The Covert Narcissism Podcast

Why It Took You So Long to See It: Cognitive Dissonance in Covert Narcissistic Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 12 Apr 2026 18:00:00 +0000

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why didn’t I see it sooner?” after being in a covert narcissistic relationship, you are not alone. The truth is, you didn’t miss the signs—your body was recognizing them long before your mind could make sense of what was happening.

In this episode, we break down the confusing experience of cognitive dissonance in covert narcissistic abuse—why your body felt anxious, tense, or unsafe while your mind continued to justify, minimize, or explain away the behavior. You’ll learn how your nervous system detects emotional threat outside of your conscious awareness, and why this disconnect between what you feel and what you believe can keep you stuck far longer than you expected.

We also explore how conditioning, people-pleasing patterns, and the desire to maintain connection can lead you to override your intuition—and why that is not a failure, but a survival response.

If you’ve struggled with shame, self-doubt, or confusion after leaving a covert narcissist, this episode will help you understand what was really happening beneath the surface—and how to begin rebuilding trust with yourself moving forward.

If you’re ready to take the next step beyond understanding and start applying this work in your own life, I invite you to explore coaching program and resources at https://www.covertnarcissism.com.

THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

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The Moment Connection Turns Into Correction: Covert Narcissism in Conversations

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 9 Apr 2026 21:00:00 +0000

In this episode, we explore a subtle but deeply damaging communication pattern often seen in covert narcissism—when connection turns into correction. What starts as a normal, everyday conversation can quickly shift into scrutiny, where your words are picked apart, your intent is questioned, and the heart of what you’re trying to say gets lost.

This pattern, often experienced as constantly being corrected, can leave you feeling unheard, emotionally drained, and unsure of yourself. Over time, it erodes your confidence and makes even simple interactions feel like something you have to “get right.”

We’ll walk through real-life examples of guard dogging in conversations, how this shows up in daily life—not just in serious discussions—and why it’s so damaging, especially in parenting. You’ll also begin to understand how this dynamic trains you to second-guess yourself and disconnect from your own voice.

If you’ve ever felt like every conversation turns into a debate, or that you’re constantly being analyzed instead of understood, this episode will help you make sense of what you’ve been experiencing.

Visit www.covertnarcissism.com for additional resources.

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Codependency, Trauma, and Why Boundaries Change Everything: Barb Nangle (Part 1)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Tue, 7 Apr 2026 22:30:00 +0000

If you struggle with codependency, covert narcissism, or feeling stuck in one-sided relationships, this episode will help you understand why.

If you’ve ever felt like your value came from taking care of everyone else—even when it was costing you your peace, your energy, and your sense of self—this conversation is going to feel very familiar.

In this special bonus episode, I’m sharing a powerful conversation from the podcast Sh!t That Goes On In Our Heads with hosts G-Rex and Dirty Skittles. Together, we explore codependency trauma, boundary-setting, and how covert narcissistic relationship patterns keep you stuck in cycles of over-giving and self-abandonment.

If you’ve been:

Recognizing the signs of covert narcissistic abuse but still feel stuck
Struggling to set boundaries without guilt or fear
Giving more and more while feeling less seen and valued

This episode will help you connect the dots between codependency, trauma, and covert narcissism—and why understanding alone isn’t enough to create change.

In this episode, we discuss:

How trauma creates codependent patterns
Why boundaries feel so difficult in covert narcissistic relationships
The emotional toll of over-functioning and people-pleasing
What it looks like to begin choosing yourself

If you’ve been listening, learning, and recognizing the patterns but still feel stuck, this may be the moment you realize—you’re not meant to do this part alone.

Visit www.covertnarcissism.com for additional resources.

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The Vampire Effect Part 2: Why You Feel Dead Inside (Covert Narcissistic Abuse)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 5 Apr 2026 18:00:00 +0000

What if leaving the relationship doesn’t mean you’re free? In this episode, we continue The Vampire Effect series and explore what happens after prolonged exposure to covert narcissistic abuse—when you feel numb, disconnected, and like something inside of you has changed. Many survivors describe feeling “dead inside,” questioning who they are, and wondering if they’ve lost themselves completely.

Using the powerful metaphor of Dracula, we break down the concept of becoming “undead”—not fully yourself, but not gone either—and why this emotional numbness is not a sign that something is wrong with you, but a sign that your mind and body have been trying to protect you. We also dive into the unsettling reality of how the narcissist’s voice can continue to live inside your thoughts, shaping your perceptions long after the relationship shifts or even ends.

If you’ve ever questioned your reactions, felt disconnected from yourself, or wondered why you can’t just “move on,” this episode will help you understand what’s really happening beneath the surface—and why healing is not about fixing yourself, but about reclaiming what was never truly lost.

Visit www.covertnarcissism.com for additional resources.

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The Vampire Effect: How Covert Narcissists Slowly Drain You

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 2 Apr 2026 21:00:00 +0000

What if covert narcissistic abuse doesn’t feel like an attack… but like a slow drain?

In this episode, we explore The Vampire Effect—a powerful metaphor that reveals how covert narcissists gradually consume your energy, clarity, and sense of self without you even realizing it. Through the lens of Dracula, you’ll begin to see how manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional exhaustion create a dynamic where you become weaker while they appear stronger.

We’ll break down the subtle ways this happens, why you may have felt confused or “sick” instead of recognizing the abuse, and how these relationships can feel like a labyrinth you were never meant to escape.

If you’ve ever wondered why you felt drained, lost, or unable to leave… this episode will help you understand why—and begin to take your power back. Visit www.covertnarcissism.com for additional resources.

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The War Inside You: Why You Still Miss Them After Covert Narcissistic Abuse (IFS Explained)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 29 Mar 2026 18:00:00 +0000

Why do you still miss someone who hurt you? If you’ve experienced covert narcissistic abuse, this question can feel confusing, frustrating, and even shameful. You can see the manipulation, the gaslighting, and the emotional abuse clearly—so why does part of you still feel pulled back?

In this episode, we explore why healing from covert narcissistic abuse feels so confusing and what’s actually happening inside of you. Using the Internal Family Systems (IFS) framework, you’ll learn how different “parts” of you—like the ones that miss them, doubt yourself, or crave relief—are not a sign that something is wrong, but a form of internal communication.

I’ll walk you step-by-step through the 6 F’s of IFS (Find, Focus, Flesh, Feel, Befriend, Fear) so you can begin to understand your internal world with more clarity, compassion, and confidence.

If you’ve ever thought:

“Why do I still miss them?”
“Why do I feel pulled back even though I know the truth?”
“Why is healing from narcissistic abuse so confusing?”

This episode will help you make sense of the war inside you—and begin to find peace. Visit www.covertnarcissism.com for more resources.

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

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Covert Narcissistic Abuse: How to Move Forward Without Rushing Your Decision

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 26 Mar 2026 21:00:00 +0000

If you’re trying to heal from covert narcissistic abuse but feel unsure about your next step, this episode will meet you where you are. In part 2 of this CNG Community Chat, we explore what it looks like to move forward without rushing a life-changing decision.

This conversation dives into the deeper layers of recovery, including guilt, responsibility, and the impact on children. We also talk about the reality of co-parenting or parallel parenting with a covert narcissist, and why healing often begins long before someone leaves the relationship.

You’ll hear honest reflections on learning to trust yourself again, letting go of pressure from others, and taking one step at a time toward clarity and peace.

If you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure whether to stay or leave, this episode will remind you that you are allowed to move at your own pace—and that pausing can be a powerful part of healing. Visit www.covertnarcissism.com for additional resources.

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

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The War Inside You: Why Part of You Still Misses Them (Covert Narcissistic Abuse)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 22 Mar 2026 18:00:00 +0000

Why do you still miss them… even after everything you’ve been through?

If you’ve experienced covert narcissistic abuse, you may find yourself stuck in an internal battle—one part of you sees the truth clearly, while another part still longs for connection, hope, or what you thought the relationship was. This emotional conflict can feel confusing, frustrating, and even shameful.

In this episode, we explore why that inner war exists and how understanding your internal system can bring clarity and relief. Using the framework of Internal Family Systems (IFS), you’ll learn how different “parts” of you—managers, firefighters, and wounded exiles—work together to protect you from emotional pain, even when their strategies no longer serve you.

This episode will help you stop asking “What’s wrong with me?” and start understanding what’s happening inside you. If you’ve ever struggled with letting go, second-guessing yourself, or feeling pulled in two directions after a toxic relationship, this conversation will give you a new way to make sense of it all.

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Covert Narcissism: You’re Allowed to Pause Before Deciding to Stay or Leave

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 19 Mar 2026 21:00:00 +0000

If you’re in a relationship that feels confusing, overwhelming, or emotionally draining, you may be wondering if you’re dealing with covert narcissism—and whether you should stay or leave. In this part one of the CNG Community Chat, we explore why that decision can feel so difficult and why you don’t have to rush it.

Through a real community conversation, we talk about the emotional toll of covert narcissistic abuse, including self-doubt, guilt, fear, and the pressure to figure everything out right away. You’ll hear honest stories from women at different stages of this journey—some still in the relationship, others navigating life after leaving—and how they are learning to reclaim clarity and peace.

If you feel stuck in a relationship, questioning your reality, or unsure of your next step, this episode will help you understand why pausing is not weakness—it’s a powerful part of healing. Visit www.covertnarcissism.com for additional resources.

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5 Questions to Ask Yourself When Covert Narcissism Might Be in the Room

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 15 Mar 2026 18:00:00 +0000

Last week’s episode explored why covert narcissism appears to be thriving in today’s culture and the conditions that allow these behaviors to remain hidden. In this follow-up episode, we bring the conversation closer to everyday life.

If covert narcissistic dynamics can hide so easily in our culture, how do you begin recognizing them in your own interactions?

In this episode, Renee Swanson shares five questions you can quietly ask yourself when something feels confusing or off in a relationship. These patterns are often discussed in romantic partnerships, but they can also appear with friends, coworkers, and family members.

Rather than focusing on diagnosing someone else, these questions help you pay attention to your own experience — how conversations unfold, how you feel afterward, and whether your voice and needs are being respected.

If you often leave interactions feeling confused, guilty, or like something didn’t quite add up, this episode may help you begin seeing those dynamics more clearly. You may recognize one of these patterns sooner than you expect.

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The Invisible Rulebook: The Strange Rules Covert Narcissists Expect You to Follow

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 12 Mar 2026 21:00:00 +0000

In relationships with a covert narcissist, control doesn’t always appear as obvious demands. Instead, it often shows up through a confusing set of small, unwritten "rules" that quietly shape everyday life. The problems come not from preferences. We all have preferences. But with a covert narcissist, these are rules with punishments.

In this episode, Renee shares real responses from her CNG Facebook community about the strangest and most confusing rules they were expected to follow while living with covert narcissistic dynamics. Rules about lights, groceries, TV remotes, bedtime, friendships, and even which gas station or soda was allowed in the house.

Individually these rules may seem small, but together they create a system of control that forces one person to constantly adjust, anticipate reactions, and second-guess themselves. If you’ve ever felt like you were always breaking rules you didn’t know existed, this episode may bring clarity to your experience.

If you are navigating this nightmare, coaching with someone who "gets" it can make all the difference in the world! Join me at https://www.covertnarcissism.com/coaching-program

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Why Covert Narcissism Is Thriving in Today’s Culture: 5 Conditions That Allow It to Hide

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 8 Mar 2026 18:00:00 +0000

Is narcissism actually increasing, or are we simply becoming more aware of it? The truth is that narcissistic traits have always existed throughout history. What changes over time is the environment those traits grow in.

In this episode, we explore why covert narcissism seems to be thriving in today’s culture and why these behaviors can be so difficult to recognize. Unlike overt narcissism, which is loud and obvious, covert narcissism often hides behind kindness, sensitivity, and a carefully managed image.

You’ll learn how certain cultural conditions make it easier for these patterns to remain hidden in relationships, families, workplaces, and communities.

In this episode, Renee explores five cultural conditions that allow covert narcissistic dynamics to thrive, including:

• A culture that prioritizes image over integrity
• Impression management replacing self-reflection
• Victimhood becoming social protection
• Emotional language used without accountability
• A growing intolerance for emotional discomfort

Understanding these patterns can help you make sense of confusing interactions and recognize when empathy is genuine—and when it may simply be a performance.

If you’ve ever felt like someone in your life appears kind and supportive to others but leaves you feeling confused, blamed, or emotionally drained, this episode will help bring clarity to those experiences.

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Recognizing Covert Narcissism: From Self-Blame to Clarity (Part 2)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 5 Mar 2026 22:00:00 +0000

In Part 2 of this community chat, we move from confusion to clarity.

After years—sometimes decades—of minimizing behavior and blaming themselves, these women share what finally shifted. What happens when you stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?” and start asking, “What’s really happening here?”

We talk about:

The slow accumulation that leads to clarity
Questioning their behavior instead of your own
Rebuilding self-trust after covert narcissistic abuse
The emotional toll of living in self-blame
Why it’s never too late to choose peace

If you’ve been walking on eggshells, second-guessing yourself, or feeling like two different versions of who you are, this episode will help you understand why recognizing covert narcissism takes time — and why clarity changes everything.

Your story matters, and you deserve to be heard without judgment. If you’re ready to take the next step toward healing, check out my coaching services at www.covertnarcissism.com. Don’t forget to subscribe for more empowering episodes like this one.

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Covert Narcissism and Children: Signs the Kids Are Hurting

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 1 Mar 2026 19:00:00 +0000

If you are living with covert narcissism in your marriage and starting to notice changes in your children — depression, anxiety, slipping grades, withdrawal, golden child or scapegoat dynamics — this episode is for you.

In this episode, we explore how covert narcissism affects children, including the subtle but powerful ways kids adapt to emotional unpredictability inside the home. When one child becomes the high-achieving “golden child,” another absorbs blame as the “scapegoat,” and another disappears into isolation, these are not random personality traits. They are survival responses.

We’ll talk about:

Signs your child may be impacted by covert narcissistic abuse
Situational depression in teens and what it may be signaling
How trauma bonding can affect children
Why kids organize themselves around a volatile parent
The long-term effects of growing up in emotional instability
Practical, age-appropriate ways to talk to your children about what they’re feeling

If you’ve been asking yourself, “Should I stay for the kids?” this episode gently challenges that question and invites you to consider the emotional cost of chronic tension in the home.

You don’t need dramatic proof to take your child’s emotional well-being seriously. When the kids start hurting, it changes everything. This episode will help you recognize the signs and give you practical tools to begin supporting your children in healthy, grounded ways.

Your story matters, and you deserve to be heard without judgment. If you’re ready to take the next step toward healing, check out my coaching services at [your website]. And don’t forget to subscribe for more empowering episodes like this one.

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Covert Narcissism Community Chat: Why Was It So Hard to Call This Abuse? Part One

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 26 Feb 2026 22:00:00 +0000

Why is it so difficult to recognize covert narcissistic abuse when you’re living inside it?

In Part 1 of this community chat, Olivia, Cindy, and Shannon share why they couldn’t call their relationships abusive for years—even decades. When emotional abuse is subtle, mixed with good moments, public charm, and messages like “marriage is just hard,” the confusion runs deep.

We talk about:

Growing up with normalized dysfunction
Calling it “communication problems” instead of abuse
Faith, loyalty, and trying harder to be a “good wife”
Intermittent reinforcement and hope resetting the pain
Minimizing red flags—including physical aggression

If you’ve ever wondered, “Is it really abuse, or am I overreacting?” this episode will help you understand why naming it feels so hard.

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Covert Narcissism and the Nervous System: Why You Feel So Reactive

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 22 Feb 2026 19:00:00 +0000

If you feel “too emotional,” hypersensitive, or unstable in your relationship, this episode will help you understand what is really happening. Today we are exploring covert narcissism and the nervous system — and why what looks like emotional reactivity is often a biological response to unpredictability, invalidation, and emotional disconnection.

In covert narcissistic dynamics, you are often labeled as the reactive one. The dramatic one. The one who can’t let things go. Meanwhile, your partner appears calm, detached, or ready to move on as if nothing happened. Over time, you begin to question yourself. Am I the problem? Am I unstable? Am I the narcissist?

In this episode, we break down what is happening in your brain and body during these moments. We discuss attachment threat, amygdala activation, prefrontal cortex shutdown, and polyvagal theory in simple terms. You will learn why unpredictability keeps your nervous system on high alert and why you cannot “heal your reactivity” in an environment that continues to feel unsafe.

We also explore the honest question: maybe you are reactive. Maybe some of your wiring comes from childhood. But nervous systems heal in safe environments. If your partner does not provide consistency, repair, and co-regulation, your body will continue to respond accordingly.

This episode will help you shift from shame to understanding. Your nervous system is not your enemy. It may be responding exactly as it was designed to respond.

If you are living with a covert narcissist, questioning your emotional stability, or wondering why you feel so activated in your relationship, this episode will give you clarity and direction.

Your body is not broken. It has been trying to protect you.

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Covert Narcissism Q&A: Clarity, Boundaries & Radical Acceptance (Part 2)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 19 Feb 2026 22:00:00 +0000

In Part 2 of this Q&A pulled directly from the Covert Narcissism Group Facebook page, we continue answering the real, unfiltered questions so many of you are quietly carrying.

Why does couples therapy sometimes make things worse? Why won’t they answer even the simplest questions directly? How do you rebuild self-trust after years of gaslighting? And what does radical acceptance actually look like when you’re still untangling fantasy from reality?

This episode moves from confusion into clarity. We talk about circular conversations, accountability versus performance, rebuilding your inner voice, protecting your peace, and why healing isn’t about certainty — it’s about grounding yourself in what is true.

If you’ve been stuck in the fog of covert narcissism — questioning your memory, your instincts, or your decisions — this conversation will help you see the patterns more clearly and reclaim your footing.

You don’t need to have everything resolved. You just need enough clarity to take your next steady step.

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Gaslighting Without the Drama: The Subtle Reality

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 15 Feb 2026 19:00:00 +0000

In this episode, we break down what subtle gaslighting looks like in covert narcissistic relationships and why it’s so hard to recognize. You’ll learn how emotional manipulation can sound calm, reasonable, and even compassionate—while quietly eroding your self-trust.

Not all gaslighting is loud. Sometimes it’s delivered gently. Sometimes it contains just enough truth to make you hesitate. Instead of “That never happened,” it’s “That’s not exactly how it happened.” Instead of “You’re crazy,” it’s “You know you can be a bit sensitive sometimes.” And over time, those small reframes begin to destabilize your confidence in your own memory and perception.

We’ll explore real-life examples of subtle emotional abuse, including half-truths, tone shifts, memory rewrites, and caring-sounding responses that leave you comforting the very person who dismissed your experience. If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling confused, guilty, or unsure of yourself—even though nothing dramatic happened—this episode will help you understand why.

You’ll also learn practical ways to rebuild self-trust, anchor yourself when subtle gaslighting happens, and reclaim your internal authority without needing to prove your reality to someone else.

If you’ve been asking yourself, “Is this really gaslighting?” or “Why do I feel so confused when nothing big happened?”—this episode is for you.

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Covert Narcissism Q&A: The Questions You’re Afraid to Ask (Part 1)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 12 Feb 2026 22:00:00 +0000

In this special Q&A episode pulled directly from the Covert Narcissism Group Facebook page, I’m answering some of the most honest — and often unspoken — questions about living with and healing from covert narcissistic dynamics.

Why do conversations go in circles? Why does couples therapy sometimes make things worse? Why can they be so charming one moment and so hurtful the next? And how do you protect your clarity when you feel like you’re constantly doubting yourself?

If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re overreacting, communicating poorly, or somehow “doing it wrong,” this episode will help you understand what’s actually happening beneath the surface.

We talk about cognitive dissonance, circular conversations, accountability vs. performance, protecting vulnerable children without badmouthing a parent, and why asking questions is often the first act of self-trust.

You don’t need all the answers yet. You’re not behind. And you’re not the only one asking these questions.

Part 2 continues the conversation next week.

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The Loneliness of Covert Narcissism: Why You Feel Invisible Even When You’re Not Alone

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 8 Feb 2026 19:00:00 +0000

If you feel lonely even when you’re not alone, this episode will help you understand why. In The Loneliness of Covert Narcissism: Why You Feel Invisible Even When You’re Not Alone, we explore emotional invisibility, the quiet isolation that happens in covert narcissistic relationships, and why being truly seen can feel so rare—and so deeply relieving.

Many survivors describe the loneliest place as sitting beside their partner, realizing they are not truly known. In this episode, we talk about why your words may have never landed, why small moments—like circular arguments, silent treatments, or everyday interactions—can leave you questioning your reality, and why hearing someone else say “I thought I was the only one” can bring such powerful relief. This is a reassurance-focused episode designed to help you feel seen, understood, and grounded in the truth that your need for connection is normal and human.

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The Exhaustion of Always Being the One Who Tries With a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 5 Feb 2026 22:00:00 +0000

Today’s episode is about covert narcissism and the deep exhaustion that comes from always being the one who tries in the relationship.

If you’re living with or recovering from a covert narcissist, you may recognize this immediately: you’re the one who explains, softens, repairs, revisits conversations, manages emotions, and keeps hoping that if you say it just right, things will finally change. Instead, you end up emotionally depleted, confused, and wondering why nothing ever sticks.

In this community chat, I’m joined by Laura and Jay, who share what it’s like to live inside this dynamic—where effort is constant, responsibility is one-sided, and the emotional labor never ends. We talk about how this pattern develops, why it’s so hard to stop trying, and how many survivors reach a moment of clarity when they realize this isn’t normal relationship struggle—it’s covert narcissistic abuse.

If you feel worn down from over-explaining, over-accommodating, and carrying the emotional weight of the relationship alone, this episode will help you put words to what you’re experiencing.

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Covert Narcissism and Self-Blame: Why You Always Feel Like You’re the Problem

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 1 Feb 2026 19:00:00 +0000

Today, we unpack how covert narcissistic dynamics quietly train thoughtful, self-reflective people to carry blame that was never theirs.

In this episode, we explore how normal, everyday questions—like asking about errands, timing, or work logistics—can somehow turn into tension, shutdowns, or accusations. Over time, those repeated interactions begin to reshape your inner dialogue, leaving you questioning your tone, your intent, and eventually your worth.

We’ll look at why self-reflective people are especially vulnerable to internalizing blame, how manipulatively tense environments distort your sense of what’s “normal,” and why taking responsibility often becomes a way to survive rather than a sign of actual fault. We’ll also name an uncomfortable truth: when you absorb blame, you become the pressure release valve for someone else’s unresolved tension—and while that may bring them relief, it comes at a real cost to you.

This is a signature episode designed to help you interrupt the reflexive thought “I am the problem,” reclaim your internal compass, and begin placing responsibility where it actually belongs.

If you’ve been feeling confused, ashamed, or perpetually “in trouble” around the same person, this conversation will help you see why—and remind you that self-reflection is a strength that deserves boundaries, not punishment.

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The Reality of Covert Narcissism Within a 42-Year Marriage

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 29 Jan 2026 22:00:00 +0000

What does covert narcissistic abuse look like when it unfolds slowly over decades—without obvious explosions, without outsiders seeing the damage?

In this episode, Renee speaks with Shari, who shares her lived experience of spending 42 years in a marriage that gradually became confusing, destabilizing, and emotionally exhausting. Shari reflects on the subtle but devastating dynamics of covert narcissism, including triangulation, passive aggression, emotional coldness, cognitive dissonance, and the profound impact these patterns had on her nervous system and sense of self.

This conversation explores what happens when the person you thought you knew reveals a different reality—and how deeply disorienting it can be to reconcile the marriage you believed you had with the truth you eventually see. Shari also speaks honestly about grief, anger, self-blame, and the moment she realized she had to choose herself in order to survive.

Most importantly, this episode offers hope. Shari shares what healing looks like later in life, how self-care is not selfish, and why it is never too late to reclaim peace, autonomy, and a sense of wholeness.

If you’ve ever questioned your reality, felt invisible in a long-term relationship, or wondered if it’s too late to start over—this episode is for you.

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Covert Narcissism and Over-Explaining: Why Pausing Brings Relief

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 25 Jan 2026 19:00:00 +0000

Many survivors of covert narcissistic abuse feel calmer the moment they stop explaining themselves. In this episode, we explore why over-explaining becomes a survival response, how hypervigilance and emotional exhaustion keep the nervous system on high alert, and why pausing brings real relief.

For many people, explaining didn’t come from insecurity—it came from learning that safety depended on being understood. Over time, this pattern trains the body to stay in fight-or-flight, constantly preparing to defend, clarify, or soften. Renee shares a personal “popcorn moment,” a rare instance of staying calm while reactive behavior unfolded, and how stepping back made it possible to observe patterns clearly without taking them personally.

This is not an episode about making decisions, setting boundaries, or taking action. It’s about permission. Permission to pause. Permission to stop explaining, fixing, or defending. And permission to let your nervous system settle before asking yourself what comes next.

If clarity has left you feeling tired instead of empowered, this episode offers relief—not urgency—and reinforces that pausing is not avoidance. It is regulation.

DISCLAIMER:
THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

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Covert Narcissism in Dating: Jacquie Roar Shares Her Story of Survival and Healing

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 22 Jan 2026 22:00:00 +0000

Dating someone with covert narcissistic traits rarely feels abusive at first. In fact, it often feels intoxicating—intense attention, deep emotional connection, and a sense of being chosen in a way you may never have experienced before. This episode explores why that intensity feels so powerful—and why it so often turns confusing, controlling, and unsafe.

In this deeply honest conversation, Jacquie Roar shares her personal story of navigating covert narcissism in a dating relationship. She talks openly about love bombing, emotional manipulation, isolation, and how her sense of self slowly eroded long before she had words for what was happening. Like many survivors, she believed the problem was something she could fix—if only she tried harder, loved better, or showed more understanding.

Together, we explore how covert narcissistic abuse impacts the nervous system, why leaving can feel harder than staying, and why the aftermath often includes depression, grief, and intense self-doubt rather than immediate relief. Jacquie also speaks about the moment that changed everything—when survival became more important than hope—and how healing required learning to accept healthy love after chaos.

This episode is for anyone who has ever questioned themselves after a relationship ended and wondered:

Why did it feel so good at first?
Why did I get smaller over time?
Why did peace feel unfamiliar after I left?

You are not weak. You were responding to a dynamic designed to confuse, bond, and control. This conversation offers clarity, validation, and hope—without pressure, judgment, or diagnosis.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Guest Introduction
02:56 Jacquie's Background and Music Career
04:39 Understanding Narcissism and Red Flags
10:07 Recognizing Emotional Abuse
17:22 Self-Care and Healing Journey
25:31 Finding Her Voice Through Music
29:16 The Turning Point and Empowerment
32:44 Final Thoughts and Messages for the Audience

DISCLAIMER:
THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert Narcissistic Dynamics: Is This Normal Marriage Struggles or More Than That?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 18 Jan 2026 19:00:00 +0000

This episode explores how to tell the difference between normal marriage struggles and covert narcissistic dynamics. We focus on the subtle patterns that create confusion, self-doubt, and the fear that you might be overreacting or expecting too much.

Many people living inside covert narcissistic dynamics aren’t dealing with constant conflict or obvious cruelty. Instead, they’re navigating moments that almost feel normal—disagreements that never resolve, conversations that leave them questioning their memory, and attempts at grace that are never returned. Over time, that confusion becomes exhausting.

In this episode, we walk through real-life examples of healthy conflict versus covert control, paying close attention to what happens when you offer softness, uncertainty, or benefit of the doubt. We talk about why mutual grace is a defining feature of healthy relationships—and what it means when that grace only flows in one direction.

This conversation isn’t about labeling your partner or diagnosing a relationship. It’s about giving you language for what you feel, helping you notice patterns without self-blame, and restoring trust in your own internal signals. If you’ve ever wondered, “Is this just marriage—or is something else happening here?” this episode is designed to help you find clarity without pressure.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Covert Narcissism
02:13 Understanding Healthy Relationship Dynamics
06:09 The Impact of One-Sided Grace
10:02 The Illusion of Flexibility in Covert Dynamics
13:47 Observing Relationship Patterns
17:05 Next Steps in Understanding Your Relationships

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Covert Narcissism Community Chat: Why I Still Question Myself — Even Now

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 15 Jan 2026 22:00:00 +0000

If you understand covert narcissism intellectually—but still find yourself questioning your memory, your reactions, or your decisions—you’re not alone.

In this episode, you’ll hear the very first Covert Narcissism Community Chat: a small, guided conversation with participants who are just like you. These are not clinicians or experts. They are listeners who have consumed the information, done the research, and are living—at different stages—inside the aftermath of covert narcissistic abuse. For privacy and safety, real names are not used.

Together, we explore why self-doubt can persist even after awareness: • Why clarity doesn’t always stick
• How gaslighting and reality distortion become internalized
• Why you can “know” something and still question yourself
• How self-doubt shows up whether you’re still in it, newly out, or years down the road

This conversation isn’t about fixing or diagnosing. It’s about naming what so many survivors carry quietly—and hearing, in real time, that you’re not alone.

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why do I still question myself—even now?”
This episode is for you.

Interested in participating in a future Community Chat?
These small, guided conversations continue and focus on specific experiences survivors often carry alone. Information about upcoming topics—including The Exhaustion of Always Being the One Who Tries—can be found at https://www.covertnarcissism.com/community-chats

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Setup
04:56 Purpose of the Community Chat
08:01 Understanding Self-Doubt After Narcissistic Abuse
09:36 Personal Experiences with Self-Doubt
18:13 Navigating Relationships Post-Abuse
25:11 The Impact of Self-Doubt on Decision Making
34:16 Surprises on the Healing Journey

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Covert Narcissistic Abuse: Why Nothing Changes No Matter How Hard You Try

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 11 Jan 2026 19:00:00 +0000

In this episode, Renee Swanson talks about the painful reality many survivors face after awareness begins: why nothing improves—even when you communicate better, regulate your emotions, go to therapy, and genuinely try to repair the relationship. This conversation is not about blaming yourself, diagnosing a partner, or pushing you toward a decision. It’s about understanding why effort alone doesn’t lead to change in covert narcissistic dynamics—and why that realization can feel both devastating and relieving at the same time.

We’ll explore the difference between healthy conflict and covert narcissistic dynamics, specifically how attempts at repair are often met with deflection, defensiveness, silence, or emotional punishment rather than accountability and follow-through. We’ll talk about the healthy relationship tools you’ve likely been using—clear communication, emotional regulation, self-reflection, better timing—and why those tools only work when both people are oriented toward repair.

Chapters

00:00 Understanding the Struggle in Relationships
02:52 The Ineffectiveness of Healthy Relationship Tools
05:41 The Pain of Repair Attempts
08:12 The Cycle of Blame and Responsibility
10:41 The Impact of Covert Narcissism on Self-Perception
13:15 Awakening to the Reality of the Relationship
15:42 Finding Clarity and Self-Awareness
16:24 Next Steps in the Healing Journey

DISCLAIMER:
THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

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Smear Campaigns and the Loss of Family, Friends, and Safety with Eleanor Marks

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 8 Jan 2026 22:00:00 +0000

Smear campaigns don’t just distort the truth—they dismantle trust, fracture relationships, and leave survivors questioning where it’s safe to stand.

In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, Renee Swanson is joined by high-conflict divorce coach Eleanor Marks for an honest conversation about what smear campaigns really look like during and after divorce with a covert narcissist.

Together, they explore:

How smear campaigns unfold quietly and convincingly
Why family and long-term friends sometimes believe the lies
The grief of losing relationships you never expected to lose
Why defending yourself often backfires
How to reclaim your sense of safety without proving anything

This conversation isn’t about reacting, explaining, or correcting the narrative. It’s about understanding the pattern, protecting your energy, and learning how to move forward when others choose not to see the truth.

If you are currently divorcing a covert narcissist—or preparing to—a new coaching session focused specifically on navigating divorce with a covert narcissist is beginning next week. You can learn more and join now at www.covertnarcissism.com/divorce

You are not overreacting. You are not imagining the loss. You don’t have to navigate this alone.

Chapters

00:00 Navigating Life After Narcissism
03:26 Understanding Smear Campaigns
05:55 The Impact of Family Dynamics
08:55 Redefining Relationships and Trust
11:39 Healing and Moving Forward
15:51 Living Your Truth
16:42 Building a Supportive Community

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Navigating the Confusion of Covert Narcissism: What Is Actually Wrong in My Marriage?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 4 Jan 2026 19:00:00 +0000

If you feel confused, unsettled, or unable to name what’s wrong in your marriage—even though nothing sounds “bad enough”—this episode is for you.

Many people living in covertly unhealthy dynamics don’t experience constant conflict or obvious explosions. Instead, they live inside a fog of mixed signals, emotional reversals, and conversations that never seem to stay where they start. This episode is designed to ground you in reality without labeling or pressure, and to help you understand the difference between normal marital conflict and patterns that quietly erode clarity over time.

In this kickoff episode, we explore:

Why confusion is often the first signal that something isn’t right
How everyday interactions can leave you feeling disoriented, tense, or questioning yourself
The difference between conflict that resolves and conflict that never truly ends
Why trying harder doesn’t bring relief when the problem isn’t communication
How your nervous system responds when emotional safety is inconsistent

This episode is not about diagnosing your partner or telling you what to do. It’s about orientation—slowing things down enough to understand why your experience hasn’t made sense, and why that confusion matters.

This is the beginning of a guided journey through the confusing world of covert narcissism—one that organizes overwhelming information into something steady, digestible, and grounded in lived experience. Whether you’re just starting to sense that something is off, or you’ve been learning about this for years, this space is for you.

In the next episode, we’ll explore why this can feel so unfixable even when you’re still doing everything you can—and why that doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

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Covert Narcissism Recovery: Starting the New Year Without Pressure

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 1 Jan 2026 22:00:00 +0000

Healing from covert narcissistic abuse doesn’t follow a calendar—and January doesn’t require clarity, decisions, or resolutions.

If you’re entering the new year feeling foggy, heavy, or unsure, this episode is for you. Instead of pushing urgency, motivation, or “fresh starts,” this conversation offers something survivors of covert narcissism actually need: orientation, safety, and permission to go slowly.

In this New Year’s Day episode, we explore why January can feel more like an aftermath than a beginning, especially if you’re still in the relationship, newly out, or years removed but still impacted. We talk about what covert narcissistic abuse does to your nervous system, why information alone isn’t enough, and how healing often shows up quietly—not dramatically.

This episode also introduces how the podcast will function as a guided path this year, with grounding Sunday episodes and more connective Thursday conversations, including community chats.

In this episode, we cover:

Why January pressure can be harmful for survivors
How covert narcissism disrupts self-trust and internal orientation
Why healing doesn’t require decisions or urgency
Signs of healing that are often overlooked
What to expect from the podcast moving forward
How community and shared language support recovery

You are not behind. You are not doing this wrong. And you don’t have to decide anything yet.

Chapters:

00:00 Grounding and Introduction
00:46 Navigating New Year Pressures
01:35 Surviving the Holiday Season
03:49 Processing Emotional Aftermath
06:11 Understanding Trauma and Healing
07:01 Introducing the Guided Journey
10:31 Permissions for Healing
11:54 Podcast Structure and Expectations
13:35 Community Connection and Support

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Holidays With a Covert Narcissist: When Survival Replaces Celebration

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 28 Dec 2025 19:00:00 +0000

In this episode, Renee Swanson discusses the challenges of navigating holidays with a covert narcissist, emphasizing the emotional toll it takes on family members. She explores the concept of survival in these relationships, the importance of self-care, and encourages listeners to shift from merely surviving to thriving in their lives. The conversation highlights the need for awareness and understanding of emotional manipulation, and the significance of prioritizing one's own well-being.

Takeaways:

The holidays with a covert narcissist feel like survival, not joy.
Emotional preparation is necessary for family gatherings.
The cost of not trying to manage the environment is too high.
Self-care is essential and not selfish.
Surviving the holidays does not equate to feeling fulfilled.
Emotional containment is an invisible burden.
A calm holiday does not mean peace in the heart.
Self-care allows for better relationships with others.
Guilt often stems from external blame, not personal failure.
Moving from survival to thriving is a vital journey.

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Covert Narcissist: The Grinch Who Steals It All

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 25 Dec 2025 22:00:00 +0000

In this Christmas-themed episode, Renee Swanson explores the impact of covert narcissism on personal relationships, particularly during the holiday season. Using the metaphor of the Grinch, she discusses how covert narcissists can subtly steal joy, anticipation, and traditions, leaving individuals feeling hollow and anxious. However, she emphasizes the importance of community and reclaiming one's truth, integrity, and peace, encouraging listeners to recognize their strength and the joy that can still exist despite past trauma.

Takeaways:

Humor grounded in truth can be healing.
Covert narcissists often appear friendly but drain joy.
They steal emotional peace rather than physical items.
Anticipation for joyful events can turn into dread.
Community support is crucial for healing.
Your truth and integrity remain intact despite abuse.
Healing is a personal journey that can be complicated.
Recognizing patterns of abuse brings clarity.
Peace belongs to the present, not the past.
Christmas can be redefined on your own terms.

Chapters:

00:00 A Different Kind of Christmas
00:54 Understanding the Covert Narcissist
02:39 The Grinch's Stealing Tactics
07:25 The Power of Community
11:16 Reclaiming Your Truth
12:41 Finding Peace and Joy

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Covert Narcissism in Marriage: The “Try Harder” Myth That Traps You

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 21 Dec 2025 19:00:00 +0000

Covert narcissism in marriage keeps survivors trapped by the belief that if they just tried harder, the relationship would finally improve.
If you’re exhausted from over-functioning, self-blame, and emotional gymnastics in a narcissistic marriage, this episode is for anyone questioning whether the problem was ever really you.

In this episode, we unpack one of the most damaging beliefs in narcissistic abuse: “If you leave, it’s because you didn’t try hard enough.” This myth quietly traps survivors of covert narcissism in marriage in endless self-audits—replaying conversations, shrinking needs, managing emotions, and proving effort—while the other person remains largely unchanged.

We explore why trying harder in an emotionally abusive relationship often means abandoning yourself more completely, not saving the marriage. We also talk about the toll this dynamic takes on your nervous system, including chronic stress, hypervigilance, jaw clenching, insomnia, digestive issues, and emotional exhaustion. Healing and emotional abuse recovery begin when you recognize that effort without empathy is not partnership—and leaving is not failure.

In this episode, we cover:

Why covert narcissism in marriage creates chronic self-blame
The “try harder” myth and how it keeps survivors stuck in narcissistic abuse
How emotional abuse leads to trauma responses like hypervigilance, tension, and fatigue
Why over-functioning doesn’t create safety or connection
Reframing leaving as self-preservation, not quitting

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Covert Narcissism Recovery: How You Know Healing Is Happening

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 18 Dec 2025 22:00:00 +0000

Covert narcissism recovery often shows up quietly—through internal safety, self-trust, and a nervous system that no longer lives on high alert.

Many survivors wonder how to tell whether they’re actually healing, especially when there’s no closure, no apology, and no clear “finish line.” This episode shifts the focus away from the covert narcissist and back to you—helping you understand the subtle but powerful signs that healing is taking root.

In this episode, we explore:

Why healing isn’t a milestone, but a shift in internal safety
How recovery continues even without closure or acknowledgment
What it means to feel safer inside your own body and mind
The connection between nervous system regulation and healing
How self-talk changes as recovery progresses
Why perfectionism fades as internal safety grows
How emotions stop feeling like emergencies and become information
Three simple check-ins to stay focused on your healing path: body, thoughts, and feelings

This episode is for anyone recovering from covert narcissistic abuse who wants reassurance, clarity, and grounded guidance on what healing actually looks like—without waiting for anyone else to change.

Chapters

00:00 Understanding Healing from Covert Narcissism
02:43 The Importance of Internal Safety
06:25 Recognizing Signs of Healing
09:39 Practicing Self-Compassion and Acceptance
12:54 Honoring Your Limits and Emotions
16:30 Distinguishing Healing from Numbness
17:52 Practical Steps for Healing

THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

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Covert Narcissism and Trauma: Why You and Your Kids Stop Talking

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 14 Dec 2025 19:00:00 +0000

Covert narcissism and trauma quietly teach adults and children that silence feels safer than honesty.

If you’ve noticed yourself going quiet, choosing your words carefully, or avoiding hard conversations altogether — or you’re watching your children withdraw, shut down, or stop sharing — this episode explains why that happens and what safety actually has to do with healing.

In this episode, we explore:

Why people stop talking in emotionally unsafe relationships
How covert narcissistic dynamics punish honesty without obvious aggression
The different types of safety required for healing (physical, emotional, psychological, and conversational)
How children learn when it is — and isn’t — safe to speak
Everyday examples of unsafe vs. safe responses in adult and parent-child conversations
Why silence is often a trauma response, not a lack of caring
What begins to change when safety is slowly restored

This episode is for anyone who has lived in the confusion of covert narcissism, emotional abuse, or chronic invalidation — and for parents who want to understand what helps their children feel safe enough to heal and speak again.

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The Physical Signs You Didn’t Know Were Trauma Responses, Part 2: How to Calm a Dysregulated Nervous System After Covert Narcissistic Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 11 Dec 2025 21:00:00 +0000

In Part 1, we uncovered the surprising physical symptoms of trauma that often go unnoticed — the jaw tension, the tinnitus, the eye twitching, the constant bracing your body learned to do in order to survive covert narcissistic abuse.

In Part 2, we continue that conversation by focusing on three symptoms that confuse survivors the most:

chest tightness — that “heart armor” feeling that makes it hard to breathe
digestive issues — nausea, bloating, IBS patterns, or a stomach that shuts down under stress
sleep disturbances — difficulty falling asleep, nighttime hyperarousal, and waking in panic

These symptoms are some of the most deeply misunderstood — and often dismissed by medical providers who see “normal” test results but don’t understand trauma physiology.

This episode breaks down why these symptoms happen, what your nervous system is trying to communicate through them, and how these reactions form in unsafe emotional environments.

We’ll also explore the deeper theme underlying it all:
Your body communicates through discomfort.
Just like hunger isn’t a malfunction, your trauma symptoms aren’t malfunctions either — they are messages.

Part 2 gives clarity, validation, and the beginning steps for understanding what your body has been trying to tell you for years.

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The Physical Signs You Didn’t Know Were Trauma Responses, Part 1: How Covert Narcissism Shows Up in Your Body

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 7 Dec 2025 19:00:00 +0000

When you live in the backwards, upside-down world of covert narcissistic abuse, your body often understands the danger long before your mind can name it. The symptoms you thought were “random,” “weird,” or “just stress” were actually your nervous system trying to protect you.

In this episode, we explore the physical signs you didn’t recognize as trauma responses — the jaw tension, the chest tightness, the digestive issues, the sleep disruptions, the ringing in your ears, and even that twitchy eyelid that sent you down a Google rabbit hole at 2 a.m.

You’ll hear why these symptoms appear, how covert narcissistic environments activate chronic fight-or-flight, and why your medical tests may have come back “normal” even though your body felt anything but normal.

And most importantly — you’ll learn that these symptoms are not defects. They are intelligent survival signals.
They are the truth your body carried for you.

This episode will validate your experience, deepen your understanding of the trauma response, and help you see your body not as the problem — but as your greatest ally.

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How to Talk to Your Adult Children About a Covert Narcissistic Parent Without Badmouthing

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 4 Dec 2025 22:00:00 +0000

Talking to your adult children about a covert narcissistic parent is one of the hardest and most emotionally loaded challenges survivors face. You’re carrying years of truth inside you — experiences that shaped your life, your self-concept, your safety, and in many cases, the childhood environment your kids grew up in. And yet, speaking that truth openly can feel dangerous. It can feel like badmouthing. It can feel like you’re putting your children in the middle. It can feel like you’re betraying them or burdening them.

But silence isn’t healing either.
And your children will eventually have questions — real, hard, vulnerable questions.

In this episode, we break down exactly how to navigate those conversations with honesty, clarity, and emotional integrity. You’ll learn how to talk about your lived experience without attacking their other parent, how to answer direct questions using grounded truth rather than character statements, and how to model the healthy communication and relational skills your children never got to see growing up.

We explore:

Why defending yourself often backfires — and what to do instead
How to focus on values rather than the other parent’s behavior
How to give your children the freedom to think for themselves
How to model emotional safety, regulation, accountability, and repair
What to say when they ask, “Why did you leave?” or “Did you fight a lot?”
How your healing teaches them more than your explanations ever will

This episode is filled with real stories, practical examples, and compassionate guidance for every parent walking the tightrope between truth and protection. If you feel misunderstood by your adult children, if you’ve been unfairly judged, or if you're afraid to say the wrong thing — this conversation will help you find your footing again.

Because you can talk to your children about what happened.
You can honor your truth without dishonoring theirs.
And you can be the safe, grounded parent they return to as they begin making sense of their own story.

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Fawning Is Not Codependency: Understanding the Difference When You’ve Lived With a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 30 Nov 2025 19:00:00 +0000

So many survivors walk into healing believing they were “codependent,” when the truth is far more compassionate and far more accurate:
What you were doing wasn’t codependency — it was fawning, a trauma response your nervous system used to keep you safe in an emotionally dangerous environment.

In this episode, we break down the difference between fawning and codependency in a way that finally makes sense for survivors of covert narcissistic abuse. We explore why these two patterns get confused, how fawning operates as a survival mechanism, and why labeling yourself “codependent” often adds unnecessary shame to an already painful experience.

You’ll hear real, relatable examples that show what these behaviors look like in everyday life: saying “it’s okay” when it isn’t, prioritizing someone else’s needs over your own, and walking on eggshells. We’ll explore each scenario from both angles — the trauma-driven fawn response and the learned relational pattern of codependency — so you can see exactly where the difference lies.

If you’ve ever blamed yourself for being “too accommodating,” “too forgiving,” or “too passive,” this episode will help you shift that lens. You were not weak. You were surviving.
And now, you get to learn a new way of being where safety no longer depends on self-abandonment.

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Thanksgiving Special: Healing from Covert Narcissistic Abuse Through Self-Gratitude

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 27 Nov 2025 22:00:00 +0000

This Thanksgiving episode is unlike any you’ve heard before.
Instead of forcing gratitude outward—toward family, toward traditions, toward circumstances that may feel complicated or painful—this episode brings gratitude back home. To you.

Survivors of covert narcissistic abuse often carry shame for the very responses that kept them alive. They question their anger, their confusion, their anxiety, their numbness—never realizing these were intelligent, protective signals from a system trying desperately to keep them safe.

Today, we slow down and offer tender gratitude to the parts of you that worked tirelessly on your behalf: your nervous system, your instincts, your emotions, your mind, your body, and the deep, quiet resilience that got you to this moment.

Through metaphors, reflection, and compassionate storytelling, we explore how emotional pain functions just like hunger pains: not as a flaw, but as communication. Your system wasn’t failing—it was calling out for you. And today, we thank it.

If you’ve ever struggled with self-judgment…
If you’ve ever wondered why you reacted the way you did…
If you want to feel more connected to yourself and soften the shame you’ve been carrying…

This episode will meet you with warmth, understanding, and a powerful reminder:

You were your own miracle. And you deserve gratitude, too.

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How Unsafe People Erase Your Reality And Safe People Restore It

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 23 Nov 2025 19:00:00 +0000

In Part 2 of this story, we pick up right where the alligator encounter left off — not with danger, but with the emotional aftershock that followed.

My body was still shaking, adrenaline pumping, breath unsteady. I paddled straight toward my friend in a heightened state: frightened, confused, and trying to make sense of whether I had truly just kayaked over a mama alligator… or whether I had imagined the whole thing.

And what happened next revealed something even more important than the alligator:
the difference between safe people and unsafe people.

A safe person — like my friend — meets your overwhelm with curiosity.
“What did you see?”
“How big was it?”
“Are you okay?”

Her calm voice, her steady presence, and her willingness to believe me allowed my nervous system to settle. That is co-regulation in action. That is emotional safety. That is what a healthy connection feels like.

But if I had been with my ex-husband that day, the story would’ve played out very differently.
My fear would’ve annoyed him.
My excitement would’ve irritated him.
My reality would’ve been talked over, corrected, or erased.

I would’ve been told it was just a log.
I would’ve doubted myself.
I would’ve minimized my experience.
And eventually, I would’ve convinced myself it never really happened.

That’s what unsafe people do: they erase your reality until you no longer trust yourself at all.

Today’s episode shines a light on the power of validation, the necessity of safe connection, the neuroscience behind co-regulation, and why survivors of covert narcissistic abuse learn to silence their own experiences. Because when someone finally believes you — truly believes you — it restores something deeper than the story.
It restores you.

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When Every Conversation Turns into Confusion: The Communication Breakdown of Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 20 Nov 2025 22:00:00 +0000

In a healthy relationship, conversations might be difficult at times—but they are possible. You can talk, clarify, repair, and understand each other. But when you’re living with a covert narcissist, communication slowly becomes a maze you can never find your way out of.

In this episode, I share how the most ordinary exchanges in my marriage became painful, confusing, and emotionally draining. It wasn’t yelling. It wasn’t name-calling. It wasn’t dramatic fights. It was the quiet erosion that happened in the everyday moments—the misunderstandings, the defensiveness, the blank stares, and the “What difference does it make?” responses that left me feeling small, silenced, and alone.

I take you inside what those conversations actually looked like, the internal conversations I had with myself, and how years of being unheard changed my sense of self. We’ll look at why covert narcissists misinterpret even the gentlest words, how they turn connection into conflict, and how survivors slowly lose their voice without even realizing it.

If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation thinking, How did we end up here? Why does nothing land right? Why do I feel more alone than before I spoke? — this episode was made for you.

You are not imagining the confusion. You are not “too sensitive.”
This is what communication looks like when someone listens through shame instead of empathy.

And most importantly—you can reclaim your voice.

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I Kayaked Over an Alligator And Finally Understood My Trauma Response

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 16 Nov 2025 19:00:00 +0000

In this episode, I’m taking you with me on a peaceful Florida river… right up to the moment my kayak bumped over what I thought was a floating log. Except it wasn’t a log. It was a massive mama alligator. But the most surprising part of the story isn’t the alligator. It’s what my brain did in the exact moment of danger.

Instead of panicking, screaming, or flipping into the water, my mind calmly told me, “Huh. I didn’t know alligators shed their skin like that.” This wasn’t denial. It wasn’t shock. It was dissociation — the brain’s built-in survival mechanism that protects you from overwhelming reality when you’re not safe enough to process it. This is exactly the same process that happens when you are dealing with covert narcissistic abuse.

In this episode, I break down:

Why your brain lies to you in life-threatening or emotionally threatening moments
How dissociation works inside the nervous system during fight-or-flight
Why my body reacted instantly but my mind couldn’t accept what I was seeing
How this exact same process happens in covert narcissistic abuse
Why survivors don’t “see the truth” until after they’re safe
How the brain comes back online once danger is over
What completing the stress cycle looks like in real healing

The alligator story is funny now — but what it reveals about trauma responses is powerful.
If you’ve ever wondered why you stayed, why you froze, or why you couldn’t see the abuse clearly until later, this episode will finally make sense of it. Your brain wasn’t failing you. It was saving you.

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Not All Covert Narcissists Look the Same

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 13 Nov 2025 22:00:00 +0000

Covert narcissism isn’t one-size-fits-all. Some manipulate through silence, others through guilt or tears. Some quote scripture, some play the victim, and some simply vanish into the quiet coldness that leaves you questioning your worth.

In this episode, Renee Swanson explores how covert narcissism exists on a spectrum—why it can look completely different from one relationship to the next, and even from one day to another. Through powerful examples and real-life stories, she unpacks why survivors so often doubt themselves when the patterns don’t “fit the checklist,” and how to finally recognize the truth beneath the confusion.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Maybe I’m overreacting because mine isn’t like that,” this episode will help you see that your pain is valid—and that covert narcissism wears many masks, but the core is always the same: control through confusion.

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The Inflatable Clown: Living with a Covert Narcissist Who Always Needs Air

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 9 Nov 2025 19:00:00 +0000

Ever feel like you’ve been living in a circus you didn’t sign up for?
In this episode, Renee Swanson uses humor to shine a light on the exhausting emotional reality of living with a covert narcissist — through the story of an inflatable clown and a bicycle pump.

You know the one: it’s dramatic, unstable, takes up too much space, and leaks air faster than you can fill it. Your job? Keep it pumped up. All. The. Time.

Through laughter and truth, Renee paints a vivid picture of what it’s like to constantly monitor someone else’s emotional pressure while slowly losing your own air. You’ll laugh, you’ll nod, and maybe — just maybe — you’ll finally give yourself permission to drop the pump and start breathing for yourself again.

Your story matters, and you deserve to be heard without judgment.
If you’re ready to take the next step toward healing, check out my coaching services at www.covertnarcissism.com
And don’t forget to subscribe for more empowering episodes like this one.

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Parental Alienation Explained: How Covert Narcissists Turn Children Against You

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 6 Nov 2025 21:00:00 +0000

What if your greatest fear as a parent has already come true?
You can feel it — your child pulling away, repeating phrases that don’t sound like them, looking at you through someone else’s eyes. This is the painful reality of parental alienation, one of the covert narcissist’s most devastating tools of control.

In this episode, Renee Swanson explains how covert narcissists quietly rewrite your child’s reality — turning love into confusion and connection into distance. You’ll learn the subtle tactics they use to alienate your child, why it works, and how to stay grounded when you feel powerless.

Through empathy, insight, and real-life understanding, Renee offers hope for parents living through this invisible heartbreak — and guidance for protecting your peace while keeping the light of love steady.

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The Hidden Weight of Resentment in Covert Narcissistic Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 2 Nov 2025 18:00:00 +0000

Resentment is one of the hardest emotions to face after covert narcissistic abuse—because it shows up long before you even realize what’s happening. You start resenting them for the confusion, then resenting yourself for pulling away. But what if resentment isn’t bitterness at all? What if it’s your system’s way of saying, “I’ve had enough.”

In this episode, Renee Swanson breaks down why resentment builds in these relationships, how it’s tied to self-protection, and how to work through it without turning it inward. You’ll learn how to honor your anger, separate it from shame, and use it as a guide toward healing, truth, and freedom.

If this episode resonates, please like, comment, and share—it helps others find their way out of confusion too.

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Beyond Blame: A Message for the Children of Divorce

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 30 Oct 2025 21:00:00 +0000

When a marriage falls apart, the story children see is often only a small part of what truly happened. One parent may look angry or reactive while the other appears calm or composed — but underneath, both are often hurting, both are surviving, and both are human.

In this heartfelt episode, life coach and podcast host Renee Swanson speaks directly to the sons and daughters who grew up in homes shaped by emotional turmoil or quiet disconnection. She offers a compassionate look at why one parent may have stayed, why the other finally left, and how fear, shame, and survival can silently erode connection over time.

This episode isn’t about blame — it’s about understanding.
Renee invites adult children to see their parents’ humanity, to build their own relationships free of loyalty binds and guilt, and to use the pain they witnessed as a source of awareness and healing for their own lives.

Why love can turn into survival inside emotionally unsafe marriages
How unhealed pain blocks repair and destroys trust
Why the parent who walked away may have been trying to save the family, not abandon it
The role of emotional intelligence — and what this generation can do differently
How adult children can break the cycle through awareness, compassion, and boundaries

If your parent sent you this episode, it’s because they love you — and want you to understand their story, and yours, with gentleness and truth.

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When Your Mind Won’t Stop: Escaping the Trap of Catastrophic Thinking After Covert Narcissistic Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 26 Oct 2025 18:00:00 +0000

If your mind can take one tiny worry and turn it into a full-blown disaster movie, you’re not alone.
That’s catastrophic thinking — and it’s one of the most common patterns survivors of covert narcissistic abuse struggle with.

After years of walking on eggshells, your brain learns to expect danger, even when there’s none. Whether you lived with a covertly abusive spouse or grew up under a narcissistic parent, your nervous system has been trained to stay on high alert. It’s not because you’re weak — it’s because your brain learned to survive chaos.

In this episode, Renee dives into how catastrophic thinking forms, why it’s so persistent, and how to retrain your mind for peace. You’ll learn practical tools to interrupt the spiral, including the Mickey Mouse voice trick, separating facts from fears, grounding your body in the present moment, and shifting from “what if” to “even if.”

You’ll discover how to talk to your inner protector with compassion, stop rehearsing disaster, and start rehearsing calm.
This is your permission to stop living in fear of the next explosion — and start building safety within yourself.

Because peace doesn’t come from control. It comes from trust — the quiet knowing that you can handle what comes next.

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But They Had a Rough Childhood”: When Excuses Become Permission Slips for Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 23 Oct 2025 21:00:00 +0000

We’ve all heard it—“But they had a rough childhood.” “They just don’t know any better.” “You have to feel sorry for them.”
Yes, empathy is beautiful. But at some point, we have to ask: how far does this excuse go?

In this episode, Renee pulls back the curtain on one of the most common traps survivors of covert narcissistic abuse fall into—confusing compassion with obligation. She unpacks the endless list of excuses narcissistic partners use to justify their cruelty, from childhood trauma to Mercury being in retrograde, and explains why understanding someone’s pain doesn’t mean accepting their abuse.

Through stories, examples, and that signature CNG mix of truth, humor, and hope, you’ll learn how to balance empathy with accountability—and how to protect your peace without hardening your heart.

If you’ve ever felt guilty for setting boundaries or staying angry “too long,” this one’s for you.

Listen to learn:

Why trauma explains behavior but never excuses it
The difference between compassion and self-destruction
How covert narcissists weaponize empathy
What real accountability actually looks like
How to keep your compassion from turning into exhaustion

Because loving someone doesn’t mean letting them hurt you—and healing begins the moment you say, this is not okay.

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How to Handle Triangulation: Protecting You and Your Children

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 19 Oct 2025 18:00:00 +0000

Triangulation doesn’t stop just because you see it. In fact, once you recognize the pattern, the covert narcissist often pushes harder, twisting words, controlling the story, and pulling others into the tension.

In this episode, Renee walks you through how to handle triangulation in every stage of the journey:

While you’re still in the relationship, how to stay grounded, refuse the bait, and protect your sanity. After you’ve left, how to respond to smear campaigns and stay out of the narcissist’s narrative. When your kids are being triangulated, how to create emotional safety, speak calm truth, and keep them from being pulled into the conflict.

You’ll learn how to recognize when others are also in survival mode, how to extend grace without losing boundaries, and how to rebuild trust in yourself and the relationships that matter most.

Because healing from triangulation isn’t about winning the argument, it’s about reclaiming your peace, protecting your children, and stepping out of someone else’s story for good.

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Covert Narcissism Unmasked: Sarma Melngailis on Manipulation, Awakening, and Resilience

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 16 Oct 2025 20:00:00 +0000

In Part 2 of my conversation with Sarma Melngailis, we dive into the turning point—the awakening after covert narcissistic abuse. Sarma shares the moment she began to see the manipulation clearly, how she learned to gray rock and set boundaries, and what it means to find freedom after years of psychological control.

Together, we unpack the neurobiology of cognitive dissonance, the pull of trauma bonds, and the courage it takes to finally close the door for good.

In this episode:

The “ice queen” strategy and how to emotionally disengage

Why closure can be the most dangerous trap

How cognitive dissonance and fear keep survivors stuck

Rebuilding self-trust after coercion and public judgment

Sarma’s insight into the psychological and spiritual aftermath of abuse offers hope to anyone finding their way back to self-trust and peace.

Her memoir The Girl With The Duck Tattoo continues to open eyes about coercion, consent, and resilience after narcissistic abuse.

Learn more about my coaching and recovery programs at www.covertnarcissism.com
Share your thoughts below—how have you learned to reclaim your voice after manipulation?

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Covert Narcissist Triangulation: How They Control the Narrative and Divide Relationships

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Tue, 14 Oct 2025 20:37:34 +0000

Triangulation is one of the covert narcissist’s most insidious tools — because it’s quiet, invisible, and devastating.
It’s how they control the narrative, twist communication, and turn the people you love against each other — all while pretending to be the calm, reasonable “peacekeeper.”

In this episode, Renee shares two powerful stories that reveal how triangulation slowly poisons relationships:

The first, a marriage where everything seems fine on the surface — until every conversation starts getting filtered through one partner’s control.
The second, a family where a covertly narcissistic parent quietly pits two siblings against each other for decades.

Through these stories and a heartfelt reflection, you’ll learn how triangulation erodes trust, damages connection, and keeps survivors trapped in confusion and self-doubt.

Join Renee next week as she continues this conversation with how to step out of triangulation and begin repairing the relationships it’s damaged.

Because once you see the pattern, you can finally start breaking free from it.

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From “Bad Vegan” to Truth Teller: Sarma Melngailis on Covert Narcissistic Abuse and Self-Discovery

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 9 Oct 2025 20:00:00 +0000

Sarma Melngailis—best known from the Netflix docuseries Bad Vegan—joins me to reveal the story the headlines never told. In this powerful and deeply human conversation, Sarma opens up about covert narcissistic abuse, repeated manipulation, and the long road of self-discovery that followed.

We explore how empathy, idealism, and even neurodivergence can make survivors more vulnerable to covert abuse—and how these same traits can also become sources of strength and healing.

In Part 1, we go beyond the public narrative into:

The early relationship patterns that mirrored covert narcissistic abuse

Why intelligent, capable people can still miss the warning signs

The link between sensitivity, empathy, and manipulation

Finding self-compassion after shame and public judgment

Sarma’s new memoir The Girl With The Duck Tattoo reveals the deeper truth of her experience—a story of narcissistic abuse, manipulation, and resilience.

If you’ve ever felt unseen or misunderstood, this episode will remind you that your empathy is not your weakness—it’s your superpower.

Learn more about my coaching and recovery programs at www.covertnarcissism.com.

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When You Snap: The Breaking Point After Covert Narcissistic Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 5 Oct 2025 18:00:00 +0000

You didn’t just wake up one day and decide to slap them.
That moment — the one that now fills you with shame and self-blame — didn’t come out of nowhere. It’s been building for a long time.

In this episode, Renee Swanson explores what happens when years of emotional invalidation, manipulation, and gaslighting finally push you past your breaking point. When your calm exterior cracks, and your reaction — whether yelling, slamming a door, or even lashing out — leaves you wondering, “What’s wrong with me?”

With deep compassion and truth, Renee explains the nervous system’s response to chronic emotional stress, how covert narcissists weaponize your reactions, and why a single moment does not define your character. You’ll hear a powerful story of one survivor who reached her limit — and how Renee helped her see that vulnerability and accountability can exist alongside self-forgiveness.

This episode isn’t about condoning reactive behavior. It’s about understanding it — and breaking free from the shame that keeps survivors stuck in silence.

If you’ve ever felt deep remorse after snapping, this conversation will help you see your humanity with new eyes.

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When Survivors Gather: The Power of Shared Stories and Safe Spaces After Covert Narcissistic Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 2 Oct 2025 21:00:00 +0000

What happens when survivors of covert narcissistic abuse come together in one safe space? At our recent CNG retreat, fifteen women gathered with fear, doubt, hope, and courage. Some were terrified to share their stories, afraid of judgment or dismissal. Others were overflowing with relief at finally being heard.

In this episode, I reflect on the lessons and transformations from that weekend: the power of connection, the validation that comes from shared stories, and the healing that happens when silence turns into vulnerability.

If you’ve ever wondered whether community can help you heal from covert narcissistic abuse, this conversation is for you.

Your story matters, and you deserve to be heard without judgment. If you’re ready to take the next step toward healing, check out my coaching services at www.covertnarcissism.com. And don’t forget to subscribe for more empowering episodes like this one.

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Why Being Yourself Feels Dangerous with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 28 Sep 2025 18:00:00 +0000

Have you ever wondered why just being yourself feels like walking through a minefield with a covert narcissist? Why your joy, your truth, your boundaries, even your growth seem to set off explosions? In this episode, we unpack exactly why the covert narcissist sees you as a threat.

From your truth that cracks their carefully crafted image, to your feelings that highlight their emptiness, to your independence, awareness, and growth that they can’t control—every healthy part of you feels like danger to them. But what they fear most is actually your greatest liberation: your authenticity and wholeness.

If you’ve felt like love, honesty, or boundaries only made things worse, this episode will help you see the patterns more clearly—and remind you that your strength is not the problem.

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Bird in a Cage, Part 2: Finding Freedom After Covert Narcissistic Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 25 Sep 2025 18:00:00 +0000

In Part 2 of my conversation with singer-songwriter Caryn Dixon, we go deeper into the journey of leaving—and staying gone—from covert narcissistic abuse. Caryn opens up about the staggering reality that it takes an average of seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship before it finally sticks, and why so many survivors find themselves pulled back into the cycle again and again.

She shares the powerful response her video on this topic has received—thousands of comments, shares, and private messages from survivors who see their own story reflected in hers. We talk about the heartbreak of repeated attempts, the invisible battles survivors fight to break free, and the hope that comes when we begin to live on the outside of the cage rather than inside it.

This is a conversation about resilience, the importance of community, and the way art and storytelling can give survivors permission to believe that freedom is possible.

Learn more about Caryn Dixon and her work at caryndixonmusic.com

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Pull Back Your Supply: How to Test the True Nature of a Relationship with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 21 Sep 2025 17:00:00 +0000

What happens when you stop pouring all your energy into someone else and start investing it back into yourself?

In a healthy relationship, your self-care is welcomed and even celebrated. Your partner enjoys the space to recharge too, and both of you come back stronger. But in a relationship with a covert narcissist, pulling back your supply—the constant attention, caretaking, and emotional labor—can trigger explosions, implosions, and childlike tantrums.

In this episode, Renee explores:

What “supply” really means in covert narcissistic relationships
The stark difference between healthy partners and covert narcissists when you focus on self-care
Real stories of explosions (“So you don’t care about me anymore?!”) and implosions (the dreaded silent treatment)
How pulling back gently can expose the genuine nature of your relationship
Practical ways to reclaim your energy without cruelty, only clarity

If your relationship crumbles the moment you take care of yourself, it’s not love—it’s control. Your worth is not found in endlessly giving yourself away. Your worth is already inside of you.

✨ Takeaway: Self-care is not betrayal. It’s the clearest test of whether your relationship is mutual love or one-sided survival.

DISCLAIMER
THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

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Bird in a Cage: Caryn Dixon’s Journey Out of Covert Narcissistic Abuse (Part 1)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 18 Sep 2025 20:00:00 +0000

In this first half of my two-part conversation with singer-songwriter Caryn Dixon, we explore the story behind her new EP Bird in a Cage—a raw and vulnerable collection of songs written out of her experience of covert narcissistic abuse. Caryn shares how life inside the “perfect couple” image felt more like a shrinking cage, one that left her hiding her pain, questioning her reality, and carrying invisible bruises.

We talk about the silence, sulking, and subtle manipulations that made her doubt herself, the heartbreaking difficulty of explaining covert abuse to the outside world, and the powerful shift that came when she began to put her truth into music.

If you’ve ever felt trapped behind bars no one else could see, Caryn’s story will resonate deeply. This is a conversation about breaking silence, reclaiming creativity, and finding freedom—one voice, one song, and one brave step at a time.

A big part of Caryn’s mission is to empower people—especially women who’ve felt stuck or like they’ve had to choose between family and chasing their dreams. Through her music and platform, she hopes to show that it’s possible to build a life that honors both.

Known for her blend of traditional country roots and modern storytelling, Caryn brings a genuine energy to every stage and song. Her growing career isn’t about chasing fame—it’s about building something real, one story, one listener, and one step at a time.

Learn more about Caryn Dixon at https://www.caryndixonmusic.com/

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Mary’s Story: A Celebration of Life and the Hidden Toll of Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 14 Sep 2025 17:16:06 +0000

In today’s episode, I step away from the usual format to share something deeply personal and profoundly important. This is a tribute—a celebration of life—for a member of our community whose story ended too soon. For her privacy, I will call her Mary.

Mary’s life was marked by decades of devotion, sacrifice, and quiet endurance. Though her family didn’t see her pain, and though her reality went unacknowledged in her death, we will not let her story be erased. Today, I honor Mary’s strength, her love, and her life—and in doing so, I honor every man and woman who is living Mary’s nightmare.

This episode is for all of you who feel invisible, broken inside, or uncared for. It’s a reminder that your sacrifices matter, your tears matter, and your life matters. Abuse doesn’t just live in the shadows of your heart—it takes a toll on your body, your spirit, and your very sense of home. But still, you carry strength beyond measure, even if no one else sees it.

So join me as we pause to honor Mary’s story and, through her, celebrate the lives of all survivors of covert narcissistic abuse.

DISCLAIMER
DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

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Leaving a Covert Narcissist: The 3 Stages of Physical, Emotional, and Mental Freedom

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 11 Sep 2025 20:00:00 +0000

Leaving a covert narcissist isn’t a single moment of walking out the door—it’s a layered process that unfolds in stages. In this episode, I explore the three different ways survivors leave: physically, emotionally, and mentally.

In physically abusive relationships, your body often leaves first for safety, while your heart and mind lag behind.
In emotionally abusive relationships, your heart shuts down long before your body can walk away.
And mentally? That’s the hardest and final stage—when you finally kick them out of your head and reclaim your thoughts.

Through stories, examples, and practical tools, I’ll guide you through each stage of leaving. You’ll learn why this process feels so different depending on the type of abuse, and how to give yourself grace along the way. Most importantly, you’ll walk away with real strategies for physical safety, emotional boundaries, and mental freedom—plus a touch of humor to lighten the load.

Your journey matters, and every step is part of your healing.

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Endless Attempts, Zero Progress: Can a Covert Narcissist Ever Wake Up?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 7 Sep 2025 17:00:00 +0000

You’ve researched. You’ve reasoned. You’ve shown empathy. You’ve tried again and again to help them see the truth—about their behavior, the damage, the disconnection. But nothing changes.

In this episode, Renee Swanson explores one of the most painful patterns survivors of covert narcissistic abuse face: the endless attempts to help, to explain, to connect—and the devastating realization that it never leads to real progress.

Through personal stories, listener reflections, and a powerful metaphor about stalled software updates, Renee unpacks why covert narcissists rarely "wake up," even when the truth is laid out in front of them. She shares what happens when you finally name the problem… and they still don’t (or won’t) see it. And she reminds you that your growth, your healing, and your peace don’t have to wait for someone else’s transformation.

Because when you’re the only one trying, it’s not a relationship—it’s a rescue mission.

DISCLAIMER:
The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case.

This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

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Covert Narcissism: It’s Not What They Said, It’s How They Said It

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 4 Sep 2025 20:00:00 +0000

Have you ever replayed a conversation in your head, wondering if you misunderstood what was said—or if you were being manipulated? In relationships with covert narcissists, it’s rarely the words themselves that do the most damage. It’s the intent, the tone, and the unspoken energy behind them.

In this episode, we explore how the same words can hold completely different meanings depending on who is saying them—and why. From “I don’t want to fight” to “I’m sorry,” covert narcissists use language as a tool to avoid accountability and maintain control, while survivors use those very same phrases as cries for connection and repair.

You’ll learn how to recognize the difference between words spoken with genuine vulnerability and those used as weapons of manipulation. By the end, you’ll see more clearly that it isn’t the vocabulary that defines abuse—it’s the intent and capacity behind the words.

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Covert Narcissism 102: The Final Exam You Never Wanted to Take

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 31 Aug 2025 17:00:00 +0000

If Covert Narcissism 101 exposed the basics, get ready for the advanced curriculum. This is Part Two of our two-part series — and today, we’re tackling Covert Narcissism 102: The Final Exam You Never Wanted to Take.

In this sarcastic “classroom lecture,” we break down the advanced strategies covert narcissists seem to master: weaponizing forgetfulness, controlling through chaos, hijacking holidays, rewriting history, and keeping their partners hooked with just enough crumbs of affection. It’s the textbook they all seem to have memorized — and once you recognize the syllabus, you’ll never look at their tactics the same way again.

And don’t miss the “final exam” and mock graduation ceremony — because by the end of this episode, you’ll see exactly why you’re ready to drop the class, tear up the syllabus, and claim your freedom.

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Covert Narcissism 101: The Textbook They All Seem to Have Read

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 28 Aug 2025 20:00:00 +0000

Have you ever noticed that covert narcissists all seem to follow the exact same script? It’s as if they sat in the same classroom, took the same notes, and memorized the same textbook.

In this episode — Part One of a two-part series — we crack open that mysterious manual: Covert Narcissism 101. From the art of the half-apology, to gaslighting, silent treatments, and the polished public persona, you’ll hear the “lessons” every covert narcissist seems to master. Presented with humor and sarcasm, this episode walks through the “professor’s lecture” to covert narcissists-in-training, exposing the playbook they all seem to know by heart.

Because when you live with a covert narcissist, it’s not a relationship — it’s an education you never signed up for. But once you see the syllabus, you’ll know exactly how to drop the class for good.

Stay tuned for Part Two, where we’ll dive into the advanced curriculum: hijacking holidays, rewriting history, and keeping you hooked.

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The Gaping Hole Where Reconciliation Should Be: Life Without Repair in a Covert Narcissistic Relationship

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 24 Aug 2025 22:37:57 +0000

One of the most painful realities of living with a covert narcissist is the absence of reconciliation. Conflicts don’t get repaired. Apologies are either nonexistent or so hollow they echo in your chest. You’re left holding the pieces of a conflict, waiting for your partner to help put them back together—only to realize they’ve already walked away, acting like nothing happened.

In this episode, Renee Swanson explores the gaping hole where reconciliation should exist in relationships with covert narcissists. Through real-life examples—like the silent treatment over a dishwasher, the missed soccer game, and the joke that “was just a joke”—Renee contrasts how repair unfolds in healthy relationships versus how it is systematically blocked in toxic ones.

This episode shines a light on the crazy-making cycle survivors are trapped in: punished for speaking up, punished for staying silent, blamed for everything either way. Yet it also offers clarity and hope: the recognition that the absence of repair is not your fault, and healing is still possible.

If you’ve been left alone in the wreckage, waiting for closure that never comes, this episode will help you name the gaping hole for what it is—and begin to build your own bridge to healing.

DISCLAIMER:
THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

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Crush Your Divorce, Protect Your Peace: A Conversation with Attorney & Author Bree Sullivan-Howell

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Fri, 22 Aug 2025 15:31:21 +0000

Divorcing a covert narcissist is not just about paperwork—it’s about survival. Today on the Covert Narcissism Podcast, I sit down with Bree Sullivan-Howell, a seasoned family law attorney with over two decades of experience and the author of Crush Your Divorce and Keep Your Faith and Crush Your Comeback. Bree brings both practical wisdom from the courtroom and heartfelt guidance for the personal and spiritual battles that survivors face.

In this powerful conversation, Bree and I dive deep into:

Why narcissists view their spouse and children as possessions—and what happens when you dare to break free.
The reality of post-separation abuse and how it shows up in custody battles and court filings.
How legal abuse works—and why narcissists weaponize the legal system to keep control.
Practical steps for documenting emotional abuse in ways that hold weight in court.
The critical importance of building a support team—attorney, therapist, coach, and trusted allies—so you’re not fighting this battle alone.
How to become a safe haven for your children while navigating accusations of parental alienation.
Why it’s essential to avoid clinical labels in court and instead focus on facts and behaviors.

Bree also shares her faith-based perspective on reclaiming worth, hope, and freedom—reminding us that there is life after narcissism.

If you’re in the thick of a high-conflict divorce, this episode is a roadmap of both strategy and encouragement. You’ll walk away with clarity on what to expect, how to prepare, and the confidence that you are not alone in this fight.

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Forever Young, Forever Stuck: The Peter Pan World of Covert Narcissists

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 17 Aug 2025 21:03:39 +0000

When you’re in a relationship with a covert narcissist, it can feel like living in Never Never Land—a place where no one grows up, nothing ever gets resolved, and you’re left carrying all the weight. At first, their charm feels like magic. They’re playful, adventurous, fun. But when real life shows up—accountability, conflict, emotional depth—they shut down, lash out, or retreat into blame.

In this episode, we explore the Peter Pan World of covert narcissists, those who refuse to grow up and keep their partners stuck in emotional childhood right alongside them. Whether it’s Peter Pan or Paula Pan, and whether you are playing the role of Wendy or William, the result is the same: you’re cast into the role of caretaker, carrying the emotional, practical, and relational weight while your needs are silenced.

We’ll unpack:

The traits of a covert narcissist who avoids responsibility at all costs.
The emotional toll of being cast as Wendy—or William—in the relationship.
Why truth, repair, and closure vanish into “Never Never Land.”
How to recognize the cycle and start writing a new story outside of their fantasy world.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re living in Never Never Land, an emotional purgatory with someone who refuses to grow up, this episode will help you name it—and remind you that you don’t have to stay there.

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Your Rights When With a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Fri, 15 Aug 2025 02:58:30 +0000

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you? With these rights in mind, do you wish to speak to me?”
Now that I have shown how I will treat every word that comes out of your mouth, you better just shut up. I’m better than you at manipulating things, turning things against you, controlling you. This is my territory. This in a marriage! So condescending. So hurtful.
It’s no wonder that we quit talking to them. So many victims shut down and go grey rock and don’t even understand why. They don’t even know what that is, but do it out of survival.
So what should those rights be? What do they look like in a healthy relationship? I re-wrote them:
"You have the right to be you. Anything you say can and will be heard and valued. You have the right to speak your mind. If you do not know how to speak your mind, I will wait patiently and eagerly to hear your thoughts. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you? With these rights in mind, are you open to speaking with me?"
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
•Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
•Are you searching for people who get it?
•Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
•Are you running in circles in your mind?
•Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
•Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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I Didn’t Know the Words But I Knew the Feeling: Making Sense of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Mon, 11 Aug 2025 03:08:20 +0000

You don’t have to know the terminology to know when something feels wrong.
Long before I knew the term gaslighting, I knew the dizzying confusion of hearing “I never said that” about something I remembered clearly. Before I’d ever heard of circular conversations, I knew the frustration of talking in circles until I was the one apologizing. Before I could name moving goalposts, I knew the exhaustion of never being able to “get it right.” And before I understood walking on eggshells, I knew the tension of monitoring every word, every step, every breath.

In this episode, I’m taking you through these tactics—not as cold definitions, but as lived experiences. You’ll hear personal stories, examples, and the emotional reality behind the phrases. And you’ll learn why this podcast isn’t about labeling someone as a covert narcissist—it’s about giving you the language to talk about what you’ve lived through and to reclaim your truth.

Because you may not have had the words back then… but you knew the feeling. And now, you can name it.

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The Real Reason the Covert Narcissist Still Isn’t Changing: Understanding Guilt vs. Shame

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Fri, 8 Aug 2025 02:51:28 +0000

They’ve stopped yelling. They’re going to therapy. They’re more “attentive.” So why does it still feel like nothing’s changed?

In this final episode of our 4-part series with Dr. Anthony Mazzella, we dive into one of the most misunderstood dynamics in narcissistic relationships: the collapse of guilt into shame—and how it sabotages real change.

We explore:

Why narcissistically inclined individuals can’t tolerate guilt
How shame masquerades as self-awareness but blocks true repair
The difference between behavior modification and emotional transformation
Why surface-level change without integration eventually falls apart

If you've ever felt confused by a partner who seems to be "trying"—but still leaves you feeling alone, invalidated, or unsafe—this episode will help you make sense of what’s really happening.

This is not just a conversation about narcissism. It’s a conversation about what real healing looks like—and what happens when we mistake shame for growth.

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When Your Adult Child Takes Their Side: Surviving the Second Betrayal of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Mon, 4 Aug 2025 02:45:59 +0000

When the Child You Protected Believes the Narcissist
It’s a betrayal that cuts deeper than most people can understand—when your adult child, the one you protected for years, turns on you and takes the side of the covert narcissist. If you’re walking through this devastating experience, you are not alone.

I’m opening a small, supportive Zoom coaching group just for parents facing this heartbreak. This group is a safe place to process the grief, confusion, and isolation of being cast as the villain in a story you spent your life protecting them from.

We’ll meet weekly to work through the pain, understand why this happens, and rebuild your peace, identity, and strength—together.

This is your space to feel seen, supported, and empowered.
Spots are limited. Learn more and reserve your place at www.covertnarcissism.com

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Beneath the Apology: Shame, Image, and the Illusion of Empathy with Dr. Anthony Mazzella

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Fri, 1 Aug 2025 03:56:51 +0000

What if that apology wasn’t about you at all?
What if the moment that looked like remorse was really a carefully constructed move to restore a fractured image?

In this powerful continuation of our series with Dr. Anthony Mazzella from The Narcissism Decoder podcast, we dive beneath the surface of “I’m sorry” to explore what’s really going on: the tangled relationship between guilt, shame, narcissism, and the illusion of empathy.

We break down a real-life example of a man spiraling in frustration, seemingly finding redemption through kindness — but is it guilt, or is it shame-fueled self-preservation?

This episode is essential for anyone trying to make sense of the mixed signals in narcissistic relationships, especially for those raising or supporting adult children who are still struggling with internalized shame from growing up in a narcissistic home.

We explore:

The difference between authentic guilt and toxic shame
How narcissistic defenses hijack true connection
Why timing matters in therapy and healing
How to recognize image repair masquerading as empathy
Why curiosity — not judgment — is the key to growth

Whether you’ve lived with a covert narcissist, parented with one, or are watching your adult child unravel years of emotional confusion, this episode offers clarity and direction.

🎧 Subscribe so you don’t miss any of this series and future episodes that guide you back to your truth.

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Baiting Tactics of Covert Narcissists: Signs, Examples, and How to Respond

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Mon, 28 Jul 2025 13:40:02 +0000

Baiting is one of the most maddening—and most misunderstood—tactics used by covert narcissists. It’s the emotional equivalent of poking you with a stick just to watch you react, then sitting back and saying, “Wow… look how angry you are.”

In this episode, we unpack exactly how covert narcissists bait you into emotional reactions—and why they benefit from pushing your buttons. From passive-aggressive digs and guilt trips to carefully crafted public humiliation, we break down the subtle ways they set you up to explode while they keep their mask perfectly intact.

You’ll hear:

Real-life examples of narcissistic baiting
Why they want you to react (and what they gain from it)
Sarcastic comebacks you’ll want to say—but probably shouldn’t
Tools for staying grounded, using the Gray Rock method, and protecting your peace

If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation thinking, “How did I just become the bad guy again?”—this episode is for you.

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Guilt vs Shame: The Emotional Crossroads That Defines Healing, guest Dr. Anthony Mazzella

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Mon, 28 Jul 2025 13:39:39 +0000

Part two of a 4 part series on Guilt and Shame with guest, Dr. Anthony Mazzella, Psychotherapist & Host of The Narcissism Decoder Podcast

What if the guilt you carry… isn’t actually guilt at all?

In Part Two of this powerful conversation, Renee and Dr. Anthony Mazzella dive into the subtle but life-changing difference between guilt and shame—and why confusing the two can keep you stuck in cycles of self-blame, anxiety, and emotional paralysis.

You’ll learn:

Why guilt is actually a sign of emotional health—and a driver of change
How shame stunts growth while guilt motivates repair
The difference between healthy guilt, toxic guilt, and emotional manipulation
Why narcissists often fake guilt through apology—but never actually change
How to recognize when you're feeling shame, not guilt, and what to do about it
The role of empathy, boundaries, and emotional development in healing
Why we must give our pain words—and why shame so often lives unnamed

If you’ve ever said, “I feel so guilty…” but couldn’t put your finger on why—or felt weighed down by an apology you can’t stop making—this episode is for you.

This is the emotional fork in the road: one path leads to healing. The other keeps you stuck in someone else’s story.

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You’re Always the Problem: The Impossible Reality of Life with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Mon, 21 Jul 2025 23:07:24 +0000

With a covert narcissist, the outcome is always the same: you’re the problem. No matter how gently you speak, how carefully you tread, or how hard you try—somehow, it always comes back to you. That’s not bad communication. That’s emotional abuse wrapped in manipulation, guilt, and gaslighting.

In this episode, we walk through a choose-your-own-adventure version of life with a covert narcissist—where every decision leads to blame, confusion, or emotional fallout. Whether it’s handling a parenting issue, grabbing lunch with a friend, or simply protecting your child’s mental health, you’re forced into impossible choices with no right answers.

You’ll hear:

Why life with a covert narcissist feels like a rigged game
The emotional toll of always being the villain in their story
The healthy option you never get—and why that’s the deepest grief
How to begin choosing yourself even when every road feels unsafe

If you’ve been stuck in a cycle of trying harder, only to end up blamed again—you need this episode. It’s not you. It was never you. And it’s time to stop carrying the weight of someone else’s dysfunction.

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Shame vs Self: The Invisible Wound Behind Narcissistic Traits, guest Dr. Anthony Mazzella

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Mon, 21 Jul 2025 23:06:57 +0000

Part one of a 4 part series on Guilt and Shame with guest, Dr. Anthony Mazzella, Psychotherapist & Host of The Narcissism Decoder Podcast

What if the root of so much emotional pain, self-sabotage, and confusion isn’t who you are—but what you've carried?

In this powerful first episode of a two-part series, Renee is joined by Dr. Anthony Mazzella to explore how shame, not arrogance or ego, often sits at the center of narcissistic traits—both in ourselves and in the people who have hurt us.

Together, they unpack:

What shame really is—and how it’s different from guilt
How shame starts in early childhood through misattunement, rejection, or humiliation
The invisible ways shame shapes identity, emotions, and behavior
How narcissistic defenses like projection, withdrawal, and perfectionism are fueled by shame
Why people-pleasing is often a mask for hidden shame
How religious, cultural, or family systems can unknowingly create shame-based beliefs

Shame isn’t just an emotion—it becomes a lens through which we see ourselves and the world. It’s not something we feel—it’s something we become. And unless we learn how to name it, it quietly dictates how we love, hide, lash out, or shut down.

Whether you’ve lived with a covert narcissist or find yourself stuck in patterns you don’t fully understand, this episode will help you name the invisible wound behind it all—and take the first step toward healing.

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Leaving Doesn’t Start with a Go Bag: Why Leaving a Covert Narcissist Takes Time

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Mon, 14 Jul 2025 04:19:45 +0000

Leaving a covert narcissist isn’t a single event—it’s a process.
In this episode, we break down the myth of the dramatic midnight escape and explore the emotional, psychological, and logistical realities that make leaving so complex.

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why didn’t I leave sooner?” or been judged by others for how long it’s taken to get out, this conversation is for you. We’ll talk about the mental rewiring survivors must do, the fear of not being believed, the self-doubt that comes from years of gaslighting, and the real-life obstacles—like finances, kids, and safety—that make a clean break nearly impossible.

This episode is a reminder: leaving doesn’t start with a suitcase—it starts with truth. And every quiet step you take toward reclaiming your mind, your freedom, and your self-worth… counts.

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The Covert Narcissist is Just Enough: Why You Stayed So Long

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Fri, 11 Jul 2025 03:22:04 +0000

Why do so many people stay in relationships with covert narcissists for years—sometimes decades?

This episode is a raw, honest, and deeply validating exploration of the emotional tug-of-war that keeps survivors stuck in toxic dynamics. I open up about my own 20+ year marriage to a covert narcissist—why I stayed, why I didn’t see it sooner, and why that doesn’t mean there was something wrong with me.

Because covert narcissists are masters at being “just enough.”

Just enough good to make you stay. Just enough bad to make you question everything. Just enough charm to keep others fooled. Just enough cruelty to break you behind closed doors. Their entire strategy is built on almosts—on the hope that maybe, just maybe, this time it will be different.

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why didn’t I leave?” or “Why didn’t I see it sooner?”—this episode is for you.

You are not alone. You are not crazy. You are not weak. You were trauma bonded to someone who knew exactly how to keep you stuck.

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Keeping the Peace... at What Cost? How Covert Narcissists Make Everyone Pay for Their Unhappiness

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 6 Jul 2025 21:28:10 +0000

When you're in a relationship with a covert narcissist, peace is often a performance—maintained at the expense of your own emotional well-being. This episode of The Covert Narcissism Podcast explores how covert narcissists condition those around them to bend, sacrifice, and stay silent just to avoid upsetting them.

From partners who tell their kids “just do what your dad wants” to adult children asked to adjust their lives to keep the narcissistic parent happy, this episode exposes the high cost of maintaining “peace” in a toxic dynamic.

We’ll dive into real-life examples of how covert narcissists weaponize their moods to manipulate and control, how families get pulled into the dance of appeasement, and how to begin breaking this generational cycle.

If you’ve ever felt responsible for someone else’s happiness—or guilty for standing your ground—this episode is for you.

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Rent Free in My Head: How Covert Narcissists Keep Controlling You After You Leave

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Fri, 4 Jul 2025 02:37:44 +0000

You left. You blocked them. You did everything you were “supposed” to do to break free from the covert narcissist in your life.
But somehow… they’re still there.
In your thoughts.
In your inner dialogue.
In the way you second-guess yourself when no one’s even around.

In this episode, we explore why covert narcissists continue to live “rent free” in your head long after the relationship ends — and how emotional abuse rewires your brain, leaving behind patterns of self-doubt, hypervigilance, and internalized gaslighting.

You’ll learn:

Why “leaving” doesn’t always mean freedom
How trauma bonds keep you psychologically hooked
What it looks like when their voice becomes your inner critic
How to begin reclaiming your mental space and evict the intruder for good
What to do if you're still in the relationship but want to begin your mental and emotional freedom now

Whether you’ve left or are still trying to plan your exit, this episode offers practical steps and deep validation for anyone struggling to find peace after covert narcissistic abuse.

And in honor of Independence Day, we talk about what real freedom looks like — the kind you fight for inside your own mind.

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Implode or Explode: How Covert Narcissists React When You Call Them Out

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 29 Jun 2025 17:00:47 +0000

What happens when you finally speak the truth to a covert narcissist? Whether you’re pointing out a small forgotten chore or confronting them about a huge betrayal, the emotional fallout can feel overwhelming and confusing.

In this episode, we’re diving deep into the two most common narcissistic reactions to being called out: the emotional implosion of shame and the defensive explosion of blame.

Learn why narcissists either spiral into shame-filled self-pity or launch into rage and blame-shifting—and why both reactions are designed to avoid accountability.

We’ll explore:

The difference between a narcissistic implosion vs. explosion
Real-life examples of how each reaction looks and feels
Why these reactions derail the original conversation
How to protect your peace when you’re caught in this emotional storm

If you’ve ever found yourself comforting the person who hurt you… or defending yourself against an emotional attack after calling out their behavior… this episode is for you.

Narcissist reaction to being called out, narcissistic collapse, narcissistic rage, covert narcissism, emotional abuse, narcissistic defense mechanisms, how narcissists react to confrontation, narcissistic accountability avoidance

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Is This Really Healing… or Just Behavior Management? The Dry Drunk Parallel in Covert Narcissistic Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 26 Jun 2025 20:30:02 +0000

When the yelling stops, the lies fade, and the manipulative games come to a halt… does it mean they are getting better?

In this episode, we explore the confusing and disorienting experience of living with someone who has changed their behaviors, but hasn’t done the real emotional work underneath.

Drawing a parallel with the concept of a "dry drunk," we’ll unpack why behavior management without inner healing leaves survivors of covert narcissistic abuse still feeling unsafe, unseen, and emotionally alone.

We’ll dive into:

What a “dry drunk” actually is
The emotional wounds that fuel both addiction and narcissistic behaviors
Why things sometimes feel worse after the behavior stops
The difference between true healing and surface-level change
How to trust your gut when something still feels off

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “I should be happy… but I’m not”—this episode is for you.

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But Do You Really Care: How Covert Narcissists Fake Empathy

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 22 Jun 2025 17:00:00 +0000

Empathy — we all think we know what it means, until we’re in a relationship where it’s missing. Covert narcissists are often skilled at sounding emotionally intelligent. They can say the right words, mirror emotional language, and even cry on cue — but something still feels off. That’s because what they offer isn’t real empathy; it’s a performance.

In this episode, we explore the difference between true empathy and intellectual mimicry, revealing how covert narcissists can talk the talk while leaving you emotionally starved. You’ll hear real-life examples of how this plays out, how it erodes your sense of self, and why it’s not your fault that their words never seem to reach your heart.

If you’ve ever asked, “Why do I still feel so alone when I’m not alone?” — this episode is for you.

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When Addiction, Trauma, and Narcissistic Traits Collide: A Candid Talk with Todd Rennebohm

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 19 Jun 2025 20:00:00 +0000

Are they a covert narcissist or an alcoholic? What if the alcohol goes away? Does this get better?

In this candid and thought-provoking conversation, I sit down with Todd Rennebohm, host of Bunny Hugs and Mental Health, to explore the complex intersection of addiction, trauma, emotional dysregulation, and misunderstood behaviors. Todd opens up about his lived experience with substance abuse, undiagnosed ADHD, and the journey from survival mode to genuine healing.

Together, we unpack the blurry line between narcissistic traits and trauma responses—especially when addiction or mental health challenges are at play. We talk about emotional regulation, humility, personal growth, and the powerful difference between true narcissism and wounded coping strategies.

Whether you're trying to understand a loved one, your partner, or even yourself… this episode offers clarity, compassion, and hope.

https://bunnyhugspodcast.com/

https://bleav.com/shows/bunny-hugs-mental-health/

https://m.youtube.com/@bunnyhugsandmentalhealth

https://www.instagram.com/bunnyhugspodcast

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The Birthday That Broke You: Why Covert Narcissists Ruin Special Occasions

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 15 Jun 2025 17:00:00 +0000

You planned everything perfectly — the dinner, the outfit, the guest list.
But somehow, your birthday still ended in silence. Or tears. Or walking on eggshells.

If you’ve ever felt like your special moments were stolen — you’re not alone.
In this episode, we explore why covert narcissists sabotage holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and even simple family gatherings. We’ll dive into the hidden motives behind their emotional sabotage, including control, envy, and resentment — and how their behavior leaves survivors dreading the very days that were meant to be joyful.

You’ll hear real-life examples, psychological insights, and healing strategies — including a powerful tradition we hold at my annual retreat to reclaim the holidays that were taken from us.

🎉 Plus: how to create your own personal holiday to celebrate your healing, your freedom, and the life you’re building — on your own terms.

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What’s in Your Basement? How Childhood Trauma Sabotages Adult Relationships

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 12 Jun 2025 20:00:00 +0000

We all live on the "main floor" of our emotional house—handling relationships, responsibilities, and day-to-day life. But when things break down, the real answers are often hidden in the basement: our childhood. In this episode, I unpack how unresolved childhood trauma silently shapes the way we love, react, and connect as adults. You'll learn why survival responses like people-pleasing, emotional numbing, and fear of closeness aren’t signs of weakness—they’re signs of old wiring that needs your attention. If you've ever wondered why healthy love feels so hard, it's time to take a look downstairs.

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How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Kids Amidst Covert Narcissistic Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 8 Jun 2025 17:00:00 +0000

How do you raise emotionally grounded, self-aware children when you're navigating the chaos and confusion of covert narcissistic abuse — or healing from it yourself?

In this powerful episode, we explore what it means to parent with intention, clarity, and compassion in the aftermath of narcissistic harm. Whether you're co-parenting with a narcissist, raising children who were exposed to emotional manipulation, or trying to unlearn toxic patterns from your own childhood, this episode is for you.

We cover:

Why your awareness is already part of the healing
How to model emotional safety — not perfection
What to do when you see narcissistic behaviors in your child
How to undo the messaging they’ve absorbed from the narcissistic parent
And how your imperfect, intentional presence can shift your child’s relational blueprint

Because you don’t have to be perfect — just present, honest, and willing to grow.

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Nature versus Nurture: Where Did All This Narcissism Come From?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 5 Jun 2025 20:00:00 +0000

Are narcissists born or made? In this foundational episode, we unpack the complex roots of narcissism through the lens of both nature and nurture. We explore how temperament, early childhood environment, and relational trauma interact to shape narcissistic behaviors — and why it’s not always a direct path.

You’ll learn:

How biological traits like sensitivity or the need for validation can become liabilities in emotionally unsafe environments
Why narcissism is often a learned survival strategy — and not always from overtly abusive parenting
That not everyone raised in a narcissistic home becomes a narcissist — and some narcissists weren’t raised by narcissists at all
How to understand the difference between narcissistic traits and full-blown personality disorder
Why the origins of someone’s narcissism don’t excuse the harm they cause — and what that means for your healing

Whether you’re still in the relationship or long out, this episode offers clarity, validation, and direction. Because you don’t have to figure this out alone. And understanding the “why” helps you stop taking on the impossible task of fixing it.

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Fix-It Mode and the Trauma Bond: When Love Becomes Survival

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 1 Jun 2025 17:00:00 +0000

Why is it so hard to leave — even when you know the relationship is toxic?

In this powerful episode, we expose the hidden truth behind trauma bonding with a covert narcissist. It’s not just emotional confusion — it’s chemical addiction. You’re not addicted to the person; you’re addicted to the highs, the relief, the dopamine rush that follows emotional chaos. And while you're chasing connection, they’re chasing something else entirely: your Fix-It Mode.

We’ll break down the neuroscience of trauma bonding, explore why your empathy is being exploited, and uncover why the narcissist needs to keep collapsing — just to keep you engaged. This isn’t love. It’s survival mode.

If you’ve ever felt trapped in the cycle of emotional whiplash — adored one moment, blamed the next — this episode will help you see the pattern for what it is… and finally begin to break free.

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Trying Too Hard to Fix It: When Enough Finally Becomes Enough

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 29 May 2025 21:00:00 +0000

If you’ve been bending over backwards trying to fix a relationship that keeps breaking you… this episode is for you.

Today, I’m sharing a personal story about the moment I was asked a question that stopped me in my tracks: “Can you honestly say you’ve done everything you know to do?” That one question made me face the truth — not about the relationship, but about how much of myself I had been pouring into something that couldn’t be repaired by effort alone.

In this episode, we explore:

Why survivors of covert narcissistic abuse try so hard to fix what isn’t fixable
How over-functioning keeps us stuck in one-sided emotional labor
What “giving it your all” really means — and what it doesn’t
The illusion of the “one right book, podcast, or article” that will finally make them change
The moment you realize you’ve done enough — even if they never did
How to stop proving your pain and start honoring your healing

You don’t have to wait until you’re completely broken to say, “That’s enough.”
You’re allowed to stop trying when your trying is costing you your peace, your clarity, and your self-worth.

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Dreading the Weekend: The Backwards Reality of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 25 May 2025 17:08:11 +0000

If you find yourself dreading the weekend and breathing easier on Monday mornings, you might be living in the upside-down world of covert narcissistic abuse.

In this powerful episode, we explore what it’s like to live with a covert narcissist whose presence turns weekends into emotional minefields. While others relax and recharge, you're managing moods, walking on eggshells, and just trying to make it through.

We’ll walk through the emotional rhythm of the week — from the sweet relief of Monday morning to the quiet panic of Friday afternoons — and explain why this backwards cycle is not only real, but a key sign of emotional abuse.

You'll also learn a simple but transformative mindset tool I teach my clients called “popcorn moments” — a way to regain your sanity by observing the chaos instead of getting pulled into it.

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Are They a Covert Narcissist or Just a Jerk? How to Tell the Difference

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 22 May 2025 16:49:58 +0000

Are they a covert narcissist—or are they just being a jerk?
That’s one of the most common (and most confusing) questions I hear from clients and listeners. In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, we break down real-life examples of those cutting, guilt-laced, or backhanded comments that leave you wondering: Was that emotional abuse, passive-aggressive manipulation, or just a bad moment?

From relationship red flags like “Must be nice to have that kind of freedom”, to parental guilt trips like “After all I’ve done for you…”, we’ll look at how to spot the signs of covert narcissism versus everyday jerk behavior.

You’ll learn how to recognize emotional invalidation, gaslighting, guilt trips, and passive-aggressive abuse—and how to tell when it’s a manipulative pattern instead of a one-off mistake.
If you’ve been left second-guessing your reality, feeling invisible or emotionally punished, this episode will help you find clarity.

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Circular Conversations from Hell: Trapped in the Loop with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 18 May 2025 17:00:00 +0000

Ever walk away from a conversation feeling more confused than when you started—like somehow, even though you were calm, kind, and clear, you’re the one apologizing again?

Welcome to the maddening world of circular conversations with a covert narcissist.

In this episode, we dive into the logic-defying, soul-draining dynamics that keep you stuck in emotional loops—where nothing gets resolved, the goalposts always move, and your reality is constantly twisted. Before you even had the words “covert narcissism,” you probably felt it: the confusion, the guilt, the slow erasure of your clarity and confidence.

You’ll hear a dramatized conversation that shows how these patterns unfold, how covert narcissists derail resolution, and what gaslighting really sounds like behind closed doors. More importantly, we’ll explore how to step out of the spiral—with grounded examples, boundary-setting phrases, and reminders that you’re not crazy. You’re being manipulated.

If you’re tired of talking in circles and ready to reclaim your peace, this one’s for you.

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If I Weren’t Talking About Covert Narcissism… I’d Be Starting Fires in the Woods

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 15 May 2025 17:25:17 +0000

In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, we take a much-needed breath of fresh air—literally and emotionally.

If I weren’t talking about covert narcissism every week, I’d be out in the woods learning survival skills: building fires, navigating with moss, and figuring out which berries won’t kill me. Why? Because sometimes, healing from covert narcissistic abuse means taking a step back to reconnect with who you are outside the trauma.

This episode is your invitation to pause the obsessive thoughts about the covert narcissist, stop decoding emotional abuse for just a moment, and remember what it feels like to simply be you.

We’ll explore:

Why it’s essential to take breaks during narcissistic abuse recovery
How constantly thinking about narcissism can keep you stuck
What stepping back does for your nervous system, your identity, and your healing
A fun peek into what I’d be doing if I weren’t talking about emotional abuse every week

Whether you’re deep in recovery or just beginning to recognize the signs of covert narcissism, this episode is a gentle reminder: you’re allowed to breathe, laugh, explore, and live.

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When Guilt Is a Lie: How Covert Control Feels Like Your Fault

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 11 May 2025 17:00:00 +0000

What if the guilt you’ve been carrying… isn’t guilt at all? In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, we peel back the layers of false guilt—those heavy, painful feelings that whisper “you’re the problem” anytime someone else is upset. Renee walks through a real-life example of emotional coercion in a relationship with a covert narcissist, showing how guilt is often a disguise for fear, shame, and manipulated responsibility.
You'll learn how to recognize the difference between true guilt and emotional control, how to reframe the heartbreak we mistakenly label as wrongdoing, and why survivors of covert abuse so often confuse love with self-erasure.
If you’ve ever canceled your joy, dimmed your light, or questioned your own goodness just to avoid someone’s disapproval—this episode is for you.

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Sexual Coercion and Assault Within Marriage

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 8 May 2025 21:21:44 +0000

What if you said yes — but didn’t feel free to say no?

In this powerful and necessary episode, we’re confronting the hidden reality of sexual coercion and assault within marriage, especially when the partner is a covert narcissist. From guilt-laced manipulation to emotional punishment and silent withdrawal, we explore how control can show up quietly — and why consent isn’t real if it’s not freely given.

You’ll hear real-life examples, common tactics used to override your “no,” and clear steps to help you name the abuse and reclaim your voice. Whether sex was forced, guilted, or withheld to hurt you — your experience matters. Your “no” still matters.

If you’ve ever asked, “Was that really assault?” — this episode is for you.

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More Truths from My Therapist That Rewired My Trauma Brain, Part Two

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 4 May 2025 17:00:00 +0000

Welcome to Part Two of Things My Therapist Said That Deserve to Be on T-Shirts. We’re continuing the conversation with five more transformative truths that cut through confusion, emotional manipulation, and internalized blame—especially for anyone navigating covert narcissistic abuse.

These one-liners don’t just help you name what’s been happening—they help you stop second-guessing yourself and start reclaiming your peace. Whether you're living with a covert narcissist, healing after a painful breakup, or just trying to trust your gut again, this episode is packed with insight, validation, and practical trauma recovery tools.

In this episode, we’ll unpack:

“If they only treat you well when you’re useful, it’s not kindness. It’s convenience.” — identifying narcissistic behavior masked as affection
“Of course you're exhausted. You're carrying emotional loads that aren’t yours.” — the invisible weight of narcissistic abuse
“Peace isn’t boring. You’re just addicted to chaos.” — learning to tolerate emotional safety again
“Gaslighting isn’t an argument. It’s a control tactic.” — naming the real dynamic of covert narcissistic manipulation
“Your gut knew before your brain was ready.” — reconnecting with your intuition after emotional abuse

Each segment is a reminder that you’re not overreacting—you’re responding to a situation that was never safe to begin with. Your gut instinct was right. Your feelings are valid. And your healing doesn’t need their permission.

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10 Things My Therapist Said That Deserve to Be on T-Shirts, Part One

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 1 May 2025 21:00:00 +0000

Sometimes the biggest breakthroughs in healing from covert narcissistic abuse come from just one sentence—something so simple, so true, it rewires your entire nervous system. In this part one episode, I’m sharing five powerful one-liners my therapist said that helped me finally recognize the emotional abuse I had been living through—and start the real work of healing.

We talk about what it means to stop apologizing for your emotions, how guilt isn't a moral compass, and why setting boundaries with a covert narcissist often feels like you're doing something wrong (spoiler: you’re not). If you’ve been walking on eggshells, second-guessing your every move, or struggling to trust yourself, this episode will speak directly to your experience.

Inside Part One, we’ll explore:

“You’re not crazy. You’re just traumatized.” — how gaslighting in relationships makes you doubt your reality
“It’s not your job to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.” — the trap of self-abandonment in toxic relationships
“Feeling guilty doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.” — how manipulated guilt keeps you stuck
“You can love someone and still walk away.” — choosing emotional freedom over fantasy
“The apology you're waiting for probably isn’t coming. Heal anyway.” — reclaiming closure on your own terms

These are more than just quotes. They’re turning points. Because sometimes, all it takes is one honest phrase to start unraveling years of confusion and pain. Subscribe so you don't miss part two!

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Brain vs. Gut: The Ultimate Showdown Inside Covert Narcissistic Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 27 Apr 2025 17:00:00 +0000

Covert narcissism sends you spinning into cognitive dissonance circles! But your brain and your gut were never supposed to be enemies. They're both trying to protect you—just in different ways. Healing begins when they stop arguing and start working together, guiding you out of the confusion and back into clarity.

Key Takeaways:

Covert abuse hijacks your logic and intuition.
Your gut has always known the truth—you just needed your brain to stop making excuses.
Healing starts when you trust yourself enough to stop gaslighting your own feelings.

If you've ever felt torn between what your brain tells you and what your gut knows deep down, this episode is for you.

💬 Your story matters, and you deserve to be heard without judgment.
If you’re ready to take the next step toward healing, check out my coaching services at [your website]. And don’t forget to subscribe for more episodes where we mix truth, healing, and just a little bit of sarcasm—because sometimes, laughter really is the best medicine.

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Breaking Free from Guilt in Narcissistic Relationships with Jerry Wise, Part Two

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 24 Apr 2025 20:00:00 +0000

In this part two conversation, Renee Swanson and Jerry Wise delve into the complexities of covert narcissism, exploring the impact of guilt in relationships with narcissistic individuals. They discuss the importance of self-focus and reframing one's internal environment to foster healing and personal growth. The dialogue emphasizes that it is never too late to reclaim oneself and that closure comes from within, not from external validation.

Takeaways

Guilt often stems from family dynamics, especially with narcissistic parents.
It's crucial to distinguish between true guilt and family guilt.
Reclaiming oneself is possible at any age.
The closure we seek comes from within, not from others.
Self-focus is essential for healing from narcissistic relationships.
Understanding the systems dynamics can help in recognizing unhealthy patterns.
It's important to accept where you are in your healing journey.
You don't need the approval of dysfunctional family members to change.
Reframing our thoughts can create a healthier internal environment.
Humor can be a coping mechanism for dealing with narcissistic abuse.

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You Are Not Your Programming: Healing the Narcissistic Wound with Jerry Wise, Part One

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 20 Apr 2025 17:00:00 +0000

In this part one of two conversation, Renee Swanson and Jerry Wise delve into the complexities of narcissism and the concept of self-differentiation. Jerry shares his extensive experience in family systems therapy and explains how self-differentiation allows individuals to grow into their true selves without absorbing the toxicity of others. They discuss the loss of self often experienced by those raised in narcissistic families, the internal messages that keep individuals stuck, and the distinctions between healthy and unhealthy guilt and shame. The conversation emphasizes the importance of personal growth and healing in overcoming the effects of narcissism.

Takeaways

Self-differentiation is crucial for personal growth.
Narcissistic families often hinder the development of a true self.
Healing involves getting rid of family programming. Shame and guilt can be healthy or unhealthy.
It's important to separate true feelings from system feelings.
You can maintain relationships with narcissistic individuals by understanding your own identity.
Self-love is essential for healing.
Many feelings of unworthiness stem from family dysfunction.
Understanding the difference between guilt types is vital for emotional health.
You are not responsible for the programming you received from your family.

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From Falling Apart to Fighting Back: A Raw Divorce Story with Andrea from How Not to Suck at Divorce

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 17 Apr 2025 21:00:00 +0000

What happens when the fairy tale was never a fairy tale to begin with?

In this powerful episode, Renee Swanson is joined by Andrea, the candid and courageous voice behind the hit podcast How Not to Suck at Divorce. Andrea doesn’t just share her story—she lays it all out. The red flags she ignored. The justifications she clung to. The slow unraveling of her identity. The physical collapse that finally forced her to confront the truth.

Together, Renee and Andrea dive deep into:

The invisible trauma of covert emotional abuse
How your childhood shapes the dysfunction you tolerate
The cost of trying to “make it work” while losing yourself
Why the hardest part isn’t leaving—it’s everything that comes after
The importance of creating a plan... and what happens when it all falls apart

Andrea’s brutal honesty, dark humor, and heartfelt wisdom remind us that healing starts with bravery—and that no matter how broken you feel, there is a way through.

💬 “Your life will never get better unless you get brave.” — Andrea

This episode is a must-listen for anyone feeling stuck, scared, or unsure about whether change is even possible. You’re not alone. And your future can look nothing like your past.

👉 Listen now—and get ready to feel seen.
👉 Then hop over to How Not to Suck at Divorce for even more practical tools and fierce support.

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Conversations I Wish I Had with My Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 13 Apr 2025 16:00:00 +0000

In this episode, we’re diving into the conversations I wish I could have had with the covert narcissist in my life. The words I rehearsed but never said. The truths I buried for the sake of “keeping the peace.” The sarcasm I bit back. The boundaries I swallowed. All of it. Because sometimes, the only way to make sense of the madness that is covert narcissistic abuse is to talk it out—even if it’s only in your own head.

We’re pulling back the curtain on:

The emotional minefield of everyday life with a covert narcissist
The way gaslighting turns simple moments into emotional warfare
The mental gymnastics of the “circular conversation”
The rage that gets disguised as “just a rough day”
The slow erosion of your voice when you’re always managing their emotions

You’ll hear my real thoughts—the ones I kept silent because saying them out loud would’ve meant inviting more chaos, more blame, more confusion. But here? We say them. We say them all.

This isn’t just about venting. It’s about reclaiming the space to name what happened, to validate the version of reality you know you experienced, and to remind you that you’re not crazy. You’re not too sensitive. You’re not imagining it. You’re waking up.

So grab your tea, your journal, or just a quiet moment in your car, and let’s process together. Because your voice matters. Even if it’s shaking. Even if it’s only just starting to come back.

✨ Leave this episode knowing:
You don’t have to keep tapdancing around someone else’s dysfunction to be worthy of love, safety, or peace.
You get to stop shrinking.
You get to stop rehearsing.
You get to heal.

—

🔗 Want support on your healing journey?
Your story matters, and you deserve to be heard without judgment. If you’re ready to take the next step toward healing, check out my coaching services at www.covertnarcissism.com. And don’t forget to subscribe for more empowering episodes like this one.

#covertnarcissism #gaslighting #emotionalabuse #covertnarcissist #healingjourney #narcissisticabuserecovery #reclaimyourvoice #podcastforsurvivors

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The Journey of Healing: What It Really Looks Like After Covert Narcissistic Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 10 Apr 2025 22:00:00 +0000

At the end of every episode, I say, “I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing.” But today, I want to pause and really talk about what that journey actually looks like—because healing from covert narcissistic abuse isn’t what most people think.

When I first left, I believed healing meant I’d wake up one day and magically stop hurting. I thought it meant I’d feel strong and peaceful all the time. Instead, I felt confused, angry, exhausted… and sometimes even guilty for walking away.

What I didn’t know then—but deeply understand now—is that healing isn’t a return to who you were before. That version of you doesn’t exist anymore. And that’s not a tragedy—it’s a transformation. Healing is not going back—it’s becoming.

In this episode, I take you inside the real healing process: the grief, the guilt, the spiral staircase of progress. I unpack what we’re actually healing from—the chronic invalidation, emotional starvation, and deep erosion of self-worth that doesn’t leave bruises but leaves a lasting impact.

You'll hear examples that hit home, like standing in the grocery store frozen by the realization that you don’t have to buy his favorite cereal anymore. Or crying in the bathroom because someone raised their voice, and it took you back. You’ll also hear what healing becomes: the moment you say no without explaining, the first night you sleep peacefully, the sound of your own laugh returning after years of silence.

We’ll talk about:

Why healing is not linear—and why that’s okay
What it means to be on the healing path, even when it doesn’t feel like it
How to recognize those quiet signs that you are making progress
Why “being healed” isn’t a final destination—it’s a way of being
And why grieving who you had to be to survive is part of the process too

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why can’t I just move on already?”—this episode is for you. Because you’re not broken. You’re healing. And that journey deserves to be seen, honored, and spoken about with truth and tenderness.

🔔 Listen now and remember: Healing is happening inside of you, even on the days it feels invisible.

As always, I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing—because it’s real, it’s sacred, and so are you.

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The Invisible Parent: When Love Does the Work and Lies Get the Credit

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 6 Apr 2025 21:28:41 +0000

In this raw and emotional episode, we’re diving deep into one of the most devastating dynamics in families with a covert narcissist: when the parent doing all the emotional labor is unseen, while the other parent gets all the praise.

We unpack the covert narcissist’s relentless need for supply and scapegoats—and how this manipulative cycle plays out not just with their partner, but with their children. You’ll hear the heartbreaking truth of what it feels like to be the steady, loving, rule-setting parent while your kids are pulled toward the fun, charming, and performative parent who barely shows up... until the cameras are on.

This episode is for the parents who make the lunches, wipe the tears, stay up worrying, enforce the rules, and still get painted as the “problem.” It’s for the ones who feel erased, blamed, and heartbroken.

You’re not alone—and you’re not invisible.

Tune in for validation, practical healing tools, and the reminder that your love leaves a lasting mark, even if your children can’t see it right now. The truth will rise.

To the invisible parent: You are the anchor. You are the lighthouse. And one day, they will know.

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Radical Personal Responsibility

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 3 Apr 2025 21:44:59 +0000

I often get asked:
•Why did this happen to me?
•How did I get here?
•How do I prevent it from ever happening again?
•How do I heal from this?
These are excellent questions and they are very related to each other. Why did this happen to me has a whole lot to do with how do I prevent it from ever happening again. How did I get here is tied closely with how do I heal from this.
You need to know about Radical Personal Responsibility - Your special weapon that is unreachable for narcissistic individuals.
Taking control of your own internal world is absolutely one of your greatest tools and something that covert narcissists can never do!! I want to explain this tool to you and then teach you how to use it. The first step is to become aware of your autopilot!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
•Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
•Are you searching for people who get it?
•Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
•Are you running in circles in your mind?
•Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
•Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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You Wanna See My Bruises? Look at My Kids

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 30 Mar 2025 17:00:00 +0000

Not all bruises are visible—and some of the deepest ones live in the hearts of our children.

In this powerful episode, we talk about the unseen wounds of emotional abuse, especially when you're parenting alongside a covert narcissist. What happens when the world only believes abuse if they can see it? What happens to the children growing up in that invisible war zone?

If you’ve ever felt dismissed because your scars weren’t physical, or if you’re watching your children carry emotional weight no child should bear, this episode will speak to your soul. You’ll hear validation, truth, and hope for healing—for you and for your kids.

This one’s for the parent who keeps showing up, even when no one sees how hard it is. You are not alone. And your love is rewriting their story.

🎙️ Tune in now—and please, share this with someone who needs to know: their story matters too.

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The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist with Debbie Mirza

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Fri, 28 Mar 2025 15:29:29 +0000

What a privilege it is to introduce to you Debbie Mirza! She is best-selling author of the book "The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist," one of the first books I ever read that opened my eyes to the nightmare that I was living. This book is an amazing resource for gaining awareness and understanding of covert narcissism.
Her second book "Worthy of Love' presents a gentle and restorative path to healing after narcissistic abuse. Debbie is a beautiful testimony that healing is possible and thriving is obtainable.
Debbie has such a gentle and tender heart for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Her gentle spirit and empowering strength are so encouraging and inspiring. She shows us all that it is possible to stand up for and protect yourself and yet maintain that kind and compassionate self that we all desire to be.
To learn more about Debbie's work, visit www.debbiemirza.com
June 1 is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day. In honor of that day, for the entire month of June, I am offering all individual sessions with at a discounted rate of $99 per hour. We can meet once or we can meet as many times as you want. If you would like to take advantage of this offer, shoot me an email at renee@cnglifecoaching.com
I also want to take a quick moment and remind you that my next round of group sessions is beginning on May 31. I only have a few spots left in these groups. You can choose between Tuesday mornings or Saturday mornings. Each group runs for 6 weeks. We meet for 2 hours on Zoom each week. You receive handouts and worksheets each week. Each group consists of 10 group members, who just like you are struggling through a relationship with a covert narcissist. It is incredibly empowering to work in a group setting where you receive so much validation for the pain, confusion and doubt that you are experiencing. If you want one of these few spots remaining, please do not hesitate to contact me. These groups will fill up.

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When Grey Rocking Backfires: How to Protect Your Peace with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 23 Mar 2025 17:00:00 +0000

Have you ever tried to Grey Rock a covert narcissist—only to watch it completely blow up in your face? You stayed neutral, kept your answers short, and avoided reacting… but somehow, things escalated anyway.

In this episode, we dive deep into why Grey Rocking often backfires with a covert narcissist, and how to use it in a smarter, safer, and more strategic way. You'll learn how covert narcissists twist neutrality into rejection, how they bait you into reacting, and how to avoid giving them emotional fuel—without triggering more manipulation.

We’ll break down:

Why covert narcissists hate emotional detachment
The difference between effective Grey Rocking and silent stonewalling
How to use “disguised disengagement” to shut down manipulation
When NOT to Grey Rock—and what to do instead

If you’re trying to break free from covert narcissistic abuse and protect your emotional energy, this episode is for you.

Tune in now and learn how to outsmart the manipulation—without losing your peace.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Divorcing a Covert Narcissist: Is a Healthy Split Possible?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Fri, 21 Mar 2025 12:00:00 +0000

Is a peaceful divorce possible when dealing with a covert narcissist? In this eye-opening episode, I sit down with high-conflict divorce coach Eleanor Marks to unpack the complexities of separation from a covert narcissist. We dive into the concept of radical acceptance—understanding the reality of your situation and adjusting your expectations accordingly. If you're navigating a high-conflict divorce or struggling to co-parent with a covert narcissist, this conversation will provide clarity, validation, and practical steps to regain your power.

🔹 Can a divorce ever be “healthy” with a covert narcissist?
🔹 How radical acceptance can shift your approach
🔹 Strategies to protect yourself emotionally and legally

Your freedom starts with knowledge—tune in now!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Reactive Abuse: When Survivors Get Blamed for Their Pain

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 16:00:00 +0000

Imagine being pushed, prodded, and ignored—until you finally snap. Then suddenly, you’re the problem. Sound familiar?

In this episode, we’re diving deep into reactive abuse—one of the most insidious tactics covert narcissists use to flip the script and make survivors question their reality. I’ll share real-life stories—both from childhood and marriage—illustrating how this pattern plays out, how narcissists provoke reactions only to play the victim, and why your reaction does not make you the abuser.

If you’ve ever been told, “Wow, you’re the crazy one,” or “You really have anger issues,” after finally standing up for yourself—this episode is for you. Let’s dismantle the shame and reclaim your truth.

You are not alone. Your reactions don’t define you. And you deserve to heal.

Subscribe now and don’t miss next week’s deep dive on the Grey Rock method!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

When Your Adult Child is a Covert Narcissist: A Parent’s Dilemma with Dr. Mazzella

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 13 Mar 2025 18:48:08 +0000

In this powerful Part Two of the two-part series with Dr. Anthony Mazzella and Renee Swanson, we shift perspectives. In part one, we discussed the adult child uncovering a covert narcissistic parent, and this is featured on The Narcissism Decoder. Now we shift to the parent who realizes their adult child exhibits covert narcissistic behaviors.

Dr. Mazzella, a seasoned psychotherapist and psychoanalyst, brings his expertise in to explore the emotional turmoil, self-doubt, and painful realities parents face when confronted with this harsh truth. Together, we unpack the deep-seated psychological mechanisms that drive covert narcissism, the role of early relationship failures, and how unresolved emotional wounds shape an insatiable need for validation.

This episode offers a compassionate yet realistic discussion on:
🔹 The emotional toll on parents who recognize covert narcissistic traits in their adult children
🔹 How early relational patterns influence a child’s ability to give and receive care
🔹 The internal struggles of a covert narcissist and their unrelenting need for external validation
🔹 Strategies for parents navigating this painful dynamic—when to help, when to set boundaries, and when to step back

If you’ve struggled with feelings of guilt, confusion, or helplessness in your relationship with an emotionally manipulative adult child, this episode provides the clarity and support you need.

You can find part one on The Narcissism Decoder - https://www.drmazzella.com/the-narcissism-decoder-podcast/

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When They Won’t Let You Walk Away—Breaking Free from Circular Conversations

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 9 Mar 2025 17:00:00 +0000

In this episode, Renee Swanson discusses the challenges of dealing with circular conversations with covert narcissists. She explains how these conversations can trap individuals in a cycle of emotional manipulation and coercive control. Renee provides strategies for disengaging from these conversations, setting boundaries, and reclaiming personal space and power. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing unhealthy relationship dynamics and encourages listeners to seek help and support for their healing journey.

Takeaways

You deserve to be heard and have space.
Covert narcissists use circular conversations to manipulate.
Resolution is not the goal for covert narcissists.
Stopping a circular conversation requires awareness and boundaries.
The gray rock method can backfire with narcissists.
Use neutral but not cold responses to avoid escalation.
Blocking your exit is a form of coercive control.
You have the right to feel safe in your own home.
Documenting your experiences can help in seeking support.
Use calm times to strategize and find resources.

Chapters

00:00 Understanding Circular Conversations with Covert Narcissists

04:12 The Manipulative Nature of Covert Narcissism

10:56 Recognizing Coercive Control and Setting Boundaries

16:19 Taking Action: Documenting and Seeking Help

#CovertNarcissism #EmotionalAbuse #BreakingFree #ToxicRelationships #HealingJourney

Keywords

covert narcissism, circular conversations, emotional manipulation, coercive control, relationship advice, self-protection, boundaries, healing, emotional health, narcissistic abuse

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Married to My Mother: Unraveling the Effects of a Narcissistic Family

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 6 Mar 2025 22:01:30 +0000

What happens when the very dynamics that shaped your childhood follow you into adulthood—into your marriage, friendships, and even your career? In this episode, Mindy shares her eye-opening realization that she married a version of her narcissistic mother and how her upbringing with both a covert narcissistic mom and an abusive father left her trapped in cycles of self-doubt, hypervigilance, and struggle. We’ll explore how childhood conditioning makes us perfect targets for love bombing, why receiving even the smallest gift puts us in a tailspin, and how deep-seated beliefs of unworthiness shape our adult relationships. If you’ve ever wondered What the hell happened to my family?—this episode is for you.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Walking on Eggshells: Why Even Simple Conversations Turn Toxic with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 2 Mar 2025 18:00:00 +0000

Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling drained, confused, or even doubting yourself? Do you feel like every attempt at connection turns into an argument, a guilt trip, or complete silence? You’re not alone.

Talking to a covert narcissist isn’t like talking to anyone else. Simple, everyday questions—What do you want for dinner? How was your day?—can be met with sighs, irritation, or even the silent treatment. And when it comes to deeper conversations, the dynamic becomes even more exhausting.

In this episode, we’re unpacking why conversations with a covert narcissist feel impossible. From dismissive one-word answers to twisted words and subtle control tactics, we’ll break down the communication patterns that leave you feeling unheard, defensive, and emotionally drained.

Most importantly, we’ll explore what you can do to protect your energy, set boundaries, and reclaim your voice.

If you’ve ever found yourself questioning, Why am I like this only with them?—this episode is for you.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Silent Grip: Growing Up with a Covert Narcissistic Father

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 27 Feb 2025 23:25:31 +0000

What happens when a father’s love comes with invisible strings? In this episode, I dive into the hidden dynamics of covert narcissistic fathers—the ones who never yell, never hit, but control through silent treatment, guilt, and quiet punishment. If you grew up feeling like your worth was tied to achievements, if you feared disappointing a parent who never truly accepted you, this episode is for you.

We'll explore the emotional abuse that comes from covert narcissistic parenting, how their subtle manipulation impacts your sense of self, and the difficult yet necessary journey of breaking free from covert narcissism. This isn’t about destroying your relationship with your parent. It is about discovering your relationship with yourself!

If you’ve ever questioned whether your parent’s love was unconditional or transactional, this conversation will help you see the truth—and reclaim your own happiness.

Your story matters. If this episode resonates, check out my Individual Healing Program at covertnarcissism.com to start your journey toward freedom, self-acceptance, and emotional healing.

#CovertNarcissism #CovertNarcissist #CovertNarcissisticAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #HealingFromNarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticBehavior #Gaslighting #BreakingFreeFromCovertNarcissism

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I Don’t Want the Stupid Cheesecake: Why “Nice” Gestures From a Covert Narcissist Feel So Wrong

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 23 Feb 2025 18:00:00 +0000

In this eye-opening episode, we dive deep into the painful reality behind “kind” gestures that aren’t kind at all. When a homemade cheesecake or a perfectly crafted cup of coffee is offered by someone who’s spent years neglecting your needs, it can feel like a calculated move—a manipulation tactic meant to keep you tethered to your old wounds.

Through raw storytelling and a “Choose Your Own Adventure” narrative, you’ll hear firsthand how these token gestures, far from mending the past, often serve as a reminder of every invalidating moment and boundary crossed. This episode isn’t just about the seemingly small acts; it’s about reclaiming your power, trusting your gut, and choosing your own path toward healing.

If you’ve ever felt that a sweet gesture was really an insult in disguise, this episode is for you. Listen in for an honest conversation about emotional abuse, the traps of covert narcissism, and the critical steps to rebuild your life on your own terms. Your journey to healing starts here.

Take the next step in your healing: If you’re ready to break free and reclaim your life, check out my coaching services at www.covertnarcissism.com. You deserve more than crumbs. ❤️

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Why Forgiving and Forgetting Doesn’t Erase the Pain of Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 20 Feb 2025 17:00:00 +0000

Many of us have been taught to focus on the good—to think about whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable and to not judge. These are not bad lessons to live by, but do they apply to our spouse in a toxic relationship? Or are we unintentionally ignoring red flags in covert narcissistic abuse?

In this episode, we explore:
🔹 How focusing only on the good enables covert narcissistic behavior
🔹 The confusion and emotional turmoil of benefiting from the good while suffering from the bad
🔹 How your self-reflection gets used against you
🔹 How cognitive empathy (not real empathy) is used as a tool by covert narcissists
🔹 Why ignoring the bad doesn’t make it disappear—and what to do instead

If you’ve ever struggled with forgiving and forgetting, convincing yourself to focus on the good while ignoring the damage, working extra hard to not judge, this episode is for YOU. It will give you clarity and validation.

#CovertNarcissism #NarcissisticAbuse #Gaslighting #EmotionalAbuse #RecognizingCovertNarcissism #HealingFromNarcissisticAbuse #ToxicPositivity #FaithAndHealing #ForgiveButDontForget #ReclaimYourTruth

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert Narcissists Control the Narrative

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 16 Feb 2025 18:40:34 +0000

Have you ever felt like your reality was rewritten right before your eyes? Covert narcissists are experts at controlling the narrative, erasing your perspective, dismissing your feelings, manipulating reality, and shaping how others see you. This is a key tactic in covert narcissistic abuse, leaving victims feeling unheard, invalidated, and questioning their own sanity.

In this episode, we break down:
🔹 Signs of covert narcissism and how they erase your perspective
🔹 The sneaky ways they use gaslighting in relationships to distort the truth
🔹 How they manipulate others with covert narcissistic behavior
🔹 Tips for dealing with a covert narcissist and reclaiming your truth

If you’ve ever felt like your story is being rewritten, you’re not alone. Recognizing covert narcissism is the first step toward breaking free and healing.

Tune in now and learn how to take back control. Your story matters. Your voice matters. 💙

#CovertNarcissism #Gaslighting #CovertNarcissisticAbuse #RecognizingCovertNarcissism #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #BreakingFreeFromCovertNarcissism #EmotionalAbuse #ReclaimYourTruth #SettingBoundaries

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The True Intentions of the Covert Narcissist (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Fri, 14 Feb 2025 01:21:57 +0000

Have you ever tried to figure out someone’s true intentions? Have you been suspicious of the intentions behind one’s behaviors? Have you ever asked yourself, Yeah but what do they really want?
Covert narcissists hide their true intentions. You can feel this when you talk with them. Something just doesn’t feel quite right. It doesn’t feel genuine. Everything they do and say has a hidden agenda. What is that agenda? What are their true intentions?

The true intentions of a covert narcissistic person are:
•to rely on others to build them up, to build their self-esteem
•to earn compliments and recognition
•to gain admiration and the feeling of being important
•to confirm that they are better or higher in status than you
•to create confusion in others so they can maintain their superior confidence over your obvious inferiority
•to win your apologies and continue to boost their superiority
•to validate that they are a good person

How do we know this? How can you identify it in your own situation? What do you do about it?
To join our upcoming group coaching session, reach out to me at renee@covertnarcissism.com or renee@cnglifecoaching.com
For more information on the group sessions, visit https://www.covertnarcissism.com/group-session

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The Silent Signals: How Covert Narcissists Use Nonverbal Communication to Control

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 9 Feb 2025 18:28:09 +0000

Have you ever felt like you were walking on eggshells, analyzing every glance, every sigh, every subtle shift in body language—just trying to figure out what went wrong this time?

Covert narcissists don’t always use words to manipulate, dismiss, or control. Sometimes, their most powerful weapon is silence itself. A heavy sigh, an eye roll, a dismissive shrug—these small, seemingly insignificant gestures carry messages that cut deep. And when words and actions don’t align, you’re left questioning your own reality.

In this episode, I share a deeply personal story of how nonverbal communication was used to control, punish, and erode my sense of self—without a single word being spoken. We’ll uncover:
🔹 The subtle nonverbal cues that signal arrogance, entitlement, and silent disapproval.
🔹 How covert narcissists use body language to gaslight and emotionally withdraw.
🔹 The devastating impact of this form of manipulation—and how to spot the red flags.
🔹 The key differences between genuine nonverbal communication and the learned, performative gestures of a narcissist.
🔹 How to protect yourself, set boundaries, and reclaim your sense of reality.

If their words say, “I love you,” but their body language screams, “You don’t matter,” you are not imagining it. The mixed signals are real, and you deserve clarity.

Listen now to break free from the silent manipulation and start trusting what you feel—not just what they say. Subscribe for more insights on covert narcissism and healing

Because your story matters, and you deserve to be heard—without judgment. 💙

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Nothing Was Ever Good Enough: Growing Up with a Covert Narcissistic Mother

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Fri, 7 Feb 2025 03:41:39 +0000

After a family vacation that he thought was a wonderful family trip, Justin’s covert narcissistic mother pulled him aside to tell him how disappointed she was in him. What he saw as a very balanced and enjoyable trip, she only saw that she did not get enough attention and focus from his wife and him. She pushed her unhappiness onto them.

Growing up with a covert narcissistic parent, you experience extreme amounts of gaslighting, blame shifting, and passive aggressive behavior. Unknown to you, this often causes you, the child, to doubt yourself and work hard to do everything perfectly. However, you still never seem to be good enough, which often manifests as a core of shame.

Moving into adulthood it is crucial to work through those trapped feelings and learn to set boundaries with this parent. If you resonate with this story and are struggling to get out from under the grasp of a covert narcissistic parent, please reach out today. You do not have to do this alone! Support is crucial as you work through the craziness! I wish you so much peace.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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The Most Outlandish Things the Covert Narcissist Has Done

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 2 Feb 2025 17:00:00 +0000

Have you ever looked back on something a covert narcissist did and thought, Did that really just happen? In this episode, we’re diving into the most jaw-dropping, mind-bending, and downright bizarre behaviors of covert narcissists. These behaviors are so absurd that they leave you questioning reality. If you’ve experienced the surreal world of covert narcissistic abuse, this episode is for you.

Your story matters. Share your experience and connect with others on the path to healing.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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From Fixer to Free: Breaking the Cycle of a Narcissistic Mother’s Influence

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Fri, 31 Jan 2025 02:15:00 +0000

Growing up with a covert narcissistic mother can set the stage for a lifetime of fixing, pleasing, and sacrificing your own needs. In this episode, Cara shares her journey of living under the shadow of covert narcissism and how it shaped her identity as a fixer and a people pleaser. From the unfillable emotional hole left by her mother to the toxic relationships she found herself drawn to, we explore how covert narcissistic abuse created patterns she didn’t even realize she was repeating.

Cara discusses the moment of clarity when she asked her mother to see a therapist with her—and her mother’s hurtful refusal that left her questioning her own sanity. Through inner child healing and learning to be her own anchor, she has taken steps to break the cycle and create a life of freedom, peace, and self-love.

If you’ve ever felt trapped in a cycle of toxic relationships and struggle to heal from a narcissistic parent, this episode is for you. Let’s talk about reclaiming your life, setting boundaries, and finally putting yourself first.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Keywords: covert narcissism, covert narcissistic mother, narcissistic abuse, people pleaser, codependency, inner child healing, breaking free from covert narcissism, emotional abuse recovery, toxic relationships, self-love and healing.

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From Self-Doubt to Confidence: Empowered Responses to Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 26 Jan 2025 17:00:00 +0000

How Healing Transforms Your Responses to a Covert Narcissist

Healing doesn’t change the covert narcissist. It changes YOU! Healing transforms your responses and reactions to their abusive tactics. This episode of Covert Narcissism Podcast explores how healing empowers victims to break free from the quicksand of covert narcissistic abuse and reclaim their confidence.

Through relatable examples, we uncover the subtle but destructive tactics covert narcissists use to manipulate and control. You’ll hear how interactions that seem innocent at first—like dismissing your achievements or denying your reality—can leave you questioning yourself and spiraling into self-doubt.

But here’s the good news: it doesn’t have to stay this way. Healing transforms your responses, shifting the dynamic from reactive and self-doubting to calm, clear, and empowered.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

How to deal with a covert narcissist spouse or partner when they dismiss your achievements, gaslight you, or criticize your efforts.
How healing from covert narcissistic abuse empowers you to respond with confidence rather than defensiveness.
The difference between pre-healing reactions—like over-apologizing or seeking their approval—and post-healing responses that prioritize your well-being.
Real-life examples of navigating common scenarios, including criticism, gaslighting, silent treatment, and emotional outbursts.

This episode will help you recognize the patterns of covert narcissism, understand why their behavior is not your fault, and inspire you to start or continue your healing journey. Healing doesn’t change the covert narcissist, but it transforms how you respond to their manipulation—setting you free from their control and rebuilding your self-worth.

Whether you’re just starting to understand covert narcissism or deep into your recovery, this episode offers valuable insights and actionable advice to help you thrive.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Parenting the Parent: Healing as an Adult Child of a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 23 Jan 2025 20:45:34 +0000

Have you ever felt like you missed out on your childhood because you were too busy parenting
your own parent? This episode of Covert Narcissism Podcast dives deep into the hidden trauma of parentification—a heartbreaking dynamic where children take on adult responsibilities to meet the emotional or physical needs of their caregivers, especially covert narcissistic parents.
Growing up as the emotional support system, household manager, or peacekeeper in a volatile
home leaves lasting scars. Many adult children of covert narcissists share similar experiences:
managing their parent’s emotions, walking on eggshells to avoid conflict, or being praised only
when their achievements made the parent look good. These children often internalize guilt, low
self-esteem, and the belief that they are responsible for fixing others’ problems—a mindset that can persist well into adulthood.
In this episode, we uncover:

What is parentification? The difference between instrumental parentification (cooking,
cleaning, managing tasks) and emotional parentification (being your parent’s therapist or
confidant).
Real-life examples of how covert narcissistic parents burden their children with adult
responsibilities, leaving them to miss out on the carefree joy of childhood.
The long-term effects of growing up with a covert narcissistic parent, from difficulty
trusting others to struggles with self-worth and parenting their own children.
Healing and reclaiming your life, including setting boundaries, processing trauma, and
embracing the childhood joy you never had.
If you grew up feeling like your worth was tied to your parent’s approval or you’re still carrying
the emotional weight of their needs, this episode will resonate deeply. You’ll gain insights into
why you feel this way and actionable steps to heal and break the cycle.
Tune in and learn how to turn your pain into wisdom, rebuild your confidence, and create a life
rooted in self-love and emotional freedom. Your story matters, and healing is possible. Listen
now!

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Unmasking Narcissism: Breaking the Confusion of Covert Narcissism, Part Two

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 19 Jan 2025 17:00:00 +0000

Unmasking the Types of Narcissism: Traits, Motivations, and Hidden Patterns

Narcissism comes in many forms, each with distinct traits and motivations. Grandiose narcissists thrive on superiority and admiration, while vulnerable narcissists seek validation and sympathy to mask their fragile self-esteem. Malignant narcissists combine narcissistic traits with antisocial behavior and a drive for domination, whereas communal narcissists gain admiration by presenting as altruistic and caring. Somatic narcissists focus on physical attractiveness for affirmation, and cerebral narcissists pursue validation through intellectual superiority and disdain for others’ capabilities.

But where does covert narcissism fit in? It’s not its own category but rather a subtle way these narcissistic traits appear. Covert narcissists may quietly manipulate, playing the victim or expressing passive-aggressive entitlement, making them harder to identify. In this episode, we break down these narcissistic types and explain how covert narcissism weaves through them, helping you recognize and navigate these destructive patterns.

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The Effects of Projections and Expectations (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 16 Jan 2025 17:00:00 +0000

Since you are here listening to this, you have probably done some amount of research into narcissism. By now, you have probably run into the word projection as it relates to narcissism.
A relationship that is built on projections and expectations is a relationship that is doomed to struggle. I talk about this a lot in my group coaching program, but I have realized that I have never done a podcast episode on it. It is definitely time!
Let’s define what projection is. It is the process of misinterpreting what is on the inside of us as coming from the outside of us. Most people refer to projection as what the narcissistic person does, and they certainly do. However, projection is not limited to them. It affects all of us.
Good people project their goodness onto others and bad people project their badness. Good people expect good behavior from others and bad people expect bad behavior from others.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Unmasking Narcissism Part One: Breaking the Confusion of Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 12 Jan 2025 17:00:00 +0000

Narcissistic behavior can leave a trail of emotional devastation, much like a tornado tearing through lives and relationships. But what happens when these traits hide in plain sight? In this episode, we uncover the truth about covert narcissism, explaining how it’s not a standalone category but a subtle way narcissistic traits from any type—grandiose, vulnerable, malignant, and more—manifest. From passive-aggressive manipulation to the constant victim narrative, covert narcissists are often the hardest to recognize, leaving their victims confused and questioning their reality.

Dive deeper into the different types of narcissism, their traits, and motivations, and learn how to spot the covert tactics that wreak havoc in relationships. With actionable tips for recognizing, addressing, and healing from covert narcissistic abuse, this episode equips you with the knowledge to protect yourself and rebuild your confidence. Whether you’re living with a covert narcissist or recovering from emotional abuse, understanding these dynamics is your first step toward freedom and healing.

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My Muck Sweeping Broom (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 9 Jan 2025 17:00:00 +0000

I was SO good at sweeping things under the rug! I could take any huge bad things that happened and just make it disappear. Do you know what I mean? Have you ever experienced this? Maybe you have heard this phrase before and don’t really know what it’s talking about. I am going to explain it right here and give you personal examples from my world.

I recently realized that the broom I used the most actually has a title. Here’s what I mean. Sweeping things under the rug refers to all the times that we make excuses for someone’s bad behavior. We don’t hold them accountable for what they have said or done. We push it aside and move on. Some refer to this as forgive and forget. We might try to pretend it never happened. We convince ourselves that this person didn’t mean it or was having a bad day or any other excuse we can come up with.
Well, my broom that I recently discovered was that All marriages have problems. I could erase any bad behavior with this broom, sweep it right away. Whoosh, under the rug it goes. What broom are you using?

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How Victim Blaming Silences Survivors of Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 5 Jan 2025 17:00:00 +0000

Imagine finally opening up about the emotional abuse you’ve endured, only to be met with harsh judgments, dismissive comments, or cruel accusations that make you doubt yourself even more. Victim blaming doesn’t just hurt—it silences, isolates, and strengthens the grip of the abuser.

In this episode, I unpack the devastating impact of victim blaming on survivors of covert narcissistic abuse. From dismissive remarks like “Why didn’t you just leave?” to outright accusations that invalidate your experience, we explore how these responses deepen the wounds of those already suffering.

If you’ve ever felt unseen, unheard, or blamed for your own pain, this episode is for you. I address:
💔 Common victim-blaming statements and their harmful effects.
🤝 How to find safe spaces to share your story without judgment.
✨ Practical ways to reclaim your narrative and start healing.

To those who may not fully understand, this is your chance to learn how empathy and compassion can truly make a difference.

Your story matters. You deserve to be heard, not blamed. 💜

👉 Tune in now to break the silence and join the movement toward healing and understanding.

Ready to take the next step? Explore my coaching services at covertnarcissism.com
Subscribe for more empowering episodes to guide your journey to peace and freedom.

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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Starting Your New Life, Guest episode with Michelle

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Fri, 3 Jan 2025 04:00:02 +0000

Michelle shares her story after decades with a covert narcissist. As a stay at home mom, she was not allowed to work outside the home. He maintained his control over her in this way. Step by step, she put a plan in place and worked towards her freedom, which is now becoming her reality.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Choosing to Stay and Navigate Life with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 29 Dec 2024 17:00:00 +0000

I cringe every time I hear someone ask a victim of covert narcissism why they are still there or why they haven’t left. It’s an okay question in the right circumstances. But it is a crushing question in the wrong situation.

In the wrong conversation, this becomes victim blaming.

You aren’t strong enough to stand up for yourself.

You don’t love yourself enough.

You chose this so that’s on you.

If you decide to stay, I can’t help you.

These statements and these attitudes are so painful to someone who is already living in an incredibly painful situation. Making them feel worse is not going to help. When I am in a coaching situation and someone tells me that they really want to stay. I understand this, because so did I. So let’s talk about it.

For those who have left, that was an incredibly tough decision to make. But I want you to understand that for those who stay, this is an equally tough decision to make. To everyone listening who has chosen to stay in their marriage with a covert narcissist, I want you to know this: you are not alone. Your choice to stay is not a measure of your strength or worth. It is simply the path you are on right now, and there is no shame in that.

Continue to take care of yourself. Protect your peace. And remember, you have the power to revisit this decision whenever you feel the need. Life is a journey, and you are walking it with courage every single day.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Your New Year of Freedom: Reclaiming You After Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 26 Dec 2024 17:00:00 +0000

For survivors of covert narcissistic abuse, the New Year can feel overwhelming—another reminder of time lost and dreams unfulfilled. But this year can mark the start of something new: freedom, healing, and renewal.

In this heartfelt episode, I share how I transitioned from merely surviving to truly living—reclaiming peace in my home, my heart, and my mind. I’ll provide practical steps to help you let go of emotional burdens, set boundaries, and embrace small, meaningful joys.

The life you deserve—a life of peace, connection, and freedom—is possible. Let this be the year you step forward, one small moment at a time.

"You are stronger than you know, and this is your year to let go, to heal, and to rise."

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Intimacy Issues with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 22 Dec 2024 17:00:00 +0000

Today, I want to talk to you about a question that lingers in the hearts of so many: Why can’t I feel intimate with my partner? Let me assure you, you’re not alone in asking this. Intimacy, that deep connection we all crave, can feel impossible when you’re caught in the web of emotional abuse.

Victims of covert abuse spend years wondering what is wrong with them.

Why am I not more sexually attracted to my partner?

We go to the doctor to learn what is wrong with us.

We try medications and hormones. We try stress reduction and eating healthier.

We try to just force our way through it.

But nothing seems to work!

This is because you are having a very normal reaction to a person that does not feel safe to you. A covert narcissist's impact on intimacy is profound and often heartbreaking. Intimacy requires trust, vulnerability, and emotional safety. These qualities are absent in relationships with covert narcissists.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Finding Joy After Covert Narcissistic Abuse: A Holiday Transformation

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Fri, 20 Dec 2024 04:30:19 +0000

The holidays can be a difficult time for survivors of covert narcissistic abuse—what should be moments of joy often become memories of tension and survival. In this heartfelt episode, I reflect on past holidays that were filled with anxiety and share how I transformed my life and home into a sanctuary of peace, love, and laughter.

Six years after leaving a chaotic environment, I’ve learned how to reclaim joy, create genuine connection, and build a home where feelings are safe and celebrated. If you’re struggling this holiday season, know that healing is possible. Join me as I offer hope, share my personal journey, and provide encouragement for those longing to turn survival into peace and transformation.

This holiday, you deserve joy. You deserve peace. And you are strong enough to create it.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Emotional Abuse Consumption: The 100% Impact of 10% Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 15 Dec 2024 18:08:34 +0000

Emotional abuse is often described as insidious, and for good reason. It doesn’t have to happen constantly to dominate your thoughts, emotions, and decisions. Even if the abuse only happens 10% of the time on a clock or calendar, the fear of it, the anticipation of it, and the recovery from it consumes your mind 100% of the time.

You are constantly analyzing it, trying to figure out what went wrong, wondering what you could have done and so on. Let’s talk about why that is and what we can do to take back our mental and emotional space.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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I Want Out, Now What?? (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 12 Dec 2024 17:00:00 +0000

I can’t keep living like this. I’ve tried everything I know to try. Things might get better for a little while, but it never lasts. I continuously find myself right back in the same place. Over and over trying to explain how I feel and everything is always flipped back at me. I’ve been doing this for years, or even decades, and I just can’t do it anymore. I’ve tried everything I can try. I’m damaged. My kids are damaged. I’m done. I want out, now what?
That very thought can be intensely overwhelming! Getting out of the relationship can seem impossible. How will I support myself? What about our kids? How will the family all react? How will he/she react? How do I tell them? What am I thinking? I can’t possibly do this.
It is very easy to stay in the relationship because it seems like the simpler answer. Even the thought of trying to leave can send us into a whirlwind. Heart racing, stomach feeling like it is trying to turn inside out, body tense, mind racing. How can I even be considering this?
I know these feelings all too well. I never thought in a million years that I would be taking those steps. I never saw it coming. But I just could not stay. I had tried everything I could possibly try. I didn’t have anything left in my tank. And I could not continue this way.
Do I file first and then tell him? Do I move out first? Do I tell him first? Do I pack bags? Do I tell him to leave? What do I do first?
There are so many different ways that all this happens. There is no magical “right” answer. The path is different in every situation and at the end of the day is not the most important piece. The important part is that you found your voice and your strength.
They are going to be upset no matter how you tell them. In person, by phone, write a letter. Say it this way or that way. It truly does not matter. Do you really think that you can find the magical way where they will not be angry?
So do what feels right to you. You have spent enough time and energy trying to figure out how to not upset them. You have tap danced around them enough.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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Covert Narcissist Bingo for the Holiday Season

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Sun, 8 Dec 2024 20:15:36 +0000

Are you dreading the holidays? Approaching them with a pit in your stomach?

I remember those days all too well! I didn't want to take the trips with him. I didn't want to go visit family with him. I didn't want to be with him 24/7.

Who dreads the holidays? People who are living with a covert narcissist or visiting a covert narcissistic family member

To those of you who are heading into these holidays with covert narcissists in your life, I see you. I hear the discouragement and exhaustion in you. I hear your cry for peace.

We have to find some humor at times or we are all going to lose our minds. So this year we are playing covert narcissist BINGO!

On the bingo cards you will find:
Rolling their eyes, huffing, sulking, calling you names, digging remarks, dismissive attitude, gaslighting, passive aggressive statement, victim playing, backwards apology, and much more.

For your copy of a bingo card, join my mailing list at http://www.covertnarcissism.com

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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Can You Get PTSD from a Relationship with a Covert Narcissist (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Bleav + Renee Swanson) — Thu, 5 Dec 2024 20:57:22 +0000

Can you get PTSD or CPTSD from a relationship with a covert narcissist
100% yes!! Let’s talk about PTSD and CPTSD in relation to narcissist abuse. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is trauma response triggered from a single terrifying event, such as:
•natural disaster
•home intrusion
•car accident
•serious injury
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is trauma responses developed from ongoing or chronic trauma. It is prolonged traumatic events, such as:
•ongoing abuse
•childhood abuse
•domestic violence
•kidnapping, enslavement
•prisoner of war
The majority of people exposed to trauma do not develop long-term post-traumatic stress disorder. It is important to get help and support to prevent our normal stress reactions from developing into PTSD. A vital piece of this is the deep human need to feel safe. You need emotional safety.

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Our Warped Reality when Dealing with Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 1 Dec 2024 18:00:00 +0000

For those of you who have been or currently are in a relationship with a covert narcissist, what are some of the things you thought were totally normal but now realize are not normal?

That relationships are SO incredibly hard, like trying to get water from a rock. Isn’t that the way it is supposed to be?

“Feeling ridiculously anxious when you hear their car pull in and the front door open.” Or when the garage door opens!

“Name calling and screaming!” How did we ever get to the point that we thought this was normal and acceptable?

“Not having access to the bank account” It is NOT normal for a spouse to not have access to the family’s finances. Allowances are for children, not spouses. This is a partnership, not a dictatorship.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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Words of Affirmation for Survivors of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 28 Nov 2024 18:00:00 +0000

Welcome to Covert Narcissism Podcast, I’m your host Renee Swanson. This is a safe space where survivors of covert narcissistic abuse find hope, understanding, and healing. Today, this episode is dedicated to you—an affirmation of your strength, resilience, and worth. Take a deep breath, settle into a comfortable space, and let these words remind you of the incredible person you are.

Remember, your worth isn’t determined by what you’ve endured but by the incredible strength you’ve shown in rising above it. Keep moving forward—you are deserving of love, light, and peace. Your healing journey is yours alone, but you are never alone. We see you!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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The Hidden Scars of Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 24 Nov 2024 18:00:00 +0000

This episode is dedicated to everyone who is going through the upcoming holidays with a covert narcissist. As the world sees this “wonderful” person in your life, I see you! I see the pain, the doubt, the confusion, the fear.

People who have survived this often feel invisible, dismissed, or doubted when sharing their experiences with others. Today, we’re diving into what survivors wish more people understood, and how we can better support those who’ve endured this hidden abuse. Let’s unmask the truth together.

Welcome to the Covert Narcissism Podcast, the podcast where we expose hidden truths and give voice to the survivors of covert narcissistic abuse. I’m Renee Swanson, your host, here to unpack a topic that’s both difficult and necessary—covert narcissism.

Today’s episode is about validation—what survivors wish more people understood, and why the world needs to do a better job in listening, believing, and supporting those who are going through this invisible abuse.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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The Excruciating Pain of Emotional Abandonment (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 21 Nov 2024 23:31:57 +0000

I would never have said that abandonment was a concern for me in my marriage. He was never going to leave me. He would never run off with another woman. I knew that he would always be home in the evenings and on the weekends.
Other people talked about the issue of abandonment. Some narcissists do run off with affairs. They discard their victim simply to get another one. But that didn’t apply in my situation. So I really didn’t think that abandonment was an issue for me.
Until one day, I opened my eyes and realized I was wrong. I was absolutely dealing with abandonment. He abandoned me within our home every single day. He completely isolated himself constantly. He lost himself in video games and movies for hours on end. This was every evening after work, every weekend, every holiday, every vacation, no matter where we were or who we were with. He disengaged from our lives. He checked out completely again and again and again!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? •Are you searching for people who get it? •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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When a Covert Narcissist Tries to “Make Peace”

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 17 Nov 2024 18:00:00 +0000

Have you ever experienced a covert narcissist trying to make peace? How did that go? Did you walk away feeling better? Or did you walk away feeling like you had just been through hand to hand combat? When a covert narcissist tries to make peace with you, you go through yet another level of destructive interactions. This destruction centers around a facade of sympathy, backwards apologies, intense blame shifting, minimizing their bad behavior, and entitlement in the form of expectations of your forgiveness and "return" to them.

We often talk about intimate relationships here. But today I share a story of someone dealing with a covert narcissist at her place of work. In the work environment, dealing with a covert narcissist is extremely difficult and complex. Setting your own boundaries for yourself becomes absolutely necessary.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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Living with an Agent of Chaos, Survivor Story by Todd

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 15 Nov 2024 11:28:24 +0000

Are guys sometimes victims of covert narcissism? Absolutely! This is not a gender issue.Female covert narcissists are incredibly destructive. In this story, Todd tells his story of dealing with his covert narcissistic wife and how a glance back at his childhood showed how he was primed for this relationship from the beginning.

He was in an abusive marriage and didn’t know it. This behavior and the feelings he was having were normalized from his upbringing, so the red flags didn’t go off. He just accepted it until he just “woke up.”

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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Does Karma Ever Catch Up With a Narcissist?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 10 Nov 2024 18:40:24 +0000

Absolutely. I haven’t met one yet who is truly happy and content in life. They are grumpy, angry, defensive, hypersensitive, insecure, lazy, unmotivated, full of drama, worked up, and upset.

They do not know how to love nor to be loved. They are constantly seeking it and don’t recognize it when it is right in front of them. When they have it, they are so afraid of losing it that they push it away. They do not know how to actually relax and enjoy life. They have no idea how to be in the present moment, much less to enjoy it. They have no peace. In other words, they are already living in hell, and this is their karma, a life devoid of true connection and fulfillment.

But what about their victims? I have met plenty of them. These are the individuals who have suffered at their hands. These individuals often come out so much stronger and more resilient on the other side of narcissism. They self-reflect and work on themselves.They quit hiding from who they are, but rather embrace themselves with forgiveness and curiosity. They do the inner work and learn to be present in life. With this self-discovery, the present moment is a treasured part of their life. They have found a piece of heaven. If you haven't found that yet, don't worry! There is nothing wrong with you. It is okay. In this episode, you will learn more steps that you can take to break the trauma bond and propel your journey of healing.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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“Would You Consider This Mental Abuse?” Survivor Story with Wendy

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 8 Nov 2024 03:28:12 +0000

In the series of Survivor Stories, Wendy shares her story of a long-term marriage full of betrayal. From very early on, her husband had an affair and left her. She fought for the marriage because she didn’t want her son to grow up in a split home. This happened a second time during their son’s young life. However, the third time he left for an affair, she let him go.

After 30 years of this, it was time to find some healing. She went to a therapist and said:

“I don’t understand. I have all these cards from him that say, “I love you. You are the rock of the family. You’re my best friend. I don’t ever want to live without you. I can’t wait to grow old with you.” All the while he was having affairs. Would you consider this mental abuse? She said, Yes!”

Thus began her journey of healing!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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3 Simple Steps for Boundary Setting with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 3 Nov 2024 17:41:48 +0000

Grandiose narcissists cross physical boundaries. They overstep normal and healthy boundaries in a physical manner. They hit you, shove you, grab you, or throw things at you. They have no regard for your physical space or safety.

Vulnerable narcissists, often referred to as covert narcissists, cross emotional boundaries. They overstep normal and healthy boundaries in an emotional way. They hit you emotionally, blame you, guilt you, or dismiss you. They have no regard for your emotional space or safety.

In this episode, Renee gives you 3 simple steps that you can put into place to establish boundaries that work for you. These boundaries are not for them. They are for you!!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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Covert Narcissism and Christianity with Guest Kathy

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 1 Nov 2024 05:54:04 +0000

Everyone dealing with covert narcissism deals with FOG, but Christians have a extra layer of FOG to handle. FOG stands for Fear, Obligation and Guilt. These 3 issues keep a victim of covert narcissism trapped for years and decades. If you add Christianity to this, it becomes nearly impossible to see things clearly.

You are already dealing with the fear of your partner's reactions, fear of upsetting them, and fear of abandonment. Add to this the fear of disobeying God and being condemned to hell.

You live under the obligation to be loyal and supportive spouse. Add to this the obligation to be submissive and dutiful, plus the obligation to be intimate with a partner who constantly pushes you away.

You are overwhelmed with guilt when you fail at all the things you now feel responsible for, such as keeping them satisfied and happy. Add to this the enormous guilt because of how you think and feel about your spouse and because you can't make things better.

The Christian perspective certainly adds another layer of FOG to an already dense situation.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert Narcissism Screws with Your Mind

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 27 Oct 2024 17:00:00 +0000

I stood in my own home and realized that I was frozen, absolutely stuck. What to fix for dinner, what to watch on tv, when to sit down and read my book. I was no longer capable of making even small decisions. This is life with a covert narcissist.

I can't decide where to go for dinner or what to cook. I can't figure out which bathroom to use in my own home. I can't decide which shirt to wear around the house. All because of the belittling comments, controlling comments, self-focused comments, and victim comments. These are never-ending and incredibly destructive.

When I say that our mind is in overdrive, you cannot possibly understand this unless you have lived it. If you have lived it, you know exactly what I mean.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Coercive control with Eleanor Marks

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 25 Oct 2024 03:01:48 +0000

Coercive control is a pattern of behavior used to dominate, manipulate, and control another person, typically in the context of intimate relationships. It is a form of emotional and psychological abuse that can also include physical or sexual violence but is often more subtle and sustained.

The goal of coercive control is to strip the victim of their autonomy and independence, making them dependent on the abuser. This type of control puts the covert narcissist in charge and leaves the target at the mercy of their moods, attitudes, behaviors, and wants.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Snapshot of the Relationship with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 20 Oct 2024 17:57:52 +0000

“I started this relationship looking for reasons to like him, but I ended it fighting against all the reasons that I hated him.” I have so many people voice this to me. You don't want to hate them. You fight against that for years, but your heart just keeps screaming louder.

You spend years wondering what is wrong with you. Why can't you just focus on the good and move on? There are good traits and good days with them. I’m supposed to dwell on that, right? But why can’t I? What’s wrong with me?

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Trauma Bonding Part 2

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 18 Oct 2024 03:28:53 +0000

Let’s remember what trauma bonding is - In a simple definition, it is when the one who has hurt you is the one you turn to help you feel better. Trauma bonding feels like, “you’ve broken me into pieces but you’re the only one who can fix me.” The more you reach out to this covert abuser for love, recognition, comfort, validation, support, reconciliation, or closure, the stronger the trauma bond becomes.
You could even call trauma bonding a conditioned dependency. You have been conditioned to rely on this person to help you feel relief from your internal stress. They make you hurt by the way they treat you, and they make you feel better because a healthy relationship with them is what you desire. No one else can make you feel better about that relationship. They can talk with you about it. They can help support you and care for you. But no one can take away that deep internal pain that an intimate covert abuser causes. So you continue to do everything in your power to make peace with this person. You dig in so hard because you desire it SO much!
So what do we do about it? I’m going to give you 10 strategies. All 10 might not apply to you. All of us are different. Take the ones that feel right to you and start applying them to your life. Later come back and listen again, you might find a few more that will help you in the new place that you are in.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? •Are you searching for people who get it? •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert Narcissism and the Lack of Emotional Nourishment

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 13 Oct 2024 17:00:00 +0000

People blow you off, saying you are making a big deal out of nothing. You’re just being too sensitive. You need to get tougher. You need to learn to stand up for yourself. But yet when you try, you get blamed for being the problem. So what's the big deal? Why am I spending a lifetime learning about covert narcissism? Because it matters!! Covert narcissists erase who you are. They rob you of your perspective, identity and personality.

How do we stop this cycle? By giving our kids and our world emotional nourishment. Emotional nourishment is key for anyone’s emotional development. Emotional nourishment is not about how I feel towards another person. It is about acknowledging and caring for how they feel. Emotional nourishment is giving someone the feeling of being accepted and valued for who they are, and the freedom to express themselves without fear of judgment. This sure doesn’t sound like the environment with a covert narcissist. Not at all!! They are the exact opposite.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Trauma Bonding Part 1 (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 10 Oct 2024 18:51:10 +0000

Why can’t I actually leave this relationship? I want to! I’m tired of being treated this way. I’m tired of the ups and downs. I want stability. I want peace. I want less drama. Why can’t I actually walk away? Why do I keep coming back? Why do I continue to give them another chance, over and over? What is wrong with me? Am I crazy?
If this is you, what you are experiencing is trauma bonding. Trauma bonding keeps us tied to this person, no matter how badly they treat us. How does this work? Trauma bonding occurs when a narcissistic person repeats a cycle of abuse with a target which fuels a need for validation and love from the person being abused. It is a psychological addiction and a survival tactic developed by the victim.
Trauma bonding develops due to a cycle of intermittent rewards and punishments and a conditioning of the victim. The victim, you build hope, eagerly awaiting the next positive time together and a reprieve from the suffering. You do everything in your power to help this to happen, just knowing that it will come. That confidence is there because you do consistently get breadcrumbs of very loving and rewarding moments.
The more you reach out to this covert abuser for love, recognition, comfort, validation, support, reconciliation, or closure, the stronger the trauma bond becomes. The longer period of time or more cycles that you have lived through with this abuser, the stronger the trauma bond is.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? •Are you searching for people who get it? •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Covert Narcissist and Their Learned "Good" Behavior

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 6 Oct 2024 06:27:00 +0000

I’m surrounded by narcissists. Is everyone a covert narcissist?

Is every marriage affected by this? I can’t take anything at face value.

Right now in today’s world, I feel like we can’t take anything at face value anymore. The news says one thing. Social media says another. At times, it truly feels like we are surrounded by a fake world. Covert narcissism is absolutely a part of this fake world.

Covert narcissism is narcissistic traits hidden behind and covered up by learned good behavior. This behavior is extremely different publicly than in private. Don't be fooled by their public persona.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Living in the Narcissistic FOG (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 4 Oct 2024 04:42:43 +0000

There is a reason that this word FOG always appears in capital letters now. It is an acronym for Fear, Obligation and Guilt. These words explain the progression of things for the victim of narcissistic abuse, and even more so with covert narcissistic abuse.
The internal reaction of, “I’ll never do that again,” or "I'll never say that again," is the beginning of FEAR. Whatever it was that provoked that reaction from them that you just experienced, you will now avoid at all costs. Fear of their anger, their rejection, their judgment, even their silence.
Not even aware of the driving force of fear in our lives, it becomes an unspoken mission to keep him/her happy, or at least not angry. It becomes our duty, our responsibility, our job, our OBLIGATION. I "should" make them feel better. I "should" keep peace with them. I "should" be more affectionate. I "should" be more clear with my words. And so on.
Living a life out obligation is a sure way to live a life out GUILT. Now I feel guilty for falling short of these obligations. I feel guilty when I no longer want to fulfill these obligations. Covert narcissistic abuse gets inside our very core and leaves deep, deep wounds. We join the abuser in abusing ourselves when we add our own guilt to the dynamic at play.
You have been made to feel guilty and responsible for any and every bad thing that has ever happened or ever will happen. In this thick FOG, you cannot see clearly. You are disoriented and confused. Things don’t make sense. It is no wonder that you don't feel like yourself anymore. It is time to get out from under this FOG and find you again.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? •Are you searching for people who get it? •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Why is Narcissism Exploding?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 29 Sep 2024 16:57:23 +0000

Narcissism seems to be everywhere. You hear about it in so many families. Marriages that you thought were good, you learn that they are falling apart behind closed doors. Family members, friends, co-workers...everywhere you turn.

Is narcissism on the rise? Yes! Why is this? There are many contributing factors. In this episode, I address a few of these reasons for this explosion in narcissism. The more we can understand, the more we can educate ourselves, the more we can help educate our children, and the more we can put a stop to this rise. It is time to turn this around and work to make our world a more peaceful place.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

3 Landmarks That Pushed Me Forward (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 27 Sep 2024 12:41:33 +0000

Last night, I was caught off guard with a question I had not really thought about. I was not prepared to answer this question about my journey with a covert narcissistic husband. Here's the question: Name 3 significant landmarks along the way. Three things that boosted me forward on this journey and got me to where I am today.

At first, I only thought of external events. Things that actually took place on a specific day and involved people in my life. These events were what I named at the time. But later that night, I thought more about this question. These were the truly life-changing moments for me. Yes, they were a significant part of my journey, but they aren't really what got me to where I am now.
The truly life-changing landmarks were internal! These were the moments that really shot me forward. They were the light bulb moments, the A-ha moments. In these moments, the FOG lifted significantly, and I made gigantic leaps in my journey. These were momentous steps towards saving ME, finding ME, and healing ME. These are my true landmarks!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? •Are you searching for people who get it? •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Q & A With Renee Swanson and Her Covert Narcissism Podcast Journey

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 22 Sep 2024 18:07:48 +0000

Q & A With Renee Swanson and Her Covert Narcissism Podcast Journey

Recently Renee had the opportunity to be interviewed about her journey with Covert Narcissism and how it led where it is today with the Covert Narcissism Podcast. Currently the Covert Narcissism Podcast is downloaded by hundreds of thousands of listeners each month, and has expanded from Renee’s guest room, to a studio, and from a small facebook group to group coaching and retreats that take place year round. The question on the minds of many who have asked is, how did it get here? When did Renee first have the idea of a podcast? When did she discover her passion for coaching and helping others dealing with covert narcissism? This episode starts with a small Facebook group and goes throughout the journey. and even answers what Renee sees as the future of the Covert Narcissism Podcast. This is a great episode with tons of candid conversation where Renee is off script and telling her story about life after covert narcissism. Thanks for listening, and watching on Youtube!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert Narcissism is More Than Just Normal Marital Struggles

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 19 Sep 2024 23:54:48 +0000

It doesn't take long for struggles to show up when you are dealing with a covert narcissist, but we can easily convince ourselves that every marriage has its problems. We conclude that this is just normal relationship strife. But covert narcissistic behavior is more than this. You are not overreacting when you feel like this is a bigger deal than normal.

Trying to talk ourselves out the issues we are facing everyday is detrimental to our health. It takes its toll emotionally, mentally, physically, psychologically, socially, and spiritually.
Lynn shares her story about how this isolation and self-doubt affected her health and how she is getting herself into a better place.
Stop the excuses. Stop the muck sweeping.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How to Counter the Effects of the Trauma Brain

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 15 Sep 2024 19:51:28 +0000

Trauma causes post-traumatic stress disorder. This is literally the effects of the stress after the trauma, the remaining results of the trauma. Too much adrenaline in your system is extremely dangerous. Stress is a killer.

What is stress?

According to the World Health Organization, stress can be defined as a state of worry or mental tension caused by a difficult situation. This just described your world when you are living with a covert narcissist. It IS having an impact on your brain. The good news is that this damage is reversible!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Everything You Say and Do Can and Will Be Used Against You (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 12 Sep 2024 23:57:53 +0000

I mean everything!! You never feel safe interacting with this person. This is why this particular type of abuse is so exhausting. While the abuse may not be constant, the risk of it is. The potential is always there. You never know with anything you say or do if it will set them off.
When you are with a covert narcissist, everything you do gets used against you. Everything you say. Everything you do. Even every kind or compassionate act you do.
In this episode, I give you personal examples from my own marriage to a covert narcissist. When you hear how ridiculous these situations are, please reflect on your own experiences. How do they treat you? Are you safe with them, physically, but also emotionally and mentally?
When they don’t make it safe for us to talk to them, help them, support them, and so on, we simply quit doing it. When others make it hard to help them, people stop helping! This is completely understandable. Put boundaries in place that protect you, your heart, your mind, your soul. We will be talking more about boundaries in future episodes!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Your Trauma Responses are Normal Responses

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 8 Sep 2024 16:59:54 +0000

An emergency situation while hiking on the Appalachian Trail resulted in an extremely normal trauma response from me. Realizing the correlations between this trauma response and my past trauma responses to covert narcissism opened my eyes.

My responses to trauma are normal responses! I'm not broken. I'm not over-reactive. These situations with a covert narcissist have been traumatic, and my system responded accordingly. I hope this personal story helps you to make the same connections in your journey of healing.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Compare the Life of a Covert Narcissist With the Life of Their Victim (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 5 Sep 2024 19:04:57 +0000

Are you trying to decide if all you are going through is "normal," or if it is fair and reasonable?
In the last two episodes, I have talked about the codependency traits that so many victims have in common and the eternal victim role that covert narcissists play. These two things get trapped together so incredibly often.
On one side, you have a person who does no self-reflection, no self-improvement, and no internal work. Instead they express out all the ways they have been hurt in life. The abuse they suffered as a child. The mistreatment from parents, siblings, friends. The abuse they suffered from previous relationships, leaving them “broken” and insecure. The ways that everything you say hurts them, reminds them of their past abuse, resurfaces their hurt self. The eternal victim!
On the other side, you have a person who desires to care for others. To build other people up. To help others become the best they can be. To “fix” them. To save them. Willing to do the extra work. Willing to give the benefit of the doubt. To carry extra blame so the other person doesn’t have to. To carry your own load and half of theirs too. To look at your own smallest faults and blame these over the massive faults the other person displays. To hold yourself accountable for everything, while letting them off the hook for anything.
This is NOT a good combination! Works out great for the covert narcissist, who does none of the work and does anything they want all the time. It is horrible for their partner, who does all the work and never does anything they themselves want.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? •Are you searching for people who get it? •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Trauma Brain and Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sat, 31 Aug 2024 17:00:00 +0000

There is an absolute fog that comes from dealing with covert narcissism. You struggle to think straight anymore, and the mind is running in circles

Many survivors ask me, "Is something wrong with me? Will I ever be normal again?"

When you have been through a traumatic relationship, that trauma has an effect.

I say trauma for a reason.

This is not a normal relationship with its normal ups and downs.

This is not a situation where you just grew apart

There is an enormous difference between a disappointing marriage and a destructive one.

Trauma is an intense physical and psychological response to an event, series of events, or set of circumstances that is experienced as harmful or threatening. And trauma overwhelms the brain!!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Turning Your Life Around with Special Guest, Stephany Ann

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 29 Aug 2024 17:00:00 +0000

Meet an extraordinary woman , an attorney, recipient of the governor's award for advocacy with survivors of domestic violence, and international best selling author who triumphed over narcissistic abuse, with two marriages to narcissists behind her, she harnessed the transformative power of her mind and thoughts on her path to healing and personal growth. Her transformation came when she shifted from “why me” to “for me”. Hear her incredible story today!

https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephanyann?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=ios_app

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7 Ways to Protect Yourself from Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 25 Aug 2024 17:00:00 +0000

Are you finding yourself reactive? Short-tempered? At least to them? Maybe even repulsed by their presence? This is a problem. This is the person living in my house, sleeping in my bed, professing their love to me, raising my kids with me, traveling with me. I can’t live like this. This has to change! How do I get my body to stop reaching to his presence?

Even if you cannot get physical space from the covert narcissist in your world, you must begin the process of getting mental and emotional space from them. Here are 7 steps to help you gain this distance now.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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The Eternal Victim Role of a Covert Narcissist (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 22 Aug 2024 17:00:00 +0000

I hear so many people who have lived with a covert narcissist describe this person as a victim of everything. They can make everything be an attack on them or another way they got slighted.
Covert narcissists love to play the victim role. They see themselves as an eternal victim. They will deny this of course. If you try to talk to them about it, then they will often react with sullenness and despair at how much your words are hurting them. Taking them right back into that victim role. Of course, you can’t say this is exactly what I am talking about because they will just loop it right back around on you.
It isn’t always clear as to whether they actually truly see themselves as victims or not. Do they believe they are victims or are they just manipulating the social situation to feed their intense need for attention? This is not always clear. But regardless, the victim mentality fills many of the needs of a covert narcissist. It goes hand in hand with many of the characteristics of narcissism, and we are going to explore this today.
This victim role is so damaging when you, as a kind, caring and compassionate person, have a burning desire to help others, to treat others with respect, to care for others. We often go too far in believing that their pain and suffering is all our fault. If you are struggling with this, please listen to this episode today!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? •Are you searching for people who get it? •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #covertnarcissism #podcast

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Dealing With a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 18 Aug 2024 17:00:00 +0000

Dealing with a covert narcissist is different from dealing with people who are “narcissistic”. Most of the advice out there is just for dealing with people who are narcissistic, and that’s a lot of good information. There is a problem though. Covert narcissists don’t appear narcissistic.

Covert narcissists are…not blatantly narcissistic. In fact, overall seem like a really good person - present as caring, kind, generous, involved in the community, loved by those around them, a great catch
They are seemingly the complete opposite of a narcissistic person.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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How My Codependent Tendencies Led Me Straight to a Covert Narcissist (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 15 Aug 2024 19:19:06 +0000

I now know the role that my own codependent tendencies played in creating this match. This match that I was convinced was made in heaven. This match that I truly believed was perfect. This match that was such a disaster. This match that nearly destroyed my own health and the lives of my boys.
I realize now how much my own background played a part in all of this. How that very background could cause me to easily repeat this pattern, like so many do. So many victims leave one abusive relationship and walk directly into another one. I get asked so often, how do I break this cycle of toxic relationships?
Start by looking, not at those you are with, but instead directly at yourself. Your own tendencies, your own survival skills, your own reactions, your own expectations, your own boundaries or lack thereof. Let’s look at YOU!
NO, this isn't your fault in any way!! You didn't ask for the abuse in any way! But these codependent tendencies make us huge targets for narcissistic people, especially covert narcissists. It is time to break this cycle!!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? •Are you searching for people who get it? •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Renee Swanson, Not a Therapist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 11 Aug 2024 17:00:00 +0000

I am not a therapist, and you are not a victim.
I am an advocate, and you are a survivor.

I have faced the massive amounts of confusion

I have been curled up on the floor of my closet unable to function

I have faced all the self-doubt and self-blame.

I've never tried so hard in anything in my life as I did at this marriage

This is not a normal relationship, a normal marriage, or a normal breakup.

Fortress Debt can help you gain your financial freedom!

www.covertnarcissism.com/fortress

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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Entitlement - Feeding That False Self of Covert Narcissism ( Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 9 Aug 2024 00:36:29 +0000

The entitlement of a narcissistic person screams, "I am special simply because! I am better than everyone. I am more important than everyone. Everyone knows I am special and should treat me as such."

Individuals with narcissistic tendencies expect special treatment. They feel that good things should come their way simply because of who they are. Not because of anything they have or haven't done, but rather just because they "deserve" it.

They believe that they are superior to others and thus deserve special treatment. They expect more respect and more attention, often demanding treatment that is different from everyone else and not at all reasonable. In fact, it is often quite shocking behavior from a full-grown adult.
Where does this entitlement come from? From a deep internal emptiness. We are going to talk about that emptiness, where it comes from and how it plays out with covert narcissists.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
•Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
•Are you searching for people who get it?
•Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
•Are you running in circles in your mind?
•Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
•Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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The War Zone of Living with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 4 Aug 2024 17:00:00 +0000

Today we're talking about the thousand bee stings in a relationship with a covert narcissist. Actually we are not talking about the thousand bee stings because that's not what the actual problem is. We are talking about what happens between the bee stings. Healthy marriages have bee stings too, but healthy marriages reconcile. With covert narcissists, there is no reconciliation. You are met with circular conversations, silent treatment, blame shifting, gaslighting and passive aggressiveness.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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A Deeper Look at Passive Aggressive Behavior (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 1 Aug 2024 17:00:00 +0000

Covert narcissists are experts at passive aggressiveness. They have this down so well. As a victim of the abuse, we are so conditioned that we don’t see it! Cognitive dissonance keeps us blind to so much for so long. I tell you now though, once you start to see what is going on, you cannot unsee it. Once you cross that threshold, you can’t go back. The door behind you closes and locks.

Can you put the passive aggressive behavior into words? Can you describe it, define it, explain it? Can you give examples or do they seem to just disappear into the wind? Is it clear in your mind or are you feeling the fog of an abuse victim?

Their expertise in passive aggressiveness adds so much to the confusion already happening within a victim’s mind. Covert narcissists often use passive aggressiveness to avoid confrontation, to get their way, to make the other person feel bad, to be able to avoid blame and responsibility. Today, I give you some specific characteristics and examples of passive aggressive behavior.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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Can We Negotiate with Covert Narcissists?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 28 Jul 2024 17:00:56 +0000

Rebecca Zung is a top ranked trial lawyer and globally sought after expert in the art of high conflict negotiation resolution. Speaking on platforms worldwide, she is also a bestselling author of several books including the USA Today National Bestselling book SLAY the Bully: How to Negotiate with a Narcissist and Win. In this episode, she shares her views on negotiating with a covert narcissist.

For more information on her program, check out her site here.

Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet (Free Ebook to give away to listeners - 15 pages) www.winmynegotiation.com
YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/rebeccazungesq
INSTAGRAM - @REBECCAZUNG

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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The Mixed Up Emotions As The Relationship Ends (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 25 Jul 2024 18:12:42 +0000

I was so excited for the day that my husband was to move out of our home. I just knew how happy I would be. You could not erase the smile off my face as he was loading his last load. Finally!! This day was here. He would no longer be in my home. My home!! That sounded so amazing. He drove off with his last things. I just knew I would be dancing in the street.
But I wasn’t. I was overwhelmed with emotions I didn’t expect. I dropped on my bed and sobbed. I cried for many days. Why? This isn’t what I expected. My heart was heavy. My stomach was a wreck. My mind was numb. My emotions were all over the place. My body simply did not want to function.
But I thought I would be rejoicing. I had been looking forward to this day for so long. Why am I not happy? Why am I not relieved and peaceful? Is something wrong with me? Did I make a wrong choice? Was I happier in the relationship? Should I call him back? Is something wrong with me?
I’m Renee Swanson, your host of the Covert Narcissism Podcast. Today we are talking about the shock your system goes through when the relationship finally ends. These mixed-up emotions can cause great confusion, leading many victims to break no contact and jump back into the relationship. Learning about them, identifying them, and building skills to handle them is vital to your journey of healing!!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? •Are you searching for people who get it? •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Covert Narcissists Need a Supply and a Scapegoat

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 21 Jul 2024 17:00:00 +0000

Narcissistic people need two dominant things: supply and scapegoats. They need someone who cares for their every need and want. This supply feeds their ego, boosting them up, laughing at all of their jokes, hanging on every word they say, and giving them all of their attention. In addition, they need scapegoats. Nothing is ever their fault, so they need somewhere for their blame to go, all the time. Everything that has ever gone wrong in their life is to be blamed on someone or something else.

Covert narcissistic individuals zero in on one person. They become laser focused on YOU. What you are thinking, what you are doing, who you are with, and what you are saying. They have picked you out as the target of their attention and thus your whole world must now center around them. They don’t want the attention of everyone in the room, but they certainly want ALL of your attention.

In the same way, covert narcissists don’t need to blame the whole world for their problems. They have you. You become their sole scapegoat. Everything, and I mean everything, is 100% your fault. Not partly your fault, but rather completely your fault. As you naturally pull back from this painful situation, it is only a matter of time before you are no longer their supply, but you are firmly their scapegoat.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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First Steps of Healing From Covert Narcissistic Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 18 Jul 2024 21:35:09 +0000

I get asked frequently, how do I heal from this? How do you ever get over it? How do you move forward? Will I ever trust again? Can I have a healthy relationship?

These are excellent questions and they go through the minds of many victims of covert narcissistic abuse. The journey is tortuously painful and can seem completely unending. It feels like it will simply last forever. Not only is there no end in sight, there isn’t even a simple path going forward.

If I do this, if I do that, if I go this way, if I go that way. Nothing feels right. Nothing will work. The despair inside the victim of covert narcissism is real! It is deep, overwhelming and suffocating.
The day that your eyes first see this abuse was life-changing. That moment of realization that reality is not what you thought. That maybe, just maybe, this isn’t actually your fault. That first hint of realization. This is commonly followed quickly by glimpses of the realization that you also cannot fix this. These glimpses come in and out of awareness in the beginning stages of recognition.

But once you start seeing it, you can’t unsee it. Once you start knowing it, you can’t unknow it. But now what do you do? How do you move forward when you feel frozen in fear and uncertainty?

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I Don't Know Myself Anymore after Dealing with Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 14 Jul 2024 17:00:00 +0000

"I don't know myself anymore. I don't recognize me. Who am I? I didn't used to be this way. What happened?" Are you asking these questions? Have you become someone that you don't recognize anymore? You are certainly not alone!

The behaviors of covert narcissism are destructive, manipulative, antagonistic, harmful, coercive, abusive, and emotionally violent. These behaviors leave deep wounds in the victims. This changes you, their target, in two dominant ways. The first is that these wounds cause strong protective behaviors in you. This is a very normal human response to an abnormal situation. The second is that you begin to mirror the very behaviors that you are protecting yourself from. It is not uncommon at all for victims of covert narcissistic abuse to mirror their abusers with the same defensiveness that they are fighting against, and to then be called the narcissist by their abuser. I will be addressing both of these types of responses to abusive behavior in this episode.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #podcast

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Raising Awareness for Covert Narcissistic Abuse with Vanessa Reiser

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 11 Jul 2024 17:00:00 +0000

Today’s guest is Vanessa Reiser, a narcissistic abuse expert. Vanessa is a mother, author, entrepreneur, 2X Ironman and ground-breaking licensed clinical social worker (LCSW), specializing in narcissistic and cult abuse. She is also the founder of Tell a Therapist, LLC and is best known for her run across the state of New York (285 miles in 11 days) in a wedding dress to raise awareness for narcissistic abuse. She also subsequently ran across NJ, CT & MA. Her insights are both personal and professional, giving her a unique lens into this insidious form of domestic abuse.

You can find her at:

Instagram: @vanessareiserlcsw

Website: tellatherapist.net

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert Narcissists are Adult Bullies

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 7 Jul 2024 17:00:00 +0000

Bullying is not a kid’s problem. Someone recently said to me that it is. They said that we deal with bullies in our childhood. Teen years, there may be a few bullies here and there, but not really. By adulthood, we are past all that kid stuff. That got me thinking. Really? Are we really past all the bullying behavior in adulthood?

So I looked up the definition of bullying. Bullying is the use of force, coercion, hurtful teasing or threat, to abuse, aggressively dominate or intimidate. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. I stopped reading right there and thought, that is exactly what covert narcissism is. This is bullying! The definition goes on, "One essential prerequisite is the perception of an imbalance of physical or social power. This imbalance distinguishes bullying from conflict."

So I started my research. Is narcissistic behavior within the home, between adults, a form of bullying?

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #podcast

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When Friends and Family don't Understand Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 4 Jul 2024 17:00:00 +0000

When friends and family members don't understand the abuse we are enduring from covert narcissism, this adds to the pain and confusion we are already experiencing. Their dismissiveness of the abusive behavior only compounds our frustration. They often dismiss it, not to add to our pain, but in an attempt to keep the peace and move on. When our loved ones see the small glimpses of abusive behavior, they conclude that these are isolated events and suggest that we treat them as such. However, we know that these are a continuous pattern of toxic behaviors. These single events trigger an entire bucket of memories, as well as a flood of anticipated repeated behaviors.

In this episode, Renee Swanson and Eleanor Marks discuss the effects of the dismissive attitudes of our loved ones. In this discussion, they explore the things we wish that our loved ones could understand about what we are experiencing. Grasping the whole picture is hard enough for the victim who is living with the covert narcissist. It is nearly impossible for those on the outside. Keep digging into the research and exploring the concepts of covert narcissism.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #podcast

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Covert Narcissism and a Diagnosis

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 30 Jun 2024 17:16:22 +0000

I sure don't need a diagnosis to know what I've been through. When I first read the words about covert narcissism, I immediately knew that I had found an answer to what was going on. The words resonated SO deeply in my heart that it was both painful and freeing. When the words line up, you just know it. When you read or hear something that describes exactly what you have been living through, you recognize it for what it is. Instantly. The words simply connect with something deep inside you.

In fact, when you read it or hear it, you feel as though this is something you have always known. Well, that’s because you have. You just have not yet had the words to describe it and talk about it. I didn't need to ponder them. I already had been for years. I didn't need examples. I had already had plenty. But I did need the validation! I did need the language to describe what I already knew. For more on the topic of diagnosing a narcissist, don't miss Dr. Ramani's excellent video. I talk about it in my podcast, and here is the link to watch it. Say THIS to people who tell you not to "diagnose" narcissists

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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With Covert Narcissism, I Am NOT Okay.

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 27 Jun 2024 17:00:00 +0000

Listening to some music the other day, a song came on that really spoke to me. It was by Jelly Roll and titled “I Am Not Okay.” I can’t speak for Jelly Roll, but as a victim of covert narcissism, these lyrics could not have been more fitting.

I am not okay

I'm barely getting by

I'm losing track of days

I'm losing sleep at night

I am not okay

I'm hanging on the rails

So if I say I'm fine just know I learned to hide it well.

I know I can't be the only one who's holding on for dear life

But I know God knows when it's all said and done

I'm not okay, but it's all gonna be alright

It's not okay, but we're all gonna be alright.

I woke up today

I almost stayed in bed

I had the devil on my back voices in my head

Some days it all ain't bad

Some days it all gets worse

Some days I swear I'm better off laying in the dirt.

~ Song lyrics from "I Am Not Okay," by Jelly Roll

In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, host Renee Swanson delivers a powerful message inspired by the song lyrics of Jelly Roll's new hit single "I Am Not Okay." Renee reflects on her past of being married to a covert narcissist while allowing the song lyrics to help her explain and reflect on her past.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Apologies from a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 23 Jun 2024 17:00:00 +0000

If you ever want a covert narcissist to talk about you, point out something they have done that upset you. See how their language changes. They live a very me-focused life. Until you come to that moment in the conversation where an apology from them should be. Then their script changes, and they become very you-focused. "You made me mad. You hurt my feelings. You told me to help you." As soon as you take their bait and start defending yourself, then the language switches back to their me-focused attitude. "I can't believe you would treat me that way. I am so upset. No one has ever treated me this way before." This flip of the switch is an extremely passive aggressive way to hide the psychological and emotional abuse that you are enduring. It is so subtle that victims often don't even see it.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #podcast

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This Was Never About You (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 20 Jun 2024 17:41:56 +0000

THIS WAS NEVER ABOUT YOU!!
•The way they talk to you
•The way they treat you
•The reactions they have
•The looks
•The silent treatment
•The circular conversations from
•The abuse
•All of it

It was never about you. You need to know that. You need to hear what I am saying.
If you want to find healing inside of you, this is so vitally important. This experience you have been through, the pain, the anguish, the anxiety, none of it had anything to do with you.
I’m Renee Swanson, creator of the Covert Narcissism Podcast. You need to hear what I am saying today!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #podcast

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Healing from Covert Narcissistic Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 16 Jun 2024 17:00:00 +0000

Time doesn't heal all wounds, effort does. You can't lay around and wait for a broken leg to heal. It takes doctor visits and physical therapy visits. If you just wait for time to heal it, you will face residual pain and issues for the rest of your life. Negative feelings are normal along the way, such as regret, frustration, self-judgment, despair, impatience and caution. An abused and beaten heart is no different. Time won't heal it. It takes effort, purposeful healing and work. Get on the journey of healing and start taking one step at a time.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #podcast

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Self-Care After Dealing with Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 13 Jun 2024 16:28:52 +0000

When you’ve been living with a covert narcissist for many years, your self-care is almost non-existent. You don’t have the time, energy, mental capacity, or freedom to take care of yourself. Any efforts at self-care may have been labeled as selfish. Over the years, you've paid a high price for trying to even do the bare minimum of caring for yourself. It just isn't worth the price. Robbing you of the right to care for yourself is abuse! No one should ever have the right to take that away from you. Self-care is a beautiful part of life. In this episode, Eleanor Marks and Renee Swanson explore ways to reclaim that self-care. Tiny steps forward are momentous. Celebrate these.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #podcast

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What Covert Narcissists Say and What They Actually Mean

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 9 Jun 2024 16:15:00 +0000

"I love you" does not mean the same thing coming out of a covert narcissist as it does when you say it. For non-narcissistic people, "I love you" means I care about your thoughts and feelings. I love when you are happy, peaceful and relaxed. I want what is best for you. I care about you.

For a covert narcissist, "I love you" is not quite the same. For them, it means I love how YOU make ME feel. I love what you do for ME. I love the attention that you give ME. I love it when you are happy with ME. I care about your thoughts and feelings about ME. I want what is best for you, and it is 100 percent ME.

When talking with a covert narcissist, they are absolutely using a different language than we are.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #podcast

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What is Cognitive Dissonance and What to do About it (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 6 Jun 2024 21:01:49 +0000

Survivors of covert narcissistic abuse feel like they are going crazy. They often tell me that they are losing their mind. They don’t know which end is up, what reality is or what to do next. They are often frozen in self-doubt and confusion.

This is because of cognitive dissonance. In this episode, I am going to help you understand what cognitive dissonance is, why it happens, and what to do about it.

Cognitive dissonance is when a single individual holds conflicting attitudes or beliefs within themselves. This goes hand in hand with living with a covert narcissist. It creates that fog that you hear so many talk about. Coming out of the fog is coming out of the cognitive dissonance.

You have forgotten what life is supposed to feel like. You have forgotten how to relax and enjoy the beauty of life. You have forgotten what it feels like to be you! It is time to remind yourself!!

I wish you much peace on your journey of healing!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert Narcissism: His Trauma Became Our Trauma

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 2 Jun 2024 17:00:00 +0000

Trauma causes people to make changes in the way they interact with their world. Emotional abuse is traumatic. It takes away one's perception of safety. When we experience trauma, our system will work hard to re-establish a perceived sense of safety. Thus we pick up survival skills that can become walls between us and others. What behaviors do we pick up in response to covert narcissistic abuse? What about our kids? What traits are they picking up?

It is so crucial to do some trauma healing, for yourself and then learn to help your children. I have recently become certified in trauma coaching. I do offer individual trauma-informed coaching. It’s time to help our kids while they are still young. I will be focusing more on this in my podcast. Visit my website at http://www.covertnarcissism.com It’s time to break these cycles. I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Parenting #covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #podcast

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Financial Abuse Disguised as Compassion

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 31 May 2024 04:14:51 +0000

Financial abuse and manipulation can come with the appearance of being loving and caring. Covert narcissists will say that they are doing this “for your own good.” In the guise of helping you, they use and abuse you. At the same time though, there is just enough truth in what they are saying to convince you that they are right. This tiny speck of truth activates your compassion, causing you to feel guilty for doubting them or questioning them. Instead you take all the blame and work harder to fix your perspective.

In this guest episode, Crystal shares her story of financial abuse. In her words he was a “serial entrepreneur who gave her a great sales pitch.”

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Parenting #covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #financialabuse

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Exploring a Different Perspective of Codependency with Ross Rosenberg

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 26 May 2024 13:46:00 +0000

Today, we have the author of The Human Magnet Syndrome, Ross Rosenberg. I talk with him about his new book, The Codependency Revolution: Fixing What Was Always Broken.
What is this monster called codependency that no one seems to understand? It is so hard to understand narcissism, and it is equally hard to understand codependency. In Ross’s words, “I see codependency as a relationship problem, not an individual problem. A codependent is defined by their choice of relationship partners. To understand codependency, you have to understand pathological narcissism.” On this dive down the rabbit hole of narcissism, let’s also dig into the concept of codependency.

https://www.selfloverecovery.com/

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Scapegoating and Financial Abuse from a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 23 May 2024 20:52:00 +0000

In this episode, our guest talks about the financial abuse she endured in a lengthy marriage with children. No matter how many failures or the depth of the failures, covert narcissists will always find someone or something to blame. Scapegoating accompanies the financial abuse, as they blame you for their financial struggles. They simply cannot carry any of the blame themselves. It is never a shared responsibility. You, their supply at one point in time, are often the main target of their scapegoating and the main victim of their financial abuse.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Parenting #covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #covertnarcissist

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The Emotional Dysregulation of a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 19 May 2024 17:48:03 +0000

I’m mad! So I yell at you, punch the wall, storm off, stomp my feet, shove the chair, and slam the bedroom door!

I don’t care that you don’t like it! I don’t care that you now feel bad.

In fact, I’m going to wait in my room until you come and apologize to me!

Who am I?

I'm a 2 year old toddler throwing a fit, or a teenager dealing with hormones, social anxiety, and overwhelming schoolwork, or a full-grown covert narcissistic adult.

How do you handle the situation?

For the 2 year old, you parent them. You take away their favorite toy, have them take a time out, and let them know that this behavior is not okay. You talk with them about emotions. Help them to learn how to handle being angry, and tell them that you love them.

For the teenager, you probably ground them. Take away their phone and the car, can’t spend time with their friends. Cancel their fun events. And encourage them to make amends. You talk with them about how their behaviors affect those around them, trying to help them to see outside of themselves. And you try to connect with them and you tell them that you love them.

For the covert narcissistic adult, you tiptoe around them. Figure out what set them off and add that to your checklist of things to make sure never happen again. After countless attempts of trying to connect with them, resulting only in circular conversations, you instead wait for this behavior to disappear, for the abuse amnesia to set in, and you both pretend that it never happened.

The problem is this behavior is the same from a 2 year old, to a teenager, to a full-grown adult. Understandable from a toddler, expected from a teenager, and shocking from an adult.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Removing Trauma From the Body (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 17 May 2024 00:14:22 +0000

Dr. Melissa Kalt, M.D. specializes in removing the trauma of narcissistic abuse from the body. She brings so much insight to the topic, and I thoroughly enjoyed interviewing her for our audience. This interview is extremely informative and helpful.

Dr. Melissa is a graduate of the Medical College of Wisconsin – triple-board-certified in Internal Medicine, Pediatrics, and Lipidology. She was voted to the US Best Doctors™ list by her peers year over year 2009-2018. While single parenting five children, Dr Melissa was promoted from staff physician to Assistant Clinical Professor to Medical Site Director of three clinics at Froedtert and Medical College of Wisconsin, an academic medical institution.

By 2012, Dr Melissa had achieved every goal on her over-achiever to-do list yet was miserable.

She began an extraordinary journey that solved her most unsolvable problem. It all started with the question - What if life doesn’t have to be this way? The answer - Connect to the truth of who you are.

Dr Melissa got really clear about who she was, who she needed to be, and what needed to change. She identified, then extracted herself from several narcissistic relationships and committed to healing her family’s trauma.

By extracting the illusion and getting clear about the truth of who she was – everything changed. In 2018, Dr Melissa made the leap to expand beyond the limits of traditional medicine and left her 20+ year medical career to follow her Why. That same year, she found her forever partner in love and business, whom she married in 2019.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Isolating Dynamics of a Covert Narcissistic Relationship

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 12 May 2024 17:00:00 +0000

In this chat time with Renee Swanson and Eleanor Marks, these two discuss two questions brought by Covert Narcissism Podcast listeners. They each share their answer to this question, “Looking back, when do you wish you would have left? Is there a time that you “wish” you would have filed for divorce sooner?”

The second question they dive into is “Please discuss the isolating dynamics of a covert narcissistic relationship.” In their answer, they talk about two aspects of this question. Covert narcissists isolate you from others with their tactics of manipulation, gaslighting, blame shifting and victim role. In addition to this, victims isolate themselves out of survival and for their own protection in these antagonistic relationships.

Learn more about the group program with these two ladies here

https://www.covertnarcissism.com/group-course

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#covertnarcissism #podcast #abuse #gaslighting #marriedtoanarcissist #narcissist #narcissism

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Grasping Covert Narcissism (Special Throwback episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 10 May 2024 05:22:13 +0000

Covert narcissism is messed up! It is so twisted you feel like you are going insane just trying to get a grasp on what’s going on. It is so hard to pinpoint and impossible to describe. You can’t possibly explain it to someone who hasn’t experienced it themselves. Trying to makes you sound crazy, even to yourself. So now you question your own sanity. It is mind-boggling and exhausting. Many victims collapse into a pile of nothing and give up. I don’t blame them. I have been there many times. I know that pain firsthand.
The covert narcissist is a master at appearing innocent, kind, compassionate, generous, sincere, benevolent, and much more. To the world, they look not only normal, but even better. They could convince Mother Teresa that they are the perfect spouse. Yet underneath that, in the most subtle ways, they treat people with contempt, disregard, hatred, condescension, disdain, antipathy, and much more. I felt like one minute I understood and the very next it was gone. It was like I was trying to grasp the wind. One minute it made sense, and the next minute I had no idea.
If I was struggling this much to understand it, how in the world could I expect my friends to understand it. So why do we try SO hard to understand? Why do we research like crazy? Googling, reading, listening, watching. I didn’t work this hard when I was in school, and I was a dedicated student. But this? This I was absorbing 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, trying so hard to figure out what was going on and why.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Our Kids Suffer When We Suffer

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 5 May 2024 17:00:00 +0000

Kids desire and NEED to feel safe and cared for. When their parent who is their safety and caregiver suffers, they suffer as well. If you think that you are hiding this abuse from your kids, you are wrong. Our kids see it, and they feel it.

Children put their own defense mechanisms in place. These include living in denial, shutting it all out, disassociating, distracting themselves, putting up harsh boundaries with anger and temper, and protecting you by taking on parental roles. These defense mechanisms are harmful to our kids. They lack of life experience causes them to not see it and to not know that this isn't normal or healthy. Listen to the full episode for ideas on how to help our kids.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The World Enables Covert Narcissists Guest episode with Sarene Leeds

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 2 May 2024 18:36:41 +0000

"I felt that I was the only one who was uncomfortable with his behavior." In this episode, Sarene speaks of her experience in the work environment of Rolling Stone magazine from over 10 years ago. This individual no longer works at Rolling Stone, and in Sarene's words, "I can't speak for Rolling Stone and its work culture for the past ten years. But I can speak to my experience from 2007 to 2014." She describes the toxic work environment and the effect it had on her. "Jann Wenner fueled the boys' club attitude...The reason that my boss treated me the way that he did was because of Jann Wenner's attitude."

When surrounded with a work environment that ignored the passive aggressive gestures of her boss, Sarene questioned her own perspective and feelings. Her coworkers tolerated and even rewarded the inexcusable behavior of their boss to further their own career. But Sarene simply could not do that. She began putting boundaries in place and was shocked at the fallout. Her story is compelling and inspiring. Hearing her share how she stood her ground and flourished from the choices she made is encouraging in this world of narcissistic abuse.

To learn more about Sarene's work, check out these links.
"Emotional Abuse Is Real" podcast:
https://emotionalabuseisreal.buzzsprout.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sareneleedswrites/

Website: sareneleedswrites.com

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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How do I move forward? Q&A with Eleanor Marks

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 28 Apr 2024 16:00:27 +0000

“I’m in my second marriage and married almost 2 years. I’m realizing he’s a covert narcissist. I am mad at myself because I didn’t think I’d find myself here again, and now learning so much on codependency. I’m on a roller coaster. I have caught him in so many lies. I don’t know why I try to get him to admit it when I know it’s constant lies. I am feeling so much in my chest, and it’s building. He does nice things for me and when I don’t show appreciation adequately he gets weird, like I didn’t show it correctly. I can’t define this ache in my chest but it’s building. Like a scream that can’t come out. I know I need to leave, but I’m frozen. How do I move forward?

“How did you keep your resolve? I've made steps toward leaving: working with a therapist, saving money, looking for a new place to live, and consulting an attorney. Attorneys advise that if you want to keep your rights to the property DON'T LEAVE IT. Instead, ask the other person how ending the relationship is going to look with the house, child custody, etc first. In keeping with the legal advice, I TOLD HIM a couple of weeks ago that I wanted to separate and asked what dealing with the house and agreeing on child custody would look like. We argued for several hours and then he backed down and essentially changed the subject (not the first time this tactic has been used). Since then, things are going OK - more peaceful and he is acknowledging when he's doing SOME things that perpetuate arguments between us and backing off - and yet I find I don't care and still want out. Is this time of peace a ruse? Another manipulation? How did you stick to your plans once you made them and the covert narcissist started "behaving", for lack of a better word?”

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://eleanormarks.net/

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

It’s a Yo-Yo Relationship

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 25 Apr 2024 17:00:00 +0000

In this episode, Caryn Dixon tells her story publicly for the first time. Like so many others, she was in that yo-yo relationship. On again and off again. Thinking “this is over” only to give him one more chance. Trapped by hope and the belief that he will change, Caryn dug in to save her marriage many times.

There is nothing wrong with you for choosing to believe in the person you married, for wanting to work things out with them, for fighting for the relationship, for hanging onto hope. These are not the signs that one is broken. The signs that we have been broken by this person are when our hope is gone, when we don’t have anything left, when we just don’t care anymore. That is our breaking point.

In sharing her story, Caryn gives a message of hope. She followed her heart and is chasing her dreams now. No matter how isolated you are, you can get through this. It is time to reach out for help and find the support that you need.

From her song, “Here I am,”

“They told me that I couldn’t fly. Gave a million reasons why I shouldn’t try. But I didn’t listen.

Well, I stumbled and I hit the ground. Get up and go another round. So here I am.”

https://www.caryndixonmusic.com/

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#abuse #covertnarcissism #podcast #gaslighting #marriedtoanarcissist #narcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

7 Ways that a Covert Narcissist Reacts

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 21 Apr 2024 17:00:00 +0000

Have you ever called a covert narcissist out for something they have done? How did it go?
While every situation is different, so many stories from victims of covert narcissistic abuse are the same. It is as though we are all talking about the same person. The similarities are shocking! In this episode, I explore 7 ways that covert narcissists often react when you tell them how you feel about something, especially about something they did or said. These range from instant frustration and anger aimed at you to self-deprecating comments aimed at them. You get everything from narcissistic rage to narcissistic collapse. Throw into this mix gaslighting and silent treatments. This can be quite a roller coaster. And it all began because you asked them to take the trash out!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#abuse #covertnarcissism #podcast #gaslighting #marriedtoanarcissist #narcissism

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Tackling Tough Questions with Eleanor Marks

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 19 Apr 2024 02:21:21 +0000

In this chat with Eleanor Marks and Renee Swanson, they address somes questions brought to them in the Facebook group, Covert Narcissism Group.
One member said that she is wondering about helpful things to know when dealing with an attorney who only understands the general ‘narcissist’ definition but not all the underlying behavior issues that compose a covert narcissist. This is a very tough situation, especially in today's world where courts won't even allow you to say the word 'narcissist.' That word is thrown around too much and this takes away from those who have truly suffered at the hands of a narcissist. How do we address this with our attorneys?

Another member asked about the actual leaving part, especially with kids. She asked for examples of exit plans and what the actual day or week look like. She is also "very curious of the articulate child’s reflection of splitting time between a chaotic covert narcissistic parent and a more stable parent."

This path is a very personal path with a lot of circumstances to consider. If you would like to meet individually with Renee Swanson for coaching specific to dealing with a covert narcissist and for strategies for helping your kids through this, please visit her website to schedule an individual session.
CNG Life Coaching Sessions — Community n' Grace

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#abuse #covertnarcissism #podcast #gaslighting #marriedtoanarcissist #narcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Are compassion and empathy the same?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 14 Apr 2024 17:00:00 +0000

Understanding the difference between compassion and empathy is important for anyone who is dealing with a non-empathetic person, such as a covert narcissist. Compassion and empathy are both in response to the emotions and needs of another person. Both involve some level of awareness of the other person’s needs.

By definition, compassion is the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and are motivated to relieve that suffering. Covert narcissists can have this and often do compassionate acts, especially when motivated by outside factors. When they do however, it seems to be empty and have no substance behind it. Empathy, by definition, is the ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling. This is lacking with covert narcissistic people and leaves a trail of hurt, neglect and abandonment.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#abuse #covertnarcissism #podcast #gaslighting #marriedtoanarcissist #narcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Guest episode with Brandon Chadwick from Narcissist Apocalypse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 12 Apr 2024 04:10:13 +0000

Today, we welcome Brandon Chadwick as a guest on the Covert Narcissism Podcast. Brandon has his own podcast called, The Narcissist Apocalypse Podcast. In his podcast, Brandon shares a variety of stories from survivors of narcissistic abuse. These stories are raw and unfiltered examples of dealing with this type of abuse and the effects of it. In today’s episode, you are invited to listen in on a conversation between Brandon and Renee about how they each got started on this journey. Both Brandon and Renee share a passion for helping our world in the midst of this narcissistic nightmare and there passion began in different places. We know you will enjoy hearing this conversation. Welcome Brandon!

For more information on Brandon's work, check out these links below

narcissistapocalypse@gmail.com

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

https://narcissistapocalypse.com/

Instagram - @narcissistapocalypse

Youtube - @narcissistapocalypse264

Podcast - Narcissist Apocalypse

https://lnk.to/domesticabuse

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3 Effects of Covert Narcissistic Parenting

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 7 Apr 2024 17:00:00 +0000

Covert narcissists are bullies as parents, and their impact on the children is traumatic and long-lasting.
For those listening who were raised by a covert narcissistic parent, identifying these effects within you is vital. This allows you to start that process of no longer blaming yourself and healing that internal shame. You do matter! You are good enough! This is not your fault!

For those listening who are parenting with a covert narcissistic parent, please learn the effects this is having on your children. You will see these signs in them. They will need your help in identifying them and working through them. Your kids do matter! They are good enough! This is certainly not their fault!

3 effects of Covert Narcissistic Parenting

While the child knows that perfect does not exist, it is still their goal.
The child holds others around them to that same level of perfect as well.
The child cannot handle criticism.

In this episode, I explore these effects in greater detail. In upcoming episodes, I will give you strategies on how to work through these effects and find healing for the trauma within.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#abuse #covertnarcissism #podcast #gaslighting #marriedtoanarcissist #narcissism #bullying

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Covert Narcissistic Parents are Bullies

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 4 Apr 2024 22:14:22 +0000

When children have a narcissistic parent, they are being parented by a bully. They cannot possibly escape this situation. They cannot make sense out of it. They cannot reach out for help. Dealing with a bully is traumatic and harmful.

Here are three effects that narcissistic parenting, bully parenting, has on their children.

While the child knows that perfect does not exist, it is still their goal.
The child holds others around them to that same level of perfect as well.
The child cannot handle criticism.

If you are parenting with a covert narcissistic partner, your kids are confused and hurting. But one genuine, honest, open, unconditional relationship with you is enough to help them break through that confusion. In the upcoming Sunday episode, I will explore the effects of this bullying in greater detail, as well as give you ways that you can help your kids through this difficult scenario. I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing.

#abuse #covertnarcissism #podcast #gaslighting #marriedtoanarcissist #narcissism

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Stopping the Self-Doubt to Become Narcissist Resilient

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 31 Mar 2024 17:00:00 +0000

Let’s say I’m a covert narcissist, and I’m looking for a partner. Who am I looking for?

I believe that I am the best thing ever, that I am right all the time, that my opinion is all that matters. So who do I need? I need someone who doubts themselves.

The best victim of gaslighting is someone who doubts themselves. One piece that makes someone quite vulnerable to gaslighting and manipulation is when their own sense of self is too reliant on the opinions of others. When we put too much weight in the belief of others to the detriment of our own belief in ourselves.

What does it look like when our self-image is reliant on other people?

Who am I becomes who do people think I am. What do they think about me? Do they like to be around me? Am I helpful to them? Do they think I did a bad job? Do they think I’m too angry, too happy, too emotional, not emotional enough and so on?

Turning off this deferment to other people for our own belief in ourselves is a giant step in making yourself more narcissist resilient. Your greatest ally against narcissistic abuse is yourself!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Victims Often Join the Abuse Themselves ( Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 29 Mar 2024 04:44:41 +0000

Not only do victims of covert narcissistic abuse not see the abuse, they often join the abuser in abusing themselves. It’s the perfect storm built by this abuser in your life. Their circular conversations, projection, blame shifting, guilt manipulating, and many other tactics leave you, the victim, in complete confusion.
You accept the projecting, blaming and guilting. You defend yourself but the circular conversations convince you that you are wrong. Ultimately, you decide that maybe you are the problem. You blame yourself. You make it all your fault. You do everything you can to fix it.
You hold yourself to unreasonable standards and expectations. While the covert narcissist in your life sits and watches.
You are brainwashed into hating yourself. You squash your own self-esteem without even realizing what is going on.
The self-abuse must stop! You do deserve the help and support! You are worthy of your own love and care.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Terrifying Narcissistic Traits in Our Children

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 24 Mar 2024 17:52:45 +0000

In this Q&A session with Renee Swanson and Eleanor Marks, we answer two questions from the Covert Narcissism Facebook Group.
How do you deal with the golden child and help them to unlearn concerning narcissistic traits without disparaging the other parent?
How do you maintain a relationship with said child when also trying to protect yourself and heal from the narcissistic abuse trauma?

These are tough questions that so many people in our world are struggling with. Whether a child is used as the golden child, the scapegoat, or some combination of the two, these kids do pick up some narcissistic traits of their own. This is a protective survival reaction to not feeling emotional or psychologically safe. Even in homes without a narcissistic parent, kids will still go through phases of not feeling safe to be themselves and thus pick up some narcissistic traits. This is especially true in the teenage years.

We address these questions in this episode. Thank you to our member for the questions and to everyone who is working to make our world a better place.
I wish you much peace on your journey of healing!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Blame Shifting - A Powerful Tool for the Covert Narcissist (Special throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 21 Mar 2024 17:00:00 +0000

f you don't tell me to do it, then it is your fault that it didn't get done. If you tell me to do it, then it is your fault if it doesn't go right.
Have you ever heard these words or experienced these attitudes? Covert narcissists are SO good at dodging responsibility.
I used to wonder why he wouldn’t even choose the restaurant for our dinner. Many years later, I discovered that he wouldn’t choose so that nothing could ever be his fault. Why would he not make the plans for our vacation? But yet he would be so mad at me for the plans I made. He would not make the plans so that nothing would ever be his fault. And yet he would be mad at me because everything was my fault.
He didn’t help do the chores around the house because he didn’t want to do it wrong and make me mad. So he just did nothing! In his mind, then I could not be mad at him because he didn’t do anything wrong.
Blame shifting is a common weapon for a covert narcissist. If you are listening to this today - stop taking the blame for their faults. Stop taking responsibility for their stuff. You are not doing them or yourself any favors. They have their life to live. They have their own to answer for. Don’t let them lay this on your shoulders anymore!!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Strengthening Your Narcissist Immune System

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 17 Mar 2024 17:00:00 +0000

We all have an immune system inside us. Its purpose is to fight harmful substances that enter the body. It builds a defense against invaders by keeping a record of every germ it has ever defeated so it can recognise and destroy the invading germ quickly if it ever enters the body again. This drastically limits the amount of harm an invader can do if they do manage to get in. In order to function properly, the immune system has to be able to tell the difference between invader cells and non-invader cells. So the system is constantly learning and evolving.

So what if we had a narcissist immune system?

An adaptive system that learns about previous exposure and protects us going forward. You already have this type of system. Let's learn how to maximize its potential! It is time to build narcissist resiliency.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Narcissism Spectrum (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 14 Mar 2024 22:50:03 +0000

Narcissism is not a clear cut issue. It isn’t a yes or no answer. It is an extremely complicated issue. One minute you can feel like you have a grasp on it, and the next minute that grasp simply disappears.

You can think you finally understand it and then be at a loss for words in trying to explain it to someone else. “I got it. This makes sense,” you think. The next day you wake up, and everything is all jumbled up again. What really is narcissism? Is this really how he/she is acting? Are they or are they not a narcissist?

Yes they are! Well, maybe they aren’t. No, they can’t be. Yes, they definitely are! Around and around we go inside our own heads.

Narcissism is not a pass/fail test. It isn’t you either are or you aren’t. It just isn’t that simple.
Narcissism is on a spectrum, with extreme codependency on one end and extreme narcissism on the other. In a very simplified explanation, codependency is putting everyone else’s needs far above your own, unable to care for your own needs. Narcissism is putting your own needs far above anyone else’s, unable to care for anyone else’s needs.
This spectrum is not static. People fluctuate on it. Just because you see narcissistic traits does not automatically mean your partner or family member is a narcissist. Equally true, just because you see some compassionate moments does not automatically mean that this person is not a narcissist.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert Narcissism Q&A with Eleanor Marks

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 10 Mar 2024 18:18:57 +0000

In this brand new series, I am doing a Q&A session with Eleanor Marks. We are answering questions that come directly from my Facebook group, Covert Narcissism Group. Today we begin with two questions.

John asks for tips and help on recovery in the early part of this journey, for help on how to heal.
Self-care is crucial when it comes to healing. Doing things such as journaling, meditating, and educating yourself are all vital steps on this journey. Challenging our own imperative thinking, such as "I should this or that," "I must do this better," and so on, takes the pressure off our own shoulders and gives us the breathing space we need for healing.

Maren asks I would like to know how best to handle a child who is so worried about hurting her father's feelings that she'll lie to not make him feel sad. He apparently feels sad quite frequently and she feels responsible.
Our kids go through much of the same confusion that we do. They work extra hard to keep the peace with the narcissistic parent too. Unlike adults, they do not have the life experience to figure out what is going on. Their cognitive dissonance lasts much longer. Finding ways to validate the compassion inside of them while also helping them to not taking responsibility for the manipulative parent is a tricky balance. One that will ebb and flow throughout the developing years of a child.

These are great questions. I hope you benefit from the episode. We will be doing more of these joint sessions. Join the Facebook group to follow the conversations there.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/covertnarcissism

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Story of Hope: Taking Pride in the Little Things Once Again

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 7 Mar 2024 18:00:00 +0000

Today’s guest Dave shares his enjoyment is trimming the bushes in front of his house because now it is HIS house. After going through over two years of the divorce process, he finds peace for himself and his kids. He admits that it is incredibly difficult to celebrate this as he is flooded with sadness at the trajectory of his marriage. At the same time, though, he chooses to embrace the quiet peacefulness of his home.

The CNG group coaching session was pivotal for him. He began these groups just as he was beginning his discovery of covert narcissism and continued through much of his divorce process. During this time, he discovered the incredible value in helping others who are living this. As you are removed from the emotional heaviness of someone else’s situation, gaining perspective on their situation is easier to do. At the same time, it helps you to see your own situation in a new light.

For more information on the CNG group coaching sessions, please visit www.covertnarcissism.com

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Our Kids Need Us

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 3 Mar 2024 18:00:00 +0000

Welcome back. I am again talking about covert narcissism, and in specific, parenting with a partner who is showing the traits of covert narcissism. These kids go through a lot. Everyone has wounds from childhood. This is true. But the more educated we can become about the types of wounds and specific nature of the wounds, the better we are able to heal our own wounds and also the better we are able to help our children.

I cannot express enough how important it is to live a life of growth, recovery, healing, self-reflection, accountability, vulnerability in front of your kids. Children learn by mimicking those around them. They copy behaviors to find what works for them and what doesn’t.

So in this situation, you already have one parent who is manipulative, coercive, controlling, passive aggressive, hyper sensitive, overly reactive, and taking no personal responsibility. Often in these homes, the non-narcissistic parent over-compensates. We try to control what our kids see and experience. We try to fix everything. We try to deny the reality that they are already living with the narcissistic parent in an effort to protect them from it. We try to be “perfect” for them.

What we are missing though is that our kids don’t need perfect, they need human!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Breaking the Internal Chains of Abuse (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 29 Feb 2024 22:30:40 +0000

Memories can absolutely haunt victims of covert narcissistic abuse for years!! They trigger us, causing massive internal reactions. Anxiety, tension, pain in the gut, shaking, twitching, upset stomach, increased blood pressure and heart rate, panic attacks, and so on.
All of this from a simple memory that still haunts you today. This is PTSD and can create problems for years, decades, even the rest of your life.
December 2nd was a significant day in my world with my covert narcissistic husband, who is now my ex. This year I was purposeful about breaking those memories and turning that date around in my world. Here is my story!!
Remember, you are stronger than you know! You can break these internal chains too! I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

5 Effects of Covert Narcissistic Parenting on Our Kids

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 25 Feb 2024 18:00:00 +0000

Covert narcissistic parenting has a massive effect on our children! It leaves gaping holes in their development, which can haunt them for the rest of their lives. And they have NO clue in the early years. They don’t see the abuse in those really young ages, but they certainly feel it.

Kids aren’t stupid, They know how they feel. They experience their feelings, even if they can’t verbalize them yet. They know when they feel loved and when they don’t. They know when they feel accepted and validated and when they don’t. But they are missing one key ability, the ability to lay blame where blame belongs.

There seems to be a pre-written script that will play out in most of these kids' lives, if not all. They will blame themselves, and this self-blame is so incredibly damaging!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Stories of Hope: Take a Sabbatical

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 23 Feb 2024 05:43:18 +0000

I'm drowning in a world of narcissism. I think about it the minute I wake up, all day long, and the last thought before I fall asleep. It is all consuming. Never in my life have I ever absorbed as much information as I have on covert narcissism. I have watched every video, read every book, listened to every podcast, talked to anyone who would listen.

I just can't think about this any longer. Not one more thought. I just don't have it in me. I have nothing left! I can’t read another word! I have no room left in my brain. No space for one single thought more. It’s full. I’m full. I’m done. I need a break! But how? I don’t even know how to stop thinking about it, about him, about the abusive behaviors, the why, the how, the kids, the effects. How do I turn my brain off for a while?

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert Narcissism and the Parent Label

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 18 Feb 2024 18:00:00 +0000

"I am the mom! I know everything and am right about everything."

"I am the dad! I know how to handle life. Don’t tell me what to do."

It is true that parents know more than kids, yes. It is also true that parents have more life experience and thus can reason through things more than kids can. Sure. However, parents don’t know everything. They are not always right. Unless of course, you are a covert narcissist. Covert narcissists hide behind images that they believe give them superiority and status. Becoming a parent simply adds to their label repertoire. They wear that parent label as though it now means they are the dominant ruler of their kingdom, and the kids pay a price for this.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I Married a Salesman

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 15 Feb 2024 18:00:00 +0000

Kathleen bought into the sales pitch of the top notch salesman. He sold himself to her with great sales pitches, carrying the "same" interests, beliefs and values. He seemed so caring and altruistic. She thought, "Wow, this is a prince of a guy." As time went by, she came to the realization that, like his job, she was simply another conquest for him. He was not the guy she thought he was.

The salesman approach continued to infiltrate their marriage as he continued to sell himself to her. His smooth sales pitches repeatedly convinced her that he was right and that his way was best. Kathleen spent years spinning in circles, buying into his pitch over and over.

Until the day, in a 40 year marriage, that she said, "No more!"

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Can I Have a Healthy Relationship After Covert Narcissism?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 11 Feb 2024 18:00:00 +0000

“I divorced a narcissist 10 years ago and now I am married to another one! How in the world did that happen??”

I have talked to so many people who have gone from one narcissistic relationship to another. Finally divorced one narcissist only to find themselves in a relationship with yet another one. For some this may even be a lifetime of many narcissistic relationships. The thought of being trapped in another relationship with a narcissist is terrifying!

How do I keep this from happening? Do I just need to stay single for the rest of my life? How will I ever know that they are not a narcissist, especially when I never saw the covert narcissist that was right in front of me?

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Story of Hope: Learning to Protect Yourself Part Two

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 8 Feb 2024 18:00:00 +0000

When dealing with covert narcissism, it is so difficult to give yourself permission to set boundaries, physically, emotionally, mentally, and psychologically. Yet those boundaries are so vitally important! Within those boundaries comes healing and hope!

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Protect Yourself From Narcissistic Mirroring

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 4 Feb 2024 18:00:00 +0000

Learning the signs of narcissistic mirroring gives you the knowledge you need to keep from being hooked by it. Victim switching, inconsistencies in their behaviors, lack of self and fast intense connections are all things to watch out for. Learn what to do when you see signs of mirroring to help build healthier relationships. Build your own sense of self and get back in touch with your own intuition. Prioritize your self care and set healthy boundaries around who you are. Your own strong and healthy sense of self is the beautiful YOU!

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Story of Hope: Learning to Protect Yourself Part One

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 1 Feb 2024 21:52:25 +0000

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Narcissistic Mirroring

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 28 Jan 2024 18:00:00 +0000

How did I get stuck in an exploitative and manipulative relationship?
Entitlement, power trips, jealousy, guilt trips, manipulation, passive aggressiveness, dishonesty, gaslighting!!

How did I get here? How is it that I am living with this on a daily basis, even excusing it, downplaying it, and justifying it? How did I come to accept this behavior as normal?

Narcissistic mirroring is defined as a manipulation tactic used by narcissistic individuals to create a false sense of connection with another person by mimicking their thoughts, feelings, interests, or behaviors. It is a calculated and intentional act to activate the other person's feelings of empathy and cause them to feel connected to the narcissist. It is a manipulation to lure their target in and to earn their trust, for their own self-interest and gain.

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Stories of Hope: From Overt Narcissism to Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 25 Jan 2024 18:00:00 +0000

An overt narcissist uses couples therapy to improve on the outside. However, the inner traits of narcissism remain and in fact become more refined. Putting on the mask to hide the narcissism simply shows up now as passive aggressiveness and covert narcissism.

Narcissists can appear to be doing the work and getting better. Sometimes this just means they are hiding the entitlement, arrogance, superiority and contempt more effectively. The underlying issues still exist. Therapy often helps them to become more covert, keeping us trapped in the belief that they are getting better for years to come.

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Covert Narcissists are Chameleons

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 21 Jan 2024 18:00:00 +0000

Chameleons change colors according to their environment or their intentions. They change colors to attract mates and to tell intruders to stay away. They hide from their prey and they hide from their predators.

A chameleon type covert narcissist is one who uses their image as their basis of manipulation on others. Covert narcissists rely heavily on their image of themselves for the different roles they see themselves in.

They create this image in their head of who they are, and they want others to believe in this image. So they change their color to manipulate those around them into thinking certain things about them. This is different from adaptability and needs to be explored in your education about covert narcissists.

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Story of Hope: From the Suffocating Dark Cloud of Narcissism to the Brightness and Peace

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 18 Jan 2024 18:00:00 +0000

In this episode, Jean shares her story of hope. Looking back in her marriage, she sees the beginning of doubting herself. She was squashed and made to feel unworthy over and over. Along with this, she was so convinced that she needed him, the covert narcissist in her life, and that he was her emotional support.

In facing this darkness and its internal effect on her, she found her escape from the suffocating and abusive environment. She realized that the emotional support she needed was inside of her. It had been there all along. The voices of doubt lost their grip on her, and she sees positive in herself now. As the heaviness lifts, doors of new opportunities and great potential have opened. Now, her days begin with brightness and peace.

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”You did that ON PURPOSE!” The Hurt Feelings of a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 14 Jan 2024 18:00:00 +0000

I’ve worked with children most of my life in different capacities. One of the things they say that bothers me the most is, “They did that ON PURPOSE!”

One kid swinging his arms around in the room. Another child walks by and gets hit by those swinging arms. They run to the teacher and through their tears declare, “They hit me ON PURPOSE.”

This is what it is like living with a covert narcissist. Except they are an adult still behaving this way. They are convinced that you have hurt them ON PURPOSE and they refuse to allow reconciliation to be easy if at all.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Story of Hope: Surviving the Crash of a Fairy Tale Marriage

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 11 Jan 2024 18:00:00 +0000

Being raised to be a “good girl” sets many of us up for a manipulative and abusive marriage. This is Kathy’s story today. She approached this marriage with so much love, compassion and dedication. He used all of this against her.

In her escape and recovery, she asks, “Why didn’t he see the goodness in me that I believed was there? Others saw it, but he never did. What I needed to do was to see the goodness myself.” A huge part of our healing is embracing who we are and no longer leaning on them for our own validation.

With the strength of a support group around her, she got through this crash and is now embracing a new life. Sure there are phases of anger and bitterness. In working through those phases, one can become more in tune with our ability to love and receive love. It starts with loving ourselves! Her story is a Story of Hope.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Story of Hope after Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 7 Jan 2024 18:00:00 +0000

With story after story begin full of pain, confusion, anger and depression, it is time to hear some stories of hope. There is life after narcissism!
Peace can be found, not from others, but from within yourself.

I am doing a mini series of guest episodes with Stories of Hope. I start by sharing my own story of hope. After being in the darkest place in my life, I am now living a life full of happiness and peace. I have rich relationships with my family and friends. It isn't perfect, but perfect isn't the goal. I don't want perfect. I want normal!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Narcissist’s Prayer Pt 2 (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 5 Jan 2024 04:19:29 +0000

This 2-part series on the Narcissist’s prayer serves a guide through the circular conversations and manipulative tactics of a covert narcissist. Each step expresses a ploy used by the covert narcissist to take the pressure off of them and put it onto you.
These tactics include gaslighting, denial, guilt manipulation, passive aggressiveness, blame shifting, victim playing, projecting and a complete unwillingness to have any give.
The covert narcissist might not use these exact words, but the attitudes are definitely conveyed.
•That didn't happen.
•And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
•And if it was, that's not a big deal.
•And if it is, that's not my fault.
•And if it was, I didn't mean it.
•And if I did, you deserved it.
They will absolutely blame you for what they did and use illogical arguments to persuade you. These are even delivered with such conviction that you will find yourself fooled. They will spin the direction of the arguments so quickly that you don’t even know what is going on. You are agreeing with them to keep the peace and don’t even know what you are agreeing to.
You are left utterly confused, while you are apologizing to them! For something…there’s a good chance you don’t even know for what.
Whether you leave or stay is up to you. But make the choice with your eyes open. Know your reality and trust your heart! I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

It’s Impossible to Find Normal with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 31 Dec 2023 18:06:13 +0000

One of the worst things you can say to a victim of covert narcissistic abuse is “every family has their issues. No one is perfect.”

Just saying this statement now makes my skin crawl. As a victim of covert narcissistic abuse, when a friend would tell me, well every family has their issues, it completely invalidated everything that I was going through. It was like I now had no room to say anything else about what was going on.

I mean what was I going to say, “No they don’t. Everyone else is perfect.”

Or - “Oh really? Tell me what issues you have.” And then try to make light of their situation.

When these words would come out of someone else's mouth, I felt completely unheard. And that no matter what I said from here, I was going to sound desperate and petty, like a constant complainer, never happy.

The message that was communicated to me was that no one was perfect. I wanted to scream, I don't want perfect! That's not what I was after. I did not know the words at the time, but I know them now. I just wanted normal.

Doctor Ramani video referenced in this episode

https://youtu.be/Bj5hVoaiKFw?feature=shared

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Narcissist’s Prayer Part 1 (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 29 Dec 2023 22:43:56 +0000

That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.

This short verse illustrates the inner workings of a covert narcissist’s mind. This sums up all the circular conversations, gaslighting, denial, guilt manipulation, passive aggressiveness, blame shifting, victim playing, projecting, and absolutely no give of a covert narcissist.
The truth is simply whatever serves the narcissist at that particular time. This truth changes as needed, sometimes at a very quick pace. This plays into everything we have been talking about on this podcast.

You are left utterly confused, while you are apologizing to them! For something…there’s a good chance you don’t even know what for.

You walk away in total confusion, feeling completely unheard, and having no idea where things are with this relationship. Are we good? Are we getting better? Are we making progress? Whether you leave a relationship or stay is up to you. But make the choice with your eyes open. Know your reality and trust your heart! I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How to Set Boundaries with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 24 Dec 2023 18:00:00 +0000

People often come to me and say, “I need to get better at setting boundaries.” Ok, what have you tried so far?

I tried telling him/her - I don’t like it when you call me sweetie. I don’t like that name.

What happened?

He told me, “but it is because you are SO sweet to me and I can’t believe that you have a problem with me showing my gratitude. You know that really hurts.” So now I feel bad for asking him not to call me that. It isn’t that big of a deal. I should be more appreciative.

Setting boundaries with a covert narcissist often backfires. They weaponize it against you, causing you to feel guilty for saying anything in the first place. So how do we set boundaries?

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Episode 5 - How Do We Turn the Survival Skills Off?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 22 Dec 2023 02:42:21 +0000

So how do we build healthy relationships after being with a covert narcissist? How are these trauma responses affecting us still? How do we turn them off?
Our trauma responses to an abusive environment are survival skills and natural instincts under threatening circumstances. They range from physical outbursts of yelling and throwing things to internal reactions of shutting down and internalizing everything. These learned behaviors affect our lives drastically and all of our relationships with others.
Turning these survival tactics off is crucial to setting yourself up for a more relaxed life and healthy relationships. Learning to relax and trust life again are vital steps to break the cycle of abusive partners and to attract healthier people into your life. Here are some specific tools you need for this journey of healing!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Why is it so Hard to Set Boundaries with a Covert Narcissist?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 17 Dec 2023 18:00:00 +0000

Have you ever been around someone who believes the rules don’t apply to them?

Of course you have or you wouldn’t be here listening to me.

Do not trespass means they must walk here, even just a step or two.

Do not touch means just a little, only one finger.

Even stop signs mean don't stop all the way.

This lack of honoring boundaries is absolutely a narcissistic trait. And if they won’t follow societal rules of wait in line or speed limits, what makes you think they will observe your boundaries? Why would we think they will listen to and honor our boundaries of "don’t make fun of me, yell at me or call me names?" They won’t. They don’t want to.

They don’t even want to wait their turn in a coffee shop. Do you really think they will hear your boundaries?

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Episode 4 - The Survival Skills of a Covert Narcissist and their Victim

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 15 Dec 2023 13:33:01 +0000

Have you ever wondered if you are the narcissist in this relationship? Maybe you have even been accused of it by your abusive partner? Have you seen glimpses within yourself of narcissistic reactions?
There are very distinct reasons that you see signs of narcissism in you or your children, and they have to do with the survival skills we have been discussing in this series. No, this does not make you a narcissist! I want to explain to you why you see this, what really is happening, and what to do about it.
Narcissism is a learned set of survival skills that becomes one’s entire personality and their way of interacting with their world. Let me explain what I mean. This covert narcissist in your life has put you into an environment where you, over time, begin living from your own survival skills. The trauma responses we have been talking about in this series. I will say again - these are normal and healthy responses to an abusive environment.
One large problem is that they look an awful lot like the survival skills that narcissists live by. They are just glimpses of it, not your entire being, but these glimpses can leave many victims confused and worried.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Walking on Eggshells

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 10 Dec 2023 18:00:00 +0000

I heard the phrase walking on eggshells, and I thought, “I’m sure glad that I’m not living that way.” This applied to other people. People who were not at liberty to say what they wanted to say. They had to guard their words. I’m so glad I don’t live like that. This was clearly people who were in manipulative and controlling relationships.

I felt bad for them. They should probably get out. I wonder if I should help them. I’m glad I don’t deal with that. I mean I can say anything I want. I have that freedom. I just know that I probably shouldn’t. It certainly isn’t worth the price.

So long as I am just careful about what I say and how, it goes okay. I mean most of the time. Well, at least some of the time. It’s okay though. I know how to handle that. I just make sure that I don’t say anything more about it because the reaction will be strong. But that’s okay. No big deal. At least I’m not walking on eggshells.

I’m not afraid of him. He would never hit me or cause too big of a scene, at least not publicly. Maybe a small scene, or even a medium one. But I’m not afraid of him. Well, my stomach does do flip flops. I really need to work on my stress management and my anxiety level. I’ve been that way for a long time. This is something I have to work on in me. But at least I’m not afraid of him, well, maybe emotionally I am. I mean, I can’t really let my guard down around him. But at least I’m not walking on eggshells.

What actually is this walking on eggshells? Maybe I need to learn more.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Episode 3 Tactical Responses to the Trauma of Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 7 Dec 2023 23:37:14 +0000

Have you ever found yourself to be extremely defensive, feeling the need to protect yourself before anyone even attacks? How about having the burning need to be perfect so nothing ever goes wrong?
When you are living in an abusive situation, physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, you develop survival tactics. As a human being, you are wired to protect yourself. This is normal!
The tactical responses we have come from the drive to take the situation at hand and find ways to make it work. It is driven by the intense desire to fix this! You won’t give up on the relationship for whatever reason and are determined to survive this. You might even feel like you are then making it work. I am fixing this! But it isn’t sustainable!!
Defensiveness and trying to be perfect create so many problems in our life and can haunt us as we try to move into future relationships. They work against healthy relationships and can leave you trapped in a cycle of abusive ones. Make a plan for stopping these trauma responses and regaining control of your life again!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Learning on the Appalachian Trail

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 3 Dec 2023 18:00:00 +0000

Have you ever made a bucket list? Things you want to do in this world. You should! Why not? What would be on your bucket list?

Not only are they fun, these adventures, big or small, give us so many opportunities to learn in life.

A year and a half ago, I jumped out of an airplane. I never dreamed I would actually do this. My boys really wanted to, and they wanted me to join them. You want me to do what? Hey, this could be fun, this could be exciting, this could be terrifying. With excitement and fear, I agreed.

Free falling from an airplane for 60 seconds, dropping 8500 feet and reaching 120 miles per hour is the most intense and utterly terrifying thing I have ever done. But it was amazing!! I learned a lot about myself and about life that day.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Two weeks ago, I started another item on my bucket list - backpacking the Appalachian Trail. Even just the first section hike tied so closely to my life with a covert narcissist. The correlations and analogies are quite eye-opening. When I learn life lessons from time spent in nature, these lessons stick with me for years. I am eager to see where this bucket list, hiking the Appalachian Trail, leads me. As I go through this short story, see if you can see the correlations to life with a covert narcissist.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Episode 2 - Internal Trauma Responses to Covert Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 30 Nov 2023 18:00:00 +0000

Has your partner ever accused you of pulling away from the relationship? Of shutting down? Of being emotionally unavailable? Maybe you even feel that you are. Then you wonder if this is all your fault for not being engaged with them anymore. This is another example of reactive abuse or trauma response.
My husband accused me of pulling away emotionally. I wanted to scream, Of course I’m pulling away! Even a child knows to pull away when they have been hurt over and over again. I was accused of not being emotionally available to him anymore. Of course I’m not!
I had peeled open my heart and laid it at his feet repeatedly. And he had stomped all over it again and again. You want me to continue making myself available for that??? You can’t be serious? Do you really not understand this? Can you really not see why I pull away?
After all the attempts I made at explaining this to him, I could not believe that he could stand there and tell me that I should be more emotionally available to him! You have got to be kidding me!
Shutting down is a normal and common trauma response to an abusive environment. Don’t judge your responses. They are completely justified and understandable. Identify where they came from. An abusive environment. They are survival skills. But you don’t need these survival skills in a safe environment. As you learn more about them, you will begin the process of letting them go.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Point of No Return

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 18:00:00 +0000

There is an invisible line, imaginary and yet very real, that once pushed past it, you simply cannot come back. No amount of effort will bring you back from this point of no return.

Brinkmanship is the art of pursuing a dangerous policy to the limits of safety before stopping. The dangerous policy is mistreating others, dismissing them, invalidating them, blaming them, yelling at them, cheating on them. The limit of safety refers to how far can I push them before they leave me. A game that narcissistic individuals perfect. Until the day that they push you too far. That day when the breadcrumbs just don't work anymore.

When they push you too far, they still try their tactics of pulling you to safety. They turn nice again, but it just doesn't work. You don't have any care left.
This might lead you to ask, "What's wrong with me? Why don't I feel appreciative? Why am I not happy?"
They pushed you past the point of no return, and that's not your fault. Be gracious with yourself.

You just fell off a cliff, and it is time for some serious self-care!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. IT DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

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Episode 1 - Reactive Abuse: The Physical and Outward Reactions of Victims

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 23 Nov 2023 19:30:06 +0000

Have you wondered about your own sanity in all of this? Have you reached the end of your limit and simply exploded. Now you are the one yelling and screaming at him? Am I the abusive one? Should they come take me away?
Many victims have had these experiences and thoughts. You are not alone and you are not crazy!
What you are experiencing is often called reactive abuse. Have you ever heard of this? Reactive abuse is the survival skills we build in an abusive relationship just to protect ourselves. We want the pain to stop. We have tried so many other avenues. We are exhausted and now we are out of options. So we become aggressive, like a cornered cat. These are simply reactions to our abusive environment and lack of ability to stop it.
These can be emotional outbursts, yelling, screaming, even hitting. You have reached the end of your rope, just can’t take it anymore, and you explode. It can feel totally out of control and cause major issues for you as people now see you as the violent one.
These reactions can also be much more internal. Shutting down, keeping your mouth shut, unwilling to voice your opinion, giving in, over-thinking, over-analyzing, trying to be perfect.
They can even lie somewhere in the middle. Defensiveness, protecting yourself before anyone even attacks, explaining yourself when you don’t have to, anticipating problems way ahead and trying to divert them.
All of these are trauma responses and reasonable reactions to an unreasonable situation.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Narcissistic Relationships are Addictive Relationships

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 19 Nov 2023 18:00:00 +0000

Narcissistic relationships are quite addictive for both individuals. But that addiction looks different for each of them.

The victim of narcissistic abuse is addicted to the peaceful moments and love bombing. Love bombing is when they become whatever it is that you desire in the relationship. Your "perfect match." When these moments come, it is such a huge relief from the blaming, guilting, gaslighting, circular conversations and victim mentality. These moments of relief give the victim a massive hit of dopamine and erase months of bad behavior. Overtime, no matter how small the breadcrumbs get, the target of narcissistic abuse is addicted to them.

The narcissistic individual is addicted to all the effort their target pours in to pull them out of their abusive behavior. They are experts at playing the victim. Whatever you did that hurt them gives them a free pass to now treat you however they choose. Since their bad behavior is all your fault, you now pour massive amounts of time, energy and effort into making them feel better about themselves and about you. They are addicted to those intense efforts. Thus the bad behavior must continue in order for them to get their "fix."

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How to Save Our Kids During a Traumatic Divorce with a Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 17 Nov 2023 17:31:17 +0000

Psychologist Dr. Erica Ellis joins us in this episode. She brings wonderful expertise regarding high conflict divorce and how to protect the children. Dr. Ellis is not only a licensed psychologist, but also a best-selling author, and a leading expert on child centered divorce. After working with over 1,000 divorcing families, many of which were high-conflict, over the past 30 years, she has discovered the crucial steps that every parent must take to protect their children and create a healthy future for their new family.

For more information on her programs, click below:

https://www.coparentwithanarcissist.com/how-to-co-parent-with-a-narcissist4t8025u4?affiliate_id=3368483&aff_sub=&aff_sub2=&nopopup=false&noautoplay=false&cookiepreview=false

https://www.30daydivorcetriage.com/the-30-day-divorce-triage6qdephss?affiliate_id=3368483&aff_sub=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.coparentwithanarcissist.com%2Fhow-to-co-parent-with-a-narcissist4t8025u4%3Faffiliate_id%3D3368483%26aff_sub%3D%26aff_sub2%3D%26nopopup%3Dfalse%26noautoplay%3Dfalse%26cookiepreview%3Dfalse&aff_sub2=&nopopup=false&noautoplay=false&cookiepreview=false

With her unique approach to divorce, Dr. Ellis has helped countless families navigate the divorce process in a way that reduces conflict, stress, and uncertainty, and sets the children up for a lifetime of healthy relationships, emotional stability, and personal success.

The questions addressed in this episode include:

1) From a psychological perspective, why is it important to understand the difference between a true narcissist vs a person whose behavior/emotions have significantly deteriorated during the stress of a marriage ending?

2) Given how important it is to have realistic expectations for your narcissistic ex’s behavior, can you talk about why parenting itself poses such a challenge for them and how this tends to play out in their relationship with their children?

3) All of those challenges often leave the other parent feeling totally hopeless, helpless, and lacking any ability to protect themselves and their children from any further emotional damage. Can you talk about this sense of powerlessness and your thoughts about how to help people get beyond it?

4) I know that your main focus is on helping parents learn how to best protect their children from divorce-related damage. How is it possible to accomplish that goal when dealing with a narcissistic parent?

For more information on her programs, click below:

https://www.coparentwithanarcissist.com/how-to-co-parent-with-a-narcissist4t8025u4?affiliate_id=3368483&aff_sub=&aff_sub2=&nopopup=false&noautoplay=false&cookiepreview=false

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Power of Perception and Gaslighting

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 12 Nov 2023 18:00:00 +0000

What is gaslighting?
When someone denies you the right to your own perception.
Telling you that your perception is wrong.
Working to convince you that their perception is hard fact.
Ultimately causing you to doubt your own sense of reality and sense of self.

The perfect victim of gaslighting is someone who doubts themselves. The smallest glimpse of doubt in you leaves you vulnerable.
If you even hold a small piece of fear that what they are saying might be right, then you are hooked by their gaslighting.

For hoodies, t-shirts and other apparel click the link below
https://www.cnglifecoaching.com/store

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Guest episode on Pathological Lying

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 9 Nov 2023 23:27:04 +0000

The pathological lies of a covert narcissist leave a wake of devastation. Not only do they affect your immediate life and life choices, but they leave deep scars inside you as you unravel all the lies. In this episode, Julie tells her story as she woke up to over a decade of lies that drastically impacted her life.

Lies from a narcissistic person are not only to avoid personal responsibility. They are a tool to gain your sympathy, admiration, and attention. Narcissists build a life full of delusions, and these lies help keep their image in place. The lack of empathy in them allows them to create lie after lie with no care on how it affects you at all. There simply is no recognition of the cost to you.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Narcissistic Rage and Narcissistic Simmer

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 5 Nov 2023 18:00:00 +0000

What sets off narcissistic anger? Anything and everything!!
Asking them to help in the kitchen, asking them to pickup a few groceries on the way home - how dare I inconvenience them?
Asking them how much gas is in the car - how dare I challenge their expertise in caring for the car?

Chatting about how your day has been, chatting about your kids, telling them about how the kids are doing in school - they can’t be bothered by such mundane aspects of life

Minding my own business, not talking but just being, doing my own hobbies - how dare I not center my attention on them, how dare I put my attention elsewhere?

Asking them to keep the house quiet while the kids are asleep - how dare I tell them how to be in their own home?

Can we leave in 5 minutes for church? (The time we said we were going to leave, asked because he is still sitting on the bed in his pajamas playing on his phone) - “Do you even want me to go? I’m not going if you can’t even appreciate the effort I am putting in”

Running my windshield wipers on regular speed in my car - how dare you waste my hard-earned money by running your windshield wipers more than you should

Anything and everything is a potential catalyst for their narcissistic anger.

You are scrambling trying to figure out all the ways to interact with them that doesn’t set off their anger. But you can’t ever succeed at this. And that anger has two distinct faces that I want to talk about today - narcissistic rage and narcissistic simmer.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I Lost Myself to a Covert Narcissist (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 2 Nov 2023 17:00:00 +0000

A Covert narcissist takes over your life. I have heard so many victims so I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I just want to be me again. I feel like I lost myself.
One of the problems of living with a covert narcissist is that your mind is constantly wrapped up in the past and the future. The present is NOT safe. Out of the need for survival, we stay in the past and future.
One of the pitfalls of covert narcissists is that they are completely wrapped up in their own mind. They are living entirely in the past or the future. Their present moment doesn’t exist. Because you are dealing with them on a daily and intimate level, you are forced into their world of existence.
One of the biggest reasons that victims say I don’t even recognize myself anymore is because they are spending so much energy anticipating and dancing around the expectations of this abuser in their life. The absolute first step is to stop playing their game. As you do, you will start experiencing more and more head space freeing up inside you. You will have room to breathe, room to think, room to find you again.

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The Religious Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 29 Oct 2023 17:00:00 +0000

God told me! Scripture tells me. you're supposed to love me! You're supposed to forgive me! I'm the most Christian person you know. You're just letting the devil in your heart. I've got God in my heart! It's not my fault that you don't. If you would just get things right with God, then you would love me again. You know, you really need to pray about it!

The spiritual narcissist or religious narcissist is a very dangerous individual. The damage they do runs deep!

Before I dive into this episode, I want to say that I'm not talking about any particular religion specifically. Also I am not saying that everyone involved in a religion is a narcissist. There are many really good people in our churches, synagogues, temples, mosques, and other religious institutions.

But when you do combine a narcissistic person with a religion, this is a powerful and destructive combination.

God is the ultimate trump card! Where else can you defend yourself so strongly against anyone else, believing that you have the ultimate backup. The religious environment is the perfect home for a covert narcissist. When you've got God on your side, you can do anything you want, right? That's what the covert narcissist thinks.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How Does This Get Better (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 26 Oct 2023 19:58:19 +0000

How do I fix this? I used to ask that for years. Every day of my life
I can fix anything. If I can just help him to see… If I can just find the right words…
How does this get better? I get asked this by so many people. Victims who are in the exact place that I used to be. Women and men who are desperate for things to get better. And these are people who are willing to do whatever it takes. People who are dedicated with every fiber of their being.
Let me tell you something - Your life gets better when you put yourself back as the main character of your own life.
Who is your current main character of your life? What about of your mental life, your head space?
If you are in an intimate relationship with a covert narcissist, such as spouse or close family member, then that person plays a very dominant role in your mental world. they have their own life to live. You CANNOT live it for them!
This is your life! The only one you get. Be the main character of YOUR story!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Power of Destructive Messages

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 22 Oct 2023 17:00:00 +0000

“You're not good enough!” may be the exact words that you hear from an outwardly arrogant overt narcissist. But the covert narcissist won’t say this directly. They in fact will say to you, “you are too good for me,” while they make you feel worthless.

“You’re too good to me,” followed with days of ignoring you. Lost in video games and their phone, paying no attention when we talk to them, ignoring and not answering. You certainly don’t feel too good. In fact, you feel not good enough.

“You don’t deserve me!” yells a more overtly narcissistic person.

The covert narcissist - they quietly say, “I don’t deserve you,” triggering our desire to prove to them that they do. That they are valuable and valued. An endeavor that is not achievable, causing us to pour so much effort into them while they continue to feed off all of our energy.

The destructive messages of a covert narcissist are so subtle. You don't see it coming, and often are not even aware of it for quite some time. So we bounce back and forth between “he loves me, he loves me not” or “she loves me, she loves me not.” Along with this, we bounce between “this is their fault, this is my fault, their fault, my fault.” “I’m a good person, I’m not a good person.” Back and forth we go!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert Narcissists See Their World Through a Filter of Anger (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 19 Oct 2023 17:00:00 +0000

Covert narcissists seem to have absolutely no emotional intelligence, inside themselves or with the world around them. The general consensus is that they have no understanding of basic human emotion, especially other people’s emotions. But even their own.
They continuously stomp all over your feelings and don’t show an ounce of care about it. They can talk harshly and callously one minute and be confused as to why you don’t want to hold their hand or go to bed with them the very next minute.
Even when you try to explain it to them, they seem completely incapable of connecting the dots. In fact, just trying to talk with them about it can quickly start you on a never-ending downward spiral of verbal abuse. And again, the next day, it all just disappears, as though it never even happened in the first place.
It is crazy!!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Why did I Put Up With This for So Long?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 15 Oct 2023 17:00:00 +0000

Why did I put up with this for so long?? How is that possible? I never even saw it! Are you kidding me?

In the words of Debbie Mirza in her book Worthy of Love, “You were chosen to play a role you didn’t even know you auditioned for."

What role have you been playing? Maybe multiple roles. Where did you learn to play them? As kids growing up, we learned a way of interacting with our world. For me, I learned to put everyone else before me, that their feelings mattered and mine did not. And I truly took this to heart. This set the perfect stage for me to partner with a covert narcissist.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Two Things You Should Never Say to a Victim of Covert Narcissism (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 12 Oct 2023 23:23:04 +0000

There are some things that people should just never say to a victim of narcissistic abuse, and specifically covert narcissistic abuse. As a victim myself, I know that It is so hard sometimes to find people who understand and actually know how to provide the unique support that this victim needs. They need to feel heard and validated in a way that most people don’t seem to understand.
In this episode, I discuss two things that people should never say to these victims, two things that you don’t want to hear in your world right now, and why they are so problematic.
1 - "Well, marriage does take effort."
2 - "You know, It does take two."
Yes, marriage does take work. There are conversations that are hard, but there is a huge difference between conversations that should be hard and those that simply should not. Whether to move or not is a tough decision and should be hard. What do you want for dinner should not be a difficult conversation. Some conversations should be hard, but they should not ALL be hard!
Yes, it does take two to make a strong marriage, but it only takes one to destroy it!
If you are in the position of offering support to someone who is struggling in a narcissistic relationship, please know that this person feels utterly exhausted and completely overwhelmed. They have been working in overdrive and making absolutely no progress. Please do not add to their feeling of hopelessness by telling this these two things. Instead, help them to see that they are not solely responsible for fixing their marriage. It does take two, and they cannot fix this without some give from their partner too.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Emotional Abuse is Physical

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 8 Oct 2023 17:00:00 +0000

At least they didn’t hit you! At least it wasn’t physical abuse! Have you ever heard those words?

You are trying to explain to someone what you have been through. You are trying to explain the situation, the feelings, the thoughts. Covert emotional and psychological abuse is incredibly difficult to explain. Even as the words come out of your mouth, you recognize that you sound petty and trivial. Almost embarrassed at your own words.

And they respond, well at least they didn't hit you. At least you're not dealing with physical abuse too.

This is yet another hit to your stomach. And today I want to ask you, is there anyone here listening to this podcast as a victim of covert narcissistic abuse that can tell me that this abuse is not physical?

Thursday Group Sessions

https://www.covertnarcissism.com/group-session

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Interview by Ross Rosenberg, part two

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 5 Oct 2023 22:23:41 +0000

I was privileged to be interviewed by Ross Rosenberg, an internationally known expert in the field of narcissism. It was quite an honor to meet with him and share my story with him and his audience. This two-part series is that interview shared here with you.

Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, is Self-Love Recovery Institute’s CEO and primary contributor. His internationally recognized expertise includes pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and attachment trauma. His advanced education, advanced clinical certifications, and more than 35 years of professional work experience enable him to create, produce and provide compelling and life-changing seminars. Ross's seminars simultaneously resonate with the layperson and professional. He is as much a psychotherapist and professional educator, as he is a fellow traveler on the path of personal, relational, and emotional recovery.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Out of alignment: Time to reclaim your mental space

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 1 Oct 2023 17:00:00 +0000

Imagine getting all fancied up for a first date. Super excited to be going out with this person. You’ve been waiting for a while for this evening, and now it is here. You change clothes 4 times. Nothing seems to be good enough. You fix your hair just right. You check yourself in the mirror 20 times. Nothing in my teeth, good. How’s my smile? Hair? Make-up? Jewelry? You’ve been prepping for over 2 hours. Ok, time to go.

You meet them at the restaurant. They look amazing. They took the time to get all fixed up too. They really put on their best. Time for this first date.

You sit down and the first thing you do is pull out a checklist of all the things you don’t want in a relationship. All the red flags. All the reasons to get up and leave. And you start checking them.

They are too tall. Too short. They don’t smile when I’m talking. They smile too much. On and on this list goes of all the reasons to leave.

Is this how your relationship started? Were you already trying to leave before it even started? Or was your checklist a list of all the good things about them? All the reasons to stay? Their eyes are beautiful. They are so attentive to what I’m saying. Their laugh makes me smile. What stood out to you? The reasons to stay or the reasons to leave?

Today we are talking about when you wake up one day and realize that you are living out of alignment with yourself, that your system, your body, mind, soul, life are out of whack and you are wondering how did I get here and what do I do now.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Interview by Ross Rosenberg, Part One

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 28 Sep 2023 22:10:32 +0000

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Gaslighting Our Kids is Damaging

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 24 Sep 2023 17:00:00 +0000

“If I validate my kid's feelings about their dad, then I'm bad mouthing him. If I tell my kids he's not that bad, and he really does love them, then I'm gaslighting them. My kids have picked up on the fact that he is a difficult person to deal with, and often show up at my house and tell me the latest thing he did. When I encourage them to talk to their dad about how they feel, they say they can't because he'll yell at them. Which is totally true. If I tell him how the kids feel, I'm betraying their trust, and he doesn't believe me. I feel like I'm in an impossible situation and there is no right answer.”

This is an impossible situation. It is a complete nightmare and there is no clear cut answer to any of these questions. There is no solution or manual to follow. To top that off, you are working in a constantly changing dynamic. What seems to work one day will not work the next. What is helpful with one kid will not be with the other kid. You are constantly juggling, constantly maneuvering, constantly exploring. There is no precedence set for this, no notebooks to follow, no straightforward and clear answer. No true right or wrong. Anyone who tells you differently than this is sadly mistaken.

Parenting with a Toxic Partner | Facebook

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Guilt Manipulation: How a Covert Narcissist Uses Your Own Guilt Against You (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 21 Sep 2023 21:04:14 +0000

Guilt is such a unique thing. It can be wonderful and horrible all at the same time.
Many of us are raised to feel guilty when we do something that we should not or when we hurt someone’s feelings. We are taught that we should feel bad and make it right. This is not a bad thing.

Guilt motivates us to apologize. It motivates us to do right and to fix things. Without guilt, we might not make amends. We might not make it right.

Guilt leaves this uncomfortable feeling inside of us and pushes us to resolve the issue at hand. We are motivated to get rid of this feeling. We don’t like it. We want to feel good in the relationship again. We want them to feel better about us again. We work hard to clear this all up.
When dealing with a covert narcissist, it’s a problem. They are manipulators of this guilt. They will use this good trait against you in extreme ways. They will spin everything in just the right way to fully activate the guilt inside of you. They will do it with just enough truth in what they say to cause you to take full responsibility and work so hard to make everything right. Your own good conscience is used against you!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Q&A Parenting with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 17 Sep 2023 17:00:00 +0000

How do you feel in this relationship with a covert narcissist? Describe it. What are your feelings?

Confused. Hurt. Angry. Overwhelmed. Like everything is my fault. Perplexed. Afraid. Ungrateful. Confused. Like I can’t do anything right. Guilty. Exhausted. Spent. Depressed. Stressed. Anxious. Sad. Did I say - Confused.

How are your kids doing? They are going through the same feelings that you are. Confused. Hurt. Angry. Overwhelmed. Like everything is their fault. Perplexed. Afraid. Ungrateful. Confused. Like they can’t do anything right. Guilty. Exhausted. Spent. Depressed. Stressed. Anxious. Sad. Did I say - Confused.

Except there is one huge difference. They are completely unable to place the blame where it belongs. They do not have the maturity to see things for what they really are. They do not have the life skills to see things from outside of themselves. To analyze things separate from their emotional reactions.

They are unable to work through that confusion and see clearly. Unable to calm the anxiety within themselves. They are unable to not blame themselves and to not internalize the trauma and self-blame which becomes an internal wound of shame.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What Really is a Covert Narcissist? (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 14 Sep 2023 19:50:08 +0000

Many people are struggling to understand what a covert narcissist actually is. I recently heard a podcast that was trying to figure out what a covert narcissist really is. They clearly, like so many, did not understand. I was surprised when they said, "Aren’t all narcissists covert because they all do things in secret?" They were talking about secret affairs, abuse behind closed doors, secret communication, private financial endeavors, and so on. They were questioning if all narcissists were covert. I was happy to hear them recognize that they did not understand and were going to have to do further research.

Being a covert narcissist isn't about having secret affairs or a double life or anything like that. It isn't defined that way. A covert narcissist is a narcissist that hides the arrogance and the feelings of superiority behind a facade of humbleness. They hide their lack of empathy behind a false show of compassion. Some are so good at it that they truly convince themselves that they are a kind and compassionate person. Nothing you say will ever convince them to even consider that they are not.

Covert narcissists often hide behind a facade of shyness, insecurity, introvertedness, and social awkwardness. They hide behind a show of compassion and sacrifice. Covert narcissists really believe in this image that they are portraying. Victims often feel sorry for them and want to help them. This plays a huge role in how we get trapped in these relationships. Covert narcissists are experts at playing the victim role, and I mean experts.

I hope this episode helps you to gain a better understanding of what covert narcissism is. Regardless of what type of narcissism you are dealing with, abuse is abuse and abuse is wrong!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Self-Regulation Skills for Our Kids

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 10 Sep 2023 19:04:00 +0000

When a person feels threatened, physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, there will be a response inside them. This will happen. No matter what age. Even a young baby recognizes danger and their system responds.

As a baby that response is very reactive. Crying, screaming, and even being inconsolable. They need outside sources of calm to help them regulate. We hold them, soothe them, feed them and such.

As a child grows, they build ways of dealing with perceived threats. These ways can be very self-regulated responses, giving room for a healthy handling of the situation or they can be dysregulated reactions, filled with survival skills and coping mechanisms. Coping mechanisms that do not address the problem, but rather just distract and shield one from the threat.

In other words, do children build healthy self-soothing skills or not? How do we teach these or encourage these? Is it ever too late for these to be learned and developed?

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Brinkmanship: The Crazy-Making Skills of a Covert Narcissist (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 8 Sep 2023 18:23:01 +0000

My covert narcissistic husband loved the word "brinkmanship." He bragged about how no one knows what that word means and how great he is at it. This should have set alarm bells off in my head!! But it didn’t. Sure, I thought it was strange. This seemed like an odd word and an odd concept.

Brinkmanship is the art or practice of pushing a dangerous situation or confrontation to the limit of safety, especially to force a desired outcome, the technique or practice of maneuvering a dangerous situation to the limits of tolerance or safety in order to secure the greatest advantage, especially by creating diplomatic crises.

Little did I know, he had been practicing brinkmanship since his childhood.
He would push situations to their breaking point. He would push me and our kids to the brink, edge of a cliff to get the outcome he wanted. Make us as uncomfortable as he possibly could until we gave in. We gave in to make peace and to keep our sanity. And once again he got what he wanted, to feel in charge, to feel superior, to get out of all responsibility.

Take charge of your life back! The narcissist shows their true colors over and over. Let them. That is theirs to own. Don't let this decide who you are. Don't give them that power over you!
You get to choose who you are! You are in control of your life! Not them!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What About the Kids?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 3 Sep 2023 17:00:00 +0000

You find yourself married to a covert narcissist. Researching like crazy. You are stunned at the treatment you have allowed and the behavior you have accepted. It’s not okay, and it is absolutely time to put up some boundaries to protect you, so you can heal and find you again. But what about your kids?

You have kids with this person! This can be a horrifying and alarming realization. Of course, you knew that you had kids with them, but now you realize that you had kids with a covert narcissist. Now what?? This is a mini-series about what our kids are going through in the households. I am opening an ongoing Q&A with this series. Please send in your questions to renee@cnglifecoaching.com

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Taking the Scariness out of the Idea of Divorce: Interview with Eleanor Marks

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 31 Aug 2023 21:31:29 +0000

Today's episode is an interview with divorce coach Eleanor Marks. After living her own life with a covert narcissist and going through a divorce with two children, she now shares her own expertise with others to help on that journey. Whether you divorce or not, taking the scariness out of this option helps us to relax and make healthier decisions for ourselves and our children. If the thought of divorce has even entered your mind, her words of comfort and suggestions will prove to be incredibly helpful to you.

https://eleanormarks.net/

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Devalue Your Abuser

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 27 Aug 2023 17:00:00 +0000

He was my knight in shining armor. The perfect match. My soul mate.

I even said that I feel like he is the male version of me and that I am the female version of him. How in the world did I end up so swept off of my feet like this? So wrapped up in him? What happened?

What exactly is love bombing? What effect does it have? How do I break the spell?

I recently had a group member say that she wasn’t love bombed and that she doesn’t really understand what that is. She said that she wasn’t smothered with lavish gifts, constant phone calls, poetic love notes, and so on. He just lined up with all the little things I was looking for. Love bombing is whatever language speaks directly to you, and its spell is powerful. To break it, you must knock that abuser off the pedestal.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Q&A with Debbie Mirza Part 3 - When Their Image Looks So Good

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 24 Aug 2023 17:16:39 +0000

It is such an honor to have Debbie Mirza on my podcast. She has been a huge part of my own healing journey, and I want to make her part of yours too. She has so much to offer to victims of covert narcissistic abuse.

Debbie is the author of the International Best-selling Book titled, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist. She has also written Worthy of Love and The Safest Place Possible. She is a Restorative Coach, working with people who have experienced CN. Working with men and women on this healing journey.

Her work can be found at debbiemirza.com. We will be recording several episodes together, so stay tuned for more valuable information to come.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Breaking the Trauma Bond

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 20 Aug 2023 17:01:42 +0000

Why can’t I just leave? What’s wrong with me? I need to get out, but I just can’t.

The Cleveland Clinic defines trauma bonding as when a person who is or has been abused feels a connection to their abuser. It’s a situation where we form a strong attachment to someone who is causing us harm. It often fuels a cycle of abuse and affection that can be difficult to break.

According to Psychology Today, Trauma-bonding is a hormonal attachment created by repeated abuse, sprinkled with being “saved” every now and then.

Every definition I find talks about the cycle of abuse. It is physical or emotional abuse, trauma, followed by positive reinforcement. For covert narcissists, this positive reinforcement can look like abuse amnesia. It’s like the abusive behavior never even happened. They simply return to normal life, whatever that means, as though everything is fine. We are so grateful for the returned peacefulness that we simply move on too, as though it never even happened. Thus the birth of a trauma bond.

Today we are talking about ways that you can break that trauma bond that has you stuck in an abusive relationship. I want to give you two tools that you can use, from within yourself, to break this cycle.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Q&A with Debbie Mirza Part 2 - How to Move On

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 17 Aug 2023 20:39:54 +0000

Her work can be found at debbiemirza.com. We will be recording several episodes together, so stay tuned for more valuable information to come.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Development of a Trauma Bond

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 13 Aug 2023 17:00:00 +0000

Do you find yourself fighting for this relationship, knowing that it is unhealthy, toxic, manipulative, maybe you even know that it is abusive? But you desperately cling to it out of a sense of fear, obligation or even guilt?

The thought of leaving it causes intense anxiety and panic in you. The inability to breathe, to think, to function. This panic is only calmed by the thought of connecting with your seemingly abusive partner.

Why is this? What is wrong with me? My feelings feel so irrational. I can’t explain it. I can’t even make sense out of it myself. Just please, don’t take my security away. These feelings are a clear sign of being trauma bonded.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Q&A with Debbie Mirza - How to Heal

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 10 Aug 2023 17:00:00 +0000

Her work can be found at debbiemirza.com. We will be recording several episodes together, so stay tuned for more valuable information to come.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Vulnerable Narcissists, a Contradiction of Terms

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 6 Aug 2023 17:00:00 +0000

Vulnerable narcissists? What? Is that really a thing? Can a narcissist be vulnerable? I’ve never seen one that can. I’ve said for a long time that the inability to be vulnerable is one of the determining signs of someone being narcissistic. Their guard is thick, and they just cannot ever be vulnerable. So why would we call them vulnerable narcissists? What do we mean by that?

Vulnerable narcissism is another name for covert narcissism. These two terms are used interchangeably. Vulnerable narcissism is rooted in deep insecurity and this is hidden by extreme hypersensitivity to any form of criticism or rejection (or things they can manage to view as criticism or rejection). So why are they called vulnerable narcissists? One of the things I have said repeatedly about covert narcissists is that they can never be vulnerable? Are they truly vulnerable or not?

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

A Grenade Inside a Tank (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 4 Aug 2023 16:13:52 +0000

Someone who has experienced covert narcissistic abuse is like a grenade inside a tank. On the inside, you are wound up so incredibly tight, over-thinking everything, over-analyzing everything. Just waiting to explode. On the outside, you are a fortress of steel. You have a wall of protection around you, afraid to say anything, to do anything, trusting no one, letting no one in. A grenade inside a tank.

I’m Renee Swanson, your host and creator of the Covert Narcissism Podcast. Today I am talking directly to anyone who is or has been a victim of covert narcissistic abuse. I know your pain first-hand. I have been there, and I want to help.

It is a problem when the survival skills from living with a covert narcissist become a way of life for the victim. We struggle because we carry this on with us even after the relationship has ended.

We leave the relationship and yet our mind is still over-thinking. We are still finding 100 ways to say something to someone. We are anticipating their reactions and defending ourselves before we even say a word. This is not the way to build healthy relationships, and it will affect our future relationships and partner choices.

Please take some time after a relationship with a covert narcissist to become aware of your survival skills. Recognize them as a mode of survival not as a mode of living. As you become more and more aware of this, you will begin to distinguish between survival skills and fully living. You will become more and more in charge of your own life!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Seeing Your Own Reactive Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 30 Jul 2023 17:00:00 +0000

So, I want to paint a picture here. Imagine with me. For many of you, this will be incredibly easy to imagine, because you have lived it. You grow up believing in the goodness of others. You believe that others desire peace in life and that they care about those around them. You believe that everyone has a conscience and will feel bad when they hurt someone, especially those that they love. That they will work to reconcile. That they’ll put the effort in to make things right, apologizing for their part and accepting your apologies for your part. You believe that things will be mutually carried in this way.

But in this relationship, this is not what you find. You apologize for your side of things. You work to make things right. You expect that they will do the same. That they will carry their part, own their piece of the issue. After all, it isn’t difficult to apologize and clear the air. But they don’t. They leave things hanging. They don’t make it right. Years and years of bee stings happen. Until one day, you just can’t take it anymore. This has to stop! It has built up inside of you like a volcano. And you erupt! You finally snap back. You tell them that they are insensitive and blind to your feelings. That they have no idea how much they have hurt you over all these years. That this is ridiculous and you won’t take it anymore. You explode with reactive abuse.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

4 Hooks that Covert Narcissists Use to Rope You back in Once Again (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sat, 29 Jul 2023 16:14:01 +0000

Covert narcissists are experts at hooking a victim back in over and over and over.

They know how to play on your sympathy. They know how to make you feel guilty and responsible for their well-being. They know how to make you feel needed and thus you stay to help them.

So many victims of covert narcissists spend years and decades of wanting to leave the relationship only to be hooked back in again and again.

Start learning what these hooks look like, how to recognize them for what they are, and how to get out of their grip.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

When I Actually Filed, Part Two

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 17:00:00 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

Ten days! Ten days was the amount of time between me telling him I was filing for divorce and actually filing. The papers were all ready when I told him. I told him on Saturday and planned to file on that Monday. Had the appointment all set up. But he asked if I could give him a week.

Why? He wanted time to think about it. I said, “It won’t make any difference. Nothing is going to change.” He said that he just wanted time to let it soak in. That I had had time to think about it, but this was news to him. News?? For two years now, I had been telling him that I was done. For two years, nothing existed between us. This was certainly not a surprise to him. But I agreed to give him one week. So what did those ten days look like?

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Bone Dry Exhaustion of Life with a Covert Narcissist (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 21:44:22 +0000

A narcissistic person cannot even do step A to help a relationship. You can wear the entire alphabet out multiple times, and they still haven't even found step A. Not even a tiny step. Nothing!

The level of exhaustion that comes with this is unbelievable. It is a bone dry emptiness. I had absolutely nothing left in my tank. I was on empty!
So why do we wear ourselves out so much trying to make the relationship work? Why do we work so hard at it? What if we put all that effort into ourselves? It is time to offer yourself the same effort that you have offered to this abuser. You deserve it!!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I Want Out! Now What? Part One

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 16 Jul 2023 17:00:00 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

“I can’t live like this anymore. I want out. I’m done.” So you say this to your spouse, totally exhausted and meaning every word. You are done.

But then this strange thing happens. Here you are, still in the home with them. You might have said these words and left for a while, or maybe they left for a while. But evening comes, and here you are in the home together. Now what? Do I cook dinner for the family? Are we going to sit at the table and eat? Are we going to watch tv?

It can feel like that conversation never even happened. The covert narcissist will often in fact just go back to normal life as though nothing changed. It can feel like you just walked right into the Twilight Zone!!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Interview About Covert Narcissism (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 13 Jul 2023 22:35:49 +0000

Victims of covert narcissism have so many questions running through their mind. While I do get asked many questions, some questions show up in almost every conversation.

How did you realize you were with a covert narcissist?

What is a covert narcissist?

What does a relationship with a covert narcissist look like?

What do I do now?

Where can I find help?

I was recently interviewed regarding covert narcissism. In this interview, I answer these questions and more. Here are clips from that interview. I think you will find it helpful for your own journey of healing!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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The Wounds from Childhood

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 9 Jul 2023 17:00:00 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

Everyone carries wounds from childhood. No matter how healthy and attentive your parents were, you did not get through childhood unscathed. No one does. Everyone has some wounds. That does not make you damaged or bad. It just makes you human.

When we have an emotional need that is not met as a child, we often abandon that need in order to survive. Maybe it wasn’t met because our parents were busy. Maybe it wasn’t met because our parents were limited in their own emotional development. Maybe they just didn’t know.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

But these unmet needs cause us to form core beliefs about ourselves. Beliefs such as, “I am bad. I’m unlovable. I’m not worthy. I’m not good enough. I’ll be abandoned.” Today I am going to explore how these wounds take shape later in life for both the covert narcissist and their victim.

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Just Hard to Relax - Living in a Courtroom with a Covert Narcissist (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 6 Jul 2023 21:23:25 +0000

Living with a covert narcissist is like trying to live in a war zone or in a courtroom when you are the one on trial.

My son is traveling this week with his dad, who is a covert narcissist. I have been nervous about this trip and sincerely hope that everything goes well for them. I texted my son on their second day out and asked how it was going. His words spoke volumes. He said that it is going ok but it is just hard to relax.

This is exactly how life is with a covert narcissist. You never feel like you can simply relax. This is because you feel like it is never okay to just be you. You can’t voice your own opinion about anything. Everything is met with resistance and invalidation.
You feel like you are living in a courtroom, always on trial, always under attack, always needing to defend your opinions and thoughts. Nothing is ever safe. You remain in a constant state of hypervigilance.

Covert narcissists belittle you for having opinions and thoughts. They put you down, make you feel bad, and confuse you to what reality actually is. They expect you to accept their reality. Anything outside of this is likely to be targeted.

Your mind is always trying to stay ahead of the conflicts. So you build opening arguments in anticipation of a problem. You see potential problems everywhere!
Once in a problem, your mind goes to survival mode. You feel like you are under examination. You try every angle you can to find peace. You might even experience some reactive abuse, where you flare out at your abuser out of desperation.

Last, you never find resolution. So you walk away with your mind now making multiple closing arguments, most of which will never be voiced.

Yet the cycle starts all over again. Your mind is back on watch, trying to anticipate the next problem.

In this episode, I give you some valuable suggestions for finding internal peace after a relationship with a covert narcissist. There is no clear way to do healing, no one right path that fits every victim, no step-by-step instructions. You have to find what fits for you. Taking control of your own healing is one of the valuable steps to taking control of your life again. I hope these suggestions help you find your own path of healing!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Conditioned to Accept Their Behavior

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 2 Jul 2023 17:00:00 +0000

Today we are talking about conditioning, the process of training someone to behave in a certain way or to accept certain circumstances.

In the Boy Who Cried Wolf, the villagers became conditioned to his cries. Like the boy in the story, covert narcissists set off alarm bells when they are not needed. They stir up drama and trouble when there isn’t any there. Claiming that they hate drama, they are the first ones to create it. It is almost as though they are bored with life unless the drama is there.

They then feed off of your anger and frustration, off your reactions to them. They thrive when you are all worked up and upset. They love it when you are back in your fix-it mode to put all the pieces that they blew up back together again. Like the boy in the story, they sit back and enjoy your reaction. Overtime, you learn to tolerate their behavior and put up with things you should never be putting up with. You have been conditioned.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Q&A Session on Parenting With a Toxic Partner (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 29 Jun 2023 22:07:29 +0000

Parenting with a toxic partner is the single hardest thing I have ever done in life.

It is a living nightmare!

You are not co-parenting. You are counter parenting. You are working against the negative energy of that other parent. You spend enormous amounts of energy simply trying to counter the damage that they are doing to their own children.

It is exhausting and impossible. Yet for the sake of your own children, it is a task that you will give everything you have in order to be successful. I hope this Q&A session from the Facebook support group, Parenting with a Toxic Partner, will help you on this journey.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Emotional Childishness of Covert Narcissists

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 25 Jun 2023 17:00:00 +0000

Will they ever grow up?? Am I dealing with a child or an adult? Sometimes I really am not sure.

I’ve talked before about the lack of emotional growth in covert narcissists. They grow physically, mentally, even socially and in other ways. But not emotionally. Their emotional growth stopped at some point in their childhood, for various reasons, typically some sort of trauma including emotional neglect.

So they can certainly seem like a child when it comes to emotions, but they are trapped in an adult’s body and trying to function in an adult’s world. They look like an adult. At times they act like an adult. They have adult responsibilities. But they are stuck in their emotional development. In this episode, I will give you examples of this emotional childishness that covert narcissists carry into adulthood.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Shouldn’t I Just Be Grateful that it isn’t Worse? (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 22 Jun 2023 17:00:00 +0000

This podcast is audio taken from 2 short video clips that I made just recently. I want to share it here!

The first piece is Shouldn't I just be Grateful that it isn't Worse? So many people have it worse than I do. Should I just be happy that I am not in their situation? Just because others may have it worse (and that is a matter of opinion itself) does not take anything away from the pain you are experiencing. If you are questioning this, please listen to this piece!

The second part is Everything is on Purpose!! The covert narcissist will accuse you of doing everything on purpose to hurt them. You looked at them wrong "on purpose!" You asked a question wrong and you did it "on purpose!" Everything you do, in their eyes, is purposefully done in order to hurt them. They see it that way because everything they do is so heavily calculated and "on purpose." They believe that everyone functions this way.

I am thoroughly enjoying making podcasts and wanted to share with you a glimpse of some of my previous work. I hope that this helps. I wish you so much peace on your own journey of healing!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How Do You Handle the Guilt?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 18 Jun 2023 17:00:00 +0000

Why do I feel so guilty? After all they have done to me, what is wrong with me that I now feel guilty?

Guilt is one massive piece of the confusing puzzle when you are dealing with a covert narcissist in your life. If it is your spouse, guilty that you don’t want to be around them anymore. Guilty that you have bad thoughts about them and can’t find any good thoughts anymore. Guilty that you are pulling away when they are in a love-bombing phase. Guilty that you don’t have the capacity to give them anymore opportunities. Guilty that you are considering leaving. If it is your parent, guilty that you don’t want a relationship with them anymore. Guilty that you go no contact and cut them out of your life. Guilty that you don’t wish them happy birthday or let them talk with their grandchildren.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Removing toxic people from your life is painful! It is not the option that we want, but sometimes it is the only choice we have. It can leave you haunted by guilt.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Clinging To The Breadcrumbs (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 15 Jun 2023 17:00:00 +0000

Have you ever said...But we have some good times together. Remember that one day…. Remember that one time…. Are you building an intimate relationship on breadcrumbs?
Sure, we would have some good times together. We had evenings that were successful and happy. We had the occasional weekends where his anger stayed in check. But I came to the realization that I was hanging on to those all-too-rare times and pretending that they were our reality. I was desperately trying to build a home and raise kids around that illusion. It wasn't working.

These breadcrumbs make the entire situation worse. If they weren’t there, many of us would leave so much sooner. We probably would not even end up in the relationship in the first place.
But these breadcrumbs give us hope. They give us positive memories to hold on to. Positive times to talk about and to dream about. They are part of what keeps us hooked in these relationships for years or even decades.

After the divorce, I was talking to our oldest son. I had apologized a hundred times to our boys for the environment they grew up in. I apologized for my part in all of it. In this conversation, I told him, “Son, I am so sorry.” He said, “Mom, this wasn’t your fault. You did ABCDEFG….XYZ. Dad wouldn’t even do A. How can this possibly be your fault?”

Maybe you are still trying to find that one right approach, that one magical answer. You are working your way through the entire alphabet, maybe for the 10th time. If he won’t even do the first thing, then why are we wearing ourselves out trying to help? He has a job in this too. He has a part, a responsibility, a role to play. Simply walk away! Quit hanging on to the breadcrumbs!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Learning from a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 11 Jun 2023 17:00:00 +0000

Will you help me? Will you meet with me? I hear this from so many people. And yes, I will meet with anyone who needs that support. What I don’t hear often? Will you help me? I’m a covert narcissist.

I now work with hundreds of victims of covert narcissism, both individually and in groups. I have so many who have reached out to me, telling me that my story resonates with them. It is like we have all been married to the same person.

In all these years of running all this, I have had only a few people reach out to me that are self-diagnosed covert narcissists themselves. They told me about their own abusive behavior. They have asked for my help and if I would be willing to meet with them. I jumped at the opportunity each time.

I have a burning desire to learn as much as I can about covert narcissism. I've read books, listened to podcasts, watched videos, talked with thousands of people, but what an opportunity to talk to a covert narcissist themselves.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Why Do I Wonder if I am the Narcissist? (Special Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 8 Jun 2023 18:00:00 +0000

Many victims of covert narcissistic abuse wonder if they themselves are the narcissist. Why is this? We finally begin to identify what is going on in our world, and then we are met with an overwhelming amount of doubt. What if I am the problem? Is it me?

Covert narcissists often accuse their victim of being a narcissist. They project their own behaviors onto their victim and blame them of many of the things they themselves are doing. They will point out things that you are doing that makes them the victim. They will add just enough truth in what they are saying to make you truly question it or even believe it.

They are just as much an expert in making you doubt yourself as they are in playing the victim!! This combination is deadly - to your confidence, your mind, your heart, and your soul. This episode answers the question of why so many victims wonder if they are the narcissist themselves. It will help you so much to see where this confusion and doubt comes from, so you can clear your thoughts and focus on your own healing!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Complex PTSD and Covert Narcissistic Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 4 Jun 2023 17:00:00 +0000

I had heard of PTSD, but what is this C-PTSD? What’s the C stand for? What’s the difference between the two? Is it just another form of PTSD?

The C stands for Complex. Well, that’s no joke. I’m going to tell you right now that everything about a relationship with a covert narcissist is complex.

Choosing a restaurant is complex.

Surviving the meal at the restaurant is complex.

Hanging pictures in the house is complex.

Borrowing a pen from them is complex.

Asking them to pick something up from the store is complex.

Going out with your own friend or even family member is complex.

Everything! So what is this complex PTSD? Is it created just for the victims of covert narcissism? Maybe. It sure seems to fit.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

No Reconciliation Ever with a Covert Narcissist (Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 1 Jun 2023 17:00:00 +0000

It is impossible to reconcile with a covert narcissist! All relationships have disagreements and misunderstandings. People in healthy relationships help carry each other's blame and responsibility. They both apologize, and they both give each other room for humanness.
This is not the case when you are in a relationship with a covert narcissist. You are not allowed to be human. There is no room for mistakes or misunderstandings. Trying to reconcile with them is one of the most infuriating things to go through. It is maddening and impossible!
I mean how do you reconcile with someone who throws everything back at you! With someone who has absolutely no give!

It is far easier to make excuses for them. This is what many victims do for years and decades. Until one day, you just can't take it anymore!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

It’s a Great Deal For Them

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 28 May 2023 17:00:00 +0000

Who wouldn’t want someone who doted over you all the time? Giving in to your every desire? Monitoring your mood constantly and adjusting accordingly? Working overtime to figure out whatever might possibly upset you and running interference before it happens? Doing all the work?

Let’s be honest. It’s a great deal, right? Great for the covert narcissist.

We spend all of our energy making them happy. We will bend over backwards, stand on our heads, spin in circles, jump up and down, or sit in a corner and do nothing, whatever it takes to keep peace with them.

My son said to me, “Mom, you did ABCDEFGH…XYZ. Dad wouldn’t even do A!

He didn’t have to. I did it all!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Why Can’t Covert Narcissists Give In Communication And What To Do About It (Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 25 May 2023 21:00:00 +0000

One thing you must realize is that the way a covert narcissist interacts with you is not about you. They learned these interaction traits in childhood. Somewhere at a young age, they learned that offering give in a conversation is dangerous and painful. They learned that give equals attack.
You can see this is how you react to their attacks. You learn that it isn't safe to offer peace in conversations with them. They learned this as a child and developed a phobia of give.

They can't say something as simple as, "I could have said it better, sorry about that, or "You probably didn’t mean it that way, that’s on me"

How do you heal from this abuse? Accept that they are never going to agree with your perspective. They can't, that requires give. Understand that this has nothing to do with you, your choice of words, your tone of voice, or anything else you did or didn't do. This is about their past.

In this episode, I give you one very effective tactic for avoiding these blow-ups with a covert narcissist when you have to interact with them. Try it out. It works!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

It Would Have Just Been Easier If..

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 21 May 2023 17:00:00 +0000

It would have been so much easier if he just would have hit me, just once. But he didn’t.

It would have been easier if he had just been a jerk to me all the time. But he wasn’t. It would be easier to see the abuse. It would be easier to talk about it and identify it. It would be easier to explain it to others. It would be easier to leave. It would be easier to not be in the relationship in the first place. It would just be easier if they were an asshole all the time. But they aren't. There certainly were days where I thought to myself, this would all be easier if he were just mean all the time. But he truly wasn’t and still isn’t. He has good traits too. He is charming at times. He is helpful. He is funny and even pleasant to be around.This is certainly a large part of the problem with covert narcissists. Those good traits can leave a victim in a huge quandary for years or even decades. Even four and a half years out of my marriage, this quandary showed up yet again.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Agonizing Lack of Give in a Covert Narcissist (Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 18 May 2023 19:24:31 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

I am going to try to explain the unexplainable. The lack of give when communicating with a covert narcissist. The absence of the regular flow of give and take that thus makes you feel that you are talking to a void. It is painful, absolutely exhausting, and crushing to your spirit
When in regular casual conversation with someone, we often confirm that we are hearing what the other person is saying. We make little sounds, comments, and gestures: such as a nod, a smile, yeah, uh-huh, true, sure, etc. People react to each other in conversation.
All these remarks show understanding, agreement or support. At the very least they validate your interaction with this person. You don’t feel like you are talking into a void.
This give and take does not happen with a covert narcissist. You are met with the most agonizing silence, so empty and painful. When talking with my CN husband, I would get to a spot in the conversation where people naturally interject something. So I would pause in expectation. Nothing! Silence. Awkwardness. Emptiness.
So I go on talking, wondering if I am being heard, wondering if I am making sense
When dealing with a covert narcissist, there is no slack, no margin, no benefit of the doubt. There is no give!
Trying to understand this is like trying to catch a ghost. As soon as you think you have a grasp on it, it disappears again. We are trying to understand something that is almost impossible to even talk about.
It’s hard because it isn’t always in what they did, it’s in what they didn’t do. What they didn’t say. That stone-cold silence and lack of give.
Coming soon: Why do covert narcissists have such an extreme inability to offer that give that is so necessary in relationships?

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Signs that They are NOT a Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 14 May 2023 17:00:00 +0000

I tried so hard to convince myself that my husband was not a narcissist. I truly did not want to accept this about him. At first, when I was researching narcissism, out of desperation and survival, many things lined up. I checked a whole lot of the boxes that applied.

But then I would go back and rethink them. Well…maybe not this one. Maybe it doesn’t apply. Maybe that one isn’t true. At least not all the time. It’s normal to have some disagreements and some emotionally heated times. Maybe this is just normal.

Remember, covert narcissists have to be the best at everything. So If they view empathy as something of value, which the world is pushing right now, as something that they are supposed to have, then of course they have it. Not only do they have it, but they have it better than anyone else. They have more of it than anyone else.

Like everything else in their life, it is a competition. Don’t forget, covert narcissists don’t ever want to lose…at anything.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

8 Signs of Circular Conversations from a Covert Narcissist Part 2 (Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 11 May 2023 18:00:00 +0000

Being trapped in a circular conversation with a covert narcissist is dreadful!! It is the loneliest place on earth. You feel completely destitute and isolated. If you have ever experienced this, you know what I am talking about.

In these two episodes, I address and describe 8 signs of these circular conversations. Here is a quick list of those signs:

1. You find yourself teaching an adult about basic communication skills and basic human emotions.

2. You find yourself thinking, “If I could just find the right words, then he would stop treating me this way.”

3. These conversations are antagonistic and combative, verbal competitions.

4. There is no resolution in these conversations.

5. They switch the topic constantly, keeping you on the defense.

6. They play the eternal victim.

7. You walk away thinking, “What in the world just happened?”

8. They use the silent treatment inside the conversation, holding you in an intense silence and in knots.

In the episodes, I go into detail explaining each of these signs. Learning what they are and how to identify them helps a victim make sense of what is going on and plan a way out of the entrapment. In a future episode, I will address strategies to avoiding circular conversations, as well as exiting them once they get started.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Fracturing Ourselves for the Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 7 May 2023 17:00:00 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

What are some things you stopped doing because your covert narcissist made you feel weird or criticized you for it? I recently saw that someone had posted this question in the Covert Narcissism Facebook Group. If you’re not part of that yet, look it up. Join us! It’s simply called Covert Narcissism Group.

The answers started pouring in!

Person after person stated I stopped being myself. I gave up me.

I quit listening to music. I quit wearing jewelry. I quit eating what I like to eat. I quit wearing the clothes I like. On and on it went.

What's left is only a fraction of who you really are or even nothing at all. This is called fracturing. Splitting yourself in order to accommodate them and attempt to keep them happy, which isn’t possible.

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8 Signs of Circular Conversations from a Covert Narcissist Part 1 (Throwback Episode)

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 4 May 2023 18:01:44 +0000

Covert narcissists don't use conversations to find understanding, reconciliation, or compromise. They don't see them as a way to connect with a loved one, to spend time getting to know each other better. To them, conversations are about winning. They are for putting the other person down and showing their superiority.

Conversations are competitions. One person comes out a winner, and one a loser. This is warfare. It is the single most lonely place on the face of this earth. If you have experienced this, you know exactly what I am talking about.

In this episode and the next one, I describe 8 signs of a circular conversation with a covert narcissist.

No one has the right to treat you this way! No one has the right to talk to you this way! You will never get them to understand, but you do have the power to walk away!

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Single Most Painful Moment in My Marriage

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 30 Apr 2023 17:00:00 +0000

In January, on a cold wet day, sitting in my van in the parking lot of a restaurant, I sobbed uncontrollably. I dialed my dad's number, but when he answered, I could not speak. I just sat there and cried. He knew that I was having lunch with my husband that day. He knew that I was going to try to open up to him in an extremely raw and vulnerable way. And now, I just cried. Not even knowing the details of what had transpired, my dad cried with me. This was the single most painful moment in my marriage with a covert narcissist.

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Subtleties of Covert Narcissism: Guest episode with Thomas

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 27 Apr 2023 21:00:00 +0000

Covert narcissists feel like a trade up when we have been in an abusive relationship with a more overt narcissist in our past. It seems like such a win! Finally you have found a caring, empathic person. They can seem so genuine and real. But yet all the traits of narcissism are still there! They are just so covered and passive. We don't see them for who they are until we are hooked in and trapped. AND...then when we do see them, we still doubt what we are really seeing!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Reliving Your Teenage Years with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 23 Apr 2023 17:00:00 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

Escaping a relationship with a covert narcissist is a lot like living your teenage years all over again.

You are back in a place of trying to find you…again.

You are learning to stand up for yourself…again.

Dealing with big emotions…

Angry and reactive

Who wants to go back and live their teenage years? I certainly don’t.

To demonstrate this, we are going to use a Venn diagram. Do you know what that is? We used to use them in school to visually show the relationships between things. It’s circles on a piece of paper. Some of the circles overlap with each other, while others don’t. It depends on what you are demonstrating and explaining. Today, we are going to draw a simple Venn diagram. To find an example of the Venn diagram visit TikTok or Facebook and search The Covert Narcissism Podcast, and check out our latest episode.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Guest Episode with Erin Riley, Author of A Dark Force, 20 Years with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 21 Apr 2023 00:00:00 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

Erin Riley was born in New York City and attended Trenton State College in New Jersey where she studied as little as possible.

At the tender age of 19, she escaped to Los Angeles and quite by accident fell into what would become an exciting and influential 40-year career in the music and entertainment industries, choosing hit songs for Major Market Radio stations and developing new artists, helping expose their music to the world.

She led the Philadelphia GRAMMY Chapter and dabbled in repertory theater before opening her greatest professional achievement, a children’s music school called Rock & Roll After School, which taught kids to write and perform their very own original songs. In 2014, Erin delivered a TEDx talk on her work with children.

Ms. Riley currently resides outside of Philadelphia with her French Bulldog puppy, Murphy, where she practices yoga, enjoys hiking in Valley Forge Park and is totally rocking life. She serves as Music Supervisor for the Amazon Prime hit series, The Recording Artist and is developing a podcast for WomenWhoRock.com.

You can find more about Erin and purchase a copy of her book at her website A Dark Force | 20 Years With a Covert Narcissist

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Gaslighting: Cruel Psychological Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 16 Apr 2023 17:00:00 +0000

Do you know what the word of the year for 2022 was? According to Merriam Webster? Guess? Right now, what do you think that word was?

I would have guessed narcissism or narcissist. Those two words are flying around everyone right now. Nope! Not those words, but yet still a word that we all know all too well.

The word of the year was gaslighting! I wasn’t surprised when I read this. All of these words are getting thrown around an awful lot. Gaslighting is certainly one of those words. As popular as the word narcissist itself.

So what really is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is an attempt to destabilize someone and their sense of reality. It is a form of psychological abuse that causes you, the victim, to question your perception of reality. It is psychologically manipulating someone into questioning their own sanity, according to Oxford Dictionary. It is those crazy-making words, "That never happened," among many other phrases.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert Narcissists Seem So Genuine - Special Throwback Episode

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 14 Apr 2023 13:38:59 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

Even people who are aware of narcissism and victims themselves can still end up in a relationship with a covert narcissist. They seem so real, genuine, open, and vulnerable. Why do they seem so genuine?

A covert narcissist is more in love with the idea of being a compassionate person than actually being a compassionate person. They fool us because their desire to be that compassionate person is real. They do WANT to be that. They just have no ability to be that.

They are more in love with the idea of being a good husband/wife than actually doing what it takes to be that. This applies to many aspects of their lives.

When they fail at being these wonderful things they say they are, they are also experts at passing all the blame to you. Everything is your fault because you were the one putting in all the effort. They did nothing wrong because they did nothing at all!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Silent Treatment and Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 9 Apr 2023 17:00:00 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

What exactly is the silent treatment?

For many of us, we experienced this in middle school. Our best friend gets mad at us and stops talking to us. It’s a temper tantrum because we hurt their feelings or didn’t do what they wanted. “I’ll show you. I won’t talk to you anymore.” It’s a form of teaching someone a lesson. You no longer deserve my time, attention, and communication. You don’t deserve to be blessed with my presence anymore. It’s mean, arrogant, and cruel. It takes away the other person’s right to have differing opinions, to say something they could have said differently, and to simply be human.

The silent treatment is a shift from a regular, or at least somewhat regular conversation, to silence that lasts for longer than a reasonable period of time. It is a passive aggressive form of emotional abuse. It is punishing, controlling and painful. It is not blatantly abusive, such as yelling, swearing, throwing things or hitting. As such, it is much easier to deny or make excuses for.

“I just didn’t feel like talking. Nothing wrong with that. You shouldn’t take it so personally.”

“You are imagining that.”

“I was thinking about what I was going to say.”

This painful form of silence can be going for days and weeks without talking to you. You can be in the same room together and be totally ignored. Throughout the day, text messages go unanswered. Phone calls go to voicemail. This can also happen as intense moments of silence, deliberately held within the conversation itself. You feel completely invisible!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Guest episode with High Conflict Divorce Coach, Eleanor Marks

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 6 Apr 2023 21:00:00 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

Divorcing a covert narcissist is an unpredictable and terrifying endeavor. It is often full of manipulation tactics, controlling actions, deceitful communication, and much more. The journey is exhausting, overwhelming, and isolating. But you are NOT alone, and you ARE stronger than you know.

Going through this process more publicly now with lawyers, mediators, judges, and family members adds to the exhaustion and overwhelm. Finding the right support around you is crucial. People who will keep you on task, validate what you are going through, and care for you along the way.

Getting more in touch with your own heart, through education and a support system, allows you to listen to your heart once again. You can then become an active participant in your own divorce rather than just following your old habits of over-valuing everyone else's words over your own. Eleanor, on her own journey, divorced her divorce attorney because her heart lead her too. This is your path, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What DOES Healthy Look Like?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 2 Apr 2023 17:00:00 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

Will I ever know it if I have a healthy relationship? I’m finally out of a toxic relationship, again, after a repeated cycle. I think my picker is broken. I’ll never date again. It isn’t worth the risk.

Is there a difference between love bombing and the initial excitement of a new relationship anyways? How would I ever know the difference? What does healthy actually look like?

These are some of the questions that I get asked repeatedly. I am four years post divorce. Never yet been on a date, and not sure if I ever will. Probably, someday. Maybe, maybe not.

I do know this though, I am far healthier than I was the day I left. I am way more in touch with who I am and listening to my heart in a way that I never had before.

Could I ever get duped again? Yes. I do believe that could still happen. Covert narcissists are extremely good at what they do. They manipulate, deceive, take advantage of, and absolutely drain their victims. And me? I’m still a giving, self-sacrificing person. Believing in the good of others, willing to give the benefit of the doubt. So could I get duped again? Yes, I could.

So how do we protect ourselves? How do we keep from being deceived again? Let’s start with learning what healthy even looks like in the first place.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Words from My Son, Part Two

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 31 Mar 2023 02:44:17 +0000

I am absolutely privileged to have my oldest son join me one more time for a guest episode. In today's episode, we address two specific topics:
Is there a right timing for divorce based on the ages of the kids?
What did your mom do right and what did she do wrong in supporting you?

If even one parent can learn from my journey with my son, then I eagerly share our story. This is a glimpse of 22 years with my boy in a tough home environment. Nothing has taught me more about myself and life than being a mom. May you find awareness, support, hope and peace on your own journey!

Mentioned in the podcast is the video below

The Most Powerful Way to Protect Your Kids from Pathological Narcissism

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hyper Vigilance - Your Mind in Over Drive

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 26 Mar 2023 17:00:00 +0000

My mind has never worked so hard, ever in my entire life. I hit a level of mental overdrive that I did not know existed. Overthinking, over analyzing, over fixing, overcompensating, over monitoring. Over, and over, and over.

This did not happen overnight. It wasn’t day one in the relationship. It was gradual. How did it happen?

Early in my marriage, I told him he had toothpaste on his mouth. He blew up and it shocked me to my core. And it never got resolved. So, lesson learned. I’ll never say that again.

I hung some new pictures on the wall while he was at work. He came home and trapped me in a circular conversation. I had no idea what was going on, but I certainly did not like it. I’ll never do that again.

I asked our son to help him in the kitchen. He stormed off in a silent rage and full-blown victim mode. I believe that our son should help in the kitchen, so I’ll work harder to say it the right way next time. What does that look like? What words work and which ones don’t?

I asked him if he could pick our kids up from an activity. Back in yet another circular conversation. So now I’ll work harder to find the right time to ask things. What kind of mood was he in? What non-verbal cues can I find?

On and on this went, weeks, months, years, decades. All the while, I just work harder. I’ll never say that again. I’ll never do that again. I’ll make sure I say this at the right time or in the right way. Always watching for those good moments, while dodging all the unpleasant ones. I became excessively hypervigilant and didn’t even know it.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Why Is It So Hard To Explain Covert Narcissistic Abuse To Someone?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 23 Mar 2023 21:00:00 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

Why can't I explain it to my friends? Why don't they get it? Why does it all sound so petty and trivial? When I’m trying to explain it to someone, I even think I sound petty. But it’s not! There is nothing petty about the nightmare that you are living! It sucks and you need people around you that get it, that understand.

Covert narcissistic abuse is a nearly invisible abuse. It is hidden in things that are a normal part of life; little disagreements, a bad mood here and there, a short word out of the blue, a misunderstanding. These events sound petty when describing them because they ARE petty. At least they should be. They should be tiny bumps on the road of life. When you are with a covert narcissist though, they are un passable mountains.

In a non-toxic relationship, these are small issues that disappear after reconciliation. In a toxic relationship, they never disappear. They pile on top of each other for years and decades.

When you find someone else who has lived it, you know it. You can sense it when you talk with them. Find a small support group and quit trying to explain it to anyone who doesn't get it. Remember, you have nothing to prove to anyone! You don't owe anyone an explanation or reason for what happened!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Victim of Covert Narcissism and the Wizard of Oz, Part 2

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 19 Mar 2023 16:57:24 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

Dorothy's journey on the yellow brick road is a journey of a lifetime with a covert narcissist. She firmly believes that this path is the right path to get her home, or back to herself once again. She is convinced that the Wizard of Oz is her rescuer, savior. He will fix everything for her. He is her knight in shining armor.

The three companions that she acquires along the way show the effects that covert narcissism has on its victims. The scarecrow believes he has no brain, which is exactly how a covert narcissistic victim feels after living with years of gaslighting and circular conversations. The Tin Man believes he has no heart, which is true of victims who now feel calloused and mean. The lion has no courage or nerve, which is the trap where the victim of covert narcissistic abuse believes that they could never leave or even stand up for themselves.

In the end, these three companions learn that they have had these elements within themselves all along. And Dorothy learns that she has the ability to return home anytime she wants. No one can tell her this because she has to see it for herself, but it is within her all along. Returning to yourself is the journey of healing for victims of covert narcissistic abuse. You have the ability within you and have all along. It is time to see this and begin that journey. There is no place like home!

Wizard of Oz, The (1939)

by Noel Langley, Florence Ryerson and Edgar Allen Woolf.
Based on the book by L. Frank Baum.
Last revised March 15, 1939.

Script used for research, quotes, and content can be found at

https://sfy.ru/script/wizard_of_oz_1939

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hearing Our Kids: Words From My Son

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 16 Mar 2023 21:16:44 +0000

It is my great privilege to introduce to you my oldest son. After living this nightmare in our home for 18 years, he now shares his perspective for the very first time.

Here he answers some questions that were put forth from my listeners:

When did the light bulb go on for you that something wasn’t right here?
Did you carry the weight of this situation? Did you blame yourself?
In looking back, is there something you wish you had done or known differently or sooner, for your mental health?
What impact has this had on you?
Is there a silver lining in what you have experienced? Something that benefits you going forward?
What does your relationship with your father look like from here?

When you are young, your whole life is your parents. Everyone’s childhood has an impact on them. No one gets through childhood unscathed. So many kids go through this and then blame themselves for everything that goes wrong, carrying the pain and trauma forward into the next generation. It is time to break this generational curse!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert narcissism and the Wizard of Oz, Part 1

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 12 Mar 2023 17:00:00 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

To sign up for the our new Men's Group Session, click the link below.

https://www.covertnarcissism.com/group-session

We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz.

Because, because, because, because….because of the wonderful things he does?

Who is this wonderful Wizard? He introduces himself to Dorothy as, I am Oz, the Great and Powerful. He says this with smoke billowing, fire flaring, and a dominant image of fear and intimidation.

Yet everyone loves him. Why?? Why don’t they see the mean, daunting, threatening, terrorizing wizard that is behind the closed doors? Does no one ever see this side of him? Such is life with a covert narcissist.

The Wizard of Oz plays the part of a covert narcissist. Putting on this amazing show of how great and wonderful he is while doing absolutely nothing to help any of these travel companions. Yet everyone is so incredibly enthralled by the Wizard and his supposed greatness that there is no way that Dorothy could ever question that publicly. In fact, Dorothy becomes enthralled with him too. This old classic shows just how easy it is to get roped in by the hooks of covert narcissism.

Wizard of Oz, The (1939)

by Noel Langley, Florence Ryerson and Edgar Allen Woolf.
Based on the book by L. Frank Baum.
Last revised March 15, 1939.

Script used for research, quotes, and content can be found at

https://sfy.ru/script/wizard_of_oz_1939

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Living Through COVID with a Covert Narcissist - Special Guest Episode

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 9 Mar 2023 23:25:12 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

COVID had an enormous impact on marriages. Trapping everyone in their homes and taking away other social avenues not only brought out more abuse, but also caused many victims to start identifying abusive behavior that was already happening. Things simply escalated, both with more abuse and more awareness. Without the distractions of regular life, the abusive behavior takes center stage.

Things that had not happened before now were taking place. For some, the abuse was now taking a more physical turn. For others, the verbal and emotional abuse hit new heights. Unfortunately, for many victims, this time just pushed them to work even harder to fix their relationship. A journey that is full of traps and pitfalls. For many, COVID pushed their covert narcissistic abuser to make longer and better changes toward good behavior and growth. While these changes don't stick, they still hook the victim to stay with the marriage once again.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Narcissistic Collapse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 5 Mar 2023 18:00:00 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

I came home one night to a completely dark house to find my 37 year old husband sitting in a dark room crying, I thought, Oh my gosh, did someone die? What has happened? Clearly something was wrong.

As I talked with him, I learned that he was sitting in the dark crying because he got his feelings hurt. What? This is a full-grown man, father of two children, crying like a child. The more we talked, the more I realized, something actually was really wrong here, just not what I thought. This was a narcissistic collapse, and I had no idea what that even was!

What is narcissistic collapse?

When a narcissistic person does not receive the external validation that they believe they should get, resulting in extreme levels of emotional stress and pain, leading to narcissistic rage, either openly or silently. When a narcissistic person cannot maintain their superior and always right image. A self-protection mode when they feel that their self-image is being threatened.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Guys Living with a Covert Narcissistic Wife

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 2 Mar 2023 22:00:00 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

Covert narcissism is not a gender issue. This is absolutely affecting both men and women. I talk from my perspective because that is what I lived, but I know there are many men out there who are living this nightmare with a covert narcissistic wife.

And it doesn’t stop there. This is affecting the LGBTQ community. It is affecting parent/child relationships, sibling relationships, friendships, work relationships. The reach of covert narcissism is extensive. No matter the nature of your relationship, this abuse is damaging and wrong. Please reach out for the help and support that you need.

In today's episode, my guest, Dave, shares his journey and perspective in dealing with a covert narcissistic wife and mother of his children. I am so happy to be broadening our reach to help so many who are victims of covert narcissistic abuse and living this very same nightmare!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Stages of Grief as they Relate to Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 26 Feb 2023 18:00:00 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

When you are coming to grips with the thought that you are in a long-term marriage with a covert narcissist, you will go through the stages of grief. In fact, just living with a covert narcissist, already has you in these stages, and you don’t even realize it!

What are you grieving about? The death of who you thought this person was, of who you believed they were. The death of what you thought your life would be like with them. The death of who you thought you were with them. Actually, the death of yourself. Like so many other victims, I lost me…for years.

And we may think that this grieving started when our eyes opened to reality, and there certainly is some truth to that. When the FOG lifts and we truly really see it, the stages of grief definitely apply. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it. And the emotions that come then are often quite intense. But this actually isn’t when the grieving process began. It began many years before. It began when the abuse began. That is when this death process started, but we aren’t aware of it. I certainly had no idea…at the time.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

A Thousand Bee Stings - Special Throwback Episode

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 23 Feb 2023 22:00:00 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

A relationship with a covert narcissist is like getting a thousand bee stings. Any individual event can seem so small and insignificant, like a single bee sting. No big deal, right? WRONG!! Because it isn't just one bee sting, it is a thousand!

One single example from your relationship can seem so petty and trivial when you try to explain it to others. If it was a single event, then it would be. But it isn't. This is not one single event. It is a culmination of a thousand bee stings and none of them get resolved ever. When you add all the stings together, you find yourself in an extreme amount of pain and anguish. Trying to explain it to someone is completely overwhelming. They can't possibly understand what you have been through.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Their Anger Has NOTHING To Do With YOU

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 19 Feb 2023 18:00:00 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

Covert narcissists go 0-100 over things that just simply do not justify all the anger. Whether the anger shows aggressively or passively, it is still there. Whether it is yelling and cursing, or huffing and coldly staring, that anger is felt by you, the victim. They communicate that you have crossed a line and upset them, and they make you pay for that violation.

Why in the world are covert narcissists so mad about such little things? You borrow their pen and forget to give it back, and you are thoughtless and selfish. You tell a funny story about them to a friend, and you are spiteful and rude. You hug a guy’s neck in public, and you are clearly having an affair with them or want to. You ask them to take out the trash, and you are being insensitive and mean.

Normal, everyday things that are a part of everyone’s everyday life. And yet, for you, it leads to incredibly uncomfortable situations with your spouse. You are now on the receiving end of disdain and contempt. You are put in your place for such rude and selfish behavior. I can’t believe you would treat your partner this way. At least, that’s what they are saying to you.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Living with Years of Nitpicking - Special Guest Episode

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 16 Feb 2023 22:31:19 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of Chapter 1 of my upcoming book potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching a Ghost, click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

The extreme passive aggressiveness of their constant nitpicking is debilitating. You can’t ever be right, about anything. They constantly correct you. You say that your dog is 3 years old, and they correct you saying that he is 3 and a half years old. You say that it is 75 degrees outside, and they correct you saying that it is 76. But you go through years of believing that this is you. "Oh, I must be wrong. They know more than I do. I need to be more specific. I must not have said that clearly enough. I must not have defined that part well. I will keep working on me, and we will be just fine.:

Covert abuse gets inside of you. It results in zero self-esteem and zero self-confidence. You second-guess yourself constantly, and gaslight yourself. Overtime, this affects your other relationships. When you do the healing, it is an intense crash course on discovering you, and there is peace to be found.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The EXPERT on EVERYTHING

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 12 Feb 2023 18:00:36 +0000

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled:

Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below.

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast

If you have ever lived with a covert narcissist, you know that they are the expert on everything. In their own eyes. They know everything. They say everything exactly right. They do everything exactly right. Everything they do is intentional, justified, and completely defendable. They don’t ever make mistakes.

If you ever actually try to call them out on something that was wrong, they will automatically defend it and explain why what they did was intentional and absolutely right. They will make it very clear that you are wrong. Even if you are just asking them to do something differently, they will starchy defend their way of doing everything and give your thoughts and opinions no consideration.

This is everything!! I mean from how you dry your hair to how you load the dishwasher. From how you brush your teeth to how you drive your car. Things you have been doing for years, learned from childhood, and doing just fine before you ever met them. All of sudden you can’t do anything right. Sometimes I wonder how any of us managed to even exist without their amazing expertise.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Long-Term Marriage With a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 5 Feb 2023 18:00:00 +0000

On today’s show, I have a guest who has been in a long-term marriage with a covert narcissistic husband, over three decades long. She joined CNG group coaching to try to find some answers. As she listened to the stories of the other group members, she found herself thinking that the people she met there deserved better. "That person deserves better than that," while listening to one story. "Oh, this one deserves better too," upon hearing another story. But then her eyes opened, “Oh! Wait a minute! I deserve better!”

Her story of embracing radical acceptance, claiming emotional space, and focusing on changing herself instead of him is a journey of bravery, healing, and inspiration. I know you will find her story to be validating and compelling. May it motivate you to find your own path of healing!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Marriage Counseling with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 29 Jan 2023 18:00:00 +0000

Life with a covert narcissist - those words really hold so much meaning in them, anyone who has lived this knows what I am saying with those simple words.

As I have explained many times in these episodes, is not the normal path of give and take, mutual reconciliation, mutual respect and courtesy. It is a very one-sided relationship. One with you doing all the work, doing the work for two individuals, carrying all the weight of the relationship. All the while being blamed for anything and everything that goes wrong and even being blamed for not doing anything to help the situation. While you are wearing yourself out trying to make things better.

To say it is exhausting does not come close to describing how you feel. It is impossible to even put the feelings into words.

Bone-dry, nothing left in the tank, exhaustion

Completely drained - mentally, emotionally, spiritually

Not knowing where else to turn, many turn to marriage counseling. Maybe it is in hope that someone can actually help. Maybe it is one final step of trying everything you can to save the marriage. Maybe it is pressure from the covert narcissist to go. Or even from your family and friends.

And marriage counseling can be incredibly helpful and productive when you are dealing with two normal range, healthy, mutually invested individuals. But here you are dealing with one passive-aggressive, manipulative, self-serving individual and one exhausted, internally beaten down, self-doubting individual. This creates a very different scenario, and the marriage counselor may not realize this at all and unintentionally add to the confusion.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Everyone Around Me is a Narcissist!

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 22 Jan 2023 18:49:05 +0000

Help! Everyone around me is a narcissist! They are everywhere!!

Once you start identifying the elements of narcissism that have infiltrated your personal life, it can certainly seem like narcissism is everywhere you look now.

My mom, my dad, my brother, my sister, my friend, my coworker, my boss, my neighbor, the stranger in the store, the clerk at the gas station, the lawyer in the news.

It’s everywhere! And we want to go screaming into the night! The random red flags that we see all around us remind us of the CN that we have been married to for years, even decades, and we want nothing to do with all of it. We want them all to go away!

However, not every narcissistic trait that you see around you makes that person a narcissist. Just because they are confident in who they are does not make them a narcissist.

As I mentioned in my episode two weeks ago, there are some elements of narcissism that are adaptive and productive. Today I want to explore that further to help us to better understand.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert Narcissism and Hyper-Sensitivity

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 15 Jan 2023 17:57:33 +0000

Covert narcissism is narcissism from a unique angle. The internal characteristics are the same as an overt narcissist, but it plays out differently.

Narcissism is not defined in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) as the loud and boisterous life of the party. It does not list traits of hitting, cheating, and yelling.

Rather, NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) is defined as having a grandiose sense of self-importance, requiring excessive admiration, believing that they are special, having a lack of empathy, jealous of others, and arrogant. These traits and others are present in both overt and covert narcissists. How they show up differs. In this podcast, we explore these differences in order to raise awareness of covert narcissism.

This particular episode addresses the hyper-sensitivity of narcissists and how this displays for both overt and covert narcissists. Overt narcissists react with fear and use intimidation to control of their victim. Covert narcissists react with hurt and victimhood, using guilt and blame to control their victim.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Not All Narcissism is the Same

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 8 Jan 2023 19:15:47 +0000

Someone recently commented on my Tiktok video, saying that they have been confident that they are married to a CN, but now are struggling bad wondering it they are the narcissist.

I totally understand this! It is actually extremely common that it’s mind-blowing! I want to help you understand why this happens and to describe the different types of narcissistic behavior.

Everyone has moments of displaying narcissistic behaviors and traits. And not all narcissism is wicked and evil. There are elements of narcissism that actually serve a productive and healthy role in life. Narcissistic traits that help us through developmental phases in life, such as the transition from childhood to adulthood and the transition from victim of emotional abuse to taking charge of who we are and the life we want to live.

Standing up for yourself can feel incredibly narcissistic. And that toxic and manipulative person in your life will be extremely quick to point that out. But don’t be fooled. Educate yourself. Take deep, honest self-reflective looks at your own thoughts, feelings and actions.

Today I am discussing the different types of narcissism and how it is showing up in our world.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There is Life Outside of Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 1 Jan 2023 18:00:00 +0000

There is a YOU in there that has been buried under this thing called narcissism, and especially covert narcissism. And it is truly like being buried! Buried under the weight of this relationship you are in or have been in. Buried under their judgment, sensitivity, blame, superiority, entitlement, harshness. Buried under your own over-thinking, over-analyzing, walking on eggshells, playing through a hundred ways to say something, being perfect, blaming yourself.
But this is a new year! New year, new you! That doesn't quite work.

This is more.. New Year, Come Back to You!

Let’s start this new year with a journey to finding you again! A journey of healing, taking control of your life, and freeing your spirit. If you are in need of group support, we have it for you! This will catapult you onto that journey of healing. My next round of group coaching begins in the middle of January 2023. These groups are the most empowering offer that I have. These groups are life-changing. What a fantastic way to start the new year! Finding you again!! I hope to see you there!

Click here to sign up for our upcoming group sessions!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Holiday Time and Narcissistic Supply

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 25 Dec 2022 18:00:00 +0000

Spending any holiday time, vacation time, family time, or even date time with a covert narcissist is an awful lot like pulling a Chance card in Monopoly. If you are an avid player of the game or even a casual player, then you know that feeling of landing on Chance and having no idea if this is a good thing or not. Will it be a reward of something great or a punishment for an imaginary crime? Either way, it has nothing to do with any action on your part.

With the CN, this can turn out to be a good time, quite enjoyable, a relief that it stayed peaceful and happy or it can be a total disaster and sheer punishment. Not knowing what is coming and knowing the intense negativity that is always a tiny fuse away makes it incredibly difficult to relax and just enjoy. Even when the environment is positive, it is impossible to trust it. Whether things are peaceful and calm or explosive and disastrous depends an awful lot on the covert narcissist's narcissistic supply. Whether their bottomless internal pit of emptiness and insecurity, which constantly needs to be fed, is being filled sufficiently right then. Learning about narcissistic supply can help you to make sense out of this crazy-making situation.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Take Back Your Holiday Joy

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 18 Dec 2022 18:00:00 +0000

It is so very easy to be consumed by the gloom and doom of life with a covert narcissist. It feels dark, overwhelming and hopeless, and it is. However, there absolutely IS life outside of narcissism! Someone recently reached out to me expressing the need for more episodes with words of encouragement and hope. And what a great time of the year to do so!! So I thank that individual for reaching out to me. I love to hear from you all, so please share your feedback with me. This is your podcast, not mine.

Now let’s talk about these holidays that are right in front of us. The holiday season brings out the child in all of us. For many, that’s great. The childlike mindset of hope and expectations. The eagerness for happiness, presents and great food. Songs about peacefulness and love. Expectations of laughing, smiling, and just feeling content. The escape of a few days with no responsibilities, time to rest and simply enjoy each other. Maybe even some snow to really bring out the child in us.

For a covert narcissist, this child that it brings out is very different. Not childlike, but rather childish. "Look at me and how great I am." "What about me," when the conversation wanders or the spotlight shifts around. Snide remarks and sarcastic stabs when they don’t get their way, though they try to play this off as "I was only joking" and blame you for being too sensitive. Unwilling to share YOU with the festivities of the holidays, so their true colors come roaring out.

The holiday season can certainly bring out the worst in a covert narcissist. But you do not have to let them “steal your joy.” Today, I am going to give you three tactics for taking back your holiday joy.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Is It Okay To Care About Them and Still Walk Away?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 11 Dec 2022 18:00:00 +0000

Is It Okay To Care About Them and Still Walk Away?
ABSOLUTELY YES!!!

I hear so many people questioning themselves about walking away from abusive relationships.

I really care about him/her.

I really do love them. Shouldn’t I stick it out? Don’t all relationships have issues?

I know they are hurting and need to be loved.

I know this will hurt them even more, how can I do that to them?

Does the following sound familiar to you? You are in a relationship, and something in your relationship just isn’t right. Something feels off. Maybe you are having a hard time putting your finger on exactly what it is. But you know that you are not feeling good about it, not feeling happy and content.

You don’t like the way your partner treats you. His (or her) words are harsh and uncaring. Anytime you try to talk with them, it becomes a problem. Why can’t we even have a normal conversation? Everything is combative. Even conversations that should be simple and easy just aren’t. They blame you for everything and refuse to take any personal responsibility for their own words and actions. You feel like you just can’t do anything right, ever.

My relationship with a covert narcissistic husband is the most confusing thing I have ever been through in life. There is absolutely nothing simple or easy about it. I remember the day when I had a powerful revelation. I don’t have to hate him in order to walk away!! It is okay to care about them and yet to simply walk away.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Emotional Dumping

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 4 Dec 2022 18:41:32 +0000

I said to a friend once, “I am afraid to leave my boys at home alone with their father.”

She said, “That is quite alarming and not okay. Why do you say that?’”

I realized right then how incredibly difficult this is to explain. I was not afraid for their physical safety. He wasn’t going to hit them. He wasn’t going to throw things and scare them. Most of the time, he wasn’t even going to yell at them.

But he was going to emotionally dump on them. They were trapped victims to this horrible form of emotional abuse. Something I was even struggling to defend against. They stood no chance.

Venting is a healthy way of letting our trapped feelings find voice and expression. It releases those feelings so the person venting can begin to feel better and look at things more rationally. This is extremely different than emotional dumping, where no one walks away feeling better. Instead everyone feels beaten down and worthless. Today, I explore those differences so you can see and decide for yourself what is happening in your relationship.

Individual coaching sessions right now are on sale for $99 per hour through the end of December. Cnglifecoaching.com

Group sessions are on pause for the month of December and will begin again in mid-January.

Covertnarcissism.com

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

You Don’t See It Until You See It

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 27 Nov 2022 17:57:35 +0000

You don’t see it until you see it. You can’t unsee once you see it.

One day, all of a sudden, I just saw it. My thoughts were, "hey this is a problem."

"Something just isn’t right here."

Before this, I made excuses. I justified everything.

He’s not feeling well today.

He had a rough childhood.

He is stressed at work.

He didn’t have siblings.

The kids were being loud and frustrating.

Our son could have been more obedient.

I could have been more understanding.

I could have said that better.

I should have known that would upset him.

Anything and everything except for - he should not talk to us this way. His words are mean and hurtful. His tone is not okay as my partner for life. He is NOT a loving and compassionate person.

Why were those not the things I was thinking and saying? I misdirected the fault for what was going on for years, many years. Laying the blame everywhere except where it truly belonged. Until one day….

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Ultimate Disconnect Between the Mind and Body

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 20 Nov 2022 18:00:00 +0000

I know this nightmare that you are living. I lived it too. I know the daily pain of trying to matter, trying to be good enough, trying to somehow, magically, find peace in your world. A peace that just doesn’t exist.

In this intense nightmare, that beautiful heart of yours separates from your head. It simply cannot take the pain anymore. It is an experience of complete disconnection. Logically, you know a lot of what is going on, but your heart just shuts down. It doesn’t work anymore. This is a level of internal exhaustion that is like no other.

Your heart is so incredibly hurt by the one person who is supposed to be your greatest ally. The one who is supposed to have your back, supposed to stand by your side no matter what. The one from whom you expected the greatest amount of safety and love. The one who said, I do.

Yet this is the one that has brought you to me today. The one who has created so much intense pain inside of you. The one who has disconnected your head from your heart, your mind from your body. A large part of the healing journey is finding you again, reconnecting mind and body, and regaining enjoyment in who you are all over again. Take that journey with me and thousands of others right now!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Pseudo Recovery: A Trap set by Covert Narcissists

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 13 Nov 2022 18:00:00 +0000

Does a narcissist ever change? Can they ever get better? Is there any hope?

He/She says that they are working on it, that they are getting help. They even go to therapy. How much time should I give them? How will I know if it is for real?

I get asked this all the time. I have talked with so many who are completely stuck because of these very questions. They say things like - I think he/she is getting better. Things have been calmer for quite a while. They are being more cooperative, nicer, giving me more attention. Maybe they actually get it this time. Maybe this time it will stick. Maybe, just maybe.

So many victims of covert narcissistic abuse stay for years in an abusive marriage, all in the name of “they are getting better.” Progress, they call it. Only to have the abuse return over and over. Each miniscule step of progress just erases each round of bad behavior. Decades later, you realize that nothing has ever changed, ever. You have simply been trapped by pseudo recovery.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Surviving the Holidays with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 6 Nov 2022 18:00:00 +0000

How many holidays have you had ruined by a covert narcissist? How many Thanksgivings? How many Christmases or Hanukkah's? How about New Year's?

Holidays are a wonderful time for narcissists to display their horrible behavior. They are often on full steam at such a time that your thoughts are on peacefulness, happiness, family time, making memories with your kids. They choose the absolute worst times to sabotage your attempts at happiness, your attempts at creating a positive environment for the family. Why?

Narcissistic people have a hard time with others being happy, experiencing joy. And it is purely horrible if that happiness and joy is not centered around them. You can’t possibly be happy about anything that isn’t about them. They are so incredibly jealous of anything or anyone else having the power to bring you joy.

The holidays steal their spotlight. So they make great efforts to grab it back. Thus they sabotage the holiday season.

Get through this holiday season with a little extra help and support. Sign up today for a single session of my Holiday Group Special!

https://www.covertnarcissism.com/holiday-session

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Mirroring: Absorbing Your Identity to Have One of Their Own

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 30 Oct 2022 22:15:00 +0000

Did you feel like you had the perfect soulmate for you? I remember saying, You’re like the male version of me, and I’m the female version of you. We just had so much in common and connected on so many levels.

Mirroring is a manipulative tactic used by covert narcissists to charm you and catch you as their prey. However, mirroring plays out in several ways in these toxic relationships. Understanding this can certainly help you to make more sense out of the crazy nightmare.

Mirroring is when one person, consciously or unconsciously, imitates the gestures, speech, patterns, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, interests of another person. It involves both verbal and nonverbal behaviors.

At the beginning of the relationship, covert narcissists mirror you. They like what you like, love what you love, and want what you want. They agree with everything you say, and even talk like you talk. Using words and phrases you use. These instant connections help you to feel safe and secure, cared for and noticed. You let your guard down, and you over-trust.

Throughout the relationship, mirror imaging is a factor, but not just in one direction. We often end up mirroring them too, which is why so many victims of covert narcissistic abuse come to me asking if they are the narcissist!!

Special offer right now - all individual sessions are only $99 per hour. Sign up today at www.cnglifecoaching.com. I look forward to working with you! I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing!!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Being Told You Are Too Sensitive

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 23 Oct 2022 22:03:00 +0000

Have you ever been accused of being too sensitive? Being too emotional? Have you ever told yourself that you should be stronger, less emotional? I want to challenge these questions and judgements.

This episode is inspired by the book titled The Highly Sensitive Person’s Guide to Dealing with Toxic People by Shahida Arabi. The subtitle of the book is How to Reclaim Your Power from Narcissists and Other Manipulators. If you have not yet read this book, I do highly recommend it.

The world will tell you that your high sensitivity is a weakness, and too often we believe that ourselves. I am telling you that it is an amazing strength! It is a beautiful thing, and our broken world needs it so badly. You need it! We all need it! Never again will anyone ever convince me that being sensitive or emotional is a weakness. It is a beautiful strength, and I will nourish it!

I want to let you know about a November special that I am running. All of my individual coaching sessions in November are only $99 per hour long session. I will have it ready to go this week. So if you want to take advantage of this offer, go to my coaching website, which is cnglifecoaching.com. I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hearing from Members of the CNG Group Retreat, October 2022

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 16 Oct 2022 20:14:00 +0000

This is a special treat from Kentucky in the USA. This is my first ever in-person retreat for members from CNG Group Coaching Sessions.

These are women who have lived this nightmare and are on that healing journey too. Listen to their words, their feelings, their stories, and their hearts. Just like you, they felt alone, worthless, hopeless, and empty. Now we embraced each other with open arms, sharing laughter and tears in an amazing weekend event.

I know you will benefit from hearing from them. I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing!

To learn more about the group coaching sessions, visit https://www.covertnarcissism.com/group-session

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Toxic Shaming: An Intensely Powerful Tool of the Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 9 Oct 2022 23:50:00 +0000

Toxic shaming is about obedience and compliance. Narcissistic people use this tool often to manipulate their victims.

Covert narcissists have a defining sense of being defective and unlovable. This haunts them all their life. It creates a lifelong fight against shame. Shame is an emotion experienced when one’s flaws and deficits become known or when one is afraid they will become known.

They actually get trapped in a cycle of anger when their shame is triggered. Their anger is their way of not dealing with the painful feelings of shame. Instead they just get angry at the person who evoked the shame, whether they intended to or not. They rage at them, blame them, and project onto them. Narcissistic people get stuck in a cycle - feeling shame, lashing out in rage, feeling more shame, lashing out more, and so on. It grows and escalates.

Covert narcissists project all this shame onto you, their victim. They make you look and feel inferior to feed their need to feel superior. They control your self-perception, undermining your self-esteem and driving you towards self-destruction. They manipulate you to take blame for their behavior. They use this shame to isolate you from others.

Intense shame can lead to intense anxiety, self-hatred, withdrawal, fear, addictions, self-harm, anger, and more.

Start learning to speak your truth. Give yourself permission to feel your own feelings and room to be human. It is okay to do things that you could have done better, to say things that you could have said better. There is nothing wrong with this. No one died and made you God that you had to be perfect.

You are human! You are allowed to be human!!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

4 Boundaries to Implement for Yourself

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Mon, 3 Oct 2022 00:02:00 +0000

Last week, I talked about where the story begins. With narcissistic people, their story does not begin with how they treated you. Rather it begins with how you react to their treatment of you.

Today is part two. I am going to give you an approach to boundary setting that has been absolutely life changing for me. A new perspective that allows you to take charge of your own life and be the person you want to be. Such a simple approach, but one we so often overlook.

Highly sensitive people must work extra hard to find ways to implement boundaries. Having to put boundaries in place does not come automatically to highly sensitive people. It is important to know that these boundaries are not for the other person. They are for you.

The kind of boundaries I am suggesting here are guided by your own desires in life. Your desires about who you are and who you want to be. What are your personal character goals?

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Where Does the Story Begin?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 25 Sep 2022 20:20:00 +0000

I don’t care too much for the word codependent in today’s world. It has come to mean something incredibly negative. It portrays a weak, beaten down individual who has no ability to stand up for themselves. Someone who is emotional and sensitive, and they are told that their emotions are stupid and a waste of time. They are told that they have no self-love and must please others in order to feel adequate about themselves. Codependent individuals are portrayed as carrying a lot of deep internal shame and are looking for external ways to feel better about themselves, to validate themselves. As you learn more about narcissism, this viewpoint can feel incredibly similar to narcissistic people and be quite damaging.

However, we didn't start with all the self-doubt and shame. That’s not where the story begins. It starts with the words of manipulative people, telling us that we should be more of this or less of that. Telling us that we are wrong, over every tiny thing. Competitive and combative in even daily conversations about everyday life. Judging us on every issue, every action, every word. Over time, the victim of this loses themselves. You lose your love for life, your motivation to help others, your caring and generous spirit. The story starts with their abusive behavior towards you!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Gradual Pain of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Mon, 19 Sep 2022 00:40:00 +0000

The effects of narcissistic control, especially covert narcissistic control, are incredibly subtle and extremely gradual. Little by little, without even realizing it, you fall into the orbit of someone else’s preferences, desires, moods, and wishes. In other words, within their control. Until one day, you wake up and realize that you have altogether forgotten who you are and what you might have wanted in life.

My next round of group coaching begins on October 11 and runs for 6 weeks. Beginning on that day, which is a Tuesday, I am offering a morning session 9-11 am CST and an afternoon session, 12-2 CST. Both of these sessions will fill up. So don’t miss this opportunity to grab your spot in the group. You can reserve your spot through my website at www.covertnarcissism.com

I also have a Saturday morning group beginning on October 22.

Topics we cover include:

The covert narcissism checklist and how it applies to your specific situation
Tools for beginning your personal healing journey
Common traits in victims of covert narcissistic abuse
Setting boundaries for yourself as your abuser will never honor boundaries
The Narcissism Spectrum
Trauma Bonding and how to break free
Finding yourself again and taking back control of your life
The Narcissistic FOG

I also offer one-on-one coaching and you can find that at www.cnglifecoaching.com. I wish you so much peace on your own journey of healing.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Guard Dogging: The Covert Narcissist’s Justification for Their Own Anger

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 11 Sep 2022 17:30:00 +0000

I used to describe my husband as being like a guard dog. Always on high alert, looking for any threat to his territory, just waiting to pounce, eager to attack, hyper-sensitive, hyper-alert, always on the prowl.

The first place that I really identified this was regarding our kids. He would sit outside of the room they were playing in, listening and just waiting for them to do something, anything wrong. Then he would pounce on them. He would come boiling in, full steam, so harsh at them, as if what just happened was the worst thing on the face of the earth.

Why do they do this?

So they can have someone or something to blame for their anger. As I have said, the anger is already there. It is always there. But now they have a reason. And once that reason wears off, they have to have another reason. They watch for that reason, for that justification so they don’t carry the blame for their own anger.

Quit trying to do everything perfect for this abusive person in your life. No matter what, they are always going to find a reason to be mad. Remember the anger is already there and actually has nothing to do with you and your actions. They are going to be mad anyways, whether you say or do this or that. It really doesn’t matter. So quit living your life trying to appease that. Quit carrying the blame for their constant anger. That’s not on you!!

To join my upcoming group coaching sessions, visit my website at www.covertnarcissism.com

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Intermittent Reinforcement, A Powerful Manipulation Tool

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 4 Sep 2022 11:43:00 +0000

Why can’t I leave? What is this crazy ride I am on? One minute I want out so badly, but the next I am fighting to stay. Do I want to stay? Do I want to go? Why can’t I make up my mind? What is wrong with me?

There is nothing wrong with you! You have been a victim of an incredibly powerful manipulation tool called intermittent reinforcement. I am going to describe that tool today and tell you why it has such a strong effect on you and so many other victims.

Intermittent reinforcement is the delivery of rewards at irregular intervals. It is a game of sometimes I validate you and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I reward your positive behavior and sometimes I don't. You, the subject, do not receive a reward each time that you perform a desired behavior. The inconsistent rewards cause us to work harder to get the reward. We pursue it with much more enthusiasm, paying extremely close attention to signs of progress. When it finally comes, the hard earned reward releases huge feelings of relief and success inside of us. And once achieved, the process begins all over again.

I’m Renee Swanson, your host of the CN podcast. Thank you so much for joining me today. If you are in need of some guidance through this nightmare, please reach out to me! I offer both group and individual coaching. You can learn more at my website www.covertnarcissism.com. You can email me at renee@cnglifecoaching.com. I look forward to hearing from you.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Your Warning System is Not Broken

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 28 Aug 2022 21:17:00 +0000

I’m so easily upset. I didn’t use to be, but I am now. Is something wrong with me?

I’ve become so reactive. The smallest things really upset me now. Am I the problem?

I'm on high alert all the time. I feel defensive and easily triggered. Am I the narcissist?

We all have a built in warning system. It is designed to keep us safe from harm. This warning system causes us to feel anxious and upset, on high alert, on edge, not trusting the situation, and incredibly uncomfortable. The warning system is designed to keep us safe from harm. It is the bells and whistles to alert us to potential danger. Your warning system is not broken!

I meet with so many victims of covert narcissistic abuse. I meet in both individual sessions and in group settings. So many victims ask what’s wrong with them. They ask if they are the narcissist, if they are broken.

I am here to tell you now that your system is NOT broken. Your heart, body, soul and mind are trying to keep you safe from danger. You need to learn to listen to your system, to trust it, to interpret its messages, and to communicate with it.

If you are in need of individual coaching or would like to work in a group setting with other victims, please reach out to me. You can learn more about what I offer at www.covertnarcissism.com or at www.cnglifecoaching.com

You can also email me at renee@cnglifecoaching.com

If you missed the episode on Cognitive Dissonance, listen to it here.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How Do I Handle the Triggers

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 21 Aug 2022 17:40:00 +0000

When living in an abusive situation, a victim often becomes reactive. The environment is not emotionally safe. You are walking on eggshells every day of your life. Your mind is in hyper-drive and hyper-alert all the time. You never feel good enough for this abusive person. You can’t ever do anything right. You are constantly judged and blamed. Your thoughts and feelings never matter. You have no space to be human.

This is a traumatic environment. It is incredibly damaging and leaves significant imprints in your mind, heart, soul and body. Even when we have left the situation, these imprints are still there. Piles of them. This is a thousand bee stings. These imprints are easily triggered, causing major reactions in us that do not match the current situation. How do we handle these triggers and stop those intense reactions?

To learn more about an Energy Burn, listen to my previous episode - Two Tools for Healing from Covert Narcissistic Abuse

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert Narcissists’ Constant Need for Validation

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 14 Aug 2022 18:37:00 +0000

Covert narcissists have an insatiable need for constant validation. It is an addiction for them. They have to be fed ALL the time. And it will still never be enough.

Their need for validation is like a cup with no bottom. You pour in all this positive energy, and it just flows right out the other end and is gone. No matter how much you love them, respect them, admire them, care for them, approve of them, build them up, it will never be enough.

They only see all the ways that you don’t. Any tiny criticism, disapproval, neutral though, or even just a simple giving your attention to something or someone else.

If I’m quiet one evening, maybe I’m tired, have a headache, deep in thought about life or worried about a friend, or even just peacefully quiet, pondering the good things of life. All of this will cause the covert narcissist to go into that “feed me” mode.

It’s like a panicked place on their end of - uh oh, what’s wrong? Why are you quiet? Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Are you upset with me? Do you still love me? Are you leaving me?

It is always all about them. It is like they are a hawk watching everything you do or say, the look on your face, the way you breathe, and interpreting everything as though it ALL has to do with them.

It doesn't matter how much you tell them and show them that you love them. It is never enough!

www.covertnarcissism.com

www.cnglifecoaching.com

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert Narcissists Rule Their Environment

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 7 Aug 2022 20:30:00 +0000

When you are with a covert narcissist, you gradually and even completely disappear as an individual. You no longer matter in your world. They completely rule the environment. They are the one in charge of the dance that is going on between you and them. Their moves are the ones that decide the direction you go. Today I am discussing two distinct ways that this plays out - their timetable is the only one that matters and their mood sets the mood of the home. These two things, among others, put the covert narcissist in charge of the environment within the home and creates an unstable and hostile atmosphere.

You can learn more about the work of Renee Swanson at www.covertnarcissism.com

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How Do We Raise Kids with a Covert Narcissist?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 31 Jul 2022 18:45:00 +0000

Anyone who is here listening to this podcast is dealing with an emotionally unavailable person. A person who does not have clearly defined boundaries nor honor your clearly defined boundaries. A person who is not emotionally safe for spontaneous and easy interactions.

In all these podcast episodes, I talk through many characteristics of a covert narcissist. If I had to briefly define a covert narcissist, it is a person who is psychologically and emotionally unsafe and damaging to those closest to them in ways that are subtle, passive aggressive, and not perceived from the outside.

Think about that definition for a minute. Psychologically and emotionally unsafe and damaging to those closest to them and not visible to the outside world. Now make them a parent to a child. Born completely vulnerable and unprotected. At the complete mercy of their parents’ care. In need of all care begin provided for them - physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically. This situation is incredibly difficult and painful. I address it in this episode.

If you want my book called Parenting with a Toxic Partner, it is available on Amazon.

For more information on my group coaching sessions, visit www.covertnarcissism.com/group-session

Or email me at renee@cnglifecoaching.com

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How Do I Explain Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 24 Jul 2022 23:53:00 +0000

How do I explain this abuse to friends and family who don’t get it.

How do I tell them? People who I really want to understand it. I want them to know why I’ve done some of what I’ve done. I want to hear my side of the story. I want them to think better of me.

I understand that drive to explain it to others. You want them to know you. You want them to hear you. I am going to use a couple of analogies today, one to better explain why they just won’t get it and one that you can use in explaining it to them to a certain degree.

I will tell you now that you cannot truly explain this to someone who has never lived it. They won’t fully get it, not entirely. Can they sympathize with you? Yes, if they are empathetic people. But they still won’t entirely understand.

And they don’t have to. You have nothing to prove to anyone anyways. Please know that others are not going to get it, at least not entirely.

Remember, you do not owe an explanation to anyone. You have nothing to prove and do not need to defend yourself to anyone. It truly does not matter what anyone else thinks of you. Those who won’t show you empathy and compassion do not need your time in that way. That is their problem, not yours. Those who offer that emotional safety to you and give you the space to talk about it or not as you need, those are the ones to lean on.

For more information on our upcoming group sessions, please visit https://www.covertnarcissism.com/group-session

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

4 Boundaries for YOU When you are with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 17 Jul 2022 20:25:00 +0000

How in the world do we set boundaries with a covert narcissist? How do we protect ourselves from all the damage they are doing?

The boundaries that we need to set are for us, not for them. The boundaries are for you. Setting boundaries for them is like giving them a challenge. It’s game on, basically a guarantee that this will do it.

Here are 4 boundaries for you to consider and work on!

Stop explaining yourself to them, defending yourself
Stop making yourself vulnerable to them
Stop expecting them to change and stop trying to help them change or to fix them
Stop making excuses for them

In this episode, I explain the need for these boundaries as well as how to implement them. Be patient with yourself as you go through this. It is not a one-time event, and it is not easy.

The only people who get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones who were benefiting from you having none.

To join my next group coaching session, visit www.covertnarcissism.com/group-session

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

My View on Codependency

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 10 Jul 2022 22:17:00 +0000

In today’s world, the word narcissism is extremely common. It is getting thrown around in many relationships, homes, places of business, schools. All over social media. Victims identify it in their abusers. Abusers throw the accusation back at their victims.

The word narcissism is being used by many that have no idea what it means. They get mad at someone and immediately call them a narcissist. They don’t like their opinion or have a disagreement, and the word narcissist comes flying out.

Therapists, counselors, psychologists, experts in the field are trying to get on top of this staggering rise in narcissism and the confusion that is running with it.

Lawyers and mediators struggle to figure out reality with those they are working with. Judges are so overwhelmed by all this that many of them don’t even allow the word narcissist to be used in their courtrooms anymore.

Side by side with this is a rise in the use of the word codependency. Another word that is being thrown around and is often misunderstood and misused. Some lay it all on the victim, saying “It’s your fault that you allowed all this abuse. It’s your codependency issue.” Only adding to the confusion so many victims already suffer from. Others get defensive and label this victim-blaming, standing up for those who have found themselves trapped in abusive relationships, just trying to make the best of it. Some victims relate to the codependency language and find a lot of healing in exploring that path. I would never take that away from them. However, others are powerfully repulsed by it.

This all gets extremely chaotic and confusing. I would like to share my view on codependency with you today.

To learn more about my upcoming group coaching sessions and to register for your spot, please visit https://www.covertnarcissism.com/group-session

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

JUST Enough Good from a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 3 Jul 2022 21:24:00 +0000

Relationships with covert narcissists often last years and decades. Why? Why did I stay for over 2 decades with this verbally, emotionally, psychologically abusive man? Why didn’t I see it sooner?? Is there something wrong with me that I didn’t see it? Because covert narcissists are experts at giving just enough to keep you hooked!!

The Covert Narcissist is Just Enough

Just enough good to keep you in, Just enough bad to chase you away

Just enough good to make you feel loved and cherished, Just enough bad to make you feel wounded and empty

Just enough good to make your heart sing, Just enough bad to destroy that very heart

Just enough good to to keep you invested, Just enough bad to leave you doubting

Just enough good to give you hope that you are making progress, Just enough bad to leave you feeling despairing and trapped

Just enough emotional expression to make you think they are sensitive and vulnerable, Just enough harshness and blaming to guarantee they have no compassion

Just enough innocence and baggage to appeal to your sympathy for them, Just enough guilting and blaming to destroy that very sympathy

Just enough effort to make you the bad person if you leave, Just enough blame to know the effort is a lie

Just enough good to convince you to stay in the relationship, Just enough bad to make you want to run away screaming

Just enough good to convince the world they are amazing, Just enough bad for you to know the truth

Just enough good to confuse you, Just enough bad to confuse you

A covert narcissist is just enough

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Love Bombing Part Two

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 26 Jun 2022 23:22:00 +0000

Welcome back to the covert narcissism podcast. I’m Renee Swanson, your host. Last week we started talking about Love bombing. What is it? How is it different from genuine relationships? How do I keep from falling prey to this again in my future relationships?

If you missed last week’s episode, please go back and listen to that one first. Then pick it up here.

People often talk about love bombing that happened at the beginning of the relationship. However, relationships with toxic people don’t always start this way. In fact some relationships with a CN do not begin with love bombing. Love bombing sometimes happens in the middle of the relationship. Adding even more to the confusion.

Which is the real him/her? Are they this loving and caring person I thought they were and they just have some bad times or unhealed trauma? Are they a mean and spiteful person and they just have some good times and loving moments? How do we answer this? How do we find the truth?

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Love Bombing

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 19 Jun 2022 16:03:00 +0000

Love bombing is when one person is overly attentive to the other, absorbed by them, and uses this to gain control and to manipulate the other. They consume you with their love, attention and affection. However once you are under their spell, their behavior turns and the devaluing begins. The cycle of love bombing and devaluing is an integral part of the relationship with a covert narcissist.

Love bombing can erase weeks and even months of bad behavior. We talk a lot about the ugly side of covert narcissism, the circular conversations, the blaming, the gaslighting, the projecting, and so on. If that is all we ever got, many of us would have left these relationships far sooner.

However, the love bombing confuses us greatly.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Interview with Ross Rosenberg

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 12 Jun 2022 19:23:00 +0000

This special extra-long episode is an incredibly helpful interview with Ross Rosenberg. We talk about his book, The Human Magnet Syndrome, the draw that happens between narcissistic people and their victims, a new look at codependency, and how to begin that healing journey. What starts off as the codependent’s dream “soul mate” almost always transforms into their nightmare “cellmate.”

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and celebrated author. He's a global thought leader and renowned clinical expert in codependency, trauma, pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and addictions. Ross's pioneering codependency contributions are responsible for the sweeping theoretical and practical updates and a treatment program that permanently resolves it. His YouTube channel best illustrates his global impact with 22 million views and 231K subscribers, and his Human Magnet Syndrome books (150K sold in 12 languages). In addition, Ross has been featured on national TV and radio and is a regular radio and podcast guest.

https://www.selfloverecovery.com/

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Your Rights When With a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 5 Jun 2022 23:14:00 +0000

Now that I have shown how I will treat every word that comes out of your mouth, you better just shut up. I’m better than you at manipulating things, turning things against you, controlling you. This is my territory. This in a marriage! So condescending. So hurtful.

It’s no wonder that we quit talking to them. So many victims shut down and go grey rock and don’t even understand why. They don’t even know what that is, but do it out of survival.

So what should those rights be? What do they look like in a healthy relationship? I re-wrote them:

"You have the right to be you. Anything you say can and will be heard and valued. You have the right to speak your mind. If you do not know how to speak your mind, I will wait patiently and eagerly to hear your thoughts. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you? With these rights in mind, are you open to speaking with me?"

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Radical Personal Responsibility

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 29 May 2022 21:53:00 +0000

I often get asked:

Why did this happen to me?
How did I get here?
How do I prevent it from ever happening again?
How do I heal from this?

These are excellent questions and they are very related to each other. Why did this happen to me has a whole lot to do with how do I prevent it from ever happening again. How did I get here is tied closely with how do I heal from this.

You need to know about Radical Personal Responsibility - Your special weapon that is unreachable for narcissistic individuals.

Taking control of your own internal world is absolutely one of your greatest tools and something that covert narcissists can never do!! I want to explain this tool to you and then teach you how to use it. The first step is to become aware of your autopilot!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Interview with Debbie Mirza

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 22 May 2022 16:30:00 +0000

Her second book "Worthy of Love' presents a gentle and restorative path to healing after narcissistic abuse. Debbie is a beautiful testimony that healing is possible and thriving is obtainable.

She is currently working on her 3rd and potentially final book in this mini-series. I look forward to reading that book as soon as it is available.

Debbie has such a gentle and tender heart for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Her gentle spirit and empowering strength are so encouraging and inspiring. She shows us all that it is possible to stand up for and protect yourself and yet maintain that kind and compassionate self that we all desire to be.

To learn more about Debbie's work, visit www.debbiemirza.com

June 1 is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day. In honor of that day, for the entire month of June, I am offering all individual sessions with at a discounted rate of $99 per hour. We can meet once or we can meet as many times as you want. If you would like to take advantage of this offer, shoot me an email at renee@cnglifecoaching.com

I also want to take a quick moment and remind you that my next round of group sessions is beginning on May 31. I only have a few spots left in these groups. You can choose between Tuesday mornings or Saturday mornings. Each group runs for 6 weeks. We meet for 2 hours on Zoom each week. You receive handouts and worksheets each week. Each group consists of 10 group members, who just like you are struggling through a relationship with a covert narcissist. It is incredibly empowering to work in a group setting where you receive so much validation for the pain, confusion and doubt that you are experiencing. If you want one of these few spots remaining, please do not hesitate to contact me. These groups will fill up.

renee@covertnarcissism.com or renee@cnglifecoaching.com

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The True Intentions of the Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 15 May 2022 23:25:00 +0000

Have you ever tried to figure out someone’s true intentions? Have you been suspicious of the intentions behind one’s behaviors? Have you ever asked yourself, Yeah but what do they really want?

Covert narcissists hide their true intentions. You can feel this when you talk with them. Something just doesn’t feel quite right. It doesn’t feel genuine. Everything they do and say has a hidden agenda. What is that agenda? What are their true intentions?

The true intentions of a covert narcissistic person are:

to rely on others to build them up, to build their self-esteem
to earn compliments and recognition
to gain admiration and the feeling of being important
to confirm that they are better or higher in status than you
to create confusion in others so they can maintain their superior confidence over your obvious inferiority
to win your apologies and continue to boost their superiority
to validate that they are a good person

How do we know this? How can you identify it in your own situation? What do you do about it?

To join our upcoming group coaching session, reach out to me at renee@covertnarcissism.com or renee@cnglifecoaching.com

For more information on the group sessions, visit https://www.covertnarcissism.com/group-session

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Effects of Projections and Expectations

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 8 May 2022 20:34:00 +0000

Since you are here listening to this, you have probably done some amount of research into narcissism. By now, you have probably run into the word projection as it relates to narcissism.

A relationship that is built on projections and expectations is a relationship that is doomed to struggle. I talk about this a lot in my group coaching program, but I have realized that I have never done a podcast episode on it. It is definitely time!

Let’s define what projection is. It is the process of misinterpreting what is on the inside of us as coming from the outside of us. Most people refer to projection as what the narcissistic person does, and they certainly do. However, projection is not limited to them. It affects all of us.

Good people project their goodness onto others and bad people project their badness. Good people expect good behavior from others and bad people expect bad behavior from others.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

My Muck Sweeping Broom

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 1 May 2022 22:29:00 +0000

I was SO good at sweeping things under the rug! I could take any huge bad things that happened and just make it disappear.

Do you know what I mean? Have you ever experienced this?

Maybe you have heard this phrase before and don’t really know what it’s talking about. I am going to explain it right here and give you personal examples from my world.

Well, my broom that I recently discovered was that All marriages have problems. I could erase any bad behavior with this broom, sweep it right away. Whoosh, under the rug it goes. What broom are you using??

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I Want Out, Now What??

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 24 Apr 2022 23:38:00 +0000

That very thought can be intensely overwhelming! Getting out of the relationship can seem impossible. How will I support myself? What about our kids? How will the family all react? How will he/she react? How do I tell them? What am I thinking? I can’t possibly do this.

It is very easy to stay in the relationship because it seems like the simpler answer. Even the thought of trying to leave can send us into a whirlwind. Heart racing, stomach feeling like it is trying to turn inside out, body tense, mind racing. How can I even be considering this?

I know these feelings all too well. I never thought in a million years that I would be taking those steps. I never saw it coming. But I just could not stay. I had tried everything I could possibly try. I didn’t have anything left in my tank. And I could not continue this way.

Do I file first and then tell him? Do I move out first? Do I tell him first? Do I pack bags? Do I tell him to leave? What do I do first?

There are so many different ways that all this happens. There is no magical “right” answer. The path is different in every situation and at the end of the day is not the most important piece. The important part is that you found your voice and your strength.

They are going to be upset no matter how you tell them. In person, by phone, write a letter. Say it this way or that way. It truly does not matter. Do you really think that you can find the magical way where they will not be angry?

So do what feels right to you. You have spent enough time and energy trying to figure out how to not upset them. You have tap danced around them enough.

Email me at renee@covertnarcissism.com or renee@cnglifecoaching.com

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Can You get PTSD from a Relationship with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 17 Apr 2022 18:18:00 +0000

Can you get PTSD or CPTSD from a relationship with a covert narcissist

100% yes!! Let’s talk about PTSD and CPTSD in relation to narcissist abuse. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is trauma response triggered from a single terrifying event, such as:

natural disaster
home intrusion
car accident
serious injury

Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is trauma responses developed from ongoing or chronic trauma. It is prolonged traumatic events, such as:

ongoing abuse
childhood abuse
domestic violence
kidnapping, enslavement
prisoner of war

The majority of people exposed to trauma do not develop long-term post-traumatic stress disorder. It is important to get help and support to prevent our normal stress reactions from developing into PTSD. A vital piece of this is the deep human need to feel safe. You need emotional safety.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Excruciating Pain of Emotional Abandonment

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Mon, 11 Apr 2022 00:35:00 +0000

Other people talked about the issue of abandonment. Some narcissists do run off with affairs. They discard their victim simply to get another one. But that didn’t apply in my situation. So I really didn’t think that abandonment was an issue for me.

Until one day, I opened my eyes and realized I was wrong. I was absolutely dealing with abandonment. He abandoned me within our home every single day. He completely isolated himself constantly. He lost himself in video games and movies for hours on end. This was every evening after work, every weekend, every holiday, every vacation, no matter where we were or who we were with. He disengaged from our lives. He checked out completely again and again and again!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Trauma Bonding Part Two

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Wed, 6 Apr 2022 20:20:00 +0000

You could even call trauma bonding a conditioned dependency. You have been conditioned to rely on this person to help you feel relief from your internal stress. They make you hurt by the way they treat you, and they make you feel better because a healthy relationship with them is what you desire. No one else can make you feel better about that relationship. They can talk with you about it. They can help support you and care for you. But no one can take away that deep internal pain that an intimate covert abuser causes. So you continue to do everything in your power to make peace with this person. You dig in so hard because you desire it SO much!

So what do we do about it? I’m going to give you 10 strategies. All 10 might not apply to you. All of us are different. Take the ones that feel right to you and start applying them to your life. Later come back and listen again, you might find a few more that will help you in the new place that you are in.

For more information on working with me, contact me at renee@covertnarcissism.com or visit our website www.covertnarcissism.com

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Trauma Bonding Part One of Two

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 3 Apr 2022 15:43:00 +0000

If this is you, what you are experiencing is trauma bonding. Trauma bonding keeps us tied to this person, no matter how badly they treat us. How does this work? Trauma bonding occurs when a narcissistic person repeats a cycle of abuse with a target which fuels a need for validation and love from the person being abused. It is a psychological addiction and a survival tactic developed by the victim.

Trauma bonding develops due to a cycle of intermittent rewards and punishments and a conditioning of the victim. The victim, you build hope, eagerly awaiting the next positive time together and a reprieve from the suffering. You do everything in your power to help this to happen, just knowing that it will come. That confidence is there because you do consistently get breadcrumbs of very loving and rewarding moments.

The more you reach out to this covert abuser for love, recognition, comfort, validation, support, reconciliation, or closure, the stronger the trauma bond becomes. The longer period of time or more cycles that you have lived through with this abuser, the stronger the trauma bond is.

For more information on our group coaching sessions, visit www.covertnarcissism.com/group-session or email me at renee@covertnarcissism.com

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Living in the Narcissistic FOG

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 27 Mar 2022 18:46:00 +0000

The internal reaction of, “I’ll never do that again,” or "I'll never say that again," is the beginning of FEAR. Whatever it was that provoked that reaction from them that you just experienced, you will now avoid at all costs. Fear of their anger, their rejection, their judgment, even their silence.

Not even aware of the driving force of fear in our lives, it becomes an unspoken mission to keep him/her happy, or at least not angry. It becomes our duty, our responsibility, our job, our OBLIGATION. I "should" make them feel better. I "should" keep peace with them. I "should" be more affectionate. I "should" be more clear with my words. And so on.

Living a life out obligation is a sure way to live a life out GUILT. Now I feel guilty for falling short of these obligations. I feel guilty when I no longer want to fulfill these obligations. Covert narcissistic abuse gets inside our very core and leaves deep, deep wounds. We join the abuser in abusing ourselves when we add our own guilt to the dynamic at play.

You have been made to feel guilty and responsible for any and every bad thing that has ever happened or ever will happen. In this thick FOG, you cannot see clearly. You are disoriented and confused. Things don’t make sense. It is no wonder that you don't feel like yourself anymore. It is time to get out from under this FOG and find you again.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

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3 Landmarks that Boosted Me Forward

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 20 Mar 2022 17:22:00 +0000

Last night, I was caught off guard with a question I had not really thought about. I was not prepared to answer this question about my journey with a covert narcissistic husband. Here's the question:

Name 3 significant landmarks along the way. Three things that boosted me forward on this journey and got me to where I am today.

The truly life-changing landmarks were internal! These were the moments that really shot me forward. They were the light bulb moments, the A-ha moments. In these moments, the FOG lifted significantly, and I made gigantic leaps in my journey. These were momentous steps towards saving ME, finding ME, and healing ME. These are my true landmarks!

To learn more about my group coaching sessions, visit https://www.covertnarcissism.com/group-session

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Everything you say and do can and will get used against you

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 13 Mar 2022 18:49:00 +0000

When you are with a covert narcissist, everything you do gets used against you. Everything you say. Everything you do. Even every kind or compassionate act you do.

In this episode, I give you personal examples from my own marriage to a covert narcissist. When you hear how ridiculous these situations are, please reflect on your own experiences. How do they treat you? Are you safe with them, physically, but also emotionally and mentally?

When they don’t make it safe for us to talk to them, help them, support them, and so on, we simply quit doing it. When others make it hard to help them, people stop helping! This is completely understandable. Put boundaries in place that protect you, your heart, your mind, your soul. We will be talking more about boundaries in future episodes!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Compare the life of a covert narcissist with the life of their victim

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 6 Mar 2022 18:25:00 +0000

Are you trying to decide if all you are going through is "normal," or if it is fair and reasonable?

In the last two episodes, I have talked about the codependency traits that so many victims have in common and the eternal victim role that covert narcissists play. These two things get trapped together so incredibly often.

On one side, you have a person who does no self-reflection, no self-improvement, and no internal work. Instead they express out all the ways they have been hurt in life. The abuse they suffered as a child. The mistreatment from parents, siblings, friends. The abuse they suffered from previous relationships, leaving them “broken” and insecure. The ways that everything you say hurts them, reminds them of their past abuse, resurfaces their hurt self. The eternal victim!

On the other side, you have a person who desires to care for others. To build other people up. To help others become the best they can be. To “fix” them. To save them. Willing to do the extra work. Willing to give the benefit of the doubt. To carry extra blame so the other person doesn’t have to. To carry your own load and half of theirs too. To look at your own smallest faults and blame these over the massive faults the other person displays. To hold yourself accountable for everything, while letting them off the hook for anything.

This is NOT a good combination! Works out great for the covert narcissist, who does none of the work and does anything they want all the time. It is horrible for their partner, who does all the work and never does anything they themselves want.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Eternal Victim Role of a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 27 Feb 2022 19:21:00 +0000

I hear so many people who have lived with a covert narcissist describe this person as a victim of everything. They can make everything be an attack on them or another way they got slighted.

Covert narcissists love to play the victim role. They see themselves as an eternal victim. They will deny this of course. If you try to talk to them about it, then they will often react with sullenness and despair at how much your words are hurting them. Taking them right back into that victim role. Of course, you can’t say this is exactly what I am talking about because they will just loop it right back around on you.

It isn’t always clear as to whether they actually truly see themselves as victims or not. Do they believe they are victims or are they just manipulating the social situation to feed their intense need for attention? This is not always clear. But regardless, the victim mentality fills many of the needs of a covert narcissist. It goes hand in hand with many of the characteristics of narcissism, and we are going to explore this today.

This victim role is so damaging when you, as a kind, caring and compassionate person, have a burning desire to help others, to treat others with respect, to care for others. We often go too far in believing that their pain and suffering is all our fault. If you are struggling with this, please listen to this episode today!

Join us on Patreon for continued support as you heal from covert narcissistic abuse. The more people we can reach, the more fuel we take away from narcissists. Maybe, just maybe, together we can stop its spread! www.patreon.com/covertnarcissism

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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How My Codependent Tendencies Led Me Straight to a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 20 Feb 2022 19:21:00 +0000

I realize now how much my own background played a part in all of this. How that very background could cause me to easily repeat this pattern, like so many do. So many victims leave one abusive relationship and walk directly into another one. I get asked so often, how do I break this cycle of toxic relationships?

Start by looking, not at those you are with, but instead directly at yourself. Your own tendencies, your own survival skills, your own reactions, your own expectations, your own boundaries or lack thereof. Let’s look at YOU!

NO, this isn't your fault in any way!! You didn't ask for the abuse in any way! But these codependent tendencies make us huge targets for narcissistic people, especially covert narcissists. It is time to break this cycle!!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Midweek Check In #2

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Wed, 16 Feb 2022 15:26:00 +0000

Grasping covert narcissism is like grasping the wind. It is here one minute and gone the next. We think we have a solid grasp on it only to watch that slip away. This only adds to the confusion we have, causing many victims to slip back into the cycle and blame themselves once again. Because of this, I am adding a Wednesday podcast that is a midweek check in. This will be brief reviews of key elements to keep present in your mind. My goal is to help you keep clarity on how you are feeling and why, on what is going on in your world, and to help you stay on a path of healing. Today's episode focuses on two things: Circular Conversations and the Agonizing Lack of Give with a Covert Narcissist --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Entitlement - Feeding that False Self of Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 13 Feb 2022 19:13:00 +0000

The entitlement of a narcissistic person screams, "I am special simply because! I am better than everyone. I am more important than everyone. Everyone knows I am special and should treat me as such."

Individuals with narcissistic tendencies expect special treatment. They feel that good things should come their way simply because of who they are. Not because of anything they have or haven't done, but rather just because they "deserve" it.

They believe that they are superior to others and thus deserve special treatment. They expect more respect and more attention, often demanding treatment that is different from everyone else and not at all reasonable. In fact, it is often quite shocking behavior from a full-grown adult.

Where does this entitlement come from? From a deep internal emptiness. We are going to talk about that emptiness, where it comes from and how it plays out with covert narcissists.

Join us on Patreon for semi-weekly nuggets of awareness to keep your eyes open to what is going on and why you feel the way you feel. This is a vital part of your healing journey! www.patreon.com/covertnarcissism

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert Narcissism Podcast Trailer

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 6 Feb 2022 22:49:00 +0000

Hi, I’m Renee Swanson. Host of the covert narcissism podcast!

Narcissism is a very common word in today’s world. Narcissists are the arrogant, self-centered, loud life of the party, who only talk about themselves, bragging and over-exaggerating their achievements.

Covert narcissists aren’t like this. They hide their narcissism to an insane level. Not only does the world not see it, but the victim doesn’t see it. Even the covert narcissist can convince themselves that they are caring and compassionate people.

They carry the same traits of arrogance, superiority, entitlement, hyper-sensitivity and so on. But they hide them behind a facade of humbleness, quietness, compassion, and even insecurity.

Learning to see through their masks, their games, their manipulations. Learn to protect yourself from their abuse.

Join me and thousands of others today through the covert narcissism podcast. You can find my podcast anywhere that you consume the podcasts that you enjoy. You can also join us in our closed Facebook group, Covert Narcissism Group. I wish you much peace on your journey of healing!

--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

A Deeper Look at Passive Aggressive Behavior

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 6 Feb 2022 21:49:00 +0000

Today, I give you some specific characteristics and examples of passive aggressive behavior.

To learn more about our group coaching sessions, visit www.covertnarcissism.com

To join us on Patreon, go to www.patreon.com/covertnarcissism

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Midweek Check In

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Wed, 2 Feb 2022 17:30:00 +0000

Grasping covert narcissism is like grasping the wind. It is here one minute and gone the next. We think we have a solid grasp on it only to watch that slip away.

This only adds to the confusion we have, causing many victims to slip back into the cycle and blame themselves once again.

Because of this, I am adding a Wednesday podcast that is a midweek check in. This will be brief reviews of key elements to keep present in your mind.

My goal is to help you keep clarity on how you are feeling and why, on what is going on in your world, and to help you stay on a secure path of healing.

Today’s episode is an inside look at 4 specific issues

Covert narcissism and hyper sensitivity
A Thousand Bee Stings
Why it is so hard to explain covert narcissism to others
Why do covert narcissists seem so genuine

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Mixed-Up Emotions as the Relationship Ends

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 30 Jan 2022 23:13:00 +0000

But I wasn’t. I was overwhelmed with emotions I didn’t expect. I dropped on my bed and sobbed. I cried for many days. Why? This isn’t what I expected. My heart was heavy. My stomach was a wreck. My mind was numb. My emotions were all over the place. My body simply did not want to function.

But I thought I would be rejoicing. I had been looking forward to this day for so long. Why am I not happy? Why am I not relieved and peaceful? Is something wrong with me? Did I make a wrong choice? Was I happier in the relationship? Should I call him back? Is something wrong with me?

I’m Renee Swanson, your host of the Covert Narcissism Podcast. Today we are talking about the shock your system goes through when the relationship finally ends. These mixed-up emotions can cause great confusion, leading many victims to break no contact and jump back into the relationship.

Learning about them, identifying them, and building skills to handle them is vital to your journey of healing!!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

First Steps of Healing from Covert Narcissistic Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Mon, 24 Jan 2022 03:49:00 +0000

I get asked frequently, how do I heal from this? How do you ever get over it? How do you move forward? Will I ever trust again? Can I have a healthy relationship?

The day that your eyes first see this abuse was life-changing. That moment of realization that reality is not what you thought. That maybe, just maybe, this isn’t actually your fault. That first hint of realization. This is commonly followed quickly by glimpses of the realization that you also cannot fix this. These glimpses come in and out of awareness in the beginning stages of recognition.

But once you start seeing it, you can’t unsee it. Once you start knowing it, you can’t unknow it. But now what do you do? How do you move forward when you feel frozen in fear and uncertainty?

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This Was Never About You

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 16 Jan 2022 17:34:00 +0000

THIS WAS NEVER ABOUT YOU!!

The way they talk to you
The way they treat you
The reactions they have
The looks
The silent treatment
The circular conversations from
The abuse
All of it

It was never about you. You need to know that. You need to hear what I am saying.

If you want to find healing inside of you, this is so vitally important. This experience you have been through, the pain, the anguish, the anxiety, none of it had anything to do with you.

I’m Renee Swanson, creator of the Covert Narcissism Podcast. You need to hear what I am saying today!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What is Cognitive Dissonance and What Do I Do About It?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Mon, 10 Jan 2022 01:34:00 +0000

This is because of cognitive dissonance. In this episode, I am going to help you understand what cognitive dissonance is, why it happens, and what to do about it.

You have forgotten what life is supposed to feel like. You have forgotten how to relax and enjoy the beauty of life. You have forgotten what it feels like to be you! It is time to remind yourself!!

I wish you much peace on your journey of healing!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Removing Trauma from the Body

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 6 Jan 2022 02:38:00 +0000

Midweek special episode!!

By 2012, Dr Melissa had achieved every goal on her over-achiever to-do list yet was miserable.

Check out her program here!!

This episode is sponsored by
· Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Grasping Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Mon, 3 Jan 2022 00:43:00 +0000

The covert narcissist is a master at appearing innocent, kind, compassionate, generous, sincere, benevolent, and much more. To the world, they look not only normal, but even better. They could convince Mother Teresa that they are the perfect spouse. Yet underneath that, in the most subtle ways, they treat people with contempt, disregard, hatred, condescension, disdain, antipathy, and much more. I felt like one minute I understood and the very next it was gone. It was like I was trying to grasp the wind. One minute it made sense, and the next minute I had no idea.

If I was struggling this much to understand it, how in the world could I expect my friends to understand it. So why do we try SO hard to understand? Why do we research like crazy? Googling, reading, listening, watching. I didn’t work this hard when I was in school, and I was a dedicated student. But this? This I was absorbing 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, trying so hard to figure out what was going on and why.

Join us on Patreon.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Victims Often Join the Abuse Themselves

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 26 Dec 2021 23:21:00 +0000

You accept the projecting, blaming and guilting. You defend yourself but the circular conversations convince you that you are wrong. Ultimately, you decide that maybe you are the problem. You blame yourself. You make it all your fault. You do everything you can to fix it.

You hold yourself to unreasonable standards and expectations. While the covert narcissist in your life sits and watches.

You are brainwashed into hating yourself. You squash your own self-esteem without even realizing what is going on.

The self-abuse must stop! You do deserve the help and support! You are worthy of your own love and care.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Blame Shifting - A Powerful Tool for the Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 19 Dec 2021 22:57:00 +0000

If you don't tell me to do it, then it is your fault that it didn't get done. If you tell me to do it, then it is your fault if it doesn't go right.

Have you ever heard these words or experienced these attitudes? Covert narcissists are SO good at dodging responsibility.

I used to wonder why he wouldn’t even choose the restaurant for our dinner. Many years later, I discovered that he wouldn’t choose so that nothing could ever be his fault. Why would he not make the plans for our vacation? But yet he would be so mad at me for the plans I made. He would not make the plans so that nothing would ever be his fault. And yet he would be mad at me because everything was my fault.

He didn’t help do the chores around the house because he didn’t want to do it wrong and make me mad. So he just did nothing! In his mind, then I could not be mad at him because he didn’t do anything wrong.

Blame shifting is a common weapon for a covert narcissist. If you are listening to this today - stop taking the blame for their faults. Stop taking responsibility for their stuff. You are not doing them or yourself any favors. They have their life to live. They have their own to answer for. Don’t let them lay this on your shoulders anymore!!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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The Narcissism Spectrum

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Mon, 13 Dec 2021 05:26:00 +0000

Yes they are! Well, maybe they aren’t. No, they can’t be. Yes, they definitely are! Around and around we go inside our own heads.

Narcissism is not a pass/fail test. It isn’t you either are or you aren’t. It just isn’t that simple.

Narcissism is on a spectrum, with extreme codependency on one end and extreme narcissism on the other. In a very simplified explanation, codependency is putting everyone else’s needs far above your own, unable to care for your own needs. Narcissism is putting your own needs far above anyone else’s, unable to care for anyone else’s needs.

This spectrum is not static. People fluctuate on it. Just because you see narcissistic traits does not automatically mean your partner or family member is a narcissist. Equally true, just because you see some compassionate moments does not automatically mean that this person is not a narcissist.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Breaking the Internal Chains of Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 5 Dec 2021 21:24:00 +0000

All of this from a simple memory that still haunts you today. This is PTSD and can create problems for years, decades, even the rest of your life.

December 2nd was a significant day in my world with my covert narcissistic husband, who is now my ex. This year I was purposeful about breaking those memories and turning that date around in my world. Here is my story!!

Remember, you are stronger than you know! You can break these internal chains too! I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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The Narcissist’s Prayer Part 2

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 2 Dec 2021 02:55:00 +0000

These tactics include gaslighting, denial, guilt manipulation, passive aggressiveness, blame shifting, victim playing, projecting and a complete unwillingness to have any give.

The covert narcissist might not use these exact words, but the attitudes are definitely conveyed.

That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.

They will absolutely blame you for what they did and use illogical arguments to persuade you. These are even delivered with such conviction that you will find yourself fooled. They will spin the direction of the arguments so quickly that you don’t even know what is going on. You are agreeing with them to keep the peace and don’t even know what you are agreeing to.

You are left utterly confused, while you are apologizing to them! For something…there’s a good chance you don’t even know for what.

Whether you leave or stay is up to you. But make the choice with your eyes open. Know your reality and trust your heart! I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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The Narcissist’s Prayer Part 1

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Mon, 29 Nov 2021 00:35:00 +0000

That didn't happen.

And if it did, it wasn't that bad.

And if it was, that's not a big deal.

And if it is, that's not my fault.

And if it was, I didn't mean it.

And if I did, you deserved it.

The truth is simply whatever serves the narcissist at that particular time. This truth changes as needed, sometimes at a very quick pace. This plays into everything we have been talking about on this podcast.

You are left utterly confused, while you are apologizing to them! For something…there’s a good chance you don’t even know what for.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Episode 5 - How do We Turn the Survival Skills Off

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 21 Nov 2021 20:39:00 +0000

So how do we build healthy relationships after being with a covert narcissist? How are these trauma responses affecting us still? How do we turn them off?

Our trauma responses to an abusive environment are survival skills and natural instincts under threatening circumstances. They range from physical outbursts of yelling and throwing things to internal reactions of shutting down and internalizing everything. These learned behaviors affect our lives drastically and all of our relationships with others.

Turning these survival tactics off is crucial to setting yourself up for a more relaxed life and healthy relationships. Learning to relax and trust life again are vital steps to break the cycle of abusive partners and to attract healthier people into your life. Here are some specific tools you need for this journey of healing!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Episode 4 - The Survival Skills of a Covert Narcissist and Their Victim

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 18 Nov 2021 03:21:00 +0000

There are very distinct reasons that you see signs of narcissism in you or your children, and they have to do with the survival skills we have been discussing in this series. No, this does not make you a narcissist! I want to explain to you why you see this, what really is happening, and what to do about it.

Narcissism is a learned set of survival skills that becomes one’s entire personality and their way of interacting with their world. Let me explain what I mean. This covert narcissist in your life has put you into an environment where you, over time, begin living from your own survival skills. The trauma responses we have been talking about in this series. I will say again - these are normal and healthy responses to an abusive environment.

One large problem is that they look an awful lot like the survival skills that narcissists live by. They are just glimpses of it, not your entire being, but these glimpses can leave many victims confused and worried.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Episode 3 - Tactical Responses to the Trauma of Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Mon, 15 Nov 2021 02:34:00 +0000

Have you ever found yourself to be extremely defensive, feeling the need to protect yourself before anyone even attacks? How about having the burning need to be perfect so nothing ever goes wrong?

When you are living in an abusive situation, physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, you develop survival tactics. As a human being, you are wired to protect yourself. This is normal!

The tactical responses we have come from the drive to take the situation at hand and find ways to make it work. It is driven by the intense desire to fix this! You won’t give up on the relationship for whatever reason and are determined to survive this. You might even feel like you are then making it work. I am fixing this! But it isn’t sustainable!!

Defensiveness and trying to be perfect create so many problems in our life and can haunt us as we try to move into future relationships. They work against healthy relationships and can leave you trapped in a cycle of abusive ones. Make a plan for stopping these trauma responses and regaining control of your life again!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Episode 2 - Internal Trauma Responses to Covert Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Wed, 10 Nov 2021 16:41:00 +0000

My husband accused me of pulling away emotionally. I wanted to scream, Of course I’m pulling away! Even a child knows to pull away when they have been hurt over and over again. I was accused of not being emotionally available to him anymore. Of course I’m not!

I had peeled open my heart and laid it at his feet repeatedly. And he had stomped all over it again and again. You want me to continue making myself available for that??? You can’t be serious? Do you really not understand this? Can you really not see why I pull away?

After all the attempts I made at explaining this to him, I could not believe that he could stand there and tell me that I should be more emotionally available to him! You have got to be kidding me!

Shutting down is a normal and common trauma response to an abusive environment. Don’t judge your responses. They are completely justified and understandable. Identify where they came from. An abusive environment. They are survival skills. But you don’t need these survival skills in a safe environment. As you learn more about them, you will begin the process of letting them go.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Episode 1 - Reactive Abuse: The Physical and Outward Reactions of Victims

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 7 Nov 2021 17:29:00 +0000

Episode 1 of a mini-series on reactive abuse and trauma responses.

Many victims have had these experiences and thoughts. You are not alone and you are not crazy!

What you are experiencing is often called reactive abuse. Have you ever heard of this? Reactive abuse is the survival skills we build in an abusive relationship just to protect ourselves. We want the pain to stop. We have tried so many other avenues. We are exhausted and now we are out of options. So we become aggressive, like a cornered cat. These are simply reactions to our abusive environment and lack of ability to stop it.

These can be emotional outbursts, yelling, screaming, even hitting. You have reached the end of your rope, just can’t take it anymore, and you explode. It can feel totally out of control and cause major issues for you as people now see you as the violent one.

These reactions can also be much more internal. Shutting down, keeping your mouth shut, unwilling to voice your opinion, giving in, over-thinking, over-analyzing, trying to be perfect.

They can even lie somewhere in the middle. Defensiveness, protecting yourself before anyone even attacks, explaining yourself when you don’t have to, anticipating problems way ahead and trying to divert them.

All of these are trauma responses and reasonable reactions to an unreasonable situation.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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How to Save Our Kids During a Traumatic Divorce with a Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 31 Oct 2021 23:12:00 +0000

For more information on her programs, click below:

How to Co-Parent with a Narcissist

The 30-Day Divorce Triage

The questions addressed in this episode include:

For more information on her programs, click below:

How to Co-Parent with a Narcissist

The 30-Day Divorce Triage

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Signs of Abuse Inside the Victim of a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 24 Oct 2021 22:21:00 +0000

Covert narcissism is so well hidden that most victims have no idea that it is abuse until they are many years, even decades, into a relationship. Some never ever see it.

This is part 2 of the signs of covert narcissism. If you missed part one, go back and listen to last week’s episode. It is titled It’s About What the Victim Doesn’t See.

In that episode I talk about the fact that the victim doesn’t see the abuse. I don’t want to take anything away from the fact that the world doesn’t see it either. They certainly don’t! This is an issue that I will be addressing here in a future episode.

So that last episode is the covert narcissism checklist, and I explain how each abusive characteristic is so easily hidden from the victim.

Now part 2 is about the signs that are in you, the victim. Sometimes the best way to tell if a person is narcissistic is to look at the thoughts and feelings of those closest to them. You need to take a deep look inside of you to see if the signs of abuse are there.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

It’s About What the Victim Doesn’t See

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Mon, 18 Oct 2021 14:46:00 +0000

So you find yourself trying to answer some questions. Is my partner a covert narcissist? Am I a victim of abuse? What exactly is a covert narcissist?

Many people know the term narcissist. We see it as the loud, boisterous person who is always the center of attention. They are arrogant, superior to everyone else, and a know-it-all. They don’t bother trying to hide this and in fact seem to love it about themselves.

You might be thinking, “This description doesn’t quite fit my partner. The arrogance is there, but they aren’t loud and boisterous. Their superiority is so covered that no one really sees it. In fact, I’m not even sure that it is there. They seem to carry some aspects of narcissism, but then again, maybe I’m imagining it.”

I was once asked, “What makes a narcissist covert? Don’t they all do things in secret? Wouldn’t that mean that all narcissists are covert?”

It is true that narcissists abuse behind closed doors. They have affairs in secret and live secret lives. However, with covert narcissists, it isn’t that the world doesn’t see the abuse. It’s that the victim doesn’t see it.

The covert part of narcissism is that you, the victim, don’t see the abuse!! The victim does not know that they are being abused, and this makes it so much worse!

To make matters worse, you begin to talk with your family and friends. And they blow it off. They tell you that you are over-reacting. That you are making something out of nothing. That he is a wonderful person. So you doubt yourself even more!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Two Tools for Healing from Covert Narcissistic Abuse

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 10 Oct 2021 23:15:00 +0000

I hear so many people say, "My therapist doesn't have a clue about narcissism. And especially covert narcissism." They go to therapy for years and seem to make no progress in healing. Therapists, no matter how good they are, if they haven't lived through covert narcissism, then they will not entirely understand. I was blessed to have found a therapist that understood narcissism. In fact, it was the first therapist I went to regarding my marriage. He was such a huge help to me. He had lived narcissism in his past, so he understood what I was going through. Because so many people are struggling to make progress in healing and struggling to find help, I want to give you two tools that helped me tremendously in my healing journey. These tools came from the work I did with my therapist combined with the massive amount of researching I was doing, and they were life-changing! No one learns as much about narcissism as one who is living it. In my situation, this enormous amount of research paid off! --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Passive Aggressiveness and Gaslighting

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Mon, 4 Oct 2021 02:38:00 +0000

I am losing my mind! Apparently everything I do hurts his feelings. I can’t get anything right. I go out of my way to make him feel happy and everything hurts his feelings. I go out of my way to leave him alone and give him space and everything hurts his feelings. One day he says this, the next day he says that. I don’t know what to do anymore. If this is you, you might be dealing with a covert narcissist! Their passive aggressiveness and gaslighting create an environment where you are constantly walking on eggshells around their hurt feelings. You feel totally responsible for their happiness and unhappiness in life. It is not only exhausting, it is impossible! This is a situation where you, the victim/target, are destined for failure. It does not matter how determined you are. It does not matter how educated, experienced, compassionate, or anything else that you are. It simply does not matter! A covert narcissist is the world's greatest victim and passive aggressiveness is one of their most effective tools! Everything you do is capable of hurting their feelings, and I mean everything. It is not possible to know what will and what won't, so you are on guard all the time. And no matter how good your guard is, it will never be good enough! --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I Lost Myself to a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Mon, 27 Sep 2021 01:16:00 +0000

A Covert narcissist takes over your life. I have heard so many victims so I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I just want to be me again. I feel like I lost myself.

One of the problems of living with a covert narcissist is that your mind is constantly wrapped up in the past and the future. The present is NOT safe. Out of the need for survival, we stay in the past and future.

One of the pitfalls of covert narcissists is that they are completely wrapped up in their own mind. They are living entirely in the past or the future. Their present moment doesn’t exist. Because you are dealing with them on a daily and intimate level, you are forced into their world of existence.

One of the biggest reasons that victims say I don’t even recognize myself anymore is because they are spending so much energy anticipating and dancing around the expectations of this abuser in their life. The absolute first step is to stop playing their game. As you do, you will start experiencing more and more head space freeing up inside you. You will have room to breathe, room to think, room to find you again.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How Does This Get Better?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Mon, 20 Sep 2021 15:32:00 +0000

How do I fix this? I used to ask that for years. Every day of my life

I can fix anything. If I can just help him to see… If I can just find the right words…

How does this get better? I get asked this by so many people. Victims who are in the exact place that I used to be. Women and men who are desperate for things to get better. And these are people who are willing to do whatever it takes. People who are dedicated with every fiber of their being.

Let me tell you something - Your life gets better when you put yourself back as the main character of your own life.

Who is your current main character of your life? What about of your mental life, your head space?

If you are in an intimate relationship with a covert narcissist, such as spouse or close family member, then that person plays a very dominant role in your mental world. they have their own life to live. You CANNOT live it for them!

This is your life! The only one you get. Be the main character of YOUR story!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert Narcissists See Their World Through a Filter of Anger

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Wed, 15 Sep 2021 03:44:00 +0000

They continuously stomp all over your feelings and don’t show an ounce of care about it. They can talk harshly and callously one minute and be confused as to why you don’t want to hold their hand or go to bed with them the very next minute.

Even when you try to explain it to them, they seem completely incapable of connecting the dots. In fact, just trying to talk with them about it can quickly start you on a never-ending downward spiral of verbal abuse. And again, the next day, it all just disappears, as though it never even happened in the first place.

It is crazy!!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Two Things You Should Never Say to a Victim of Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 5 Sep 2021 19:30:00 +0000

In this episode, I discuss two things that people should never say to these victims, two things that you don’t want to hear in your world right now, and why they are so problematic.

1 - "Well, marriage does take effort."

2 - "You know, It does take two."

Yes, marriage does take work. There are conversations that are hard, but there is a huge difference between conversations that should be hard and those that simply should not. Whether to move or not is a tough decision and should be hard. What do you want for dinner should not be a difficult conversation. Some conversations should be hard, but they should not ALL be hard!

Yes, it does take two to make a strong marriage, but it only takes one to destroy it!

If you are in the position of offering support to someone who is struggling in a narcissistic relationship, please know that this person feels utterly exhausted and completely overwhelmed. They have been working in overdrive and making absolutely no progress. Please do not add to their feeling of hopelessness by telling this these two things. Instead, help them to see that they are not solely responsible for fixing their marriage. It does take two, and they cannot fix this without some give from their partner too.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Guilt Manipulation: How a Covert Narcissist Uses Your Own Guilt Against You

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sat, 28 Aug 2021 20:10:00 +0000

Guilt is such a unique thing. It can be wonderful and horrible all at the same time.

Many of us are raised to feel guilty when we do something that we should not or when we hurt someone’s feelings. We are taught that we should feel bad and make it right. This is not a bad thing

Guilt motivates us to apologize. It motivates us to do right and to fix things. Without guilt, we might not make amends. We might not make it right.

When dealing with a covert narcissist, it’s a problem. They are manipulators of this guilt. They will use this good trait against you in extreme ways. They will spin everything in just the right way to fully activate the guilt inside of you. They will do it with just enough truth in what they say to cause you to take full responsibility and work so hard to make everything right. Your own good conscience is used against you!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What Really is a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Mon, 23 Aug 2021 15:42:00 +0000

I hope this episode helps you to gain a better understanding of what covert narcissism is. Regardless of what type of narcissism you are dealing with, abuse is abuse and abuse is wrong!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Brinkmanship: The Crazy-Making Skills of a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 13:00:00 +0000

Little did I know, he had been practicing brinkmanship since his childhood.

He would push situations to their breaking point. He would push me and our kids to the brink, edge of a cliff to get the outcome he wanted. Make us as uncomfortable as he possibly could until we gave in. We gave in to make peace and to keep our sanity. And once again he got what he wanted, to feel in charge, to feel superior, to get out of all responsibility.

Take charge of your life back! The narcissist shows their true colors over and over. Let them. That is theirs to own. Don't let this decide who you are. Don't give them that power over you!

You get to choose who you are! You are in control of your life! Not them!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

A Grenade Inside a Tank

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sat, 31 Jul 2021 17:08:00 +0000

It is a problem when the survival skills from living with a covert narcissist become a way of life for the victim. We struggle because we carry this on with us even after the relationship has ended.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

4 Hooks that Covert Narcissists Use to Rope You Back In Once Again

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 23 Jul 2021 03:22:00 +0000

Covert narcissists are experts at hooking a victim back in over and over and over.

They know how to play on your sympathy. They know how to make you feel guilty and responsible for their well-being. They know how to make you feel needed and thus you stay to help them.

So many victims of covert narcissists spend years and decades of wanting to leave the relationship only to be hooked back in again and again.

Start learning what these hooks look like, how to recognize them for what they are, and how to get out of their grip.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Bone Dry Exhaustion of Life with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Tue, 13 Jul 2021 15:11:00 +0000

A narcissistic person cannot even do step A to help a relationship. You can wear the entire alphabet out multiple times, and they still haven't even found step A. Not even a tiny step. Nothing!

The level of exhaustion that comes with this is unbelievable. It is a bone dry emptiness. I had absolutely nothing left in my tank. I was on empty!

So why do we wear ourselves out so much trying to make the relationship work? Why do we work so hard at it? What if we put all that effort into ourselves? It is time to offer yourself the same effort that you have offered to this abuser. You deserve it!!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Interview about covert narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Mon, 5 Jul 2021 17:01:00 +0000

Victims of covert narcissism have so many questions running through their mind. While I do get asked many questions, some questions show up in almost every conversation.

How did you realize you were with a covert narcissist?

What is a covert narcissist?

What does a relationship with a covert narcissist look like?

What do I do now?

Where can I find help?

I have an upcoming group coaching session for victims just like you to find healing and support! Email me to learn more at renee@covertnarcissism.com

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Just Hard to Relax - Living in a Courtroom with a Covert Narcissism

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 27 Jun 2021 00:00:00 +0000

Living with a covert narcissist is like trying to live in a war zone or in a courtroom when you are the one on trial.

You feel like you are living in a courtroom, always on trial, always under attack, always needing to defend your opinions and thoughts. Nothing is ever safe. You remain in a constant state of hypervigilance.

Your mind is always trying to stay ahead of the conflicts. So you build opening arguments in anticipation of a problem. You see potential problems everywhere!

Once in a problem, your mind goes to survival mode. You feel like you are under examination. You try every angle you can to find peace. You might even experience some reactive abuse, where you flare out at your abuser out of desperation.

Last, you never find resolution. So you walk away with your mind now making multiple closing arguments, most of which will never be voiced.

Yet the cycle starts all over again. Your mind is back on watch, trying to anticipate the next problem.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Q&A Session on Parenting with a Toxic Partner

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Mon, 21 Jun 2021 01:17:00 +0000

Parenting with a toxic partner is the single hardest thing I have ever done in life. It is a living nightmare!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Shouldn’t I just be grateful that it isn’t worse!?!

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 17 Jun 2021 16:54:00 +0000

This podcast is audio taken from 2 short video clips that I made just recently. I want to share it here!

I am thoroughly enjoying making podcasts and wanted to share with you a glimpse of some of my previous work. I hope that this helps. I wish you so much peace on your own journey of healing!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

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Clinging to the Breadcrumbs

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 13 Jun 2021 15:04:00 +0000

Have you ever said...But we have some good times together. Remember that one day…. Remember that one time…. Are you building an intimate relationship on breadcrumbs?

Sure, we would have some good times together. We had evenings that were successful and happy. We had the occasional weekends where his anger stayed in check. But I came to the realization that I was hanging on to those all-too-rare times and pretending that they were our reality. I was desperately trying to build a home and raise kids around that illusion. It wasn't working.

These breadcrumbs make the entire situation worse. If they weren’t there, many of us would leave so much sooner. We probably would not even end up in the relationship in the first place.

But these breadcrumbs give us hope. They give us positive memories to hold on to. Positive times to talk about and to dream about. They are part of what keeps us hooked in these relationships for years or even decades.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Why do I Wonder if I am the Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Tue, 8 Jun 2021 13:23:00 +0000

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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No Reconciliation Ever with a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Fri, 4 Jun 2021 13:34:00 +0000

This is not the case when you are in a relationship with a covert narcissist. You are not allowed to be human. There is no room for mistakes or misunderstandings. Trying to reconcile with them is one of the most infuriating things to go through. It is maddening and impossible!

I mean how do you reconcile with someone who throws everything back at you! With someone who has absolutely no give!

It is far easier to make excuses for them. This is what many victims do for years and decades. Until one day, you just can't take it anymore!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Why Can’t Covert Narcissists Give in Communication and What To Do About It

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 30 May 2021 19:59:00 +0000

You can see this is how you react to their attacks. You learn that it isn't safe to offer peace in conversations with them. They learned this as a child and developed a phobia of give.

They can't say something as simple as, "I could have said it better, sorry about that, or "You probably didn’t mean it that way, that’s on me"

In this episode, I give you one very effective tactic for avoiding these blow-ups with a covert narcissist when you have to interact with them. Try it out. It works!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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The Agonizing Lack of Give in a Covert Narcissist

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Thu, 27 May 2021 14:17:00 +0000

When in regular casual conversation with someone, we often confirm that we are hearing what the other person is saying. We make little sounds, comments, and gestures: such as a nod, a smile, yeah, uh-huh, true, sure, etc. People react to each other in conversation.

All these remarks show understanding, agreement or support. At the very least they validate your interaction with this person. You don’t feel like you are talking into a void.

This give and take does not happen with a covert narcissist. You are met with the most agonizing silence, so empty and painful. When talking with my CN husband, I would get to a spot in the conversation where people naturally interject something. So I would pause in expectation. Nothing! Silence. Awkwardness. Emptiness.

So I go on talking, wondering if I am being heard, wondering if I am making sense

When dealing with a covert narcissist, there is no slack, no margin, no benefit of the doubt. There is no give!

Trying to understand this is like trying to catch a ghost. As soon as you think you have a grasp on it, it disappears again. We are trying to understand something that is almost impossible to even talk about.

It’s hard because it isn’t always in what they did, it’s in what they didn’t do. What they didn’t say. That stone-cold silence and lack of give.

Coming soon: Why do covert narcissists have such an extreme inability to offer that give that is so necessary in relationships?

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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8 Signs of a Circular Conversations from , Part 2

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Mon, 24 May 2021 14:56:00 +0000

In these two episodes, I address and describe 8 signs of these circular conversations. Here is a quick list of those signs:

1. You find yourself teaching an adult about basic communication skills and basic human emotions.

2. You find yourself thinking, “If I could just find the right words, then he would stop treating me this way.”

3. These conversations are antagonistic and combative, verbal competitions.

4. There is no resolution in these conversations.

5. They switch the topic constantly, keeping you on the defense.

6. They play the eternal victim.

7. You walk away thinking, “What in the world just happened?”

8. They use the silent treatment inside the conversation, holding you in an intense silence and in knots.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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8 Signs of a Circular Conversations from , Part 1

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sat, 22 May 2021 20:07:00 +0000

In this episode and the next one, I describe 8 signs of a circular conversation with a covert narcissist.

No one has the right to treat you this way! No one has the right to talk to you this way! You will never get them to understand, but you do have the power to walk away!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert Narcissists Seem so Genuine

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Wed, 19 May 2021 16:31:00 +0000

They are more in love with the idea of being a good husband/wife than actually doing what it takes to be that. This applies to many aspects of their lives.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Why is it So Hard to Explain Covert Narcissistic Abuse to Someone?

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Mon, 17 May 2021 15:46:00 +0000

In a non-toxic relationship, these are small issues that disappear after reconciliation. In a toxic relationship, they never disappear. They pile on top of each other for years and decades.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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A Thousand Bee Stings

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Sun, 16 May 2021 17:11:00 +0000

One single example from your relationship can seem so petty and trivial. If it was a single event, it would be. But it's not. When you add all the stings together, you find yourself in an extreme amount of pain and anguish. Trying to explain it to someone is completely overwhelming.

Here are a few personal examples from my 21 year marriage with a covert narcissist.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert Narcissism and Hyper-Sensitivity

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Wed, 12 May 2021 19:50:00 +0000

Covert narcissism is narcissism from a unique angle. The internal characteristics are the same as an overt narcissist, but it plays out differently.

Narcissism is not defined in the DSM as the loud and boisterous life of the party. It does not list traits of hitting, cheating, and yelling.

Rather, NPD is defined as having a grandiose sense of self-importance, requiring excessive admiration, believing that they are special, having a lack of empathy, jealous of others, and arrogant. These traits and others are present in both overt and covert narcissists. How they show up differs. In this podcast, we explore these differences in order to raise awareness of covert narcissism.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Welcome to The Covert Narcissism Podcast

renee@covertnarcissism.com (Renee Swanson) — Mon, 10 May 2021 15:55:00 +0000

This podcast is dedicated to those who are living the nightmare of covert narcissistic abuse. I share my story of a 21 year marriage with a covert narcissist. We will explore what covert narcissism is and how it differs from overt narcissism. I will discuss the deep scars and effects of the abuse and how to turn it into healing. I will include episodes on helping your children for those that are co-parenting with a covert narcissist.

In this first episode, I describe how my eyes were opened to what was really going on. How I discovered that I was not crazy and that I was not alone. I introduce differences between overt and covert narcissism, which we will discuss in great detail in the coming episodes.

If you are living this nightmare....first I want to say I am sorry. I hate it for anyone who is going through this! Next, I want to say, that there is life outside of narcissism!! You can have healing and peace. You are stronger than you know. If I can do it, so can you!! You do not have to go through this alone though! There is help to be found!

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/covertnarcissism/support

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.