Donna Valentino
Author
Direct (469-323-3197)

Perspectivewithdonna.com
Be true to yourself

I remember very clearly a day when I knew that belt was going to be used on me. I dressed in layers so I wouldn’t feel the pain. There. I said it. Pain. Is discipline supposed to be painful? What am I learning from this?

What I learned is that the benefit of the whipping lost its value. Isn’t there a better way?

I also clearly remember a time when my grandmother came over. I was reading a book that I couldn’t put down (that’s how I am when I read) and my mother came into the bedroom and blasted me for not coming out and greeting my grandmother. She took her hand and went to slap me across the face. I grabbed her hand and told her she could never hit me again. I was 15.

My mother’s method of discipline was not going to be repeated with my kids. I found ways to teach right from wrong without getting physical.

In 53 countries in the world, spanking is banned. Some people consider it child abuse. What does getting physical teach our kids? It’s okay to hit someone when they do something wrong. Does the cycle of spanking proliferate or do we find other humane options?

Donna Valentino
Author
Direct (469-323-3197)

Perspectivewithdonna.com
Be true to yourself

I had a divorce and an ATV accident ten years ago happen almost simultaneously. To be honest, the divorce was on the horizon for the last ten years of my marriage. The kicker was the accident. I was pissed off about it because the injuries from it left me without a job and my beloved game of tennis.

Instead of crying in a corner, I pulled up my girl girl pants and propelled myself forward. I wrote two books and started podcasting. I also volunteer at BIND (Brain Injury Network of Dallas). Helping others with brain injuries is my way of giving back.

I chose to make a difference instead of wallowing in despair. Overcoming my obstacles was better than letting them overcome me.

I receive praise and compliments all the time. I appreciate them but don’t really take them to heart. Why? I have this yacking monkey in my head that likes to say negative things about how I look or disses me for not being better at this or that. I am practicing the art of telling that monkey to eat shit and die. That negativity is the reason why I can’t take praise to heart! It counteracts the positive.

Practice makes perfect right? If you suffer from this too, you can practice telling the negativity to kiss off. Your head will thank you.

Donna Valentino
Author • Speaker • Podcaster
Direct (469)323-3197

www.Perspectivewithdonna.com
Be true to yourself

After two hours of berating myself, I was able to change my perspective. Find a rainbow in a shit storm Donna. If you can't shoot those guns, find a different one you can shoot. And that's what I did.

Beating yourself up has no value. Try changing your perspective to find a solution to a problem. That will be more beneficial in the long run.

A few years after my divorce, I hooked up with Jeff on Facebook. We had a long distance romance for 9 months, and then lived with me for two years. I thought I was in love with him, but I was in love with the memory. I could not rewrite the story. I learned that the memory is just a memory and it needs to stay that way.

A woman had a pet snake that she loved very much. The snake was about 7 feet long and one day it just stopped eating. After several weeks of trying everything the lady still couldn’t get the snake to eat. The woman took the snake to the vet and explained the situation. The vet replies “I see … has your snake been sleeping with you at night or snuggling real close and stretching himself out?" The woman said “Yes. Everyday and it makes me so sad that I can’t help him feel better. " The vet says to the lady “Ma’am your snake is not sick. It has been sizing you up everyday so he knows how big he has to be. He’s not eating so he has enough room to digest you.”

Moral of the story: Recognize the snakes around you. Just cause they seem close to you, doesn’t mean their intentions aren’t to devour you.

I tell a story about a best friend I had many years ago. After my son was born, her adopted son came on the scene. She started comparing the boys on a daily basis. This hurt my feelings and I told her about it. She apologized and continued to do it. That was the end of our friendship.

Do you have a friend or family member that is toxic and you have trouble giving them the boot? The only who is hurting is you. Establish healthy boundaries. This is a win-win.

Through conversations with my brother, he claimed that my mother's older brother abused her. The age difference was fifteen years. I wanted to believe him and I did. Until I couldn't. I caught him a lie about this claim. It made me question whether anything he told me was true. How do you have a relationship with a liar?

My dilemma was to be able to accept that I will never know the answer to the question. Through my Reiki therapy, I was able to identify that this issue with my brother was lying just the surface. My brother's daughter sent me an evite because she is having a baby and this seemed to stir the pot. My Reiki Master asked me to write a letter to my brother without the intent to mail it.

I wrote that letter. Because I had no intent to mail it, I was able to "dump" my negative feelings. I held nothing back. What a cleansing experience that was! By writing that letter, I found the peace I so desperately needed.

A look inside myself wasn’t easy. I don’t like or trust my ex husband for reasons I won’t list here. This is not my daughter’s fault. I am taking my shit out on my daughter and that’s not fair. Realizing what I was doing was the first step. The next step was to apologize to my daughter for my actions. This was not difficult to do. My daughter was very gracious that I apologized since she didn’t feel that she did any wrong. By the way, she is nothing like her dad. Old events and memories took over my psyche.

What’s my moral here? I owned up to and took responsibility for my behavior.

One common cause of acid reflux disease is a stomach abnormality called a hiatal hernia. This occurs when the upper part of the stomach and LES move above the diaphragm, a muscle that separates your stomach from your chest. Normally, the diaphragm helps keeps acid in our stomach. But, if you have a hiatal hernia, acid can move up into your esophagus and cause symptoms of acid reflux disease. This is what happened to Bob.

A little back story on Bob’s family history. His grandfather died from this disease because of his lack of effort to address it. When the acid hit his aorta, he bled to death.

Upon a doctor’s visit, Bob was told about Linx Esophageal Surgery. This is a new, revolutionary procedure in GERD surgery. A small device is implanted through minimally invasive techniques that reinforces the LES, keeping stomach acid out of the esophagus and preventing the uncomfortable effects of GERD.

Bob had this surgery done. The first month of recovery was the worst of it. He had to eat very slowly. Bob is very happy with the results as his acid reflux issues are gone.

I have done fifteen colonic sessions with Gen over the course of four months. I lost twenty pounds along with all the bloat and stool retention I was living with. What a difference this has made in my life. It feels good to feel good. Gen has a wonderful bedside manner and is an uplifting, positive soul. She walks you through the process with empathy and a loving heart.

Gen is a certified Colon Hydrotherapy therapist has been doing this for twelve years. She has seen improvement in people with acne, autism, allergies and autoimmune issues. You can check out the I-ACT (International Association of Counselors and Therapists) website for more information on the therapy or you can call her and ask questions that she would be happy to answer.

Gen is located at The House of Gilead in Plano, Texas. The phone number is 972-596-5055. She also practices in another location. You can reach her at 469-537-3178.

Have stomach issues? You have nothing to lose and maybe something to gain by giving colonics a try.

Jeff is a member of BIND (Brain Injury Network of Dallas). BIND provides tools and a bridge of support to adult brain injury survivors so they can reconnect into life, the community and workplace. Jeff's a good guy and has a great sense of humor. He said something really profound after the podcast was over. There are five stages of grief. Anyone who has lost anything goes through these stages. The last stage of grief for him is giving back.

Carrie is a member of BIND (Brain Injury Network of Dallas). BIND provides supportive services for adult brain injury survivors so they can reconnect into life, the community and the workplace. Not only is Carrie a member, but she also works there. If you need anything at BIND, just ask Carrie. In addition to working at BIND, she does part time administrative work from her home. Carrie’s life moves onward. Her positive attitude and friendly demeanor will make anyone’s day. A stroke wasn’t going to beat her. BIND has given her purpose and meaning. A path to educating and giving back.

Kick It With Donna episode 69

Do you ever have a hard time releasing resentment and anger? My issues with abandonment from my mother go back a long way, but I had an issue with my dad too. I’ll share how I overcame and found peace.

Show notes: My mother and father were raised Catholic. Neither one of them were church goers. I was baptized in the Catholic church. My brother was born eighteen months later and was not. During the time of my mother’s pregnancy, her sister came home with Born Again Christianity. My mother dove deep into this. This did not fly well in the family. It wrecked havoc on the marriage. My mother told my father that if he didn’t accept Jesus as his personal savior, he could no longer sleep in the same bed with her. I’m assuming their sex life went into the trash.

My brother and I lived in a religious cage. Our lives consisted of church, Sunday school, Youth Group, Vacation Bible School and memorizing the books of the Bible. As hard as I tried, I could never get her admiration and acceptance for who I was. The only way to please her was to beg, plead and cajole. At the age of eighteen, I hightailed it out of her house. To this day, we have no relationship. After becoming a mother myself, it made me angry and resentful that I didn’t have a mother to commiserate with, nor would my children have a grandmother. I carried this resentment around my whole life. It was bigger than me. I needed help releasing the resentment and finding peace. How do you forgive someone who will never say “I’m sorry?”

I went to see a Ministry counselor for several months. Being able to talk about my past really helped me open the wounds and address them. I came to understand that she is who she is and I am not responsible for her actions. She also gave me a different perspective. See your mother’s parenting as a gift. If she had been the mother you wanted her to be, you would be different too. You are who you are because of her. Those months of counseling helped me find that inner peace. I can now talk about my mother without the angst I used to feel. What a sense of freedom!

When my parents divorced, it was not fun times in my house. My mother and I were like two bulls always butting heads. I wanted to live with my dad. He was recently married and I don’t think the wife was too excited about my arrival. I loved my dad. We just got each other. No stress. No game playing. Living with him meant changing schools, making new friends and meeting the new wife’s family. I would have stayed with him. Unfortunately, after nine months of living there, my dad sat me down and told me it would be better if I went back to my mother. I was rejected by my dad for his wife.

At the age of twenty, my dad called me and said he was divorcing his wife. He then said, “I heard you have a big house.” This comment did not bode well with me. My dad and I didn’t speak for twenty seven years. This was back in the day of no cell phones. Through my brother’s daughter, I reconnected with my dad. We picked up where we left off as if all those lost years didn’t matter. His brother passed away and I flew to New York to be there for him at the wake. Of course, I forgot to pack something and went to the local mall to buy it. I called my dad and mentioned to him that I was sorry we lost so many years. He said to me “I never reached out either.” Boom. For me, that was an apology. That made the hurt of so many years ago seem irrelevant.

My dad died three years ago. I got to spend eighteen wonderful months with him. His legacy lives on through me, and I’m proud to carry his name.

Ever wonder why you do things that make sense at the time and in hindsight make no sense at all? I’m sharing an experience today that helped me learn that I am not always right.

Show Notes: Through the process of healing myself from the inside out, I am discovering parts of me that are not so pretty. It isn’t easy to look at myself and find truth in the ugly. However, I’m finding that it gets easier with more practice. How do I learn and grow unless I do the dirty work first?

Three years ago, I took my son and his girlfriend to New York City for a week. We stayed in a boutique hotel not far from Times Square. Seeing the 9/11 Memorial Museum was very sobering. Most of the time we took Uber, but we did get a Metrocard to take the subway. How do you visit NYC and not get on the subway? I bought show tickets for Humans. My son was late (he’s always late) which made us all late to the show by 5 minutes. They would not let us in. This ruined the night. I came home from this trip annoyed and frustrated and shared that frustration with my daughter via text. I planned on talking to my son about it in my own time when the spirit moved me.

After we returned, I took my son to Mattress Firm to buy him a new mattress. My daughter texted me and asked what I was doing. I told her. She couldn’t understand why I would buy my son something when I was pissed off at him. This made me angry because I felt it was none of her business. Truth be told, she called me out on my own shit and I was angry at her for it.

This is what happens when I respond out of anger. Instead of looking inward, I lashed out at her. Why? I wasn’t willing or able to come down on my son for his shit. This is a long story for a podcast on another day.

This anger at my daughter lasted for quite a while. It was a few months ago that I apologized to her for taking out my inability to deal with my son on her. She was very forgiving and appreciated that I came clean on this.

I hope my honesty and forthcoming resonates with you in some way. We all have our shit that we throw on others because we don’t want to dig deep into ourselves and address a problem, The truth hurts. The only one who can fix you is YOU.

The podcast falls under the Bridging the Gap between Conventional and Holistic medicine.  I have two guests today.  Deb McFarland is the founder of OsteoStrong in Carrollton.  Geraldyne Van Arnam has osteoporosis and is interested in hearing about Deb’s method of therapy without meds.  Geraldyne was put on a med that made her ill.  Even after discussing this with her healthcare provider, she was met with resistance.  They want me on a med that makes me sick.  How do I find a win-win here?

OsteoStrong focuses on skeletal strength conditioning.  High levels of force are needed to trigger bone growth.  Deb starts your therapy with a Dexa Scan (a bone density test).  She then has you perform an isometric move on a few machines to determine a baseline.  This process takes ten minutes once a week.

Your first session is complimentary.  It includes a wellness evaluation and a review of mechanical problems.  Four different machines are used to evaluate you:  upper body, lower body, core and spine.

Geralyne and I both made an appointment to see Deb.  You can google osteostrong.me to find more information.  There was a lot of information covered in this podcast.  Please give it a listen.  Why not be proactive about your health?

Dr. J’s Tranquility Reiki Spa.  What is Reiki?  It can help you alleviate stress and anxiety, lowers blood pressure, eases pain and helps promote overall  mind-body- spirit.

Show Notes:  My guest today is Jonathan Hochberg.  He is a Reiki Master for sixteen years.

What is Reiki?

Reiki (pronounced Ray-Kee) is a complementary therapy for all kinds of illnesses (both physical and emotional) including:  cancer, pain, chronic illnesses, anxiety, depression and is especially helpful in expediting recovery for all pre-and post-operations for medical procedures.  Essentially, the Reiki energy goes to help the innate wisdom of the body to heal.  The energy heals at a cellular level and atomic level.  It changes things by breaking up stagnant energy, adding positive energy and creating space for healing to take place.

Where did Reiki come from?

Dr.  Usui “discovered” Reiki energy and put a name to it in Japan in 1904.  Discovered is in parenthesis because it is believed the healing practice has been around as long as 5,000 years.  We can thank Dr. Usui for creating a specific modality and allowing people to pass down the ability to provide Reiki treatments from one-on-one training from one Reiki Master to another.

How is a Reiki treatment performed?

 It is totally non-invasive.  Reiki therapy involves the laying of hands on the fully-clothed patient by the Reiki practitioner.  His/her hands travel through 12 to 15 different positions, staying in each place for about 5 minutes for a total of about an hour per treatment.

Are medical professionals on board with Reiki therapy?

With continuous positive reactions from many patients, prestigious cancer centers like the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York, the MD Anderson Cancer Center in Texas and the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota offer Reiki classes and treatments for patients on a regular basis as well as in-service classes for their nurses and staff.

How do I book a treatment?

You can go to Dr. J’s website Tranquilityspadfw.com or call him at 214-505-5761.

I tried Reiki for the first time three weeks ago.  Never have I been put into such a meditative state.  I describe my experience in this podcast.  I’m now a regular.  I see and feel results.

How do we make sense of the college admissions scandal?  Were you a helicopter parent or were you a parent who tried to remove obstacles from your kids path?

Show Notes:  I have two guests with me today.  Chrissy Conner and her daughter Madison Auge.  Madison is 22 years old and is graduating from Oklahoma University this May.  Her degree is in Human Relations.  Chrissy owns and operates her own recruiting company, Conner International.  She recruits talent and has a gift of placing people in the right place.  She runs her company with her heart and soul.

Madison’s perspective is very interesting.  She talks about how nervous she gets taking an exam and the peer pressure involved when the class takes the exam together.  Many times, there is a time limit to complete the exam.  One of her pet peeves is that everyone applying to a college is rated solely on their ACT or SAT score.  She took neither.  Her professors wrote recommendations and her entrance essay allowed her admission.  How many students out there have that same anxiety over taking an exam?

Madison also felt that the reason parents chose that path to pay their kids way into the top echelon of schools might have more to do with getting into a college they couldn’t afford to get into.  What if sports is the issue here? Did the dad want to row and wasn’t good enough to do so?  Did the mom want to be a soccer star and wasn’t good enough?  Those are strong motivations.

Chrissy and I felt that a sense of entitlement was involved.  People that are wealthy think that their money can buy them anything.  They think that rules are for everyone else.  Think about how that makes other students feel that got into college on their own merit.  Lawsuits will be flying (a few already are).  What about the schools themselves?  They have some questions to answer.

Chrissy and Madison are very close.  Madison will be working for her mom after she graduates.  Rarely, do I see two family members that just work great together.  Chrissy is very proud of her daughter for getting into the college of her choice and is excited to work with her.

Since this podcast falls under the series of Self Discovery, I found myself guilty of trying to remove obstacles from my kids’ paths.  I had to struggle, why should they?  Because they need to.  How can they ever value their achievements if they didn’t hit the potholes needed to achieve success?  This discovery is important to me.  It is helping me understand how I operate.  I can’t make changes if I’m not aware of an issue in the first place.  Hindsight is a beautiful thing isn’t it?

I have two guests today.  Dr. Joe Ford with Vitality Sports Medicine and Beeben Russell with Russell Distribution.

Show Notes:  Dr. Joe Ford attended Baylor where he majored in Kinesiology and minored in Physical Education.  He attended chiropractic school thereafter and then attended Parker College and earned his doctorate.  After graduating Parker, he became Director of Rehab at Physical Medicine and Rehab Associates.  A short time after, he became a clinic director at Kirkham Healthcare where he worked with evaluating and overseeing the treatment of athletes of various sports. He then opened his own facility, Vitality Sports Medicine.

Dr. Ford provides chiropractic care for the Dallas Metroplex Striders Running Club, Baylor University Track & Field, The NFL New England Patriots, Atlanta Falcons, Arizona Cardinals, Cleveland Browns, Dallas Cowboys, Denver Broncos and Olympians.

Dr. Ford talks about what a concussion really is.  It was known as a bruise to the brain, but it is much more than that.  Concussions are all the rage right now because it is so prevalent in football.  There are many points Dr. Ford covers in this podcast that are worth hearing.

He has come out with a patented brain supplement called CereGold.  This supplement is taken over a course of two weeks.  It encompasses  a three step process  that enables the body to promote healing.

Beeben Russell is with Russell Distribution.  His focus is on holistic modalities using LED therapy.  Brain Light Pro is a flexible pad containing LEDs.  They are embedded below the surface of the pad to maximize comfort.  It is designed to be applied to the head and neck for 20 minutes per day.  LEDs of the wavelength used in the Brain Light Pro has been shown to increase blood flow to the brain.

What can it do for you?  Clinical treatment results have shown that patients experience significant reduction in their symptoms such as headache, sleep disturbance, cognitive impairment, mood swings, irritability, impulsivity, anxiety and balance problems.

Dr. Ford and Mr. Russell both stress that CereGold and Brain Light Pro are not a cure, but could be helpful to an individual suffering from a concussion or a head injury.

There is a lot of information in this podcast that may be over your head.  It is sometimes over mine, but worth knowing about.  My purpose of doing a Part II of Bridging the Gap between Conventional and Holistic Medicine is to provide you with information that you may not be aware of.

Anniversaries celebrate a special occasion.  February 2019 marks my ten year anniversary of surviving an ATV accident.  This accident left me with a TBI and a few injuries that dramatically changed my life.

Show notes:  On February 7, 2009, A friend and I went on an ATV ride at Rough Creek Lodge in Glen Rose, TX.  I remember the first five minutes and nothing else.  The manager placed an unmarked chain over a cattle guard.  I did not see it.  The ATV flipped up and threw me off and then landed promptly on the left side of my head.  I was airlifted to Harris Methodist Hospital in Fort Worth.  I was in the ICU for 49 days.  I then spent 3 weeks at Baylor Rehab and six months at Centre for Neuro Skills.  By September 2009, I was finally able to go home.

As a result of my injuries, I was no longer able to work.  Hello long term disability!  Working a full time job was not in my future.  I needed to reinvent myself.  I wrote a book called Headstrong/Surviving a Traumatic Brain Injury without Losing my Mind.  A few years later, I wrote another book called Heartstrong/Overcome Obstacles and Live Life to the Fullest.

Over the course of these ten years, I’ve had so many wonderful things happen.   I reconnected with my dad and brother after a 27 year lapse of communication.  My daughter and I are forging a strong bond after many years of butting heads.  I’ve gone down the tough love road with my son (one of the reasons why my daughter and I were head butting) after many years of enabling.

I spend a significant amount of  time analyzing my MO to better understand how my reaction response inhibits my growth.  If I am in denial, this is a cop out.  If I act in anger, nothing positive comes from that.

When a woman gets a breast cancer diagnosis, her life comes to a complete stop.  What happens if she has to have a mastectomy?  Is there a way to restore her self confidence and physical appearance?  Paramedical tattooing exists.

Show notes:  Lauree Prieto is my guest today.  She is a paramedical tattooer.  The procedure used to be called Cosmetic tattooing.

A little history on Lauree.  Her mom died of breast cancer when she was 59 years old.  Lauree was one of three daughters and a son and was the one who noticed something odd on her mom’s breast.  It was off to the side and not visible to her mom.  The cancer diagnosis was not far behind.  Her mom went through twelve years on her journey before she died.  The lump was removed in that breast and she went into remission.  It came back and presented in the lymph nodes and spread from there.  This happened in the early nineties.  Her mom wasn’t very open to discussing the process of journey.  Lauree felt that she didn’t want to be a burden and was ashamed that she had cancer.

If we fast forward to today, the 5 year survival rate of breast cancer is 99%.  The information and discussion is more open and women are more likely to share their experience with their children.  Cancer isn’t anything to be ashamed about.  Unfortunately, women who have mastectomies are left without breasts.  Just imagine for a second that your breasts were removed.  How would that affect your self worth?

Lauree always wanted to work with cancer patients and had this desire to become a paramedical tattooer.  Years went by and the desire hit her again.  This time, she saw her dream through and has completed the training and is certified.  I believe her mom’s battle with cancer was a subconscious, motivating force.

What is paramedical tattooing?  An instrument is used to tattoo the areola onto a breast cancer survivor’s breasts.   An eye for detail and a steady hand is an absolute.  A compassionate tattooer is so critical to the success of maintaining a patient’s trust and confidence.  The team effort involved in helping a woman achieve restorative breasts is a process.  Measurements are taken from the clavicle to where the areola should be and size and color are pertinent. Skin is taken from just under the fold of the buttocks and placed on the breast area.  Keep in mind that skin from any part of the body is not expandable like skin on natural breasts.  Fat from some part of the woman’s body is inserted into the breast.  The the skill of a paramedical tattooer creates the areola.

Lauree watches the transformation of the woman’s body language and facial expressions over the restoration process which can take seven months to a year.    This is quite a physical and emotional journey for a woman.  I have nothing but respect and admiration for those who go down the path of helping others feel whole.

Show notes:  My guest today is Tanya Thomas.  She is an entrepreneur coach and has been coaching for thirty years.  In addition to being my guest, Tanya is also my neighbor and friend.  She is a beacon of shining light.  Positivity is her last name:)

Think about what you are conditioned to believe as a young girl.  A white knight in shining armor will sweep you up into his arms and you will live happily ever after.  This conditioning is an external focus on something that is a fallacy.  Instead of focusing on the external, focus on the internal by loving yourself first.  How do you do that?

Me, myself and I.  Yes, you read that correctly.  If you take care of you, there are no complaints.  You’re not late for dinner, you can wear what you want, eat and drink what you want without any judgment!  When was the last time you did something just for you?  You’re always more concerned about making someone else happy that you forget about yourself!

I have been asked by others if eating dinner alone in a restaurant or seeing a movie by myself is weird.  It is not!  It’s actually very freeing.  My sweetheart was out of town one weekend for a rug show.  Did I sit in a corner and cry?  No.  I went out to dinner and saw a movie that made me laugh my butt off.  Have you had a pamper yourself day?  Go get a mani and pedi.  Get a facial or a massage.  Take care of you.

I know Jimmy from BIND (Brain Injury Network of Dallas).  He is a member there and also volunteers his time answering the phones and giving prospective members a tour of the facility.

Jimmy was hit by a car in Boston in 1992 and suffered a TBI.  He spent two months in a coma and another two months in rehab.  His healing journey continues to this day.  Instead of giving up or having a daily pity party, he volunteers his time at Medical City Hospital in Plano.  He talks to families who have a loved one that suffered a head injury.  Sometimes they are responsive, but sometimes not.  This time he spends with these people is a driving force for him.

Jimmy was a really good runner.  It was hard for him to accept that running was not really an option for him anymore.  Three years after his injury, he went for a run and was frustrated that he could no longer meet his prior running time.  To add insult to injury, he was hit by a car again that smashed up his leg.  Bicycling became the substitute.  Jimmy was also very good at fencing.  He had to accept that this skill was also affected by his injury.  However, he was able to compete in fencing in the paraplegic arena.   His life is not worse, just different.

I have a lot of respect for Jimmy. He doesn’t give up.  That is his message to all who are listening.  Don’t give up!   

We all make those resolutions and sometimes they don’t fly. Why? Are your resolutions too lofty? If you took baby steps, would you have a better outcome?

Happy New Year friends!  With every new year come new resolutions.  Do you succeed with yours?  If yes, fantastic!  If no, why not?

Show notes:
Margery Miller is my guest today.  We talk about how resolutions will work for you if you change your mindset.  We are all guilty of making a grandiose resolution that doesn’t have a prayer of succeeding.  I use the “I’m going to lose 20 pounds” example.  Losing 20 pounds isn’t impossible, but wouldn’t it be more realistic if you tweaked that just a little?.  Do you have a plan on how to do it?  Do you think it would work in your favor if you planned on losing two pounds a week?  Maybe your goal is to lose 20 pounds in 2019.  Making smaller weight loss goals can lead you to success instead of failure and disappointment.

My resolution this year is to curb my excessive spending habit.  This goal is bigger than I am.  I’m seeing a cognitive behavior counselor to guide me through this process.  Going back in time, this behavior started in my teen years.  Wanting to be accepted and having control over something in my life leads me to the pickle I’m in now. Playing Monopoly with my honey was an eye opener.  Hadn’t played since I was a kid.  I bought every property I landed on and soon ran out of money.  I lost my butt, and I was pissed abut it.  Losing is not a strength.  I just saw my spending life on the Monopoly board!  The next day, I realized that being pissed was worthless.  Why not play the game again and make more strategic moves.  Buy the more expensive properties and buy houses on them.  Definitely better than buying everything and running out of money.

Margery brought up a great exercise.  Pick one word for the year.  Write down a few sentences in the first person, i.e. I am …  Her word is courage.  She suggested that mine be strategic.  How perfect is that word for me?  Be more strategic on what I spend my money on.

Reach Margery Miller here:

GREAT GIRLS NETWORK

Great Girls Facebook

Tough love and acceptance. My personal journey with my son and acceptance of a scar that runs down my abdomen.

Show Notes:

Have any of you gone down the tough love road with your son or daughter?  I have been an enabler with my son for years. Maybe his whole life.  I paid his rent, bought him furniture, took him shopping twice a year for clothes. I took him out for dinner once a week. I paid for half his tuition.

The bottom line is I loved him and I didn’t want to see him struggle. Unfortunately, struggling is a normal part of life. Without it, you can’t succeed.

Why did I enable?  I didn’t grow up with enabling. My parents divorced when I was eleven. There was no good will between my parents. I had to work for everything I needed and wanted. This wasn’t a bad thing. It gave me a strong work ethic and strength and resilience.

I’m not making excuses for why I enabled.  Going back to the past helps me to understand the why. Did I enable because I wasn’t?  Did I think I would be a better parent by giving my kids everything without them having to work for it?

After my son graduated SMU with a degree in finance, I was sure he would get a good paying job. He never even tried. He is now begging his dad for a job, and I have become his sworn enemy.

Where does this leave me?  Strong in my belief that the tough love road is the only way he will learn to be financially independent.  Do I miss him and still love him?  Yes, I do.

* * * * *

From my ATV accident in 2009, I suffered a TBI and had a lacerated liver and bowel perforations. They cut me open to address the liver and bowels. This left me with a scar down my abdomen and it didn’t make my day. No more bikinis for me!  I tried two different non-invasive procedures to lessen the look of it, but was disappointed in the results.

My sweetheart and I went to Jamaica the first week in December. We picked an adult all inclusive resort in Ocho Rios. The reason we picked this resort was because they had an au natural beach a very short boat ride away. Neither one of us had ever gone to an au natural beach before. We teased each other about it for weeks. I felt so insecure about that scar. What if people stared?  What if someone asked me what happened?  Guest what?  No one did. Nobody gave a crap about that scar, why should I??

I left Jamaica feeling like a new person. It took nine and a half years to finally accept that scar by going to a nude beach!  Now I look at that scar as a badge of honor.

I feel honored to share my personal life with you. Thank you for listening.

My guest today is Bob Gray. Bob suffers from a TBI that happened in his home. He climbed a ladder and fell 16 feet.  He hit his head and was knocked unconscious. Bob’s sixteen year old daughter found him and immediately called 911. Her quickness probably saved his life.

McKinney Fire and EMS raced him to the hospital. He was then flown to Parkland Hospital where they were more equipped to deal with his injury.

Part of Bob’s skull was removed to relieve pressure on the brain and he was in a coma for three weeks. It took Bob two and a half months to recognize anyone. He spent six months at Pate (in-house rehab facility).

Through counseling sessions, he was diagnosed with PTSD. Prior to his injury, he was a captain for the Arlington County Virginia Fire Department. His job took him to the Pentagon when 9/11 happened. The things Bob saw and experienced were not pleasant. Those memories never left his mind. The counseling he received because of his PTSD helped him find a more conducive place to store them.

Bob is thankful for his family. His passion going forward is to help others. He is writing a book that will be published in March 2019.

Show Notes:  My guests today are Jenny Downing Tagge and Christopher Tagge. How do I know them?  I met them at BIND (Brain Injury Network of Dallas). I have the honor of doing a writing workshop there for the members that want to speak and write about their injury.

Jenny and Christopher met on Facebook through a stroke survivor network. Did these two expect to find love on this network?  Probably not. But they did.

Jenny had a stroke while her son was all of eight years old. She is currently battling brain cancer. She is taking names and numbers. I’m inspired by her strength and resilience.

Christopher was born with a birth defect as a result of his mother taking a drug for morning sickness. He suffered a stroke and had seizures. Christopher makes me laugh my butt off. We just get each other. He has strength and a kick ass attitude.

Jenny and Christopher have fire power, individually and together. Never give up is their mantra!

Christopher is grateful for God and his dad.

Jenny is grateful for her family and her son Joel.

I hope you find Jenny and Christopher’s story as inspiring as I do.

Thanksgiving is here!  We could be grateful everyday, but sometimes we forget.

Show Notes:  Thanksgiving is when we are obligated to give thanks even if we don’t feel like it.  You’re going to have family and maybe even some friends over to eat the turkey, stuffing, sweet potato soufflé, green bean casserole and pumpkin pie.  The problem is sometimes your family or friends aren’t in their happy place so they make the dinner a stressful and unwelcome event.  Damn, I went through all this work and, instead of feeling thankful, I’m annoyed.  What is one to do??

If you’re anything like me, you enjoy the all the work that goes into making this event happen.  What you don’t enjoy is the lack of appreciation for your effort.  Or, you have one family member that sucks all the oxygen out of the room with their negativity or bad attitude.  Every family has their own dynamic.  You may not be able to do anything about that one family member’s bad attitude that day.  However, you do have choices.  You could choose to not have the dinner ay your house one year.  If anyone asked why, you could tell them why.  You could choose to take a vacation so you can eat your dinner in peace.  Would these choices have any effect on the following year?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  But you will have made your point.  Setting healthy boundaries works for everyone.

The whole idea of choosing is to give you the Thanksgiving Day you deserve, not one you will regret.  The bottom line is that you want to be grateful for your family and friends.  For the children you have, the food you eat, the job you have, the house you live in.

Do you ever wonder why you get stuck in a situation and can’t figure out how to get out?  Fear is usually the answer.  So many other emotions fall under fear.  What is holding you back?

Show Notes:  My guest today is Aaliyah Haqq.  We had lunch one day and found out that we have a lot in common.  One of our conversations was on online dating.  We’ll save that podcast for a different day.  We focused on relationships and asked the question, what holds people back from doing something else.  Fear is the number one reason.  If you’re in an unhappy marriage, here are some other challenges in breaking away:

• Desperation
• Loneliness
• Children
• Loss of friends
• Loyalty
• Lack of finances
• Family repercussions
• Self worth
• Healthcare
• FAILURE

I capitalized failure for a reason.  I don’t like to fail.  Do you?  I’ve been divorced for eight years.  The last ten years of my marriage sucked.  I was unhappy and didn’t address it.  You know why?  Fear.  My parents divorced.  My mother used my brother and I like pawns in a game we didn’t understand.  I was afraid my husband would do the same.  I didn’t have my own income or healthcare.  How would I survive?

I survived and have no regrets.  I also taught my children a valuable lesson.  Don’t give in to fear.

My new attitude:  I would rather have peace than be right.

We all have daily challenges and the occasional mountains to climb.  How grateful are you for these?  Maybe it’s time to change your perspective.

My guest today is Margery Miller.  I went to see her for counseling two weeks ago.  She knew a lot of my background, but we dug deeper into it.  Growing up in a strict born again christian home, my mother and I had problems getting along.  Those problems were never resolved.  I saw her three times over the course of thirty five years.  I couldn’t understand why she cut me and my brother out of her life.  I spent many years resenting her and held this deep seeded fury inside me.

Margery made a real impact on my attitude by asking me if I would be the person I am today if my mother wasn’t the mother she was to me.  She made me realize that I should be grateful to her for being who she was.  I never looked it at that way.  That’s what happens when you change your perspective.  I left Margery’s house that day with a gift:  gratefulness.

We spent some time talking about other dysfunctional relationships and how to address them.  Setting healthy boundaries is key to establishing what you will accept and what you won’t.  The lines won’t get blurred if you make them clear.

Margery’s Principles:

Gratitude, appreciation and self-discipline are the keys to freedom.

Gratitude for what is as it is;
Appreciation, which enhances that gratitude and includes all the elements and individuals in the universe that brought forth that for which I am grateful; and
Self-discipline.  I pay attention to what goes in my mouth and out of my mind; in my ears and out of my mouth.

Continuing the series on Change in Perspective, my guest today will talk about how cognitive decline and Alzheimer’s can ruin your day.  What can be done to help you or a loved one?

Show Notes:

My guest today is Dr. Jade Malay.  She is the Founder of Apex Physical Medicine and has practiced in the Dallas area since 1992.  She is a chiropractor and RN.  Her book, Out of the Oblivion, focuses on Alzheimer’s.   It is the #3 cause of death and is also referred to as type 3 diabetes.

There are two types of people that exhibit signs of “something isn’t right”.  One group is you.  You forget things, miss appointments, lose navigational skills.  The other group is you noticing that a loved one is having these issues that they may or may not be aware of.  Not only are they not aware, but they are belligerent when you mention it.  Many children are having to deal with putting a parent into an assisted living facility.  This is not fun times.  It is heartbreaking for so many reasons.

Inflammation in foods and blood sugar issues can cause worrisome problems in your body.  Other issues are hormones, trauma, circulation, heavy metals in your system.  Dr. Malay can send you to have a NeuroQuant Test.  This is an MRI that focuses on your brain.  It can provide specific information on problem areas that are present.

We all know that there is no cure for Alzheimer’s.  There is no magic pill to make it go away.  However, a change in lifestyle, nutrition, diet and exercise can be a positive step in managing the symptoms.

Dr. Malay’s approach is to put you on a protocol that works for YOU!  She has a 92% success rate in helping people regain function by addressing the issues mentioned above.

You can learn more about Dr. Malay at dallasintegratedhealth.com.  She does frequent seminars to educate people and gives out her book.

As someone with a traumatic brain injury, I made an appointment to talk to Dr. Malay and have the NeuroQuant Test done.  Being proactive is better than being reactive.

Do you ever feel like you run yourself ragged doing one task right after another?  You’re not alone!  Most of us pride ourselves on being the ultimate multitasker, but the truth is our brains are not wired for that.

Show Notes:  Our brain is not wired for multitasking.  We are designed to focus on one task at a time.  When we multitask, we are switching from one task to another rapidly which causes inefficiency.  Would you rather do each task well or do several tasks that haven’t received your full focus?

Multitasking has also been found to increase production of cortisol, the stress hormone.  This leaves us feeling mentally exhausted!

I have been having difficulty with all the all the details that need to be done every day.  I really want to tell people to take a hike when they demand my attention and I can’t give it to them at that moment. Here are some things I do that really help me out:

• Put my phone on silent.  This allows me the ability to check it at my convenience.  No more constant dinging.  That is a distraction like no other!
• I turn off all notifications.  I know where every app is on my phone and check them at my convenience.
• I block off certain times of the day to read my email.  I know this sounds impossible, but if you try it, you won’t believe how possible it is.
• I focus on one task at a time.  This allows me to get the task done efficiently.
• I take breaks.  Yes, you read this correctly.  I can focus on a task for two solid hours, but then I need to walk away from it for a bit.  When I come back to it, I’m fresh and ready to go.

Here are some of the negatives of multitasking:

• It dampens creativity
• Adds stress
• Affects your memory
• Affects your relationships
• You miss out on your life
• Can make you overeat (constant snacking instead of a full meal)

Do you ever tire of feeling judged?  Susan Johnson is my guest today. She talks about her journey of freeing herself from judgment.

Show Notes:

My guest today is Susan Johnson. She is a health coach for her business called Invigorated. She also works for the Thermography Center of Dallas.

Susan’s son Josh was born weighing 3lbs. 4 oz. Susan breastfed him for fourteen months. When she stopped, he had digestive issues that her pediatrician insisted was due to Josh’s low birth weight.  Susan was not happy with this explanation and became an advocate for her sons health. She discovered that Josh was intolerant of milk and soy.  Finding things her son could eat without becoming sick was her new norm.

Sending Josh to school didn’t work out well because he was sick all the time.  Anyone with small children knows that kids get every bug known to mankind at school and then come home to give it to mom and dad.  This made play dates and extra curricular activities impossible.  Home schooling was the only option Susan had.

She eventually found out through an allergist/immunologist that Josh had X-Linked agammaglobulinemia.  Yes, that’s a long name.  This is an inherited disorder in which a person has low levels of protective immune system proteins called immunoglobulins.  Immunoglobulins are a type of antibody.  Low levels of these antibodies make you more likely to get infections.

There is always something good to be had in bad situations.  Josh is now 20 years old and has completed three years of college.  Life goes on for him albeit a little different from everyone else.

Mercury is a planet, but that’s not the mercury we’re talking about.  Ever wonder if the mercury fillings in your mouth are an issue?  Dr. Philip Kozlow practices the latest holistic dentistry, also referred to as biological or alternative.  He explains the process of removing mercury fillings and how that can benefit you.

Show notes:

If you’re like everyone else, you have mercury fillings in your mouth from cavities.  This is also called dental amalgam.  Other than being unsightly, why are they undesirable?

Dental amalgam contain elemental mercury.   It releases low levels of mercury in the form of vapor that can be inhaled and absorbed by the lungs.  High levels of vapor exposure are associated with adverse effects in the brain and kidneys.  This means that mercury is a neurotoxin.  Yuck!

So why do so many dentists use mercury to fill your teeth when a cavity presents itself?  This is what they were trained to do and it is the least expensive filling option that is less likely to break than other filling material.

What is the process for removing them?  After being draped in a gown, a nose piece is placed over your nose that gives you oxygen.  Dr. Kozlow and his assistants are also in gowns with a surgical mask over their mouth.  A suction tube is placed on your abdomen to remove mercury vapors while undergoing the procedure.  Basically, the room turns into a hazmat procedure!  Dr.  Kozlow removes the fillings in one piece and replaces them with a metal free filling that can be matched to the color of your teeth giving you an aesthetically pleasing restoration.

Dr. Kozlow’s advice is to look for “Mercury Safe” NOT “Mercury Free”.  He is also a member of IAOMAT which is the International Academy of Oral Medicine & Toxicology.  He is located in Addison, Texas and can be reached at 972-458-2464.

I have gone down this road myself and removed the mercury fillings from my mouth.  Many tests told me that I had heavy metals in my system and mercury was high.  I am very proactive about my health.  Why not do something positive and head off potential problems down the road?

Have you ever said “I should have done this” or “I should have done that”?  We are all guilty of this.  We’re probably not aware we are doing it.  I want to rid myself of this negative practice and replace it with a more positive one.  What is wrong with saying I should instead of I could, I choose, I desire, I want or I love?

Show notes:

What state of mind are you in?  Apparently, the answer comes from what you feel and say.  Doing this podcast with Margery Miller has enlightened me on how negative it is to say I should have done ….  I’m now more cognizant of what I say and am looking to replace “I should” with:

1. I love to ….  Self actualization
2. I choose to …. Self fulfillment
3. I desire to …  Self esteem

These three phrases represent the highest level of consciousness.

      4.  I want to …. Social thinking

This is the bridge between the highest level of consciousness and the lowest levels of consciousness which are:

      5.  I need to …  Security thinking
      6.  I should or I ought to …. Survival thinking
      7.  I got to or I must or I have to …. Desperation thinking

The lowest levels of consciousness thinking manifests itself in the closed minded people who live paycheck to paycheck as opposed to the open minded people who think in the highest level of consciousness and are reaping what they sow as a result.

I hope this podcast resonates with all of you.  That’s why the question “what state of mind are you in” is so relevant.  Revisit what you say and take note of it because you do have a choice.  Margery leaves everyone with the word GAS that we can adopt as our daily mantra:

“Gratitude, Appreciation and Self Discipline”

The Big “F”.  Freedom from helpaholism.  What is that you ask?  Many of us suffer from this desire to help others when the help was never asked for in the first place.  I am a helpaholic.  Are you?

My guest today is Margery Miller, a self named “helpaholic”.  She came up with the term when she realized that the help she offered to others was not appreciated and, therefore, not taken.   Didn’t they realize that her help will make a difference with their problem?  She could see it so clearly, why can’t they?  Maybe because they didn’t ask for help in the first place.  Watching others not take her advice created stress and anxiety.  That’s when she realized that it wasn’t about them, it was about her.  Margery made a choice to set herself free from helping others who don’t ask for it.  Boy, how freeing that is!

Margery offers three steps to help you if you suffer from being a helpaholic:

1.  What’s in it for me?
2.  Stop taking responsibility for others.
3.  Be kinder to yourself

Margery is the founder of Great Girls Network.  This is a group of amazing women who share their happy, sad and challenging life experiences  at once a week track meetings that focus on transitions, growth and wellness.  Check out greatgirlsnetwork.org

Abuse comes in many forms.  Psychological, spiritual, emotional and physical.  We are going to focus on physical abuse today.  When you think about it, physical abuse encompasses psychological, spiritual and emotional abuse too, don’t you think?

My guest today is Simone Mckinstry.  She recently moved to Dallas to escape an abusive relationship.  She left her business and her home because she felt her life was in danger.  She also left her grown daughter and grandchild.  She was not married to this man, but had been living with him for three years.  At first, all seemed fine.  He was charismatic, wanted to take care of her, had a good relationship with her daughter and family.  She thought he was her knight in shining armor.  I should mention that Simone has Lyme disease.  This disease put her in a weakened physical state.  The best opportunity for the perfect storm.

Things in the relationship started to shift.  He had anger management and trust issues that were not addressed.  As if those weren’t bad enough, he was not faithful.  Simone was witness to texts he received from other women about the sexual relationships he had with them.  When Simone asked him about them, she was told it wasn’t her business.

This man is a police officer.  Needless to say, a gun was always nearby.  On several occasions, he pointed the gun at Simone’s head and threatened her.  Simone was sure that she would become a statistic.  Her daughter and family blame her for leaving.  It’s her fault.  She destroyed the relationship.  How could she do that?

Here is a man who abused a woman in a physically weakened state.  He gained the trust of her daughter and Simone’s family.  Simone gets blamed.

Cheers to Simone for being courageous enough to walk away and save herself!!  She is living with her sister and getting emotionally stronger everyday.  Her strength will grow as she builds a solid foundation in a positive environment not a negative one.   It is my hope that her family will come around and recognize the brave woman Simone is.

Karla Nunn, Mommy Strong, gets up close and personal as she interviews Donna.

Show Notes
 
My series on Bridging the Gap Between Conventional and Holistic Medicine is geared to provide you with alternative ways to maximize your own self help.  My guest today, Paul Finne, is the owner of 03inspire.  Paul provides ozone therapy and massage services for his clients.  What is ozone therapy?

Transdermal ozone therapy in a sauna cabinet is a non-invasive therapy for detoxification and immunity boost for the body.

There are many secondary benefits to the O3inspire experience. Far infrared, aroma therapy, oxygen
therapy, and light therapy.

Paul Finne can be reached at 214-868-8845. O3inspire is located inside Telos Fitness Center at 13701 Dallas Parkway, Dallas 75240.

Bowen Therapy has been around for twenty years. It takes your body out of flight or fight mode and into relaxation and calm mode.

Hemp Oil. What is it and what can it do for you?  Discover how ingesting and topically applying hemp oil can benefit you. Yes, it’s legal.

Dr. Melita is a family practitioner who is bridging the gap between conventional and holistic medicine. Doctors are very necessary in our life. Is there an alternative to the conventional route that can enhance your health going forward?

We all have a past life. How do you deal with yours? You can find peace, forgiveness and healing. Helping yourself is very empowering.

Ever wonder what’s in your skin care products?  Think about this. You put these products on your skin and body everyday. How about cleaning up your act for a more healthful you.

Did you ever wish for a test that could give you all the answers? A test that could put you on the path to address the issues that are found? Having a thermography done will do just that.

Are you aware of the toxins in your makeup and skincare products? Probably not. You’re not alone. Discover how “cleaning up your act” can benefit you.

Bridging The gap Between Conventional and Holistic – Essential Oils

What do know about oil?  Not motor oil, olive oil or coconut oil.  I have a guest today who sells essential oils.  Why are they so good for you.

I Love Me

It’s Valentine’s Day and not everyone has a Valentine. Does it matter?  It doesn’t if you love yourself.

Leap of Faith

Does fear of the unknown prohibit you from taking a leap of faith?  I’m taking that leap with a relationship and trying to deal with my fears.

I Was Not Prepared For This

A life changing event can happen in a flash. It turns your world upside down. How do you handle this event?

Happy New You!

Happy New Year means different things to different people. Most of us make New Year resolutions. Do you make resolutions that are bigger than you are?

Joy of tradition Old and New

We all grew up with holiday traditions that our families set up for us.  Hopefully, those traditions still bring you good memories.  What if they didn’t?  Did you set up your own traditions instead?  I have a before and after story to share with you.

The Joy of Decluttering

Do you want to declutter your life?  I’m not talking about people. I’m talking about stuff. Paid bills, old clothing, books. The list is endless. Do you ever ask yourself why you hold on to the stuff?Let’s go there.

Grateful To Learn

The Thanksgiving holiday is a reminder to be thankful.  I am grateful to wake up everyday and be someone. I am also grateful to learn.  I’ve learned so many good things from being in negative relationships.  What about you?  What have you learned?

Brainwashed Once Once A Time

I was a young child when my mother brainwashed me. She was a Born Again Christian and she took it to the extreme. I overcame the effects of her attempt to make me believe what she was teaching me. Have you ever been brainwashed?

Masking Your Fear

What does fear stand for?  F=False E=Evidence A=Appearing R=Real.  What masks do you wear and what benefit do you get from wearing them?   Do you fear removing them because you won’t be accepted for who you really are?

Forever Young

We all want to look younger. How much does it cost to do that?  The average woman will spend up to $300,000 in her lifetime on beauty and skin care products. A special guest joins me today to tell you how you can achieve your personal goal to look younger.

The Purging of Assholes

Yes, I said assholes.  They come in all sizes and shapes.  By assholes, I’m talking about negative, toxic people that absolutely drain the crap out of you.  Some of them might be a child, a spouse, a family member or a friend.  How do you deal with this type of person?  Do you just accept it because you feel like you have to or do you walk away and hope that your rejection opens their eyes?

Shit Happens, Now What?

We all have shit happen.  How we deal with that shit makes all the difference in the world.  Do we go cry in a corner or do we get up and make lemonade out of lemons?

Remembering 9/11

September 11, 2001.  We will all remember that horrific day.  A terrorist attack on U.S. soil.  The Twin Towers are gone, the Pentagon was hit and Shanksville, Pennyslvania will always be remembered.  The terrorists used our own airplanes to do their dirty deed.  Where were you that day?  What have we learned from the evil acts of others?

Remnants
What is a remnant?  It’s a fragment or a scrap. What do you do with them?  We all have fragments. Memories, photographs, places we’ve been to. Do you let those fragments haunt you?  Do they become baggage?

The Dating Game

Are you single? Divorced? Looking for a connection with that one person who floats your boat?  I’ve been there. I finally found that one person but only after looking inside myself.

Nature Vs. Nurture

Nature vs. nurture is an age old debate. Is it your DNA that makes you the person you are today or is it the nurturing you received in your formidable years?  I believe it is a combination of the two.

Power of Forgiveness

I read a quote once on Facebook. I don’t know who wrote it, but it really resonated with me. “I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry, and accept an apology I never received.”  Isn’t that the truth?  Forgiving someone isn’t about that person. It’s about you. The longer you drag around anger and angst hurts you not them.

Angry Birds

No, this is not about the video game your kids might play or Alfred Hitchcock’s movie The Birds.  What does anger do for you?  Is there a difference between positive anger that brings forth something good or negative anger that brings back negativity?

Acceptance

Accepting yourself can be difficult when unforeseen obstacles throw your mojo out of whack.  Or, you were dealt a crappy hand and you have no choice but to deal with it.  People deal with things in their own way.  Do you overcome and make lemonade out of lemons?  Can you accept yourself with pride and dignity?

Are your kids home for the summer and driving you over the edge?  You’re not alone. Parents everywhere are dealing with the “I’m bored” mantra. How do you deal with this?  Are you creative with ideas or do you just get pissed off and yell at the kids because that is the knee jerk reaction?

Assholism

I made this word up.  It’s not in the dictionary.  An ism is a practice.  Something you do repeatedly.  My definition of assholism is the practice of being an asshole always.

Examples of assholism are on the road, in parenting, in the grocery store and in the workplace.  How many assholes do you deal with everyday?

Why Not?
We all suffer from the Why syndrome. I am the best example of this. I have questions that I would like answers to. Sometimes those answers never come. I have to live with that. There is another way of looking at the why question. Is that question a negative? On the other hand, why not is a positive because it propels you to explore the other side of why. It will give you a
chance to be open to new opportunities and all the gifts those opportunities can bring. Why Not?

The Secret

I have a secret I want to share with you. What you put forth in this life is what you will get in return. It’s called the law of attraction. If you think positive thoughts instead of negative ones, positivity will come your way. This sounds easy, but it isn’t. It takes practice. When I get agitated about something, I purposely think of something else that I love (a song, my kids, a favorite destination) to turn my mindset into a more positive one. Staying annoyed is such a complete waste of energy.

Practice this a few times. I promise, you will notice a difference.

Girl Talk

What did you do for Father’s Day? I upped the ante this time around with my sweetheart of six months. I took him to breakfast at a favorite place, then we went to Spa Castle and had a detox day that included a Swedish massage for him and a full body scrub for me. We had a glass of wine and some sushi and hung out at the outdoor pool. A little extra effort on my part made his Father’s Day memorable.

What pampering do you do for yourself? Get your nails done? Massages? Waxing? Pampering is so good for you. Even if it’s a stretch financially, you will feel relaxed and not ticked off at your husband and kids because you took care of yourself. If you take care of others and not yourself, you will always feel cheated. You count too.

Trigger Me

There are a few definitions for the word trigger. The one I am using today is: anything as an act or event that serves as a stimulus and initiates a reaction.

Let’s use the trigger of a gun as an analogy. When you pull the trigger, it goes bang! Then you have the recoil that pushes the barrel into your hand.

There are two kinds of triggers. A positive one and a negative one. Ever have a word, a song, a smell or a place that takes you back to a bad place? Recognizing it and addressing it can make the difference between overcoming it or letting it overcome you.

Two guests are with me today to talk about how the negative triggers have affected them and how they are addressing them going forward. What negative triggers do you have? Do you walk around pissed off about them or do you recognize them and don’t know how to address them?

Narcissism Anyone?

Did you know that narcissistic personality disorder affects an estimated 1 percent of the general population? It sure seems like more than that are affected. At least it feels that way when you are married to one. A pre-warning. This is not an ex-husband bashing.

I lived with it for twenty- seven years. How many of you are living with it? Are you married to one? Do you have a sibling with it? A parent? A friend? Whoever it is, you are not crazy! You are not the one with the issue. You are just the unlucky recipient. So, what are your choices? Continue to stay because you are afraid to leave. Leave because you do want to be free from it.

My goal today is to help you understand what narcissism is and how it affects your well-being. Living with it for as long as I did makes me somewhat of an expert because of my life experience. To be honest, I never that there was something wrong with me. I felt that there was something wrong with him, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. The things that he did and said were hurtful and made for a very rough family dynamic for me and our two kids.

It took me many years to understand that my ex was a narcissist. There were issues in our marriage that could never be resolved because of it. I stood by and watched him bully our kids and me too, now that I think about it. We fought over it many times to no avail. I suggested we go to a marriage counselor to help us out. He refused because he was never wrong. The issues in our marriage resulted in a divorce. I was dating someone who took a few night classes. One of his classes was on psychology. He had a study sheet on narcissism. He said, “this is your ex-husband.” As I read it, I realized he was right. Hindsight is a beautiful thing.

When you’re in something that is messed up, you are too close to the fire to have any objectivity. When you remove yourself from it, you start to see the light. A few years later, I was taking a trip to New York and bought a book called Assholes, A Theory by Aaron James. No, this was not a picture book of people’s assholes. Instead, it was a book about placing assholes into different categories. The first category was narcissism. Little did I know that on my trip to New York I would be reading about my ex-husband! I learned so much and it all finally made sense.

Through Wikipedia, I found the following. What is the definition of narcissism and where did the term come from? Narcissism is the pursuit of gratification from vanity or egotistic admiration of one’s own abilities. The term originated from Greek mythology where the young Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water. The psychological definition is extreme selfishness with a grandiose view of one’s own talents and a craving for admiration. It gets more interesting with the synonyms. Vanity, self-love, self-admiration, self-absorption, self-obsession, conceit, self-centeredness, self-regard and egotism. As you can see, a lot of “selfs” in there.

There are traits and signs of narcissism that some narcissists have some or all of:

1. Self-focus in interpersonal relationships

2. Problems in sustaining satisfying relationships

3. Lack of psychological awareness

4. Difficulty with empathy

5. Problems distinguishing self from others

6. Hypersensitivity to all insults or imagined insults

7. Vulnerability to shame rather than guilt

8. Haughty body language

9. Flattery to people who admire or affirm them

10. Detesting those who do not admire them

11. Using other people without considering the cost of doing so

12. Pretending to be more important than they think they are

13. Bragging and exaggerating their achievements

14. Claiming to be an expert at many things

15. Inability to view the world from the perspective of other people

16. Denial of remorse or gratitude

17. Entitlement

So, what are you supposed to do with all this information? You know the adage knowledge is power? Now you have the power to make a choice. I know this choice isn’t easy. I’ve been there. Do you think I instantly decided to get a divorce without seriously thinking about it? I had two kids to consider. I was afraid of the unknown.  Now, I know what you’re asking. How did I make the decision to leave and follow through? I haven’t walked a mile in your shoes and you haven’t walked a mile in mine. I am headstrong by nature. If I stay, this is what I will deal with the rest of my life with no rainbow at the end of the tunnel. If I leave, I release myself from being a prisoner to someone else’s narcissistic behavior. I struggled with the all the what ifs. What if my ex poisoned my kids against me? What if my kids resented my decision? At the end of the day, I knew the answer. You need to go Donna. Save yourself. I made the decision and have no regrets. Leave behind what you can’t change.

You know what I did change? My ex can no longer control me. I am free.

Let’s talk about my kids. How did the interaction my ex had with them as young children affect them? Here’s the deal. It does affect them. Are they strong enough to see their dad for who he is? Are they capable of leaving what they don’t like and taking what they do like to carry on? Can they raise their own children without the baggage given to them and create a positive, loving home? I pray the answer is yes.

I hope my decision to make a change is an example to my kids and to you on how to deal with uncomfortable issues so you can free yourself. By not setting this example, I do all a terrible disservice.

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist and want to seek out advice, please visit narcissisticandemotionalabuse.co.uk.

I hope that by listening today you learned everything you need to know about narcissism. I hope it helps you make a choice.

Freedom to be Happy

What makes you happy? When was the last time you did your happy dance?

I do a happy dance every day.

Having an ATV accident eight years ago makes me look at each day as a gift. I should be dead.

Instead, I was given the gift of life.

What do I do with this gift? I eat right, exercise daily, hang out with positive, happy people. I enjoy the company of my children. I try to inspire other people. Maybe whatever makes you happy is different.

If you’re anything like me, you bring happiness to others and overlook yourself. If you rely on others to make you happy, you will be disappointed. The only person who can make you happy is YOU!

I have to right to choose. You have the right to choose too. We are all given that right. It’s what you choose that makes the difference. You can choose to be happy, or you can choose to let your obstacles over rule you.

Enabling the Disabled

What do I mean by disabled? I’m not talking about people in a wheelchair. I’m talking about people you love who depend on you because you continue to enable their behavior.  You taking on this behavior is nothing but a burden to you.

I enabled my own behavior when my kids were in school by doing their projects. Why did I do this? Was the grade for them or was it for me? Apparently, it was for me. I recently ended a relationship with a family member because the burden of that person’s behavior became too much to bear.

People will always show their true colors. Are you dealing with any relationships where you feel used, abused and disrespected?

Family Dysfunction

Podcast on May 16, 2017

Family Dysfunction is something we all have to deal with. How we deal with it can make us or break us. It can make us stronger or weaker. What family dysfunction do you have in your life? Are you happy with how you handle it? I hope that what we talk about here today will give you some insight and help you with whatever family dysfunction you have in your life.

I have several guests with me today to talk about family dysfunction in their life and how they deal with it. We have two guests with me here today. Karla Nunn is 42 and has two children. Jordan Weiss is 24 and is my son.

What is a pattern? It is a combination of qualities that are repetitive.

Some patterns are good. For example, you eat healthy, you’re active, you are respectful to others, you mind your manners, you provide for your family.  Some patterns are not good. Yet we continue to repeat them. Why do we do the same thing over and over again and expect different results? How do we recognize a bad pattern and change it?

I’ll use a bad pattern I had as an example. I’ve been divorced for eight years. I have dated several men with the same characteristics. Never been married and did not have children. The same negative result was achieved. The relationship goes south. Why am I attracted to the same type of man over and over again? Now I have to look at myself since the common denominator is me. What is in me that is attracting this type of person? I recognized that I had this pattern and wanted to change it. I decided to cut the head off the snake. No more dating this type of man! A few weeks later, I met someone randomly at an upscale restaurant bar with a girlfriend. A spark was there and that spark continues to this day. I changed a pattern and was rewarded with meeting someone special. Something positive came out of breaking a negative pattern.

This podcast round’s up Donna’s personal story and focuses on dating and forgiveness.

This podcast continues with Donna’s personal story and focuses on how her life is different and how she helps other people.

This podcast continues with Donna’s personal story and her “punching back” after her traumatic experience.

This podcast continues with Donna’s personal story and focuses on the “5 stages” of grief and their effects.

This podcast starts with Donna’s personal story, which changed her life and direction.