The most important mentors in life are those who are just a few steps ahead of you.
  • 4:30 - How Zack and Annie met
  • 5:20 - Rule #1: You can kiss on the first date, as long as you marry them!
  • 6:15  - What Zack learned after 1000 dates
  • 7:20 - Fireworks vs Smolder
  • 8:40 - “God, if this wrong, tell me now….because I’m going for it!”
  • 9:10 - Choose your love, and love your choice.
  • 10:15 - Lots of people like to warn us that the first year of marriage is the hardest, but it doesn’t have to be that way
  • 10:30 - Mission lesson: It’s not about obedience, it’s about love. “Obedience is the first law, but love is the greatest” Marriage is very similar. Love and serve your companion.
  • 12:45 - “You’ve made your choice. Now, spend the rest of your life making it the right choice.”
  • 14:30 The first year of marriage was not as hard as everyone painted it to be, but it was still an adjustment for them.
  • 17:15 - If your friends are having a bad day or do something mean, you can leave. But in marriage, you’ve got to deal with it!
  • 18:00 Marriage is easier than dating - it’s a different kind of hard.
  • 19:45 There are many people who will say, regardless of what stage of life you’re in, “Oh [this stage] is the worst!”
  • 12:30 There are other people who will say that whatever stage is NEXT in life, is the hardest. “You just wait!”
  • 21:00 People who are optimistic will always be able to find the good. (and vice versa)
  • 22:10 Slug Bug analogy. “You find what you’re looking for.”
  • 23:50 If you want to hear the voice of God, listen. If you want to see the hand of God, look. If you want to feel the love of God, serve.
  • 24:15 “The world, with all its sham and drudgery, is still a beautiful place.” There is an abundance of joy available to us, but we have to CHOOSE to take it.
  • 25:30 The ritual of a Weekly Companionship Inventory
  • 26:15 Things that make marriage hard - family, sex, money, communication, and forgetting the small stuff. Companionship inventory helps to address all of these things on a regular basis.
  • 27:40 Steps to a good inventory: #1. Offer a reason you love the other specifically from the week #2. Ask what can I do to improve or be better #3. Go over finances #4. Set your schedule for the week.
  • 28:45 “Real-time feedback”
  • 29:45 Go to marriage counseling BEFORE there is a problem. Gather the tools and skills you need to be prepared when issues arise.
  • 30:15 While communicating, learn how to dig for the deeper meaning or intentions behind your partner’s words. Sometimes the conversation needs to keep going in order to truly understand each other. Get to the root issue.
  • 31:00 A lot of our actions are rooted in our fears and insecurities. It’s important to understand what our partner’s fears are in order to have context surrounding why they do what they do. This can lead to more empathy versus anger.
  • 32:00 Fight or Flight mode is instinctual during arguments and stress. When your partner shuts down, lashes out, or takes flight during an argument, it’s not effective to just tell them to stop or return the anger. It’s important to ask yourself, “What could I be doing that has put them into fight or flight mode? What am I doing that is making them feel unsafe?”
  • 33:00 The other person’s perception of reality is the only reality that they have.
  • 36:05 Low Negativity Threshold (resolve issues quickly to avoid resentment)
  • 37:45 Dishes analogy
  • 38:25 Your brain perceives emotional pain in the same place that it perceives physical pain. Our natural instinct is to pull away from whatever is causing us pain. You need to repair that emotional wound in order to close the gap that the hurt created.
  • 40:30 An apology does not have to be an admission of guilt, but an opportunity to heal your partner
  • 41:30 Be quick to apologize and quick to forgive. Acknowledge the hurt that was made, heal, and move on.
  • 42:05 Give genuine compliments often.
  • 44:00 If marriage is for eternity, why not make is something to be stoked about?
  • 44:45 Surround yourself with people who LOVE marriage and have a positive outlook.
  • 47:10 Find what you value most and have a “thing” that you do together. Always have something to look forward to.
  • 49:30 Alma 32 - comparing the seed to love and marriage (it takes effort and nourishment)
  • 52:25 In dating, sometimes there are good seeds and good soil that just aren’t compatible with each other, and that’s okay!
  • 55:25 When the seed finally takes root and begins to grow, even if it’s slow,
  • it can truly become something “sweet above all that is sweet”
  • 56:20 Marry your best friend
  • 56:30 “Strive to be happy”
  • 57:05 “Teach it to me, or take it from me”
]]> E03 - Marriage: The Great Adventure with Zack and Annie Oates Annie Oates, Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley, Zack Oates 00:59:40 It is a choice to be boring. It is a choice to think kids ruin adventure. It is a choice to pray together every day and pray for each other out loud. It is a choice to have family night. It is a choice to read the scriptures together. It is a choice to do the dishes when you’re tired from work. It is a choice to not say that critical comment. It is a choice to find the positive in marriage and not let the fears leave our relationship on the cliffhanger of a bright future. Our adopted grandma and dear friend gave us marriage advice when we got engaged: “You make a choice to marry someone and then make the choice every day to make it the right choice.” It is a choice to be boring. It is a choice to think kids ruin adventure. It is a choice to pray together every day and pray for each other out loud. It is a choice to have family night. It is a choice to read the scriptures together. It is a choice to do the dishes when you’re tired from work. It is a choice to not say that critical comment. It is a choice to find the positive in marriage and not let the fears leave our relationship on the cliffhanger of a bright future. Our adopted grandma and dear friend gave us marriage advice when we got engaged: “You make a choice to marry someone and then make the choice every day to make it the right choice.” lds, the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints, mormon, marriage, mormon marriages, latter-day saint, celestial marriage, love no full 3 319ef86d-67ae-4220-96ce-1c95c142f21f E02 - Four Pillars of Marriage with Brad and Debi Wilcox Brad Wilcox is a professor in the Department of Ancient Scripture at Brigham Young University where he also enjoys working with such programs as Especially for Youth, Women’s Conference, and Campus Education Week. He is the author of the book, The Continuous Atonement, and the BYU devotional, “His Grace is Sufficient.” Brad grew up in Provo, Utah except for childhood years spent in Ethiopia, Africa. He served a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Chile and later returned to that country to preside over the Chile Santiago East Mission from 2003-2006. He and his family have also lived for a time in New Zealand and Spain where he directed study abroad programs for Brigham Young University. Brad has served as a member of the Sunday School General Board. He and his wife, Debi, have four children and six grandchildren. Reading, writing, teaching, and traveling are some of his favorite things. He loves Peanut M&M's and pepperoni pizza, but he realizes that doesn't sound too healthy so he is really trying hard to learn to love salads. 

  • 2:54 - Elder Faust asked Brad and Debbie Wilcox to be a model of a happy marriage to their missionaries
  • 3:45 - “Always go to the funeral”
  • 5:20 - We all want to make a difference in the world, but that starts with making a difference in your family
  • 6:00 - What Brad and Debbie are still learning after 35 years of marriage (lifelong learning, “empty nest” stage)
  • 7:50 - How Brad and Debbie met and fell in love
  • 11:00 - Things fell more into place when the pressure was off
  • 11:45 - First Kiss
  • 12:34 - Things progress more naturally in dating when there isn’t so much pressure
  • 13:45 - Sometimes things don’t just “fall into place” naturally when you meet the right person. It takes an intentional choice to give things a try. It takes vulnerability and risk.
  • 15:00 - The transition that happened when baby came along - they had to be more intentional in their marriage
  • 15:45 - The purpose of marriage is growth; the relationship matures over time
  • 17:15 - “Love isn’t two people looking madly at each other, love is two people looking in the same direction” The maturity and growth happens while working towards a common goal and purpose
  • 18:45 - The four “legs on a table” of a relationship (emotional/social, intellectual, spiritual, physical), and how strength comes in having a balance of all four.
  • 19:39 - the purpose of an engagement - strengthen the pillars of emotional/social, intellectual, and spiritual before adding in the physical helps to create a strong foundation
  • 21:50 - How each of the four pillars of a relationship help with the “hard work” of marriage
  • 23:55 - Intellectual - It’s not necessarily about sharing interests, but showing interest in the other person’s interests. Share your world with each other.
  • 25:55 - Emotional/social pillar
  • 27:00 - Spiritual pillar
  • 27:50/31:15 - It’s not always realistic to have scripture study and prayer together as a couple. As long as each individual working on their spirituality separately, that adds to the spiritual pillar of the relationship.
  • 29:15 - Simply being active in the church and having a temple recommend helps to be on the same page with core values
  • 29:30 - Fear of marriage in young people, and common causes of divorce
  • 30:20 - If you can live a certain way before marriage, it is a good indicator that you will be able to continue living that way after marriage (activity in the church, living within your means, etc).
  • 30:55 - The church alone can give a couple the spiritual connection the marriage needs.
  • 31:30 - Individual spiritual habits fulfill a need in our lives
  • 33:30 - Physical Pillar - men and women compliment each other with the emotional and physical sides of an intimate relationship.
  • 34:35 - “Choreplay”
  • 35:10 - Air traffic controllers vs Bowlers (landing airplanes vs knocking down the pins)
  • 37:25 - We’re meant to go together; we teach other to create a fuller and more meaningful experience
  • 37:50 - Different temptations for men and women
  • 38:10 - Avoidable mistakes of young couples
  • 41:30 - Problem solving vs listening
  • 41:45 - Asking for what you need instead of expecting your partner to “just know”
  • 42:45 - “You’re not allowed to complain about something you’ve never asked for”
  • 44:20 - Our society has taught us that asking for what we want is selfish - these leads to covert contracts. “My partner should just know what I need”
  • 46:00 - It’s easy to get discouraged, but just caring about making your marriage better shows that you are on the right track.
  • 46:30 - Satan will never have a marriage, and will never have a family. No wonder he is out to destroy our families.
  • 47:20 - “A problem identified, is a problem half-solved”
  • 48:20: - An example of real-life compromise
]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 19:41:33 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Debi Wilcox, Brad Wilcox, Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e02-four-pillars-of-marriage-with-brad-and-debi-wilcox-swNdwe6d Brad Wilcox is a professor in the Department of Ancient Scripture at Brigham Young University where he also enjoys working with such programs as Especially for Youth, Women’s Conference, and Campus Education Week. He is the author of the book, The Continuous Atonement, and the BYU devotional, “His Grace is Sufficient.” Brad grew up in Provo, Utah except for childhood years spent in Ethiopia, Africa. He served a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Chile and later returned to that country to preside over the Chile Santiago East Mission from 2003-2006. He and his family have also lived for a time in New Zealand and Spain where he directed study abroad programs for Brigham Young University. Brad has served as a member of the Sunday School General Board. He and his wife, Debi, have four children and six grandchildren. Reading, writing, teaching, and traveling are some of his favorite things. He loves Peanut M&M's and pepperoni pizza, but he realizes that doesn't sound too healthy so he is really trying hard to learn to love salads. 

  • 2:54 - Elder Faust asked Brad and Debbie Wilcox to be a model of a happy marriage to their missionaries
  • 3:45 - “Always go to the funeral”
  • 5:20 - We all want to make a difference in the world, but that starts with making a difference in your family
  • 6:00 - What Brad and Debbie are still learning after 35 years of marriage (lifelong learning, “empty nest” stage)
  • 7:50 - How Brad and Debbie met and fell in love
  • 11:00 - Things fell more into place when the pressure was off
  • 11:45 - First Kiss
  • 12:34 - Things progress more naturally in dating when there isn’t so much pressure
  • 13:45 - Sometimes things don’t just “fall into place” naturally when you meet the right person. It takes an intentional choice to give things a try. It takes vulnerability and risk.
  • 15:00 - The transition that happened when baby came along - they had to be more intentional in their marriage
  • 15:45 - The purpose of marriage is growth; the relationship matures over time
  • 17:15 - “Love isn’t two people looking madly at each other, love is two people looking in the same direction” The maturity and growth happens while working towards a common goal and purpose
  • 18:45 - The four “legs on a table” of a relationship (emotional/social, intellectual, spiritual, physical), and how strength comes in having a balance of all four.
  • 19:39 - the purpose of an engagement - strengthen the pillars of emotional/social, intellectual, and spiritual before adding in the physical helps to create a strong foundation
  • 21:50 - How each of the four pillars of a relationship help with the “hard work” of marriage
  • 23:55 - Intellectual - It’s not necessarily about sharing interests, but showing interest in the other person’s interests. Share your world with each other.
  • 25:55 - Emotional/social pillar
  • 27:00 - Spiritual pillar
  • 27:50/31:15 - It’s not always realistic to have scripture study and prayer together as a couple. As long as each individual working on their spirituality separately, that adds to the spiritual pillar of the relationship.
  • 29:15 - Simply being active in the church and having a temple recommend helps to be on the same page with core values
  • 29:30 - Fear of marriage in young people, and common causes of divorce
  • 30:20 - If you can live a certain way before marriage, it is a good indicator that you will be able to continue living that way after marriage (activity in the church, living within your means, etc).
  • 30:55 - The church alone can give a couple the spiritual connection the marriage needs.
  • 31:30 - Individual spiritual habits fulfill a need in our lives
  • 33:30 - Physical Pillar - men and women compliment each other with the emotional and physical sides of an intimate relationship.
  • 34:35 - “Choreplay”
  • 35:10 - Air traffic controllers vs Bowlers (landing airplanes vs knocking down the pins)
  • 37:25 - We’re meant to go together; we teach other to create a fuller and more meaningful experience
  • 37:50 - Different temptations for men and women
  • 38:10 - Avoidable mistakes of young couples
  • 41:30 - Problem solving vs listening
  • 41:45 - Asking for what you need instead of expecting your partner to “just know”
  • 42:45 - “You’re not allowed to complain about something you’ve never asked for”
  • 44:20 - Our society has taught us that asking for what we want is selfish - these leads to covert contracts. “My partner should just know what I need”
  • 46:00 - It’s easy to get discouraged, but just caring about making your marriage better shows that you are on the right track.
  • 46:30 - Satan will never have a marriage, and will never have a family. No wonder he is out to destroy our families.
  • 47:20 - “A problem identified, is a problem half-solved”
  • 48:20: - An example of real-life compromise
]]> E02 - Four Pillars of Marriage with Brad and Debi Wilcox Debi Wilcox, Brad Wilcox, Angilyn Bagley, Nate Bagley 00:53:48 When you belong to a religion in which Eternal Progression is a core belief one thing is certain, you will absolutely change and evolve and grow over time. As you change and grow, your relationships also transform. In order to ensure your relationship is one worthy of Celestial glory, you have to make sure your growth brings you closer together and doesn't pull you apart. Brad and Debi Wilcox suggest you invest your efforts in four different areas of your relationship. Listen to today's episode to find out what they are. When you belong to a religion in which Eternal Progression is a core belief one thing is certain, you will absolutely change and evolve and grow over time. As you change and grow, your relationships also transform. In order to ensure your relationship is one worthy of Celestial glory, you have to make sure your growth brings you closer together and doesn't pull you apart. Brad and Debi Wilcox suggest you invest your efforts in four different areas of your relationship. Listen to today's episode to find out what they are. church of jesus christ of latter-day saints, lds, mormon marriages, latter-day saint, debi wilcox, angilyn bagley, nate bagley, brad wilcox no full 2 ddaeedf5-8c20-4312-8b17-bda7d515692a E01 - The Divinity of Desire with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife Dr. Finlayson-Fife is a licensed psychotherapist with a Ph.D in Counseling Psychology from Boston College.  She wrote her dissertation on LDS women and sexuality, has taught college-level courses on human sexuality, and currently teaches online and community-based relationship and sexuality courses to LDS couples.  She is a frequent contributor on the subjects of sexuality, mental health, and spirituality to LDS-themed blogs, magazines, and podcasts.  She maintains a private practice in Chicago where she lives with her husband and three children.  She is an active member of the LDS church. 

2:35 Jennifer’s workshop “Art of Desire”

4:15 The meaning frames that humans create to justify or explain their circumstances

6:45 It is necessary to integrate your god-given sexuality

8:00 “False tradition” says that sexuality is a necessary evil

8:35 Mormon theology for sexuality

9:10 Ways to be evil

10:15 Sexuality and goodness

11:15 Adjusting to marriage

14:00 Steps to cultivating god-given desire

14:30 we run our own sexuality, it doesn’t run us

16:45 What happens when you’re afraid of your sexuality (repression or indulgence)

18:15 Sexual contract - marriage is a chosen relationship; to know and be known

20:45 Marriage pushes your development

21:30 What can my marriage teach me?

22:15 “Ticks and moles”

23:10 You live in the environment that you create

23:45 We self deceive and collude in not dealing with troubles (polite marriage vs intimate marriage)

24:15 Measuring quality of marriage

25:30 Can there be room for the best of both partners? We often want our own limitations to prevail while expecting our spouses’ limitations to disappear

26:00 Victim mentality (guilt your spouse into submission) It may look like there’s peace, but there will be underlying anger and resentment.

27:00 Unrealistic fantasy of “oneness”

28:00 Using the validation of others to sustain your own sense of self

28:50 “In the name of Love, we can sometimes suck the lives out of our spouses” (validate me, reinforce me)

29:45 Choose to love someone, limitations and all

30:00 Breaking the bond of using someone else for your own validation

31:40 Even if your partner says all the right words, it won’t land anywhere if you don’t feel it in your heart

32:30 Taking accountability for your own life

33:15 “False tradition” if women want to develop vs nurture, then they are selfish (we’ve come to earth to develop and create)

34:30 Create a sense of self

34:50 Self deception is Satan’s path

35:20 Taking responsibility for your own emotions

37:25 Don’t try to manage your partner in order to manage yourself. Trying to control things we have no control over, like our spouses, distracts us from focusing on what we CAN control, like ourselves

38:45 What are my blind spots that I have yet to confront?

39:00 One of the kindest things you can do for your partner is to manage yourself (anxiety is infectious). This allows them to in turn manage THEMSELVES

40:20 Ask yourself “what am I pretending not to know about my role in these circumstances”

41:00 Confronting yourself is a scary thing, especially in a sexual relationship

42:00 Own your own desire and ask for what you want vs covert contracts

42:45 Owning your desire exposes you to the possibility of rejection. This is true intimacy and true vulnerability

43:20 “you’re not allowed to complain about not getting something you’ve never asked for”

44:05 it’s easier to sit in an entitled resentment thinking “you owe me” instead of asking for what you want and risking not getting it.

44:45 When we don’t take responsibility of our desires, we stunt the development of our marriages and of ourselves

44:55 if you’re not getting what you want in your marriage - #1 have you asked for it? #2 are you doing your part to create the possibility of getting it?

46:40 We’re good at thinking about all of the things we think we are owed, but not so good at confronting our part in he negative reality we are living in

47:10 Make it easy for your partner to give you what you want

48:25 The theology of Mormonism contains the architecture for creating amazing marriages

49:15 you come to know God through behavior, not ideas. It’s the way you act in our marriage that is a reflection of how much you understand God.

]]> Sun, 29 Sep 2019 19:41:19 +0000 nate@mormonmarriages.com (Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley, Jennifer Finlayson-Fife) https://mormon-marriages.simplecast.com/episodes/e01-the-divinity-of-desire-with-dr-jennifer-finlayson-fife-twJBjAir Dr. Finlayson-Fife is a licensed psychotherapist with a Ph.D in Counseling Psychology from Boston College.  She wrote her dissertation on LDS women and sexuality, has taught college-level courses on human sexuality, and currently teaches online and community-based relationship and sexuality courses to LDS couples.  She is a frequent contributor on the subjects of sexuality, mental health, and spirituality to LDS-themed blogs, magazines, and podcasts.  She maintains a private practice in Chicago where she lives with her husband and three children.  She is an active member of the LDS church. 

2:35 Jennifer’s workshop “Art of Desire”

4:15 The meaning frames that humans create to justify or explain their circumstances

6:45 It is necessary to integrate your god-given sexuality

8:00 “False tradition” says that sexuality is a necessary evil

8:35 Mormon theology for sexuality

9:10 Ways to be evil

10:15 Sexuality and goodness

11:15 Adjusting to marriage

14:00 Steps to cultivating god-given desire

14:30 we run our own sexuality, it doesn’t run us

16:45 What happens when you’re afraid of your sexuality (repression or indulgence)

18:15 Sexual contract - marriage is a chosen relationship; to know and be known

20:45 Marriage pushes your development

21:30 What can my marriage teach me?

22:15 “Ticks and moles”

23:10 You live in the environment that you create

23:45 We self deceive and collude in not dealing with troubles (polite marriage vs intimate marriage)

24:15 Measuring quality of marriage

25:30 Can there be room for the best of both partners? We often want our own limitations to prevail while expecting our spouses’ limitations to disappear

26:00 Victim mentality (guilt your spouse into submission) It may look like there’s peace, but there will be underlying anger and resentment.

27:00 Unrealistic fantasy of “oneness”

28:00 Using the validation of others to sustain your own sense of self

28:50 “In the name of Love, we can sometimes suck the lives out of our spouses” (validate me, reinforce me)

29:45 Choose to love someone, limitations and all

30:00 Breaking the bond of using someone else for your own validation

31:40 Even if your partner says all the right words, it won’t land anywhere if you don’t feel it in your heart

32:30 Taking accountability for your own life

33:15 “False tradition” if women want to develop vs nurture, then they are selfish (we’ve come to earth to develop and create)

34:30 Create a sense of self

34:50 Self deception is Satan’s path

35:20 Taking responsibility for your own emotions

37:25 Don’t try to manage your partner in order to manage yourself. Trying to control things we have no control over, like our spouses, distracts us from focusing on what we CAN control, like ourselves

38:45 What are my blind spots that I have yet to confront?

39:00 One of the kindest things you can do for your partner is to manage yourself (anxiety is infectious). This allows them to in turn manage THEMSELVES

40:20 Ask yourself “what am I pretending not to know about my role in these circumstances”

41:00 Confronting yourself is a scary thing, especially in a sexual relationship

42:00 Own your own desire and ask for what you want vs covert contracts

42:45 Owning your desire exposes you to the possibility of rejection. This is true intimacy and true vulnerability

43:20 “you’re not allowed to complain about not getting something you’ve never asked for”

44:05 it’s easier to sit in an entitled resentment thinking “you owe me” instead of asking for what you want and risking not getting it.

44:45 When we don’t take responsibility of our desires, we stunt the development of our marriages and of ourselves

44:55 if you’re not getting what you want in your marriage - #1 have you asked for it? #2 are you doing your part to create the possibility of getting it?

46:40 We’re good at thinking about all of the things we think we are owed, but not so good at confronting our part in he negative reality we are living in

47:10 Make it easy for your partner to give you what you want

48:25 The theology of Mormonism contains the architecture for creating amazing marriages

49:15 you come to know God through behavior, not ideas. It’s the way you act in our marriage that is a reflection of how much you understand God.

]]> E01 - The Divinity of Desire with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife Nate Bagley, Angilyn Bagley, Jennifer Finlayson-Fife 00:50:33 Stories are powerful. When a story is based in truth, it resonates with our soul. These truth-based inner-narratives inspire growth, unlock doors of opportunity and progress, and can even transform a life. Stories that aren’t based on truth will completely undermine your relationship with God, destroy your marriages, and corrode our life. Part of learning our journey to become more like Christ involves learning to tell powerful, truth-based stories, and identify when our own stories and the stories of others are based on falsehoods. Stories are powerful. When a story is based in truth, it resonates with our soul. These truth-based inner-narratives inspire growth, unlock doors of opportunity and progress, and can even transform a life. Stories that aren’t based on truth will completely undermine your relationship with God, destroy your marriages, and corrode our life. Part of learning our journey to become more like Christ involves learning to tell powerful, truth-based stories, and identify when our own stories and the stories of others are based on falsehoods. no full 1