Anxiety I’m So Done with You!

The Anxiety Cure - Last Episode and Summary

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Wed, 18 Dec 2024 20:03:18 +0000

This is the last episode of Anxiety, I'm So Done with You! In it, I summarize all of the wisdom on anxiety that will be found in these podcast episodes, and cover why you think anxiety is not curable, and prove that it is. I will then share my five steps to the Anxiety Cure. Lastly, I invite you to my newly branded show, Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice.

Episode Summary

In this last episode, I explain the four reasons people keep anxious over a long time and how to circumnavigate them. I chat about what is happening biologically and the two actions you need to take to stop anxiety in its tracks. Then, I explain the five steps to curing it, encouraging you to start this podcast from the beginning and go all the way through it. It is gold if you want release anxiety and finally, feel better.

Listeners who experience anxiety, are interested in mental health, or enjoy exploring psychological phenomena will find this episode both engaging and relatable.

Key Takeaways

Anxiety is curable. Period.
The reasons you think anxiety is not curable
Anxiety and depression come out of the context of our lives
Understanding what anxiety is is everything
There are doable steps to stop it.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

New show ASk Dr. Jodi - Mental Health & Relationship Advice https://jodiaman.com/live
Anxiety-Free Me online course https://compass.jodiaman.com/product/anxiety-free-me/
Anxiety-Free Kids online course https://compass.jodiaman.com/product/anxiety-free-kids/
Find Your Diamond Confidence online course for teens https://compass.jodiaman.com/product/diamond-confidence-for-teens/
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJodi
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety, I'm So Done with You! Book

Thank you so much for listening to

Anxiety, I'm So Done with YOU! This is the last episode, Find me here now: https://jodiaman.com/live

! If you enjoyed today’s episode, please take a moment to leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts and share it with someone who needs inspiration or help to heal!

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

Jodi Aman is a social work doctor with 28 years of experience in clinical practice. She helps clients heal from trauma, understand the world, and reclaim self-confidence. She created C.O.M.P.A.S.S., an emotional wellness curriculum for middle and high school health classes designed to mitigate symptoms of anxiety and depression.

You can find her live-streamed talk show on her YouTube channel @doctorjodi, where she discusses topics unique to Generation Z. Also, watch her TEDx Wilmington talk, "Calm Anxious Kids," and read her award-winning book, Anxiety… I'm So Done with You! to learn how to understand and reverse the current mental health crisis. More about Jodi

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

We hope to ease the minds of “the anxious generation.” To do that, this show will guide emerging adults, their parents, and helpers, galvanizing them to release toxic stress, achieve emotional wellness, and hardwire their brains for a happy and meaningful life.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

Tune in live every Monday at 8 PM E on @doctorjodi or binge the recordings. We’ll have relieving conversations, exciting guests, and inspirational stories that will show you how to get rid of worry, recover your energetic bandwidth, and grok a socially conscious life of overflowing joy.

Wicked: Lessons About Friendship & Belonging

jodi@jodiaman.com (Dr Jodi Aman, Lily) — Tue, 3 Dec 2024 10:30:00 +0000

Hey there, I’m Dr. Jodi, and welcome back to Anxiety, I’m So Done With You! Today, we’re diving into the magical world of Wicked with my daughter, Lily. Together, we explore the film’s universal themes of friendship, bravery, and belonging, examining how they resonate with our deepest emotional needs. Join us as we break down the lessons this beloved story offers and reflect on its complex characters and their transformations.

Episode Summary
In this heartfelt episode, Dr. Jodi and Lily discuss their reactions to Wicked and the powerful themes woven into its story. They explore how friendship and belonging shape human experience, why bravery is essential for personal growth, and how art can reflect the complexities of our inner lives. From Elphaba’s defiance to Glinda’s conflicted bravery, they unpack the layers of this extraordinary tale and its inspiring message of empowerment and connection.

Listeners passionate about musicals, mental health, and stories that challenge societal norms will love this deep dive into Wicked’s magical world.

Key Takeaways

The Power of Friendship: True friendship uplifts, inspires bravery, and provides the sense of belonging we all need.
Belonging and Mental Health: Feeling connected to others is vital for emotional wellness and can combat anxiety and depression.
Empowerment Through Storytelling: Art, like Wicked, offers a safe space to process emotions, reflect on societal issues, and find personal meaning.
Bravery and Growth: Facing fears and stepping outside comfort zones can lead to transformation and empowerment.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/the-wicked-movie/
Lily’s Instagram: @c.lily_aman and TikTok: @c.lilyaman
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJodi
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards: jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity: jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety, I’m So Done with You! Book: https://amzn.to/2zudoHZ

Thank you so much for listening to Anxiety, I’m So Done With You! If you enjoyed today’s episode, please take a moment to leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts and share it with someone who needs inspiration or help to heal!

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

How Practicing Gratitude Heals Trauma

jodi@jodiaman.com (Dr Jodi Aman) — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 10:30:00 +0000

Hi, I’m Dr. Jodi Aman, and welcome to another episode of Anxiety, I’m So Done With You!
Today, we’re diving into the transformative power of gratitude, especially as a tool to heal trauma and cultivate emotional resilience. While trauma leaves its mark on everyone differently, gratitude practices can empower you to reclaim control over your attention and emotional energy. Let’s explore how gratitude can change your brain, improve relationships, and build a more joyful life.

Episode Summary

In this episode, Dr. Jodi unpacks how gratitude can help heal trauma by refocusing attention away from pain and self-judgment toward joy and connection. She explains the biological effects of gratitude on the brain, from reducing adrenaline to activating the GABA hormone, which promotes calmness. Dr. Jodi also outlines the difference between big T and small t trauma, reminding listeners to approach others with compassion while setting healthy boundaries.

Practical exercises include writing three things you’re grateful for each day and three accomplishments you’ve achieved. These practices amplify neuroplasticity, making positive thought pathways easier to access. Dr. Jodi also shares how gratitude can transform relationships, improve communication, and even reframe negative self-perceptions.

This episode highlights the value of fostering a gratitude habit, not as a quick fix, but as a powerful support in a broader healing journey.

Key Takeaways

Gratitude redirects attention: Shift focus from unsolvable problems to moments of joy, which reduces anxiety and promotes healing.
Daily gratitude practice: Write three things you’re grateful for and three personal achievements to build a stronger sense of self-worth.
Trauma is curable: Healing involves processing emotions and creating new brain pathways to overcome past experiences.
Model gratitude: Acknowledge others’ unique qualities with specific examples to deepen relationships and foster positivity.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/practicing-gratitude
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJodi
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety, I'm So Done with You! Book

Thank you so much for listening to Anxiety, I'm So Done With You! If you enjoyed today’s episode, please take a moment to leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts and share it with someone who needs inspiration or help to heal!

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

Dealing With Toxic Family Members

jodi@jodiaman.com (Dr. Jodi Aman, Kim) — Tue, 19 Nov 2024 10:30:00 +0000

Hey, I’m Dr. Jodi Aman, and welcome to another episode of Anxiety, I’m So Done With You! As we head into the holiday season, I know many of you are thinking about how to handle tricky family situations. Today, we’re talking about how to deal with challenging family dynamics, set boundaries that actually work, and protect your peace. Stick around because we’ve got practical tips, insights, and a powerful live coaching session with Kim that you won’t want to miss!

Episode Summary
In this episode, we dig into the root causes of toxic family behaviours, I dig deeper, examining how unresolved trauma and fear can drive the actions that hurt us the most. You’ll hear from Kim, who opens up about growing up as the scapegoat in a family dynamic shaped by narcissism. Together, we explore how these patterns affected her relationship with her sister and the steps she’s taking to heal.

I share five trauma-informed strategies to help you stay grounded, manage pushback, and create emotional safety during difficult interactions. You’ll also learn how to shift your mindset, manage expectations, and reclaim your sense of self-worth—because you’re not defined by how others treat you.

This episode is packed with practical advice and heartfelt encouragement to help you navigate these relationships with clarity and compassion.

Key Takeaways

It’s Not You; It’s Them: Toxic behaviors often reflect fear or insecurity in others, not your worth.
Set Boundaries That Stick: Boundaries don’t rely on others’ compliance—they’re about what you will or won’t allow.
Compassion-First: Validate your feelings without absorbing the negativity directed at you.
Ground Yourself: Prepare for interactions with techniques that keep you steady and calm.
Know When to Let Go: Choose how much energy and access you give to challenging relationships.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/toxic-family-dynamics/
Grounding Techniques Video: https://jodiaman.com/blog/grounding-techniques/
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJodi
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety, I'm So Done with You! Book

Thank you for listening to Anxiety, I'm So Done With You! If you enjoyed today’s episode, please take a moment to leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts and share it with someone who needs inspiration or help to heal!

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

The Catharsis of Scary Movies

jodi@jodiaman.com (Dr Jodi Aman, Lily) — Tue, 12 Nov 2024 10:30:00 +0000

Hey there, I'm Dr. Jodi Aman, and welcome back to Anxiety, I’m So Done With You! Today, we’re exploring why so many people are drawn to horror movies—and whether watching them can actually be a therapeutic release. I’ll be joined by my daughter, Lily, as we dive into the psychology of scary films, catharsis, and why some of us find comfort in the thrill of fear while others don’t.

Episode Summary

In this intriguing episode, Dr. Jodi Aman and her daughter, Lily, examine the allure and psychology behind horror movies. Together, they discuss how horror can serve as a form of catharsis, offering a release from stress and anxiety, particularly for those who process trauma or enjoy a good scare. With references to Aristotle's concept of catharsis and Lily’s personal insights, they delve into why some people are drawn to scary films while others avoid them. The episode also unpacks the role empathy plays in our responses to horror, the healing benefits of shared emotional experiences, and how art—whether a scary movie or a Greek tragedy—can mirror our deepest emotions.

Listeners who experience anxiety, are interested in mental health, or enjoy exploring psychological phenomena will find this episode both engaging and relatable.

Key Takeaways

Catharsis Through Horror: Watching horror movies can provide a safe space to experience fear, helping some people release anxiety and process trauma in a controlled environment.
Empathy and Fear Responses: People with high empathy may experience intense reactions to horror, while others view these films as fiction, affecting their level of emotional engagement.
Art as Therapy: Storytelling and drama, whether through a film or theater, can help individuals process emotions, connect with others, and find meaning in their experiences.
Importance of Shared Experiences: Watching movies, especially horror, with others can create bonds, increase empathy, and provide a shared emotional outlet.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: hhttps://jodiaman.com/blog/how-horror-movies-help-heal/
Lily's Instagram @c.lily_aman and TikTok @c.lilyaman
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJodi
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety, I'm So Done with You! Book

Thank you so much for listening to Anxiety, I'm So Done With You! If you enjoyed today’s episode, please take a moment to leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts and share it with someone who needs inspiration or help to heal!

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

Strength Training for Teens, the Secret to Health & Confidence

jodi@jodiaman.com (Dr Jodi Aman, Tiffany Ragozzino) — Tue, 5 Nov 2024 10:30:00 +0000

Hi, I’m Dr. Jodi Aman, and welcome to Anxiety, I'm So Done With You! If you’re curious about the benefits of strength training for teens or want to know how to make exercise a family-friendly, holistic practice, you’re in for a treat. Today, I'm thrilled to chat with Tiffany Ragozzino of Pretty Little Lifters about the mental, emotional, and physical advantages of weightlifting and how to help young people develop a positive relationship with exercise. Let’s dive in and learn how to inspire confidence and strength in today’s youth!

Episode Summary:

In this inspiring episode, Dr. Jodi sits down with Tiffany Ragozzino, founder of Pretty Little Lifters and a seasoned P.E. and health teacher. Together, they explore how strength training can transform teenagers' physical health and mental well-being. Tiffany shares how weightlifting can increase confidence, promote mental focus, and help teens learn to overcome challenges. She emphasizes the importance of teaching kids to celebrate their strength, rather than focusing on aesthetics, and encourages a balanced approach to exercise that includes strength, endurance, power, and flexibility.

The discussion also covers how to start strength training safely, the key differences between muscular strength and endurance, and the holistic benefits of exercise for teenagers who are often glued to screens. With practical advice for parents, teachers, and teens, this episode will empower you to make movement fun and impactful. Tiffany even shares tips on recognizing overtraining and how to ensure exercise remains a healthy habit.

Whether you’re looking for guidance on creating a fitness routine or want to understand how movement affects the body and mind, this episode is packed with actionable insights!

Key Takeaways:

Holistic Benefits of Exercise: Strength training boosts confidence, reduces anxiety, and teaches teens how to push past limitations.
Start Simple: Keep exercises basic and gradually increase intensity. Focus on form and progressive overload for best results.
Balance is Key: Combine strength training with cardio, power movements, and flexibility to promote overall well-being.
Mindful Motivation: Shift the focus from appearance to health and strength to make fitness sustainable.
Watch for Overtraining: Be mindful of signs of over-exercising and incorporate rest days for recovery and optimal performance.

Resources Mentioned & Links:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/strength-training-for-teens/
Tiffany Ragozzino’s Platforms: Pretty Little Lifters on Instagram, YouTube, and podcast channels
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJod
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety, I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

Tips to stay Happy during Dark Months

jodi@jodiaman.com (Dr Jodi Aman, Julia Leahy) — Tue, 29 Oct 2024 09:30:00 +0000

Dr. Jodi Aman is joined by comedian Julia Leahy from @morepestoplease on YT and TikTok to discuss how to beat the winter blues, especially for those facing colder months in the city. The two discuss the struggles of staying motivated when days get shorter and colder and explore practical tips for keeping spirits high—like creating cozy spaces, sticking to routines, and finding joy in social connections and indoor activities. From maintaining a positive mindset to bundling up and taking walks, Jodi and Julia share relatable insights to help you thrive through winter.

Episode Summary:

In this episode, Dr. Jodi and Julia Leahy discuss the common feelings of isolation and decreased motivation many face during winter. They cover how colder weather, shorter days, and city life in places like New York can amplify the winter blues. Julia shares her experiences as a content creator and offers light-hearted tips like building cozy, inviting spaces and the joys of crafting and decorating. The two explore ways to counteract winter struggles, such as keeping routines, joining exercise classes, and nurturing social connections, even through small outings or coffee breaks. Dr. Jodi highlights the benefits of maintaining a supportive environment, practicing self-compassion, and using creativity as a tool to feel empowered rather than overwhelmed. From managing daily routines to staying mentally energized, this episode is packed with relatable advice on managing seasonal challenges.

Key Takeaways from this Episode:

Create a Winter Routine: Stick to a daily schedule that includes a walk, a warm-up ritual, or a consistent exercise class to help your body and mind adjust to the colder season.
Build a Cozy Sanctuary: Make your space inviting with warm lighting, frequent tidying, and small comforts like soft blankets or scented candles.
Engage in Social Activities: Combat isolation by joining classes or spending time with friends, even if it’s a small coffee shop outing.
Stay Active in Crafting or Learning: Take up hobbies like crafting, reading, or even a part-time gig to keep your mind engaged and spirits lifted.
Bundle Up and Go Outside: Embrace the cold by dressing warmly. Taking a short walk outside, even during chilly days, can energize your body and mind.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/beating-winter-blues/
Julia’s videos and podcast "More Pesto Please" ✬ Spotify ✬ YouTube ✬ TikTok ✬
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJodi
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety, I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

Understanding Avoidant Attachment and its Impact on Relationships

jodi@jodiaman.com (Dr Jodi Aman, Sue, Amy) — Tue, 22 Oct 2024 09:30:00 +0000

Hi, I’m Dr. Jodi Aman, and welcome to another episode of Anxiety, I’m So Done with You! Today, we’re tackling a topic that affects many of us in our relationships: avoidant attachment. You may have heard about attachment styles before, but we're diving deeper into what it means to have avoidant behaviors, why they develop, and how they impact our ability to connect with others. I’m excited to share insights, real-life stories, and practical tips to help you navigate these challenges, so let’s get started!

Episode Summary:

In this episode, Dr. Jodi Aman explores the concept of avoidant attachment, a behavior pattern where individuals withdraw from intimacy and closeness in relationships. She begins by explaining the roots of avoidant attachment, emphasizing that it often stems from past trauma and a deep-seated fear of vulnerability. Dr. Jodi discusses how avoidant behaviors can manifest, such as distancing, shutting down during conflicts, or avoiding emotional conversations, and she emphasizes the importance of understanding these behaviors as a coping mechanism rather than a flaw.

Throughout the episode, Dr. Jodi shares practical advice on how to recognize avoidant tendencies, both in yourself and your partners, and offers strategies to address them. She highlights the need for open communication, empathy, and setting clear boundaries to create healthier relationships. Additionally, the episode features live coaching segments where Dr. Jodi provides insights to guests navigating relationships with avoidant partners, offering listeners real-world examples of how to manage these dynamics.

Key Takeaways:

Avoidant Attachment is a Coping Mechanism: Avoidant behaviors often stem from past trauma or fears of vulnerability. Recognizing this can help in responding with empathy and understanding.
Clear Communication and Boundaries are Essential: Setting clear expectations and boundaries can help both partners feel secure, reducing the need for avoidance.
Encouraging Open Dialogue: Gently inviting your partner to share their feelings without pressure can build trust and encourage more openness.
Prioritize Self-Worth: Maintaining a sense of self-worth and not sacrificing your needs to accommodate avoidant behaviors is crucial.
Healing Requires Participation from Both Partners: Lasting change can only occur if both individuals are willing to work through their fears and address the underlying issues.

Resources Discussed in the Episode:

Join Dr. Jodi's Activate Online Therapy Group to gain access to guided discussions, support, and exclusive resources for empaths https://jodiaman.com/activate/
Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/understanding-avoidant-attachment/
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJodi
Setting Boundaries Blog Post: https://jodiaman.com/blog/setting-boundaries/
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety, I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

Coping with the Weight of the World on your Mind and Body

jodi@jodiaman.com (Dr Jodi Aman, Lily) — Tue, 15 Oct 2024 09:30:00 +0000

In this episode, Dr. Jodi Aman and her daughter, Lily, open up about the collective weight many of us feel from constant bad news and global turmoil. They explore how this emotional burden impacts mental health, especially for sensitive individuals. Drawing on personal stories, Jodi and Lily discuss the challenge of feeling powerless amidst climate change, natural disasters, and political upheaval. Lily shares her struggles as a member of Gen Z, feeling caught between wanting to make a difference and feeling too small to effect real change. Together, they offer a candid look at how humor, avoidance, and small acts of kindness can help navigate these difficult emotions.

Rather than leaving listeners stuck in the doom and gloom, Dr. Jodi highlights ways to cultivate hope and regain a sense of purpose. They also touch on the importance of self-care, building community, and finding productive ways to manage feelings of helplessness. Whether you’re grappling with guilt or unsure how to help, this episode offers an open, heartfelt conversation about finding hope amid overwhelming uncertainty.

Thank you so much for tuning in today! I hope you found some comfort and inspiration in our conversation. Remember, you’re not alone in feeling the weight of the world, but you are more adaptable and capable than you might realize. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review and share it with someone who might benefit from this message.

Key Takeaways:

Accept your emotional bandwidth – It’s okay to acknowledge that you can’t fix everything. Focus on what you can do in your own small corner of the world.
Self-compassion is crucial – Be kind to yourself when dealing with the heaviness of the world. It’s okay to take breaks and rest.
Humor as a coping tool – Laughing in the face of adversity isn’t about dismissing the seriousness of the situation but about giving yourself a mental break.
Community is powerful – Even small efforts to connect with others, whether by joining a club or supporting a friend, can ripple effect on emotional resilience.
Find hope in action – Doing something, even if it feels small, can alleviate feelings of helplessness. It all matters, anything you do, whether it’s picking up trash, donating, or simply being kind. to someone having a bad day.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/weight-of-the-world/
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJodi
My Anxiety Story: https://jodiaman.com/blog/anxiety-story/
Robert Putnam's video that is mentioned on social capital: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpBOgh2zxtE
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety, I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

Healing Your Trauma Faster with Dr. Schiffer's Dual Brain Psychology

jodi@jodiaman.com (Dr Jodi Aman, Dr Fredric Schiffer) — Tue, 8 Oct 2024 09:30:00 +0000

Hello and welcome back to Live with Dr. Jodi! I’m so excited about today’s episode because we’re diving into something truly life-changing. I’m joined by Dr. Fredric Schiffer, a psychiatrist, researcher, and assistant professor at Harvard Medical School, who’s here to share his revolutionary approach to healing trauma faster—through Dual Brain Psychology. If you’ve ever felt stuck in emotional pain or weighed down by trauma, you won’t want to miss this.

Episode Summary:

Dr. Schiffer shares practical tools you can use right away, like visual field stimulation and LED light therapy, which have been proven to reduce symptoms of PTSD, anxiety, and addiction. Whether you’ve experienced trauma in childhood, during military service, or through life’s challenges, this episode is packed with insights and techniques to help you heal faster and more deeply.

This episode is for anyone who wants to heal trauma faster and more effectively. Whether you’re currently in therapy, looking for new techniques, or simply interested in understanding how the brain works, you’ll find practical, actionable advice in this conversation. Listen in - you won’t want to miss this opportunity to learn how you can take control of your healing journey.

Key Takeaways from this Episode:

What is Dual Brain Psychology?: Dr. Schiffer’s unique approach is based on the idea that trauma often gets stuck in one hemisphere of the brain. By engaging both hemispheres, we can release emotional pain more effectively.
Visual Field Stimulation for Healing: Learn how covering part of your visual field can activate specific hemispheres of the brain, allowing you to process trauma in a more focused way.
Using LED Light Therapy: Dr. Schiffer explains how LED light can stimulate the healthier side of the brain, helping reduce symptoms of PTSD, anxiety, and depression. This non-invasive technique has produced incredible results in clinical trials.
Faster Trauma Recovery: Dr. Schiffer shares real-life examples of patients who have experienced dramatic improvements in their emotional well-being, including one patient whose depression score dropped from 34 to 4 after treatment.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/heal-trauma-via-dual-brain-psychology/
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJodi
Dr. Shiffer's website: https://dualbrainpsychology.com/.
Dr. Schiffer’s New Book: Goodbye Anxiety, Depression, Addiction & PTSD, the life-changing science of dual brain psychology.
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety, I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

Allow Yourself to Feel Without Judgment

jodi@jodiaman.com (Dr. Jodi Aman, Lily Aman) — Tue, 1 Oct 2024 09:30:00 +0000

Hello, and welcome back to Live with Dr. Jodi! In today's episode, we're diving into the powerful topic of allowing yourself to feel your emotions without judgment. So often, we're afraid to feel negative emotions like sadness or anxiety because they feel chaotic, but what if I told you that embracing those emotions could lead to peace? Stay with me as we explore how to navigate through emotional turmoil, practice self-compassion, and ultimately find emotional resilience. Whether you're joining me solo or with a loved one like my daughter, this episode is here to guide you.

Episode Summary:

In this episode, Dr. Jodi Aman explains why allowing yourself to feel your emotions without judgment is essential for emotional healing. Drawing on personal stories and psychological insights, Dr. Jodi delves into why we avoid feelings like sadness, anxiety, and grief and how this avoidance can worsen the emotional chaos. She shares a relatable story about her mother’s grief and how our culture tends to criticize emotional responses. The discussion is rich with practical advice, including a powerful exercise called “Two Minutes to Peace,” designed to help listeners sit with their emotions without attaching to the stories we tell ourselves. Dr. Jodi is later joined by her daughter Lily, who shares her own experiences with emotional healing, providing a comforting, real-life example of how difficult but rewarding it can be to practice self-compassion.

Key Takeaways from Episodes: Rest resets the dopamine cycle.

Avoiding feelings can lead to more emotional chaos. It's essential to allow yourself to feel.
Self-compassion is the antidote to negative self-judgment. Validate your emotions as part of being human.
The “Two Minutes to Peace” exercise helps you connect with your feelings without getting trapped in stories or judgments.
Visualizing and breathing through your feelings can offer relief, even in just 10 breaths.
Healing doesn't happen in isolation—compassion from others and yourself plays a vital role.

Resources mentioned in this show:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/breaking-bad-habits/
Self-compassion is the Key to Self-Acceptance
Embrace Compassion and Love for Yourself! Podcast Ep. 4:7
Practice Self-Compassion for Instant Emotional Relief
How to DO Self-Compassion
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJodi
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety, I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

Teaching Teens Decision Making Skills

jodi@jodiaman.com (Lori Reichel Phd, Dr Jodi Aman) — Wed, 25 Sep 2024 12:26:51 +0000

Hi everyone, Dr. Jodi Aman here, and welcome to this week's episode on teen decision-making! Joining me is Lori Reichel, PhD, an experienced health educator and professor at SUNY Cortland, who’s been empowering teens for over 30 years! Today, we’re exploring how teaching teens effective decision-making can enhance their emotional wellness, improve their relationships, and set them up for life success. So, grab a seat, and let’s dive in!

Key Takeaways from Episodes: Rest resets the dopamine cycle.

The Importance of Decision-Making: Teens make countless decisions daily, from simple choices like what to wear to more complex social interactions.
The Power Model: Lori introduces the POWER decision-making model that breaks down the process into actionable steps.
Learning from Mistakes: Encouraging teens to reflect on decisions and revise them fosters resilience and emotional growth.
Practice Makes Perfect: Allowing young people to make decisions early helps prepare them for the complexities of adulthood.
Impact on Emotional Wellness: Better decision-making skills can reduce anxiety and improve mental health.

Resources mentioned in this show:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/teens-decision-making/
Lori Reichel is a health education consultant and host of The School Health Educators Podcast and the Puberty Profs podcast.
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJodi
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety, I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

Understanding the Dopamine Cycle & How to Make It WORK for You!

jodi@jodiaman.com (Dr Jodi Aman) — Sun, 22 Sep 2024 23:40:29 +0000

Hi, I’m Dr. Jodi Aman, and welcome to Anxiety, I’m So Done With You! Today, we’re diving into the dopamine cycle, exploring how it affects our mood, motivation, and even our relationships. We’ll look at what dopamine is, why it’s so important to our well-being, and how we can reset and boost it naturally. If you’re feeling a bit stuck or unmotivated, this episode is for you—let’s get back to enjoying life!

Episode Summary

In this episode, Dr. Jodi discusses the science behind dopamine, the brain’s “feel-good” chemical, and its role in motivation, satisfaction, and joy. She explains how the dopamine cycle naturally fuels our desire for novelty and achievement, encouraging us to take on new challenges and maintain social connections. Dr. Jodi highlights how factors like routine, isolation, and screen addiction can disrupt this cycle, leaving us feeling unmotivated, isolated, and disconnected.

To help listeners reset their dopamine levels, Dr. Jodi shares practical strategies to reignite motivation, including engaging in creative activities, spending time in nature, and setting achievable goals. This episode also covers the importance of balancing routine with novelty and the need for occasional digital detoxes to maintain a healthy mind.

Key Takeaways

Understand the Role of Dopamine: Dopamine drives our desire for achievement and joy, motivating us to take on challenges and connect with others.
Balance Routine with Novelty: While routines make us feel secure, new experiences are essential for maintaining excitement and interest in life.
Break the Screen Cycle: Digital detoxes help reduce reliance on screens as a source of dopamine, allowing for more sustainable, fulfilling activities.
Engage in Physical and Creative Activities: Exercise, creativity, and being in nature naturally boost dopamine and enhance well-being.
Prioritize Social Connections: Interacting with others in person is key to breaking cycles of isolation and boosting mental health.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/breaking-bad-habits/
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJodi
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety, I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

Let Go of Perfectionism and Have the Best School Year Yet!

jodi@jodiaman.com (Dr Jodi Aman) — Sun, 22 Sep 2024 23:40:04 +0000

Hi, I’m Dr. Jodi Aman, and welcome to Anxiety, I’m So Done With You! Today, we’re going to tackle one of the biggest roadblocks to happiness and self-acceptance: perfectionism. I’ll be sharing insights on why perfectionism feels helpful but actually holds us back from joy and peace. We’ll explore ways to let go of these unrealistic standards and replace them with healthier, kinder expectations. Let’s dive into how you can free yourself from perfectionism and live a more fulfilling life!

Episode Summary

In this episode, Dr. Jodi discusses the traps of perfectionism and the toll it takes on mental health and overall happiness. While perfectionism may seem to keep us focused on success, it often leads to burnout, self-criticism, and a sense of never being “enough.” Dr. Jodi explains how perfectionism is rooted in a biological drive for social acceptance, making us feel that we need to meet impossible standards to belong.

She then provides actionable strategies for listeners to break free from this mindset. By redefining personal success, recognizing the downsides of perfectionism, and setting realistic goals, Dr. Jodi offers a roadmap to release anxiety and embrace a more balanced life. This episode is packed with practical advice to help you shed perfectionism’s weight and find joy in your achievements.

Key Takeaways

Recognize the Cost of Perfectionism: Understand that perfectionism isn’t helping you; it often keeps you from reaching your goals and enjoying life.
Redefine Success and Goals: Set realistic, intentional goals that encourage growth without the pressure of being “perfect.”
Celebrate Small Wins: Focusing on accomplishments, big or small, helps build confidence and keeps motivation high.
Externalize Perfectionism: Treat perfectionism like an external influence you can manage rather than an identity you’re stuck with.
Start Before You’re Ready: Avoid hesitation and get started, letting go of the need to be fully prepared.

Resources mentioned in this show:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/let-go-of-perfectionsim/
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJodi
How to Do Self-Compassion Article https://jodiaman.com/blog/self-compassion/
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety, I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

Inside Out 2: A Therapist's Reaction

jodi@jodiaman.com (Lily Aman, Dr Jodi Aman) — Sun, 22 Sep 2024 23:39:37 +0000

Hi, I’m Dr. Jodi Aman, and welcome to another episode of Anxiety, I’m So Done With You! Today, we’re diving into the powerful themes of Pixar's Inside Out 2 and exploring how our experiences, beliefs, and emotions shape our sense of self. I’m thrilled to have my daughter, Lily, joining me to share her insights and reflections. Together, we’ll break down the movie’s take on identity, belief systems, and self-acceptance. Let’s jump in!

Episode Summary

In this episode, Dr. Jodi and her daughter, Lily, discuss Pixar’s Inside Out 2 and the impactful ways it reflects our journey of self-discovery. They explore how experiences, emotions, and memories create beliefs that shape our identities. Dr. Jodi provides insights into how these beliefs can influence our mental health, self-perception, and personal growth, emphasizing the importance of developing a strong sense of self. Lily shares her reactions to key moments in the movie, sparking discussions on concepts like identity, resilience, and joy.

This heartfelt episode is both fun and reflective, as Dr. Jodi and Lily look at how self-understanding and emotional awareness can reduce anxiety and enhance well-being. They examine the importance of embracing all emotions and memories as part of a whole, multidimensional self.

Key Takeaways

Beliefs Shape Identity: Our experiences and memories contribute to beliefs that define our sense of self. By recognizing this, we can actively shape a more positive self-view.
Embrace All Emotions: Like the movie shows, emotions like sadness and fear have a place. Embracing all emotions makes our experience of joy even richer.
Generate Your Own Happiness: Happiness often requires deliberate effort and isn’t just “natural” for some. Building daily routines that include joy is empowering.
Challenge Negative Self-Beliefs: Question beliefs that undermine your self-worth. Changing how you interpret experiences can help create a healthier self-image.
Self-Acceptance is Key: Self-actualization is embracing the full spectrum of who you are, including imperfections and complex emotions.

Resources mentioned in this show:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/inside-out-2/
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJodi
Lily's Instagram @c.lily_aman and TikTok @c.lilyaman
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety, I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

Breaking Bad Habits Using a Growth Mindset

jodi@jodiaman.com (Jared, Joy, Dr Jodi Aman) — Sun, 22 Sep 2024 23:39:09 +0000

Hey everyone, it’s Dr. Jodi Aman! Welcome to another episode of Anxiety, I'm So Done With You! Today, we’re joined by Jared and his mom, Joy, to discuss the power of breaking bad habits with a growth mindset. This episode is packed with real-life insights and advice on letting go of patterns that no longer serve us and embracing positive, transformative routines. Let's get started!

Episode Summary

In this episode, we dive deep into the journey of overcoming bad habits with the help of a growth mindset. Joined by Jared, a 27-year-old in the transition to adulthood, and his mom, Joy, we explore how shifting our mindset from fixed to growth-oriented can break cycles of procrastination, self-doubt, and people-pleasing. We hear about Jared’s college experiences and the ways his study and social habits shaped his self-image, including how a major breakup pushed him to re-evaluate his purpose and direction.

Together, we reflect on how setbacks—whether social, academic, or personal—can be reframed to fuel positive change. This heartfelt conversation is full of actionable advice on developing gratitude, prioritizing healthy routines, and finding self-acceptance.

Key Takeaways

Embrace a Growth Mindset: Recognize that personal growth is possible; our habits don’t define us.
Build Routines for Positivity: Daily practices like gratitude and affirmations can reshape how we approach challenges.
Stay Open to Change: Reframe “mistakes” as learning opportunities that can strengthen resilience.
Trust the Process: Learning self-discipline and taking time to self-reflect are essential steps toward breaking bad habits.
Nurture Relationships: Meaningful connections can help us process struggles and reinforce positive growth.

Resources mentioned in this show:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/breaking-bad-habits/
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJodi
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety, I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

Analysis Paralysis: Prevent Overthinking from Sabotaging Your Decision-Making

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sun, 22 Sep 2024 23:38:38 +0000

Hi, I’m Dr. Jodi Aman, and welcome to another episode of Anxiety, I'm So Done With You! Today, we're tackling a big one—analysis paralysis. Does overthinking keep you from moving forward? You’re not alone. We’re diving into why so many of us get stuck, and, more importantly, how to break free and take action in ways that really make a difference. Let’s get started!

Episode Summary

In this episode, we discuss the ins and outs of analysis paralysis—the state of feeling paralyzed by overthinking and indecision. I break down how societal pressures, perfectionism, and self-doubt all fuel this cycle of inaction, especially for emerging adults. I explore how our brains are wired to prioritize survival over risks, which often means playing it safe rather than trying something new.

Then, I’ll take you through eight strategies to help ease the cycle of overthinking and empower you to take practical, meaningful steps forward, from setting clear goals to embracing imperfection. By the end of this episode, you’ll feel ready to tackle indecision head-on and start taking action on the things that matter to you.

Key Takeaways

Define Clear Goals: Break down your goals into smaller steps to overcome the overwhelm of indecision.
Limit Your Choices: Too many options can increase anxiety; narrow down to a few and commit.
Set Deadlines: A timeline reduces procrastination and makes goals more achievable.
Celebrate Small Wins: Recognize each small step forward to build confidence and motivation.
Embrace Imperfection: Perfectionism often leads to paralysis; allow yourself to make mistakes and keep going.

Resources mentioned in this show:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/analysis-paralysis/
Lily's Instagram @c.lily_aman and TikTok @c.lilyaman
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJod
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety, I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

How to Be Happy: 6 Priorities for a Robust Mind, body, and Soul

jodi@jodiaman.com (Dr Jodi Aman) — Sun, 22 Sep 2024 22:28:14 +0000

Hi, I’m Dr. Jodi Aman, and welcome to Anxiety, I'm So Done With You! If you’ve ever wondered how to truly feel happier and calmer, you’re in the right place. Today, I’ll be busting some common myths about happiness and guiding you through practical, daily habits that can transform your emotional well-being. Happiness isn’t something you’re born with or without; it’s a skill you can cultivate. So, let’s dive in and make joy a natural part of your life!

Episode Summary:

In this enlightening episode, Dr. Jodi tackles the concept of happiness, debunking the myth that some people are naturally happy while others are destined to struggle. Through her three decades of experience, Dr. Aman shares how happiness can be cultivated through intentional practices, even when life feels unfair or overwhelming.

Listeners will learn about the "Happiness Formula"—a simple yet effective method to let go of suffering and embrace joy. Dr. Jodi discusses the six (or seven!) priorities for a fulfilling life, including purpose, community, routine, novelty, movement, creativity, and the essential practice of celebrating your wins. With engaging stories, heartfelt advice, and actionable steps, this episode empowers listeners to create a daily routine that fosters happiness and resilience.

Whether you're dealing with depression, anxiety, or simply want to improve your outlook, Dr. Jodi provides the tools and motivation to get started on your journey to a happier life. Plus, she gives practical insights on letting go of negative experiences and explains why celebrating small victories can have a big impact on your mental health.

Key Takeaways:

Happiness is a Skill: It’s something you generate daily, not a trait you’re born with or without.
The Happiness Formula: Let go of what causes suffering, invite more joy into your life, and practice this consistently.
Six Essential Priorities: Integrate purpose, community, routine, novelty, movement, and creativity into your day to nourish your mind and body.
Celebrate Your Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements to maintain motivation and positivity.
Practical Techniques for Letting Go: Learn Dr. Jodi's unique three-step process for releasing negativity and feeling more at peace.

Resources mentioned in this show:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/be-happy/
Patterned Box Breathing video: https://jodiaman.com/blog/box-breathing/
Hand and Heart Somatic Experience: https://jodiaman.com/blog/somatic-experiencing/
Lily's Instagram @c.lily_aman and TikTok @c.lilyaman
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJod
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

Understanding the Youth Mental Health Crisis

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sun, 22 Sep 2024 21:50:38 +0000

Hi, I’m Dr. Jodi Aman, and welcome to Anxiety, I'm So Done With You! Today, we're tackling one of the most pressing issues of our time: the youth mental health crisis. We’ll explore how social media, constant screen time, and unrealistic societal expectations have shaken the confidence of young people. More importantly, I’m here to show you how we can reverse this trend by helping teens realize their power and potential. Together, we’ll dive deep into practical ways to support our youth in a world that feels increasingly overwhelming.

Episode Summary: In this thought-provoking episode, Dr. Jodi addresses the rising youth mental health crisis, highlighting how continuous exposure to screens and social media has impacted the self-worth and agency of young people. With over 28 years of experience as a psychotherapist, Dr. Aman explains why messages of powerlessness and unworthiness are so damaging, especially when they infiltrate our subconscious through constant marketing and trauma exposure.

She breaks down the neuroscience behind anxiety, emphasizing how our brains have evolved to respond to perceived threats and why this can feel magnified in today’s world. Through real-life examples, Dr. Jodi offers listeners a clear roadmap to help youth regain self-trust, overcome the culture of helplessness, and build resilience. This includes daily practices like gratitude journaling, celebrating accomplishments, and taking small but meaningful actions to counter feelings of inadequacy.

This episode is filled with hopeful insights and actionable strategies for parents, educators, and teens alike, ensuring that listeners walk away feeling empowered and inspired to make a difference.

Key Takeaways:

The Impact of Screen Time: Understand the link between constant media exposure and youth anxiety.
Recognizing Subconscious Messages: Identify how messages about powerlessness are deeply affecting young people.
Building Self-Trust: Simple practices to help teens rediscover their skills and strengths.
Taking Positive Action: How small, meaningful actions can empower youth and improve mental health.
Supportive Adult Roles: Ways parents and educators can affirm the capabilities of young people to foster resilience.

Resources mentioned in this show:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/youth-mental-health-crisis/
Lily's Instagram @c.lily_aman and TikTok @c.lilyaman
Five Things People with Anxiety want you to know.
Heartbreaking Triggers of Anxiety
Improve Your Mental Resilience
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJod
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety, I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

News Anxiety: Processing Triggering Current Events

jodi@jodiaman.com (Dr Jodi Aman) — Sat, 27 Jul 2024 09:53:40 +0000

You're listening to Anxiety, I'm So Done With You! Today, we’re diving into the timely and crucial topic of news anxiety. With constant exposure to distressing headlines and a 24/7 news cycle, it’s no wonder we’re all feeling on edge. But don't worry, we'll explore why your brain reacts this way and share practical, empowering strategies to reduce that overwhelming stress.

Episode Summary:

In this episode, Dr. Jodi Aman unpacks the concept of news anxiety, exploring how the human brain, designed over millions of years for survival, is ill-equipped to handle the relentless flood of negative news we face today. Dr. Jodi explains the psychological impact of fear-driven headlines, the fight-or-flight response, and why feeling helpless amplifies our anxiety.

Through this discussion, listeners will learn how our modern world contrasts with the past and why this creates such a strain on our mental health. Dr. Jodi provides compassionate insights to help listeners understand that feeling anxious isn’t a sign of weakness but a normal human reaction. The episode emphasizes reclaiming personal agency by taking actionable steps, limiting news consumption, and engaging in joyful, purpose-driven activities.

You'll also hear about effective coping techniques, like deep breathing exercises, physical movement, and how connecting with others can alleviate anxiety. Dr. Jodi draws from personal stories, real-life examples, and client experiences to inspire listeners to shift their mindset from helplessness to empowerment.

Key Takeaways:

Understand News Anxiety: Recognize that your fear response to distressing news is a normal, human reaction.
Take Control of Your Response: Focus on what you can control, such as how you engage with the world and the actions you take.
Limit and Mindfully Consume News: Stay informed, but avoid overexposure to repetitive and fear-driven media.
Physical and Mindful Techniques: Use grounding exercises like deep breathing or physical activity to release stress.
Engage in Purposeful Action: Help others in your community or take part in causes that matter to you—this builds resilience and combats feelings of helplessness.

Resources mentioned in this show:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/news-anxiety/
Anxiety-Free Me! Anxiety Recovery Program: https://jodiaman.com/anxiety-free /
Lily's Instagram @c.lily_aman and TikTok @c.lilyaman
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJod
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety, I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

Grounding Techniques to Calm Your Mind and Improve Your Performance

jodi@jodiaman.com (Lily Aman, Dr Jodi Aman) — Wed, 17 Jul 2024 15:41:30 +0000

Hi, I’m Dr. Jodi, and welcome to another episode of Anxiety, I’m So Done With You! In this podcast, we explore practical techniques to help emerging adults, parents, teachers, and counselors ease the stress of our anxious generation. Today, I'm joined by my daughter, Lily, to talk about grounding techniques that can help settle your nervous system and bring you back to the present moment. We’re diving into both familiar and creative ways to calm anxiety, with real-life examples and exercises to get you feeling centered.

Episode Summary:

In this episode, Dr. Jodi and Lily explore a range of grounding techniques designed to help you manage heightened emotions and anxiety. Grounding, as explained, is about reconnecting with the present moment when your mind feels scattered or overwhelmed. They discuss why grounding is so effective, using vivid metaphors like "rooting into the earth" to establish stability.

Dr. Jodi and Lily break down practical exercises such as mindful breathing patterns, sensory engagement (like the 5-4-3-2-1 technique), and movement activities like taking walks in nature. Lily shares her personal experiences, revealing how listening to music has grounded her before nerve-wracking events like auditions or social interactions. They even explore the idea of sensory kits for emergency grounding and the unique benefits of somatic exercises.

The conversation emphasizes that grounding doesn’t have to be complicated. Sometimes, it's about engaging in simple, enjoyable activities like taking a warm shower, eating a comforting snack, or listening to empowering music. This episode is filled with relatable stories, laughter, and actionable insights.

Key Takeaways:

Grounding Techniques Explained: Discover why grounding helps manage stress and simple ways to do it.
Sensory Engagement: Use your senses to connect with the present moment through exercises like the 5-4-3-2-1 method.
Mindful Breathing: Try patterns like "in for five, hold for five, out for five," to bring focus and calm.
Music as a Tool: Listening to music intentionally can influence your mood and give you confidence.
Movement Matters: Walking in nature, exercising, or gentle somatic practices can ground your energy effectively.

Resources mentioned in this show:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/grounding-techniques/
Patterned Box Breathing video: https://jodiaman.com/blog/box-breathing/
Hand and Heart Somatic Experience: https://jodiaman.com/blog/somatic-experiencing/
Lily's Instagram @c.lily_aman and TikTok @c.lilyaman
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJod
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

Act the Way you Want to Feel

jodi@jodiaman.com (Dr Jodi Aman) — Fri, 12 Jul 2024 19:28:48 +0000

Hi everyone, welcome to Anxiety, I’m So Done With You! I’m Dr. Jodi, your guide on this journey to empower and heal the anxious generation. Whether you're a teen, parent, or educator, I’m thrilled to have you join me. Tonight’s topic is crucial: "Act the Way You Want to Feel." There’s a lot of confusion around this idea, and I’m here to break it down. We’ll explore why this advice often feels invalidating and how to use actionable steps to shift your energy and mindset for real, lasting change. Let’s get into it!

Episode Summary:

In this episode, Dr. Jodi unpacks the concept of "Act the Way You Want to Feel," a common piece of advice that can feel dismissive when you’re struggling emotionally. She emphasizes that emotional turmoil, like anxiety or sadness, is a natural human response to our environment and validates the pain that comes with it. Dr. Jodi explains how taking compassionate action is key—not just faking happiness but understanding the science behind how actions influence emotions.

Through relatable stories, research findings, and practical examples, Dr. Jodi explores how to use physical posture, smiling, and even visualization to shift your emotional state. She also shares a three-step process to help you when you’re feeling overwhelmed: compassion for yourself, stepping back for perspective, and deciding on meaningful action. By understanding the mechanics of how feelings and thoughts work together, you'll gain new tools to override negative emotions and transform your mental landscape.

Key Takeaways:

Validate Your Feelings First: Compassion for yourself reduces emotional attachment and helps you move through negative feelings.
Three-Step Process: Start with self-compassion, take a step back for perspective, and then decide on an empowering action.
Actions Influence Feelings: Even simple actions, like smiling or changing your posture, can biologically shift your mood and reduce stress.
Replace Negative Thoughts: Instead of trying to suppress worries, actively engage your mind with something positive or constructive.
Motivation Follows Action: Don’t wait to feel motivated; taking action first often leads to a positive emotional shift.

Resources mentioned in this show:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/want-to-feel/
Lily's Instagram @c.lily_aman and TikTok @c.lilyaman
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJod
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

Setting Awesome Personal Boundaries in Your Relationships

jodi@jodiaman.com (Dr Jodi Aman) — Tue, 2 Jul 2024 12:00:00 +0000

Hey everyone, welcome to Anxiety, I’m So Done With You! I’m Dr. Jodi, and I’m excited to have you here with me. Tonight, we're diving into a topic that’s essential for maintaining our well-being: setting awesome personal boundaries. As a psychotherapist for over 28 years, I've seen firsthand how crucial it is to establish boundaries for our relationships, schedules, and even with ourselves. Whether you’re a teen, a parent, an educator, or simply someone navigating this overwhelming world, today’s episode will equip you with the tools you need to feel safer, more respected, and empowered. So grab a pen and paper because I’m giving you all the details you need to create positive boundaries that transform your life!

Episode Summary:

In this empowering episode, Dr. Jodi dives deep into the art and science of setting personal boundaries. She breaks down the importance of boundaries for emotional safety, respect, and a sense of belonging, and explains why they are vital for managing anxiety and stress. You’ll learn about the five different types of boundaries: physical, time, conversational, relationship, and personal. Dr. Jodi provides practical guidance on how to determine your boundary needs and gives examples of how to implement them in various contexts.

The episode also covers the tricky territory of dealing with people who don’t respect your boundaries, including tips for energetically and physically distancing yourself from toxic behaviors. Dr. Jodi introduces powerful visualizations to help protect your energy and offers heartfelt advice for those who struggle with people-pleasing. Throughout the episode, you’ll get answers to listener questions and discover actionable insights that will inspire you to feel more in control and less overwhelmed in your relationships and life.

Key Takeaways:

Why Boundaries Matter: Boundaries create emotional safety, personal space, and mutual respect in relationships, which are essential for well-being.
Five Types of Boundaries: Understand physical, time, conversational, relationship, and personal boundaries, and when to apply each.
Practical Implementation: Learn specific strategies for setting and maintaining boundaries, including visualization exercises for energetic protection.
Dealing with Boundary Violations: Discover how to respond effectively when people overstep your boundaries, and understand when it’s time to set unbreakable limits.
The Connection to Self-Worth: Your sense of worth is at the core of boundary-setting. Respecting your own needs is crucial for mental and emotional health.

Resources mentioned in this show:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog and get the free download "Setting Awesome Personal Boundaries" worksheet: https://jodiaman.com/blog/setting-boundaries/
Lily's Instagram @c.lily_aman and TikTok @c.lilyaman
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJod
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

What to Say When You Talk to Yourself

jodi@jodiaman.com (Dr Jodi Aman) — Tue, 25 Jun 2024 12:00:00 +0000

Hi everyone, welcome to Anxiety, I’m So Done With You! I’m your host, Dr. Jodi, and I’m so glad you’re here today. We’re talking about something crucial: self-talk and the power of self-compassion. In our Western, individualistic culture, there’s a pandemic of self-criticism that leads to stress, anxiety, depression, poor relationships, and even analysis paralysis. I’ll break down why we judge ourselves so harshly and teach you life-changing techniques to stop self-criticism in its tracks. Let's get started!

Episode Summary:

In this episode, Dr. Jodi addresses the widespread issue of negative self-talk and how it impacts emotional well-being. She explains how our culture’s unrealistic standards feed into a cycle of self-judgment, causing stress and anxiety that feels impossible to escape. With stories and examples, Dr. Jodi demonstrates how self-criticism creates layers of unnecessary emotional turmoil.

Dr. Jodi introduces the concept of the “monkey mind” and explains how self-criticism is biologically rooted in our need for survival and acceptance. She shares inspiring stories about her clients and her own experiences, revealing practical methods to reframe negative self-talk and replace it with self-compassion. The episode also features a sneak peek at her new Redirect card deck, designed to help you transform negative thoughts into empowering ones.

Throughout the episode, Dr. Jodi emphasizes that healing is possible and that our brains are not broken. Instead, they’re responding normally to a chaotic world. By the end, you’ll learn how to embrace self-compassion and start releasing the toxic stress that keeps you stuck.

Key Takeaways:

Understand the Monkey Mind: Your brain has evolved to protect you, but its habit of finding problems can work against you.
Self-Compassion as a Solution: Replacing self-criticism with understanding and compassion can decrease anxiety and improve overall well-being.
Reframe Negative Thoughts: Using Dr. Jodi’s practical techniques, learn how to identify and reframe self-critical thoughts into supportive ones.
Healing Is Possible: Emotional struggles are not a sign of brokenness; they are natural human responses that can be managed and healed.
Practical Tools for Change: Discover Dr. Jodi’s new Redirect flashcards to transform negative thinking patterns.

Resources Mentioned & Links:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/what-to-say/
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJodi
Lily's Instagram @c.lily_aman and TikTok @c.lilyaman
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

How to Write Songs: An Interview with Singer/Songwriter, Frances Lovett

jodi@jodiaman.com (Dr Jodi Aman, Frances Lovett) — Tue, 18 Jun 2024 21:43:37 +0000

Welcome to Anxiety, I’m So Done With You! I’m your host, Dr. Jodi, and I’m thrilled to be here with you today. I’m excited to introduce a special guest today: Frances Lovett, a talented singer-songwriter who is just finishing up her junior year in high school. We’ll dive into her inspiring journey of writing and performing music, discuss the impact of vulnerability, and even get to hear a live performance. So stay tuned for an uplifting and empowering conversation!

Episode Summary:

In this heartwarming and insightful episode, Dr. Jodi sits down with Frances Lovett, a young and accomplished singer-songwriter from Brighton, Rochester, NY. Frances opens up about her passion for music, having learned her first instrument at the age of six and now mastering multiple, including the bassoon and guitar. Together, they explore the power of vulnerability in songwriting and how expressing emotions through music can be a healing experience.

Frances shares how she writes songs in unexpected moments, like driving or in class, and explains her meticulous process of crafting lyrics that resonate deeply. They discuss the struggles of perfectionism, balancing academics and creative pursuits, and the challenges of performing deeply personal songs. In a touching moment, Frances performs her original song, highlighting her raw and relatable storytelling. Dr. Jodi and Frances also talk about the therapeutic aspects of music, its ability to save lives, and the shared human experiences that connect us all.

Key Takeaways:

Embrace Vulnerability: True emotional healing often comes from being authentic and honest in your creative expression.
Music as Therapy: Songwriting and performing can serve as powerful outlets for processing and transforming emotions.
Trust Your Journey: Everyone’s path is unique, and embracing your passions can lead to unexpected and fulfilling experiences.
Supportive Criticism: Surround yourself with people who can give constructive feedback and help you grow in your craft.
Relatable Art Moves People: Creating from a place of authenticity can deeply resonate with audiences and build meaningful connections.

Resources Mentioned & Links:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/how-to-write-songs
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJodi
Follow Frances Lovett Music on Instagram: @franceslovettmusic and TikTok: @franceslovettmusic
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

What Your Dreams Mean: Interpreting Dreams and Stopping Nightmares

jodi@jodiaman.com (Lily Aman, Dr Jodi Aman) — Thu, 13 Jun 2024 09:56:49 +0000

Hey everyone, it’s Dr. Jodi, and welcome to Anxiety, I’m So Done With You! Tonight, I’m joined by my daughter, Lily, as we dive into the world of dreams and nightmares. We’re discussing everything from recurring nightmares to dream theories, and I’m sharing my therapist-tested strategies for resolving nightmares so they don’t disturb your peace. If you’ve ever wondered about the meaning behind your dreams or want to learn how to stop the ones you don’t want, this episode is for you!

Episode Summary:

In this episode, Dr. Jodi and her daughter, Lily, have a fascinating conversation about dreams, including why we dream and how to interpret them. They explore various dream theories, from emotional detoxing to Carl Jung's ideas about unresolved emotions. Dr. Jodi explains the biological processes that occur during sleep, emphasizing how our brains work to cleanse themselves and manage emotions. The discussion also touches on how to approach nightmares in a therapeutic way, with practical steps to resolve and reframe them.

Dr. Jodi shares powerful stories, including a nightmare she resolved using visualization, and how this method has successfully helped her clients eliminate recurring bad dreams. You’ll also hear about common dream themes, like falling teeth or snake encounters, and why they reflect our deeper sense of being out of control. Plus, they answer live questions, explore how lucid dreaming works, and offer tips on interpreting the emotional core of your dreams.

Key Takeaways:

Dreams Reflect Emotional Detox: Understand that dreams often act as a way for your brain to process unresolved emotions.
How to Stop Nightmares: Use visualization techniques to resolve and reframe nightmares until they lose their emotional power.
Lucid Dreaming Explained: Learn how to harness your awareness in dreams and use it to control the narrative.
Interpreting Dreams: Focus on where the strongest emotions lie in your dream to uncover its deeper meaning.
Recurring Themes: Teeth falling out and snakes are among the most common dream symbols and usually relate to feeling out of control.

Resources Mentioned & Links:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/dream-interpretation/
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJodi
Lily's Instagram @c.lily_aman and TikTok @c.lilyaman
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

The Pitfalls of Self-Diagnosis:TikTok Diagnoses

jodi@jodiaman.com (Dr Jodi Aman) — Mon, 10 Jun 2024 04:00:00 +0000

Hi everyone, it’s Dr. Jodi, and welcome to Anxiety, I’m So Done With You! Thanks for joining me for another episode. Tonight, we're diving into a topic that’s more relevant than ever: self-diagnosis. With so much medical and mental health information available online, diagnosing yourself can feel empowering—but it also comes with significant risks. Let’s explore what truly helps and what can hinder us on our journey to emotional well-being.

Episode Summary:

In this episode, Dr. Jodi unpacks the complexities of self-diagnosis in our digital world. While access to abundant information can be validating and liberating, there are also hidden dangers that can negatively impact mental health. Dr. Jodi shares her own childhood experiences with anxiety, describing how physical symptoms like nausea were linked to emotional struggles long before she had the language to understand them.

The discussion covers why our desire to “name the problem” can either empower us or become a trap that reinforces feelings of helplessness. Dr. Jodi highlights how labels like anxiety, ADHD, and OCD can limit healing when they become part of our identity. She explains why validating the person, not just the symptoms, is crucial for true recovery. You’ll also hear about the harmful impact of perfectionism and how understanding anxiety as a natural response to feeling out of control can help us regain our power.

Key Takeaways:

Pros and Cons of Self-Diagnosis: Explore the benefits, such as access to information and validation, alongside the risks of negative identity conclusions.
Words Carry Weight: Diagnoses are subjective and can shape how we view ourselves and our potential for healing.
Validation Matters: Focus on recognizing the hard work you put into coping and growing, rather than feeling defined by your struggles.
Understanding Anxiety: Anxiety is a natural response to feeling powerless; contextualizing it can help you take back control.
There Is Hope: Emotional struggles are not permanent. With the right tools and mindset, you can heal and thrive.

Resources Mentioned & Links:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/self-diagnosis
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJod
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

My Therapist Hot Takes: World Premier of Dr. Jodi's Livestream Talk Show

jodi@jodiaman.com (Lily Aman, Dr Jodi Aman) — Fri, 7 Jun 2024 12:06:26 +0000

Hi everyone, it’s Dr. Jodi Aman here, and welcome to Anxiety, I’m So Done With You! I’m thrilled to have you join us from wherever you’re tuning in. Tonight, we’re coming to you live from Rochester, New York, and I’m passing the mic to Lily, who will be interviewing me. We’ll explore my journey, the roots of my passion for helping people overcome anxiety, and some of the most transformative insights I’ve learned in my nearly three decades as a social worker. If you’re with us on Facebook or YouTube, drop us a comment, and our producer will share your questions!

Episode Summary:

In this premiere episode of Season 6, Lily dives deep into Dr. Jodi Aman’s story, unraveling her early experiences with anxiety and what inspired her to dedicate her life to emotional healing. Dr Jodi shares how her understanding of anxiety evolved, from learning about death as a five-year-old to becoming a passionate advocate for mental wellness. The conversation sheds light on why anxiety is not a mental illness but rather a natural response to contextual stressors and how our modern world exacerbates these feelings.

Dr Jodi also explains the biological underpinnings of anxiety, the role of adrenaline, and why our brains are hardwired for protection. Key moments include discussing how anxiety manifests differently in people and how it often isolates sufferers, making them feel misunderstood. They also touch on the power of language, the importance of interdependence, and Dr. Aman’s “hot takes” on common therapy myths.

Through her vivid storytelling and compassionate advice, listeners are guided to understand their struggles better, know they aren’t alone, and learn that healing is possible. Plus, there’s practical guidance on taking action to lessen anxiety’s grip.

Key Takeaways:

Anxiety isn’t a life sentence: Healing is possible, and emotional struggles don’t have to define your future.
The power of belief: Trusting in your capacity to get better is a game-changer for overcoming anxiety.
Action trumps stillness: Taking steps, even small ones, signals to your brain that you are safe, helping to reduce anxiety.
Language matters: The words we use shape our experience and can either perpetuate or alleviate suffering.
Humans are interdependent: Healthy connections are crucial for emotional well-being, and seeking help is a strength, not a weakness.

Resources mentioned in this show:

Watch the video of this episode at the blog: https://jodiaman.com/blog/therapist-hot-takes/
Lily's Instagram @c.lily_aman and TikTok @c.lilyaman
Dr. Jodi Aman’s YouTube Channel: @DoctorJod
Generation Z Mental Health Resource Guide: jodiaman.com/guide
Redirect Positive Mindset Cards jodiaman.com/order-redirect-flash-cards
EnCompass SEL Class Activity jodiaman.com/order-encompass-game
Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Book

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

The Teenage Brain: Understanding Anxiety and Depression in Teenagers, an Interview with Kasey Crist

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Mon, 20 Nov 2023 21:32:03 +0000

Welcome to this BONUS episode: The Teenage Brain with Kasey Crist, author of a book by the same name ‘The Teenage Brain: Understanding Anxiety and Depression in Teenagers'. https://amzn.to/47rmS1V

It's a guide for parents, counselors, and teenagers, and it is so jam-packed with resources that you will need to get yourself a copy.

Kasey Crist is a mental health professional who serves students in a high school setting. This is a different kind of interview. Instead, we both shared our understanding and interpretations of what is going on with our young people.

In this episode, Kasey and I discussed

🐇her new book, 'The Teenage Brain’

📱the trends that worry us

🎨 the main skills we think know will help them get through this crazy time in our culture.

Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

You can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Survival Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

A Teenage Brain Transcript:

Dr. Jodi: [00:00:00] Hey, this is Dr. Jodi from Anxiety... I'm So Done With You podcast. This podcast is a series that goes along with my book by the same name, 'Anxiety... I'm So Done With You'. It's a teen's guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. And that is what we're going to do. So this podcast goes section by section through the book giving more details and telling more stories. And even though we've completed an episode for every section of the book, this podcast is going to go on. I'll be interviewing teenagers, young adults, parents, and their helpers to give you more resources on your healing journey. In fact, we have a special episode for you today. I'm going to have a conversation with author and school therapist Kasey Crist. Kasey wrote 'The Teenage Brain: Understanding Anxiety and Depression in Teenagers'. It's a guide for parents, counselors, and teenagers, and it is so jam packed with resources that you are going to need to get yourself a copy. Hey, Kasey.

Kasey Crist: [00:01:07] Hi, Jodi.

Dr. Jodi: [00:01:09] First, congratulations on releasing this book. I know how big of an accomplishment that is, and I'm so happy for you.

Kasey Crist: [00:01:16] Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. It's been quite a journey.

Dr. Jodi: [00:01:20] Yeah, I bet, I bet. I know, I've been there. It's a topic, as you know, very dear and near to my heart. And I want you to go ahead and tell us a little bit about yourself and why you felt called to write a book on this topic.

Kasey Crist: [00:01:33] Sure. My background, I started out in early childhood, so I worked in the education system for many years, working in preschools, elementary schools, and I even owned my own child care center at one point. And one of the pivotal parts of the reason why I went into mental health, we had a lot of students, some that would require some mental health. They had some challenges or needed some behavioral health needs that they would often leave our program. And I was really curious about sort of the other side of that. And where did they go and what services did they get and what support did they need. And that really intrigued me enough to want to go back to school in the counseling psychology area, to really be part of that process. That was really interesting to me, and I'm so glad I did.

Dr. Jodi: [00:02:27] Yeah, yeah. Okay, so you're a therapist but located in a school. You've done that work.

Kasey Crist: [00:02:32] Yes, yes.

Dr. Jodi: [00:02:34] So help kids through their, whatever they're going through.

Kasey Crist: [00:02:37] Yes. Any mental health, behavioral challenges would work with students, hopefully their families or other supports that are outside of the school as well. I'm a big believer in that big cohort that really, you know, it takes a village to support that student, to get them to be successful in life and to navigate the challenges, especially in the times we live in now.

Dr. Jodi: [00:03:00] Yeah, I bet. I love that model, having mental health services in schools, that's a model that's kind of come around the last 10, 20 years. It's wonderful because they're there, you know, they spend the day there. There's more equity and equality when you have services like that in the school, because some kids don't have access, a lot of people don't have access. I did some of that work myself. Well, Kasey, there are so many topics that I want to bring up during our conversation. And I say conversation because this is less like an interview, of me interviewing you, and us talking because we do the same work. So this is very exciting for me because, you know, maybe we can have some topics that are we see similarly, maybe there's some topics we see a little differently, but we'd really be like unpacking this dire situation for young people. So let's first talk about why you see this problem increasing right now. Like do you think it's different than 10, 20 years ago? What do you think?

Kasey Crist: [00:04:03] Parts of it have always been there. I believe with social media and technology, the exposure to understanding that there's so many people who are teenagers, adolescents, even children who are struggling with this. I believe that teenagers that have cell phones and posting things, having access to social media, TikTok and all of that, that you can really see the wide scope of the need for services, how depression, anxiety is so prevalent. And I just think the access and understanding, I mean, you see famous people coming out and expressing that they may struggle with mental health, and maybe just a part of that is part of maybe other young people coming out and expressing that it's safe to say that they're struggling.

Dr. Jodi: [00:04:54] You're saying that with this new transparency that people are open about, they're more honest, instead of hiding their mental health issues, you feel like more people are now able to express it so we're seeing it more? That's part of it.

Kasey Crist: [00:05:10] Yes, I think it's it's kind of a double-edged sword because it's sort of the stigma around if I come out and say that I'm struggling with anxiety or depression or some other mental health crisis that exposes me, makes me vulnerable, and teenagers don't want to stand out. They don't want to, typically. But I think also it's generational because I believe teenagers, they see so much on social media and just throwing everything out there with not realizing the repercussions of what goes out there stays out there for eternity. And adults realize that if my child is posting things or, you know, on social media or even Facebook, it's out there, right? So and what does that mean? And what does that mean for our family? And what does that say about me as a parent? And so I think that it's a double-edged sword. I think the transparency is great, but sort of how do you capture that to be able to support that teenager once if they are saying that they need help?

Dr. Jodi: [00:06:18] You know, what I'm seeing that really worries me is that with this transparency and everybody, it's okay to be honest about your mental illness, there's also like a, you know, there's a sense that you're advocating for people with mental illness if you're saying this is what it is and there's a community and there's a relevance to it. So there's a couple problems. One is it creates like that you're relevant because you have this, but also it emphasizes a difference, because you're trying to say that, you know, don't make light of people with OCD because that's like diminishing people who really have a problem. So what they're doing instead of advocating is actually creating like an us versus them scenario on normalizing a lot of problems that really are pretty normal human reactions to our world. They're actually saying they're abnormal when they are not, they're regular human responses to our modern world. Trying to get control, feeling powerless, and having anxiety, that is a regular reaction to our world. And so when they're saying I have anxiety disorder and saying that I'm different, then they're actually believing that, you know, I mean, unfortunately, people like us, mental health professionals are actually supporting that narrative in a lot of ways. Some people have anxiety disorder and some people have regular worries, and it's entirely not helpful. What do you think?

Kasey Crist: [00:07:46] It's from my experience that when I meet with students or meet with teenagers, adolescents, even young adults, if they come forward and say that they have worries, and it's sort of understanding what those worries are and trying to navigate if it's a worry or is it anxiety and is it something that, you know, you can manage? And giving them skills on how to navigate that and manage it. But if it's something that doesn't go away, if it really interferes with your everyday life, that you cannot navigate and manage on your own, I think sometimes teenagers kind of test out, well, I think I have anxiety or I think I have this and really meeting them where they're at and whether that's a true narrative for them or that's just something that they heard on TikTok or saw someone talking about, I don't think you should ever just negate a statement that a teenager makes. I think that's where you pay attention.

Dr. Jodi: [00:08:50] Exactly. Yeah.

Kasey Crist: [00:08:51] Maybe not overreact, but really just be mindful of and pay attention to what they're saying.

Dr. Jodi: [00:08:59] Yeah I agree. You know, how they describe what they're experiencing is a description of their experience. And so I love that experience near a definition. And I always respond, you know, call it the same thing they've called it after that. So I totally agree with you. I guess the problem is, is like, how do we help them understand where that's coming from and if they can make a difference? Right? So if you say you it won't go away, like that, it hasn't gone away yet. But that doesn't mean it won't go away. Right? So you were even using that language - some people have worries and it's contextual. But I kind of, I might think a little bit differently, I'm not sure. Anxiety is always contextual in my mind. Depression is always contextual. And if we haven't gotten rid of it, it doesn't mean that we can't. It just means we haven't learned how yet, or we haven't figured out how yet, or we haven't understood where it's come from or something. Right? And without that hope that a difference can be made, you know, because most people believe they have these things and they just have to manage them and live with them forever, and then they keep them. And then people are like, I have this anxiety, but I got to get rid of it and I want to I'm going to do whatever I can to figure out how to get rid of it. They get rid of it. It's like that belief makes a huge difference.

Dr. Jodi: [00:10:23] And a lot of our culture and narratives are the narratives that it is something you have, and you either have to manage it, you know, if it doesn't go away, then it's, well, if it hasn't gone away yet, it's because maybe what they believe about it, how they think about anxiety, how they think about depression. And so that seems to be a really important thing for us, is to to spread that message is like, let's show them how to think about it so that they can get rid of it, you know. So yeah. So that's kind of been my message online.

Kasey Crist: [00:10:54] Yes. And working with younger children, I would often have them visualize like anxiety was like this monster in their belly or something as to not give it power because they need to figure out a way to kind of, you know, wrap that, they would give it a name and, you know, give them belly breathing when they were feeling anxious at school or, you know, at home or whatever scenario which really would spike their anxiety. And to really give the power back to them and to make them understand that this little ball of anxiety does not have control over them, and they have the control and they can decide what to do with it. You know, I really think that it's not that it's, with the worries - and I guess what I mean by that is like, you know, you have to take an exam in school and I think everyone gets a little bit of worry or anxiety around the exam, you want to do well. And I think that is good because your adrenaline's going and it makes you more aware and, you know, more focused. And I think a typical, if you have the skill set and understanding, then that would decrease. You take the exam, that anxiety and that worry goes away. But I think for some people they don't have the skills, I think that you mentioned, on how to mitigate that and how to learn how to work around the anxiety and the worry, I guess.

Dr. Jodi: [00:12:28] So they don't have the skills, but also there's an element of they don't believe even if they had the skill. So either they might have the skills, but they just don't believe they can and so they don't have access to them.

Kasey Crist: [00:12:38] Correct.

Dr. Jodi: [00:12:39] Or they don't have the skills, but they believe that they can and they look for the skills and do it. So there's, you know, there's an element of belief or the way they're thinking about their anxiety and that relationship. I love that you brought up personified anxiety because I am a narrative therapist. So, you know, I've been externalizing problems for a long time in using language to help somebody take, because anxiety is one kind of problem that just latches onto your identity. You have a whole chapter of identity as well on here, but, you know, our problems latch on. So it's like I am anxious, I am a problem, I am worthless, right? It becomes part of our very identity, which is a huge issue. And once we start talking about it as a separate entity, then we could change our relationship with it. And you're right, it changes the power dynamics because when it's part of us, we'd be fighting ourselves. And we're looking for, is there some good to it or, you know, why do I have it? Why am I different? And we get so lost in the why that we don't have any energy to get ourself better because we're lost trying to solve the why, which is an unsolvable mode a lot of times, isn't it? So I love that you brought up that personified anxiety. I just uploaded last week, I had some teenagers interview anxiety, a character of anxiety about like what it's up to in teenage kids' lives. And so it's a really fun activity that I'm doing in my school program to help them really think about anxiety in a different way. It is not me. It is something that influences me and that changes the power dynamic, because then we could change our relationship with it or out trick it or whatever we have to do to grab our power back. So I'm really glad that you brought that up, yeah.

Kasey Crist: [00:14:26] Yeah, yeah. I think another piece, too, for teenagers, with the social media, as we discussed, can be helpful being exposed to famous people who have more influence and, you know, saying that they have anxiety or depression. But I think social media also can be a negative. And I think the comparison and everyone posts their best version and shiniest of themselves. Right? And lives are so happy and teenagers are so impressionable. What the expectation of what they should be doing or what they look like or, you know, these incredible challenges that are, you know, deadly that they think are real and understanding reality as opposed to Photoshop. And, you know, it's just...

Dr. Jodi: [00:15:16] It's all these filters too, like the filters really. You know, and you could even know that it's a filter, but it's still, it still affects, right? We're still like comparing our backstage mess to somebody's highlight reel.

Kasey Crist: [00:15:30] Yes, yes, I like that. Backstage mess. Yeah.

Dr. Jodi: [00:15:34] Yeah. We're like, I'm a mess. Yeah. But the other people are a mess, too, you just don't see that. We're all a mess, you know, like we've all grown up in this culture which has these high expectations. So we're all feeling not good enough, not smart enough, not cool enough, not skinny enough. We're all feeling it. But everyone looks like they're fine, right? And you're the only one who's different. Hugely devastating on the soul, isn't it?

Kasey Crist: [00:15:58] And I think this generation, they are the ones that are exposed to it the most. And they just, they don't know anything else. So it's, they've grown up with the cell phone, they've grown up on computers. They just don't know anything other than having no privacy. I mean, they don't have privacy. And I just, I don't know, I look back and I'm grateful we didn't have cell phones back when I was growing up. You know, it's just.

Dr. Jodi: [00:16:26] Yeah, I guess they define this generation, generation Z with they had smartphones or like, phones connected to the internet from middle school. That's what makes them different than the millennials before them. And there's a difference in what we're seeing. And it's not like no adults have anxiety and depression because for sure they do. And they're affected by the social media too. Like we're all comparing ourselves to everybody else as well and struggling with these because we had these Western high expectations before. Now they're just like ten times because they're in our face all day, the ability to compare. When we were young, we had these high expectations, but it was like at least you were in real life dealing with it. My TedX talk, I talked about the three messages that people get online that makes them feel powerless, worthless, and out of control. We're on screens all day long, and the statistics show that the more teenagers are on screens, the more they're at risk of suicide. And that's so scary. And we really have to do something about that. And it's, you know, it might not be take their screens away, like it's not going to happen. Right? But there's all of these messages constantly. Yeah, there's funny stuff you're watching. And some people say nice things about you. And so there's some positive, but there's constant messages that, you know, everybody's better than you, like that comparison, or trauma happens randomly and out of control and you should just get stuff. So then there's the commercialism that's really messing with our sense of worth. So kids are just every day, all day, feeling powerless, worthless and out of control. Like, how do we as adults, as helpers and as parents, counter some of that?

Kasey Crist: [00:18:13] It's a good question. I think it's an ongoing open question, and I think we just have to keep plugging away and trying to find resources. I think now, again, especially if I could go back when with Covid, you know, the pandemic and teenagers are all about their friends. They need that connection. It is their world. And that completely shut down. It just changed their whole experience of being a teenager, you know, staying at home and not being able to engage and that's what they thrive on. So I think that's where computers and, you know, their phones really were still able to connect them to their friends, which that was the best that we could do at the time. And we all did the best that we could do in trying to navigate a world pandemic. We all thought it was two week shelter in place and we'll be fine. And you know, what, two years later, over two years? I mean, we still have repercussions from it. So I think it's a really good question that you pose. And I think as, again, I'll say it again, I think as parents, family, supports with the school, being communicative. And sort of parents can't be afraid to ask questions. And I think parents sometimes think that they are supposed to know when their child may be struggling, where the school may be the first line of maybe recognizing symptoms of anxiety, depression in the student and then in their child and bringing that home. And again, I think it's that communication and working together to support that teenager is just so vital.

Dr. Jodi: [00:20:09] Kasey, you have a whole chapter, I love this, because people have been asking - my whole career, people are asking this question - and you have a whole chapter on communicating with your teenager when they're struggling. What are some of the top tips in that chapter?

Kasey Crist: [00:20:27] It's not easy. And especially, I mean in everyday life talking to a teenager, you get your grunts and your, you know, one word or roll of the eyes and you have to just take it, right? So I often would tell parents, it's sort of you have to have a poker face no matter what the reaction. You can't let them see you react because one, I didn't put this in the book, but I often will say teenagers are very much like toddlers, except toddlers want your attention and they want you, but then they may have a temper tantrum, whereas teenagers, they want your attention, but they may just ignore you. But it's still, they still want your attention. So it's sort of this interesting process. But to communicate a tough topic such as if you're, you know, concerned about their mental health, you're not going to jump in because they will shut down. And I know people will often, you know, be driving in the car so the child is trapped in the car and they can't go anywhere and you think that's the best way to keep them contained. It may work for some, but oftentimes they'll just shut down because they don't want to engage. They have no place to escape to. You really need to start out with a question that could be, like, so random about their sports or something that you've seen on TV or a show they just watched.

Dr. Jodi: [00:21:54] Like warm them up a little bit, like something easy?

Kasey Crist: [00:21:57] Yeah, something easy. Yep. You could bring up the topic around, something around - if it's something specific, say anxiety - you could bring something up around that, but it's not specific about them. I would not recommend just a yes or no question, an open ended question, and just sort of let it hang and just almost like you say it and you, you're there, you're being supportive. If they say anything, if they don't say anything, you don't react because you want to keep that line of communication open. So when you sort of do build up and then have those more difficult conversations, they may be more apt to be open. And, yeah. And it's so hard because it's... and then the other part is, you know, your child does turn around and say something about how they're feeling. And parents are so worried or afraid like, my gosh, what are they going to say? And then what am I going to say? And you just have to try to let it happen organically, as opposed to worrying about what your response is before you even know what they're going to say.

Dr. Jodi: [00:23:03] I think that's a good point, right? Listen, don't think of your next response. Just listen. You'll figure out your response after.

Kasey Crist: [00:23:12] Meet them where they're at, meet them where they're at, and just support them.

Dr. Jodi: [00:23:18] I think a lot of times that happens with us in listening is that we're so ready to fix or what we're going to respond, and that distracts us and we forget to really listen to what somebody is saying, because sometimes they talk and they're on a journey, they tell, you know, their fears of what's going on, and then sometimes they come and start telling you their plan or their thoughts about it, and you miss that if you stop them and try to fix it. Right? So I think that's really crucial. One thing that I like to tell parents is, tell your kids, We're not going to leave you here. If your kids are struggling, make sure you say, we're not going to leave you here. We're going to do what we need to do to get you out of this place. And it is possible. And so I tell all the teens I start working with that. And also, if I'm giving advice to parents, I'm like, tell them that and don't stop until you get them out of there because they have to believe that they could get better or they're not going to get better. So that's really crucial. And the other thing that I tell parents is like, keep up on stuff. Like, if you are talking to your kids every day about their friends, when they come home, they update you, they'll update you.

Dr. Jodi: [00:24:29] But if you haven't really been talking to them about a scenario that's going on or their friends or something that's happening, they don't want to bother like giving you the whole detail, the whole story from the beginning. But it's easy to just keep updating you. So I mean, if you don't have that ongoing conversation, you got to start somewhere, of course. But if you have it, keep it going, because then you're going to be in a front row seat to whatever they're going through. And that's going to be really important because you want to see if there's something dangerous, if there's something you want to worry about, you want to have that front row seat to that. And so I hear a lot of parents like, I don't even want to know. Yes you do. Yes you want to know. You want that front row seat to what they're going through so that you could intervene if there's something that's a problem, you know, you could help them out. People don't do stuff alone. It's like there's a difference between helicopter parents doing your kids, like, homework for them, and letting your kids know that they're not alone and you're not going to abandon them in their darkest hour. You're going to, all they need is your presence. They don't need you to do it for them. They need your presence and to believe in them. Believe that they can and then also help brainstorm.

Dr. Jodi: [00:25:41] I really have a passion for helping parents. I'm a parent of three teenagers, well they're getting older now, so I have a passion because it's so hard on us. When our kids are struggling we blame ourselves so much. And so I really have this passion, so I'm going for it. But, yeah.

Kasey Crist: [00:26:04] I think it's so important that, parents, that you have to get take yourself off the hook like it's impossible to know everything. It's impossible. Although I, you know, I have friends that have teenage children and I swear they do have eyes in the back of their head as parents, but it's impossible to be everywhere.

Dr. Jodi: [00:26:27] Your book, though, gives so many resources, so it's very comprehensive.

Kasey Crist: [00:26:34] Thank you. Yeah. No, it's really important to have all different sorts of mediums. So if teenagers are more apt to go online to get help, if they're more apt to go to the school counselor, talk to their parents, if outside support, if they have someone they can talk to like therapist or, you know, their primary doctor who could refer them out. In this day and age, there's an abundance of resources for every comfort level.

Dr. Jodi: [00:27:02] Yeah. And also even, you know, yeah, there's mental health resources and those kind of things. There's me on YouTube, there's places that, you know, but there's also, it's also getting involved in some activities, like getting a sense of belonging because you're part of a club and you're doing something and you have friends, like that is huge for our mental health and helping us move forward. So sometimes the plan is not just to go to a counselor. The plan might be to join a club, or the plan might be to try something different or learn something new or have, you know, so I think that's interesting to people as well. I think it's important for us to know that the reason why so many people are struggling, because it is a regular human reaction to our world, but we don't have to stay here. So I think that's incredibly helpful because people think that they are different.

Kasey Crist: [00:28:02] Absolutely. And as you know, I mean, humans are meant to connect. That's what we are, what drives us. Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, we all need that human connection in some way. And, you know, you bring up a good point about, you know, joining clubs or sports or trying something new or, you know, an after school program that is something or volunteering. It's just having that connection and belonging. And I think helping teenagers figure out what that is for them, as opposed to just being online and gaming or, having that real connection.

Dr. Jodi: [00:28:40] Yeah, I think it does, it does separate. Screens really have a tendency to decrease our in-person time with people. And I think that's having negative consequences as we're talking about, of course. So good point there. One more thing I thought would be good to share that I read in the book. There's a couple of them, but... The importance of, because we're talking about parents and talking to your teens, you were talking about the importance of validating. Could you tell us a little bit more about like, how are you? How do people be validating with other people? And what does that do for somebody?

Kasey Crist: [00:29:21] Validating, I mean, with teenagers, I think it's really listening, active listening, being present. You're not on your phone, you're not cooking dinner, and they're trying to share something with you. Validating one's feelings, meeting them where they're at. Not having, I think you brought up not trying to solve the problem, but validating what they're saying in the moment, just being present, meeting them where they're at, acknowledging their feelings and supporting them. So whether you agree or not, as long as it's not something that has to do with safety or risk, but if it's they're navigating a problem or a situation or, that's a typical teenage issue, perhaps, that you're just validating them. And I think it's important because you want to give them the skills to maybe vent and then maybe be able to process and figure out what they need to do. If they're looking for your opinion or solution, I mean, obviously that's where you may insert that, you know.

Dr. Jodi: [00:30:24] What does it feel like for them to when they're validated as opposed to not being validated? Like what does that do to the teenager, do you think?

Kasey Crist: [00:30:32] I often would tell my teens that I worked with, even in my private practice, that they're in this space where they're too young to be a complete adult, you know, complete autonomy, making their own decisions. But they're too old to be a little kid and, you know, walked around, you know, holding hands and wherever they need to go, they're in this place where they need to figure out and decision making. They're going to make mistakes. But meeting them where they're at and validating, and I think if you give them the space, it gives them the self esteem and the independence to try to make these decisions because they want the autonomy and you're giving them the space to do that, but you're still validating whatever it is that they're bringing to you. And I think it--.

Dr. Jodi: [00:31:22] -- it sounds like it decreases their negative self judgment.

Kasey Crist: [00:31:26] Absolutely.

Dr. Jodi: [00:31:26] You feel like more, I guess the word valid, like they feel worthy.

Kasey Crist: [00:31:31] And again, it's connection. And I think if you don't have your teenager, you know, coming to you and bringing issues to you, or it could be little things, I mean, it's to them, it could be a big thing. But in your head you may be like, oh my gosh, this is like, come on, this is what we're dealing with? But in that moment for them, it could be a big issue. And meeting them where they're at, it gives them the, you know, the strength and being able to navigate it and like, wow, okay, I can do this.

Dr. Jodi: [00:32:02] And not to feel alone. Right?

Kasey Crist: [00:32:05] Yes. Absolutely.

Dr. Jodi: [00:32:07] Yeah. Cool. Now the book is for counselors, it's for parents, and it's for teenagers themselves. What is your favorite thing that you're sharing that, you know, makes a huge difference because you've seen it in your practice? Sorry. That's hard. I didn't prep you for that question.

Kasey Crist: [00:32:25] Yeah. I think it's just I've had, I've worked with a lot of families and parents that it's such a scary topic around anxiety and depression that they, like I think you referenced, I don't want to know, but I this is the information that makes it a little less scary. And to understand, I think, have a better sense of what it's all about. And I think everyone would be able to take something away from this book that may be helpful.

Dr. Jodi: [00:32:59] For a lot of things.

Kasey Crist: [00:33:01] For a lot of things. There's resources in the back. But even if you adjust one of these things, or letting parents know that there are resources out there that they can go to to get the support. And I think that's the takeaway, because I think fear is isolating.

Dr. Jodi: [00:33:18] I mean, it's isolating for teenagers, it's isolating for parents, and it's isolating for counselors too.

Kasey Crist: [00:33:25] It is. Yes. Agreed.

Dr. Jodi: [00:33:27] So like what do I do? I'm at the limit of my skills. Like, I'm an imposter. I don't know how to help these kids, you know, or something like. That's hard.

Kasey Crist: [00:33:35] Yeah, it is hard. It's very hard.

Dr. Jodi: [00:33:38] To be doing the work and like, seeing people suffer and...

Kasey Crist: [00:33:42] Yeah. No, it's, being a counselor is a tough job because you are in the inside of the inner workings of of someone's struggles.

Dr. Jodi: [00:33:52] They invite you in, right? They invite you into their vulnerability. And yes, it's really, really hard. I love every minute of it. And, you know, before we started recording, you said the same thing. You're so glad at this path that you've taken, because we are making a difference. And sometimes it's, with some people slower than other people, but that doesn't mean they can't. We just have to work harder at believing, at helping them, convincing them that they can get better, that this is not a life sentence, that they don't have to stay there. You can get my book, 'Anxiety... I'm So Done With You'. You can listen to the rest of this podcast. You can get Kasey's book, 'A Teenage Brain'. And there's videos all over the place to help you get better. And so never give up that this is just how you are and you have to stay like this. Or that you have to, you know, that you have to grieve a fun or happy life because you deserve a fun and happy life. Don't they?

Kasey Crist: [00:34:52] Absolutely, absolutely. Thank you so much for having me on here today.

Dr. Jodi: [00:34:56] Yeah. That's awesome. So 'A Teenage Brain' by Kasey Crist. I'll put the link down below this video, this podcast or this blog, wherever you're seeing this or hearing this. And you could get yourself a copy of 'A Teenage Brain'.

Kasey Crist: [00:35:12] It's on Amazon. You can get it today!

Dr. Jodi: [00:35:15] Get it today. All right. Thanks so much. We'll see you next time.

Kasey Crist: [00:35:19] Thank you.

Dr. Jodi: [00:35:21] I so appreciate your attention, your sharing, your commenting on my blog posts, and especially being so generous with those five stars on Apple Podcasts. In this episode, I talked to Kasey Crist about her new book, 'The Teenage Brain'. We discuss what we're seeing among teenagers and the main things that we think will help them get through this crazy time in our culture. Grab a copy of your book and keep practicing. And remember to hang out with me on YouTube and TikTok at Dr. Jodi, where I give more practical tips for your brain, body, and spirit. See you next episode! And until then, let that you that you want to be shine through.

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Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

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About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

5:7 - Prioritize Creativity

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Mon, 14 Aug 2023 19:04:13 +0000

Welcome to Episode 7: Prioritize Creativity

This is the last episode that goes along with the book, as it is the last section of the book. We are on Chapter 5, Section 7: Prioritize Creativity.

Never fear! I'm not going anywhere. After a short break this summer, I'll continue recording podcast episodes with tips to help you along your healing journey. I also plan to interview experts on practical steps to help you get rid of anxiety, negative thinking, low self-confidence, depression, and more. In this episode, I

🐇explain why creativity is on this list of happiness habits

🎨 share how important it is

🥘 discuss how creativity pursuits encapsulate all other tips already shared in this book

📝 list reasons why creativity benefits you

🪴give examples of creative activities from my life (That'll be a long list, and it's not near complete because there are unlimited ways to engage in creativity. This episode will inspire you to get your hands dirty in some creative endeavor. And doing so will make you happier, more confident, healthier, and more connected to yourself and your loved ones. Enjoy!

"When you robust-ify your mammalian brain, it'll be more available for you when you need it. Your brain is like a muscle. Keep it strong by practicing, adapting, building skills, having a growth mindset, expanding what you can do, and trying hard things. That'll contribute to a happier life. You'll feel more comfortable and confident and have less anxiety and depression. And you'll need fewer vices, too. When we're upset, we all too often turn to things to make us feel better that make us feel more out of control, like addiction, violence, eating problems, and dangerous behavior, to name a few. You won't need to do that when you robust-ify that mammalian brain." - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

You can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Survival Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

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Season 5 Episode 7 - Prioritize Creativity transcript

Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is Season 5 of the the "Anxiety, I'm So Done With You" podcast. This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to Ditching Toxic Stress and Hardwiring Your Brain for Happiness. If you're new here, grab a copy of my book, Anxiety, I'm So Done With You! because this series is going section by section through it, going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. This season follows Chapter 5, "Self-Care is the New Health Care." This book promises to 'hardwire your brain for happiness.' This season I deliver on that promise. We focus on seven essential happiness-generating habits, contexts, activities, and practices for you to incorporate into your life to stay healthy, positive, and resilient to whatever life throws your way.

There's a myth at play if you've been feeling bad for a long time. You might think that happy people are lucky and that you are not; that you are different. While context matters to your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health, your context is only partially determined by privilege, genetic expression, and random luck. The rest is determined by you. In this season, I show you how to harness that "you percent," decolonize your self-care, and let your highest potential shine through all of the gook in your life.

Thank you for listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple Podcasts. Also, come hang out with me on YouTube and TikTok @DOCTORJODI where I give you practical tips for your brain, body, and spirit. Please spread the word about this book and series because mental health problems are skyrocketing, and I need you to help me turn the tide.

Welcome to Episode 7: Prioritize Creativity

This is the last episode that goes along with the book, as it is the last section of the book. We are on Chapter 5, Section 7: Prioritize Creativity.

🐇explain why creativity is on this list of happiness habits

🎨 share how important it is

🥘 discuss how creativity pursuits encapsulate all other tips already shared in this book

📝 list reasons why creativity benefits you

🪴give examples of creative activities from my life (That'll be a long list, and it's not near complete because there are unlimited ways to engage in creativity. But before we start, I just wanted to check in with you to see how you're doing.

How is your anxiety? I hope it is less, and you are still listening to this podcast for these happiness habits. (Obviously, if you hear me saying these words, you are still listening!)

I'm curious about what makes people listen after they're feeling better. I hope you see value for you, knowing that because I helped you feel better, my happiness habits are on par. They are! They are from 25 years of working with people. And they work!

This is the thing: Even when your anxiety is gone, or if it is much decreased, or if your depression is better, you still need to work at maintaining happiness. People don't get better, and then that's it; they stay better forever. They have to continue each and every day generating their wellness, to keep things in their life that help sustain that wellness. And they need to continue to remove things that harm.

This is the thing: We're living in this world where bad things happen all the time. There are negative energies out there, you might get picked on, or people are mean to you. You don't clear yourself and you're clean and now you could go on to life, and it's better now. No, we are always processing back out, what we have taken in that doesn't serve us.

Hopefully, you can prevent some of the things you don't want from coming all the way in. Here's a way to think about it. If you tasted something new and weren't sure how it would taste, you just took a little bit on your tongue. If you didn't like it, you'd spit it out. If it was gross or you didn't like it at all, you'd think, "Ugh!" and spit it out, not even taking it into your whole body and system. That's what would be great if you did that because it is easier not to have to get rid of it. Sometimes people are mean and we don't even want to take that past our outer energy limit. We could say, Is this for me? No, I'm not taking it into my heart.

However, many experiences, especially intense ones, are overwhelming and affect us, so we have to learn how to release them.

Okay, that's a little tangent there. But it came to me in this conversation about this Happiness Formula: Get rid of things that make you suffer. And those are constantly coming. We have to constantly clear them out! Then, bring into your life what makes you happy, what brings you joy. And then, practice every day.

So you're never done; you have to keep practicing. Not being done doesn't mean something's wrong with you. None of us are done. We will always continue to grow, and expand our knowledge, consciousness, skills, and ideas. When we stop developing, we feel stagnant. And that doesn't feel very good.

Humans are made for this expansion and development. We were made to grow, learn, adapt, be creative, and figure things out. Our brain biologically was made to do that. So that feels really good. Even when it's a challenge, it feels good. Even when you're being creative and you're trying to figure something out and it's hard, or heavy and you want to know how to lift it, and you're trying to figure out how to lift it––when you're solving problems like that, it feels good because we're made to face challenges like that.

Will Smith tells a story about building a wall with his brother. His father made him and his brother build a wall when he was young. And it's a great illustration of this point. Having a challenge and figuring it out and having to learn how to do it and decide what to do and make those decisions is so valuable. Unfortunately, due to modern conveniences, young people don't have that opportunity as much as they had in other generations, even my generation. And I'm over 50. Even in my generation, we've had so many modern conveniences; I haven't done really heavy chores. I've never built a wall, for example.

So what's creativity doing on this list?

All right, let's get into this episode. In the 5th chapter of the book, we are prioritizing happiness habits. I encourage you to prioritize relationships, surroundings, movement, nourishment, rest, purpose, and now, creativity. So what's creativity doing on this list? Creativity and imagination exercise the mammalian brain. You want your mammalian brain to be powerful and robust because it's our best friend in overriding anything that doesn't serve us. That fight or flight reaction is the sympathetic nervous system reaction. Sometimes it triggers when we are not literally in physical danger, so we don't need it.

We don't want to get rid of the sympathetic nervous system altogether. When we need it to survive, we want it online. So we're not trying to get rid of that. When it gets triggered, yet we discern that we don't need it, we need the mammalian brain to override it so we don't get lost in the anxiety.

Remember what I said at the beginning of this series? Anxiety is a leftover fear response when you're not in physical danger. We want that fear response online, but we don't want that leftover fear response when we've decided we're not in danger. Your mammalian brain can say, "Okay, everything looks okay. We don't need you. Thank you so much, amygdala, but we don't need you right now."

When you robustify your mammalian brain, it'll be more available for you when you need it. Your brain is like a muscle. Keep it strong by practicing, adapting, building skills, having a growth mindset, expanding what you can do, and trying hard things. That'll contribute to a happier life. You'll feel more comfortable and confident and have less anxiety and depression.

And you'll need fewer vices, too. When we're upset, we all too often turn to things to make us feel better that make us feel more out of control, like addiction, violence, eating problems, and dangerous behavior, to name a few. You won't need to do that when you robust-ify that mammalian brain.

Instead, turn to activities that make you feel better and stay better, like creative activities. Everything episode in this season talks about actions you can turn to when you need help. When going through a hard time, you can turn to relationships, rest, movement, comfortable and beautiful surroundings, nourishing your body, purposeful acts, to give some meaning, and creative endeavors. (Creativity is included in all of those if you think about it.)

The human brain was made to problem solve.

Solving problems keeps us growing mentally and emotionally strong. Creativity is another way to say problem-solving. When you're designing something, you're making decisions all the time. Like, How am I going to do this so it works this way? You're problem-solving. You didn't have an answer, and you have to get the answer.

For example, if you were woodworking and were going to make a box, you would have to figure out if it'll have a lid. You'd have to decide if the lid is just going to sit on there or if it will be hinged so it opens and closes. Will it lock? If there are hinges, will they be on the inside or on the outside and part of the design? You need to decide what color and how big it will be. All of those things are problem-solving. You begin without an answer; then, you have to think about all the options and decide.

Problem-solving is asking: How can I do this? Or, how else can I do this? You are essentially brainstorming, thinking about how many different ways you could do something. Brainstorming is what helps your prefrontal cortex develop.

I love brainstorming.

Brainstorming is underrated. People rarely consider how powerfully helpful it is and how good it is for our emotional well-being and for relationships. Sometimes parents lecture their kids, or they give advice when they haven't been asked for advice. It could be more helpful if they offered to have a brainstorming session together. The two of you can go over the scenario and list a bunch of different responses. Then, you'd discuss the possibility of those responses, giving you conscious time and information to choose a path forward. Also, it teaches you what to do the next time you are in a predicament.

Brainstorming is excellent. Rather than giving unsolicited advice, which can come across as judgmental, it's co-creating options. This is the same skill that we use when we're making meaning. When something we never experienced happens to us, we immediately start to make meaning because we want to make sense of it. We want order, and that comes from understanding it. And we make meaning according to things that have happened to us in the past or beliefs that we have. If you have negative thoughts about yourself, you could take that someone didn't text you back as they don't like you. You make meaning according to what you believe or experiences that you've had in the past.

When an event happens, there are many different ways you can think about what happened. So if someone doesn't text you back, they could

have gotten their phone taken away,

been in the shower,

had a meeting,

written their text in the text window and forgot to push send,

they're burnt out, exhausted, or withdrawing from social situations,

they thought they'd get some information before they texted back, and maybe they forgot for a little while.

There are so many reasons why people don't text back right away. Their not liking you is only one of many, many possible reasons. When you build your skills in brainstorming, it could help you think of all those reasons and then not just conclude that they must be that they hate you. So creativity is you figuring out an answer to what you want to do.

t could be gardening, crafting, painting, painting and decorating a room or painting a scene on paper. There are tons of mediums that you could use in your art.

Organizing, like organizing a closet, is being creative. You have to decide where everything goes and how to make it more organized. Making videos, writing, writing stories or poems, photography, decorating cakes or baking, selling things, cleaning, learning something, sculpting, planning parties, acting, dancing, giving gifts, woodworking, as I said, model building, drone flying, and even sports are creative. You're problem-solving the best decisions at the moment. There are unlimited ways that you could be creative in the world.

Benefits of Creativity

So let's look at the benefits of creativity. Creativity

strengthens the mind

helps you learn, expand, and grow

encourages a growth mindset

connects you with others (especially when you give things that you make to them)

makes you feel appreciated

reflects off who you are back to you

enhances your relationship with yourself and your sense of yourself

gives you a purpose

feeds your soul because it is what we want to do to survive

Creativity fulfills the brain, which is made to do this. When we are creative, our soul feels like we're doing what we're supposed to do. That goes along with your purpose. It builds confidence because you start to see yourself as skilled and able to figure out complex things, find the loophole or the unique thing that no one else has seen before, and create something unique.

It makes you feel good about yourself. It's fun to find that piece that you've been looking for in an antique shop and then make it what you want to make it. You feel productive when you're creative. And then, as a result, you have cool things that you've made, really cool experiences that you've had. There are endless, endless, endless benefits here.

You crave creativity. You crave it. It's the most natural thing. So again, challenging tasks charge us up because we are built for them. Not big problems, not injustices, betrayals, or devasting events. We're not made to do that. We have the skills to handle them when they come to us because this world is unfair, and these things happen. We don't want them to happen. They don't happen for a reason, but bad things happen, and we can decide how to go forward after those things happen.

We are almost done

I'm sad. I'm sad that this part of the series is over, but I feel confident that you have everything that you need to create the life that you want to create. And now you just have to practice. But listen, if you're still feeling bad, if you still have some anxiety and depression, guess what? You're human. You may still have a little bit. There's going to be some bad days and some good days. I don't want you to suffer, though; if you have anxiety to the level you're suffering, we can eliminate that, too. You don't have to stay here.

Why do you still have anxiety?

It might be that you're still afraid of it. Some people have gone through my five steps to healing anxiety, and yet, they still have a little bit of anxiety left. At those times, I notice it is most often because they're upset about that little bit of anxiety. So if you got rid of 90% of your anxiety and you still have 10% left, but it bothers you. If you are like, "No, I don't want to have any; I don't want it." That's probably why you still have it. That little bit of upsetness is what is keeping it. Get rid of that by being comfortable with yourself having anxiety. If you are 100% comfortable with yourself having anxiety, then and only then will you let it go and you won't have it any longer.

One more thing.

If anxiety comes back, don't say, "Oh no, I didn't really get rid of it, I can't believe it came back. This is going to be awful. I'm going to be suffering for months and months." Don't say that! If anxiety comes back, know what caused it. I've taught you that. Expect that anxiety is going to come back sometimes because we still have the sympathetic nervous system.

So there will be stress and situations and perfect storms where you might feel anxiety one day, and it could bring terror to you that it's coming back, but that fear will only perpetuate it. If you expected it and you say, "Oh, I get it, I'm hungry, it's really hot today, I'm away from home for the whole day at this sporting event, and I understand why it's happening, it'll be gone by tomorrow." It will be gone by tomorrow.

If you knew what it was and you said, "Wow, my adrenaline is up, I'm going to eat something good, I'm going to go to sleep tonight, I'm going to be fine tomorrow," it will not mess up your life for months and months and months. It will only be today, and that's it.

But if you had anxiety in that kind of situation and you were like, "Oh my gosh, that's it, I didn't do it, the book didn't help me, the podcast didn't help me, and now I'm going to suffer for a really long time and my whole life I'm going to have anxiety." What's going to happen? You're going to have it for a lot longer. Use this podcast and book as touchstones to reset you into your confidence again in case anxiety comes back. Remember, if you got rid of it before you can again. When you're not afraid of it at all, it won't last more than that day.

How are you doing? Are you ready for this? Are you ready for this life? It could be amazing. You could bring joy into your life. You could bring good people into your life.

Yes, there'll be bumpy and hard days, but you can go through them. I so appreciate your attention, your sharing, your commenting on my blog posts, and especially, as you know, I need those five stars on Apple Podcasts. In this episode, we discussed creativity and talked about why it is essential to your happiness. We brainstormed ways that you could be creative and listed some of the benefits of creativity. Not all of them, because we'd be here all day, but we listed some of those benefits to you, your family, your friends, your community, and the entire world.

This has been such a sweet journey that you and I have had together. Life is a journey of sustaining your wellness. You're not different. Happy people generate happiness, and you could do that, too. I know there are injustices, and we must commit to doing something about them. But in the meantime, keep working on finding your abilities within the limits so that you can expand those limits and feel free to spite them. Keep practicing, and remember to hang out with me on YouTube and TikTok at Dr. Jodi, where I give more practical tips for your brain, body, and spirit. See you next season, and until then, let the you, that you want to be, shine through.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

5:6 - Prioritize a Higher Purpose

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Mon, 14 Aug 2023 18:06:21 +0000

Welcome to Episode 6. It's all about prioritizing your highest purpose. In this episode, I

🎯 discuss why you need to have a purpose

⛑️ compare little p purpose to Big P Purpose

🍎 give you three ingredients for finding your purpose

🍒 tell you how to stay flexible yet accountable with having a purpose-driven life.

People who feel purpose-driven live longer, happier, and more mentally robust. Having a purpose-driven life is free and accessible to everyone. You start by thinking about how you can help the people and communities around you. Look at situations and discern how you can contribute.

There are three ingredients to finding your purpose. What you are good at, what interests you, and what people around you need. Where all three of these overlap is the place you look for what you want to spend your time and energy on. All of these ingredients sit on a foundation of what you give value to (what is important and precious to you). That might be children being children, people feeling at home through art, inspiring others, making social changes that bring more inclusion, people's safety, healing people through music, and so much more.

"Another benefit of having a purposeful project is that it keeps your mind occupied. Our mind has evolved for millions of years to solve problems, so having a sense of purpose gives it something productive to do with that ability. It also makes you feel worthy, good about yourself, and like you contribute to society. And that's all win, win, win. What you do affects what you mean to people, and what you mean to people gets reflected back to you by them. When you're in a relationship with people, you're interacting with them. How you make them feel, how you have helped them, what they appreciate about you, all of that stuff about you is reflected back to you, from that relationship, in their comments, in their love for you, in their feelings about you, and in how they treat you." - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

You can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Survival Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

S5 Episode 6 - Prioritize a Higher Purpose transcript

Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is Season 5 of the "Anxiety, I'm So Done With You" podcast. This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to Ditching Toxic Stress and Hardwiring Your Brain for Happiness. If you're new here, grab a copy of my book, Anxiety, I'm So Done With You! because this series is going section by section through it, going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. This season follows Chapter 5, "Self-Care is the New Health Care." This book promises to 'hardwire your brain for happiness.' This season I deliver on that promise. We focus on seven essential happiness-generating habits, contexts, activities, and practices for you to incorporate into your life to stay healthy, positive, and resilient to whatever life throws your way.

Welcome to Episode 6. It's all about prioritizing your highest purpose. In this episode, I

🎯 discuss why you need to have a purpose

⛑️ compare little p purpose to Big P Purpose

🍎 give you three ingredients for finding your purpose

🍒 tell you how to stay flexible yet accountable with having a purpose-driven life.

Let's talk about why you need a purpose. About only 25% of adults know and have a clear sense of their purpose in life. So if you're like, "I have no idea what my purpose is," don't worry; you are not alone. Plus, you're probably an emerging adult, a teenager, or a young person who doesn't know yet what they want to do with their life or what their primary purpose is for their life. That's okay. Right now, know that a purpose, or having a purpose, to your day, to your week, to your year, to your life helps you live longer, have better emotional wellness, and your overall physical health.

Because when you give up (or don't have a goal that you want to do or get to, like healing or getting through it, and give up), your body believes that there's no hope anymore. When that happens, when it believes that there's no hope anymore, mentally, physically, and emotionally, disease progresses. So you don't want to give up that hope.

Do you know how it feels (emotionally) when you give up hope? The despair is heavy on your heart. It's heavy on your mind, feels horrible, and affects you physically. It affects your physical tissues. That matters, especially if you have a chronic or acute disease. But even when you're healthy, stress still affects you.

"Your issues are in your tissues."

Clear all unnecessary or hurtful mental and emotional baggage so that it doesn't affect you. Physical problems affect you emotionally and mentally, the same as mental and emotional issues affect you physically. We are all one body. Let's include the spiritual realm in there. When you feel more connected, you feel more hope. When you have more faith, you have more hope and more of a sense of purpose, and that affects you physically. It boosts your immune system. It makes you physically stronger.

It motivates you to do things that keep you healthy and happy. And so that's going to make a huge difference. All of these bodies relate to each other. You want to take care of all of them because any problems or disease or decompensation of any of your bodies will affect the rest of your bodies. So you live longer, have better emotional wellness, and have better physical health if you have a strong sense of purpose.

Then why does only one-third of our population have that sense of purpose? People are pretty lost. We could attribute modern conveniences to this problem as well. People used to have daily tasks that they had to do to survive, giving them a sense of purpose, even if it was a small 'p' purpose.

Before continuing this section about why you need a purpose, I'll explain what I mean when I use "little p purpose" and "big P Purpose." Little p purpose is smaller undertakings that last for one task, day, hour, week, or month. It is a goal to accomplish, something you're doing, or a project you're working on. Those are "small p purposes" because you do it, and it's done, and then you need another project. Those projects are not nothing! They instill a strong sense of purpose for those moments, but also overall because you get to know yourself as productive. You see yourself as someone who can accomplish things, contribute, and matter. Right? Having a strong sense of purpose reflects to yourself that you matter. And therefore, it's also very strongly connected with your sense of worth and assists the development of your own personal worthiness in this world.

I have a friend who is a teacher who has the summer off every year. By the end of each summer, he started feeling out of touch with who he was. The lack of purpose over the summer affected him that deeply. He felt terrible about himself as if he was no longer important anymore. He didn't feel like he mattered and was slightly lost. His reaction is an extreme example. However, for example, if someone were to be laid off, they likely would feel similar.

During the shut down of the pandemic, people lacked a sense of purpose because each day was the same, and they had nothing to do. People had limits on what they could do, so they felt lost. Many people found other projects, like making a gym in their backyard or learning new recipes. People find purposeful activities to engage in because we crave it. Without having something to do, something to think about, something to problem solve, our mind is idle. Unfortunately, when it's idle, you know what happens: The anxiety comes.

Another benefit of having a purposeful project is that it keeps your mind occupied. Our mind has evolved for millions of years to solve problems, so having a sense of purpose gives it something productive to do with that ability. It also makes you feel worthy, good about yourself, and like you contribute to society. And that's all win, win, win. What you do affects what you mean to people, and what you mean to people gets reflected back to you by them. So what I mean is when you're in a relationship with people, you're interacting with them. How you make them feel, how you have helped them, what they appreciate about you, all of that stuff about you is reflected back to you, from that relationship, in their comments, in their love for you, in their feelings about you, and in how they treat you. The reflection of your identity on them also gives you a powerful sense of purpose.

So when you are out there in the world doing things, contributing to other people or communities, or doing art projects or whatever it is, to some kind of creative project, you have a strong sense of purpose and that reflection off the people that you're interacting with, with all of that stuff gives you a strong sense of self, very robust sense of self. That is essential for feeling good about yourself. And it's easy to do. It's free. Surround yourself with uplifting people, and you contribute to those relationships somehow. (Don't overthink this, it is a natural process!) When you do, you'll experience yourself as participating and engaged in life, and you'll feel a sense of belonging. So you have connectedness and mattering in a sense of purpose.

Again, the little-p-purpose is for small day-to-day activities, and the big-P-Purpose is more of an overarching way of being or a commitment to your life. People have identities, which means a sense of who or what kind of person they are. Those identities come from what we give value to, what's important to us. When we value loyalty or being present for friends when they need us, loyalty becomes part of our identity. It’s a way to describe ourselves, e.g., "Someone who cares about other people."

Your positive self-identity is the foundation for the commitments and purposeful actions you take in your life, meaning you create actions and activities that go along with that identity and what you want to do. Your purpose is infiltrated with all of that; your identity, what you give value to, what you commit to, what you want to move forward to, and what you want to create in the world. That constitutes your Big-P-Purpose, the overarching ways you want to be in the world.

Let's get back to why humans need a purpose for one additional comment. I already said that it gives you something to focus on, right? This means your brain is not idle. It has something to do. Plus, being productive makes you feel like you're contributing, and that's connected to worth.

I wish it weren't sometimes. Occasionally some people will feel like they must keep producing or working hard to prove their worth. That's more of an attached way to see purpose (i.e., overworking to prove your worth). Many people, often those with a history of trauma, feel like they have to excessively work to prove their worth. Perfectionism is an example of this. Overworking and perfectionism don't actually help people feel sustainably worthy. Instead, they make them overcommitted, burnout people-pleasers who continue to feel bad about themselves.

You are worthy just for being you. You only have to be who you are. And you're 100% worth your place in the world. However, your soul also craves to do more and be purposeful, to matter, to matter to other people, to matter to this world, and to make the world a better place than how you found it.

That's a personal goal of mine; to leave each moment better than I found it. For example, with each episode, I intend to bring you to a better place than you were when you started listening, even if it's a tiny distance. I hope to transform some negative thoughts, give you a new tool, explain something you didn't understand, help you learn about yourself, give you insight into another person, or offer you something you could use to improve, even if it's just a little bit.

Pain needs a purpose.

People go through tough things in life; some are quite traumatic. When people struggle, it matters to them because it has affected them deeply. If their experience were rendered invisible for some reason, like they were invalidated or ignored by the person who hurt them, ridiculed for it, blamed, or even if they couldn't see a reason for it happening, they would feel like it didn't matter that it happened. That adds insult to injury.

Alternately, if your pain was, for example, transformed into something that you could help someone, it becomes more meaningful and easier for your mind and body to process.

Perhaps you help someone who has had a similar painful experience that you have, and this enables you to know what they need. The pain was not for nothing because it made a difference to someone or something.

The suffering happened, and that can't be undone. It's not, "good that it happened so that you could do something good with it." No, it's never good that it happened. However, if something good comes from it, even in a sideways way, it just makes it not for nothing. I don't want to say, "it gives it a reason" ––nothing like that. I don't believe "things happen for a reason." It didn't happen so that this good thing could happen. However, what we do after experiencing hardship, if it's doing something positive, gives that, whatever was precious that was lost from that painful event, gives that value. And that helps us heal.

Say a family member was injured on a stairway and to prevent other people from suffering a similar fate, you advocated for railings to be installed at that location. That advocacy and the results render the suffering and the loss meaningful. It's not the loss or the suffering that's given value but the loved one that suffered or the loved one that you lost that was given value by that action.

Remember I said that any time you're hurt in life, it's devaluing something that you hold precious? When your response to a problematic experience has you contributing to other people's lives, it gives value to what you hold precious.

Again, you don't have to value the loss. You don't give value to the trauma or the hurt, but you re-elevate what was lost during the incident. That's what gets value, and that's really important in so many ways.

A purpose-driven life

The more you are involved in a goal-oriented life, a purpose-driven life, the more you learn, which is awesome for the brain. The more you stimulate that prefrontal cortex, the lower your anxiety and depression become. I think that anxiety and depression have been rising in the last 20-30 years because we have so many modern conveniences that eliminate our need to constantly learn, adapt, and grow our skills. We get out of the practice of problem-solving. We don't have to learn new things. We don't have to build our skills.

This disconnects us from seeing ourselves as educatable, adaptable, and skilled, and we question whether we have skills. We totally do. We have tons of skills, and we have tons of adaptation ability to grow our skills, but we don't have that growth mindset knowing that we can do that, knowing that we can improve and learn something. And we need that. A sense of purpose, having a purpose, and having goals helps us do that. And it also builds self-trust.

Big-P-Purpose vs.Little-p-purpose.

All right. I already covered the Big-P-Purpose and the little-p-purpose. It's crucial to pause, however, and mention that people get confused about these two kinds of purpose. Unfortunately, when people assume they must have a Big-P-Purpose figured out, this can put undue pressure on them. When you are young, it is okay only to have little-p-purposes. Think of it like dating. You are trying things on, learning what is important to you, discovering what makes you feel good, and what you enjoy doing. There's time to figure out your Big-P-Purpose later. Also, don't get stressed about finding the "one." You can change a Big-P-Purpose. So let any worries about your Big--Purpose go and focus on the little-ps.

A little-p-purpose could be supporting a friend going through a hard time, sending them a card, or sharing candy to let them know you're thinking about them.

Small-p-purposes are good for you. They help you feel as purposeful as Big-P-Purposes. As you're emerging into adulthood and you're contemplating your Big-P-Purpose, think about things that you give value to. What's important to you? This could be the basis of your overarching Big-P-Purpose.

How to find your purpose

Perhaps other people are important to you, that they feel worthy and cared for. Or it can be important to you that people who are marginalized get centered. Whatever you give value to can be the base of your life purpose or the foundation of your Big P Purpose.

Here is how to find your purpose. You think about that base. What's that base? What's that thing that you value so much that you want it to be? What is integral to everything that you want to do in your life?

There are many different options on how you could actively value that and commit to that in your life. There may be unlimited options, but that's the foundation.

Once you have the foundation, then you need three ingredients to find your purpose. Imagine three overlapping circles.

🟡 Your interests are in one circle. These can be slightly different than things that you value. Things that you value are that foundation. Things that you're interested in are things that give you pleasure, provide you with joy, charge you up, and spark your attention. That's one circle.

🟣 In the second circle is things that you are good at. Get to know yourself and your skills, what you're naturally good at, or what skills you enjoy so much that you are willing to practice and build. Skills don't develop out of the blue. People who excel practice, practice, practice. There's a saying: '"How did you get to Carnegie Hall?" "Practice, practice, Practice."'

Many people get discouraged when they try something and don't do well at it. This might get in their way of continuing to attempt it, because it doesn't feel good to work hard and be bad at something. But practically nobody is good at stuff right away! Keep working on it. Some activities are interesting or fun enough to practice without you having to push yourself too much. It's fun to build those skills. However, sometimes it's not fun to build skills, but it is still worth it. That is the second circle: Things you are good at or willing to build your skills in.

🔴 In the third circle, put things that people need.

So you have three circles; things that interest you, things that you're good at, and things that people need. Where all three of those circles overlap is an excellent place to find your Big-P-Purpose. There are still many options, but it'll zero you in on what's most important to explore.

What would be a good thing for you to do in your life?

What would be helpful, useful, and purposeful?

What would make you feel good?

How to stay flexible yet accountable to your purpose

The last topic to discuss is staying flexible yet accountable to your purpose. You need to have a balance, don't you? Being flexible is awesome. It gets counters anxiety because anxiety expects and influences you to be rigid. To anxiety, flexibility feels out of control. However, when you lean into flexibility, your confidence in it increases, and your trust in the process improves. This can feel glorious! You get in the flow, are more productive, and you're not judging yourself as much with that anxiety and that rigidity. Flexibility is essential for a happy life.

Can you be too flexible?

That said, I have ADHD, so I struggle with focus and productivity. In many ways, my flexibility, which I developed to counter my own anxiety, has kept me productive. But, there's a downside that I've noticed in myself. Sometimes I'm too flexible and lose the discipline of making things non-negotiable. For example, I struggle with my morning routine.

I know that having a non-negotiable morning routine is so good for a person. It would be so good for me. I really, really, really want a non-negotiable morning routine, and I'm constantly trying to have one. But my flexibility kicks in, and while I LOVE that flexibility, sometimes it works against me. I need to gain the discipline to do what I set out to do without changing course.

Some people are too disciplined and need to lean into flexibility. Or too flexible and need to push themselves to be more disciplined. You have to know which way you're leaning so that you can rebalance it.

Everyone is different. I have to tell some clients to relax and motivate others to get moving. We are not all the same, so we cannot all take the same advice. That wouldn't make sense. You want the balance to be accountable to your goals, yet flexible to shift when that is most helpful to you. If you set a goal, stay committed to that goal.

However, if you decide, "This goal doesn't really work for me anymore, I want to change it." And that doesn't mean you want to suit because you don't feel like doing the hard stuff. It means that it's just not a good fit anymore. Sometimes we're wrong about the goal we want, and sometimes things change that enlightens us to that goal doesn't make sense anymore and we want to switch it. If we consciously change it, then it's okay. If we consciously change what the goal is or when something is due or whatever we consciously change, that flexibility can be helpful.

A Stop-Doing List

There are times when we have to decline a goal, "I don't want to do that anymore. This is not a good fit for me." At those times, get it off your list! You don't have to continue to do something because you made a commitment when it doesn't make sense to keep doing it.

I regularly make myself a "Stop-Doing List." (I have a video about The Stop Doing List.) To make a stop-doing list, get some paper and on it, list everything you do in a day, make sure it is everything, everything. Look at it. Ask yourself:

How many things are nonsense things that don't serve you?

Do they serve your purpose?

Are they fun and or pleasurable?

Writing the list helps you bring consciousness in. You may think you have to do them, but looking at them, you will realize you don't. Then, you cross them out. And you see what is left are activities that deserve your time and energy. That is how you make a Stop Doing list.

Make sure you're enjoying your purpose. If not, change it. (I know we have to do things we don't want to do sometimes, like cleaning your room. That's not what I am talking about.) Sometimes you have a very strong purpose and you want to do something, and it includes some hard or tedious tasks that you don't really want to do, but overall you want it done. I'm not talking about that, either. I mean, overall, make sure you're enjoying what you are majorly spending your time doing. If you're consciously choosing it, make sure you're enjoying it.

So that's it. That's all I got for you. I appreciate your presence here because this episode was so full of information. And I'll also add resources to the blog post that goes along with this episode. That link is in the show notes.

Remember, don't worry if you don't have that Big-P-Purpose. Get some small-p-purposes just for today; find a goal, task, or something you want to accomplish. Get yourself on the other side of that and celebrate that you did it.

That's all for Episode 6. Wow. This series that goes along with the book is almost done. The "Anxiety, I'm So Done with You!" podcast will continue. So keep subscribing, and keep listening. I'll continue to share practical tips for your brain, body, and spirit.

Thank you so much for listing. Please comment, share, subscribe, and leave me five stars on Apple Podcasts. That'll make a huge difference to how many people access these tools. In this episode, I

🍎 discussed why you need a purpose

🩺 distinguished little-p-purpose from Big-P-Purpose

🟣 gave you three ingredients for finding your purpose

🎣 mentioned how to stay flexible yet accountable within your purpose-driven life.

The next and last "book" episode is Prioritizing Creativity. How fun is that? I'm glad I left that fun, pleasurable topic for last because people came to Earth to create and there are so many different ways we could do that to feed our soul. There are a million, unlimited ways to be creative, and I'll share how being creative helps you bring happiness into your life. Read Chapter 5, Section 7, Prioritize Creativity. And in the meantime, as always, hang out with me on YouTube and TikTok at Doctor Jodi.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

5:5 - Prioritize Rest

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Tue, 8 Aug 2023 12:41:58 +0000

Welcome to Season 5, Episode 5, which accompanies Chapter 5, Section 5, "Prioritize Rest." In this episode, I attempt to convince you that resting is one of the most important things you can do for your mental health. That's why I'm so glad you're here listening to this episode. In it, I'll share

😴 why people need sleep,

🛌 how to get a good night's sleep

🧘🏾‍♂️ how to include some downtime into your day

During sleep, the body recovers from the day. It cleans and restores all of your systems to maximize your potential for the next day, especially your brain. Therefore when you don't get adequate sleep, it compromises so many areas of your body, causing many negative consequences in your life. Unfortunately, sleep and rest is the first thing to forgo when stressed out.

Hopefully, this episode will convince you to regain control over your rest and sleep schedule. I share the most common barriers to people filing their sleep schedule and suggest how to fix them.

"Susan Weed, a herbalist, says that when there is illness or disease, emotional, mental, or physical issues, whenever something's wrong (obviously, if it's not an emergency), do the least imposing intervention first. Rest is at the top of the list of least imposing interventions. And it's free." - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

You can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Survival Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

S5 Episode 5 - Prioritize Rest Transcript

Welcome to Episode 5: Prioritize Rest. This episode should have been the first episode, the first of the whole series, really, because anxiety is the antithesis of rest, right? Anxiety has us on full alert and so our bodies need MORE rest.

Resting is one of the most important things that we can do, so I'm so glad that you're here listening to this episode. In it, I'll share,

😴 why people need sleep,

🛌 how to get a good night's sleep

🧘🏾‍♂️ how to include some downtime into your day

Let's get into it.

As I said, the episode on rest should be first, first in the season, first in all of the seasons, first in everything, because when you've been experiencing anxiety or if even you have a loved one with anxiety, you need rest. And exhausting. It's so exhausting. When your body's hyped up on adrenaline all the time, it gets tired.

Once, I was in a car accident when my son was about three years old. He was in the back seat and his glass shattered during the car accident. We were all okay, thank goodness. I got him out of his car seat, I was holding him, and he was crying.

When the emergency people arrived, the ambulance and the fire trucks, he had fallen asleep on my shoulder. He was out cold. I thought that was weird. He was so stimulated and crying only moments ago that he was fast asleep. The EMTs said that happens often with toddlers; they fall asleep quickly after such intense adrenaline. So adrenaline exhausts us, so our body needs to recover from anxiety.

If you have anxiety all the time, all day or very often, you especially need a lot of recovery time. This is why I'm glad you're reading this episode.

Sleep, obviously, is one of the top ways to rest the body. In fact, we spent a third of our life sleeping. A third of your whole life! There is nothing else in the world that we spend this much time doing. Sleeping is incredibly important for our overall health. You cannot deny it, and why would you?

Dan Buettner from Blue Zones reports that people who sleep less than six hours a night are 30% less happy. So if you sleep more than six hours a night, which is not even the recommended amount, but if you sleep more than six hours, you are 30% happier. And I don't have the stats for if you sleep 7 or 8 hours. But I do know that 75% of adults sleep less than seven hours a night. 75% of adults sleep less than seven hours a night, and teens sleep even less. Teens need more sleep but sleep fewer hours than adults on average.

Susan Weed, a herbalist, says that when there is an illness or disease, so that could be emotional, mental, or physical issues, whenever something's wrong (obviously if it's not an emergency), do the least imposing intervention first. When you have symptoms and think, "I want to help this," the first thing is to do the least imposing intervention. Rest is at the top of the list of least imposing interventions. It is the least imposing intervention.

The most imposing intervention would be like brain surgery, right? You're extremely disrupting your tissues, and it's traumatizing for the body. Sometimes you need that. However, when there are issues, the first thing you want to do, if it's not an emergency, is rest. Get more rest.

I can't even emphasize enough how vital rest is. Yet, unfortunately, that's the thing that we sacrifice first when we're busy. It's okay occasionally, but it's not okay when done consistently.

Sleep is restorative to your systems. When you sleep, your body doesn't just shut down and do nothing. It cleans and restores the body's systems. You know that fluid in the brain? It's called cerebrospinal fluid. It gets thick like honey if you don't sleep. Every night, your body cleans out that fluid. When you don't get enough sleep, you can imagine what happens. The cerebrospinal fluid transports your thoughts, or the "synapses," to help you think and put the necessary hormones into your body. Therefore, without enough sleep, you lack concentration. The mind gets dull. It takes more work to make decisions and problem-solve. You lose things.

Also, you get sick when you don't sleep because your immune system is compromised. You react slower, have more accidents, have more appetite, and eat more to recover some of that energy. Quite often, you're also irritable.

That's what happens when that spinal fluid is not cleaned out each night with sleep. Many of you know what I'm talking about because you've experienced these things. There may be days you don't sleep enough, and you have those problems. You're not optimizing your potential those days. And it's okay once in a while. Everything's okay once in a while.

However, when you consistently sleep too few hours, then you're going to have more and more consequences of that. It works against you and causes depression and anxiety. That's the first thing. Sometimes if it's just that day, yes, it's hard to concentrate. Over time, it affects your mental health.

The first thing recommended to anybody experiencing trouble sleeping is to design a helpful sleep routine. Primarily to go to bed at the same time every night and wake up at the same time every morning. With only that change (going to bed at the same time each night and waking up at the same time each morning), your mental health improves. It decreases your anxiety and depression.

Again, this is a minor intervention. It's not medicine. You're not changing the chemicals in your body, and it's free. It's the least imposing intervention because it's right there, and our bodies know how to do it.

Next, let's talk about if you have trouble sleeping. One important thing to know is that if you're struggling to sleep, it could be that you are not tired. Have you ever been trying to go to sleep early but have trouble? You're not going to sleep; you're sitting in bed awake and thinking about all these negative thoughts.

Well, what is happening is your adrenaline is kicking off. When you're thinking negative thoughts or any time you're bothered, the adrenaline releases, and that'll keep you awake. You wouldn't want to fall asleep if you were in danger! You'd like to be awake to help yourself survive. Adrenaline wakes you up.

Again, when you can't sleep and are worried, "Oh my gosh, I'm not going to have a good day tomorrow! I'm not getting to sleep! It's going to be awful!" That is going to wake you up. When you can't sleep, try not to let yourself worry about it. Trust your body. That way, you'll be calmer, which will aid you in falling asleep.

The times when you are still stinking negative thoughts, you might have to get p and do something else to distract yourself so that you can be calm enough for sleep. Either purposely think about something, read, or do something else to get your mind on something besides the negative thoughts.

Apps like the Rest app. or Calm app. have sleep stories. They're on Spotify as well. They're about 20-minute audios of someone telling a story. They're slow, and they're repetitive in order to bore you. (Boredom makes people sleepy!)

The story should be interesting enough to distract you from negative thinking but boring enough to help you fall asleep. That is the sweet spot of anything you want to do to help yourself fall asleep. You want it to be interesting enough to distract your mind from the anxiety. Depending on how high the anxiety is, is how engaging it has to be. Engaging enough to take your mind off the anxiety and boring enough to allow you to sleep.

In summary,If you want help sleeping, stick to a routine, a relatively consistent bedtime and a relatively consistent wake-up time will enhance overall wellness. You'll do whatever you want anyway, but maybe this episode will spark you to think about prioritizing sleep in your life.

Many people tell me they have trouble falling asleep at night, and when I learn how much they sleep, I end up hearing that they do sleep eight hours. They're just going to bed late, and then they end up sleeping late into the morning. They're frustrated because they want to go to bed earlier, but when they do, they sit in bed for a couple of hours. Then, once they fall asleep, they're sleeping eight hours. So when they try to go to sleep earlier the next night, their body doesn't need it yet.

Consequently, they're sitting in bed for hours that next night and the same thing happens again. Unfortunately, sitting in bed for hours when you have a propensity for negative thoughts is the worst thing you can do. Instead, it would be best if you went to bed tired. That means that when you're trying to change your sleep routine to, going to bed earlier is not the course of action.

Instead, plan to wake up earlier for a couple of days. It would be best if you were sleep deprived in order to change your bedtime to earlier. This is the biggest mistake people make in their bedtime routine. They try to go to bed earlier, but when they can't, they sleep in because they need sleep. And the next night, the same thing happens, and they think they have insomnia. They don't have insomnia. They're just on a different sleep schedule, but they're trying to change it by going to bed earlier instead of waking up earlier. Changing your sleep schedule by waking up early will take a couple of days for you to adjust to, just like if you have jet lag.

All too often people who struggle with anxiety and depression isolate themselves. If they have a switched bedtime (sleeping during the day and being awake at night), it is not good. That enhances isolation and is more problematic. Change your sleeping to at night, please, as soon as you can!

If you sleep during the day and you're like, "Well, I want to sleep at night now," and you try to go to bed at night, but you just woke up at five and you're trying to go to bed at 10 pm, it's not going to work. You've only been up five hours. Your body is ready to stay up all night again. You need to start waking up earlier in the day. And then and only then can you go to bed early at night.

Naps

Also, try not to nap. If you're trying to improve your sleep routine, try not to nap because you'll have trouble sleeping at night. People don't even realize. They lament, "I can't sleep; I'm there for hours," but they've napped!

Napping is not always a problem, but if you're struggling to fall asleep, don't nap. If you love naps and they work for you, and you take a speed nap, and you're recovered and sleeping at night okay, it's fine. I 100% love the nap for you. Keep it.

But if you're struggling to fall asleep at night, nix the naps. Also, nix the screens around your bed. I know. I just said that you could listen to a story or you could read, but if you're struggling, this is one challenge that you could make for yourself, to not have your phone in your bed.

Scrolling on social media keeps people awake and keeps negativity in your head. The longer they spend on screens, the more anxiety and depression teenagers have (and probably adults have). It harms all of us.

The blue light emitted by the screens decreases melatonin production because blue light is middle-of-the-day light. When you're looking at your screens, your brain is getting the signal, don't send out melatonin. Melatonin is a hormone to help you sleep. Your brain's like, "Don't put out the melatonin because it's the middle of the day."

Alternately, red light is morning and evening light. You know how photographers take pictures in that dusk time where there's that perfect light (the golden hour) when the sun is low and it's just really great light? That's the red light. Red light signals the body that it is almost time to rest. That's red light versus blue light. One tip also, and I put some more in the book, but one other tip is to keep your bedroom cooled down. If it's between 60 and 68°F, it's good for stimulating melatonin.

A couple more resources for you

Many of these tips I got from Change Your Schedule, Change Your Life: How to Harness the Power of Clock Genes to Lose Weight, Optimize Your Workout, and Finally Get a Good Night's Sleep by Dr. Suhas Kshirsagar.

Also, I have a breathing video that may help you too. In it, you inhale for five, hold for five, exhale for five, and take two regular breaths. There's a visual guide to help you practice. That is a great way to calm your nervous system down. When you are in danger, you breathe into your upper chest. Your body is attempting to get oxygen to your large muscle groups quickly to survive.

When you breathe low into your body and very deep and slow, you're communicating to your brain that you're okay. That's why breathing is so often a remedy for anxiety because it instigates your parasympathetic nervous system, telling it that you're okay, releasing the GABA hormone, and putting the brakes on the adrenaline.

The last resource is my video, "How To Clear Your Mind at Night." In it, I explain how to think about something benign, like taking a tour of a room from memory, your best friend's house, or your grandparent's house. Think about the last show you watched and watch it again in your head in sequence, if you can. Or you can plan a birthday party or even design something in your mind. Again, the sweet spot is engaging enough to distract yourself from the anxiety but boring enough to help you fall asleep.

You need downtime, integration time, and restoration time.

Your body needs more rest than sleeping. Everybody needs downtime. You need downtime, integration time, and restoration time. So let's think about what those three are. Downtime is when you can let go of control. It is a respite from making decisions and taking care of other people. That's downtime. You might do something for yourself, like take a bath, swim, walk, or sit on the couch reading.

Integration is the time to process an event or experience. It is if something happens or you need to process it. You can discuss it with a friend. You might think, discern, evaluate, or access. It is time and space to make meaning around what happened to you. Integration time can be rest time because to do it, you are taking a break from your routine. In many ways, it can be similar to downtime. It's time for your body to do what it needs to do. You don't have to make it do something, but rather allow your body and brain to recover how it needs to.

Restoration is a recovery time from something intense. For example, empathic people may get worn out in social situations and need some time to restore themselves and recoop their energy.

Burnout Recovery

A couple of episodes ago, I shared that you need two things when burnt out. These two things help you recover from burnout. One is respite. Respite means resting. Taking a break is crucial in recovery from burnout. The other one is receiving an acknowledgment. This can be validation, a compliment, attention, or appreciation. Some form of acknowledgment from another person invigorates you and helps you recover from burnout. So respite and acknowledgment. You need this restoration time, especially after arduous tasks, intense social experiences like arguing with somebody, or any other hard or traumatic time. You want your body to do what it needs to do to heal and need the space to do that.

Conscious rest

When you have anxiety, leaving yourself space is hard because you're worried that anxiety will take that space. An idle mind is a place for anxiety to come on in and come on in strong. So what do you do? You need to rest, but you don't want to be idle. Conscious rest is not idleness. You rarely get bored with conscious rest because you're doing something to restore, feed, and fuel yourself.

The truth about the Netflix binge

It could be reading, and maybe it is even a Netflix binge. If you're consciously choosing a Netflix binge to recover, let your mind go, or not have to work very hard to rest, then it's productive time. If you're doing a Netflix binge because you're avoiding doing some work or you just don't have the energy to get your day going or procrastinate, it's not restful. You're resting but not getting the benefits from that rest because you're judging yourself. You'll feel lazy, bad, and overwhelmed by what you still have to do. The same activity, a Netflix binge, can be productive or harmful, depending on your intentions. It's destructive, mainly because you're going to judge yourself negatively. That's the most considerable harm we inflict on ourselves anyway. However, when you plan, you allow for this rest and downtime; there should be no guilt.

No judgment.

Many people feel guilty about their bodies needing rest. Not helpful. If you feel guilty about resting when your body asks for it, you're not restoring yourself. Alternately some people are procrastinating and can't get themselves up and going, and then they judge themself and stay immobile instead of saying, Hey, I don't want this; I want to do something else.

Remember, guilt is an invitation. It's not an invitation to be immobilized; it's an invitation to take action if you want to take action. For example, in times when you have nothing to do, like when you are on break, it's easy not to have a plan and then feel horrible about a day in bed, watching videos and doing nothing. You may regret that you wasted that day, which is not helpful. It makes you feel bad about yourself and often less motivated to pivot to being productive later in the day. But if you intentionally had planned to relax until 2 pm doing nothing because you are on break, then, when you are done, you are in a better head-space to enjoy what you have to do in the afternoon because you will feel replenished and good about yourself.

Well, that's it. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Thank you for listening, commenting, and leaving me five stars on Apple Podcasts. That is so helpful. I can't even tell you enough how useful it is to get this podcast into the ears of more people who need it. In this episode, we talked about why people need sleep, how to get a good night's sleep, and how to include downtime into your day. Thank you for listening to this podcast, Anxiety, I'm So Done With You! with me, Dr. Jodi. We're getting ready for episode six, Prioritize a Higher Purpose. Until then, read that section of the book and come on and hang out with me on YouTube and TikTok @DoctorJodi.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

5:4 - Prioritize Whole Nourishment

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 5 Aug 2023 23:11:58 +0000

Welcome to Season 5, Episode 4, which accompanies Chapter 5, Section 4, “Whole Nourishment.” In this episode, I discuss:

🍏 the various things you can consume

🍨 how to consciously choose what you consume

🥑 how to say yes to what you bring into your body

Humans consume more than just food, including media, substances, stories, toxins, energy, color, sounds, and more. This episode invites you to be conscious and empowered about what you have control over coming into your body to help robust-ify you to handle it better when exposed to the things you can’t.

Food is especially discussed in this episode since humans have wonky relationships with it, especially in the U.S. Many people don’t know what eating healthy looks like, and many don’t have the energy or resources to secure nutritious food.

“If you are on that bandwagon of trying to encourage people to LOVE our bodies in all shapes and sizes, and I hope you are, make sure your inner beliefs match that intention. And if they don't, work on it! Because the incongruency of that will hurt you. Those beliefs that you're not good enough unless you're thin hurt you, even if outwardly you're like, "Nope, I know that that's ridiculous, and that's harmful, and I don't want to fat-shame or body shame myself." Make sure you actually aren’t!” - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

You can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Survival Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

S5 Episode 4 - Prioritize Whole Nourishment Transcript

Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is Season 5 of the "Anxiety, I'm So Done With You" podcast. This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to Ditching Toxic Stress and Hardwiring Your Brain for Happiness. If you're new here, grab a copy of my book, Anxiety, I'm So Done With You! because this series is going section by section through it, going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. This season follows Chapter 5, "Self-Care is the New Health Care." This book promises to 'hardwire your brain for happiness.' This season I deliver on that promise. We focus on seven essential happiness-generating habits, contexts, activities, and practices for you to incorporate into your life to stay healthy, positive, and resilient to whatever life throws your way.

Welcome to this Episode 4: Prioritize Whole Nourishment.

We are talking about whole nourishment, prioritizing whole nourishment, in this episode. And we're going to talk about more than just food because you put other things into your body to nourish it in order to help it thrive and grow strong and sustain good energy in yourself. Food is a biggie, and of course, we'll talk about food in this episode, but there's energy that you surround yourself with. There are

substances and chemicals that you interact with
topics that you think about in your head or in conversations around you
people who uplift you and who tear you down
many things that you bring into your bodies

I'm talking about all those bodies again: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. It's necessary to nourish all of your bodies. This will be a very short episode. It's a concise section of the book, too. This is because I only cover some things about food. There is so much I could talk about, but other people do that. They do an excellent job teaching about food, emotional eating, loving your body, and being conscious of your inputs.

Fortunately, there's a vast movement to resist body shame and to love our bodies more robustly. I'm in love with that movement that's going on. It's like a backlash to the decade of social media that encouraged negative self-judgment.

If you are on that bandwagon of trying to encourage people to LOVE their bodies in all shapes and sizes, and I hope you are, make sure your inner beliefs match that intention. And if they don't, work on it! Because the incongruency of that will hurt you. Those beliefs that you're not good enough unless you're thin? They hurt you, even if outwardly you're like, "Nope, I know that that's ridiculous, harmful, and I don't want to fat shame myself or body shame myself." Make sure you actually aren't. In Western society, we have been encultured to have shabby body images and to judge ourselves for our appearance critically. We don't even notice it because it's integrated. As much as you want to protest that and not do it, inside, you may still be negatively self-judging. Bring that out to the surface so you can consciously override it and then put how you want to relate to yourself and how you want to think of yourself into your internal belief system.

When you think about loving your body and appreciating your body, the choices that you make about what you put into your body, food and etcetera, everything else, will be for your highest good. Say, ninety percent of what you bring into your body is nourishing, and the rest is not. When you are conscious about the 90%, and even more importantly, when you are as conscious as you can be about the 10%, your body will be robust enough to process the rest without too much detriment to you.

Of course, sometimes life hands us something that's not nourishing for us, an experience, person, or interaction. When we consistently take mostly nourishing things into ourselves, that negativity will be easier to process. And when our body is healthy, the emotional and mental things will be easier to process. If we keep ourselves healthy mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, that will assist us in processing negativity. Try to think about it in terms of ratio. The more conscious you are about what you bring in, the more bandwidth you'll have to handle any challenges that come your way. Everybody has challenges that come their way! Thus is the world, and this is life. We have challenges that come our way. Our environment contains toxins and complex energies in the people around us that we can't control.

Eating Whole Food

So food. The best thing is to choose whole foods, which is something that is close to the original form (how it grew or how it is in nature). The least processed is better. Look at your food. Is it broken down and mixed with a lot of other things and chemicals that you can't even pronounce? Or is it mostly what it is and what it is with only one or two ingredients? Read labels. Knowing what you are eating is essential.

There's a lot of information online about whole-eating and anti-inflammatory diet plans. It is important not to approach an eating plan as a "weight loss diet." Or trying to punish your body because they're not "as nice as we want them to be," or something. That is unsustainable. Instead, think about your body as a temple and imagine saying yes to everything you consciously consume. When a challenge comes in, process it consciously, you can handle it so much better from that position of empowerment. (You may not always have those opportunities to decline a challenge, but occasionally we do.)

And, if for any reason you're choosing to eat something that's not whole, say YES to it. Please don't feel guilty for eating it because then you are swallowing the guilt along with it. Try to have the vast majority of what you take in be something you are consciously choosing and saying yes to because that energy and that emotion will be digested along with that food.

Bring into your mind the Formula to Happiness. It applies to so many things in life, doesn't it? You want to take in the things that bring you joy, lift you up, nourish you, or help your body grow and heal. You want to eliminate the items in your life that make you suffer, make your body decompensate, make your body have to work harder than it should, or take any toxins in if you can. Get those out. You can't eliminate them 100%, but your effort will make a difference (you're not trying to have anything close to perfection in any of the things I suggest.)

The formula for happiness: take in the stuff that's nourishing and harmonizing. Get rid of the stuff, or choose not to have the stuff that breaks you down or harms you. And practice that every day. Make empowered choices every chance you can. That includes substances. I won't get on my soapbox about substances (drugs), but you know what they are and what they do to your body. You know this. And you may be denying them because you want to use them, but you know things that are not good for your body. When you indulge in substances, your mind knows you're making choices against you. If you're vaping, drinking, smoking, or whatever you're doing, your body knows that you're making those choices against itself.

And yes, it could come up with all kinds of excuses why that's okay. And it also might come up with the excuse that it's helping you feel better. But overall, it creates a relationship that you feel bad when you're not using them. You may feel like they make you feel better, but they've made you feel bad in the first place. Plus, they cover up us being able to learn how to process our feelings. Some people spend years not processing their feelings, making it harder to stop using. Then they have to go back and process all of those feelings that they medicated themselves out of having.

Some research points to pot being natural and good for you, but you have to have a critical eye on who is paying for the research to see if it is objective or biased. These research studies show the harm of it.

Effects of Marijuana on Teenage Brains from the CDC.

Is marijuana addictive?

Well, I didn't have many notes on this episode. I just thought I'd shoot from the hip a little bit because it's something I think about a lot: What I take in my body, what I breathe, what chemicals I use in my cleaners, in the house, how I function in the world, and the choices that I make to have as much as I can around me that nourishes my body. I have plants in the house to give me that oxygen and eat up all the carbon dioxide I exhale. I open the windows when I can when the air is good quality, and I like to have filtered water to drink. All of these choices that I make help because I can't control everything that I interact with. I can only control some things if I make intentional decisions of what I take in; it makes a huge difference to how I handle the rest of the world.

Food. Food is a biggie in our culture. It is often the centerpiece of everything that we do. Our body and appearance are also central to everything that we do. So this is a tricky subject for us; many of us have issues with our body and our relationship with food. This can be fixed. You can fix your relationship with food. And you can fix your relationship with your body.

Let this episode be an invitation to do so. I will put some resources in the blog post that goes with this episode for you to start to see where to find help if this is a problem for you. And I encourage you. Consuming is something that you do every day. You're in your body every day; food is something you do every day. If this is a problem for you, if you struggle at all, if you struggle with an eating disorder, if you struggle or feel bad about how you look, if you overeat, under-eat, emotionally eat, whatever you do, there is a way to fix that. And "fix" sounds a little bit like "good and bad" or "black and white thinking." I don't like that word. There is a way to CHANGE your relationship with your body and with food. (That's better!) So I encourage you to do that. This is just an invitation.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Anxiety, I Am So Done With You with me, Dr. Jodi. Thank you so much for subscribing, commenting, and leaving me five stars on Apple Podcasts. I need those five stars, people because that's really going to get this podcast in the ears of people who need it. And I look forward to seeing you in the next episode, but in the meantime, catch me on TikTok and YouTube @DoctorJodi. The next episode is Prioritize Rest. We're really getting up there, aren't we? This is episode five of season five. We are almost done. But rest is a biggie. I'm kind of thinking that I want a silent episode for 15 minutes––just silence so you can rest because your poor mind needs rest. It's sometimes hard for people to rest because a quiet mind can be scary. I'll give you some tips on handling that so you can rest but not have an empty mind for anxiety to hijack. So read that section, and I'll see you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

5:3 - Prioritize Movement

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Fri, 4 Aug 2023 12:46:59 +0000

Welcome to Season 5, Episode 3, which accompanies Chapter 5, Section 3, “Prioritize Movement.” In this episode, I

tell you why I use the word movement instead of exercise.
share why movement is a win, win, win, win, win endeavor.
go over the benefits of movement, and then
give you a list of some movements that you can engage in that are really fun.

The fact that movement is essential for overall wellness is not new. We all know it is. Some of you take that to heart, and others are still too sedentary for optimal health. Hopefully, this episode will motivate you to do something about that.

Your body was designed to move. However, we don’t need to move to survive like our ancestors. This means we must add movement to our daily life to keep us healthy. Healthy means happy. This episode will inspire you to add consistent practices into your life to get stronger, live longer, feel more energy, and stand straighter. Your current self will build confidence, calmness, and clarity, too! Your future self will love that you made this commitment.

“Unfortunately, humans are moving less than they did in past generations because there are fewer activities we have to do to survive in this world. Modern conveniences help us do many chores, so we move less. In human history, much of our movement was taking care of the things we needed to survive, communicate, travel, look for food, and hunt. We had to use movement to do whatever we had to do. Now we have to put movement into our day because our body is meant to move.” - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

You can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Survival Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Season 5 Episode 3 - Prioritize Movement transcript

Hey, everybody. Welcome to this episode of "Anxiety... I'm So Done With You!" It's a podcast. It's a book. It's both. We are in Season 5 now, Episode 3. We're talking about prioritizing movement. In this episode, I

tell you why I use the word movement instead of exercise.
share why movement is a win, win, win, win, win endeavor.
go over the benefits of movement, and then
give you a list of some movements that you can engage in that are really fun.

Well, I think so, anyway. And hopefully, I will convince you.

So this season is an extemporaneous podcast, so I am doing the video live, swiping the audio, and putting it up to the podcast, so it's a little bit messier, but hopefully, you're going to get everything that you want out of the episode. I'm going to be as concise as possible so you can get what you need and go on to living your best, awesome life. All right.

We have many attachments to the word exercise. People often think about exercise as if it is an obligation. Some of you might have a positive connotation to exercise. You know how good it makes you feel. You love doing it. Or, you participate in a sport, you're with other people. You have a lot of good experiences with exercise. Other people have more of a negative connotation to exercise, like they think it's something that they have to do or they're lazy for not doing it. There are all kinds of things that we think about when we use the word "exercise." But "movement" is a whole other thing altogether because movement is just a description of something that moves.

You are something that moves. Your body moves in all many directions. And you can do so many movements that will benefit you. Some that you may not have considered as exercise before. But I lump it in because movement is movement. Your body was made to move. The most important thing to remember here is that your body was made to move. And so, we need to incorporate movement into our daily lives.

Unfortunately, humans are moving less than they did in past generations because there are fewer activities that we have to do to survive in this world right now. Modern conveniences help us do many chores, and so we move less. In human history, a lot of our movement was taking care of the things that we needed to take care of, survive, communicate, travel, look for food, and hunt. Whatever we had to do, we had to use movement to do it. Now we have to put movement into our day because our body is meant to move. When it doesn't move, it begins to shut down over time, especially if we're sitting in kind of a hunched position. If we're sitting in that kind of position, we're crushing all of our vital organs inside our abdomen. It doesn't feel very good for a long period of time to sit in that position. However, we rarely link that discomfort and exhaustion to sitting, and we sit more. The discomfort and exhaustion make us worry that something is wrong with us. There's some truth to that.

In fact, many studies say that if you sit for extended periods and don't get up and move around, you die earlier. And that makes a lot of sense because your organs are smushed. They're not receiving that vital energy or oxygen flow through them. Unable to function at their high level, they begin to die off. I don't mean tomorrow but over your lifespan. If you're a young person, that might not trigger you yet, you're not worried if you die at 80 or 88, but when you're 80, you will want those extra eight years. Adding movement into your day will help extend that time for yourself.

The word "Movement" holds fewer attachments.

Movement benefits the body, whether it is linear or non-linear. Linear movement is like walking or running. It's back and forth, back and forth. It's more symmetrical, so you only get the front and the back of your muscles. The same sets of muscles are triggered for that back and forth, so they build up—non-linear movement in all different directions. If you walk on a straight path, you'd have linear movement. When you walk in a path in the woods, and you are up and down and around stumps and those kinds of things, that would be non-linear movement. There are different ways that you're moving.

Non-linear movement is better for your brain, keeping it healthy longer. One of the best activities for people who are growing older is ballroom dancing because it's non-linear. Their brain has to think about movement in all different ways, and it not only helps them physically and it does, it does help them physically, but it helps them mentally. It keeps them mentally sharp, and that extends their life. Try to add a movement practice and incorporate non-linear movement into your routine. Linear movement is great; it's fine; it's walking. But try to incorporate dancing, hiking, or playing different sports that have your body moving all different ways, utilizing all the muscles and joints. Even if you're doing an exercise routine, like with weights, try also to use the weights in a non-linear way as well, like carrying them or putting them around your head in an "around the world' move.

Movement is a win, win, win, win, win endeavor.

Exercise helps physically and mentally, which takes us to my next point: exercise is a win, win, win, win, win endeavor. You know, win-win? That means everybody wins. Well? All movement is so great that it helps you win in five areas. In the book, I list four - physical, mental, relational, and emotional - but I will add spiritual here because the realms of your person, or the realms of your body, are physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual, so it needs to be included. Plus, relational because it's really pertinent.

Physical Benefits

The first way exercise benefits you is physical. When you exercise, you're putting endorphins and amino acids into your brain, giving you energy. Over time, this energy helps you feel happier and healthier. It builds your muscle, and when you build your muscles, your metabolism increases so it's easier to stay fit and feel energized. And also, it helps improve your cardiovascular system, which helps your heart live longer. Another benefit from having your muscles very strong is that your bones stay really strong. When you lift weights, your bones get very strong, and when your bones are stronger, you have less chance of osteoporosis when you're older, and you stay healthier longer. You have fewer broken bones, inflammation, and infections.

And I know, again, you're young, and you're not thinking of how do I keep myself healthy later? Listen, I'm using those markers of the fact that it helps you live longer and prevents problems later in life to let you see that it's healthier now. The benefits now are a little more ethereal. They're not tangible, you can't see them as much, but you probably can feel them because it affects everything else when you are stronger physically.

Mentally, Emotional, and Spiritual Benefits

You are getting stronger mentally whenever you commit to a movement practice and follow up on that commitment. You're building that trust in yourself, and you're building that confidence in yourself. Emotionally, it's going to decrease your anxiety and depression. There are a lot of different reasons for this. One is that frequently, when we're doing a movement practice, we're with other people, which helps. That's the more relational realm. When we're with other people or playing on a team sport, we have communal goals, or we have a connection with other people in that process. Like if we're dancing, we might be dancing with somebody else.

And then spiritual. Spiritual is a little bit of everything. When we feel stronger physically, we can engage more readily in our lifepurpose. When we have confidence in ourselves, again, it's the same thing. We feel connected and supported by the world around us, and that gives us a spiritual lift. When we feel well emotionally and not so scared, we feel connected. And relationally, we feel connected to a higher power perhaps, nature and each other. And that gives us a boost spiritually. So it's win, win, win, win, win. Five wins here! Physical, mental, relational, emotional, and spiritual.

Movement Practice Ideas

So let's talk about a list of possible movements. (And I'm just shooting from the hip here. I don't have these listed in front of me.) Firstly, have you heard of shaking? Every other mammal after they've been triggered with their sympathetic nervous system like they had a scare? For example, after being chased by a predator. Animals shake after a chase to release the adrenaline from their body. And so now people have started, it might be considered a yoga practice, but it's a little bit separate or, aside from that, a shaking practice. People shake different parts of their body or their whole body to release tension held inside it. That's an enjoyable practice. You could look up some YouTube videos, and I'll put some in the blog post that goes along with this episode, link in the show notes, and you could do that.

Also, laughing yoga is very, very popular and is also a way to get out emotions. Another activity is dancing, either in a class or by yourself at home. Any kind of movement is excellent, running, hula hooping, hiking, walking, and swimming. Make sure some of it is non-linear movement! Lifting weights is very important for your bones, and cardiovascular exercise is good for the heart. Cardio exercise is an aerobic exercise, meaning that you're exercising just enough to raise your heart rate so that your heart and lungs can keep the oxygen going to your muscles during the exercise. While it does burn calories, it is a work out for your heart muscles and builds your endurance. When you're out of shape, your endurance is lower. And as you build up the endurance, your endurance is higher, and you can sustain that higher heart rate longer. Also, your body needs less high of a heart rate to maintain that exercise as you get in shape. And that's why it's good for the heart muscle. So those cardio exercises are very important to keep your heart muscle happy. And the strength training is really good for those bones.

Anaerobic, for example, weight lifting, means that you cannot keep up with the oxygen needs of the muscles, and they begin to burn. The burning is a build-up of lactic acid. When you weight lift, you tear the muscles, and they grow back stronger and bigger.

When you're out of shape, your endurance is lower. And as you build up your endurance, your endurance is higher, and you can sustain that higher heart rate longer. Also, your body needs less high of a heart rate to maintain that exercise as you get in shape. And that's why it's good for the heart muscle. So those cardio exercises are critical to keep your heart muscle happy. And the strength training is good for those bones.

Movement keeps you feeling good and vital, invigorated, happy, and proud of yourself, which is why it is essential to incorporate some kind of movement into your day. I love walks. I know walks aren't strength training, nor are they cardio, unless I'm going really quickly up a hill, and I try to do that as much as I can. This means I have to also get some cardio and weight training into my routine.

Unfortunately, I stopped exercising when I was in my doctorate program, but I'm just on the edge of getting back to that! In fact, I started a new exercise routine today, so it's perfect that I'm also recording this podcast today. So I'm with you!

More resources than ever

If you're trying to commit to doing something different, it is so easy today because people have Fitbits or Apple watches or something that keeps track of what they're doing. They can track in an app what kind of exercise they do, and keeping track of that helps them stay committed to it.

There are also many exercise videos out there, and some are labeled that they're energy-giving exercises, which I like. One is that you lift yourself up on your toes and put your arms up and down. I'll link to that one in there because it's one of my favorites. It's a whole-body exercise, but it's easy to do. You count that many reps, a task is done, and you get it off your to-do list, plus you feel completely different. Start slow, adding movement to your day, and see if it transforms your entire life. Because I bet you it will.

Having a good posture will change your life.

I want to add here something about posture. Bad posture is a huge problem in the world today. It accompanies sitting or looking at our phones all day and leaning forward. The whole generation of young people and people of my age and all ages are getting increasingly hunched over because we're doing this. We're sitting a lot, and we're looking down at our computers and our phones.

Again, there are so many resources on TikTok to undo that habit of hunching over. They show stretches or movements to help you stand up straighter. Practicing these will contribute to overall health and wellness because your neck and your head will feel better. Your vagus nerve will function better, energizing you during your day.

When positioning your head correctly, think about a string pulling up from the top back of your head. Most people in the U.S. have their heads much more forward than they're supposed to be, putting a lot of weight on the neck muscle. That's why people get headaches so often. So you want to tuck your chin in and back and pull the back of your head up, and then you can have your head on the top of your spinal cord. Try it when you're standing and walking. But also be aware of it when you're sitting. When you're sitting, your hips should be above your knees so that you can "stand up" in your torso. Right? From your sits bones and bottom all the way up, you're sitting on your sitz bones instead of curled over, sitting hunched over in a chair when all your organs are getting smushed. So when you're in a chair, if your hips are above your knees, like I said, and you're "standing up" (sitting upright) in your seat, your organs have enough room to breathe. They have the same amount of space that they have if you're actually standing up. That will keep you healthy, which translates to happier.

P.S. If you widen your legs, you can sit up a little bit straighter, and that should help as well.

Posture when lying down.

Don't curl your body up in a little ball when you are lying down. It's the same problem. You'll spend a lot of time of your day curled in a ball. (1/3 of your life!) When sleeping, ensure your head is aligned with your spine. Put a pillow between your legs or under your arm if you're lying on your side to keep you straight to keep your spine in neutral. Hopefully, it'll help you sleep better (a bonus!), but it'll make you feel much better during the day if you use those precautions.

Well, thank you so much for joining this episode. We went over the word movement versus exercise. We talked about how movement is a win, win, win, win, win endeavor. We reviewed some of the benefits of exercise and the types of movements you can engage in. And I added a little discussion about posture.

Thank you so much for listening to this podcast, "Anxiety, I'm So Done With You!" with me, Dr. Jodi. Please comment and share and leave me five stars on Apple Podcasts. I really appreciate you. And until the next episode, please hang out with me on TikTok and YouTube at Dr. Jodi. The next thing to prioritize is nourishment: Whole nourishment. Read chapter five, section four, and I'll see you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

5:2 - Prioritize Energizing Surroundings

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Thu, 3 Aug 2023 19:25:03 +0000

Welcome to Season 5, Episode 2, which accompanies Chapter 5, Section 2, “Prioritize Energizing Surrounding.” In this episode, I discuss:

clearing clutter
using colors to change your mood
allowing energy to flow, and
enjoying nature.

You will love this episode because we will connect the space around you to your mental well-being in a way that helps you maximize it in your favor. Learn why it is important to clear extra clutter (because it pulls you down.) Then, get inspired to use colors to express and alter your mood, get energy flowing, and spend time in nature.

Colors can also be an essential way to surround yourself with happy energy. Bright colors can be cheerful, whites may feel sterile, and blues can be calming. Another way to have an active energy flow is to move things around. Even when you don't get rid of items, use the decor in your house to express the intentions you have for your life. Change this when intentions and focuses change. Lastly, ensure you get time in nature since there is nothing else that is as transformative.

“It's hard to get organized and feel safe when you have excessive clutter. And so you attach to things, pull things into you, and keep things and can't get rid of them. When you relax your mind, automatically, you start letting go of items in your physical space. And if you clear your physical space, it has the same effect of helping your mind clear as well. In this episode, we'll focus on ways to clear the clutter in your physical space because that will positively impact your emotional wellness.” - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

You can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Survival Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Season 5 Episode 2 - Prioritize Energizing Surroundings transcript

Welcome to Episode 2 of Season 5. Prioritizing Energizing Surroundings.

We're talking about your physical space. What you have around you in your physical space reflects what is in your mind. Also, what's in your mind gets reflected around you. People who have a cluttered mind often have cluttered physical surroundings. Their home, room, bag, or whatever it is, reflects their mind. It works both ways. Sometimes a cluttered house creates that cluttered mind, and sometimes that cluttered mind creates that cluttered room.

It does that because it's hard to get organized and feel safe when you have so much clutter. And so you attach to things, pull things into you, and keep things and can't get rid of them. When you relax your mind, automatically, you start letting go of items in your physical space. And if you clear your physical space, it has the same effect of helping your mind clear as well. In this episode, we'll focus on ways to clear the clutter in your physical space because that will positively impact your emotional wellness.

How many of you have spent energy thinking about or trying to clear your clutter? You may have heard somewhere that clearing clutter helps or you may look around and be like, "Ah, this is overwhelming. I want to get rid of stuff." This is the thing: everything that we have, every physical item that we have in our home or in a room or in our bag or on our person, has an energy attachment to it. That means it takes up a little bit of energy space in our system, in the energy system of our body. And I didn't say "of our body" at first because it's beyond the body, more like the mind (consciousness). It's about our energetic bandwidth.

All of the little things you have, even those scraps of old receipts that are crumpled and you can't even read them because they're faded so much, every single thing takes up some of your energy bandwidth. We don't want to do that anymore. That wastes energy that you could be putting towards something that you want to do. And this isn't woo-woo; this is real science. Studies that were conducted in California, (The Science Behind DeCluttering) discovered that the more cluttered a house is, the more cortisol the family has (the family who lives in the house, even the children).

As you might suspect, the female head of the household has significantly more cortisol than the rest of the family when a house is cluttered. So the more clutter, the more cortisol. Cortisol is a stress hormone. We don't want more cortisol when we don't need it. We want it when we need it. Right? We want cortisol when we need to protect ourselves or save ourselves in a dangerous situation. We don't want it because there's clutter around.

There's been a phenomenon with the Netflix series Marie Kondo. Marie Kondo is a Feng Shui expert https://konmari.com/ from a Netflix series. On the show, families invited her into their homes to help them clear their clutter. And she's just a really beautiful human being. If you watch any of her shows, you really feel that just gorgeous energy about her because she's grateful for everything. She's grateful for everything! And it comes out in her personality. Marie Kondo encourages families with a specific exercise when getting rid of stuff: to thank that object. So say they were trying to go through their clothes and get rid of old clothes. Every single item that they decide to get rid of, they thank it for participating in their life. So a closure ritual happens with each thing as that energy detaches. It's so beautiful. You have to watch it.

When you decide what to keep, what to give away, what to get rid of, she has you hold each object and feel if it's life-giving to you or if it feels like it's zapping your energy and taking away from you. This interests me because I believe that we are all naturally intuitive. We all can read our energy and read the energy of people around us. Some of us are more sensitive to others, and people can build that skill. (BTW, I teach people intuition. I have some adult and teen intuition training classes on my website). But she has you feel it. So you're building your skills and your sensitivity in ways that could help you.

Many of us are sensitive.

This means we feel other people's energy, positive and negative. When it is negative, it affects us by stressing us out. However, we can block it out. (I also teach people how to block it.)

So, Marie Kondo has you hold the object and feel if it gives you, or zaps, your energy. So that's the question. Does it bring you joy or pull you down? I invite you to do this exercise with everything around you. Sometimes your stuff is nice, and you want it, but it zaps your energy. When that happens, give it to somebody else that it might uplift.

And listen, if people give you gifts - this is the myth, really - if people give you gifts, often you think you have to keep that because "somebody gave it to you." Okay, some things are special, work for you, and feel good to you. Keep those. Sometimes people miss what would work for you. They're not great gift-givers. They may have great intentions and they might be beautiful people and they may, you know, really be thoughtful about the gifts that they give you, but it's not something you would want to keep. You can get rid of it. It is not your responsibility to keep something that somebody gave you. You could keep it for a while or do something else with it or give it away. However, please don't keep items that drain your energy just because someone gave it to you. Someone else might like it.

In an old blog post, I delineated eight tips for clearing clutter that I have used for 20 years to keep my house uncluttered.

And it is a funny day to do this episode, to be recording it, because many of you know, my dad just passed away, and we've been cleaning his apartment. And so right now, my office is unusually and significantly cluttered.

8 Tips for Clearing Clutter

1. Touch things once.

When mail comes in, don't stick it in a pile. (Many of you are young, and you're like, "What? I never get anything in the mail." But if you are an adult listening to this, or if you're a teenager, an emerging adult, you are starting to get mail because you are participating in all of these things and you end up getting mail.) Touch it once. Open it, put the envelope in the recycling, and do what you need to do. If you have to pay a bill or if you have to answer somebody, do it right away. This practice keeps the stack of mail down.

When your stack of mail gets bigger and bigger, it can become overwhelming. We're just talking about mail as an example here, but it could be anything. Anything you bring in when you come in the house, for example, whatever you have in your bag. Touch things once in your bag, and put them where they're supposed to go. Have a place for everything and put things where they go. On the top of my stairs, I leave things that have to go downstairs, and on the bottom of my stairs, I leave things that have to go upstairs. So when I go up or down, I bring the items with me.

2 Two hands in, two hands out.

My brother-in-law worked for a restaurant, and that was a rule there. Anyone who went into the kitchen had to have two hands full of empty dishes. Anyone who came out of the kitchen had to have two hands full of plates to deliver to diners. And so "two hands in, two hands out." When I go up the stairs, I bring something up. When I go down, I bring something down. If I go to this side of the house, I bring something, that side, I bring something. One little thing at a time adds up, so I don't have to set aside time to clean the whole house. I'm constantly, as I'm doing other things, bringing things where they belong while I'm going to that corner of the house. Two hands in. Two hands out.

3 Do your dishes as you go along.

You can think of this metaphorically, or you could think of this literally. Do your actual dishes as you go along instead of saving them for days or saving them for a whole day when it is so much harder. Motivating yourself for a task is more energy when you've left it. This could also be a metaphor for other clutter. When you come home, put away everything that you brought with you right away. Empty your bags before you get lost doing something else. You'll feel better, clearer, and more organized. Being organized builds confidence.

If you leave a whole pile of stuff at the door and go in and get a snack and do whatever, later on, it's just going to be overwhelming. When you just do a little bit at a time, it's easier.

4 Complete projects.

When you start a project, it leaves an open window. It's like a tab open on your computer. And the more tabs that are open or the more apps that are open, the slower the system runs. It's the same. The more open circles you have in your mind, the slower you run, right? You're going to run inefficiently. It takes a lot of your bandwidth because you're attached to each of these open circles. Close some circles! Get them off your plate so that you have more energy for the things you want to do.

Some of those projects you want to do, and when you complete them, you feel good about them. Then you can celebrate yourself. This raises your self-esteem. It's a good idea to do close circles by completing projects.

5 Deliver right away.

Say you have something of your friend's. They left something at your house, and you want to return it to them. Give it to them quickly. When you pack a bag of clothes and things to donate, donate it right away. Don't leave it around to add to it. Deliver it and start a new one when you have more items to give away. There are bins where you could put clothes in many church parking lots. It doesn't matter if once a month you take a bag to one of these places; you don't have to wait six months to get five bags and then go. You can take one bag! When you do that, it'll give you the energy for the next task.

The more you do and the more you see what you've done. (I don't mean the more you do, like "Do! Do! Do! Do!" I'm not pro overworking, but when you accomplish something you've set off to accomplish, it gives you the energy for the next task. When you notice that, you'll see yourself as someone who accomplishes things. That's invigorating!

6 Let go of perfection.

Don't do everything. When it comes to clutter, don't think you have to do everything. If you did, it would decrease your chances of organizing until you have all the time in the world to do it perfectly. Perfect isn't real. Perfectionism hurts you. Don't try to do everything. Don't expect your room to be perfect. Just do one thing. You just want to do something. Use the "Two hands in, two hands out" practice. Do one thing and the next thing later. If you leave your room to go into the kitchen to get a snack, bring those empty plates from yesterday or from earlier this morning. Don't leave your room to go into the kitchen without bringing stuff from your room that goes into the kitchen.

Just do one thing. Your room won't be perfect. However, if you have this habit of always bringing stuff with you when you go, it stays manageable, organized, and uncluttered. Most importantly, it never gets overwhelmingly cluttered. When you decide that you're cleaning your room, it is so much easier. In summary, don't try to do everything. Let go of perfectionism. It does not serve you.

7 Limit the use of coupons.

People who were dealing with excess clutter, who had a lot of stuff, were often people who collected coupons. When you collect coupons, you buy things because of the deal, even when you don't need them.

You excuse the expense because you are "saving money," but all too often you spend money that you didn't need to spend. If I end up getting a deal on something I happen to already want to buy, that's great. But if I were attached to the idea of coupons, I would spend more money on things that I didn't need. They would clutter up my house, and I'd have to deal with them again later. So limit the use of coupons!

Coupons are a marketing tactic. The stores win; you do not win. They're getting you into the store, buying more stuff you don't need. If you're trying to clear your clutter, clear coupons. Coupons used to be paper, y'all. Now they're all electronic on your phone. And that's great that the paper is not adding to the clutter. It also can be great if you catch a sale on something you were buying anyway. Perfect. But, don't fall for buying stuff that you don't need.

8 Make recycling easy.

Many things can be recycled that are not recycled. Instead, people throw them into the garbage. When you make recycling easy for yourself, it will be easier. For example, we keep a paper bag in our closet that takes all the paper and cardboard recycling. That way, we don't have to walk out to our recycle bins with every little piece of paper.

Nor do we have to have these huge, dirty recycle bins in our kitchen. We just put it in that bag. It's easy and accessible; it's right there for us. We also have a plastic bag in the same cupboard where we put all the plastic bag recycling. In my city, we can't put that in our recycling bins. We have to take it to a retail store to drop it in that box outside the store that says plastic bag recycling.

It's worth it to me to take this step to avoid it going into a landfill. Once a month, I take it to the store when I'm going to the store anyway. It's merely a tiny effort since we have a system in place. Have a system for the other recycling, too (the cans, bottles, and all that kind of stuff), so you don't have to cross the house with every can or leave a big pile of cans in your kitchen. Make yourself a recycling system.

There you have it; the eight ways to clear clutter and keep it clear in your home.

The next thing I want to talk about in this episode is color. While I'm not an expert on colors, they are frequencies, literally. Frequencies are energy. Some frequencies are healing or harmonizing frequencies. Other frequencies are upsetting, like a loud, disruptive noise.

Beautiful melodies can calm the body, affecting us physically. Everything's a frequency. We can feel it. Our heartbeat, our very heartbeat. Right? Everything that goes on in our body, every object in the world, has a frequency. Bananas have a frequency, colors have a frequency, and apples have a frequency. Some are negative, like smoking, and damage your body.

Colors are frequencies too. There's a whole science of colors, and I am not an expert like I just said. So go ahead and look this up online! Some colors are calming, so they suggest putting them in different office buildings when that is the goal. Different colors have other effects. Bright colors are cheerful, blues are calming, and reds might evoke passion or other intense emotions. Colors do a lot. Think about how you can use that in your favor when deciding what you want to wear, what bedspread you want, the color of your room, or your bag. Anything that has color could affect you. And it's a way of expression.

We use color to express our gender and personality. When you have a room full of colors that go together, align, or are bright or calming, it makes a huge difference. Be intentional about color. Look up color's meanings, and have a lot of fun thinking about how color affects your mental health because it does. (Or your physical health) Use all the resources you possibly can. If you're choosing a color, why not make a choice that matters to you?

Colors affect people differently in various contexts. For example, I have red in my house. I love red. And, when I was first married, we had a red bedroom. Our whole bedroom was bright red. It was really funky. When people come into my house, they often speak of a physical and emotional response to the atmosphere in there––the energy in the house. There are a couple of reasons for that. One is that it is uncluttered, and nothing blocks anything else. The energy flows nicely. One of the things I do to keep energy in flow is by moving things around occasionally.

We used to tease my mom when we were little that she was a "rearrange-aholic" because so often, she liked to rearrange the furniture to see if she could make the room look a little bit better. So I grew up with that modeled to me–that feeling and sense of, "Hmm, what else could you do here?" I have good memories of that problem-solving, fun, or aesthetic interest in creating a more inviting or comfortable space with what I already had. My mom would do this all the time. And so I got this from her.

I move around, not always the big furniture, sometimes once in a while, but mostly the little knick knacks that are displayed at different places. I like to call them "tablescapes" or "counter or cabinet-scapes." Even the beds have a "bedscape," which is the way I decorate with pillows on the bed to make it look all balanced and pretty.

A tablescape is what you put on the coffee table. I often featured something, some symbolic or spiritual thing, intentionally centering it in the room. Sometimes I change it depending on the season, or life events. So if somebody in the family won an award at school or something, I might display it. If there's a holiday, obviously, that's going to affect the decor. I also have some altars around my house that I update and change frequently to keep the energy from stagnating. I'll put some resources in this blog post as well about how to create an altar for yourself.

Basically, everything, your whole house, can be considered an altar to good energy, happiness, or things that bring you joy. Think about that. Also, the jewelry or clothes you wear! Your body is a temple, so wouldn't your jewelry be a decoration on an altar of your higher self? How you want to express yourself in your house is the same, and your room and your bag, too.

Your bag? It can get really cluttered. It can get very, very cluttered. Try to maintain it. Keep it clean because it is an altar to your tasks, your school goals, your job, and other intentions. Think about everything as an altar to this life––to what's important to you. Photographs represent people you love or great memories. Symbols, like elephants, can represent things you want to bring into your life, like Divine Love. Do you have any elephants in your house? And what do they mean to you?

Move things around according to the season or to, what you're highlighting or what's important to you in the moment. If you are starting a new relationship or want one, you might put symbols of love around, like birds in pairs around or little hearts.

You could think about the season of the year, but also more than that. Think about what kind of season it is in your life. For example, my husband just retired, and we have the goodbye cards from his team hanging on our fridge and an award he just received on a shelf in the dining room. And, when my daughter graduated from high school, we had little mementos from her time in school displayed at different places around the house—that kind of thing.

We're almost done with this episode, but the last thing I wanted to mention is nature. When you're thinking about energizing surroundings, you want to make sure that you spend some time in nature. If you are in a city and you can't be outside, take some rocks inside your house. I have rocks under my desk that I could put my feet on. Or you can have plants because plants bring nature inside. They help you connect. You can breathe near the plants and talk to the plants. But I also spend a lot of time outside. If you're in an urban area, find some green space. There's usually green space somewhere in an urban metropolis, and hopefully, you have something near you, even if it's a little tree. When I spend some time in a city, a tree coming out of the sidewalk is where I make my daily gratitude offerings.

I offer a bit of water, tea, food, or a flower to the ground in the morning around gratitude or an intention for the day so that my gratitude and or intention blesses the Earth too. So everything I do, I would like to have that blessing overflow onto the Earth, my community, my family, and more. The practice helps me feel connected with my surroundings.

Also, when you walk in the woods, it can be altering. It's energetically altering for that day but over time it's sustainable because, if you often take walks like that, it becomes a touchstone for you. Then, you'll be able to connect with being in nature when you close your eyes. And it's so profoundly healing. They've done a lot of studies about being out in nature and the effects that that has. Find some time outside if you can!

I love looking at plants. There are so many different kinds. When I'm walking in a neighborhood, I look at what people have in their gardens and how they display plants outside. I'm fascinated by them. When I travel, the plants are so different from where I live. There are many textures, sizes, and colors. Even the green varies.

Take this as your invitation to relook at plants and see if they fascinate you when you look closer, just like they fascinate me because aesthetic beauty heals. Beauty is relative, so it depends on your tastes and your preferences. But if you're pleased, you heal. I will add to that invitation because I want you to look at your surroundings. Take a look at what you think is beautiful. You could look at plants and see if you fall in love with them like I do. But take a look all around your surroundings and see what it is you do like.

What gives you pleasure? What makes you say, "Wow, that is beautiful." If you're sitting and looking at water or sunset, or the sky, and it is beautiful, you are profoundly altered by that in positive ways. (It doesn't feel profound all the time. Sometimes it feels subtle.)

When you look at a sunset, you realize that the world is bigger than you. Your small problem seems smaller, and you might feel better and have more hope. Beauty brings us hope. It makes us feel worthy. It's interesting. You know, there are so many things outside of us that we reflect our worth to us. If you're looking at a sunset, you're might think, "How do I get so lucky to look at this beautiful thing?" It could be unconscious or conscious, but it can fill us up. We have the benefits of feeling that worthiness when we see something beautiful. So I offer that to you.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode about prioritizing energizing surroundings. I'm so glad that you're here with me and this podcast, "Anxiety, I'm So Done With You!"

Are you done with your anxiety? I hope you're feeling good now that we're bringing some happiness habits into your life. In this episode, we talked about

clearing your clutter
colors
moving things around, and
enjoying nature.

Get ready for Episode 3: Prioritizing Movement. I got a lot for you there. In the meantime, subscribe to my channel. Leave me a comment, and leave me five stars on Apple Podcasts. And please hang out with me on YouTube and TikTok @doctorjodi. Check out the blog post for this episode with more resources for you. You can find that at JodiAman.com/5-2. I'm looking forward to seeing you on episode three about prioritizing movement. Read that section, and I'll see you there.

2 Two hands in, two hands out.

3 Do your dishes as you go along.

If you leave a whole pile of stuff at the door and go in and get a snack and do whatever, later on, it's just going to be overwhelming. When you just do a little bit at a time, it's easier.

4 Complete projects.

5 Deliver right away.

Say you have something of your friend's. They left something at your house, and you want to return it to them. Give it to them quickly.

When you pack a bag of clothes and things to donate, donate it right away. Don't leave it around to add to it. Deliver it and start a new one when you have more items to give away. There are bins where you could put clothes in many church parking lots. It doesn't matter if once a month you take a bag to one of these places; you don't have to wait six months to get five bags and then go. You can take one bag! When you do that, it'll give you the energy for the next task.

6 Let go of perfection.

7 Limit the use of coupons. I

8 Make recycling easy.

There you have it; the eight ways to clear clutter and keep it clear in your home.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

5:1 - Prioritize Uplifting Relationships

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Tue, 1 Aug 2023 15:30:24 +0000

Welcome to Season 5, Episode 1, which accompanies Chapter 5, Section 1, “Prioritize Uplifting Relationships.” In this episode, I:

introduce Chapter 5 and
the happiness habits that you need to incorporate into everyday
then discuss why uplifting relationships are essential for your overall well-being.

After reviewing the five steps to healing from anxiety, I remind you of the happiness formula. Get rid of the things that make you suffer, bring in the things that bring you joy, and practice those two every day. This season, I emphasize the why’s and how’s of the joy-bringing habits that can change your life.

“When a person is depressed and anxious and is not busy, the reptilian brain will inform the prefrontal cortex to find a problem. It will look for something wrong so it ‘knows what to do’ because it's trying to help you survive. When the monkey is looking for a problem––and it's not really directed by you to find something productive, creative, or purposeful to do––then it's going to find something negative (which, even if it is nonsensical, takes you out of feeling good)." - Dr. Jodi Aman
Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

You can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Survival Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Episode 5:1 - Prioritize Uplifting Relationships Transcription

Hey, it's Dr. Jodi here. Welcome to this episode. We are starting season five. Season five is when we're talking about self-care. So those habits of self-care that we need to use to take care of ourselves. Like I've said, happy people aren't just lucky, they don't just get happy, and that's it. Some people are happy, and then some people are not happy. That's not how it works. Happy people actually generate their own happiness, and sometimes this is well integrated, so you don't really notice what they're doing, or they don't feel like it's a lot of effort. And then there are people who struggle. They have anxiety, they have depression, and it feels like a lot of effort to generate happiness. And what happens is you feel different than other people. You might think those people are happy without trying too hard, and you must work hard to generate happiness.

It feels like the universe has decided that you don't deserve happiness because you have to work harder for it than everybody else. It emphasizes your difference. Listen, everybody, everybody deserves happiness. Everybody deserves it. But unfortunately, this is an unfair world. It's not okay that it's an unfair world, and we need to do things to change it, to try to bring justice to the forefront and not have it be so unfair. But it is still unfair. And while we're working on that, we have to realize that life is unfair and we don't get what we deserve. And that doesn't mean that you're not worthy of deserving it. Let me say that again. Just because you don't get what you deserve doesn't mean you're unworthy. It just means that the world is unfair and that we have some work to do to make our world a better place.

Okay, that was a little bit of a tangent. This season will be different than every other season because I'm recording it live, which means it won't be as tailored and neat and clean, but hopefully, it'll be clear and exactly what you need. Maybe it'll be a little bit more fun or a little bit more energizing. (Or maybe you'll experience me as a little more accessible because you're hearing me just be extemporaneous, which means I'm just speaking from the heart.)

In this episode,

I’ll introduce to you chapter five.
We're going to talk about those seven habits from chapter 5 of the book.
I'll introduce to you what contributes to happiness in your life (especially the percentages of how important they are to what you feel, what you want to do, how you see yourself, how you have relationships —these affect everything! I share these happiness habits to show you the control that you have.
Then we're going to talk about prioritizing uplifting relationships.

Chapter 5: The Happiness Habits

Chapter five is really important. Remember, there are five steps to curing your anxiety. They are

understanding it biologically,
learning the lies that it tells,
cultivating your control,
making peace with yourself, and then finally
practicing sustaining happiness habits.

You'll recall that the book's subtitle promises you will hardwire your brain for happiness. And that's what we're doing in chapter five. Chapter five is going to be really important because there are things that you could do, and there are things that humans need in their life to be happy and healthy. And when I say happy and healthy, I'm not just winging it here. I'm talking about being physically healthy because how you are mentally affects your body, how you perform, your health, and how you relate to and care for your body.

When addressing emotional wellness, we can't leave out the physical body. Also, we have to include the mental body and the spiritual body. So let's go over why I pick these seven habits to nurture all of these bodies. The first one is to prioritize uplifting relationships, and that's about having community. This is not a surprise to any of you if you've been listening to this podcast for a while; that community is something humans need. We are social beings. We need community. So we're going to be talking about that in this episode.

I use the word prioritize here in these section titles because I want you to think about what is important. What are those non-negotiables to have in your life? When we say non-negotiable, we mean inflexible. We have flexibility in so many things, and flexibility is so good for us in so many ways. But sometimes we get flexible and procrastinate or put off or decide not to do things that are essential for our well-being, like moving our body, resting enough, and drinking enough water. These are essential. They're non-negotiables. You could have a morning routine and call that morning routine "non-negotiable" because you put in that routine things that you need to be mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy. It's not literally non-negotiable because if you had a big exam, you might wake up early and get less sleep so that you could study for that exam. However, it helps to think of them as non-negotiable so that you commit to yourself to do what you have to do to keep yourself emotionally well.

Remember that Formula for Happiness that I told you about way in the beginning?

You get rid of the things in your life that cause you to suffer.
You bring into your life the things that bring you joy.
And then, you practice those every day.

That is what we're doing in this chapter. We're bringing the things into our life that bring us joy, and then we're practicing them every day.

There are seven happiness habits. The first one is uplifting relationships. The next one is energizing surroundings, so prioritize energizing surroundings. We're talking about your aesthetic surroundings, non-cluttered space, beauty, nature, and daily routine.

The next one is movement. We need to move our bodies. They are meant to move. It's harmful when we stay stagnant or still. All of our organs get pressed down if we're sitting on the couch too long. Sitting too much affects our posture and detracts from our physical health, taking years off our life.

We need to move our bodies! That message is out there everywhere. We know that we need to walk, run, dance, shake, exercise, and engage in physical activity almost daily. In that episode, I'll share all the benefits, some benefits of movement, some that you probably don't even know yet. (Hopefully, that will motivate you!)

The next habit is about whole nourishment. What do you taking into your body? When you think about nourishment, you primarily think about food. However, I'm also talking about any substances you ingest, medications, news that you're hearing, any people that you're around (whether they are positive or negative), social media, traditional media, or anything you are interacting with.

Everything that you have in your surroundings creates some energy with which you interface. It’s either nourishing or harmful. Some of it's benign, of course - benign means it doesn't affect you at all. So, some of it's nourishing, some of it's benign, and some of it is harmful. Harmful things age you. I know you don't have to worry about that because you're so young, but aging you means they're hurting you, right? They take away your vitality of life, and you don't want that. That's going to affect your mental health.

The next episode is about rest. Humans need rest and relaxation. We need some time to rejuvenate and restore ourselves.

Five-six is prioritizing a higher purpose. Having a purpose is necessary! Having a purpose is one of the three things that Dan Buettner of Blue Zones says control your Happiness and longevity. Without a purpose, people feel untethered, unworthy, and out of control, without direction or guidance on what to do and how to proceed in life. We need a sense of purpose so we know that we matter in this world.

When we don't, we feel terrible and untethered, unloved, unlovable, unworthy, and on and on and on. That's another reason why I used the word priority. Because when we are anxious or depressed, it takes up a lot of our brain space. When it takes up all that brain space, it's taking away from other things we could do that feed our soul, nurture our relationships, bring us joy and happy memories, and fulfilling opportunities. Those get subjugated whenever you prioritize what the anxiety says that you "need to do today" or what the depression says "you can't" do. The depression and the anxiety want us to prioritize those, but that's not good for us.

What would you rather spend your time doing? (I know the answer: you would rather not be anxious or depressed because they suck!) You probably want to spend your time on the things that you love and that you want to prioritize.

I learned this by working with people with anxiety: when something is important enough, people can overcome their fear. For example, I had this young client. She was about eight years old, and she had a trauma in her life that had to do with fire. And after that, she was afraid of all fire equipment, even exit signs, fire alarm switches, or fire extinguishers. If she was in any public building and saw any of these things, it would trigger a panic attack for this little girl. This, as you can imagine, prevented her from enjoying many activities or even deciding to do many things because she didn't want to be near any fire equipment.

One day, she went to work with her mom, so she was in a public building, and obviously, these things were around. That day she was hungry enough to walk past all of this fire equipment to get herself some cookies from the vending machine. She overcame that fear because there was something that had a higher priority.

Standing up to anxiety is so much easier when you have something that you consider more important than doing what it says. Here's another one. Sometimes people have a lot of anxiety about going to school, so it makes it really hard to go to school. But if there's something that is important that day at school, something that's going on or somebody's birthday or a test that you have to take, or you're giving somebody a notebook or something, that makes it easier to go to school. We need a priority, to face those fears and get over those fears. Purpose gives us priority.

The last episode of season 5 prioritizes creativity. We need creativity in our life because it charges us up. They lift us up, give us a purpose, and enhance our relationships with people because we're doing the activity with another person, making connections, or gifting something we've made. Humans have a significantly evolved, problem-solving brain. When you use that problem-solving brain to do something creative, it enhances, stimulates, and strengthens it, decreasing your anxiety and depression.

When a person is depressed and anxious and is not busy, the reptilian brain will inform the prefrontal cortex to find a problem. It will look for something wrong so it 'knows what to do' because it's trying to help you survive. When the monkey is looking for a problem––and you're not directing it to find something productive, creative, or purposeful to do––then it's going to find something negative (which, even if it is nonsensical, takes you out of feeling good).

So Dan Buettner is the author of Blue Zones. Blue Zones is a huge research project from National Geographic. National Geographic is a magazine that you might not know about, but that's been around for a really, really long time. They studied societies around the world where populations lived the longest. (Not so coincidentally, people who lived the longest are also the happiest, so their research is pertinent to us.)

The study tried to identify the correlations between longevity, Happiness, and these locations. Dan figured out three things that all of these happy-long-living people had in common. One is life satisfaction. Two is a sense of purpose. And three is a pleasure. That confirms what we want in our life, too, right? We want to be satisfied with our life, we want a purpose, and we want some pleasure. So we're with you, Dan, we would like that, too!

Genetic Code: 40%

In the study, they realized what contributes to a person's Happiness and longevity. Forty percent of it was their genetic makeup (genetic code). When things happen to you, they affect your genetic code. And so it affects our body in different ways and our mind in different ways. That's 40%. What we know now from the study of epigenetics is that we do have some control over healing that genetic damage caused by toxins and traumas that we experience. Also, many studies are currently looking at the effects of ancestral trauma, the trauma that happened in previous generations. There's an interest in healing ancestral trauma with epigenetics. It's cutting-edge studies that are helping us understand the genetics that control 40% of our Happiness. Knowing this will help you know your genetics are not totally out of your control.

There are things that we can do. I can't remember which episode we'll talk about that, but let me mention it a bit now. Scientists know that certain frequencies heal your genetic code. It heals the aging part of the genes. When you get older, the ends of the DNA fray. That can be healed, helping us feel better physically and mentally.

Luck is 10-15% of Happiness.

Dan Buettner also found that 10 to 15% of our Happiness has to do with luck. You may have assumed that your genes and this 10 to 15% of Happiness that is informed by luck is something that you can't control. But don't forget; luck could be good or bad, right? Good luck or bad luck.

So within that 10% (or 10 to 15%) of the luck that contributes to your Happiness and your life, there is some good and some bad. Also, some is benign. Plus, some of your lifetime amount of bad luck you have already experienced. It's done!

That idea gives me hope. Anxiety makes you feel like luck is random and out of control. That gives it more meaning like it's everything that matters. Anxiety makes you feel like 100% of everything is just luck and you have no control. That's what the anxiety wants you to think because then it gets to wreak havoc on your life and gets to have control over you. However, anxiety can't last, reign, or be in your life when you feel empowered. It needs you to feel out of control.

So 40% is genes, 10 to 15% is luck, and then the other 45 to 50% is you. The "you" percent. That's your personal agency––all of your unique skills and abilities you use to respond to your life. You have 100% of control over this––your response to what happens to you. Maybe you can't control everything. However, you have 100% of control over the thing that matters most: You percent.

This whole chapter is dedicated (and most of the book) is dedicated to that you percent, so that you can feel empowered and good about where you want to go and what you want to do to create a life that you want to create. You can do that.

Let's get back to this episode, Prioritize Uplifting Relationships.

Humans are social beings who need relationships to thrive. We cannot thrive in isolation. Instead, we despair, go downhill, and decompensate in isolation––in huge ways. I hope to have convinced you that during this podcast series, one of the worst things that you could do for your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health is to be in isolation.

That's why COVID-19 had such a powerful impactful on us. At first, when we went into quarantine at the very beginning of Covid, people's anxiety went down. One reason was that they didn't have social anxiety anymore. But also, even though they were isolated, it felt like everybody was isolated. People who may have felt isolated for a long time felt like they belonged for the first time. Before the pandemic, they felt different, isolated, and very, very alone. And when the pandemic hit, at least when it first started, it felt like, "Oh, I'm the same as everybody else."

It made people feel they were part of something. People want to feel part of something. We want to belong. And even in our isolation, we belonged because everybody was in the same place. Of course, then it got old pretty quickly, and the drastic isolation started to affect us seriously negatively, like with our dopamine. When dopamine is not released for a while, which happens with extreme boredom or isolation, we lose interest in pleasure. Without stimulation, humans feel worse and worse and soon do not care if they ever feel better. That was a massive problem during the pandemic.

Another thing, our phones do this, right? We're not seeing each other in real life as much as we used to. We do have relationships. We have relationships with people online. But it's not the same as relationships that we have in real life. We're not seeing all of the body language that people use or all of their facial expressions. Even if we're on video chat where you could see some of that stuff, you're still missing a lot of the interaction. One of the biggest things you still need is touch.

Humans need touch.

They are the only primate on this earth that don't use social grooming. Social grooming is when apes and chimps pick and eat bugs off each other. I know that's really gross, but there's a purpose to this more than just getting rid of the bugs. It decreases their fight or flight. So all animals have that fight or flight, at least down to the reptilians, because we call it our reptilian brain. So when these primates experience fight and flight, they use social grooming to decrease their stress and increase the GABA hormone, so the adrenaline decreases. It relaxes and regulates them

Did you ever have somebody play with your hair? Doesn't it relax you? When someone's like just gently playing with your hair, it feels so good. That is the same aspect of social grooming; it relaxes you and makes you feel nurtured, cared about, and safe. We are the only primates that don't use this process, but we need this process! We need touch.

Young people especially need touch because it helps them regulate their emotions. There are so many things that you're going through trying to become an adult. If you're an adult listening to this, you might have witnessed teenagers always hugging each other. They're always doing cuddle puddles. They crave touch. However, isolation takes them away from the opportunity for physical contact. I'm repeating myself from other episodes on purpose since this might be the first episode you've listened to! Also, we need this repetition, right? Anxiety repeats itself, it repeats itself, repeats itself, and repeats itself! So we need this information repeated. Plus, I give you so much information in these episodes that I don't know how you remember it. Please listen to them again and again!

Humans want to be seen.

We are only a "self" in a relationship. We need relationships to reflect back who we are. And if you're around people who are positive and care about you and love you and see the good in you, it feels different than when you're around people who don't see you, who don't care about you, who are selfish, or who are mean to you.

We want to matter and be cared about. We want to be seen for who we are and how we want to be seen. If you're around people who put you down, that's going to affect how you feel. That doesn't mean we can't affect ourselves or we can't have compassion for ourselves. We need to have compassion for ourselves. But, to do that, we're drawing on those good relationships. Even if we're alone at the moment, I mean.

Okay. I wanted to call your attention to one more thing I mentioned in this section of the book, which is the Kobe College research project because it just blew me away. I'm so interested in this phenomenon. Researchers tool 75 student participants and split them into two groups. To one group, they said, do nothing and rate your happiness levels. And to the other group they requested that at the end of their day, they write down any acts of kindness that did that day. They told them not to try to do anything different than they normally would, just write down if they did something kind.

After whatever the amount of time of the research study was, the group that wrote down their kindnesses reported more Happiness and pleasure, and had an increased sense of purpose, just by writing down and noticing what they had done.

Remember, we have this deficit mentality culture. We constantly look at our deficits and what we don't do. And so when we, on purpose, look at what we do, either for others, for ourselves, or for a goal, it impacts our relationship with ourselves. This affects our happiness, our decisions, and how we perform ourselves in life. Our happiness affects how we perform. Perform - I don't mean perform in terms of perfection, "perform" meaning how you act in the world. How you "present" is a better way to say that.

Kindness doesn't cost anything, but it is so valuable to us to be kind to others. And it feels so good. Another example of how kindness benefits you is when you're talking about tolerance and inclusion. For example, racism is a problem for everybody. For sure, people of color suffer the worst consequences of racism, but people who identify as white are also negatively affected. Racism is led by fear, which makes people feel powerless and leads them to seek power over others. That's not a well person. So creating an anti-racist society is good for everybody. Act with kindness, tolerance, tolerance of LGBTQIA+, tolerance of people who are different than you, or people who live with disabilities. Be understanding, uplifting, compassionate, and gentle to all beings.

You don't know what someone else is going through in their day, so your little bit of kindness, a smile, holding the door, helping somebody pick something up, or a compliment could change a person's day and potentially their life. Kindness saves lives! So never hesitate to be kind.

I hope you enjoyed this episode. We talked about what's going to go on in Chapter 5. We talked about

what matters most to your Happiness.
my Formula for Happiness.
relationships and why they are so important in your life.

Thank you so much for commenting, subscribing, listening, sharing, and leaving me five stars on Apple Podcasts. I really appreciate you. Get ready for Chapter 5, Section 2: Prioritize Energizing Surroundings. While you're waiting, come hang out with me on YouTube and TikTok @DoctorJodi.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

4:5 Embrace a Positive Mental Attitude

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Fri, 7 Jul 2023 12:00:00 +0000

Welcome to Season 4, Episode 5, which accompanies Chapter 4, Section 5, "Embrace a Positive Mental Attitude." In this episode, we'll discuss:

the benefits of a positive mental attitude
how making meaning is one of the most powerful skills you have
how attitude and perspective can transform not only your life but can change the world

There are two contexts that each affect both your physical and mental health: Your physical and mental context. Your physical context powerfully influences your life. Feeling secure, having people around you who lift you up, having food and warmth support your body's thriving. However, life is hard, and we don't have all of those things every day. While your mental context is impacted during challenging times, it also can help you survive them.

“The stories you have about yourself build around themes and then form beliefs. For example, if two separate classmates bullied you in 4th and 8th grade, your mind would lump them together around the theme of being a target of bullies. Those two stories, around this theme, garner more significance together than they would separate. You then form the belief that maybe you allowed it somehow or deserved it because you are "a weakling." You could take the exact words they used to hurt you and start believing those things about yourself. What's worse is that those beliefs, which were just ideas, soon become the assumed truth about who you are. They are not the truth, but they get to hold a truth status in your mind. And that can last long after the bullies are gone from your life. These constructed stories become a lens through which you understand and make meaning about future experiences. Someone could look at you funny, and it could take you back there." - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

You can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Survival Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcription:

Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is Season 4 of "Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!" This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. If you're new here, grab a copy of my book "Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!" because this series goes section by section through it, going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. In this season, which follows Chapter 4, we're finally focusing on you making peace with yourself.

Because you can't get rid of anxiety when you're still being your own worst critic. You know what I mean! You have been your own worst critic, and you don't deserve that. You deserve kindness, compassion, and forgiveness. In this season, I will give you the practical tools to do that for yourself. Thank you for listening, subscribing, and leaving me five s tars on Apple Podcasts. Please spread the word about this book and series because mental health problems have dire consequences that inflict more pain on young people, their families, and their communities. And I would be grateful if you could help me turn the tide by sharing these tips for embracing self-love.

_______

Welcome to Season 4, Episode 5, which accompanies Chapter 4, Section 5, "Embrace a Positive Mental Attitude." In this episode, we'll discuss:

the benefits of a positive mental attitude
how making meaning is one of the most powerful skills you have
how attitude and perspective can transform not only your life but can change the world

Humans are storytellers. We create stories out of our inner and outer life experiences. You have many stories about yourself and your life. Some are benign, like, "I brush my teeth every day." Others are precious, like, "I am close to my grandmother." And still, others are quite negative, like, "I am a loser!" These seem like statements, but they are actually stories. A lot of lived experience, evidence, and memories construct each of them. You have countless stories about yourself: you're a sibling, a musician, a candy lover, a skater, a writer, a student, and more. Do you see how the stories you have about you become your identity? That is good when the stories are ones you approve of and not when they are diminishing of the person you want to be.

Unfortunately, the stories you have about yourself build around themes and then form beliefs. For example, if two separate classmates bullied you in 4th and 8th grade, your mind would lump them together around the theme of being a target of bullies. Those two stories, around this theme, garner more significance together than they would separate. You then form the belief that maybe you allowed it somehow or deserved it because you are "a weakling." You could take the exact words they used to hurt you and start believing those things about yourself. What's worse is that those beliefs, which were just ideas, soon become the assumed truth about who you are. They are not the truth, but they get to hold a truth status in your mind. And that can last long after the bullies are gone from your life. These constructed stories become a lens through which you understand and make meaning about future experiences. Someone could look at you funny, and it could take you back there.

Also, if many things happen to you, even if many are good, the one experience that matches the story about you being bullied will stand out and can render the good stuff invisible. I mean...you would know the good things happened cognitively, but they wouldn't stick to you.

Imagine thousands of thoughts going through your mind in a day. It is as if the few that are scary, disturbing, familiar, upsetting, or weird light up. Some are hard to ignore because they are practically flashing neon red. So you pull them into your consciousness. That's when the monkey starts cooking with gas. The negative thought is causing inner chaos, and you urgently desire to restore order in your mind: This means you must make sense of the thoughts by giving them meaning.

Remember, this example is about nonsense two bullies said years ago because of those bullies' misery in their life. And here you are now asking yourself, "Why am I thinking this? There must be a reason I'm thinking this."

Here are some options you might come up with:

Perhaps, I didn't heal this.

I can't believe I am still holding onto that.

I am so broken.

Maybe I deserved it.

I can't believe I let that happen.

Only crazy people would be thinking of this.

I think I have PTSD.

Maybe I have Dissociative identity disorder.

If one of those ideas about why you are thinking the negative thoughts stick, that becomes part of the overarching story, forming more beliefs about the world and who you are. These beliefs become the lens through which you understand future experiences.

This book section is on having a positive mental attitude, and you may wonder why I gave an example of a negative attitude. I do have a point. I'm interested in your understanding of why and how easily beliefs are constructed and what feds them so that you can shift this process.

Did you hear "The tale of two wolves," accredited to a Cherokee elder? Here it is…

The Tale of Two Wolves

ONE EVENING, AN ELDERLY
CHEROKEE BRAVE TOLD HIS
GRANDSON ABOUT A BATTLE THAT
GOES ON INSIDE PEOPLE.

HE SAID “MY SON, THE BATTLE IS
BETWEEN TWO ‘WOLVES’ INSIDE US ALL.
ONE IS EVIL. IT IS ANGER,
ENVY, JEALOUSY, SORROW,
REGRET, GREED, ARROGANCE,
SELF-PITY, GUILT, RESENTMENT,
INFERIORITY, LIES, FALSE PRIDE,
SUPERIORITY, AND EGO.

THE OTHER IS GOOD.
IT IS JOY, PEACE LOVE, HOPE SERENITY,
HUMILITY, KINDNESS, BENEVOLENCE,
EMPATHY, GENEROSITY,
TRUTH, COMPASSION AND FAITH.”

THE GRANDSON THOUGH ABOUT
IT FOR A MINUTE AND THEN ASKED
HIS GRANDFATHER:

“WHICH WOLF WINS?…”

THE OLD CHEROKEE SIMPL

So how do you feed a positive mental attitude without going into toxic positivity territory?

There are always thousands of thoughts in your mind. The ones with flashing lights are those that you have given meaning to. Maybe this is unconscious at first. It's your reptilian brain trying to protect you. But then they increase your stress, create efficient neuropathways to this line of thinking and feeling, overflow and upset the people around you, and cause you to isolate yourself. None of these are helpful.

This is what I want you to remember: You have a mammalian brain that can override the reptilian brain. By consciously and repetitively taking yourself in a different direction, you can decrease your stress, enjoy being around people again, change your neuropathways, and ease the view you have of yourself and others.

It seems like a huge challenge to change beliefs, as if it is the hardest thing I could tell you to do. But ask yourself, where did you get the idea that it is hard? "Hard" is just a meaning that has been given this process. What if I said changing beliefs is an easy thing to do? Really! This is the thing: You have 100% of control over changing your beliefs. You don't need to convince anyone else; it is just you have to worry about. How many things in your life is that the case for?

When you think something is hard, it is for real hard. When you start to think, "I am not sure if this will be hard or easy, let me experiment with it and see," you lose up the construction.

I love it being an experiment. When you think of it as an experiment instead of a goal, you cannot fail. "Experimenting" is a sweet spot without the pressure to succeed that you'd rebel against and with enough interest in the results to motivate you.

I want to pause a moment here to first remind you, if you are overwhelmed by negativity, get some help. Find an adult that you can trust. Second, I want to let you know that I made a "How to think about your thoughts" animated video that I put in the blog post for this episode. The link is in the show notes. And third, if you are feeling hopeless, the next episode is about finding hope, so please make time to listen to that next.

The benefits of a positive mental attitude are you are in the driver's seat of your mind. You control your inner sanctum, which will, in turn, affect your life. Yes, things still happen to you, and yes, they do affect you, but you get to make meaning out of them, which affects how much they affect you. Remember the three-step process to dealing with difficulty:

Have compassion for yourself
Take a step back
Decide what to do

This process will take you out of the chaos of the thoughts and give you time to let your mammal brain override the unnecessary negative thoughts. You will be active and feel empowered to affect the outer context of your life with the steps you decide to take. You are not as exhausted and stressed out by chaos on top of the chaos, and you can use that bandwidth to move forward in life in ways you prefer, including taking risks and seizing opportunities.

This positive mental focus minimizes how anyone else holds power over you. That doesn't mean it will eliminate injustices in the world, but it will, for example, take away bullies' power over your life. Plus, with the extra robustness, confidence, and faith the positive mental attitude will bring, your relationships with be sweeter, easier, and closer. This benefits your friends and family as well as yourself. This positivity is contagious and will help them immeasurably. Think about the ripple effect of kindness and compassion. Instead of conflict and people trying to grab power, folks would want to take care of each other.

With the invigoration you'll feel since you will no longer be bogged down under the weight of negativity, you can join like-minded people and form groups that advocate for justice in your community. This is how your inner landscape changes the landscape of the world.

Before closing this episode, I want to remind you that I am live every Monday at 11 am E on YouTube and Facebook. Or you can catch me on TikTok @doctorjodi.

Remember to come on over to the blog post for this episode, where I have extra videos and resources to help you integrate this section of the book. The link, as always, is in the show notes. In this episode, you learned

the benefits of a positive mental attitude
how making meaning can take a negative turn, and how to turn it back
how attitude and perspective can change not only change your life but it can change the world

I appreciate your subscribing, commenting, and leaving me five stars on Apple Podcasts.

The next episode will cover Chapter 4, Section 6: Embrace Hope. There's a trigger warning for that episode because, in the book, I discuss suicide and self-harm. The intention is to help you feel better, but please take care of yourself here. Read or listen to that, and I will see you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

4:4 Embrace Connection

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Fri, 7 Jul 2023 12:00:00 +0000

In this episode, which follows Chapter 4, Section 4: Embrace Connection, I review how this culture's unrealistic expectations support your feelings of inadequacy. You'll learn

How and why the mind thinks so much
Why humans need connection
Evidence that isolation is one of the worst things for your mental health

Humans are social beings, and we need connection. During early human history, communities were necessary for survival. We did not have the warmth, speed, strength, claws, or teeth to survive alone in the wild. So, to ensure we stay together and help each other sustain the species, early humans developed an innate desire to belong. This desire saved us, and allowed us to evolve to use tools, have foresight, and create the world we have (for better or worse). However, it also is the cause of much suffering since the need to belong encourages our deepest fear: Am I worthy?

This episode will answer some of your long-lasting wonderings and explain why so much of what you feel isn’t you. It is a regular human reaction to our modern world. It will give you the tips you need to change the aspects of your life that you need to so that you can live a life that is full, joyful, and connected.

"It's like putting ten ropes in the dryer; after a while, they are so tangled together that they are hard to distinguish one cord from the other until you take time to untangle them. When you get tangled like this, you might think, ‘I am such a mess. No one would want me like this. I better figure this out (stay in the dryer) before I get close to anyone.’" - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

You can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Survival Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

Transcription:

Because you can't get rid of anxiety when you're still being your own worst critic. You know what I mean! You have been your own worst critic, and you don't deserve that. You deserve kindness, compassion, and forgiveness. In this season, I will give you the practical tools to do that for yourself. Thank you for listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple Podcasts. Please spread the word about this book and series because mental health problems have dire consequences that inflict more pain on young people, their families, and their communities. And I would be grateful if you could help me turn the tide by sharing these tips for embracing self-love.

Welcome to the episode that accompanies Chapter 4, Section 4: Embrace Connection.

In this episode,

We'll review how and why the mind thinks so much
We'll discuss why humans need connection
And I'll double down on why isolation is one of the worst things for your mental health

Humans are social beings, and we need connection. This is why: During early human history, communities were necessary for survival. We did not have the warmth, speed, strength, claws, or teeth to survive alone in the wild. So, to ensure we stay together and help each other sustain the species, early humans developed an innate desire to belong. This desire saved us and allowed us to evolve to use tools, have foresight, and create the world we have (for better or worse). And it also is the cause of so much suffering because needing to belong encourages our deepest fear: Are we worthy of belonging?

Combine this desire to belong with the fact that our brains have the capacity to think 12 to 60,000 thoughts a day. Remember, the brain evolved to solve problems because we had to find food, figure out shelter, take care of our families, and keep ourselves warm. There were so many things to do, so our brains evolved to have tons of thoughts to do those things. We don't need that capacity anymore because most of those chores are now built into the structure of our lives. I know it seems like we are busier than ever, but it's a whole different kind of busyness. It's not a "problem-solving" busyness; it's a pressure and high expectation busyness. The type of busyness that we have now makes those thousands of thoughts tumble around each other like our heads are clothes dryers. They keep going round and round and draining us of our vitality.

Even though I covered this in other episodes, I'm going to remind you again that you don't merely have more thoughts than you need, but your mind makes up things to use them for––which usually take on a negative flavor. To boot, you also make meaning around those thoughts, which compound the negativity of it all. So, for example, you think, "Why doesn't she like me?" but then you make meaning around that by adding, "I have to figure out why she doesn't like me…and why people don't like me…" These second and third thoughts feel like the truth about what you have to do next. As if you have to figure out what ways you are unlikeable in order to survive. This, as you can imagine, brings up any rejection from your past as you search in the memories for a theme to answer the question, "Why don't people like me?"

This is the thing about the human brain: If you are looking for a correlation between two things, even if it is between two seemingly unrelated things, you will find a correlation. Consequently, this is why people can rationalize blaming themselves for something that has nothing to do with them. The creative ways they connect their responsibility to the event can be compelling. In their mind, that is. But if they said it out loud, it wouldn't hold the same power. To another person, their self-assignment of blame would probably seem ridiculous.

Now we are getting to why I am re-iterating how and why the human mind thinks so much: A big reason you need people is that being around people gives you a break from the thoughts tumbling around and around in your mind, growing negative meaning. You see, at first, it's just an idea, and then, you get into it and build a whole story around it.

Because our deepest fear is that we don't belong, a lot of these negative thoughts center around this theme, including

who thinks what of you,

what people know about you,

who likes you,

why someone rejected you,

if you might embarrass yourself,

why you can't trust people, and

why people hurt you, etc., etc.

It's like putting ten ropes in the dryer; after a while, they are so tangled together that they are hard to distinguish one cord from the other until you take time to untangle them.

When you get tangled like this, you might think, "I am such a mess. No one would want me like this. I better figure this out before I get close to anyone." Mostly that, but there are other reasons you might isolate yourself. Like, you feel like you are too dark and you don't want to upset anyone else with your sadness. Or, you think they will hate you if they know what you really are. You may feel like you wouldn't be able to stand being hurt by one more person, so you keep to yourself. Sometimes you worry that if you said what you think aloud, it would overwhelm you, and you'd fall off some insanity cliff and never regulate yourself again. Also, you might be ashamed by your neediness because you think you shouldn't need anyone and force yourself to suppress it.

When you are struggling emotionally, all of these and more make you withdraw from other people. And this is the thing: that is the worst thing you can do. Because then it is just you and your negative thoughts with no one to distract you, love you up, and tell you that you're normal. And you need that last one because this doesn't feel normal.

You look around, and it doesn't seem like anyone else is going through what you are. It's not true, but you think that because people look fine on the outside even when they are struggling on the inside. But when you talk to someone else about what you are feeling, you often learn pretty quickly that they can relate to what you are saying.

Also, when you are needy- which is normal, and you are ashamed and suppress it- you only feel needier and then more ashamed and needier. From that state, you might overwhelm someone, especially a young person who doesn't have much experience knowing how to help. However, when you allow yourself to be needy the first time and reach out to someone, you'll feel better, and they will, too. People love to feel needed, and they love when they can make a difference to someone.

There have been studies that say that kids who grow up with their grandparents have fewer emotional struggles. If that isn't testimony to the fact that individualistic culture is a problem to our psyche, I don't know what is. The more populated your life is, the better you will feel. In homes with more bodies, there's more communication, storytelling, emotional support, tradition, helping, sharing, and problem-solving. To humans, all of these things help us feel safe and secure.

The more we engage with others, the more we feel a sense of belonging. Relationships are messy, but when there are a lot of them, you'll trust that you can handle them, and it'll free you from analyzing every single detail of every interaction.

If you had only one friend in your life and something happened to that friendship, the devastation would be huge. Without that one person you'd have zero belonging. To make matters worse, your body hormonally responds as if you are kicked out of the community and will die out in the wild alone.

But, if you have 50 friends and acquaintances, and 3 or 4 withdrew from you because they were busy and distracted for one month, you would be okay with it. You might notice and wonder about them, and you may even feel upset, but you'd be busy with the others, and there would be less mind space to perseverate over what happened.

Many people blame phone use for disconnecting people in the last decade or so. There is no doubt that young people have fewer face-to-face interactions, and they have more and more screen interactions. But those are not the same. Also, phones give people who are insecure something to hide behind while still experiencing relevance. This makes it easier not to push themselves out from behind it. However, sometimes people need a break from the stimulation of their phones. Unfortunately, they too often choose isolation for their break rather than in-person hang-outs because scrolling through social media makes them sick of people.

Another problem is that phones keep people up at night. This is bad because then they sleep away the daytime hours when there's more opportunities to be with people. Mental health usually takes a dark turn when someone's nights and days are switched around. This switch might happen because of strong negative emotions in the first place, and then it makes it much worse. The reason this is so risky is because of isolation.

When I meet someone who doesn't even care that they get better, I know that person has endured extreme isolation. This is because nothing fun or pleasurable happens in isolation and dopamine, a neurotransmitter in the brain that releases when we experience pleasure stops triggering. I mentioned this in Season 2, but since that was so long ago, I will review this phenomenon again: When you do something pleasurable, interesting, or fun, you release that feel-good hormone of dopamine, and you decide to do it again, and get the hit of dopamine again and so on.

When you don't do anything good for a while or feel anything good, you stop being interested in doing anything because you have lost knowing what feeling good feels like. It's like a dopamine dessert.

This is why the covid pandemic had such devastating effects on everyone. When we were in lockdown, the isolation and lack of stimulation affected our brains. We experienced fewer

spritz of dopamine, which eventually feels like exhaustion and lack of motivation. Did you ever feel like that? This dopamine dessert made it harder to feel normal when the world started to open up again. Being social felt unfamiliar, too, which brought trepidation. What also made it difficult was not understanding what happened and thinking this meant something was seriously wrong with you.

There was nothing wrong with you. Your feelings were a typical human response to the situation, but maybe no one told you that. And so, your Monkey Mind got to make up why you felt this way. Perhaps you assumed that you lost yourself, can't be around people anymore, have no friends, are awkward, have no interests, or you had other negative thoughts similar to these, which made you feel significantly worse.

The good news is that dopamine returns and starts to function like normal once you get regularly stimulated again. If you were not lost in the worry that something was wrong with you, you may have gone back out around people, the dopamine came back, and you started to feel like your old self again. The brain is amazingly adaptable and adjusts quickly.

If you are a highly isolated person and feel completely unmotivated and don't care if you feel better, I am so glad you are listening to this podcast. This is urgent. Please tell an adult that you trust what you are feeling. You don't have to do this alone. You need someone to help you get out of the house and do something to get the ball rolling so you can come back to feeling more like yourself. Once you feel better, it'll be easier to keep engaging in life and continue getting better.

Sometimes isolated people's days and nights get switched. Your drive to isolate yourself might have had you longing for quiet, or to sleep away the daytime, which people might have expectations of you. Sleeping during the day is also a way to avoid feeling anxious or depressed. But being up at night with these feelings is way worse.

Sometimes people realize this is a problem and try to change it back. All too often, they try to go to bed early in an attempt to adjust themselves. This rarely, if ever, works because you cannot go to sleep if you are not tired. Plus, you are very vulnerable to the Monkey Mind lying there, not falling asleep. However, you can force yourself to wake up if you are exhausted. It doesn't feel good, temporarily, but you can wake up.

To switch back to a better schedule, you need to wake yourself up in the mornings, even if it means being sleep deprived for a bit. After a few days of getting up in the morning, you will naturally begin to fall asleep earlier at night and catch up on your sleep. The only way to do it is to wake up early first. People, especially young people, resist this because if you are already feeling bad, you don't want to make it worse by feeling exhausted and sick when you wake up. Sleeping can be akin to self-medicating, and you can feel addicted to it. But trust yourself here; you are not in danger. It should take a few days of morning discomfort before you sleep better at night. That investment in something that will make a huge difference overall is worth it. Sleeping at night and being awake during the day is a healthier schedule for your body and mind.

Let's talk about connection now since that's the title of this section, Embrace Connection. Connection is essential to humans, like I said, because we needed a community to survive. And we still need a community to survive and thrive, but we also need it because we see and know our own selves through our reflection off the people around us. Meaning that you only experience your self when you are in a relationship. If you are in a vacuum (or isolation), you have a fragile sense of self that came from some leftover sentiment from a relationship in the past. It is withering on a very thin string and your sense of self withers with it.

When you are around people, you see and know yourself reflected by them. When you are around uplifting people, you see the good in yourself. When you are around miserable or abusive people, you feel horrible about yourself.

That's why someone who is abusive towards you isolates you from your friends. So that their expression of you, which is what they have created to disempower you, is the only you that you see.

Two things I want you to take away from this episode, one is to fill your life with a diverse community, and the other is to make the ones you are closest to good-hearted people. They don't have to be perfect because if they had to be perfect, you would never have anyone since no one is perfect. But they have to be well-intentioned, thoughtful, kind, and somewhat insightful so they have an awareness of their limits. Everyone is limited, which is human, but consideration is much more critical to a relationship. You want them to see the beauty in you and reflect that back so that you can see it too.

People want to be relevant. They want to feel a sense of connectedness. Connectedness is a person's perception of belonging. According to attachment theory, social connection is an intrinsic human need. People desire to be personally accepted, included, and respected by others. Particularly in adolescence, this is true because it is a time when you are developing your autonomous identities, making you extra sensitive to belonging. You can experience school connectedness, family connectedness, or connectedness to another group, like a sports team, co-workers, or friend group. Researchers found strong correlations between a person's sense of belonging with lower levels of suicidal behavior and depression, and higher levels of self-esteem. Also, kids who feel school connectedness perform better academically and are less likely to participate in violence, substance misuse, and sexual promiscuity.

People also want to matter. It is normal for you to want this for yourself. Mattering means you feel valued by yourself and others and feel that you also add value to yourself and others. Humans are social beings, so feeling cared about improves well-being and behavior. It affects how people think about themselves, which increases prosocial behavior, friendship quality, and life satisfaction, all critical components to robust mental health.

Being around nice people can have the immediate effect of making you relax and feel happier. Plus, your body biologically feels less vulnerable. Not only do you feel supported by them, but they need you too. This gives you a sense of purpose which we will discuss further in Chapter 5.

It may feel vulnerable to be around people if you've been hurt in your past, but it is more vulnerable to be alone. That is a trick anxiety does; it convinces you that you need to endure ongoing suffering to protect yourself from some future possibility of suffering. It's BS. You need people because people need people.

Also, you don't need to be fully vulnerable with new people. Go back and read or listen to Episode 3-2. Even small talk with a barista will get you out of your head, which will feel good for a bit. String more small interactions together, and they will add up to some energy to get you taking another step in peopling your healing journey.

I have loads of good videos that supplement these concepts that I put in the blog post that goes with this episode, like What to do if you are lonely, Anxiety and Trust, Nervous System Privilege, Red Flags, Getting rid of Intrusive Thoughts, What to do if you are needy, and Setting Awesome Personal Boundaries. The link is below to check these out.

Thank you so much for listing to this episode of "Anxiety... I'm So Done with You! "with me, Doctor Jodi.

In this episode,

You learned how and why the mind thinks so much and how negative thinking is exacerbated by isolation, and you heard
Why you and all humans need, need, need, need connection

I appreciate your subscribing, commenting, and leaving me five stars on Apple Podcasts. As always, there is a link in the show notes to the blog post for this episode that has the transcription and more resources for healing your brain, body, and spirit. Plus, you can hang out with me on YouTube and TikTok at Doctor jodi.

The next episode will cover Chapter 4, Section 5: Embrace A Positive Mental Attitude. Read or listen to that, and I will see you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

4:2 Embrace Letting Go

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Fri, 7 Jul 2023 12:00:00 +0000

In this episode, which follows Chapter 4, Section 2: Embrace Letting Go, I share the practical steps to letting go of what no longer serves you. So many people tell you to let go. I show you how. When you listen, you'll learn:

My three-step process of letting go
The absolute necessity of all three steps
The essentiality of self-compassion

I developed this three-step process when it dawned on me that I wasn't being gentle with myself. Hopefully, it will inspire you to be gentle with yourself since this is the first step to your healing journey.

People struggle with letting go and forgiving because they don't understand what they mean. In this episode, I demystify these concepts and show you how to eliminate the obstacles to using these essential tools along your path to emotional wellness. Firstly, since self-blame is so ingrained into our consciousness, we have to intentionally practice and hone skills in self-compassion.

Then, we must realize that forgiveness is not relieving something for the person who hurt you. Forgiveness is an act of resistance. You forgive because you deserve to heal. You deserve to no longer let the event hold power over you nor define yourself by what happened. You can apply the three steps to letting can be applied to everything you might be holding onto that is hurting you. I can't wait for you to know and use them and find the freedom to let them go.

"Unfortunately, humans often get stuck and immobilized by guilt and shame. Guilt, shame, and regret have a purpose: to call your attention to the situation. Once your attention is there, you can assess and decide what action to take moving forward: you can repair relationships, make up for something, pay kindness forward, or commit to doing something differently the next time. Then, there is no longer a need for the guilt, shame, or regret. They can go. But getting stuck in the guilt, shame, or regret? That does nothing for you or anybody else around you." - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

You can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Survival Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcription:

Because you can't get rid of anxiety when you're still being your own worst critic. You know what I mean! You have been your own worst critic, and you don't deserve that. You deserve kindness, compassion, and forgiveness. In this season, I will give you the practical tools to do that for yourself. Thank you for listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple Podcasts. Please spread the word about this book and series because mental health problems have dire consequences that inflict more pain on young people, their families, and their communities. And I would be grateful if you could help me turn the tide by sharing these tips for embracing self-love.

Welcome to the episode that accompanies Chapter 4, Section 2: Embrace Letting Go.

In this episode, we will finally go over my three steps to letting go. I foreshadowed this three-step process in earlier sections of the book. If you have been following me for a while, you may have heard them already, so I will try to challenge myself in this episode to give you more so you see it through many different lenses.

First, let me tell you how I came up with these three steps.

There was a time many, many years ago when I had a friend ghost me. It was someone that I was very attached to and texted several. When someone cuts you off, they hold all of the power, which is a big reason that being ghosted is so frustrating. You are hurt by the rejection and then annoyed at not being able to express yourself. We can't tell the other person what they did and get any validation at all for what they put us through. We want to, but we can't. It's like invalidation on top of invalidation. So, not only did I feel rejected, but I felt powerless that I couldn't tell her how she hurt me. Plus, there was also a void in my day from the time I used to spend massaging her.

With nowhere to go, my frustrations stayed in my head, where you and I both know they wreak some intense havoc. It was happening. I went over what had happened, what we last said to each other, and what I imagined telling her so she'd feel bad for cutting me off. This is what a lack of validation can do to a human. The rumination went on for weeks. One day I took the morning off to take a hike. I just need to escape and have a break. This situation took up a lot of my emotional and energetic bandwidth, making me burn out quickly, even in other areas of my life. I was hiking a path to a waterfall, and I decided that I would stop thinking about this. I would put it out of my mind and move on. I knew it was making me more miserable to have these thoughts tumble around with no resolution in sight. I had to just stop.

This wasn't the first time that I decided to let go of this. I had been trying, but it wasn't working. All the way down the path to the waterfall, I kept finding my attention coming back to her, and I would get mad at myself for allowing it back. "Uh! Stop Jodi. What is wrong with you!"

When I got to the waterfall, I lay down on the bank to meditate. At one point, I looked up, and I saw these little football-shaped yellow leaves that seemed to be hovering at the top of the waterfall. They were falling but falling slowly. Because of the pressure of the waterfall, just in front of the waterfall, the air pressure was pushing upwards, so the leaves appeared to be floating. I looked at those leaves and thought, "They are coming down as fast as possible." What I was noticing was that there was no demand or pressure (no pun intended ) for them to come down. No judgment that they were taking so long.

I thought I would take as long as I needed to take for my heart to heal. At that moment, I realized that the judgment was making it take longer to get over this. The judgment about still being upset. That judgment, which rejected my allowing myself to feel a regular, appropriate feeling to the situation, made me attach. And that attachment- as I illustrated in Season 1, Episode 1's globs of worry and negative self-judgment - exponentially increased my emotional turmoil.

I decided to allow my feelings, like the leaves to "fall" as fast or slow as they wanted to––even if they took a long time. This seems counterintuitive at first when you don't want to keep feeling something. You want it to go away, and I get that, but the desperation to get rid of it makes it stay longer. You get to go through and out the other side when you allow it. Did you ever hear the quote, "If you are going through hell, keep going."? It means don't stay there. Allow the feeling to come, and then they can go.

The best way to allow your feeling is via self-compassion. Self-compassion is the opposite of negative self-judgment. When you feel something, anything, you say, "I get it; I understand why I feel that way." Remember the gesture to kiss your hand and touch your heart from Season 3, Episode 1? I found that gesture very helpful after walking back from the waterfall. Every time I noticed I was again thinking about this situation, I would kiss my hand and touch my heart, telling my heart that it made sense. Then, I would gently bring my attention to something else. That day, I was on a beautiful trail, so I could look around. But if I was home, I could busy myself cleaning, preparing something, or reaching out to someone to engage my attention on something else. If I tried to force myself like, "Stop thinking about it! No, think about something else!" that would be attachment too. Be gentle with yourself instead, and it will work better.

Let's look closely at how I went from that to formalizing the three-step process. First of all, in talking to clients, I realized that the biggest obstacle to forgiving themselves or letting go of something because they felt responsible for it. They didn't think that they deserved to let go or be forgiven. This is very similar to forgiving someone else when they do something: People hold onto their feelings because they think that if they let it go, it takes away the significance in a way that would be akin to saying it doesn't matter that that happened and that would subjugate their sense of worth. So they hold on to things as if it holds onto it not being okay. This is interesting because also they don't feel worthy in general due to what happened. They go back and forth, so they have to cling onto this more to balance that. It is a no-win situation and feels out of control, so they try to get some control somewhere and overwork, or people please, or not eat, or be obsessive about something. Whatever it is, it often perpetuates being out of control.

Forgiveness is not condoning, and it is not a gift you give the other person at your expense. Think about forgiveness as you no longer define yourself by what happened. You no longer give that person (and what occurred) control over your life and identity. That's what it means to forgive. What happened happened, it was not okay, but it doesn't have to define you anymore.

What happened happened. Letting go can't change that. Nothing can change the past. But right now, you are living the effects of what happened or the consequences. The effects are your response to what happened: namely, how you think about it, how you feel about it, trauma memory, how you think about yourself, how you approach things or other relationships on account of what happened, and how you think about yourself, and more. Those are what is causing you pain now, and luckily these can change. And you have sovereign control over these.

Because I noticed that "deserving" plays a big role in holding on to things, I knew this needed to be addressed first. Therefore, the initial step is

Knowing that you deserve to let go.

We talked about this in the last episode when I showed you how to make meaning that stops the questions of the mind. When it comes to forgiving yourself, this may feel trickier. It is a lot easier to forgive other people than it is for us to forgive ourselves. You do make mistakes, of course, that's human, and you probably and hopefully have regret, guilt, or shame about it. Those feelings mean that you are a good person who cares about being ethical and doing the right thing. But like I said, guilt, shame, and regret have a purpose; to call your attention to something to decide what kind of action you can take. You can repair the relationships, make up for something, pay kindness forward, or commit to doing the next time differently. Staying in guilt, shame, and regret does nothing good for you or anyone. It does have negative consequences, though: you isolate yourself, your self-confidence plummets, and it puts riffs in your relationships. See? There's nothing there for you.

If you think about it, regret means that you are a good person and not the "bad" person you thought you were since your "mistake." Let that you CARE about doing the right things define you instead of the mistake defining you. Think about why someone would make a mistake like that; it is usually understandable. If you still can't forgive yourself and have compassion for your choice, think about it as if it were someone else. If you think they deserve forgiveness, then you deserve forgiveness.

Let's look at an example. If one day you went out with some friends and another person found out and felt terrible that you hadn't invited them, you might feel guilty about that. You may have done it on purpose because, for example, that person steals attention, and you knew another friend needed to talk through a problem. Or, you may have done it accidentally because you didn't remember to ask. They may have been busy lately, so you weren't in the habit of inviting them. Whatever happened, there is a reason that is usually not evil. You are human, you will make mistakes, and those are forgivable. People forgive others for much worse. I have had clients who wouldn't forgive themselves for something little but would forgive others for something much, much worse.

Whether you feel like you deserve it or not, you have to decide that you deserve it and that that consciousness will slowly change your beliefs. You don't have to prove you deserve it. That's ridiculous because it's relative, and there is no truth. Trying to find the truth will make the mind try to ensure it gets it right. That is black-and-white thinking, which is the same as perfectionism. There is nothing for you there. You have to DECIDE you deserve it and make that your truth. Without this in the way, the other two steps of the letting go process will become available.

Step two is…wait for it. Wait for it…

Let it go.

For this, you just set the intention to let go. You've already decided that you deserve to and that you want to, and now you decide that you WILL let go.

I suggest a letting go ritual for this. Humans have had ceremonies for millennia bc they help us feed energy into our intentions, celebrate our accomplishments, and make meaning to sustain our commitments. That's why we have a ceremony. In the What's in Your Hand? activity, I recommend holding a ceremony to help sustain your commitment to letting this go.

We'll come back to planning that in a moment.

Step three is

Practice

Your questioning, your regret, your hurt, anger, frustration- whatever you are holding onto will come back. Expect that. That is what a human mind does. Be prepared for it to come back, and when it does, think about the leaves. Say, "I get it; I get why that hurt me," and then kiss your hand, touch your heart, give yourself a little hug, and gently bring your attention to something else.

You may need to repeat the last step over and over. But the less attached you are to the negative feelings, the more they will space out unless it fades away.

After weeks of rumination about my friend who ghosted me, I started this three-step process, and it went away within days. That was about fifteen years ago. Since then, I have taught this to so many people. It works. It's magic how quickly it fades away. Often, the next time I see them, they have no energy about it at all. They are like, "Oh yeah, hmm, I used to have that...."

It's gone, gone.

Judgment attaches us to negative feelings. When we stop judging, there is almost nothing else to do to heal.

If you are working on steps two and three and it is not working, briefly check in with yourself about whether you feel confident that you deserve to let go. If not, go back and do that work. However, be careful here. Most of the time, I find that people think they have more work to do, but they don't. It is just that they didn't know it was natural for feelings and thoughts to come back. It is common to believe that if something comes back, that means there is more to heal. (Even mental health practitioners and coaches think this!) And this is hazardous because it keeps people paying attention to the problems longer (when paying attention to the problem is the problem).

I saw a meme this morning that I stuck in the blog post that goes with this episode. It illustrates getting distance from our thoughts. Instead of focusing on the content of the thoughts, we are observing the thoughts. This distance and witnessing state immediately regulates our nervous system, decreasing our negative emotions. It gives three examples. In the first one, the person is saying, "I'm a failure" in the second one, the person is saying, "I have a thought that I am a failure," and in the third one, they say, "I am noticing that I have a thought that I am a failure."

See? You are out of the content of the thought. You are not trying to defend yourself from being called a failure or give testimony to why you think you are a failure. You are not debating how much of a failure you are and how your failure-dom will ruin your life and any relationships you have.

In these conservative examples,

"I'm a failure."

"I have a thought that I am a failure."

and then, "I am noticing that I have a thought that I am a failure."

The term failure became less and less meaningful as the distance between you and thought became greater.

So, in summary, compassion allows you to feel validated enough to let go of any figuring out that the mind wants to do, and you can let go. Then, you have to expect it to come back and practice not getting back into the content and taking your attention away. What do you think? What has been wreaking havoc on your mind that you would like to let go of?

Once you decide what you want to let go of, you can get to the fun part––planning your letting go ceremony. If you have the ebook or the audio version, I put a ceremony planning guide in the blog post with this episode; the link is in the show notes. Ceremonies are not weird or woo-woo. They are rooted in so much history, and they work to help you feel connected. You align and work with the energy around you, so you feel less and less vulnerable and instead feel empowered and backed up.

When you offer any intentions to the Earth, you feel supported by the beauty of nature instead of a victim of its chaos. During ceremonies, I always open space by asking for the permissions and protections of the ancestors of the land that I am on. At home in upstate NY, the ancestors are the Hodinöhsö:ni' (Haudenosaunee) people.

I'm a settler person in the US. That means I'm not indigenous to where I'm living. My ancestors came from somewhere else; in my instance, they came from Italy.

Especially as a settler person, it's important to honor the people who historically and rightfully lived in the unceded territory. If you don't know, you can look it up at native-land.ca . The link is in the show notes. An essential first step to stop ignoring that horrible history is acknowledging the atrocities of the settler people on the native communities and environment. You can bring this to your awareness by giving a land acknowledgment as often as possible.

That means to name the ancestors of the land you are on and acknowledge that the land was unceded. The Hodinöhsö:ni' did not leave by their own choice. They were forced to leave.

The beginning of the ceremony is a perfect time to do this. Native Americans have an anointed ancestry. They lived here and in harmony with the Earth for over 20,000 years. And if you intend to live in harmony, they will allow you to tap into that root. Asking for their permission is necessary to measure your intentions and actions to be kind and for the common good.

When I do it, I specifically ask that the intentions or commitments I celebrate in the ceremony be a blessing only to myself, my relations, my communities, and the Earth herself. I also ask for guidance on the next steps and forgiveness for any mistakes I make in the future. This invites consciousness into whatever I do.

When I am done with the ceremony, I listen for a moment. A bit of wisdom and understanding arise, which feels like the exact thing that I need to hear at the moment. Then, in gratitude, I offer a bit of fruit, bread, or a flower to the Earth to say thank you.

I will add more videos and resources in the blog post that go along with this episode. Follow the link in the show notes to head over and check them out. While you are there, say hello to me in the comments. Tell me about your ceremony and fill me in on how you are doing and feeling. Don't forget to subscribe to me on YouTube and Tiktok at Doctor Jodi.

Thank you so much for listing to this episode of Anxiety... I'm So Done with You! with me, Doctor Jodi.

In this episode, you learned the three steps to letting go.

I appreciate your subscribing, commenting, and leaving me five stars on apple podcasts. As always, there is a link in the show notes to the blog post for this episode that has the transcription and more resources for healing your brain, body, and spirit. Plus, you can come hang out with me on YouTube and TikTok at Doctor jodi.

The next episode will cover Chapter 4, Section 3: Embrace Realistic Expectations. Read or listen to that, and I will see you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

4:7 - Embrace Compassion

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Fri, 7 Jul 2023 12:00:00 +0000

Welcome to Season 4, Episode 7, which accompanies Chapter 4, Section 7, "Embrace Compassion.” I love this episode! In it, we'll discuss:

why you need compassion
how to give yourself compassion
and how, when you do, you mitigate (decrease) negative feelings

“People need other people to treat them like they matter. Again, some common examples of how to let someone know they matter are feeling appreciated, getting thanked for something you did, being noticed, acknowledged, published, picked, celebrated, touched, hugged, held, given compassion, feeling wanted, needed, having a purpose, and receiving compliments. We need those from others to feel good about ourselves. Other people need these from us so they feel good." - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

You can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Survival Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcription:

Because you can't get rid of anxiety when you're still being your own worst critic. You know what I’m talking about! You have been your own worst critic. I know that because it is very common and it is our culture that creates self critics. You don't how you treat yourself. You deserve kindness, compassion, and forgiveness. In this season, I will give you the practical tools to do that for yourself. Thank you for listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple Podcasts. Please spread the word about this book and series because mental health problems have dire consequences that inflict more pain on young people, their families, and their communities. And I would be grateful if you could help me turn the tide by sharing these tips for embracing self-love.

———

Hey its Dr. Jodi here. Welcome to this episode which accompanies Chapter 4, Section 7, Embrace Compassion. We are finishing Chapter 4, My Time to Shine, on connecting with and making peace with yourself. Today, we are talking about

why you need compassion
how to give yourself compassion
and how, when you do, you mitigate (decrease) negative feelings

While compassion has been a constant theme this whole series, it begs for its very own section of the book. It is that important. Compassion and self-compassion are essential to emotional healing and overall well-being. People want to matter. Mattering is a term introduced to the field of psychology by Morris Rosenberg and Claire McCullough in the 1980s. Mattering means knowing you have value and that other people see your worth, and also you see value in others. They write, "To believe that the other person cares about what we want, think, and do, or is concerned with our fate is to matter."

This is the thing: Any time you are hurt, there is a devaluing of something precious to you, about yourself, or an extension of you. For example, if someone no shows a plan they made with you, lots of feelings arise. You may feel sad because it had felt nice that they wanted to spend time with you. You may feel angry because they didn't respect you enough to cancel or reschedule ahead of time or hurt they disregarded your time and effort to get to the prearranged meeting spot. You are confused about how they feel about you because the experience made you feel unvalued.

Again, I'm giving a simple scenario as an example here so I don't trigger anyone with something more serious. Still, being no-showed by a friend or a romantic interest is relatable. It has happened to all of us, and it feels really crappy. Anyhow, you get the concept and can use this understanding to think about other ways people have hurt you. You hurt because someone has made you, or something or someone you love, feel devalued.

Understanding this points us to what you need to do to feel better: To be given value again. There are many ways to feel presently valued, such as feeling appreciated, getting thanked for something you did, being noticed, acknowledged, published, picked, celebrated, touched, hugged, held, given compassion, feeling wanted, needed, having a purpose, and receiving compliments, to name a few.

Mattering is particularly relevant to emerging adults because, developmentally, they are in the process of discovering who they are. In fact, studies show that the more teens feel valued, the less depression and anxiety they experience. Unfortunately, what's even more evidence for the need to feel valued is that most suicidal behavior happens after an incident of bullying, exclusion, or rejection, all of which are highly devaluing to a person's sense of self.

People need other people to treat them like they matter. Again, some common examples of how to let someone know they matter are feeling appreciated, getting thanked for something you did, being noticed, acknowledged, published, picked, celebrated, touched, hugged, held, given compassion, feeling wanted, needed, having a purpose, and receiving compliments. We need those from others to feel good about ourselves. Other people need these from us so they feel good. Relationships are a two-way street. These very essential needs are why I suggest you surround yourself with good, uplifting people. This is not because you can't give value to yourself. You can. (And I will go over that in this episode.)

However, you are only a self in relationship. This means you draw your sense of self from what you see reflected off the people around you. When they are positive, you see yourself positively. When you give and sustain positive self-worth, self-trust, and self-esteem, you draw from these positive relationships. If you are isolated or spend significant time with abusive people, doing that becomes harder and harder.

You are already fighting against American society's unrealistic expectations. Like, others in Western countries, you have been trained to be unnaturally modest and humble, lest you think "too highly of yourself." This, unfortunately, makes it feel dishonorable to have a good self-imagine. Rather, your ego tells you to stoically think you are "supposed to see all of the things about you that fall short of being 'enough' and be trying to fix them." In the guise of protecting you from being excluded, the human ego causes so much more suffering.

Back to mattering: To summarize: You want to (need to) matter. When you have at least one person in your life who values you, you can push against unrealistic societal expectations to validate and have compassion for yourself. Let's go into how to have self-compassion, even if it is a review for some of you who remember me speaking about this before.

During my whole career, over 25 years, I have seen the unrealistic expectation for over-modesty and humility cause undue shame and block self-compassion, causing undeserved and intense emotional turmoil. You have been encultured to judge yourself. If you are not actively granting yourself compassion and would only be if someone taught you to, the judging can get out of hand quickly. And this judgment attaches you to whatever negative feelings provoke it, exponentially increasing it. For example, if someone hurt you and you thought you should get over it fast. That judgment creates more chaos. You have to defend yourself, trying to tell yourself that you are "not that bad," which makes you judge yourself harder. To counter this defense, you start to prove that you are that horrible, and you also can get lost trying to figure out why you are so horrible. You see, it adds turmoil.

However, if someone hurt you and you felt hurt but had compassion for this feeling, there's no conflict. You are allowed to feel, and the feelings can process, and when they are processed, storied, and understood, it dissipates.

In this section of the book, I use the example of anger. People always tell me that they want to get rid of anger. They hate it, are embarrassed by it, scared that it will make them lose out on things or will make people leave them, and are ashamed of it. Never mind that most of the things that make us angry would make anyone angry.

Also, sometimes when we are triggered, we get angry because anger is so much easier to feel than loss or hurt. I should say that at first, it seems easier to feel. Because anger quickly feels out of control, which makes us feel very uncomfortable. People get angry and then angry at themselves for being angry. Unfortunately, both of those reactions get lumped together and sometimes make us feel like we are overreacting to the original anger trigger, which increases negative self-judgment and on and on it snowballs. You all know what I mean when I use the snowball metaphor, right? Rolling a ball of snow collects more snow and gets bigger and bigger.

I recently watched a speaker say that feeling uncomfortable or awkward is a sign of rapid learning. He went on to say that you stop or learning slowly when you are comfortable and cozy. (Learning that made me uncomfortable, 😂). It flipped the script I had about discomfort. Even though I have done intentional work on leaning into unease for years, I still, well, feel uncomfortable about being uncomfortable. I am not alone here. Discomfort is too often associated with a problem, vulnerability, or a sign that you are unsafe. It bothers you. Remember from Chapter 1 that when you are bothered, your adrenaline gets triggered. But, if you took to heart what was expressed in this video by thinking, "I'm learning something here," when you feel discomfort. This changes the connotation or meaning of your feelings, changing how you experience those feelings. Your mammalian brain overrides the "bothered" reptilian brain.

Now, if you feel anger and had compassion you'd allow yourself to feel the anger. You do this by acknowledging to yourself that you understand the anger and why you feel it. Saying "I get it" to yourself. If you do that, you'd feel validated and wouldn't have to champion the hurt. You know what I mean. When your feelings are invalidated, you have to defend the hurt, hoping that convincing someone (or yourself) WHY you are hurt to encourage them to give you validation. When you defend the hurt, it grows in power and intensity. When you provide yourself with compassion, the feelings don't get worse. They get better.

So this is how you give yourself compassion. Whatever you feel, it doesn't matter what it is; you say, "I get it. I get why I feel that way. This makes sense in the context of what is going on." A nonverbal feeling also goes along with this, and if I were to describe it, it feels like you are giving yourself a hug –– like you are holding yourself.

When people experience trauma, they have a sense of being un-held or abandoned. Sometimes that is attached to a person (like a particular person abandoned you). And other times, it is a general sense that you are alone and vulnerable during this experience that overwhelms your senses. Anxiety, unworthiness, or depression can also be described as feeling untethered. And so holding yourself is a remedy. Feeling held roots you back into connectedness. This holding feels like being seen, accepted, and mattering, which robustifies your sense of self and gives you the strength to move forward.

This is the magic of self-compassion. It's amazing! Although it is free and easy to practice, it creates greater physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual impact than anything else you can do this readily, in a way we need so desperately in our world.

I'll leave you here for this episode. That wraps up Chapter 4, My Time To Shine. In this chapter, I have given you the tools to embrace your whole self. You are embracing your humanity by accepting yourself: your hopes, dreams, skills, commitments, and values, and also your vulnerabilities, mistakes, and shortcomings. You are human, and that means you are not meant to be perfect. We usually have it the wrong way around thinking perfect opens access to your hopes and desires, but it is the opposite. Perfection is limiting. It makes you rigid, anxious, and focused on things that don't matter, taking your attention away from things that do. It's mistakes and discomfort that enhance your learning, therefore unlimting you.

Allow yourself to be human. Embrace this humanity. Humans are pretty cool, smart, and resilient beings. We are capable of so much. It is easier to tap your huge potential when you stop trying to be perfect and just allow yourself to be the you that you are meant to be.

Thank you so much for joining me in this season. I appreciate your subscribing, commenting, and leaving me five stars on Apple Podcasts. If you want practical tips for your brain, body, and spirit, hang out with me on YouTube and TikTok at Doctor Jodi.

Next up is Chapter 5, Self-Care is the New Health Care. I love Chapter 5. I think you will love it too. Read Section 1, and I'll see you in the next episode.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

4:3 Embrace Realistic Expectations

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Fri, 7 Jul 2023 12:00:00 +0000

In this episode, which follows Chapter 4, Section 3: Embrace Realistic Expectations, I review how this culture's unrealistic expectations support your feelings of inadequacy. You'll learn how to

Spot your specific unrealistic expectations.
Get rid of them
Embrace realistic expectations to help you grow and succeed.

My goal is to encourage you to be kinder and gentle with yourself and see your abilities and agency instead of your inadequacies and shortcomings.

Unrealistic expectations immobilize, invalidate, and stress you out. Many of them are affecting you under the radar. They are taken for granted as truths and needs. But, they aren’t. Unrealistic expectations are a product of Western culture. In this episode, I show you how they came into your life and then take you through an exercise to pinpoint them and shift them into realistic expectations (like goals and commitments) that charge you up and motivate you.

"When you think of things as experiences instead of problems, you see yourself as less of a victim and more of an experiencer (or experimenter). This is, for sure, empowering. But it also frees you from urgently making meaning to restore order in chaotic situations. When you see things as "problems," you make meaning with the purpose of finding out, "How do I get out of this feeling now?" And, when you have to make meaning urgently, blame is the most common place to land. But blame sucks and makes the problem worse." - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

You can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Survival Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcription:

Because you can't get rid of anxiety when you're still being your own worst critic. You know what I mean! You have been your own worst critic, and you don't deserve that. You deserve kindness, compassion, and forgiveness. In this season, I will give you the practical tools to do that for yourself. Thank you for listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple Podcasts. Please spread the word about this book and series because mental health problems have dire consequences that inflict more pain on young people, their families, and their communities. And I would be grateful if you could help me turn the tide by sharing these tips for embracing self-love.

Welcome to the episode that accompanies Chapter 4, Section 3: Embrace Realistic Expectations

In this episode,

We'll review how this culture's unrealistic expectations support your feelings of inadequacy.
We'll expose your specific unrealistic expectations.
And then, go over a method for embracing realistic expectations that will help you grow and succeed.

Chapter 4, Section 3 in the book is very simple and short because most of it is a review until you get to the What's in Your Hand? activity. I am a practical learner myself. I like to learn by doing. (I get frustrated with teachers who tell me what to do later.) I want to try it right now and feel what it feels like to do it. I learn through experience, so that is how I'll teach you about unrealistic expectations.

I facilitate an ongoing therapeutic support group for empaths. Empaths are highly sensitive people. They're sensitive to people's emotions, and often feel feelings from people and places around them in addition to their own. I teach them how to tell the difference. so they On January 1st, 2023, one of the members texted the group chat. She said for this new year, and she intended to see things as experiences rather than problems. It made me think about how we make meaning through our Western culture's lens of fear, high expectations, and deficit mentality significantly. Those negatively inform how we think about what happens to us, causing unnecessary emotional turmoil.

When you think of things as experiences instead of problems, you see yourself as less of a victim and more of an experiencer (or experimenter). This is, for sure, empowering. But it also frees you from urgently making meaning to restore order in chaotic situations. When you see things as "problems," you make meaning with the purpose of finding out, "How do I get out of this feeling now?" And, when you have to make meaning urgently, blame is the most common place to land. But blame sucks and makes the problem worse.

When you think about things as experiences the meaning-making purpose changes. The question you are asking, in this case, is, "What is this experience?" You may not even need to make meaning, but instead, let the meaning show up when it wants to. You can keep observing, feeling, intending, and responding in the meantime.

Naming it an experience puts you in the witness role, which, as you know, if you have been listening to all previous episodes, gives you an immediate distance from the chaos. It gives you a big-picture view with a unique perspective to understand and relate to everything in a purposeful and intentional way rather than being blindly driven by negative emotions.

That group member had a brilliant, simple idea: to think about problems as experiences. I like the word experiences because it doesn't insinuate that we must see it positively somehow. Like, "Instead of problems, they are blessings," or "Instead of crisis, think of them as opportunities." I don't think those are helpful.

I also don't believe "Everything happens for a reason." And, I don't think "everything happens for a reason" is as helpful as people think it is. Sometimes it can be harmful because accidents happen, some things are nonsensical, and life is much more complicated than that!

When you use the word "experience," it doesn't dismiss injustice, abuse, or oppression like the words "blessings" and "opportunities" do. Experience doesn't suggest that it doesn't matter that bad things have happened to you because it does matter. Thinking about it as an experience allows you to be upset because you are human. However, you're not panicking, nor are you drowning in the chaos of a problem, which means you take less stress into your nervous system. That way, you'll have more access to your inner wisdom to respond to what is happening in ways that support you and your future.

When I was recovering from my anxiety, I started to think about life as experiences instead of problems, too. My anxiety had me afraid of future possibilities of trauma. I was terrified of something awful happening to me or someone I loved. But something shifted when I thought I would have experiences instead of traumas. It changed my perspective of them. I felt empowered as a witness of my life rather than a passive recipient of these terrible things. It was the utter helplessness that triggered my anxiety. The power I held as a witness instead of a victim meant I wasn't totally helpless. I could respond.

I learned this while studying A Course in Miracles, which is a spiritual text that touts everything is love. It teaches that false meaning-making, including judgment and fear, gets in the way of experiencing everything as love. When you go through the book, there are daily practices that help you strip off your lifelong history of meaning-making, so you can see everything as love. The first exercise in the book tells you to: Sit in a room and look around. Whatever you see, say:

This table does not mean anything.

This chair does not mean anything.

This hand does not mean anything.

This foot does not mean anything.

This pen does not mean anything.

During this, you are removing the meaning around these everyday objects. Letting go of what you know opens space for new meaning to come forth that is not from your ego. The practice is challenging because it equalizes everything. Your grandma's necklace means the same as the tree outside the window and the same as the cupcake you baked to bring to your friend for their birthday.

Okay, let me tie it all together with the unrealistic expectations I am supposed to discuss in this episode. Expectations have the meaning you give them. You think you have to be this way, or that way to belong, and then, you begin to believe it is true that you have to be this or that. It's an idea, but your mind gives it a truth status. For example, "My hair has to look perfect today," can easily become a truth about what you need to do. Here's a tip: Always question expectations, wants, and desires that use the words need, must, should, or have to.

Sometimes these words are just a figure of speech, but most of the time, the brain hears these expressions as a standard of success- as if they define whether we are acceptable or unacceptable. That, my dears, is black-and-white thinking. There is no absolutely acceptable or absolutely unacceptable. The word "acceptable" is relative (I mean acceptable to who or for what?). We don't even know. These expectations sound truths, but there's no substance to them.

You give unrealistic expectations meaning because you have been encultured to believe you need to have them and meet them, or you will be kicked out of society. From this belief, you end up putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Plus, you don't really know how high the expectation is supposed to be, so you overshoot to get it "right." You can't overshoot perfection, but you can try. But it's like being on a hamster wheel. All efforting and not getting anywhere will not feel good or do anything good for you.

People often think that unrealistic expectations keep them motivated. They mistakenly assume that they would not get anything done if they were kinder to themselves. But, I witness unrealistic expectations getting in the way of people's productivity all the time. The pressure and stress about them make people's resistance rise. It even brings out obstinance, making people refuse to try at something, even something they want to happen, saying things like, "There's no point! I am going to fail anyway. Why put the effort in?"

Okay, not everyone lets that stop them, but even if the undercurrents are there, and even if it just makes you feel guilty, but you keep going, your bandwidth is used up for no good reason.

Unrealistic expectations are the basis of all negative self-judgment. Because we have these unrealistic expectations, people in our culture judge ourselves so much.

Sometimes, we don't think about these unrealistic expectations as expectations. They are so ingrained and much of the time implicit. Again, implicit means that they are unseen but still there and affecting you. You feel the pressure of unrealistic expectations even when you don't explicitly think about them. However, once you take them out into the open and look at them, you can change them to realistic expectations.

Realistic expectations are good for you. They keep you charged up and feeling purposeful. They help you grow by having you push the edge between what you can do and what you desire––to expand the bounds of your consciousness, skills, understandings, and relationships.

Do you have any adults in your life who expect you to do well? You know those teachers who are gung ho and believe in you. They don't come across as stern or pressuring but uplifting. Do you know those kinds of teachers? They motivate you, don't they? They have confidence in you and your abilities. It is as if they hold the candle of that confidence and pass the flame to your candle. You can see your success through their eyes, which gives you the confidence to put effort in and succeed.

That's great if you have adults or friends who believe in you. It helps if you have that because sometimes you probably get down on yourself and need someone to hold the candle for you for a bit. They can re-light your candle when you need it. You can also be that person for someone else––that cheerleader who believes that your friends can do what they want and need to do.

Over the years, the most meaningful feedback that my clients have given to me is that they feel my belief in them. People have mad skills; they can do so much. When I get to know someone, I learn about their uniqueness and, through that, learn how they can overcome the problem they came to me for. Over the decades, I have honed the ability to discover people's skills quickly. This is how I do it: I don't try to fix them as soon as they come in my door. When people are upset, it scares the people around them, who then respond out of fear, trying to fix it. It decenters the person upset, taking the focus off of them.

When you are not afraid, because you know people get better and listen as they talk, you see that people have so many skills. I hear them, recognize them as skills and then, reflect them back to them. That is when things start to shift for them. I don't make up their skills. They have them. I just know how to ask and discover them, and so they show them to me, even when they are not visible to themself. I simply reflect back what I have heard. It's authentic, which is why it works so well.

I will share more about being a good listener in the next episode, and I have put my video about how to be a good friend in the blog post that goes with this episode with more videos on lowering unrealistic expectations.

Okay, believing in yourself and having that build confidence is the opposite of getting stalled on unrealistic expectations. At the end of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, he is able to produce a powerful patronus because he knows that he had before. Knowing you can is a powerful confidence booster. If you don't know that movie, I will drop a clip to that in the blog post, too.

Alternately, your mind can make "not KNOWING that you can" stall you. You might think, I'll do it when I know I can. How will you know you can unless you do it? You need to do it to see that you can. The best way to do to build confidence is to keep trying new things. That way, trying things you are unsure of becomes familiar rather than foreign, decreasing that biological and mental resistance.

Okay, back to the exercise in the What's in Your Hand? activity of this Section of the book. You are visibilizing your unrealistic expectations. In the book, I give many examples, because they are so deep inside you need to warm up seeing them, so you can get them out from the depths and visible where you can do something about them.

Here are some examples:

I need to act cool at all times.

I need to hide my femininity.

I need to know what the teacher means.

I need to have perfect makeup every day.

I can't make waves.

I need to ace this test.

Please read the whole list I gave you in the book. Because we want to make these implicit expectations explicit so you have control. And then, begin a list of your unrealistic expectations. Once they start coming out, you may think of more and more. Write them all down and then read them over. Ridiculous? Read these over with a friend, too. You will be surprised by how many you have in common. It's sad to think of your friend putting that pressure on themselves. Seeing it through how it is happening to them gives you the distance to think of your own as ridiculous too.

Have compassion for yourself. You are not crazy for having this list of unrealistic expectations. It is a normal part of growing up in a colonized culture. However, now that you know these are NOT TRUTHS, and not necessary for you to reach, you can re-write them. (Or, you can get rid of them altogether, which is okay, too.)

You cannot get rid of some of them because there is something there that is important to you, for example: "I need to know what the teacher means." You want to do well in the class and don't want to throw that value out. But, implicit in "I need to know what the teacher means" is a lack of trust in yourself. You are judging that you didn't grok it from the first way they gave directions. You are worried that you won't figure it out on your own.

When you re-write this expectation, it looks like this: "I am interested in understanding, and I can take some action to research or ask questions, but I can also be patient because as I begin the homework, the directions will probably start to make more sense." You can hear in my voice that there is less energy and attachment than I need to know what the teacher means!!

When you say, I am interested in understanding, and I can take some action to research or ask questions, I can also be patient because as I start the homework, the directions will probably begin to make more sense; there's a plan of how to go forward, but nothing to hook judgment on. The book has more examples for you to help you integrate this. I also added them to the blog post to assist you.

Keep going. List all your unrealistic expectations–– and dig deep here. While you are doing it, you might as well clear out as much negative thinking as possible. Use this time while it is at the top of your mind to adjust all the unrealistic expectations that you can. Expose them and debunk them, and be free of them.

Thank you so much for listing to this episode of Anxiety... I'm So Done with You! with me, Doctor Jodi.

In this episode,

You learned how expectations have the meaning that you give them.
You heard how that meaning is influenced by your past and cultural standards of being good enough
You learned that once you visibilize expectations, you have the power to change them.
Lastly, I gave examples of how you do that.

The next episode will cover Chapter 4, Section 4: Embrace Connection. Read or listen to that, and I will see you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

4:6 Embrace Hope

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Fri, 7 Jul 2023 12:00:00 +0000

Welcome to Season 4, Episode 6, which accompanies Chapter 4, Section 6, "Embrace Hope." In this episode, we'll discuss:

why people self-harm
activities that help you feel better
why people think about suicide
what are intrusive thoughts and how to get rid of them

And, though this whole book is hopefully making you feel better, we will talk about something can do while you're waiting.

“There is one guarantee in life, and that is: change. Things don't stay the same. What you feel right now is not going to stay this way. Sometimes you are suffering, and you want to stop suffering, and also, you are scared that the change in suffering will feel out of control. While you are suffering, it is a "suffering that you know," so even though it feels out of control, it also feels in control. This, as you can imagine, keeps you stuck here. You are not crazy for feeling that contradiction." - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

You can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Survival Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcription:

Because you can't get rid of anxiety when you're still being your own worst critic. You know what I mean! You have been your own worst critic, and you don't deserve that. You deserve kindness, compassion, and forgiveness. In this season, I will give you the practical tools to do that for yourself. Thank you for listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple Podcasts. Please spread the word about this book and series because mental health problems have dire consequences that inflict more pain on young people, their families, and their communities. And I would be grateful if you could help me turn the tide by sharing these tips for embracing self-love.

————-

Welcome to this episode, where we will discuss self-harm and thinking about suicide. These are intense topics and can be triggering for some people. If this is a sensitive topic for you, I suggest getting a friend or family member to listen to it with you. In fact, if self-harm and or thinking about suicide is something you are familiar with, I want to encourage and plead with you to please tell someone today. Don't wait.

I understand what you are going through; I mean, not exactly, everyone has different contexts of their lives, but I know what it is like to feel deep pain. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you don't have to live feeling this horrible forever, and hopefully, you won't feel this bad for much longer. People do get better, even after feeling this bad, and you deserve that, too. And you deserve help to get better. Maybe negative thinking is telling you you don't deserve it, but it is lying. You deserve support, and you need it right now. So I want you to reach out. Don't tell a peer or someone who has been unreliable in the past. They may mean well and love you but not be sure of themselves enough to know what to do. Please tell an adult that you can trust.

If you do not have a problem with self-harm or thinking about suicide, you may know some friends who do and do not know what to do about it. Again, this is too big to hold yourself. Let your friend know that you are worried about them and want to let someone know so that you can help them feel better. In the blog post for this episode, I link to my article about how to support a friend if they are going through this. If you need that, you can check that out. The link is in the show notes.

Being a therapist has taught me a lot about these topics; for one, people often engage in them for different reasons, so it is not ideal that this episode is about both. But in another sense, thinking about suicide and using self-harm are both acts of wanting to stop feeling so bad, so they do have something in common. However, this is the thing; they don't help you stop feeling bad. Instead, they make you feel crazy and out of control, worsening the situation exponentially. Luckily, I wrote this book section and made this podcast to get you better without hurting yourself. If it is hard to listen to, make it a point to do some hearty self-care like taking a bath, cuddling up and watching a funny movie, or taking a long walk outside with a friend.

In this episode,

I will acknowledge why people start and continue self-harming behaviors so that they don't feel as crazy anymore,
Once we make their purpose explicit, adopting other behaviors that will bring you much better results in controlling your emotions will be easier.
Then, I will list examples of those other behaviors. After that,
We will talk about why people think about suicide (separating the wish to die from intrusive thoughts about death and suicide so that you know the difference.)

And, though this whole book is hopefully making you feel better, we will talk about something can do while you're waiting to for relief.

Let's get started.

There is one guarantee in life, and that is: change. Things don't stay the same. What you feel right now is not going to stay this way. Sometimes you are suffering, and you want to stop suffering, and also, you are scared that the change in suffering will feel out of control. While you are suffering, it is a "suffering that you know," so even though it feels out of control, it feels in control, like enough that we want to hold on to that sense of control. This, as you can imagine, keeps you stuck here. You are not crazy for feeling that contradiction. That is a common way to feel. But it is actually making things worse for you. I promise. If you change for the better, it is, by definition, better than this. Not worse. This is a tactic of the negative thinking to get you to keep it, to tell you that you would feel out of control if it wasn't there. When you stop paying attention to the negative thinking, you will feel so much more in control of your life, not less control. Never less control.

Okay, first, let's talk about self-harm. Why do people engage in self-harm? Now, this isn't universal, but it is a common reason: People mostly engage in self-harm because they feel overwhelmed by their emotions and decide that transferring that to physical pain seems to relieve the emotional pain. And while it does have that effect, it doesn't last very long. For some people, it only lasts a moment before they feel out of control again. And, not always, but too often, the trigger for feeling out of control again is negatively judging yourself for this behavior. So people engage in self-harm and then, implicitly or explicitly, tell themselves: "Only crazy people do this," "I have to do this," "Why do I need this?" "What's wrong with me?" "This is my life now," "I can't handle things," "I need this." or "I am someone who needs this."

After someone engages in self-harm, they feel out of control, making them feel worse. So at the moment, they feel worse, but also it makes their depression and anxiety worse overall. In addition, harming oneself has other negative consequences that I list in the book for you.

All of this energy, even if you are not aware of it because it's in your subconscious, makes self-harm something that is very easy to get hooked on. You are not compelled to do it because something is wrong with you. By the nature of it, is it just an easy thing for humans to get attached to. I am telling you that because––not knowing that–attaches you more. Thinking it is you that is the problem always makes you worse. You are not the problem. Self-harm is the problem. You are a person with a problem. It is human to attach to a problem, but it causes suffering, and so we want to get you out of there. The more you are attached, the harder it is to stop. It is possible to detach and feel better. It can be challenging, but it is possible.

From my work over the years, I have learned the secret to stopping self-harm. You have to decide to stop. Seems simple, right? Most people who engage in self-harm think that they need to continue it. They feel compelled by the attachment and assume they have no choice in the matter. They think they simply cannot withstand the pain without being able to relieve it somehow. They literally use words like "I need to" and then believe in that like it is the truth.

However, when people realize that is not the truth and when they realize that the risks of engaging in self-harm outweigh the fleeting benefits of it, they decide to stop. And then, they stop.

If they ever decide they need it again, they start again. And then, if they decide to stop again, they stop. When they are not conscious of this, they think they have no control over it. They don't see that they are deciding to do it or not do it. And I understand that it doesn't, at all, feel like a decision. But it is a decision.

It's only once you realize that you have the agency to make that decision that you have the freedom to make it. The belief that you can is all you need here. Believe that you can do what you want to do. The negative thoughts want you to think they are in control, but they aren't.

Some people want to continue to engage in self-harm, but it is usually because they feel like they need to. It falsely feels like one thing they have that is theirs to control. But you have a lot in your life that you can control, and this chapter is all about helping you see that.

Okay, now that you know it is about transferring emotional pain to physical pain, you can see that there are other options for you besides self-harm. Think of exercise or challenging physical movements. This is why people sprint, lift weights, and push themselves physically. There is such a focus on the body when your muscles are burning from the lactic acid, which helps you get out of your mind. This is why yoga and working out are so good for people who have experienced trauma. It gets them out of their head and into their body. So walk, lift weights, do push-ups or swats, rearrange furniture, organize a closet, learn a new trick on a bike, skateboard, or something like that. Do something physical that is hard. Not only will it take you out of the emotional overwhelm, but it will also be good for your body and build your confidence in overcoming challenges.

Treat the desire to engage in self-harm as any other intrusive thought we've spoken about in this series, just like any anxiety chatter, self-doubt, worry, or negative idea. "Hey, 'feeling like I want to cut,' I knew you'd come back, just have a seat, I am busy right now." Then get yourself engaged in an activity. Don't judge, get upset, or worry about it coming. You don't want to attach to it with that kind of energy. Expect it, notice when it comes, and tell it to take a seat.

There are apps out there that track your days free from self-harm. I recommend this because it is excellent to chart and celebrate this achievement. You will feel so good about yourself as you see the days add up.

Okay, next, we are going to touch on suicide. In this episode, I aim to encourage you to hope things will not stay this way. There is light at the end of this tunnel if you stick around. You need to believe it is there because it makes it easier to get it. Remember, thinking that you will never get better is the biggest obstacle to getting better.

If this is something you think about, this episode is not the only thing you need. Don't try to do this alone, and don't only tell a peer. In this time in the world, most teenagers are struggling, so they may not have the bandwidth or the skills to help you in the way you deserve. Please also tell a trusted adult. People get better when they have help, and you deserve this help.

Okay, there are a lot of reasons people might think about suicide. Mostly, they feel a loss of hope that things can get better or that there is a social situation that feels unresolvable. And, if this deep sadness makes a person isolate themselves, which it often does, it also can come with feeling like you don't care if you ever get better. So you can feel the grief that you won't get better, the disinterest in getting better, or a bit of both. Human emotions are highly contradictory. That's normal.

Thoughts of suicide mostly come after a rejection, worry about an impending rejection, fear of being different, experiences of abandonment, loss, being bullied, or failing or perception of failing something. These experiences can feel impossible to come back from. They are not impossible to come back from, but they definitely feel that way.

Death feels like an escape and potential relief from the unresolvable suffering. If someone is going through intense emotional pain, of course, they would want to escape, right? It would be weirder if they didn't. I know I just said that severely isolated people don't care if they feel better, but that is a different situation. Typically, people don't want to feel pain, even when the monkey is trying to tell them that they deserve it, they don't want it.

So thinking about suicide is understandable. We don't want people to die, but we can understand what triggers it.

So lay down your negative self-judgments if you are or have ever thought about suicide. And take into your heart that you can get better. I know so many middle-aged people who felt suicidal or attempted suicide when they were teens, and they have vibrant and happy lives now. Thank God they did not die or would have missed out on so much goodness. Unfortunately, I also know many people who have died by suicide, and we'll never know how their life could have turned out. Death by suicide among adolescents is rising, especially after the pandemic. You can stop this from happening to you.

There's another phenomenon that I want to mention here. It’s a little different than suicidal thoughts and behaviors from depression and anxiety. It is that sometimes people think about suicide in the course of their normal activities, and this freaks them out. They:

See a knife and think about stabbing themselves
Are standing waiting for the subway and imagining jumping on the track
Picture themselves crashing their car

Having these visuals feel unnatural and crazy, but it's not. It is actually so common that there is a term for it. It's called the "call of the void." Life Science says the call of the void is "a brief, entirely out of character…thought of leaping from a high place or driving headfirst into an oncoming vehicle." It is widespread and normal.

However, if you don’t know that it is normal and especially if you are sad anyway or going through a hard time (and what teenager is not?) and then, you experience the “Call of the void,” you may assume it is connected to the saddness. And so, you become very concerned about yourself for having this thought.

The energy that this worry brings attaches you to the thought and it gets pulled into your consciousness over and over again. Then it feels like, "Oh no, I am thinking about this so much!" "Why?" this invites curiosity and more worried meaning-making, which feeds it more energy and attention. When you don't know what it is, it could take you down a really dark rabbit hole. It feels like you are sad and thinking about death all the time. It feels out of control, and you get more overwhelmed and think about it more, and then it gets worse and worse.

Alternately, if you felt the call of the void, and you were like, "Oh interesting, that's the call of the void. Weird and wacky stuff!" and then went on with your day, that visualization wouldn't come back to you over and over again. It just wouldn't garner the energy and attachment and soon fade away. You give it meaning, which means you control how to think of it and that affects how you feel about it.

I’m letting you know because sometimes I get people in my office that have become obsessed with their call-of-the-void scenarios. Sometimes it is so painful that death seems like a relief. In fact, people often assume it is the only escape from the torture their thoughts are putting them through. I witness this enough to know that this is a common problem. If this sounds like you, please know that you can get rid of these thoughts and feel better again. I made a video on intrusive thoughts like the call of the void that is embedded in the blog post that goes with this episode. The link is in the show notes. I’m convinced that if more people knew about this, we can save lives.

We are coming to the close of this episode, but I want you to know If you are or have ever thought about suicide, I am so glad that you are here. I love you, and I am thinking about you. Because you are listening to this, it seems like you have decided to live, at least for today. You may be exhausted and not have any energy to do anything for yourself. That is why you need to get some help. You deserve to get some help. Tell someone today.

In the meantime, as long as you are here, why not do some easy activities that you can do even when you are exhausted? They help! Even if you relieve a mere smidge of pain, it is worth it because that may give you the energy for the next step in the healing process.

I made an animated video with some ideas for some easy activities that you can do. I put that in the blog post that goes with this episode. You can check that out. All the resources I mentioned and some extra ones are also in the post. The link is in the show notes.

Thank you so much for sticking with me through this episode of "Anxiety... I'm So Done with You! "with me, Doctor Jodi.

We got through this challenging content together. Please know that happy times are coming in your future as long as we keep bridging the gap between where you are now to where you hope to be. We've got this. Let's keep you moving along with these episodes until you get there.

In this episode,

We discussed the why's and what to dos about self-harm and suicide. Hopefully, I paved a road for you to ease your way out of these dark places. We are not done. We are not leaving you here on this road alone. You are going to find some help, and I will keep talking to you in these episodes, showing you the light. The next one is compassion. It will feel like a fluffy robe that you wrap around yourself for its softness and warmth.

I appreciate your subscribing, commenting, and leaving me five stars on Apple Podcasts. If you want practical tips for your brain, body, and spirit, hang out with me on YouTube and TikTok at Doctor Jodi.

Read Chapter 4, Section 7, and I'll see you in the next episode.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

4:1 Embrace Making Meaning

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Fri, 7 Jul 2023 04:00:00 +0000

In this episode, which follows Chapter 4, Section 1: Embrace Making Meaning, I address humans' need for order and meaning. You'll learn:

How humans crave order
Why "blame" is the low-hanging fruit
How to take control over your meaning-making

I guide you through understanding fear, guilt, and shame so they no longer control you. And I teach you how to make meaning in ways that will help you heal. This episode is going to change your life.

Humans crave order. When you go through traumatic or challenging events, your mind and emotions experience chaos and disorder. On top of the intense emotions from the situation, the confusion makes you feel more powerless and out of control. In an attempt to regulate yourself, your mind desperately tries to grab order from wherever you can. In this episode, I explain how this leads to problematic thinking, making you feel even worse.

Luckily, once you understand what is happening (and realize that it doesn't mean you are crazy!), you can override it. In fact, you will hear the exact script I use to calm myself and create rooted meaning around an event. Using this script, you can heal your past, recover your agency, and feel empowered in your life.

"People often resist healing because they think letting go means it's okay that someone did something terrible. Staying suffering because the other person doesn't deserve to get away with it is like drinking poison and waiting for that other person to die. You deserve to heal, and that is all that matters. Not healing gives the person who hurt you continued power over you." - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

You can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Survival Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcription

Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is Season 4 of "Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!" This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. If you're new here, grab a copy of my book "Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!" because this series goes section by section through it, going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. In this season, which follows Chapter 4, we're finally focusing on you making peace with yourself.

Because you can't get rid of anxiety when you're still being your own worst critic. You know what I mean! You have been your own worst critic, and you don't deserve that. You deserve kindness, compassion, and forgiveness. In this season, I will give you the practical tools to do that for yourself. Thank you for listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple Podcasts. Please spread the word about this book and series because mental health problems have dire consequences that inflict more pain on young people, their families, and their communities. And I would be grateful if you could help me turn the tide by sharing these tips for embracing self-love.

Welcome to Chapter 4, Section 1: Embrace Making Meaning. This episode will be a good one. In fact, this whole season will be awesome. If nothing else, it will be relieving because guilt, shame, and negative self-blame account for almost all of our suffering.

In this episode, we are going to talk about:

humans’ need for order,

how we get it when we desperately need it

how it influences our meaning-making in very negative ways

how you can consistently make meaning of events from your past in a way that heals your mind, body, and soul.

Ready? Let's start with fear.

There is a point to the sensation of fear. You feel the emotion of fear in order to call your attention to something. Once your attention is there, your decision-making takes over, and you decide what action to take. At the point when your mind takes over, there is no more need for fear.

Guilt is the same way. There is a similar purpose. You feel the emotion of guilt in order to call your attention to something. And from there, what is supposed to happen is your mind is supposed to take over so you can decide what it is you want to do to respond and do it. Once you are on to the decision-making and action-taking, the guilt itself is no longer needed. If this emotional regulation system went smoothly, that would be great. We would do the tasks we wanted to restore relationships, repair any damage, and commit to being better the next time. However, it only sometimes works that well, especially if we already think negatively about ourselves. The guilt, shame, and blame get stuck in our consciousness, snowballing the past stories of similar feelings and worrying us that everyone will know how bad we are. Not only are we suffering from the overthinking and rumination of these self-blame narratives, but we can also get immobilized by them and so stuck in more and more overwhelming feelings of guilt. So we have all the guilt and no relationships.

In the book, I shared my favorite anecdote that illustrates the mechanisms that increase our guilt, shame, and blame. I am going to share it again here to dive deeper into it.

First of all, humans like order. We crave it because it makes us feel safe and in control. Feelings of powerlessness trigger stress. Therefore, when we are under stress, we crave order more. In other words, we crave safety and control more.

I will use an example of a human's response to chaos to help illustrate this concept. Nature is chaotic. If you were to stand in a forest, there is no order to the angle trees grow, the balance of lush branches versus sparse ones, the size of trunks, where plants grow and fail to grow, and the height and shape of the underbrush. There are reasons for these, but not a crystalline structure to a forest. It is chaotic.

If I were to leave you in that forest, sitting under a tree for a few hours by yourself, and asked you to stay put until I returned, I would probably return to find you have implemented some order in your small space. You might have created a soft pile of moss to sit on, lined up different shape rocks in a pattern, or kept yourself busy braiding small branches or tall grasses.

Unless you were a seasoned meditator or had fallen asleep, it would be hard to do nothing while sitting idly in that chaos. Your mind would be looking for something to do. If you are an overthinker or have a history of negative thinking––which is pretty much most of us––these few hours of forced stillness could instigate worry, frustration, and loneliness.

Order, or elements of order, help you feel empowered. Making a game with sticks and rocks, digging a hole, and decorating your small area, would give you something to do, which is experienced as empowerment or re-claiming order. You are connected with your agency and authority in a situation, even when there are limits on you.

In life, there are always limits anyway. You have limits on your energy, your time, and your money. There are rules that limit you; accessibility can limit you; lack of skills or other people's boundaries can restrict you. Anxiety wants you to see the powerlessness in these limits, so you stay focused on feeling vulnerable. However, there are an unlimited amount of things you can do within those limits. For example, you have, on average, 16 hours awake each day. You can sleep less and add a bit onto that, but you can't add onto the 24 hours that you have in a day. However, within the time you are awake, there are countless decisions, choices, and abilities on how to use that time, even when there are some obligations in there. You can get frustrated by the limits, which will soak up more energy, or you can focus on what you have control over, and then that attention will open more space and energy for more choices during the time you have.

Okay, back to humans craving order. Bad or difficult situations are chaotic, and this makes them nonsensical. When you go through them, your mind, senses, and emotions are overwhelmed, and so quickly and desperately want to restore order. The disorder is uncomfortable. And that discomfort is on top of the situation being painful, scary, or disturbing. So you are having a response to the crisis and then a response to the discomfort of the chaos of the crisis. To handle this, humans reach for and grab order as fast as possible. The problem is that the fastest way to achieve order is to blame. When there is a problem, the first question is, Why is this happening? Because not knowing feels more out of control. Blame answers this question.

Honestly, a lot of times, this helps. For example, when you say, "People aren't mean because they don't like you; they are mean because they don't like themselves," it helps you see that meanness is the other person's problem rather than a you-problem. When you understand that, you don't take their name-calling or criticisms to heart, giving that person less power over how you think about yourself. So, blame is sometimes a good thing.

Unfortunately, when a person is young and isolated, for example, if a child's caregiver abuses them, self-blame is the quickest way for them to make sense of what is happening. That's why people who experience trauma blame themselves for it when it was not even close to their fault. Kids who are abused were in the wrong place and at the wrong time and didn't even remotely deserve what happened to them.

Blaming oneself is the quickest way to make sense of things because blaming the caregiver doesn't make sense in that context. Caregivers are supposed to care, and they may even be trying to convince the child that they are doing it because they care. This is why self-blame feels easier.

As you can imagine, this doesn't satisfy for long because self-blame also feels out of control. They don't know why they would have caused it and have to figure that out by listing the negative things about themself. Then, they have to figure out why they are such a mess in the first place. Chaos ensues.

I am telling you this because you can consciously change course if you recognize that is what is happening. Let me give you another example: If someone was mean to you, even if you said to yourself, "They did this thing. They are terrible!" More often than not, it doesn't end there. Because, as a human being, your mind keeps questioning the meaning and starts to second-guess itself. Instead of you saying, "I already decided that that person is terrible, so I don't need you to question anymore, thanks anyway," when the mind keeps questioning, you comply and think, "That doesn't make sense. Why would someone do that? Especially someone who I trusted. Maybe I am overreacting or caused it somehow." Then, immediately that thought makes you feel bad about yourself because, literally, you are judging yourself. It is not over yet, because next, you feel the urge to defend yourself against yourself.

Subsequently, you would then have to stand up to your defense, especially because shame is still wreaking havoc. You'd wonder, "Maybe it was my fault."

At this point, your mind begins to teeter-totter, going back between: "Was it me?" "Was it him?" What is me?" "Was it him?" thus causing more chaos and determination to solve an unsolvable problem. I'm calling it "unsolvable" since it is now so convoluted and expanded with blame narratives, negative self-judgments, and worries that it is hard to distinguish the whole thing from the original event.

I call this "was it me/was it him" back-and-forth the blame game. While it's an attempt to get order, it causes more chaos, stress, and anxiety. Listen, continuing to question, doubt, blame oneself, and beat oneself up after a bad experience is one of the biggest sources of emotional turmoil I have witnessed. People know they are suffering but are unaware that this is a process happening behind the scenes. Once I point it out, they are like, "Yes, that is exactly what I am doing." It feels chaotic but also safe in a way. It is a suffering that is familiar, and the figuring-it-all-out feels like an action you are doing to keep yourself safe. The false thinking that it is "keeping you safe" makes it hard to let go of the blame game. But it is not keeping you safe; it is causing more stress.

Are you relating to any of this?

I want to read you a section of the book. I know you just read it, but anxiety and negative judgments repeat themselves all day long, so I want to repeat this part at least one more time.

To compound the suffering further, there is an additional layer of negative self-judgment: If one believes they had done something wrong but doesn't know what it was, they will further blame themselves for "not knowing what." This incites a fear that they will not be able to prevent it from happening again in the future. Also, because they "allowed" it, they sometimes feel like they deserve to feel bad, so they don't try to feel better. Or, they decide they need to work hard to deserve to feel better, and so they might:

try to please everyone,

try to figure out the problem,

overwork to prove their worth,

accept blame from others,

over-apologize, or

attempt to protect themselves by isolating themselves.

Like running on a hamster wheel, these take huge effort with no results, conjuring even more blame because they "can't get better."

People blame themselves even when enduring only mild chaos. That, combined with our sense of inadequacy from unrealistic standards, is why guilt and shame are so overwhelmingly present in modern culture. These ultra-damaging emotions are the hallmark of self-contempt. I've seen them cause self-hatred, self-abuse, intrusive thoughts, intense panic, devastating depression, overworking, addiction, isolation, and more.

When you can relate to this, you can see why I say that internalized mental illness is not the problem: the human experience in the context of the modern world causes our emotional turmoil. This means it is understandable how you feel. Also, instead of questioning why you are suffering, thinking that you are just wired this way, or believing that you are different because you have a mental illness, this knowledge allows you to focus all of your energy on improving your emotional wellness.

When referring to "modern culture," I am acknowledging a few things that set today's world apart from past societies, like individualism, phone use, and an increase in idle time––meaning there are fewer chores people need to do to survive. These both cause trauma to the human psyche and also increase our trauma reaction.

If this information causes you to worry, don't worry; during this season, I will give you practical tips to resolve this. I first wanted to invite you to the power role over what is happening by understanding the mechanisms at work. With this insight, you can decide what to believe and what to reject. Also, once you are aware, you can override any monkey-mind tactic that doesn't serve you.

In the "What's in your hand?" activity of this section, I share how to make meaning in a healing and calming way rather than creating more chaos. Read that again because, in it, I tell you why bad things happen. It's pretty straightforward why bad things happen, but the questioning mind is unsatisfied with simplicity. It has all kinds of excuses for rejecting that simplicity, especially when something is awful, because it feels like you are not acknowledging how horrible it was.

What you need to do is separate why it happened from whether it was okay or not. For example, people are limited, and they hurt other people. It is that simple, but in no way does this mean you deserved it because you didn't deserve it at all.

I would never try to make you accept simplicity that would invalidate you. Instead, accept this simplicity because it is true; People hurt people. They shouldn't, but they do. It's not fair, It's not okay, but they do.

Here is the script you say to yourself, "It happened, it wasn't okay, I did not deserve it, but it doesn't have to define me."

"It happened" validates you. This has to be included because many people who go through a traumatic or difficult event question whether it happened or not. Maybe no one has told you this is common, and you think you are the only one who thinks this. Unfortunately, if you think that you are unique in thinking this, you give it more meaning, like "I must think it didn't happen because maybe it didn't."

It would help if you decided once and for all that it DID happen. And then, you can choose not to entertain any more doubts about whether it happened or if you are exaggerating.

Saying, "It wasn't okay, and you did not deserve it," settles the blame game. It restores your sense of worth because you need that. People often resist healing because they think recovery means it is okay that someone did something terrible. Staying suffering because the other person doesn't deserve to get away with it is like drinking poison and waiting for either person to die. You deserve to heal, and that is all that matters. Not healing just gives the person who hurt you continuous power over you. Get your ruby slippers back, please, and decide that it wasn't okay and you did not deserve it.

Lastly, "It doesn't have to define you." Did you ever hear the quotation," Don't define yourself by other people's limitations"? You can think of yourself as a victim or a mess because of what happened to you, or you can think of yourself as a survivor for being a good person despite what you went through. Remember I told you that when you have a problem story, you too often take what is wrong into your sense of who you are. "I am anxious." Or "I am a loser." It becomes your identity. Reminding yourself and taking a stand that the experience does not have to define you takes it back out of your identity and leaves you able to define yourself by your positive attributes, like being caring, considerate, funny, and smart.

If you had significant trauma, you might need a counselor to help you through this re-storying process of what happened. I don't recommend anyone of you do this alone. Find a trusted adult to witness and love you through the healing process. People do not heal in a vacuum, so stop trying to and beating yourself up when it doesn't work. Humans are social beings, not individualistic beings. People need people. You need people.

Now, after you do this process, your mind will still question because that is what a mind does. Knowing that that is going to happen can prepare you for it. Instead of getting upset that you didn't heal right, you can say, "Hey, self-doubt, I knew you would question again. I have decided, and I don't need you anymore. Just have a seat; I am busy right now." Sound familiar? You are acknowledging but emotionally unattached, so you are not feeding it any of your precious energy. After you say this to yourself, please move into an active task as soon as you can.

"Hey, self-doubt, I knew you would question again. I have decided, and I don't need you anymore. Just have a seat; I am busy right now."

Got it? This is easy but might feel silly or unfamiliar at first. That might make it feel uncontrolled. Keep practicing. Lean into the discomfort because I promise it is safe. And, it is actually very controlled. After practicing for a short time, you will feel more in control than you have felt in a long time. Plus, this is sustainable control that lasts and lasts.

Thank you so much for listing to this episode of Anxiety... I'm So Done with You! with me, Doctor Jodi.

You learned that when meaning-making is left to the monkey mind, it causes more chaos via the blame game. To help, I taught you a script for making meaning after a challenging event. We will go into more examples of meaning-making in future episodes going deeper into how to embrace that practice.

The next episode will cover Chapter 4, Section 2: Embrace Letting Go, where I teach you my three-step process for letting go. Read or listen to that, and I will see you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

3:7 Activate Your Unique Skills

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 6 May 2023 05:30:00 +0000

This episode follows Chapter 3, Section 7: Activate Your Unique Skills of "Anxiety... I'm So Done with You!" It is chock full of information, so get out your notebook and pen! In this episode, we'll look at reconnecting to your personal agency. You'll learn the following:

How anxiety disconnects you from your agency
How therapy unpacks problems
An empowering daily practice
How to open yourself up for more joy and opportunities

I discuss how noticing your unique skills empowers you and helps you reconnect to your personal agency. Anxiety wants to rob you of personal agency, so rediscovering it is essential to feeling better.

Therapy is a process that helps unpack the problems you face. As a therapist, I'm looking for ways to deconstruct and demystify what troubles you. Problems make people feel out of control. In this episode, I'll show you how to regain control.

Your unique skills and abilities will help you beat anxiety and reclaim personal agency. The skills you use affect how you see yourself. They are what makes you, YOU. When you recognize your skills, you feel empowered, happier, and more trusting of yourself. I explain how to find and embrace who you are outside of your problems. This will not only decrease self-doubt, but it will change the trajectory of your life to an easier one.

"When you notice the skills you have and are using, you will have more access to them when you need them. Overall, that'll help you feel more confident and in control of what you're doing." - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

You can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Survival Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcription:

Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is Season 3 of "Anxiety… I'm so Done with You!" This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. If you're new here, grab a copy of my book "Anxiety… I'm so Done with You!" because this series goes section by section through the book, going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. Season 3, which goes along with Chapter 3, expands hope by looking at your skills and abilities.

You are amazing! You have many skills and abilities. However, anxiety does not want you to know that. It tries to block your view of them. But not anymore! In this season, we'll bring them out into the open, giving you more access to them when you need them the most. As this season progresses, you're going to envision yourself in a new way––as a person who is able, caring, confident, and determined. Thank you for listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple Podcasts. Mental health problems are skyrocketing, especially among young people, and this series will help them cease judging, stop questioning, and start healing!

Welcome to Chapter 3, Section 7: "Activate Your Unique Skills." In this episode, we'll discuss:

what disconnects people from their personal agency
how to reconnect to it
what happens in therapy
an empowering daily practice
how to open up space in your life for more joy, opportunities, and love.

This chapter has been pretty full! We activated power, trust, motivation, responsibility, confidence, courage, and then now, your unique skills. I feel as though that sentence is that game, "Which one of these things is not like the other?" because you might be wondering why "unique skills" are on this list. Well, really, all of the––power, trust, responsibility, confidence, and courage are also skills that can be practiced and honed. This book section, Chapter 3, Section 7, covers the ones that are unique to you. Let me give you some background on my thought process when writing this whole chapter.

During therapy sessions, a person comes to therapy with a problem that needs to be unpacked. Unpacking means taking it apart to understand it and how it works. When we experience problems, they affect our beliefs and how we see ourselves. You could think about it as meanings, ideas, memories, trauma reactions, and pieces of evidence construct and build up our problems tighter and more powerful. Problems are often built up like a fortress. They are well guarded by all of this structure and hard to penetrate. So they stay, and they keep control of your life.

As a therapist, it is my job to deconstruct the problem or problems by asking about them, demystifying them, learning their effects on your life, and exposing the particular tactics that it uses to ensnare you. Those are the lies that it tells you to get you to believe it.

You know what I mean. When you are experiencing a problem, it affects many areas of your life and so infiltrates your very identity. I am a loser; I am a mess. I can't go out.

It easily does this, by the way. It's not like you have a problem for years before you start saying you are an anxious person. We make meaning almost immediately when we are feeling bad. Those feelings, feel out of control, and making conclusions about them gives us a sense that we have control, but we are not in control; in fact, thinking we are a problem rather than having a regular human experience in response to the situation makes us feel more out of control. And then we have to double down on our control, again making it worse.

Pretty soon, we feel more and more out of control, and our anxiety skyrockets.

What's happening here is that anxiety is disconnecting you from your personal agency. All of your attention and desperation is given to what the anxiety wants: staying isolated, staying home, self-medicating, avoiding things you used to enjoy, and pulling away from people who care about you. When you do these things, what is in control is the anxiety, negative thoughts, and depression––not you! After a while, you're convinced that you don't have personal agency at all! You think that you can't do anything. You look at your life and assume it's true, "I can't." Meanwhile, anxiety is showing you the things it has kept you from doing, and you take that as testimony that you are that loser that you thought you were.

No. You are not a loser. Anxiety is tricking you. That's why it's so easy to believe the anxiety when it tells you that you can't because feeling powerless, worthless, and out of control feels like evidence that you, in fact, can't. However, there are moments when you're reconnected with your personal agency, and the anxiety goes down. Anxiety doesn't ever stay the same. It changes. It goes up and down through the day or through the hours, getting worse sometimes and better other times.

When I was young, I didn't know I had any part in going up and down. I thought I was just lucky when it went away. But that's not what it was. The times that it went down were when my mind was engaged in doing something, and my brain read this as I was in control and decreased my adrenaline.

One day, I was discussing what was going on with young people with the Chief of Psychiatry at my local hospital. We talked about how we noticed that young people have personal agency (they have lots of skills!) but just don't know they do. You have skills, many more than you see in yourself. That's why I wrote this chapter to reconnect you to them. I was hoping you could notice the skills you already have and are using rather than unconsciously taking those for granted. That way, you can recognize them when you use them and track them throughout your day. That'll help you feel more confident and in control of what you're doing.

Parents often bring their kids to me in therapy and say, "My kid needs coping skills." Yes, okay, they're in therapy because they're not coping with whatever they're going through. Some therapists may consider it their job to "teach coping skills." I don't. People have skills already, and it is my job to bring them out. Teenagers have tons of amazing and inspiring skills that lift me up every day I meet with them. The problem is that they're not consciously connected to those skills, so they don't see them or think of themselves as skilled.

My job as a therapist is to notice people's skills and abilities, and model drawing these out through meaning-making and robust storytelling around what you did and who you are. And then, reflect all that back to you so you start to see it too and could weave a new story about yourself outside the problem story. For example, if you told me a story about you sharing your lunch with someone who doesn't have lunch, I'd probably be curious about what you think that says about you that you noticed that they didn't have lunch, and then you thought of giving them some of yours. You might say, "I don't know, everyone should do that," but I'd challenge you because, well, it'd be a great world if everyone did that. But they don't. You might have been the only one at the table doing it (or you initiated it if other people joined). That is unique. It is something that you specifically did, and you could track it as a skill or initiative.

That act is your personal agency. It tells me something about the kind of person you are. I want you to experience noticing this about yourself. So, I'll ask you, "What does sharing your lunch say about the kind of person that you are?" (Sometimes, though, when you've been feeling negative for a very long time, it's hard to acknowledge something nice about yourself. To circumnavigate that, I'd invite you to name the quality from a distance by imagining that it is someone else. I'd ask, "If a student notices that a classmate does not have lunch, and they offer some food, would you say that was generous? Or, could you say that it's thoughtful?"

If you agreed, I'd ask, "What kind of a person does that? A generous person? Or, a thoughtful person?" What I am doing in those sessions is taking those skills and projecting them onto the person's identity. As part of their identity, they can embrace them more. Do you know how I said when anxiety is bad, it superimposes on your very identity? I. e., "I am anxious." "I am a loser." "I am a mess." In doing that, it dominates so many areas of your life.

If it infiltrates your life when negative, think about what it does when it's positive! When good attributes are your identity, they will take over your view of yourself. You will see yourself as skilled. You'll have more confidence in situations and not be scared anymore. Then, anxiety can't trick you into thinking that you can't handle life.

Having had therapeutic conversations with young people for many years has helped me notice that people have unique, beautiful, amazing, and kind skills. They notice when someone's sad, and they do something thoughtful. They find loopholes, figure out how to climb up and grab something stored high, research how to do something, memorize their lines, make gifts for their friends, break their own personal records, do the nicest thing that makes other people feel loved and cared about, and so many more extraordinary acts.

Don't take those skills for granted! Not everyone does them. Maybe some people do them some of the time, but they're not done often because the world would be so much a better place if they were. However, once you start to notice yourself as a skilled person, you will have more access to these skills when you need them. You'll do them more than you're doing them now and feel empowered in the process.

The best way to start noticing yourself having skills is to do the practice that I told you about in a different episode. If you still need to start it, I want to prompt you again because it can change your life, and it's so easy. Do this every night before bed: write down three things you did that day. They could be three initiatives you took, three accomplishments you had, or three tasks you completed. They can be small or substantial. It doesn't matter. Do this for at least a month, keeping a record of three initiatives daily. Do it longer if you're depressed, angry, irritable, or anxious. Remember, negative thoughts repeat themselves a lot, so the more negative you feel, the more you need to repeat any positive practice.

After days or weeks of this practice, you'll feel empowered to start noticing what you do during the day. You'll be assessing to see if this is something that you could write down later. That means you'll be noticing your skills and initiatives all day long. Again, here is the simple practice before going to bed every night: Write down three things you did that day. Put in your notes app three things you did, took the initiative, or accomplished. Three things every single day.

Do you know how you notice your deficits and inadequacies all day long? This practice will switch that habit to you seeing your skills and abilities. Those skills and abilities are already there. You would not have gotten to the age that you are without having skills! This new habit will help you decrease your anxiety and depression because you'll have more access to the skills when you're feeling bad (when anxiety and depression are trying to tell you that you can't do anything and that you mess up everything, you won't believe it any longer). When you have more access to those skills, you will not only just use them for empowering self-talk, you'll use them to start doing something to make your day better. Then, your brain will get the message that you're okay and decrease the adrenaline. Or, you'll kick off your dopamine and feel better. Plus, you'll be distracted by the activities and not tumble into the negativity in your head.

Once, a client asked me why she knows it and thinks about it so much when she's sad, but when she's happy, she doesn't notice it. I said, "When you're happy, you're out of your head. You're out there living." Sometimes people are genuinely happy and happy for a while, and then they get sad again. Then, they think, "I guess I wasn't really happy." Because they can't remember it tangibly, they assume the happiness is fake. This is very, very common. If it happens to you, you might think you're the only one who has ever felt like the happiness that they felt was fake because hardly anyone ever talks about this.

This is the reason: when you're happy, you're busy living, not analyzing it all day. Then, when you're sad again, which is typical for a human to experience, conjuring up what it felt like to be happy is tough. Plus, the sadness feels so familiar that you put meaning around it that it's "more real." That's why it feels like happiness was fake. People's mood changes depending on many variables during each day, but when the sadness comes, it feels like it came back. That feels devastating because of how painful it was before. In addition, the original "units of sadness" (how intense the sadness is) might not even be that bad. It may even be small. But, instead of saying, "Hmm, I feel sad today. Okay, I'll just give myself some TLC. I'm going to keep going!" ––instead of doing that––we attach to the sad.

We give it all sorts of meanings via globs of negative self-judgment and worry: "Oh no! I didn't get better! I'm too stupid to know that that wasn't better! I'm definitely a problem! Why do I always overreact? There's some darkness inside of me because it always keeps coming back. I don't know how to get rid of it! What if someone sees? Is this my destiny to be sad forever?"

Some of these thoughts are ridiculous when said aloud. It may sound a little bit like I'm making fun of you if you think them. In fact, I almost edited them out because I was like, "I don't want people to feel bad about that." But really. We do say that kind of thing to ourselves all the time. They're awful and mean. They may sound ridiculous when you hear me imitate them, but they sound menacing and true in your head. I'm purposely saying them out loud because I want you to think they're ridiculous. Not to judge your monkey mind, but to attempt to remove the negative meaning that they hold. Does that make sense? Everything is about the meaning that we make out of it. I'm teaching you how to make meaning that'll help you feel better and not worse.

Let's end this episode on a good note and talk about how to open space in your life for more joy, opportunity, and love. This is what you'll do: embrace your unique skills. You can notice, step into, perform, and identify yourself with them. I know you have amazing qualities because you wouldn't have grown to your age without them. It's time you start to see them so that you have more and more access to them. Then, anxiety can't control you anymore.

The quickest way for you to have joy, opportunity, and love is to take over the reins of your life. You want to be in control instead of your negative emotions controlling you. This is also the way to recover your energetic bandwidth. You have an enormous capacity to do a lot of things, be a lot of things, and have energy for a lot of things. Unfortunately, negativity will happily take as much space as you let it have. However, you don't want it there because it steals your joy. It is beyond time to take back your energetic bandwidth, little by little, by starting to notice what you do do (your agency).

You don't even have to change what you do, you just have to notice it, and it'll change on its own to be more and more what you want it to be. You'll grow more skills and then step more fully into the ones that you love the most about yourself. That'll help you get close to people, and because you're happier, you're going to attract more positive and uplifting people. You'll enjoy things again and feel an affinity for something, opening a direction you want to head in your life. Also, you'll gain purpose and, with that, worthiness. You'll keep growing, learning, and enjoying yourself, being good to the people around you. And they will be good back to you. Does that sound good? That is full-embodied happiness, and you can have it.

Don't forget there is a blog post that goes along with this (and every single episode). In this blog post, I put extra resources in it to help you connect with your agency. The link to the blog post is in the show notes. Thank you so much for listening to this episode where I:

discussed what disconnects people from their personal agency and how to reconnect to it
shared what happens in therapy
reminded you of an empowering nightly practice that I really, really hope you try because it could change your life

Overall, in this third season, which goes along with Chapter 3, we prepared you to open space in your life for more joy, opportunity, and love by getting you in touch with your personal agency. That is a perfect segue to Chapter 4 and Season 4. It's your time to shine. In Chapter 4, you'll eliminate all those things that hold you back from the self-love you absolutely deserve. Read that, and I'll see you in the next season of "Anxiety… I'm So Done with You!" with me, Dr. Jodi. Thank you!

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

3:6 - Activate Courage

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 6 May 2023 05:25:00 +0000

This episode follows Chapter 3, Section 6: Activate Courage of "Anxiety... I'm So Done with You!" It is chock full of information, so get out your notebook and pen! In this episode, we will dive deep into taking risks and having courage. You'll learn:

All about risks and risk-taking
The thing that holds you back from taking risks
What's on the other side of risk-taking

I will debunk your comfort zone because, a lot of times, it doesn't serve you. It's important to understand risks to make the best conscious decisions for your highest good, so I'll explain everything you need to know to create the life you want.

Analyzing risk requires looking at the possible negative consequences and their severity. I give many examples so you can understand precisely how to assess situations to make conscious decisions. Examples like a log over a stream, telling someone you like them, and brushing your teeth. Then, we look at courage and when and why you need the courage to take risks.

You can mitigate (make less severe) risks when you know what they are by taking actions aligned with maximizing benefits and minimizing negative possibilities. Risk can be scary, and courage can feel hard to find when anxiety is around. How do you push the boundaries of your comfort zone when you're anxious? I share the four key steps to help you do that.

"Comfort zones don't get established and stay the same forever. They're constantly changing, getting bigger and smaller. A desire or a mood can change how someone weighs risks and benefits. One day we might not be up for something, and the next day we totally are." - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

You can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Survival Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcription:

Welcome to Chapter 3, Section 6: Activate Courage. In this episode, I:

talk risks and risk-taking
define your comfort zone
learn how it's created and changed
reveal what holds you back from taking risks (that I haven't even mentioned yet in this series)
paint a picture of what's on the other side of taking risks that I don't think you want to live without.

Let's get right into it. First, let's define "risks" because you wouldn't need courage if there were no risks. When I demystify risks for you, you'll feel in control of your decisions (instead of fear being in control of them). A risk is the chance of something happening that will have a negative effect. It is someone or something that creates or suggests a hazard. So it's a hazard. A hazard is a source or a situation with the potential for harm in terms of human injury, ill health, damage to property or the environment, or something like that. That means risks and hazards show potential for harm that necessitates your caution. In other words, you have to be aware of them and be conscious of how you navigate them as you move forward with your decisions.

What's important to remember is that not all risks are created equal. There are different levels of risks that people have to consider. The level of risk is related to two things: 1) how likely the unwanted event is and 2) how bad the potential negative consequences might be. So you have to weigh all of these two things' variables to determine the level of risk.

For example, let's look at the risk of falling in when walking across a log suspended over a stream. What's the level of risk here? Well, you have to consider all of the variables. The likelihood of falling increases or decreases depending on the following:

the thickness or flatness of the log
your experience or agility walking across a rounded surface

The potential negative consequences depend on:

the temperature of the air and water
your health
what are you wearing
whether or not you are already wet
how high the log is suspended, and more.

All decisions involve some risk, but often the risk is so low that the answer is clear, like "Should I brush my teeth?" Yes, you have to get up, it takes time, and you might be too tired to bother, but you know it is safe, quick, good for your teeth and mouth, and will feel good. This kind of decision necessitates effort but not courage. Mostly, tasks such as brushing your teeth are integrated already. You might think of them as a pain to have to do, but you don't think of it as risky.

Other times the risk is high, but the desire is worth it, so you do need to have some courage to get outside that comfort zone. For example, let's consider the risk of telling someone you like them. You have to consider all of the variables. First, you'll consider the likeliness of being rejected by trying to guess if they return your affection. Then, you'd consider how embarrassing it would be if it would make things awkward between the two of you, or worse if they'd be mean to you after you said something. You might even worry that everybody in the school would be laughing at you, or it would ruin your friendship. All of these and maybe more would go through your mind and affect your decision on whether to take the risk or not.

When you approach a decision like this, you can do nothing, which also carries a risk of losing the opportunity to date that other person or you can decide to do it then, gather the courage and mitigate the risks. Mitigating means somehow making them less severe, serious, or painful. We'll talk about gathering courage soon, but let's first review how to mitigate risks. You mitigate risks by manipulating "controls." Controls are measures, actions, or things you put in place to decrease the likelihood of the negative thing happening or the negative consequences of that event. For example, if that log over the stream had a branch from a neighboring tree that you could hold on to and balance yourself while you walk over, it would mitigate the risks of you falling in. That control, the branch, assists you in making the decision to cross there. Or, when you ask your friends if they think the person that you want to date might like you too, they might give you some information that will help you decide whether to tell them how you feel or not.

Now that we're on the same page with levels of risk and controls, let's talk about courage. I start this section by illustrating three circles inside each other. The center circle represents your comfort zone. The middle circle includes risks, worries, and discomforts. And the biggest circle includes, as it says, "Everything worthwhile." Even though there are always risks, they pale when you are approaching something worthy of your time and effort. Or, the task has been so integrated (familiar and easy for you) that any risks are discarded.

It's like having a pet. You may have had your dog forever and have integrated the work you must put into that relationship. You may not even think of the sacrifices and potential loss as risky, so it's comfortable to have your pet. However, if you were deciding whether to get a new pet, then you would weigh the risks and the benefits. When you have integrated a new thing, you've overcome the worry, risk, or discomfort it took you to get there, and your circle widens. The circle's still there, but it's no longer an obstacle for that event or experience. You've become familiar with and used to it so much so that you don't even see those activities as risky anymore.

Comfort zones are different for everyone, depending on how people assess and evaluate risks, what they're accustomed to, the past experiences and current supports that they have, and what's important to them. Comfort zones don't get-established-and-just-stay-the-same-forever. They're constantly changing and getting bigger and smaller. A desire or mood can change how someone weighs risks and benefits in a moment. One day we may not be up for something, and the next day we are. It happens all the time.

That may make you wonder how a comfort zone gets started in the first place. Often they start from something simple, like one day, you have that calorie-conserving resistance to something in your life, but you don't understand why you have that resistance. So you put meaning around the task as something "uncomfortable" or "undesirable." That meaning makes you feel trapped or oppressed if you do it. Or, if you've had a negative experience with that task, or something similar to it, that would make you weary of doing that again. Even mildly bad events, like when you've been embarrassed, can build up a strong sense of discomfort. Intense embarrassment can feel humiliating and be experienced by your body and mind as traumatic. Once those parameters are set in your comfort zone, you make more and more meaning out of them until they feel quite impassable.

In fact, some people's comfort zones are very rigid. There are some things they have been a hard no to for a very long time, and in some cases, they may have forgotten the real reason for that. Just the fact that it is the edge of the comfort zone is all that matters, and it keeps them in there. They hear from the anxiety, "It's scary." Period. But never ask themselves why it is scary.

If you feel like this is you, or you're in any position where you want to push out the boundaries of your comfort zone, try these four steps:

1. Find your edge.

This is about having conscious awareness of what's inside and outside of your comfort zone. It gives you the control to dismantle what you can. Whatever the anxiety tells you, immediately ask it: why? Why does it say that will be awful? Why does it think you can't handle it? Why does it think something bad would happen? Do not let it be evasive. You want to know the ins and outs because that unpacks and dismantles the anxiety.

2. Weigh the risks and benefits.

Remember, the level of risk is related to the likelihood of the negative consequence happening and how negative the result is or can be. You want to consider all the variables to be prepared to make a conscious decision. Then, list the benefits of doing that: Why do you want to do it? How great are the benefits? Will they last long? Are they worth the risks (For example, showing off to someone who really doesn't care about you is not worth doing something dangerous, but staying up late one night to finish a homework assignment is worth the risk of getting less than optimal sleep that night.)?

3. Brainstorm the controls and how to manipulate them.

This is thinking of what you can do to minimize the risks. It's like having an exit plan when you're nervous about going somewhere. An exit plan allows you to go to that event without feeling like you'll be trapped there. You're minimizing the discomfort.

4. Gather your courage.

You'll need the courage to step in the direction that you want. Taking to your heart and mind all of the information you have gathered, it's time to make a conscious decision about the way forward. Now, you need the courage to do that. Courage is trust in yourself. Being an impulsive thrill-seeker is not courageous. It's just stupid. Real courage is trusting your skills to assess the situation, weighing the risks and benefits, brainstorming the controls, and making a conscious decision on the best way forward.

Being Ready

After watching people go through this process for a really long time, I noticed something that holds people back from taking risks. It's this: thinking that being ready is tangible. That you'd feel it and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you're ready. But that's not how it works. Ready is hardly ever tangible like that. Either there's something easy, and you do it because it's integrated into your system. (You put a shirt on without thinking if you're ready to do that.) However, so many people feel like they're not ready, and then they think that means they are not ready.

No one feels ready. When people have to do something challenging, they can start without thinking about it too much or start before they have total confidence, trusting that they will get confidence from it. Alternatively, they can feel "not ready" and hesitate. When you do that, the brain thinks something's wrong, and the Monkey Mind does its thing...

A good example is some teens I've worked with who have trouble getting to school. They assume that they'll go when they're ready. They think, "I'm not ready to go back," and then stay home. But they'll only be ready after they go and have been going regularly. They need consistently attend school to get going integrated into their system. We think ready means comfortable (it doesn't). What makes things comfortable is familiarity. Anxiety can't lie to you about something that you know well! It can't hack it. So, the fastest way to overcome the fear of something, like driving a car, or speaking in public, is to do it until it's familiar.

Let's talk about what is on the other side of our comfort zone. That'll be different for everyone, depending on personal tastes and preferences. To find out yours, ask yourself: What is fun and fulfilling? Who are the people in your life that you want to be close to? What would mean success to you? What lifts you up? What excites you?

Take a moment now to think about what is important to you. Think about a time in your future, and imagine this coming true. Try to feel yourself being comfortable and happy there. What would it be like to experience that?

This episode is almost over, and when it's done, I want you to grab a piece of paper and do the above four-step process with what you are visualizing. The first step is to find your edge. Really get clear on what's inside and outside your comfort zone around this. The second step is to weigh the risks and benefits. Think about the level of risk and how important this thing is to you. Step three is to brainstorm your controls. How can you mitigate those risks so that you can achieve those benefits? Finally, in step four, gather your courage and take a step outside your comfort zone. Each step you take will be the building block of the next step, the next step, and the next step. It will build on your momentum and inertia and get you closer to what you truly desire.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode where I went over risks and controls and how to be ready even if you don't feel ready and shared my four steps to expanding your comfort zone. As always, I have more resources for you on building courage and taking risks on the blog that goes with this episode. I appreciate all the shares in the comments and am indebted to you for those five-star reviews on Apple Podcasts. Remember, I go live every Monday at 11 A.M Eastern on Facebook and YouTube. On YouTube and TikTok, you'll find me at Dr. Jodi d-o-c-t-o-r-j-o-d-i.

The next episode is the last section of this chapter and the last episode of the Season: Chapter 3, Section 7: Activate Your Unique Skills. Read or listen to that section, and I'll meet you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

3:5 - Activate Confidence

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 6 May 2023 05:20:00 +0000

This episode follows Chapter 3, Section 5: "Activate Confidence" of Anxiety... I'm So Done with You! Social anxiety, that feeling of overwhelm in social situations, is rising. It's partly because we are becoming more sensitive. But how do you calm it? In this episode, you'll learn:

How social anxiety is different from other anxieties
What being an empath or highly sensitive person has to do with social situations
What confidence is and how to build it
My 11 suggestions for feeling more comfortable in social situations

Having social anxiety tends to make us want to isolate ourselves. But that makes us lose the companionship and connections we need to thrive. In this episode, you learn how to navigate social anxiety, so it is no longer a barrier to a happy life.

Sensitivity, or being an empath, is feeling other people’s energy and often their negative emotions too. Being sensitive can make you want to avoid groups of people. To help you manage your sensitivity, I teach you the difference between clairsentience and claircognizance. However, social anxiety doesn’t just come from sensitivity, though, it also is a product of comparison culture, and worry that you are not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, and on and on.

One of our biggest fears is being judged. But this is not something we need to worry about as much as we do. People are too wrapped up in their own thoughts and worries. Hear more tips like these in this episode, including my 11 suggestions on how to feel more comfortable in social situations.

"Confidence means that you believe in yourself––that you know you're a good person with skills who can figure things out. When you have robust self-confidence, you're calmer, more comfortable, and more grounded. That comes across as humble, not stuck up. Humble doesn't mean that you have a low opinion of yourself. It means you have an accurate one." - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

You can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Survival Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

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• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcription:

How are you doing? Welcome to Chapter 3, Section 5, Activate Confidence. In this episode, we will talk about social anxiety to uncover what is different about it than other anxieties. We'll talk about being an empath or a highly sensitive person, and I'll share how your sensitivity affects social situations. We'll also review what confidence is and how to build it in yourself, and then we'll go over the 11 suggestions that I list in this section on how to feel more comfortable in social situations. Let's go!

Alright, social anxiety. What is social anxiety? Social anxiety manifests in social situations. So people get irritable or overwhelmed when they're in scenarios where there are groups of people. It is a growing trend that people are more or more affected by social contacts, making this a really unique category of anxiety because people with it are not necessarily afraid of danger like most other anxieties. A lot is happening here, so there's a lot to understand why this is rising. One of the reasons is that people are becoming more sensitive in general as our awareness and consciousness expand. That awareness is tapping into the energy of the field around us. We feel other people's energy and the energy imprint of the spaces that we're in.

A friend once told me a story about when she was traveling. She told me that she was sitting in a cafe one day and was suddenly overwhelmed emotionally. Nothing was wrong in her life; she was happily traveling, and things were going well, but at this moment, she cried and cried and cried, and she couldn't stop. She was so overwhelmed with sadness and doom they had to leave. Her friends had to take her out of there and return to the hotel. Later they discovered that there had been a brutal battle in that very location, with a shocking betrayal during World War I.

I also know a woman who is so sensitive that she's out for days after attending a funeral, even if she doesn't know the person very well. She cries and cries, feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. This level of sensitivity is real, and it is growing. With the publication of the book, The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aaron, many people who have been feeling sensitive for years have finally understood what is wrong with them. If you've grown up sensitive, you know exactly what I mean. It feels awful. You assume that the negative emotions you feel are coming from you when it's not; it's coming from the people around you. When you think it's you, you try to figure out why you feel this bad, but you can't because there's no answer to that. It's not about you. And so you have to guess why you feel that bad. Unfortunately, the guesses end up being something like, "I must be a depressed person," "I just have depression," "I'm different," "Something's wrong with me," and "I just can't be happy."

Crowds often feel overwhelming to sensitive people, so they sometimes choose to stay home and not go out. That would be okay if they had a small group of good people at home and felt a sense of belonging. But all too often, staying away from people (crowds) make sensitive people isolate in an effort to protect themselves. And hopefully, you all now know how isolation affects a person: it's not good.

I'm happy to say that there is some good news here: people who are sensitive can learn how to tell the difference between what is theirs and what is not theirs, and they can learn how to get rid of what is not theirs. They can also hone skills in blocking unwanted energy from coming in the first place. I cover how to do this in my Energy Shield Training video for empaths and highly sensitive people. That link is in the blog post that goes along with this episode. In it, I also show people how to transform their clairsentience to claircognizance. Clairsentience is another word for empathy. It means you feel feelings that are not yours. Claircognizance is clear knowing, meaning you have knowledge of something that you wouldn't know from ordinary means.

Claircognizance gives you information from the energy. Having the information come to you through claircognizance instead of clairsentience gives you the information without you being bowled over by the feeling of it. And from there, instead of struggling to right yourself and recover, you can decide if there's some action you want to take to help the situation. Sometimes you get information from someone, and there's nothing you can do. Other times, for example, if it's a friend having a problem, you could check on them, which you now have the bandwidth to do since you're not being benched by those feelings of overwhelm. You can grab my online course about how to do this. I'll link to it in a blog post. (Just knowing that it's possible for you to learn will help you have hope.)

Back to social anxiety: another reason why social anxiety is on the rise is that comparison culture is on the rise. With the constant use of social media, cultural expectations to be good enough, smart enough, cool enough, skinny enough, etc., etc., are in your face more and more. Feelings of inadequacy are also in your face more and more. Then, you isolate yourself, which makes you more sensitive when people are mean and negative around you.

There are two adages here that I repeat to myself when this happens to remind myself that it is not me. I offer them to you in case they'll help you too. The first is, "Hurt people, hurt people." So people who are hurt, hurt other people. The second one is, "People aren't mean because they don't like you; they are mean because they don't like themselves."

This is the thing: when you've been hurt a lot, you tend to think that you are the most common denominator, "I get hurt a lot. Maybe it's me that attracts it to me?" For sure, when a lot of people hurt you, you feel the unworthiness thick and heavy in your body and mind. I understand why you feel that way and why you think it's you because I have felt that way so many times in my life. But then, I witnessed client after client expressed feeling that way too. This made me wonder about it. We can't all be causing this! I realized that many people hurt you because most people (in Western society) don't actually like themselves. Let me say that again, "People aren't mean to you because they don't like you; they are mean to you because they don't like themselves."

Again, back to social anxiety: whatever the causes of your social anxiety, you need to build confidence and strength in yourself to overcome it. This doesn't mean that you need to go out all the time or that you should go out all the time. It means that you'll be free to choose what you want to do without the social anxiety influencing you.

What is confidence?

Sometimes confidence has a negative connotation. You might think of it as someone with a big head. If you think about it like that, you'd want to avoid having confidence. That negative connotation of confidence comes from anxiety and self-doubt, trying to use anything it can to make you feel bad about yourself. Having a big head is overconfidence. And overconfidence is usually an overcompensation for not feeling confident at all. When you don't think you're great, you have to constantly prove it, and this can keep a person really self-focused.

Real confidence is a good thing. Confidence means that you believe in yourself––that you're a good, skilled, and adaptable person. You're calmer, more comfortable, and more grounded when you have robust self-confidence. To other people, that comes across as humble, not stuck up. Humble doesn't mean that you have a low opinion of yourself. It means you have an accurate one. Also, being humble means that you have the ability to be others-focused because you're not as obsessed with trying to prove that you're great.

In the book section discussed in this episode, I make 11 suggestions on how to feel more comfortable in social situations.

The first one is to hone your skills in noticing. I already spoke about this in a different episode, but your noticing skills come in handy here, too. Comparison culture causes social anxiety because it makes you think everyone is looking at and judging you. However, if you went to a public place and watched people for a few minutes, you'd notice that they could not be looking at or thinking of you. You'd noticed that they are obviously in their own heads with their own worries. Realizing this can be really freeing.
The second and the third go together with the first suggestion. The second is understanding that people are just as afraid as you are or worse.
The third is realizing that people are in their own heads. Think about it this way: a huge portion of the crowd is struggling too. They are worried about things like people looking at them! You'll witness that some people have more anxiety than you do. So many other people are around to look at, so why would everybody focus on you? (And your particular inadequacies?) Remember, if someone judges you, it's a testimony of their own feelings of fear of their own inadequacies. It's rarely ever about you. People judge because they're worried about themselves. Again, "People aren't mean because they don't like you; they're mean because they don't like themselves!"
Number four is don't expect perfection. Perfection does not exist, yet we keep trying to achieve it. Let's let that go. Perfection is the most energy-consuming waste of time that negatively affects your mental health that there is. Get off that hamster wheel of trying to be perfect because you'll never get anywhere (you're on a hamster wheel!) Think about the concept of "diminishing returns." An example of diminishing returns is someone studying three hours for a test and getting 95 %, but if they were to study three more hours, they'd only get a 97 percent. The first three hours get them 95 % there; the next three hours only receive 2%. You have diminishing returns on the amount of effort you put in. That is how perfection works. When you try to achieve the last few percentage points to get to 100, you have diminishing returns on your time and effort past a certain point. Perfection is exhausting! You're putting a lot of energy in (high-risk) and receiving little benefits (rewards) for that energy, effort, and risk.
The fifth suggestion is to find an anchor. This means planning to text with a friend throughout the event. If there is someone who knows how you feel on the other end of the phone, it can feel like an anchor tethering you to stay grounded. Your friend can send you sweet affirmations. They can tell you how great and courageous you are and also can serve as a witness to the efforts you're making. That'll help you feel good and sustain the energy you need to get through that event.
Number six is to focus on others. A great way to transform social anxiety is to have a social mission. Make a goal that helps someone. Decide something like, "I'm going to compliment three people tonight." Or, "I will talk to two people there who look lonely." Sometimes our anxiety wants us to think that we can't put anything else on our plates because we need to take all of our concentration to put down the anxiety, but that actually does the opposite because it gives your attention to the anxiety. A social mission gives something for your problem-solving brain to do. It takes up your brain space so your anxiety doesn't have any. Plus, the conversations and camaraderie of these conversations will help you feel connected. They'll make you feel like you matter and help you let others know that they matter. There are so many good things about having a social mission!
Number seven is having an exit strategy. Having an exit strategy allows you to go somewhere when you have social anxiety. Anxiety has you picturing the event and conjures a feeling of you being trapped there with anxiety. This imagery and worry make you want to stay home. You need to outwit anxiety by reminding yourself that you can leave if you want to. Make a plan of how you can leave, like by having your own car or having a friend ready to pick you up. Keep in mind, though, that anxiety is sneaky about exit plans. It makes you think that you will fail if you use them. It's ridiculous, but it sounds true, especially when you are used to believing what the anxiety says. As long as you decide to go, and go even for a moment before leaving, that is a success! Anxiety did not win. Anxiety doesn't win if you use the exit plan. You win because you made a plan, and it worked, so next time; you'll know that your exit plan will work, and you'll be able to go again. (IMO, if you're not allowing yourself to use the exit strategy, you don't have an exit strategy.)
Suggestions eight and nine are to celebrate your wins.
Remember to celebrate the steps you took separately from the results. I've heard too many stories of people going outside their comfort zone to do something which is huge, courageous, and amazing, for example, pledging their love to someone. Then, if it is not reciprocated, they see the whole thing as a failure. It's not! They still did the amazing, courageous thing. That's what needs to be celebrated. Any small step outside your comfort zone should be celebrated, even if it's just acknowledging it to yourself. That's all. I want you to tell yourself that you are all that for doing what you're doing. Celebrating your wins makes a huge difference.
After all of that: going outside your comfort zone, doing all the things, and going to the events, number 10 is to schedule some downtime to recalibrate and recover. You especially need this if you're not used to being out and about with people. Ease into it slowly and build in recovery time. We'll go over downtime and "me time" when we talk about self-care practices in Chapter 5, but for now, know that "me time" is part of the plan.
And finally, number 11 is to hone your intuition. Look for the resources in the blog post for blocking energy when you're sensitive and transforming clairsentience to claircognizance. The link is in the show notes.

What did I forget? I'm sure all of you have some great tips on what else you could do to make yourself more comfortable in social situations. I want to hear your ideas that are missing from this list. Come on over to the blog post that goes with this episode, and leave me a comment with your ideas. Or, visit me at TikTok at Dr. Jodi and leave me a comment there.

I'm so touched that you spent this time with me today. I hope you got so much out of this episode! We looked at social anxiety, being empathic, and being sensitive in social situations. We reviewed self-confidence and went over the 11 suggestions on how to feel more comfortable in social situations.

Big giant hugs to you for listening, commenting, and leaving me a five-star review on Apple Podcasts! Remember, if I've helped you at all, share this book and this podcast series because you never know who is struggling around you; you may make a big difference in their lives! This whole episode has been a really great segue to the next episode, where we'll go into Chapter 3, Section 6, "Activate Courage." Read that section or listen to it, and I will meet you there!

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

3:4 Activate Responsibility

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 6 May 2023 05:15:00 +0000

This episode follows Chapter 3, Section 4: "Activate Responsibility" of Anxiety... I'm So Done with You! The idea of responsibility may stress you out because it feels like an obligation or a trap. In this episode, I debunk that idea and explain how responsibility brings freedom. You'll learn how

Responsibility leads to a positive self-view
It energizes and invigorates you
To think of yourself in a power role when approaching tasks
To negotiate for what you want

Stepping closer to adulthood could be daunting, but I'll show you how accepting responsibility is good for you.

Adolescence is a time of transition. Many traditional cultures have rites of passage designed to help youth transition from childhood to adulthood, also known as liminal time. In Western society, many of us have been disconnected from our ancestors' rites of passage ceremonies, which could make youth feel adrift. In this episode, I acknowledge that loss and make suggestions to smooth the process of stepping into responsibility.

You'll learn the benefits of responsibility in so many areas of your life. Let me show you how responsibility is your ally. It'll help you become empowered, invigorated, and purposeful. Most importantly, it has the potential to give you control over your anxiety.

"Responsibility makes you feel good about yourself. You'll feel accomplished, relieved when the task is off your plate, or happy if you helped someone. Plus, if you had a challenge when doing that task, you will feel proud for overcoming that challenge." - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

You can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Survival Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcription:

You are amazing! You have many skills and abilities. However, anxiety does not want you to know that. It tries to block your view of them. But not anymore! This season, we'll bring them out into the open, giving you more access to them when you need them the most. As this season progresses, you're going to envision yourself in a new way––as a person who is able, caring, confident, and determined. Thank you for listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple Podcasts. Mental health problems are skyrocketing, especially among young people, and this series will help them cease judging, stop questioning, and start healing!

Welcome to Chapter 3, Section 4: Activate Responsibility. In this episode, I'm going to discuss how:

responsibility leads to freedom and a positive self-view
responsibility can be energizing and invigorating
to position yourself in a power role when approaching any task, and lastly,
to negotiate for what you want

Before we dive into all that, remember that I go live every Monday on YouTube and Facebook. You'll find me on YouTube and TikTok at @DoctorJodi.

"Responsibility" may have a bad rap, especially for teenagers! And that's because you're trying to individuate and become your own person. Developmentally, you are supposed to rebel. As you move along this process of individuating––

(I find the word "individuate" interesting because it doesn't mean be on your own or be a single, individual person; it comes from the word indivisible, meaning undivided. That means, as you grow into adulthood, you realize you are part of a whole. It's so convoluted that the word that means indivisible has a connotation of a person being on their own. It's supposed to be a person being a member of a whole community and connected to that community. Or even beyond the community––connected to the energy field and the land. Connected as in being one with all of that.)

As you travel your life path from kid to adult, you are transitioning to this new identity––the adult you. In many older societies, older than Western culture, cultures that still connect with the land and are more communal, there are Rights of Passage rituals that young people go through to mark this transition into adulthood and their community. In these ceremonies, they accept the responsibility of adulthood. They take their position in society. There's a big hole missing in Western culture because most young people don't have these rituals to help them get through this time psychologically.

An anthropologist named Arnold van Gennep studied rites of passage around the world. An anthropologist is someone who looks at human culture and humanity. He suggests that rites of passage and rituals follow the three-stage process described below.

1. In the first stage, you are changed from something you were to something new or different. That's called separation. You leave childhood––your young identity––and transition into adulthood.

2. In the second stage, you remove yourself from society temporarily because you're in a period of transition called liminality; sometimes, I refer to this as the caterpillar's cocoon.

3. The third stage is when you re-enter society as a new person, which is called incorporation.

In adolescence, you are going through this process. If your family doesn't have a cultural ritual for this, you will have to feel your way through the process on your own. In the second stage, the liminal space is a betwixt-and-between place where you pull back from your parents and are in your head a lot. You're trying to figure out who you are and your position. In non-individualized cultures, you might be in the forest on a vision quest. If so, you would have a guide for this experience––the medicine person from the community or a spiritual elder would guide you through this process.

As a young adult, you may be going through this liminal time. You might feel like you're in caterpillar soup, releasing that caterpillar body and growing a new body with beautiful wings. If you're here in this liminal space, having one or some adults in your life that you can trust makes it more accessible. If you don't yet have one, find a trusting adult to support you. Let them help you. Humans are not meant to do things alone, especially something as big as becoming your own person. You want an adult to show you that adulthood isn't that bad, that the responsibility that comes with it is freeing and connecting, and that it gives you a sense of purpose and position in the community, which provides you with belonging and lifelong happiness.

Studies from all over the world show a correlation between purpose and living longer and happier. We'll discuss that more in Chapter 5, but as a preview here, I'm letting you know that a sense of purpose gives you a reason to live. It gives you a feeling of worthiness. You deserve/need that because people without a sense of purpose feel lost and untethered.

How does responsibility equal freedom?

Think about your life. In particular, think about a time when you're around well-functioning adults. (Sadly, I have to specify "well-functioning adults" because many of you have adults who are not functioning that well.) If not your parents or grandparents, there should be some good adult somewhere in your sphere; aunts, uncles, someone at school, a neighbor, or one of your friend's parents. Think about how you feel when you're around them. Reflect on when you helped them with something like holding the door for them, acting politely, or doing something kind. When well-functioning adults witness you being responsible, they want to give you things like compliments, privileges, support, and opportunities. They recognize you and are so happy that you're doing those things they want to give you whatever they can. That is how well-functioning adults act around young people who are responsible.

I don't mean that they give you everything that you want. (That's not well-functioning to give someone everything that they want.) However, they want to give you rewards and privileges when they see your responsibility. And those rewards and privileges equal freedom to do the things you can't do if you hadn't earned them.

People with rewards and privileges without having earned them usually don't appreciate them the same way as people who have earned them. The people who earn privilege through their behavior––and by behavior, I mean kindness and actions, and by actions, I mean, they are responsible, conscientious, ethical, and do what they say they're going to do––are usually nicer people to hang out with. They feel more grounded and comfortable with themselves. And because they're comfortable with themselves, they treat other people around them better. The amount of responsibility you embody is relative to the freedom you get.

(There's a relationship, but not a guarantee. Because our world is very unfair, many injustices marginalize people in our society, keeping them from the opportunities they deserve. Then, bullies, criminals, and accidents hamper people's freedom, too. In general, though, responsibility is highly correlated with freedom.)

It's helpful to consider responsibility low-risk and high-reward because it's absolutely worth the effort. For example, if you showed commitment at a job, you'd get promoted faster and earn more money. Plus, responsibility won't only earn you rewards and privileges; it also makes you feel good about yourself. You feel:

accomplished
relieved when the task is off your plate
happy that you helped someone, and
proud for overcoming any challenges you may have faced

On the other hand, being irresponsible makes you feel bad about yourself. You may not think you care about being "responsible," but often, even if it is below your awareness, there is shame and guilt about being irresponsible. Then, you have to overcompensate to convince yourself that you don't care, and the guilt and shame eat you up inside anyway, even if you deny them. Plus, being irresponsible hurts relationships. It gets you into fights and conflicts, makes you put walls up, keeps people away, and makes you distrust yourself and others. Unfortunately, this isolates you.

Responsibility, though, connects you to people. It gives you a sense of belonging. People need you, and you need them. They help you, and you help them. For example, when you participate in your family chores, you are part of helping your house run. Even if you don't consciously care about that, your brain feels settled in that belonging. It enjoys the safety that comes with belonging to a group. Another benefit is that managing and completing tasks robustifies your prefrontal cortex. (I just made up the word "robustify," but I have not found another word that really portrays the same meaning––to make it fuller, richer, and more invigorated.)

Anytime you build up your prefrontal cortex, your anxiety, and depression go down. I recently listened to a news segment with Sanjay Gupta, which I'll link to in the blog post that goes with this episode. He was referring to some studies of the teenage brain where they took MRIs before and during the COVID-19 pandemic. On those scans, they found an overall shrinkage of the participant's prefrontal cortex, which they attributed to the lack of activity during the social isolation of the lockdowns. When the prefrontal cortex is under-stimulated, anxiety and depression increase.

Remember, the prefrontal cortex is the mammalian brain that can override any false beliefs that the anxiety (the reptilian brain) tells you. That means the more robust the prefrontal cortex is, the less power anxiety has. The prefrontal cortex is the brain's executive functioning, where you make meaning and decisions and recognize your agency and authority. Now that we are post-pandemic, your prefrontal cortex desperately needs stimulation.

The prefrontal cortex is stimulated through activities like problem-solving, challenging yourself, learning new things, and being creative. Responsibility makes you feel better! Anxiety and depression want you to pull away from any responsibility. Plus, they have you too exhausted to do anything. However, that not only keeps anxiety and depression in your life, but it makes them worse. Don't listen to the anxiety and depression. They do not have your best interests at heart.

Do something little, even when you're exhausted, or the anxiety wants you to pay attention to its lies. Do something little, even if it's clean out one drawer. That might be all you can do if you're exhausted. Try that one little task. Then, celebrate it! Look at it. See how good it looks all organized. This will help you feel good about it. That's what we discussed in the last episode: celebrating anything you do. And it will feed you energy for the very next task. Then you get more energy to do the next task; you use the energy you get from that task to do the next task, the next task, and the next task.

When you are unmotivated, you are an "object at rest" (inertia= object at rest stays at rest; an object in motion stays in motion). To get out of "rest," you must slowly transform yourself into an object-in-motion with your prefrontal cortex. Your mammalian brain has to make you engage in the first small task. You can't go from 0 to 100 (rest to super speed). You have to accelerate slowly. Luckily, once you are in motion, the inertia carries you, and it takes less effort to stay active.

The other thing about responsibility to remember is that you see yourself reflected off the people around you. So, when they see you as responsible, it affirms and acknowledges you. You feel really good about yourself. That acknowledgment, acceptance, appreciation, and being noticed? It lifts you, energizes, and invigorates you. Without positive feedback like this, you start to feel shriveled up. You stop having your dopamine release, and then you stop caring about anything. You feel increasingly exhausted, saying, "I'm so tired all the time. I'm so tired all the time."

In that state, you feel like a victim of everything anyone asks you to do. The requests feel like demands and obligations. You feel powerless and out of control, so what do you do? You protest those things, but the protest itself can be more effort, while at the same time, you are losing your potential rewards or privileges from the conflict caused by protesting. (You don't win anything here. You just stay suffering.)

Instead, I want you to think about responsibility as you being in a power-role. You are choosing to do anything that you do. It's true! Everything you do is a choice. (Even if it doesn't feel like a choice, like when you are doing it because you don't want to get in trouble. You are choosing not to get in trouble.) When you feel empowered, that is your choice; it will feel totally different to do that thing. This is a mindset shift. It's always your choice; you just have to see it that way. Besides, sometimes doing the task is much less energy than protesting it. Plus, you get the benefits from doing it!

Kind in mind: if responsibility gives you freedom, then responsibility gives you power. Tasks will seem more manageable when you think of it this way. They will take less energy to start because you're not fighting yourself as much. As time passes and you get used to doing things, your calorie-conserving resistance will decrease. When your brain gets used to tasks, it stops protesting them. The task becomes easier and worth the effort (since there's less effort.) Life is so much easier when you don't oppose the little actions you must do to manage your life. When you're used to doing them, they get easier, and you will get more opportunities. And you'll be able to handle bigger challenges that come your way.

Before we close this episode, let's talk about negotiation. Negotiation is an excellent skill for anyone to have. The world works through relation and cause and effect. People have needs and wants, and also things to offer others. Humans are social beings, and we can't do everything that we have to do in our life alone. We can barely do a small portion of the things that we have to do in our life alone. We need other people, and other people need us. Therefore, you have to learn how to negotiate for those needs. When you were a child, people met your needs without you having to ask, but now that you're entering adulthood. You are in this liminal space. You have opinions about what you want and how you want it. So, you must start learning how to negotiate to get those things. What's important to know about negotiating is that it's a two-way street. You have to give something to get something in a negotiation.

You're older now and can be responsible. You have to give what the other person needs to get what you need. "Giving" can sometimes merely be acting responsibly. For example, you have to clean your room before going out or do some extra chores to earn a few bucks. Here's a hot tip about negotiating: If you know the other person well, you know what they want, which will help you understand what you can offer them. Offer something first, something that you would absolutely do, before making your request.

Keep in mind, though, if you offer something that you promised before but didn't do, it won't work. If you still need to build up trust, then you'll have to do something that you said you do before you get what you want. Expect you need to build trust before that kind of negotiation works. If you're saying, "I'll do this if you do this for me," they have to count on you that you will do that thing. If they can't count on you, you must do your thing first to earn what you want. That's where the responsibility comes in. When you're responsible, it gives you tons of negotiation power. That means you can ask for more things with fewer things you have to offer! They trust you already!

I will link to more negotiation tactics in the blog post that goes along with this episode because this skill will help you so much in life. You'll use it in every single relationship: friends, romantic partners, kids, and in every career. No matter what you do, having a good understanding of negotiation skills will benefit you. The link to the blog post is in the show notes.

That's it for this episode. Thank you so much for sticking with me through this whole process. Today, I talked about

Responsibility correlation with freedom and a positive self-view
Responsibility being energizing and invigorating
Thinking of yourself in a power role when approaching tasks
Negotiating for what you want.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for listening and commenting and leaving me a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. If I've helped you at all, share this book and podcast series because you never know who is struggling around you, and you might make a huge difference in their lives. The next episode is Chapter 3, Section 5, Activate Confidence. Read or listen to that section, and I'll meet you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

3:3 Activate Motivation

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 6 May 2023 05:10:00 +0000

This episode follows Chapter 3, Section 3: "Activate Motivation" of Anxiety... I'm So Done with You! Whatever hopes, dreams, and goals you have are important. Anxiety wants you to give up on them. It tells you not to bother to avoid disappointment. However, that doesn't feel good. Humans thrive when they have hopes, dreams, and goals. In this episode, you'll learn:

What resistance really is
How to have a growth mindset
How to set goals that make you feel good
My best secret for lifelong happiness

You deserve the life that you desire. Sometimes, it might feel like you don't, but you do. I'll show you how to attain the goals that are right for you.

When you decide you will fail something BEFORE starting it, it affects your motivation to do it. You hardly feel like there is a point in putting the effort in, so you don't. So then, of course, you can't/don't achieve it! In this episode, I share how to get motivated for things you want, even if the reward is far into the future. You'll learn how to set realistic expectations for yourself and take action to meet them.

It may seem that you are unmotivated, but I'm not sure about that. In fact, you may be more motivated than you think. You are probably highly motivated, but you resist doing things. Now that you know where your resistance comes from, you can override it. And then you can go after the things that you want for yourself and your life.

"There are two things that spark motivation. One is desire, which is the why you want something and how badly you desire it. The second thing is expectations, if you expect that you can get it, you will be motivated to take tha action that you need to take to get it.”

" - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

You can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Survival Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcription:

Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is Season 3 of "Anxiety… I'm so Done with You!" This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. If you're new here, grab a copy of my book "Anxiety… I'm so Done with You!" because this series goes section by section through the book, going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. Season 3, which goes along with Chapter 3, is expanding hope by looking at your skills and abilities.

Welcome to Chapter 3, Section 3: "Activate Motivation." In this episode:

We will discuss hopes, dreams, goals, and desires.
I'll go over how to convince yourself that not only do you deserve them, but they are POSSIBLE to attain (even when anxiety says they are not).
We'll review resistance by unpacking what it is and what it means.
I'll share why it seems to you that you can't do the things that other people can do.
We'll go over growth mindset and how to set goals that won't conjure a trapped feeling.
I'm going to share how you can follow through on them.
I'm going to give you my best secret for lifelong happiness.

Ready to jump in? Okay, what are hopes, dreams, goals, and desires?

They are things you don't have now but want in the future. Sometimes our mind plays tricks on us, thinking that we shouldn't want hopes and dreams and goals and desires because then we'll be disappointed when we don't get them. It makes us try to avoid wanting anything in the first place to prevent that loss. However, we lose our spark and vitality for life because it's the wanting and needing of things that keep us interested and motivated. Trying not to want something because you're afraid of disappointment puts us in direct conflict with yourself.

See, our problems solving brains want to be goal oriented. That feels safer to the brain, whose intention is survival. Your mind is trying to protect you by avoiding disappointment, and it has decided that you avoid disappointment by not trying anything. In other words, your ego does not want change. Your brain wants to change, but your ego does not. They are constantly fighting with each other, which drives us crazy.

(I realize I am referring to the brain and the mind differently here. In some contexts, these words are interchangeable. In fact, I use them interchangeably in many areas of this series. Here, I am distinguishing the _brain_––the biological functioning and survival mechanism for the body––and the _mind––_which is highly influenced by culture, meaning-making, and fear.

That sounds like the mind is all bad (I keep calling it the monkey mind.) The monkey mind is the negative, overthinking aspect of the mind. The mind itself isn't all evil. It can be motivated by purpose, commitment, care, love, and connection, too. The brain is the power behind the mind. You are inspired, learn, and grow in your mind. It is when the mind is left to its own devices that it could cause problems. When you take conscious control of your mind, things can get a lot easier for you. First of all, you wouldn't feel as depressed and anxious. And also, you'd have the bandwidth to act on your hopes, desires, and dreams.

Young people have a weird relationship with motivation. Goals, responsibilities, and tasks feel like an obligation. All too often, meaning is made around them as if those things are "traps" instead of opportunities.

The conserving calorie directive of the young brain is looking for immediate rewards for tasks. However, many essential duties have abstract or longer-term benefits. The prefrontal cortex is fully developed in the mid to late 20s. That is the executive functioning part of the brain. It is where decisions are made, situations are interpreted, foresight is considered, and expectations are balanced.

Everyone makes decisions by weighing risks vs. rewards. Young people with a less developed prefrontal cortex consider immediate rewards more readily than big-picture or future rewards. Tasks-with-future-rewards don't seem worth the effort, or people procrastinate them since they are not prioritized.

I listened to Jennice Vilhauer's TEDxPeachtree talk, "Why you don't get what you want." She talks about expectations, saying that when people want something, yet they do not expect it to work out, they do not take action toward it. Then, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy: they don't get the thing. Unfortunately, the next time they want something, they use that past experience of failure to shape expectations for the future.

When you think you won't get something, putting any effort in seems like a waste of time. Also, the maladaptive thought is that when you put in the effort, the disappointment is more crippling.

That is not true! You are disappointed either way when you don't get something you want. You are disappointed the moment that you decide you can't expect it! This causes you to have multiple losses: the loss of not having what you want and the loss of confidence in the future. This means that you are staying suffering in the guise of protecting yourself from effort, disappointment, and loss, which YOU MAY NOT HAVE if you expected to succeed.

If this is happening in your subconscious (without you knowing), you could convince yourself you are protecting yourself. Unfortunately, the mind will rationalize decisions, even if they are against you. You might even positively spin the decision as if it is good for you to feel better about yourself despite not getting what you want. But also, another part of you is blaming yourself for failing (that same old conflict with yourself).

You can override all of this with conscious decision-making and shifting your expectations. I realize that up until now, I've used the word "expectation" in this series when I was talking about unrealistic expectations or high cultural standards that we try to live up to and can't, so think we are inadequate. Unfortunately, these perceived failures really mess with how to set reasonable expectations. This is a problem. If you perceived a compulsion (an attached need) to meet them, you might feel so overly pressured that you want to protest them, but that is akin to shooting yourself in the foot since it is something you WANT.

Expectations, in general, are not a trap. Reasonable expectations are good for our mental health, happiness, and success. They signify freedom. Unrealistic cultural expectations ARE a trap, and you can get rid of those.

Think about something coming up for you in the next week. An event or a project, or something. Ask yourself:

What are your expectations about it?

What do you think will happen?

Are you excited that it will go your way?

Are you afraid it might go badly?

Why do you have those expectations?

What would happen if you changed those expectations?

When you change your expectations and expect the event to go well, you start taking action to support it going well. You are participating in the outcome. And then you feel less and less like a passive recipient of life.

Two things go into motivation:

The desire.

That is the "why?" Why do you want something? How badly do you desire it? The more you want it, or the outcome of it, the more motivated you are.

Expectations.

If you expect you can get it, you will be motivated to take the actions you need to get it. If not, you will feel unmotivated (or highly motivated to resist it).

Resistance comes from our biological drive to protect our survival, pleasure, and freedom. Unfortunately, it is so often used against our desires! Resistance itself is not a problem. It can be powerful when we use it for ourselves, like when we resist the nay-saying anxiety, an abuser's demands, a bad habit, and the voice of self-doubt, and instead stay grounded in believing in ourselves. That would be good.

Sometimes you may look around you, and everyone you see seems naturally motivated. Thinking this and seeing yourself as lazy or unmotivated could make you feel bad about yourself. People are not "just naturally motivated." Motivation is honed like a skill. It is something you can hone too—even me. People consider me highly productive since I can get many things done. It's easy to assume that it's natural or just my personality. If you saw me in action, you might think, "She must not struggle with procrastination or resistance."

But that is not true! I have as much trouble getting out of bed as the next person. I usually have to force myself to put my feet on the floor. To make a video, record a podcast, make a call, or whatever it is, my brain whines, "No, I don't want to!" and I have to override it. In everything I do, I have to use my conscious mind to override that resistance.

Be careful what you think and say because you are listening to yourself think and say it.

My husband and I have a running joke when our alarm goes off. We whine, "I don't want to!" Luckily, we love what we do, and get up and go anyway. However, if you think about it, that jest is a terrible habit. Our bodies and subconscious minds hear that and process it as true on some level. Even though we'll be okay, it costs us more effort to overcome than if we didn't make that comment.

I was leading a supervision group recently, and someone called a kid's behavior "impossible to stop." I said, "I know you are speaking in hyperbole, but your body hears you say that and it will affect how you treat them."

Another example was from years ago. I used to think about how little time I had given everything on my plate as a working mom of young kids. I constantly said, "I don't have time," to myself until I realized that I was creating that reality. Saying I don't have time suggests I am a victim of not having time. That idea exhausted me and made me feel out of control, increasing my stress. Not having enough time became a truth that I performed. For example, I did things like spill my smoothie and had to take more time to clean it.

What's weird is that I was controlling my schedule and was managing everything okay, yet I still repeated, "I don't have time." It was as if I was saying it for sympathy for my exhaustion, and to acknowledge how much I was doing. To be honest, the phrase was stressing me out more than my business was. I decided to stop saying it to myself because I wanted my body to stop hearing it. And guess what? It changed how I related to time and created my schedule.

One more example of this comes from my daughter who says that she is tired all the time. It is on repeat, internally and externally. When she says this to me, my first response is to validate her feelings. But when she continues to repeat it, I remind her that it will feel worse to keep saying it as her body hears it and is more and more disappointed and worried that something is wrong with her.

Let's talk about growth mindset.

A growth mindset is an understanding that your abilities can develop and that your intentions and actions participate in that development. Having a growth mindset means that you expect that you can grow.

The opposite of a growth mindset is a fixed mindset. This is when you don't expect you can be successful, learn, or grow, or when you think of yourself as too inadequate to do these things.

Teens with a fixed mindset are more likely to:

Think negative thoughts about themselves and others
Feel like things are not worth their effort
Fear failure
Rationalize away constructive feedback
Avoid risks
Feel threatened by the success of people around them
Be rigid about expectations, schedules, and plans

Do these sound familiar? There are so many messages in our culture that say, "You can't!" These both come from anxiety and depression and cause anxiety and depression. You have the growth ability; you simply must remind yourself that you do. Adolescence is a time marked by growth and development. Massive growth and development is happening. When you are in it, it sometimes feels like you know all the things adults do already, but when you think back to a year ago, you realize how much you have learned and grown.

In his 2005 song, Tom Waits says, "You can never hold back the spring!" You can't hold back your growth. In fact, you will grow even if you think that you can't. However, unconscious growth may not be as easy, rewarding, expanded, pleasure-producing, or advanced as it would be if you leaned into your abilities and believed in yourself.

Setting realistic goals

Let's now talk about setting realistic goals. You'll want to set measurable and achievable goals and something that you can achieve in the amount of time you have. When you have achievable goals and achieve them, it builds your confidence and sense of agency. Once you have those goals, here are four ways to motivate yourself to realize them.

Decide to do it.

In a workshop I attended, the presenter told us to stand up and hold our pens out. If you don't have a pen, pick up an object around you because I want you to do this. Hold it in your right hand out in front of you. Whatever this object is, try to let it go. Do you still have your pen in your hand? At the workshop, we all still had our pens in our hands. It was a powerful reminder that trying is not doing. Trying is just trying.

People often use "trying" as an excuse not to do something. If you are aware that you are doing this, like if you say, "I tried," or "I'm gonna try," there's often a hidden motivation to protect yourself should you fail. The trying indicates you have yet to decide that you want it or don't believe you can get it. To circumnavigate this, you have to go back to the why. Why do I want it? Then ask: Can I get it? Then, start taking action.

Write it down.

A lot of research says that using a to-do list, writing down your goals, or writing down a task you want to do increases your chances of doing it 11 times. Eleven times! Why aren't we all writing everything down? That statistic should be so motivating! First, visualize what you want, then put your intentions down on paper. Remember to write down the little steps! When you only list big projects, you won't enjoy the highly motivating satisfaction of crossing out your finished tasks several times a day.

Start immediately.

Don't hesitate to start! When you pause, your brain thinks something's wrong and it starts overthinking everything. Overthinking encourages excuses that sabotage you. Hesitation puts a wrench in the wheels. You want to start immediately. Sometimes starting is the most challenging energy to conjure. Once you've initiated, the task is often easier to continue doing. One trick I use to begin a difficult task is to convince myself to "just start" or "just do it for five minutes," and then, once I'm doing the job, it is easy for me to continue.

Celebrate your wins.

I've celebrated my wins for the last 20 years, which is the key to my happiness. I celebrate everything I do, which feeds me as nothing else can. When I do something, no matter how little, I say, "Wow! I did that! Look, I cleaned that corner of my desk! That's awesome!" it gives me this boost of energy for the very next task. Celebrating your wins is pretty easy. You don't have to do a lot. You don't have to give yourself a lavish celebration or a huge treat. (If it's a significant accomplishment, you do want to do those things. For example, if you graduate high school, that's a huge celebration.) Otherwise, your celebrations can be small; even taking a pregnant pause and thinking, "Hmm, I did that!" can work.

Through so much of life, we do a task and immediately think about all the other jobs we didn't get to yet. When I finish recording this episode, I could think, "I have 18 episodes left to do!" But that would feel heavy and hard. This would get me discouraged, tired, and wanting to put off the next one. (Which would make me feel like a failure!) Instead, celebrating this accomplishment, such as, "This is amazing! Look at how many I have done already! I'm going to really help people with this podcast!" makes a huge difference. It gives me the energy that I need for the next episode.

I was listening to Jennice Vilhauer's TEDx talk about expectations, and I thought about recording this episode I'm doing now. I've been batching the recordings of this series that goes with my book sections, doing them all over a couple of weeks instead of one a week for six months. This has been a lot of work! I'm totally feeling the amount of effort that I'm putting into them. In this context, I thought about doing this episode when listening to Jennie's talk. Then, instead of being overwhelmed, I decided to follow her suggestions. I said to myself, "It is going to go okay. It won't take me long if I start. I'll do it swiftly and easily because I can do it."

Previously, starting the episodes was challenging for me. That heaviness made it harder to sit down and do them. I kept wanting to get up and go do something else––anything else. But then, I thought about my why. That's you. I reflected on what I wanted to tell you. I pictured myself recording this and just speaking into this microphone, and it going really, really well. I visualized it being easy, sat down, wrote my notes for this episode, pushed record, and started.

(I hope it's okay! I hope you like it.)

Celebrating your wins is something that will make or break your life. They don't have to be big wins; they could be tiny. I celebrate when I empty the dishwasher! It feels good to celebrate that you cleaned the kitchen; it's incredible that you cleaned it. You're not getting a big ego or anything. When you clean the kitchen and then look at it and think, "That is amazing! I cleaned the kitchen!" it'll give you energy for whatever you have next. You'll stay happy and stop ruminating on your "deficits."

If you clean the kitchen and then berate yourself for not doing your homework or cleaning your room yet, that's heavy! It's exhausting and will drain your energy for the next task.

What do you think? Are you ready to celebrate? Celebrate this episode with me! I'm at the end of the episode I was planning and trying to have good expectations for!

In this episode, we

Discussed hopes, dreams, goals, and desires.
Went over how to convince yourself that not only do you deserve them, but they are possible to attain even when the anxiety says that they're not
Unpacked resistance and growth mindset (as opposed to a fixed mindset)
Talked about how to think about goals as something you consciously choose
Shared four ways to follow through on them (including my best-kept secret for lifelong happiness: Celebrate your wins!)

Thank you so much for listening to this podcast, "Anxiety… I'm So Done!" with you, Dr. Jodi. Please comment, share, and leave me a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. And come hang out with me on TikTok @DoctorJodi!

We're going to keep going with this topic in the next episode. Read Chapter 3, Section 4, "Activate Responsibility," and I'll see you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

3:2 Activate Trust

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 6 May 2023 05:05:00 +0000

This episode follows Chapter 3, Section 2: "Activate Trust" of Anxiety... I'm So Done with You! Do you have trust issues? ‘Trust issues’ sound like a problem. But really, it means you value trust. In this episode, you’ll learn:

How to develop a deeper trust in yourself
What “keeping your ruby slippers on” means
Red flags to watch for in relationships
Tips on developing your intuition

Trust in relationships is important. When it is broken, it’s a slow road to building it back up. Sometimes, it feels impossible or that you are at fault because you are choosing the wrong people to trust. In this episode, I give you the secret to having trust again after being hurt.

There are three steps to activating trust.

Learn to read people
Keep your ruby slippers on
Handle it

Understanding these three will help you feel more confident to take risks and get close to people. Take your time getting to know people. Observing people is one of the ways we decide if we can trust them. Then, the ruby slippers come in. You are going to want to keep those puppies on!

You will learn two more things when you listen in. One is common red flags to look out for. These red flags will help steer you away from controlling or untrustworthy people. Another thing is how to trust your own intuition. Anxiety tries to block our inner wisdom, but you can reach through anxiety and access it. I will tell you how. Plus, when you trust yourself, you learn how to find the right people for fulfilling relationships. And that gives you the confidence anxiety tries to take from you.

"People are limited. Even when they don't mean to hurt you, and sometimes when they don't even know that they hurt you, they hurt you. It's important to know that you can handle it if that happens. Knowing you can handle it will help you take risks and get close to people, and that is so worth it." - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

Remember, you can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcription:

Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is Season 3 of "Anxiety… I'm so Done with You!" This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. If you're new here, grab a copy of my book "Anxiety… I'm so Done with You!" because this series goes section by section through the book, going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. Season 3, which goes along with Chapter 3, is expanding hope by looking at your skills and abilities.

Welcome to Chapter 3, Section 2, Activate Trust. In this episode, we will discuss trust issues. I'll share:

how to develop a deeper trust in yourself
how to keep on your ruby slippers
what relationship red flags to look out for
my best tips on how to develop your intuition

Before we start, I wanted to remind you that you can hang out with me on TikTok at Dr. Jodi for ongoing practical tips for your brain body and spirit.

I'm really excited about this chapter because we are activating your skills and abilities. Often, people go to a therapist and are taught skills from that therapist's expertise. Or they read a book and learn what the author says is a good coping skill. That's great, but it's hard to embody new skills that come from expertise. If they're not something familiar or related to you, and then you try and can't do them, at the very least, you discard them, but at the very worst, you negatively judge yourself for failing them. What's good about this chapter is that instead of learning new things you have no relationship to, we're going over categories of skills you already have and can recognize. And then, we're going to bring them online for you.

All right, trust issues. Do you have trust issues? "Trust issues" sound like you have a problem. You may actually say, "I have trust issues," as if you're admitting a problem that you have. But trust issues just means that trust is important to you. (Wouldn't it be weirder if trust wasn't important to you?) You are a social being who wants to connect with people who care about and love you. This takes trust. If you have had an experience in life when someone has hurt you, this breaks trust. And once trust is broken, it takes time to build it back up. Being hurt hurts your heart; when it hurts, it feels awful, and you never want to feel that way again. Also, when people get hurt, they tend to blame themselves, so they conclude that they are the problem because they trusted someone who hurt them.

You are not a problem. You have trust issues because you are a human and care about the sanctity of trust. Trust is vital in relationships, and people are limited, so they break trust sometimes. All of us havehad experiences when trust was broken. Sometimes it was a minor betrayal, and sometimes it was huge. Sometimes it is so painful that we carry it for a long long time. Of course, we do; trust is important to us. People are important to us. Feeling loved and cared about is important to us.

In this section, Activate Trust, I remind you that the only person that you have to trust is yourself. I give you a practical framework for how to think about this.

First, Observe People

The first thing is to recognize your skills in reading people. This means observing people and getting a read on them, and learning what you can expect from them. Test the waters. Develop trust slowly, getting to know people before you are vulnerable. I know you have skills in observation because if you've had anxiety, you've spent a lot of time observing people. The anxious voice and the worries try to spin everything negatively, but don't listen. Keep what you notice at the center of your mind rather than assuming they will hurt you and trying to figure that out. When you try to figure things out, it is an invitation to the monkey mind. We want to disempower the monkey, not empower the monkey.

Here's an example of what you might be noticing:

She's smiling.
Her eyes look kind.
She's complimenting her friend when she talks to her friend.
She makes eye contact when she speaks to the teacher.
She's polite.
I never saw her interrupt anybody.
When she walks past someone who drops something, she stops and helps them pick it up.
I saw her stand up for somebody.

These all indicate that she may be a nice person. This doesn't mean she is a nice person. They are merely initial observations. I wouldn't run up to her and tell her all my secrets, but these observations suggest she's, for sure, worth taking the next steps of saying hi, asking a question about class, or complimenting her earrings.

Take your time getting to know people. There is no rush! Some people can fake being nice for a short while, but nobody can fake it for too long. Get to know people slowly to see if they stay trustworthy. This is how you develop trust in yourself by taking your time. It's important to note that even nice people hurt others by accident or if they're having a bad day. They make terrible choices, too, sometimes. People might pull away because they are isolating themselves, and it is not about you at all. They're sad, or they're having anxiety or something like that. So even if you get close to someone who is a good person, there's still no guarantee that you won't be hurt, so I added two more steps to this framework.

2. Keep on Your Ruby Slippers

The next one is to keep on your ruby slippers. (Yep, I'm back to making a Wizard-of-Oz metaphor again!) In The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy has the ruby slippers on the whole movie while she and her friends search for the great and powerful Wizard of Oz to help her get home. In the end, she finds out that she had the power to get herself home the whole time and that the power was in her ruby slippers. The ruby slippers symbolize her personal agency––her ability to affect what she wants to happen. If you take the metaphor a step further, it is about her worth. Dorothy was looking for the wizard to see if he thought she was worthy enough to go home. All too often in social situations, people unconsciously leave the ruby slippers at the door. Or worse, they hand the ruby slippers to other people looking for confirmation of their worth.

It makes sense that in social situations, we are looking to others to confirm our worthiness since we don't experience our "self" in a vacuum. We only know ourselves and see ourselves reflected off the people around us. (That's why it's so important to surround yourself with good people!) However, you never want to give people your ruby slippers because that means they have full control over your self-concept, and I want you to have full control over your self-concept. When you see yourself reflected off the people around you, keeping your ruby slippers will allow you to decide what fits and what doesn't. You can choose who is the reflecting surface that you want to see yourself in. A bully? Or someone who really sees the good in you?

You are going to be around difficult people sometimes because they are everywhere. In Chapter 2, Lie #6, I give you some tools on how to get away from them and/or block them. I also have my Energy Shield Training video about this on the blog post that goes along with this episode to assist you in dealing with difficult people that you cannot trust and luckily don't have to trust. Sometimes we have people at work, home, or school who are difficult and we can't get away from them. Maybe you have to be in their presence occasionally. For those situations, keep your ruby slippers on. Also, dose yourself with some compassion, take a step back, and don't take anything they say into your heart.

Do an experiment

In that Lie #6 section, I suggest an exercise on how to be kind to difficult people. Don't try this with a bully, but you can try it with someone who's crabby or a bit negative. Assume that they've been hurt and think of them as a fragile person because that is what they are. Show them some kindness. Acknowledge them. You don't have to spend too long with them but compliment them here and there and smile at them. See if you notice a change in them. Most people are sad or feel bad about themselves because of some situation, someone has hurt them, or something in their life has been lost or threatened. Your small kindnesses could make them feel valued, and you might notice that this makes a difference to their behavior.

It's important to note that you are in a power-role in this experiment, so you are relatively safe. You're not opening your heart and being vulnerable with these difficult people. However, if they get mean to you at all, abort the experiment. I'm unsure if you know what I mean by being "in a power role." In those exchanges, you're not expecting the person to grant you worthiness. You are not giving that crabby person your ruby slippers, so they have power over how you see yourself. You are keeping them. It also doesn't mean that you have power over them. Hopefully, your compliments will contribute to them feeling good about themselves, but you're not controlling their worthiness. (See the difference?)

Power Dynamics

There are power dynamics in all relationships and some roles that affect those dynamics. For example, a teacher is in a power rule over a student because they're the adult and an authority figure in the school setting. Plus, they give the students grades. Teachers ought to minimize those power dynamics whenever they can but also recognize that they're there because they can't be eliminated. And they come with a responsibility not to abuse them. Social identities affect power dynamics too. For example, White people have unearned power and privilege that people of color do not have. As much as we wish that that didn't exist, it is important to know that it has and it does exist so that we can dismantle it. We can't change it if we're blind to it. More examples of social power differences because of discrimination are gender, heteronormativity, and cis-normativity. We need to see and dismantle those power differences.

Some people use power dynamics to control people. This is that pseudo-power that I was talking about before. It is bullying and abusive, yet it happens all the time in friend relationships, dating relationships, and adult and young people's relationships. It happens way too much. In this section, I list some red flags to look for in case you're interacting with a person like this or need clarification on whether you're interacting with someone like this. I will read those off because a lot of doubt comes up around these kinds of relationships, and you may need to hear them repeatedly.

they keep saying how perfect you are, and then they criticize everything that you do
they say that nobody else would love you as much as they love you
when they're angry, they say it's your fault
they text or call you very, very often
they tell you they would die without you or they might kill themself if you break up with them
they don't respect your boundaries, and when you try to set them, they make fun of you for it
they want to get close to you way too quickly
they act angry or jealous about you being with other friends
they roll their eyes, and they try to act like you're overreacting
they're mean when arguing
they name-call you, or they blame you
they might use substances
they're not kind to other people, like their parents, adults, or friends
they have rapid-cycling unexplained mood changes
they're secretive
they make a lot of excuses
they make you feel stupid or guilty
they let you pay for everything
they seek a lot of attention
they need constant reassurance that they're important to you
they hardly ever apologize
they gaslight you

Gaslighting

(Gaslighting is another buzzword that is all around the internet. Sometimes it's misunderstood. Gaslighting means that someone is making fun of you when you set a limit with them, or when you're complaining about something they did. They make you think that it's you or they make you think that you're overreacting or crazy or they might make fun of you for setting those limits. This is a tactic to get you to stop setting limits, stop blaming them, or accusing them of doing something. They want you to stop looking at them as the problem and start looking at yourself as the problem. They use it as a distraction from what they're doing. If you don't know, the term "gaslight" comes from a movie of the same name. In the movie, an abusive husband gives his wife drugs that make her think that she is crazy. He's also turning the lights on and off to make her think she is hallucinating. In the past, lights were often powered by gas instead electricity, thus "gaslights.”)

If any of these red flags sound familiar, or you doubt yourself at all, get an opinion from somebody else that you trust. Tell them everything that is going on and see what they say about it. The person who has power over you typically tries to isolate you because those connections tend to open your eyes. Good thing the controlling person can't control everyone! Find someone who cares about you and tell them everything that is happening.

3. Handle it

The third step in the framework is handling it. If you do step one, observing, and step two, keeping your ruby slippers on, you will enter relationships. Therefore, there is a risk that people will hurt you. (That's the risk we take when we enter any relationship.) Building trust in yourself means knowing you can handle it if something happens. I've given you the tools to prevent many bad things from happening, but there still will be some. People are limited. Even when they don't mean to hurt you, and sometimes when they don't even know that they hurt you, they hurt you. It's important to know that you can handle it if that happens. Knowing you can handle it will help you take risks in relationships. You are minimizing the risks with the skills, but there still are some risks. Trust you can handle whatever happens. I know it was painful when someone hurt you, but you recovered. You can recover again, especially when you know you can handle it if something happens. That will keep your anxiety at bay. It'll help you take risks by being in relationships. They are worth it.

Developing your intuition

Next, I want to give you my four best tips for developing your intuition. This will help you in many other areas, especially in relationships. Your intuition is your inner guidance system. You have so much wisdom inside of you that you could tap into. Humans are incredibly intuitive. You know things that you don't know why we know. Part of that is from your intelligence: things that you've known about from the past and maybe don't remember, but you still have that intelligence there. Part of it is from your emotions because you feel things that you don't know how you feel because you're sensitive. And lastly, part of it is from your spirit. It's your higher wisdom or the energy field around you. You also might tap into your ancestors, or if you're a spiritual person and you believe in a higher power, you tap into that relationship with that higher power.

The problem is that the voices of anxiety and self-doubt get in the way of your inner wise voice. To overcome that, I'm giving you four basic tips to open up those channels and develop your intuition.

1. Get out of the Monkey Mind

(You knew that was going to be something about the monkey mind?) The monkey tries to pretend it's your wise voice––you're protecting voice––but it is not. It'll keep you arguing with yourself, defending, and criticizing yourself. as long as you let it. The monkey mind wants to figure things out, but that's a guise! It wants to keep questioning and arguing!

2. Close Circles

We all have tons of circles in our minds. An open circle is a task that you have started or something that you desire to do. Undone, it sits there like an open tab on your computer, taking up space and cluttering up your mind. To close the circle, you either have to do the task or decide not to do it. When you close circles, you are clearing your mind clutter. You'll feel so much lighter and happier without millions of open circles in your mind.

3. Give yourself some space

When you're asking yourself a question, take a moment to center yourself. Imagine your feet rooting into the ground, and your body feeling calm and held. Sometimes I place my hand on my stomach and follow at least one breath going in and out very slowly. Only then do I ask my intuition a question. And I wait and listen. Alternately, when you rush things, you are in a position of desperation. From there, your anxiety will answer your question, not your intuition.

4. Practice with something benign

Start practicing your intuition with easy questions like, "What do I want to eat right now?" or "Which sweatshirt should I wear today?" It's helpful to start small and build that trust in yourself. Get used to pausing throughout your day to ask your intuition mundane questions. Then notice the results when you do what it says. This invites you to be in that witnessing state again (that I talked about in the last episode). You're watching yourself ask yourself questions and track the results of those answers. When you develop your intuition, you activate that deeper trust and confidence. If you want to know more, I have a Develop Your Intuition course for teenagers that you'll find in the blog post that goes along with this episode. That link is in the show notes.

I am so glad that you spent this time with me today listening to this podcast, "Anxiety… I'm So Done with You!" with me, Dr. Jodi. In this episode,

we discussed trust issues
I told you how to develop a deeper trust in yourself,
how to keep on your ruby slippers, and
what red flags to look for in relationships, and then,
I gave you my best tips on developing your intuition

Remember, anxiety is invisible. There are so many people in your life struggling that you may not even know about. Sharing my podcasts or videos with your friends could save lives. It would also greatly help if you left me a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. Next, we dive into Chapter 3, Section 3, Activate Motivation. Read or listen to that, and I'll see you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

3:1 Activate Your Power

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 6 May 2023 05:00:00 +0000

This episode follows Chapter 3, Section 1: "Activate Your Power" of Anxiety... I'm So Done with You! But first, how are you doing? Are you ready for Chapter 3? Chapter 3 goes along with Step 3 in the five steps to curing anxiety. This step is about cultivating your control. You’ll learn how you DO have control, and you’ve always had control by being re-introduced to your personal agency. In this episode, you’ll learn

Three steps to take when things go wrong, and
The key to activating the power and control you have

Humans are built for action. Action is vital to well-being, but it's not about workaholism or needing to be productive to know you are worthy, but about goals towards things you desire, like, closeness in relationships, meeting goals, joy, and pleasure…all things that anxiety likes to take from you.

There are three steps I encourage you to take when you experience difficulty. Step one: have compassion. Step two: take a mental step back. Step three: decide what to do. Do they seem hard to envision? Don't worry; that's what this episode is about. I'll define and discuss each one. And then, you'll learn to respond from a place of power.

"We should have been taught self-compassion in middle school because it would save us so much negative self-judgment and the suffering that comes with that negative self-judgment that we do. Maybe you are in middle school and listening to this. I hope so. I'm so glad for you because practicing and knowing how to deliver self-compassion to yourself will save you so much." - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

ASK DR. JODI

Remember, you can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcription:

Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is Season 3 of "Anxiety… I'm so Done with You!" This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. If you're new here, grab a copy of my book "Anxiety… I'm so Done with You!" because this series goes section by section through the book, going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. Season 3, which goes along with Chapter 3, is expanding hope by looking at your skills and abilities.

Welcome, all of you to Chapter 3! This episode will be about Section 1, _Activate Your Powe_r. During our time here today, I'll

check-in with how you're doing
introduce to you Chapter 3
define what I mean by "activate"
discuss personal agency
review self-compassion
share with you the three steps that you should take when anything goes wrong

Overall, I'll teach you how to activate the power and control that you do have.

But before we get into the nitty-gritty of all these things, how are you doing? I'm so glad you're sticking with me in this process because it will be worth it. Think about how much anxiety you had when you started this journey. Imagine that as 100%. Think about what percent it is now. What percent of the anxiety is left?

If you are merely just now starting to feel a bit better, it's okay. We're not going to leave you here. You will keep going through this process until you feel better all the way. It's even okay if your anxiety backslides and it terrorizes you again one night or one day. That doesn't mean you're regressing. That was just the perfect storm context of that moment. Or it was an intense experience that you had. How you make meaning around that experience will help you get back on track with your recovery or have you feeling horrible for a while. If you have an episode of bad anxiety again now, you know what to do. First, you look for a reason. And I only say that now because you know you must keep it simple. It might be because you're tired, hungry, or fighting off a virus. Or, perhaps, there's an old trigger that came up or an old familiar feeling that maybe you're getting anxious, and that was the trigger. Allow that straightforward reason to satisfy your curiosity about why this is happening. It is usually that simple.

And then, second, say, "Okay, that's just the adrenaline. I get why it went off because of this (whatever you figured out). Thanks, amygdala! If I needed you, that would be great, but I don't need you right now. I am safe."

And then, third, take action that will engage your mind-space until the anxiety disappears.

This is what you don't want to do when you have intense anxiety again. Don't say, "Oh no! It's here again! I hate this feeling! I hate it! Oh no! Oh no! I can't do this! I hate it!" because that feeds the anxiety! Instead, I wish you would celebrate your wins. If the anxiety is down 20% or 30%, think about if you would have imagined it being down that much a month ago! You might have been happy with 5%, then!

Listen, if it's 80% better and you are upset about the last 20% because you don't want ANY OF IT to be around, that lamenting is keeping that 20%. With myself and my clients, I found that celebrating that 80% had more impact on it continuing to go down. However, when you lament the 20%, it makes it worse. You see, when you're still upset about that 20%, you're bothered by the anxiety. That feeds it. I know you don't want any anxiety at all. I promise I will get you there. However, if you say, "I can do this! It's down 80%, which feels so much better! I am amazing for getting it down 80%! I could handle this anxiety even if it stayed at 20%! I don't have to be afraid of it because I can handle it." If you do that, the anxiety has no power over you and goes down even more.

Enter Chapter 3. Welcome! Welcome to Chapter 3. You might have had other people or therapists help you with anxiety, and they might have given you coping skills to decrease anxiety when it comes. I've already told you this, but my method is different. I help you reduce anxiety's power in the first place. In Chapter 1, we exposed anxiety by learning where it comes from. In Chapter 2, we deconstructed it further by calling out its tricks and tactics, AKA learning the lies that it tells.

And now, in Chapter 3, we are getting to your skills and knowledges. I already know that you have skills. I know because you were not born yesterday. You couldn't have gotten to the age you are if you had no life skills, coping skills, adapting, or survival skills. Even if you've never gone through anything hard in your life, which I highly doubt, you would have needed some skills. So, there, you have them. Plus, you have those innate abilities from your brain, having evolved for millions of years. Therefore, the idea of me thinking that I could teach you coping skills is ridiculous! You already have excellent skills.

However, anxiety has gotten in the way of you seeing them, and so has blocked your access to them. Now that we've taken anxiety down a few notches, I can reintroduce you to your skills which will open access to them again. And as you use them, they'll develop, leading you to have more and more skills in your personal toolbox.

Chapter 3 goes along with step 3 in the five steps to curing anxiety. You have heard me refer to step 3 as "Cultivate your control." Cultivate means to acquire or develop. You have always had control, but we are acquiring or re-acquiring your sense of control. We are getting the knowledge that you have control back online. For the section headings of Chapter 3, I use the word "activate," which I like because it illustrates the concept of cultivating and also it takes it a step further into action. Action is so essential to emotional well-being. It is the opposite of stagnation which decompensates people really fast.

There's a quotation that I like that illustrates this: "A ship in the harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are for." I originally heard this quotation like this: "A ship in the harbor is safe, but if it stays too long, the bottom rots out." Humans are built for action. This doesn't mean "be a workaholic" or "you're only worthy if you're productive." Those are maladaptive discourses from Western culture. Action can be about productivity and being goal-oriented toward the things that you deeply desire. It could be about closeness and intimacy in relationships. It can be about making the world a better place, and also it can be about pleasure, joy, relaxation, and fun!

What we're talking about today––and really this whole book––comes from a Western cultural perspective. I'm not promoting or defending Western culture because most of it sucks from a social, emotional, and mental standpoint. It's just that many of the contexts and problems I speak about come from this culture and its history. Plus, I have this Western cultural perspective because I grew up here, and I've seen the first-hand devastating effects of this individualism on people and families. Colonization is a trauma for the colonized and the colonizers. If you're curious about this, I put some resources in the blog post that goes with this episode, including Nikki Sanchez's TEDx talk called, "Decolonization is for Everyone."

Also, discrimination causes mental health problems for the discriminators and the discriminated. While the trauma experience is, of course, worse for people with marginalized identities. For the people with privileged identities, that grabbing and inability to maintain pseudo-power messes with the mind. Therefore, working towards an anti-oppressive society is better for everybody. If you haven't heard the term marginalized identities, these are people and peoples who've been structurally and individually discriminated against, like Indigenous people, Black and Brown bodies, people with disabilities, women, and people who identify asLGBTQ+. Western culture does have some good things, though. The freedom of Western society is good. Even though it's often socially and structurally withheld from some people and can be weaponized, we generally have freedom of our actions. This is called _personal agenc_y, which is the power to respond to how we want to react to the world.

As I mentioned, our freedom is not perfect, and we have some work to do. But we have freedom compared to 70% of the world's population in 2022, who still live under an authoritarian government. Compared to that, we have freedom. Chapter 3 tells you how to harness, cultivate, and activate it. In Section 1, the section that you read for this episode, we discuss activating your power, and I introduce you to your personal agency. That means you're an agent of your life, just like a music agent gets the band gigs and ensures they have everything they need. You're an agent of yourself:

opening doors,
building relationships,
honing skills,
making meaning,
clearing negative energy, and
fulfilling your needs.

Things happen to you that are out of your control, and of course, they affect you deeply, but after they happen, you get to decide how to think about it, how to think about yourself, what it means, and how to act going forward. These things are 100% in your control. And they make or break your life. They affect your recovery, relationships, opportunities, mood, and view of yourself much more than what happened to you. Depending on how you respond, you can blow up and increase your suffering or process and heal yourself. You deserve to heal yourself.

In this section's "What's in your hand?" activity, I share my three steps to take when you experience difficulty. I recommend these three steps no matter what is happening. And I want you to take these three steps in this exact order. (Which is more meaningful since I'm so not a linear person––I can never even follow a recipe without making adjustments!) But, as you'll see, the sequence has a lot of flexibility, even though I'm rigid about the order.

Step 1: Have compassion for yourself

Step 2: Take a mental step back

Step 3: Decide what to do

Let's go through that first, self-compassion. Self-compassion and compassion for others are how we heal. Remember, all hurt is from people being invalidated or devalued. All pain, frustration, fear, and hurt are from something precious to you being lost or threatened. That emotional pain signifies the devaluing of that thing that you hold precious. Sometimes that thing could be you, sometimes it's another person, an object, or a concept, such as respect or innocence, or it also could be an opportunity. You get what I mean. It's something that is precious to you.

When you understand hurt as a devaluing of that, then you can understand the importance of compassion. Compassion is a revaluing of what is precious. Even in understanding and recognizing the value, you're revaluing it. When you say, "I get it. I get why I feel that way," it is a recognition of the importance of what is precious.

For example, "I understand why that loss hurt me. It makes sense that relationship was really important to me, and that person was special to me."

That's all that you have to do. That's all compassion is. It's an acceptance or validation of your feelings. We should be taught self-compassion in middle school because it would save us so much negative self-judgment and the suffering that comes with it. (Maybe you are in middle school now and listening to this! I hope so! I'm happy for you because practicing and knowing how to deliver self-compassion will save you so many yucky times!)

This is how you do it: No matter what you feel, say, "I get it. I get why I feel this way." Give care to your feelings. There's a gesture that I taught myself when I was going through a tough time: I kiss my hand on my forefinger, and then I touch my heart with it. I kept thinking of hurt feelings once, even though I wanted to stop thinking of them. I just kept thinking about them. Instead of berating myself for thinking about them, I decided to kiss my hand, touch my heart, and say, "I get it. I understand why that hurt."

Did you ever have a conflict or a fight with someone and then replay it repeatedly in your mind? And then, you try to let it go, but it comes back? And then, you worry, "Oh, I can't believe it came back! I thought I had let it go! What is going on?" That worry makes you more upset, and that upset-ness is attaching you to the negative feelings because you're invalidating them. You were already invalidated by what hurt you, and now you're invalidating your feelings about it. It provokes part of you to keep defending those feelings. That defense keeps them there. They keep you fighting with yourself.

But if you, instead, had self-compassion, saying to yourself, "I get it. I get why it hurts me. That makes sense. It came back. I knew you'd come back. Just have a seat." Remember that? It coming back is just what the human mind does. If you want to let something go, and then it comes back, throw some compassion at it. This doesn't mean that you stay with compassion for a while. You don't think, "Oh, I will give myself compassion...Just a lot of compassion...I'll give it compassion!" That attaches to it too. Rather, you want to "throw" compassion at it. Just kiss your hand, touch your heart, and be like, "I get it. I get why I feel this way." Then move on.

Give yourself some validation so you don't attach to it, and then do Step 2: Take a mental step back. This is also called zooming out or being above the battlefield. It's looking at a situation from a big-picture view or outside the chaos of it. This is too hard to do when you're still invalidated. But once you have compassion for yourself, you can zoom out. You might still feel bad, but the compassion will settle you enough to be able to zoom out. From this zoomed-out perspective, you get a new understanding of yourself. You get a sense of the context and also of all of the other players. You get perspective on why they are doing what they're doing, or why they did what they did. Your understanding of those things helps you take it less personally.

Do you know how sometimes you get hurt and you go to a friend and tell them about it, and with good intentions, they say, "Oh, you can't take that personally!" but you just wanted them to listen and understand? When you think about it, their advice is not bad advice. It's just the timing of it makes it feel critical. It feels like you're handling it wrong or shouldn't feel bad about it. Not taking it personally is good advice, but it's too early. The validation has to come first so you can detach. You can get that validation from others or yourself. I recommend both because humans are social beings. When there's no one else around, self-compassion works magic.

According to the psychiatrist and author Russell Meares, the ability to zoom out is an advanced stage of mature consciousness and memory. It immediately regulates your neurobiology, decreasing any intense emotions. I also call this a witnessing state. In therapy, I use questioning to help invite people to this witnessing state. It keeps people from panicking (emotional dysregulation) when they're with me. Luckily, there's no risk to practicing it, so practice away! From that distant position, you can discern, understand, and then, in Step 3, decide what you want to do next.

From this distant perspective, or above the battlefield, you are in a power role instead of a victim one. You're not reacting to what happened. Instead, you're responding from a rooted conscious place. As you can imagine, this will give you the best outcomes, not only for the situation but for what you carry forward from the situation. What do you think? Try it with something minor that's going on in your life. Feel into it, and see how it changes your perspective and feelings. Reflect: What would it do to your emotions to have compassion for yourself? And take a step back? How do you imagine it would affect your view of yourself? How do you think it would affect your anxiety and depression?

Thank you so much for listening to this episode of "Anxiety… I'm so Done with You!" with me, Dr. Jodi. In this episode, I:

introduced you to chapter three,
talked about personal agency, self-compassion, taking a mental step back, and responding from rooted consciousness.

I appreciate you for all the shares, likes, and comments. All of your interactions grow the influence that I can make with this series. So, I thank you. Also, remember to also leave me a five-star review on Apple Podcasts, and come hang out with me on TikTok at Dr. Jodi. In the next episode, we will discuss Chapter 3, Section 2, Activate Trust. Go ahead and listen, and I'll meet you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

2:8 More Julia, Less Anxiety: Talking with Julia Leahy from @morepestoplease on TikTok

jodi@jodiaman.com (Julia Leahy) — Fri, 5 May 2023 14:12:54 +0000

This BONUS episode is an interview of Julia Leahy from @morepestorplease on Tiktok. Julia, who has over 1 million people following her hysterical antidotal videos as she observes life, gets candid about her own experience as a Gen Z-er and speaks about the anxiety and turmoil of her peers after the COVID pandemic. Follow Julia on TikTok @morepestoplease. (Julia stays clean in this episode, but her videos contain adult subjects and language, so they are not for my young audience members!) Also, check out her new podcast, The Pesto Pod!

Julia is a film and TV major in NYC. During the pandemic, she found a voice on TikTok to keep in touch with her friends. Her raw and honed talent as a writer and performer attracted flocks of people to follow along on her adventures, growing the channel to over 1 million followers.

"I think my generation is struggling so much with the aftermath of COVID. And, the problem is, there's no precedent of how to recover. We can't look to anyone for guidance because this has never happened." Julia Leahy

Resources discussed in this episode:

Remember, you can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcription

Jodi: Hey, you're here with Doctor Jodi, and this is Season 2 of "Anxiety... I'm So Done with You!" This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. If you're new, here grab a copy of my book Anxiety... I'm So Done with You!" because this series follows it section by section, going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. Season 2, which accompanies Chapter 2, details the lies that anxiety, depression, and negative thinking tell you to get you to believe in them. Once you know what they are, you can see them coming a mile away and call them out. That way, they can no longer sucker-punch you with their toxicity. I appreciate your listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple podcasts. If I've helped you, kindly spread the word about this book and podcast series. Mental health problems are invisible, so you never know who is struggling around you. Your sharing can make a huge difference in their lives!

Hey it's Dr. Jodi here! Welcome to this episode! I have an exceptional guest, Julia Leahy, of @morepestoplease on TikTok, here to talk to me and represent your generation. Welcome Julia!

Julia: Hello, thanks for having me.

Jodi: I'm so excited to have you because I've been watching your TikTok channel, More Pesto Please, grow in the last two years. And from my position as an outsider, I see some significant things you're doing. I brought you on because I am interested in your take on what's happening with people your age. I'm curious about your thoughts.

Julia: Yeah, I don't know if I'm the best voice for people my age, but I try my best to make people laugh online, so…

Jodi: If you think about it, throughout human history, being entertained, laughing, and having distraction has gotten humans through so many things.

Julia: Oh yeah, humor to me is like the entire basis of my whole personality. It's just how I walk into a room and carry myself. It's my go-to way of relating to other humans.

Jodi: It's relatable.

Julia: Yeah, it's relatable.

Jodi: When you tell a story, and it's funny, we all watch you, experiencing it as if it is happening to us. We can imagine what you're feeling. That's a natural gift to express yourself and tell stories that way. You're really a storyteller.

Julia: Thank you. You know that I'm a theater kid first and foremost, so this is my way of performing. Storytelling is a good way to put it. I don't know; I've kind of stumbled on it. And now, I love it.

Jodi: I noticed your vocabulary makes your videos hysterical. You're a great writer as well, and I think that's what makes the videos so brilliant.

Julia: Thank you for saying that because I would love to be a writer. I'm a film and TV major right now. I would love to go into comedy writing. I'm making these videos like, "Oh, maybe someone will pick up on the fact that I can write!" That would be great. If I were a business major, I'd worry about leaving this digital footprint, but considering this is what I want to do, I've decided to run with it.

Jodi: Absolutely! This is one of the best things you could do, considering what you want to do in your life. You have to show them that you can write, tell a story, have a story arc, carry through, and be consistent. Oh, it's saying all the things. I know the drill because I have two kids in film and media. If I could go back to school, I would have studied film. It wasn't a major one when I was young.

Julia: It was "communications/media studies."

Jodi: I'm a social worker and love what I do, so I'm okay. Anyway, there's a lot of storytelling in my work. And, of course, listening to stories. People are inherently storytellers. We relate to things, learn, remember things, and more through stories. Stories are very important. Let me ask you some questions to get to know you a little bit: What is your impression of your generation?

Julia: There are some really awesome things about my generation. We're more accepting than we've ever been. Also, we're challenging of what is like set in place, which I think is good. We like to challenge the systems that we have been living by. And, we challenge authority, too, a little bit, which I think can be good. That's not to say we are not very flawed.

It's been said and said––it's, like, getting old––but covid really changed everything. It changed how we talk to each other, how we relate, and technology, like how we communicate. It changed everything. I had a completely different personality before COVID. I think my generation is struggling so much with the aftermath of COVID. And, the problem is, there's no precedent of how to recover. We can't look to anyone for guidance because this has never happened.

Jodi: How do you see yourself changed? When you say you "changed completely," give us an example of what you mean.

Julia: I don't even know. I look at pictures of myself, and I barely recognize myself. My appearance changed so much. The way I process things. My relationship with my friends and family changed so much. I'm closer to them. They're more important now. I think, in some ways, it has changed me for the better. I am a lot closer to my family––I get more homesick now. Getting forced back to go home for a year, and then that being my normal for a little bit. I don't know. It changed so much. And it destroyed so much, too. There are so many people that are my age and younger, and that can't talk to each other. It's really tough, and it's hard to articulate because we don't have any way of articulating it. And we don't have the guidance to do that.

Jodi: For sure, I see a lot of young people struggling. That's why I'm doing this podcast. There are so many people suffering. I'd like to give them a spark of hope back––to show them how to feel better. I'm curious about your story. You experienced the COVID pandemic, and then you had the popularity of your TikTok channel, which affects people completely, and then you're also at this sensitive age in your life for as well.

Julia: Oh yeah.

Jodi: So I don't even know how you decide which of those three has really impacted you the most.

Julia: Being in college is such a crazy time in general. You're leaving home and becoming a human being and independent. Yeah, for something that extreme to happen in that very key time in my life and my peers' lives is like, I can't even… I know I'm not doing it justice, but I can't begin to describe the effects it has had.

Jodi: It hasn't like integrated yet, so you don't even know how to tell that story. Do you think you would have started TikTok?

Julia: I don't know. I started over lockdown, and it was a way of me keeping in touch with my friends that I was ripped away from. So I don't know. I'm probably gonna guess no.

Jodi: Tell me what you see happening with your peers.

Julia: I'm pretty fortunate with my year the way it fell, but the year below me had, hands down, the hardest time. I at least had a normal freshman year and was sent down sent home in March of my freshman year of college. So I was able to integrate into college normally and make friends for at least three-quarters of a school year before it all got shut down. But for the year below me? They didn't have a normal senior graduation. I look back on my senior year in high school: I loved it. I would have been devastated if I lost that. You know, I'm in theater. If I couldn't do my last show, oh my God, I can't even describe how that would have like mentally ravaged me. Then, they started college, and they couldn't leave their dorms. They had to eat in pods so they didn't have too much contact with other people. You couldn't make friends. So many of my friends that are in the grade below me transferred, dropped out, or went home because it was impossible. I would have done the exact same thing. I was lucky with the way I fell because at least I had a small group of friends established. The year below me and the years after that––not having a normal high school experience and then coming into college with everything so different.

Jodi: You probably noticed some people are doing okay, and some are struggling. What do you think makes the difference? Luck? Skills? Context? The way they think?

Julia: Honestly, I don't think it has a pattern. I know people that I went to high school with who were extroverts, had a plan, and whatever. Then COVID happened, and they're like totally not where they would have thought they'd be. So, I don't think there's a pattern how it affects. But, if this like frames it in any way, I remember the fall of 2020, I was meeting with a new therapist, and it was so hard to find a new therapist because everyone was booked up. Everyone's going to therapy because everyone's going nuts. I have like four really close friends that I live with, and we all go to therapy. Everyone struggled. No one like got away completely unscathed.

Jodi: Yeah. On my podcast, I have shared how our dopamine was affected. When we experience something good, dopamine is released, and we're like, "We like that," and we do it again, and our dopamine hits, and we're like, "We like that," we do it again. But for a while, when we were in lockdown, it wasn't hitting. After a while of it not releasing, people stop caring about doing anything pleasurable. That disinterest can be hard to push through to be active again. That's why I'm interested in sharing your journey. I noticed that some people consuming content online have different experiences from those who are creating content. Creating content (creativity) charges up the mind and makes us feel a little bit more empowered emotionally. During the lockdowns, you may have noticed that some people were intuitively creating because their minds needed to do something: for example, they were trying new recipes or building an obstacle course in their backyard. Then, some people sat passively, scrolling and consuming. I noticed they felt worse. It made a difference. Did that make a difference in you (creating content)?

Julia: No, I don't think I'm like a black-and-white case. I was finding this new platform, making videos, and gaining some attention, so that was really cool. And I do think that helped me a little bit, but then at the same time, when I think of those few months right after we got sent home. That was the hardest time of my life. Ever. Yeah, hands down. I was seriously struggling with body image issues and disordered eating. I was unmotivated and felt defeated. It was just a terrible, terrible time, though, I was creating. (I'm doing so much better now.) I was creating stuff and finding this new voice, and yeah, I do think that helped me. But, I think everyone, even the creators, wasn't unaffected.

Jodi: Of course, not unaffected. But you had this platform, your therapist, and I don't know what else. I'm sure you had more tools. Maybe we could talk about what helped you get out of that dark place.

Julia: Yeah, I did. My parents were great. My mom said, "We gotta get, we gotta get, we gotta walk around the block. We gotta do something." We were like literally just sitting in our house; she's like, "We gotta do something." So, we made it work.

Jodi: It took a lot of bandwidth. Yeah. Dealing with your clients, yourself, and your kids. Julia and I know each other. We're from the same town, and I was the mom in the theater where Julia performed. So, you know that I have kids too around your age, so I get it.

Julia: I'm sure there were tears shed.

Jodi: We were like, "Come on, let's get out," too.

Julia: Yeah, I have an older sister, but she doesn't live with my parents. She lives in DC. She's much older, and she did come home for a little bit when COVID hit. For a while, she was still working in DC, and it was just me and my parents. I was like, "Please, I just need somebody my age to speak to." I'm an extroverted person too. It was such a weird social time for me. It was terrible. It was really, really terrible.

Jodi: How did humor play into it? Your mom took you on walks, and she knew the struggles you were going through.

Julia: Yeah, yeah. She's great.

Jodi: What role did humor play, not only in creating content or bringing humor to other people but did you use it for yourself too?

Julia: You gotta laugh. That's the only way you're gonna like make it through anything. That's how I deal with literally anything––by making a new joke, by laughing about it. I sometimes think back to when we were completely in lockdown. It was just me and my parents. We probably laughed at some dumb stuff. We were just trying to make it one day at a time. We used humor all the time and still use it for everything.

Jodi: Are your parents funny too?

Julia: Oh my God, my parents are hilarious. I get a lot of my humor from my dad, for sure. Yeah, I gotta get him to make a TikTok. I think that would break the internet.

Jodi: You were talking about creating content, and it's good you had this new platform. Did it also make your self-judgment go up? Were you thinking, "Everyone's looking; I got to do my best."? Were there positive and negative comments on your videos? How did that play into everything you went through?

Julia: I've had a really fortunate experience on TikTok. I know the internet can be a terrible place, but I have received overwhelmingly more positive comments than negative ones. I very rarely get negative comments and almost never comment on my appearance, which I think is what would damage me the most. Occasionally, I get, "Oh wow! A woman that is funny!" which I'm like, "Okay." And I get the occasional "She's annoying!" comments. But overall, I get pretty positive feedback. The audience that I have is very kind, so I've been very fortunate in that regard. The negativity is not something I experience to a huge extent.

Jodi: Are you prepped for it? (Because as you get bigger and bigger, it does happen to people,)

Julia: Yeah, and I also know that I'm a chatterbox, loudmouth who's gonna say something one of these days that people aren't gonna like. So I'm prepped for that. But I also know those negative voices are few and far between, so I can step back and be like, "Okay, but look at all these people that had something nice to say."

Jodi: Yeah, and then, not give them power…

Julia: Yeah, I try.

Jodi: I mean, it's not okay that people are mean, and it hurts your soft human self, but also, on some level, you can be unavailable for taking their comments in, if you know what I mean.

Julia: I don't. I personally don't think I give like negative comments a whole lot of power. I try to just brush by them. Once in a while, I'm like, "Now why would they say that?" I have gotten a couple of comments lately that my nose is crooked, to which I'm like, "Okay, like what am I supposed to do about that?" For those, I'm like, "Alright, I'll turn this into something funny later." I don't know; I try not to let it get to me.

Jodi: That's really great. People can be so unkind. Their own misery overflows onto whatever they can hit around them. When you're behind a screen, a lot more goes.

Julia: I am very fortunate. I receive mainly positive comments.

Jodi: Great. I'm so glad. It's you who've cultivated it, and you have attracted the people who are nice and looking for humor and looking for someone real to relate to.

Julia: I've been told by my friends that the way that I talk online is exactly how I talk in real life. Obviously, not this second. I'm a little more professional at the moment, but I've been told by people in real life that I act the same, which I really love because I'm trying to be authentic. I'm trying not to be like, "Oh I met her in real life, and she's so rude!" I would never want that. I want to be as much myself as I can. I think there's a degree of masking in every situation, but I'm hoping that I'm pretty true to the persona that I portray online.

Jodi: I think you're the same as when I knew you. You've always been this funny.

Julia: Thank you. I'm glad you say that because I hope I would hope that that's the case.

Jodi: I saw Julia on some shows, and even just facial expressions were hysterical. There were expressions that you brought to characters; I mean, you just brought yourself, your sense of humor there. We still talk about some scenes you were in, like when you were the police officer with the mustache.

Julia: Oh, you saw that one. That was four years ago today! It just popped up in my Snapchat memories.

Jodi: It's the facial expression that does everything. Really good. You'll be very successful. Okay, let me look at my list of questions and see what else I want to ask you. What are the self-care habits that you use to keep yourself feeling good?

Julia: I would like to make a disclaimer that self-care is not my strongest suit because I again struggled a lot with my eating habits. If you asked me a couple of years ago what my self-care happens were, I'd be like, "Sitting down with a pint of ice cream," but now I'm trying not to do that.

Jodi: I'm thinking of that cheese and crackers video that you did…

Julia: I love cheese and crackers. That's a great comfort. That's my self-care: cheese and crackers. No, um, I think in the last year or so, my self-care is getting outside. Not to say that's something that I do often and well, but I always feel better after. There are days here in New York when I sometimes don't leave my apartment if I don't have class or something. It's hard to leave my cozy apartment, especially with this weather! So I'm like, "Let me just go to the Post Office." "Let me just walk." "Let me pick up lunch today." "Let me just get dressed and leave the house." which is the bare minimum. I don't know; you just have to move. Just move to shift the energy a little bit. Again, I am not the best at it. There are days when I do not go outside, or I go outside in my pajamas, and I'm walking to the bagel store on the corner, but I always feel better the days when I am able to make myself do something.

Jodi: Great advice! And then, you sing too?

Julia: I do an a cappella group at college.

Jodi: Does singing help? Like, does it opens your heart? For example, how does it affect you if you were sad and then you went to rehearsal or something?

Julia: Normally, I would say yes; however, this year, I have become the president of my group and have discovered that I'm not great in a leadership role; I'm not a natural-born leader, so sometimes the singing gets a little stressful because I'm in charge of it all. But obviously, I still love it. It feels like a release, like, it's cathartic. I love the girls that I sing with. Prior to being the leader, I could just sing, but now I'm like, "Oh man, I gotta make a calendar. I gotta schedule all this out." It's hard. I'm not the best organizer. I get a lot of help from the girls in my group. They're great. I'm like, "Can someone do this for me, please, because I can't figure it out?" So, they're great. My a cappella group has completely transformed my college experience because singing is a hobby that I've done since I was a kid. It's something that I love, and so yeah, definitely, definitely self-care to be with those girls.

Jodi: Is it a nice community?

Julia: Oh, so great. It's the best group of people. I've been part of the group for four years, and we are very small and tight-knit. Then we also try to hang out almost every day. We're like, "Who's going to the dining hall at this time?" It's such a sense of community.

Jodi: That makes a huge difference. That's what people lacked during the lockdown.

Julia: Absolutely. I think back to after COVID, and when I did come back to school, I hated it. I dreaded it because we did it online. You can't sing with a group online. You can't do it. It was so frustrating because we were trying to make something happen, and it just wasn't happening. It wasn't giving me that fulfilling love that I wanted. So that was a struggle.

Jodi: What about like masked shows?

Julia: Yeah, terrible, just what you think they are. Terrible. Really rough. Really rough. I also beatbox in my group sometimes. So beatboxing into a mask? There's a lot of spit! Terrible. Had to put my hands under it, like pull it up and then just like take a breath and go back, horrible.

Jodi: Let's talk social media for a second. How do you think it's affecting Generation Z?

Julia: Oh man… I'm in a class right now called Social Media, where we discussed this for the last three weeks. It's tough because you choose how you present, which can lead to many identity issues and insincerity. Yeah, I don't know; it's a double-edged sword. I obviously can't say too much bad about it because it's been great for me. It's helped me find the path where I want to make my career out of, kind of thing, so there are so many positives for me. But I know it's not the case for everybody. I know that it can be a struggle for people. One of my best friends has no social media. I don't know how she does it, but I like to think she's happy with her decision. So I don't know. I feel like there's a pendulum swinging. Sometimes there are some people that are protesting and saying, "I'm done!" I know myself really well, and I am not like some people who are obsessed with it. I'm obviously on my phone and social media quite often because it's how I pay my rent. But I think that I do a pretty good job of reaching a point where I put the phone down.

Jodi: How did you come to realize that you have to put your phone down?

Julia: I've always valued face-to-face anything. I like going places. I'm a doer. I like talking to people and being with my friends––not just texting them. So I think I've always been like that. I don't want to sound like a crotchety old adult saying, "Put your phone down, kids!" but it's a struggle knowing what is on the screen vs. what's real. Especially after COVID, when the screen was our only reality. I think it set us back a little bit. But, I'm personally obviously very pro-social media. It has expanded my opportunities. And there's a lot of positive messages. There's a lot of entertainment on there; it offers a community for a lot of people. I see a lot of very accepting content on TikTok. There's obviously terrible stuff, too but there are entire TikTok pages dedicated to certain issues, and they can be a place to find community.

With the TikTok algorithm, the way it gives you videos that you like based on what you've liked and viewed in the past, now I get videos that are my sense of humor specifically. And then, the comments are all people with my sense of humor. The videos are all things I want to see. There's a whole science to how the algorithm works that I don't even understand. I see so much stuff that is so personal to me. I enjoy it because it makes me feel like there are people like me. It can be very connecting.

Jodi: I agree, it could be; it depends on what you're watching. There's just so much out there. You can watch stuff that tears you down or contributes to you not feeling good. And then, there's so much out there that can lift you up and make you feel good. Yes, so much out there that could lift you up, and there's so much out there that could tear you down, but we choose what to watch.

Julia: Yeah, I can't stress how I've been very fortunate that I don't experience a ton of the negative stuff. But there is also a dangerous side to social media, both literally and figuratively.

Jodi: For sure. You mentioned eating problems and difficulties during COVID…

Julia: I've always struggled with the way I looked, but COVID definitely exasperated things. I would be fooling myself if I said that social media didn't play any part in my body image problems. Obviously, the people and the things you see, the content that you consume, is all high beauty standards and stuff. But then also there's another side that I think isn't talked about a ton. I personally call myself mid-size (I'm not quite skinny, I'm not quite plus size), so there's a mid-sized community on TikTok, and they share, "Here's what jeans fit me best." and "Here's where I shop." I really appreciate that because there are people that are wearing things that they look good in, and I wear it, and I look good in them. I feel good. So, there's so much content that is obviously terrible and detrimental to one's body image, but I've personally found stuff that has helped me. I think it's out there. A lot of people from not my generation are so anti-everything, but it's helped me. Recently, I have been getting into more sustainable clothes and sustainable shopping. There's a community for that, and it's massively helping me figure out what to buy and what to wear.

Jodi: I love that. I love social media too because I put a lot of things out there on social media, and then I get back what I put out there as well, or what I'm paying attention to.

Julia: Yeah, I think so.

Jodi: You're after my own heart, too, because I love recycled clothes.

Julia: I've been trying to get better. I'm still not like the best, but I've been trying.

Jodi: I have a recycled top right here…

Julia: Oh! Nice. This is not recycled. It's from Old Navy so.

Jodi: I love Poshmark.

Julia: Yeah, I try to like thrift and whatever.

Jodi: Ooh, you can get Poshmark to sponsor you, maybe.

Julia: Maybe. That'll be great.

Jodi: So you have a new podcast coming out. Tell me why you are going into the podcasting world.

Julia: I have a film internship right now in production. Then, the more I've done it, I'm like, "Oh maybe, I don't only want to be the person producing it; maybe I want to do it all." I've always wanted to do a podcast. People have been wanting me to do a Podcast with comedy and storytelling. So that's the goal: It is coming out sometime this spring. I still have to solidify my schedule a little bit, but yeah, it's just gonna be comedians coming on to join me. We will be talking about hyper-fixations. Every episode will be about a different hyper fixation. Every episode will be a new weird niche topic that the guest, for some reason, knows a ton about. It'll be very goofy, very silly. I hope to get some familiar faces on there. It's called the Pesto Pod.

Jodi: The Pesto Pod! That's very exciting. I listen to comedians on TikTok and podcasts, so it's right up my alley. We need laughter so bad, you know? I hear people's trauma all day long…

Julia: Yeah, you're probably are like, "Please, make me laugh, somebody."

Jodi: Yes. So that's cool, the Pod Podcast. Wait, did I say that right?

Julia; The Pesto Pod.

Jodi: The Pesto Pod! I knew that.

Julia: That's okay.

Jodi: Where did the where did you TikTok name More Pesto Please come from? Did you tell us?

Julia: I love pesto. I love it on everything. And there's a deli on my campus that I would always be like, "Can I get more pesto, please?" because they would be so stingy with pesto, and then my friends made fun of me for it. Thus, "more pesto, please," is something I say quite often.

Jodi: Yeah, it's like, "More Julia Leahy, please!"

Julia: That's the idea.

Jodi: More laughs. More pointing out the ridiculousness of life because we need that to come back [from the emotional trauma we experience]. I might sound like I am saying," Oh, everyone's fine!" No, we are struggling so much, and that's why I'm putting this podcast out, to try to show young people that they can get better and that this is not a life sentence. Yes, COVID affected people deeply–– the collective and personal trauma of going through that time has been really huge, BUT there is a way to recover. It's crucial to understand what happened so that you can navigate your way out instead of like blaming yourself for it. Saying, "I messed up because I'm weak," or something like that, is not helpful. Julia, I really appreciate your candor and frankness about what you've gone through. I didn't know what we'd end up talking about today, but I really appreciate it. I think that it's helpful to people to see that it doesn't matter what you're doing, you're a human living this life, and it's hard.

Julia: I think that despite it being challenging times, it's also like a great time for getting the help that everyone needs. Anxiety and stuff like that have never been more talked about than is now. Help has never been more accessible. It's a good time to be addressing those kinds of things.

Jodi: There are a lot of ways to help yourself. Sometimes it seems like there's not many therapists out there, or no one's taking new clients, but keep looking because there are some. Maybe they're just not on the directories, or they don't have good SEO, but I promise you there are some, so keep asking, and keep searching to find someone available. Thanks, Julia. Anything else you want to share?Any tips or anything else you want to tell us before we sign off today?

Julia: I don't think so. I'm @Morepestoplease on TikTok. Follow me!

Jodi: Yes, go follow Julia on TikTok. You won't regret it: @Morepestoplease. Hear about her daily shenanigans, get some laughs, and get out of your head.

Julia: Yeah, that's what I got.

Jodi: That is what you got, and you're giving it. Look for her new Pesto Pod podcast. I will definitely have links to those in the show notes below.

Thank you so much for listening to this bonus episode at the end of season 2, where I interviewed Julia Leahy from the pesto pod and More Pesto Please on Tiktok. I appreciate your subscribing and commenting. Head on over to the blog post for this episode, where I have more resources for you. As always, that link is in the show notes. Please don't forget to give me a five-star review on Apple Podcasts because that will get this podcast into the ears of more people who need it. You heard Julia speak about her personal experience with the youth mental health crisis. Share this message so that more people can get help!

Coming up next is season three, which goes along with Chapter 3. Next season we are going to put the spotlight on you and your awesomeness. I can't wait to share that with you. Keep reading, and I will see you here.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

2:7 Lie # 7: “You Can’t”

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 18 Mar 2023 04:00:00 +0000

This episode follows Chapter 2, Lie # 7: "You Can't" of Anxiety... I'm So Done with You! One of anxiety's most powerful lies is telling you you can't. Just that you can't. Period. Vagueness is anxiety's superpower. What would happen when you ask, "why not?" in response? In this episode, you'll learn:

that "you can't" is a lie
the effects of imposter syndrome
about wicked competencies and personal authority
How to empower yourself with the Five-Second Rule

When you ask anxiety, "Why not?" you shake the foundation of its power over your life. I'll unpack how to see through the lie of "you can't" and give you a tool for starting something when you feel like you can't. You can. You'll see.

Anxiety wants you to focus on your deficits, what you can't do. But that is a small part of your overall story. You can do many things, but anxiety doesn't want you to see them. You need to override that and start to focus on them with the daily practice I share in this episode.

There's a science behind why we hesitate to do something. I'll explain what happens in your brain when you pause to think you can't do something and show you how to combat that feeling. I connect you with your agency and authority so you can see your abilities, and then they will be more accessible to you.

"When anxiety says you can't, it sounds right. You accept that as a truth without question. I suggest you do question anxiety. When anxiety says "you can't", you need to say, "why not"? When it says "you knew you couldn't before, you believed me," you say, "No, really, why can't I?" Hold its feet to the fire. Its success relies on you taking it at face value and not asking deeper." - Dr. Jodi Aman.

Resources discussed in this episode:

Remember, you can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcript

Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is Season 2 of "Anxiety...I am So Done with You!" This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. If you're new here, grab a copy of my book "Anxiety...I am So Done with You!" because this series follows section by section through the book going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. Season 2, which follows along with Chapter 2, is going through the lies that anxiety, depression, and negative thinking tell you to get you to believe them. Once you know what they are, you can see them coming a mile away and call them out. That way, they can no longer sucker-punch you with their toxicity. I appreciate your listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple Podcasts. If I had helped you spread the word about this book in this podcast series, mental health problems are invisible, so you never know who is struggling around you, and your sharing can make a huge difference in their lives.

Welcome to this episode! We're finishing up Chapter 2 here, talking about Lie #7, "You can't!" This lie is the single most powerful tactic of anxiety. Anxiety says you can't, and we believe it hook, line, and sinker! I'm right there with you, fighting off my own inner critic that tells me that I can't all the time.

Even with this podcast, I try so hard to make these clean, clear, and well-produced, yet I keep making mistakes. I've even had to re-record them all at least once, and some of them I've re-recorded two or three times already. Anxiety picks up on those mistakes and tries to convince me that I can't do this. I have to push past these feelings of not being able to, not being skilled enough, not being able to read aloud well enough because of my dyslexia, thinking that my breathing is way too loud or that my small mouth noises are annoying, etc., etc., etc. It picks up on anything it thinks I'd care about. I have to push past all of that because I know the information that I'm sharing in this podcast can help people. I hope I'm helping you. My desire to help you helps me get out of my own way and do it because that is more important than doing any of this perfectly.

In this episode, we'll

unpack this lie
I'll show you how to prove to yourself that it is untrue
we're going to define imposter syndrome, wicked competencies, and personal authority
we'll review how understanding yourself and your abilities helps you regulate your emotions
finally, I'll detail how to start something when you feel like you can't

Let's get started. Remember, there's not much substance behind anxiety's lies and this one is no different. It just says, "You can't!" Period! It doesn't even have to give a reason because you do the work for it. You think of all the times you didn't do things perfectly in your past. To be honest, some of these memories of your past "mistakes"–– and you can't see it, but I'm doing air quotes around mistakes––most of them have been blown out of proportion by your inner critic. People take these blown-out-of-proportion-mistakes and make negative identity conclusions about themselves. They think, "I'm a mess," "I'm stupid," and "I'm annoying." They use I am—_that's what I mean by negative identity conclusions. It's as if a _mess or stupid or annoying is their very personhood.

Even if you don't mean it like that, that is how your mind and body receive it. These affect us consciously and make us feel bad, but they also affect us unconsciously or implicitly and form inner limiting beliefs about who we are. Those limit what we can do. When anxiety says, "You can't!" it sounds right and we accept that as a truth without question.

Remember Henry Ford's quotation, "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right."

I suggest you question anxiety: When anxiety says you can't, you need to say, "Why not?" When it says, "You knew you couldn't before, you believed me!" You say, "No, really, why can't I?" Hold its feet to the fire. Its success relies on you taking it at face value rather than asking deeper. Vagueness is its superpower! When you ask for details, it crumbles. For example, when you ask anxiety, "Why does the fact that someone I thought was a friend was mean to me three years ago mean that I can't do anything right?"

Or ask, "Anxiety, when you say I can't do anything right, do you mean anything, anything? Like, I can't brush my teeth right? Can't I put socks on right? I can't do any homework right? At all?"

Listen, 95-97% of the things we do in a day we could do. We don't give ourselves credit for them because it doesn't seem like a big deal. We think Everyone could do that. It is integrated, and we take those abilities for granted. But it's not true that everyone could do those things, and given how you feel, it's pretty amazing that you do any of it. It'll make you feel better to remember that.

I've embedded my "I'm a mess" video in the blog post that goes along with this episode to help you unpack that. In reality, only a small percentage of things provide a challenge for us, but when anxiety convinces us to think that it is everything, it feels awful. You know how I emphasize when people struggle emotionally feeling different than other people, it makes them feel worse. This is why I like to normalize emotional struggle––not to minimize people's experiences––but to decrease the heavy impact of their feeling different because that's more damaging.

In an effort to normalize emotional struggle, I'm going to tell you what I was taught by my teacher, Michael White, that has always powerfully stuck with me. People who report that they have mental health difficulties (in that moment) are stalled in five percent of their life. And people who report that they are free from mental health difficulties (in a given moment) are stalled in three percent of their life. That means for everyone, 95-97% of their life is going okay, or at least it's benign.

Benign means it's not harmful. Stalled means something has interrupted forward movement in life. Movement means activity, ability, joy, or contentment. Getting stalled could be from a situation, a traumatic event, an emotion, having low bandwidth, illness, injury, or a negative thought pattern. Stalled comes from a context.

The takeaway from all of this is that there's only a 2% difference. Albeit that 2% makes a massive difference in lived experience. I know, it doesn't feel good to have mental health difficulties, but also, the 2% means that there is not much to transverse to get yourself better. That's the good news.

Okay, why was I telling you all that? Oh! The anxiety wants you to think you a-hundred-percent can't and that you are a-hundred-percent a mess but that is categorically untrue (which is how we know it is lying). Plus, your abilities are not just about your personal adequacies. The first life form on Earth is estimated to have lived 3.7 billion years ago. That means that brains evolved for 3.7 billion years. Even if you want to think of it in humanoid brain years, the earliest known humans were the homo habilis, who lived over 2 million years ago. In those 2 million years, the human brain evolved to adapt, learn, and solve problems.

Humans are the only animals with foresight. Foresight is the ability to predict what will happen in the future. (I'm going to let my nerd flag fly here and lean into it because I find this interesting, and some of you might, too). Helen Fisher is a cultural anthropologist who writes about early humans and gender dynamics, which I find fascinating. Her theory of how foresight was developed is from women tracking their menstrual cycle with the moon and being able to anticipate that pattern. The ability of foresight is impressive. It's a particular problem-solving skill that allows us to anticipate the outcomes and consequences of our actions and have that anticipation inform our choices, which gives us power.

Anyhow, all of this is to say that you have power and abilities that are beyond this lifetime. You might not feel like that, but that's not your fault either there's just not much in our daily lives that remind us of those abilities. Plus, a lot in our daily lives makes us think that we don't have those abilities. Remember from Chapter 1, all those messages you get every day that you're worthless, powerless, and out-of-control? That's real! Anxiety doubles down or triples down on those to keep you doubting your abilities. Even when you do something you're proud of, anxiety tries to sabotage that by berating you for thinking that you are better than you are or something.

It's just nasty. This is often called imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is feelings of self-doubt and personal incompetence that persist despite your education, experience, and accomplishments–– and I want to add, despite your adaptable and problem-solving-evolved-brain! Imposter syndrome has you assuming that you t_hink you could do something that you can't do_, and it shames you for thinking that, so you feel more honorable to think that you can't do it than to think that you can do it. It's so convoluted!

A great way to override imposter syndrome and the anxiety and shame that comes with it is Mel Robbins's five-second rule. Mel Robbins is a self-help author who wrote a book by the same title, Five Second Rule. The basic premise is that if you have to do something, count to five and do it. This circumvents the overthinking that usually gets in people's way of doing things. If you don't want to get out of bed, you count to five and get up. 5-4-3-2-1-go!

I interview people all the time about when they can do something and when they can't. And when they do it, they do it without thinking about it too hard. And when they don't do it, as you can imagine, it is when they start thinking about it, and all these doubts and all these reasons or excuses come up. Think about a time that you were productive. Did you think a lot about what you had to do before you did it? Now think of a time when you couldn't do something. Did you think a lot about that?

When you hesitate, your brain says, "Something's wrong! Find out what is wrong!" Your adrenaline is released, and the monkey looks for a problem. It is never hard for the monkey to find a reason or excuse that you can't do it. It's used to convincing you that you're not able, or whatever it is is "not worth your effort," or because of your inadequacies, you're going to fail anyway. It may even sound logical and rational, but it is BS. You will know whether you can do something or not once you do it. In general, I find that humans are often very surprised about what they can do. They can do a lot more than they think they can.

Next, let's talk about wicked competencies. A wicked problem is a complex problem. It usually refers to a social issue where there's no single solution. The word wicked denotes resistance to resolution rather than evil. Examples of wicked problems include racism, poverty, and global warming. But there are smaller wicked problems, like, how a family can get everyone where they have to be when there's only one car. Wicked competencies are skills that prepare people to solve wicked problems. They are the ability to respond efficiently and on the fly to complex challenges.

Paul Hanstedt wrote a book for educators called Creating Wicked Students, where he tells teachers how to develop a curriculum to improve students' wicked competencies. The benefits of this are that students build confidence in their innate abilities and develop more skills that build on them. They connect with their agency and authority. Personal agency is a person's skills and abilities to respond to the world. Personal authority means a belief in oneself. It's knowing that you can adapt, problem-solve, and figure things out. When you're connected to your agency and authority, anxiety has very little power over you.

In our modernly convenient world, we don't have to make a shelter or find our own food and so we have fewer situations where we can watch ourselves engage in that agency and authority. That's why it's easier for anxiety to convince us that we don't have them. But you do have them. Everyone has agency and authority. In fact, despite modern conveniences, many of you have had to do a lot to ensure your survival because the context of your family was/is such that you are taking care of yourself a lot. While it's not okay that you have to bear that burden, the situation gives you more connection to your authority. You've had to use it to survive.

Unfortunately, any sense of abandonment and worthlessness that may have come with any neglect and abuse you might have experienced can feel like it's canceling it out. However, it doesn't have to. When I work with people who've experienced trauma, I emphasize their skilled agency and authority, and then we use that to rewrite the perception of worthlessness. I agree with Paul Hanstedt. It's so essential to develop wickedly competent young people. This not only helps them feel better, but it also has their eyes focused on solving the wicked problems of the world (which desperately need our attention).

I hope you're starting to notice that, in the series, when you learn more about yourself and what makes you tick, that understanding demystifies our problems in ways that empower you. When you understand the mechanisms of the problem, you stop blaming yourself for causing it. And you know how to fix it! Knowing why anxiety says you can't gives it a different meaning. Instead of, "Yeah, 'I can't,' that makes sense because I always mess up; it's not worth it; what's wrong with me?" You say, "Oh, I get it, anxiety; I knew you'd say that. 5-4-3-2-1-go!" Problems feel different in our bodies after that.

Take a moment right now to feel into this understanding of why anxiety says you can't and how you now know that it is BS…

I'm going to leave you with a study that hugely impacted me. A psychology study from Kobe College in Japan divided 175 college students into two groups. One group did nothing but follow their usual lifestyles for a week, while the other group was given the task of counting their acts of kindness. They weren't asked to try to do things for others; they just had to write down the things they did. Anyway, after a week, the second group reported higher happiness levels. We are doing things all day, every day. We are doing things; we just don't notice what we're doing them. But when (and if) we see them, it completely changes our happiness level.

Here's a similar exercise that I've been teaching people for years. When I was younger, and I did it, it totally changed how I saw myself. And it changed my daily life. You've heard of a gratitude journal, yes? It's when you write down three things that you're grateful for every night/There's been tons of research in the last couple of decades about the benefits of gratitude journals, revealing that this small practice improves emotional wellness and happiness.

Well, I like to add to this practice. Add writing down three accomplishments that you did that day. So three things that you're grateful for and three things that you accomplished that day. When you're thankful for something, you could be a passive recipient of it. Like, the sunset. However, when you write down three things that you accomplished, you're noticing the things that you had to use your agency for, something that you did. The actions could be minimal, like helping your friend find something that they lost, or it could be emptying the dishwasher, or it could be a little bit bigger, like finishing a school project.

Every night, write down three things that you did that day. Our individualistic culture teaches us to see our deficits. Deficits seem to constantly be in your face, pointing out your inadequacies. You have to override that process by practicing seeing your skills. You have them, and you're doing these things daily, but you're not noticing them. And you're probably not celebrating them. This practice of writing down three things every night that you did that day could change that. After a while, you start to notice things all through the day that you did. You'll begin to see yourself as empowered and able, and you'll connect with the skills that you have. You'll grow confidence, and this confidence will have you engaging in things that have been outside your comfort zone in the past. This trust in yourself will build more and more confidence and belief in yourself so that there is no room for anxiety to convince you otherwise!

I'm going to leave it here for this episode because I gave you a lot, and I cannot wait to start Chapter 3 next. I am chomping at the bit, trying not to get ahead of myself, but Chapter 3 will continue to show you how to step into your agency and authority and feel amazing in the process.

Thank you so much for listening to "Anxiety...I am So Done with You!" with me, Dr. Jodi. Remember to check out the blog post that goes along with this episode because I have more videos and resources that go along with what I share today. The link is in the show notes. Today we covered anxiety's evasively saying, "You can't," and we proved it to be untrue. I talked about imposter syndrome, wicked competencies, and personal authority. And I shared the five-second rule for how to start something when you feel like you can't. Speaking of "five," I would love a five-star review on Apple Podcasts if time is on your side today. Next is Chapter 3, Section 1, Activate Your Power. Read or listen, and I'll see you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

2:6 Lie # 6: “You Can’t Trust Anyone”

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 18 Mar 2023 04:00:00 +0000

This episode follows Chapter 2, Lie # 6: "You Can't Trust Anyone" of Anxiety... I'm So Done with You! In this episode, you'll learn:

humans are social beings and need people
how isolation amplifies negative thoughts
why relationships are mutually beneficial
how to deal with difficult people

It's hard when anxiety convinces you that you can't trust anyone or shouldn't need people because people need people. I'll teach you that when you learn how to trust yourself, you will see which other people you can trust too. You'll learn that self-trust starts with self-compassion.

People who feel emotionally bad are often tempted to isolate themselves. There are many reasons for this; some are you don't want to feel needy, you don't want to be a burden, and you don't want to be hurt when you are so vulnerable. But you are not protecting yourself because isolation makes everything worse, not better.

Being scared of people might be your reason for isolation, but isolation is increasing your fear of people. It would be best if you broke out of isolation, and in this episode, I give you tips for exactly how.

"Individualistic ideas hurt people. One, because they're impossible to maintain. So you feel like a failure. And two, because they make you isolate yourself. And then you're alone in your head with your negative thoughts. Not a good place for anyone. Isolation, even when it's self-inflicted, makes us feel unloved, untethered, without a purpose, and lonely." - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

Remember, you can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcript

Hey, you're here with Doctor Jodi, and this is Season 2 of "Anxiety... I'm So Done with You!" This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. If you're new, here grab a copy of my book Anxiety... I'm So Done with You!" because this series follows it section by section, going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. Season 2, which accompanies Chapter 2, details the lies that anxiety, depression, and negative thinking tell you to get you to believe in them. Once you know what they are, you can see them coming a mile away and call them out. That way, they can no longer sucker-punch you with their toxicity. I appreciate your listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple podcasts. If I've helped you, kindly spread the word about this book and podcast series. Mental health problems are invisible, so you never know who is struggling around you. Your sharing can make a huge difference in their lives!

Welcome to this episode. We're talking about Chapter 2, Lie #6, "You can't trust anyone!" Grab your notebook and pen, y'all, because I will lay down some information that will change your life for the better.

When you're a social being, like all humans are, you need people. So this lie that you can't trust anyone will mess you up. If anxiety convinces you that you can't trust anyone, it convinces you that you don't need anyone. But you do need people because people need people. Individualistic ideas hurt people.

Because they're impossible to maintain, so you feel like a failure.
Because they make you isolate yourself, and then you're alone in your head with your negative thoughts, which is not a good place for anyone's isolation. (Even when it's self-inflicted, isolation makes you feel unloved, untethered, without a purpose, and lonely.)

Sometimes being alone when you have me time is good. You recoup and rejuvenate. But we're talking about something else here. The flavor of isolation is distinct. It feels different to your mind and your emotions as if you're un-held. You might be isolating because your anxiety says, Stay alone; it's safer there where no one can hurt you. However, the isolation hurts you so much more. It keeps you from good uplifting relationships! And what's worse, it makes you feel so bad about yourself that you attract people who mistreat you. And then, you have no community to get you out of those relationships.

Isolation breeds more isolation. In my practice, I've understood that isolation is one of the worst things for people. When I have a young person in my office, and they say, "I don't care if I ever feel better." The first thing I think is that they are severely isolated. People often mistake not caring about anyone, not caring about feeling better, or not being interested in anything anymore as symptoms of depression. Still, I see them as neurobiological symptoms of isolation. In isolation, your dopamine stops releasing.

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter (a hormone) that makes you feel good. When you're in isolation, nothing exciting is happening, just a lot of negative thoughts tumbling over themselves in your head, so you have little to no dopamine release. Your body gets used to not having it, and soon it doesn't care if it ever has it again. When dopamine goes off, you're like, "That feels good. I want more of that!" And you do the activity again, and then the dopamine goes off again, and you're like, "That's awesome! I want to do that again!" and so you do it again.

But when you're in isolation, it doesn't go off for a while, and you stop caring whether it goes off again. You're not used to it. You might feel like your mind is atrophying or that you can't concentrate. Do you ever feel like that?

It feels freaky and like there's no hope. I seems like you're losing yourself. But feeling like yourself again comes back. I promise. All you need to do is trigger the dopamine. Yeah, I'm saying it like it's easy, but it's not. Plus, you probably have a lot of resistance, too. That calorie-saving resistance we discussed in the last episode kicks in big time here. Whereas everything you try to do will feel like a waste of energy. But it's not a waste of energy. You need to override that false belief.

You will feel better if you get out of isolation. At first, it will feel scary and uncomfortable. That can feel out of control. But once you're out, you start to feel a bit better. It takes a little time and going out a few times, but soon you will feel in more control, not less. It's hard to do this and even more difficult to do it alone. It helps if you have a friend to go out with. After some brain stimulation, you will leave the Monkey Mind's negative spiral and return to feeling more like yourself. Okay, back to needing people…

People isolate themselves for a lot of reasons.

They don't want to feel needy. They think that humans are not supposed to feel needy. However, the more people try not to be needy, the lonelier and more negative they feel about themselves. Also, the more unloved they feel, and so the needier they become. When neediness is not satisfied, it comes out sideways and causes drama in relationships that you do have. Regular people are needy! Not only people with something wrong with them. People, in general, are needy. So you could stop judging yourself for your neediness. When you allow yourself to be needy, you can seek companionship before it escalates and gets out of control.

Relationships are mutually beneficial. You get your needs met while giving someone else what they need.

I had a client recently whose anxiety had her avoiding school. She wanted to complete high school but would freeze in the morning and then decide to stay home. Unfortunately, she had experienced significant trauma, and that influenced how her anxiety made her want to stay home. Her anxiety is entirely understandable, but also it hurts her more.

Anxiety is often the result of experiencing trauma. Still, anxiety, once it is there, can become its own animal, meaning it acts separately from the trauma reaction but still feels like the same thing. While she and I addressed the trauma in therapy, I also wanted her to attend school as soon as possible. I knew it hurt her and her recovery more, not to go. For one, healing happens in relationships, not in isolation, so the trauma recovery is much slower while she stays home. And two, after some time of not going, the idea of school was becoming scarier and scarier, and thus harder and harder for her to go.

She told me she couldn't attend school because "I don't feel comfortable around people anymore." For her, that was a truth.

You can assume this fear of people came from her experience of trauma, and of course, the trauma influences her feelings about people. I also witnessed that since the trauma, there were periods when she had been around people, and at those times, she was comfortable. This fear of people didn't start until she stopped attending school for a few weeks and being around people became unfamiliar. The longer she stayed home, the worse it was. So was she afraid of people due to trauma reaction, or was this from isolation?

It's important how we make meaning around our fears and anxieties. When she viewed her fear of people as due to the trauma, it motivated her differently than if she thought it was due to the isolation. If it was from the trauma, then she assumes people trigger her and that she must stay away from people. She says, "I isolate because I'm afraid of people."

This gets a truth status in her mind: that people are scary. It is not true, though. Some people are dangerous, sure, but her anxiety tells her that all people are scary, period. This has her double-downing on isolating herself in order to protect herself.But she is not safe in her Monkey Mind.She is so much worse there! I suggested that being scared of people is not what caused her to isolate, as much as her isolation was causing her to be more afraid of people.

I said, "If you get out of isolation, you will be less afraid of people."

I reminded her of recently when she was around people and how that was okay. I reviewed with her that we've seen that pattern repeatedly; when she's around people more, she's more comfortable with people, and when isolated, she is afraid of people. I knew about this phenomenon because I'd seen it play out with many other clients. Getting out of isolation saved their lives, and I wanted to save hers too.

Back to this section of the book and the lie, "You can't trust anyone." If you've been hurt a lot, I am feeling you in this section because many of your experiences feel like proof that people can't be trusted. Or that you deserve to be treated badly or that you're picking the wrong people. The real answer is that people are limited. Everyone has shabby self-esteem. They're all dealing with negativity in their own heads, which, while invisible to you, is there, I promise.

Some people's misery is so big that it overflows onto the people around them. They become "difficult people." Difficult people can range from just being negative, crabby, and playing devil's advocate all the way to being narcissistic and controlling. And then, there's so much in between. You have to handle these differences in various ways.

In the book, I share my best secrets to dealing with difficult people, giving you some practices to try. What did you think of the energetic eye roll? I love that one! If you liked it, I made another longer Energy Shield Training video with these techniques explained a bit deeper. You can get that in the blog post with this episode. The link is in the show notes.

The biggest reveal in this section is that the only person you have to learn to trust is yourself. You have to trust yourself when you risk being around people since people are limited and can hurt you. When you trust yourself, you won't give them as much power over you until you know them better. Plus, you'll take your time observing them to see if they're truly kind before you're vulnerable with them.

There are good people out there. You will vibrate higher when you feel better about yourself and have built trust and confidence in yourself. Consequently, you'll feel more of a match to higher vibrating people. (In Chapter 3, I go deeper into how to develop that self-trust, but for now, it's important to know that working on the relationship with yourself will make a difference in how you feel about other people.)

One of our biggest fears is that people will judge us or call us out for our inadequacies. But it's important to know that when people judge you, they're judging you because of their fear of being called out for their perceived inadequacies. Or, they're trying to project away from their own perceived inadequacies. (Those are the people who put others down to make themselves feel better.)

Humans fearing or overcompensating for our perceived inadequacies is what holds power tactics, bullying, and discrimination in place. It feeds racism, ageism, sexism, heterosexism, ableism, and more. Judgment and discrimination over others are people's misplaced fear of their own powerlessness. It is why people abuse people. (I'm not talking about people who are psychotically violent or psychopathological, I'm talking about people who are controlling and abusive but seem like regular people sometimes.)

We call this narcissism (which has become such a buzzword!).

It's helpful to think about narcissism as a kind of anxiety. Not everyone who has anxiety is narcissistic, but everyone who is narcissistic has anxiety. Someone who is narcissistic feels a huge anxiety about being powerless and they overcompensate to the point of obsession at times. They alternately convince everyone that they're great or a victim in order to control people and situations. They are self-centered. The people in their lives only matter for what they can get from them. When they get nervous, they control people to regulate those emotions. Plus, they are skilled at subtly making you think it is you that is crazy.

I will embed my Red Flags video in the blog post that goes along with this episode in case, as you're listening, this is reminding you about someone in your life. The link will be in the show notes. I'll also embed my Drama Triangle video in there.

People who are narcissistic engage you in the drama triangle. Once you understand what is happening, you will not feel as crazy anymore. Knowing the drama triangle will help you deal with difficult people your whole life. It illustrates types of disruptive interactions that cause conflict. In the drama triangle, there are three roles that people engage in to manipulate others:

the Persecutor
the Victim and
the Rescuer

When they're in a Victim role, they might accuse you of hurting them, as if you're their Persecutor. Other times, they manifest an emergency, so you could be their Rescuer. And still, other times, they want to rescue you or persecute you by putting you down. Do any of those sound familiar? Watch that video to deal with people who relate to you this way.

Back to people judging you… It's essential to understand that people who judge you hold themselves to higher standards than they are holding you to (and failing them). They are not happy people. Knowing this can help you avoid taking their expressions personally. It's never about you, no matter how convincing they can be.

It might encourage you to have some compassion for them even. Having compassion for them does not make you vulnerable because once you know it is not you, you are no longer available for them to control you. Compassion puts you in a power role where they cannot hurt you. It protects you from giving what they say meaning. When they judge you, you say, "Oh, poor thing, that's so sad."

Nor does having compassion for them mean that it's okay that they did that to you. It's not okay that they judged you! It's not okay that they're mean! Period.

Have compassion for yourself too. When someone judges you, and it hurts you, perhaps, they criticize your voice, saying it sounds funny. Be kind to yourself because it can be painful, even if it is not about you. It's not okay that they did. Say to yourself, "I get why that hurt me," after an attack like this, thus validating yourself.

What's also important to know is that if someone insults you, it hurts more when they've hit a button that you're sensitive about. If someone mentions your body and you're sensitive about it, the criticism is more keenly felt if they tease you for a small rock in the corner of your yard that you didn't even know existed. You have no shame about the rock there, so you wouldn't feel bad when they say that. You'd merely look at them like they were crazy for mentioning the random rock.

But when it is something you're sensitive about, it would feel horrible. This is what you do: If someone says something hurtful to you, immediately get away from them if you can. Then, as I said, have some compassion for your soft human because, of course, it hurts you. What they told you hurts, so you need to validate yourself about that hurt.

Then, check in with yourself. Find out if you're sensitive about what was insulted and why. Then, endeavor to make peace with yourself around that thing. Use this as an opportunity to expose and then drop your implicit negative self-judgments! We'll talk a lot about this in later episodes, especially in Chapter 4, but that's enough to chew on for this episode.

Thank you so much for listening to this podcast, "Anxiety...I am So Done with You!" with me, Dr. Jodi. In this episode, we talked about

needing people
trusting others
trusting yourself
identifying narcissists
dealing with people judging you

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening, commenting, subscribing, and sharing, especially for giving me a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. That helps this series get into the ears of more people that need it. You know how I feel about this devastating mental health crisis among young people, and we have to do everything we can to change the tide. The next episode will be a deep dive into the last section of Chapter 2, Lie #7, "You can't!" Read or listen, and I'll see you there, and in the meantime, come on and hang out with me on TikTok @DoctorJodi.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

2:5 Lie # 5: “You Shouldn’t Have To Do It”

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 11 Mar 2023 05:00:00 +0000

This episode goes with Chapter 2, Lie # 5: "You Shouldn't Have To Do It" of Anxiety... I'm So Done with You! Much of the time, it is easier and better for you to do hard things rather than resist them. Do you believe that? It's true! And I'll explain it in this episode. You'll learn:

how to feel empowered by the choices you have
the real reason you feel resistance
exactly how Anxiety uses that resistance against you
how to override the resistance and feel better

Feeling obligated to do things you don't want to do makes you feel disempowered. Plus, it teams up with an instinctive, biological resistance that Anxiety picks up on and expands. I'm going to tell you how to break free of this cycle.

Your brain interprets disempowering language like, "I have no choice in the matter" and "There's no other option," as powerlessness. That's exactly why Anxiety says these things because it wants you to feel powerless. It doesn't want you to see your choices. It is time to push Anxiety aside and let you see your power.

You are hardwired to resist expending calories in doing things your brain doesn't deem worth doing, but you can override that. There are hard, boring, uncomfortable, and tedious tasks that do help you thrive and succeed in this life. Your reptilian brain doesn't recognize them as beneficial to you, but you have a mammalian brain that can override it. Doing hard things is good for you, good for your brain, and good for your life. It builds a sense of purpose. It makes you stronger. I'll show you how to get comfortable with discomfort to keep Anxiety at bay.

"When you're faced with something that you don't want to do, you feel a sharp resistance to it. And then, when you feel that resistance, you have to make sense of it and give meaning to it. You all too often give it the meaning that 'I shouldn't have to do it.' " - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

Remember, you can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcript

Welcome to this episode! We're talking about Chapter 2, Lie #5, "You shouldn't have to do it!" Before we start, I wanted to remind you that I go live every Monday at 11 am Eastern on YouTube and Facebook. If you ever have questions or want to hang out with me virtually, come on over to that broadcast. You can also find me on TikTok @DoctorJodi.

In this episode, we expose a lie that anxiety frequently uses in this modern culture: "You shouldn't have to do anything that you don't want to do!" This lie convinces you that your refusal to do anything that you don't want to do, is you standing up for yourself and defending yourself. While that might be true sometimes, anxiety makes you think this is a universal rule. However, that belief hurts you. There are many tasks that you are faced with each and every day that you do not want to do, like getting out of bed in the morning. But if you do it, you don't suffer the undesired consequences of being late.

Some tasks you might do out of respect for who's asking, and some you might do to get something else that you do want, like shoveling snow so you could get out of the driveway. And then some tasks have no point to them, and you could choose not to do them, like folding underwear. Who folds their underwear? You have a choice in every task you engage in, though sometimes, it doesn't feel like that. That's because you're using words that suggest you have no choice.

As in: I have no choice whether to take the bus because I have no other way to get there. People use disempowering language like this all the time. Our brain unconsciously registers this as powerlessness. But, with regard to the bus, you can choose not to go. (Many people would prefer not to go somewhere if taking a bus was the only option. They are deciding that it's not worth the effort.) The people who choose the bus value their reasons for going enough to motivate them to do it. Or they take the bus all the time, perhaps they like it, or at least they feel like it's easy and not much effort, so definitely worth it.

Anxiety does not want you to think about the choice you have because then you feel empowered. But anxiety wants you to feel disempowered. Unfortunately, our society has encouraged us to implicitly believe that we are oppressed if we have to do anything we don't want to do. It's that American entitlement to be happy. No, we have a right to pursue happiness; that means generating happiness, not having happiness without effort. Anxiety takes advantage of this sense of entitlement.

When you're faced with something you don't want to do, you strongly resist it. When humans feel that resistance, they want to understand it, make sense of it, and give meaning to it. This implicit belief influences us to think that we shouldn't have to do it. Remember, implicit beliefs and biases are there and affect us, even though they're not entirely in our consciousness. (Cognitively thinking that we're oppressed if we have to do anything we don't want to do doesn't even make sense!) But the feeling of resistance, coupled with what the monkey says that "resistance feeling" means, immobilizes us and has us defending our honor and autonomy (when often that makes us sabotage ourselves with the consequences of not doing it).

Again, everything is a choice. Some things do not feel like a choice because the consequence of not doing them is undesirable, or the result of doing them is very desirable.

There are many things that you have to do but would rather to avoid doing like chores, homework, sitting through something boring, carrying something for someone, or watching your little sibling. In the big picture, the outcome of those tasks would benefit you in the end, or benefit someone you love in the end (even if it's not immediate).

It gets easier when you're accustomed to doing things you don't want to do. When you're not, it's more complicated and so much harder! When my kids were growing up and regularly doing chores, they complained less. However, whenever they were extra busy at school with something like sports or midterms, I'd give them a break from helping me with chores. Later, when I asked them to start helping again, they showed so much resistance by fighting, complaining, or gaslighting me about it. I almost regretted my kindness in giving them a break. I wondered if I was helping them since resistance doesn't feel good to the person who feels it.

Resistance below the surface makes you feel like something's unjust, affecting your sense of powerlessness, worthlessness, and being out of control. Remember those? They affect your mental health and you start wondering why you feel so tired and unmotivated all of the time. The monkey begins searching for the problem, and you feel like something is wrong with you.

Do you feel tired all the time––especially when you're starting your homework––then do you sit and wonder:

Why am I so tired all the time?

What's wrong with me?

Why am I so tired ALL the time?

This worrying provokes anxiety and depression. And, it does not serve you. We need to do hard things because they strengthen our vitality and a sense of purpose. This is why Glennon Doyle's podcast is called, We Can Do Hard Things.

Engaging in small challenges builds confidence and connects you with your agency and authority. You feel stronger, trust yourself more, and are more relaxed.

In this section of the book, I explained why this resistance is happening: once it's exposed, it is no longer implicit and affects you without your approval. I'll review that again in this episode because if reading this book was the first time you've heard it, it'll help to hear it again.

The brain has two functions the first is to survive and thrive, and the second is to conserve calories. Whenever it is faced with a task, the brain quick-as-lightning makes the decision: do I need to do this to survive and thrive? Or not?

If the brain determines that you don't need it to survive or thrive, it sets off neurotransmitters that give you tension in your body and a feeling of needing to resist. The purpose of this biological resistance is to protect you from expending precious calories to do the task when it assumes you don't have to. Remember, the brain evolved for many millennia in hunter-gatherer times (and the grocery store has only been around for less than 100 years!). Calories needed to be conserved for survival because no one was guaranteed where or when their next meal was coming from.

It doesn't just try to conserve calories when you're hungry; it does it in case you're hungry. I realize that many families around this country and the globe don't have enough to eat. But many people don't need our brains to give us this resistance anymore.

I'm sharing this new understanding of resistance with you for many reasons. One is that if you feel resistance and hesitate, your mind thinks something is wrong and releases adrenaline. You know what happens when it releases adrenaline; it means that you're desperate to satisfy the anxiety and you do it by grabbing control. The second reason is that you could make negative identity conclusions about yourself if you didn't know the biological reasons for this resistance. For example, you conclude that you're different, lazy, or problematic.

What's worse is that these can have you isolate yourself. So you're alone with the negative thoughts and identities feeding themselves, spiraling worse and worse! Over time this can develop into a severe mental illness.

Another reason I'm telling you this is that this resistance makes you fight with people with your best interest at heart. Some people ask you to do tasks for your highest good. If your good is at the center, they are not oppressing you. When you resist things that are for you, you might be the one who is being mean. Plus, you lose out on whatever good there was there. Also, it's a lot of effort to fight. Sometimes it's much more effort than the chore would have been. This means you are not lazy or unmotivated! When you add this calorie-counting resistance to developmentally appropriate rebellion and individuation (which is you becoming your own person), you are far from lazy! You're actually highly motivated––but to resist.

Listen, having to do something you don't want to do makes you feel powerless, and you want to protest that powerlessness because humans are inherently resistors. We always oppose any power over us. You can see this happening throughout history. That is why oppressors have to do so many conniving and horrible things to keep people oppressed because people will always rise up.

However, when you see things as your choice and desire the outcome–– even if that outcome is way down the line––you will feel empowered instead of disempowered, which will make all the difference.

Safety is relative, but in our culture, we have equated it with "comfort." That is the cause and the consequence of increased anxiety in the last 20 years. It is a problem. Comfort and ease are overrated. Demanding it comes from a feeling of powerlessness that is not even true. It causes you to be the oppressor without even meaning to. You might be trying to control and gaslight yourself or control and gaslight other people.

This attachment to comfort and ease is the cornerstone of white fragility, which continues to put a wrench in the wheels on our path to righting the wrongs of our history. Remember, trying to get power over yourself or power over other people is unsustainable. I called it pseudo-power because it is fleeting. You have to keep grabbing it. However, even when you do, it either fades fast or causes more chaos, so you still never feel good.

What will help our individual and collective mental health is when people get comfortable being uncomfortable. Freedom and relaxation come from knowing you don't have to hold on so tightly to comfort. You'll feel better letting it go. Discomfort is not dangerous; tediousness is not dangerous; chores are not dangerous; homework is not dangerous. Danger is dangerous. There's a huge difference.

Now, what are we going to do about this?

First, let's summarize: When you are faced with a task you don't want to do, the brain releases neurotransmitters that give you a feeling of resistance. But the mammalian brain can override this by knowing that there is some benefit to the task and deciding to start it.

Once you consciously decide to do it, you will feel empowered, which will keep the anxiety at bay. You'll feel better because you won't feel so bad about yourself. Plus, you'll have fewer conflicts, which, let's face it, suck. You'll feel productive and maybe even proud of yourself. And, if it was hard, you'll build skills and confidence, and so confident in your skills. Additionally, you'll enjoy the desired outcomes of doing whatever you do. This is a win-win-win-win-win situation!

That's enough for this episode. Take some time to think about these ideas. Share this episode with a friend so that the two of you can talk about it, and think of some examples of how it applies to you and your life to help you integrate.

Thank you so much for listening to this podcast, "Anxiety...I am So Done with You!" with me, Dr. Jodi. In this episode, you learned why you resist doing things you don't want to do and how anxiety hijacks that feeling and uses it against you. You also learned that you could override this and that doing so will make you feel much better.

I appreciate you all for subscribing and leaving me a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. The next episode is Chapter 2, Lie #6, "You can't trust anyone!" If you have trust issues, you're going to love that one! Read or listen, and I'll meet you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

2:4 Lie # 4: “You Must be in Control"

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 4 Mar 2023 05:00:00 +0000

This episode goes with Chapter 2, Lie # 4: "You Must Be In Control!" of Anxiety... I'm So Done with You! It's time to unpack control. I've said control issues are anxiety issues, and now we need to dig deeper into "control." In this episode, you'll learn:

The correlation between control and anxiety
How to distinguish physical vulnerability from emotional vulnerability
How to identify danger and when you're in it
Why letting go is not what you think it is

Do you feel anxiety about being in control? Anxiety tells you that you are in danger if you are not in control. That worry convinces you that you always need to be in control. But when you believe that, you will always feel anxious since 'control over everything' is an impossible quest. This episode unpacks the concepts of control, danger, and vulnerability, so you no longer have to listen to anxiety.

Anxiety always calls attention to control - specifically, the things you don't have control over. This makes those things feel more significant than they are. You see, anxiety is rigid. It tells you everything needs to go how you expect it to, or you're out of control. I'll remind you that there are many things that go differently than you plan, and they have gone fine. Plus, I'll show you where and how you have agency.

There are things you control and things that you don't. Anxiety wants you to see what's out of your control. However, refocusing on what you can control brings calm and builds confidence.

"Control has come to equal safety. This has led to the belief that vulnerability equals danger. These concepts have small relationships to each other, but they are in the context of so many other things. They are not equal. Control is relative. There are things that you have control over and things that you don't have control over." - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

Remember, you can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcript:

Welcome to this episode! We're talking about Chapter 2, Lie #4, "You must be in control!" If you've been on this journey with me from the beginning, you know the correlation between control and anxiety. So, you know control issues are anxiety issues!

In this episode, I'm going to:

unpack control a little bit further
talk about vulnerability
distinguish physical vulnerability from emotional vulnerability
unpack danger and how you know you are in it
go over "pseudo-power" (where I tell you why it is not sustainable)
share why letting go is not what you think it is

Let's dive in. How many of you can relate to the anxious thought that I quoted at the beginning of this section: "If I'm not in control and something bad happens, then I can't do anything!"?

This thought decidedly makes you think that you must always be in control_! C_ontrol makes people feel safe, but when they expect to be in control, it can be consuming. So many things that you are experiencing and interacting with are out of your control.

We, humans, are constantly being reminded that we are failing the expectation to keep control because it's an impossible expectation. And even though the expectation is impossible to meet, not meeting it feels dangerous and so completely unacceptable. Again, this happens implicitly. Remember from the last episode implicit means it's there and impacting things, but you may not be conscious of it. When we feel out of control, we try to grab something near us to control so that we feel in control again. We try to catch whatever we can put our hands on, be it cleanliness, other people, substances, anger, perfection, sex, exercise, or whatever is close at hand. And when controlling that calms us a bit, we keep grabbing that thing again and again.

The problem is it's unsustainable. I call us trying to control these things "pseudo-power" or "pseudo-control" because it doesn't satisfy us and we have to keep grabbing it. Bullies, or people who engage in power tactics in relationships, are playing this out. Getting power over others is their way of trying to regulate their implicit anxiety. They feel out of control and compensate by controlling something or someone.

Did you ever hear the phrase, "Hurt people hurt people"? This is what they mean. Bullying others comes from pain or anxiety in the bully's life. That doesn't make it okay that they hurt you, but it can help you understand that it's not you and you don't have to put up with it anymore. In fact, if some sirens are going off as I say this, check out my Red Flags video on the blog post for this episode. That'll tell you if anything you are experiencing is something to be concerned about.

In chapter 3, I go deeper into finding sustainable empowerment. Still, for this section, I'm mostly addressing the expectation that you have to be in control because that unrealistic expectation hurts you. In your implicit belief system, control has come to equal safety. This has led to the belief that vulnerability equals danger. These concepts are related to each other, but they are not equal.

Control is relative. There are things that you have control over and things that you don't have control over. Anxiety calls your attention to where you have no control. Making you think that they are so much more impactful than they are. Anxiety makes them feel like they're real threats. However, the things you do have control over––your agency or your response––means more to how good your life is than anything else. (This is why I dedicated Chapter 3 to your agency.)

Anxiety likes to spin the tale that you are out of control when you're not. Also, anxiety is rigid. It makes you think that everything should go exactly as you expect it to or you're out of control. For example, if someone else changes a plan, you feel like the whole thing's falling down around you, and your anxiety spikes! Changing plans could be for the better or benign. When it's worse, it might not be that bad. The other person might give you notice ahead of time. They might communicate the reason they are changing, and it makes sense to you, or they may suggest an acceptable alternative. None of that is out of control. Even when someone changes plans last minute, you can still decide what to do next. You're still in control of what you do.

Vulnerability is not dangerous. If you've grown up in a chaotic household where you experienced some insecurity in any form, you have probably learned that vulnerability is dangerous. We noticed an interesting phenomenon when I worked in a preschool for kids at risk of being removed from their homes because of abuse and neglect. When one of the preschoolers cried, the other kids would come up and hit them. The vulnerability was not tolerated.

If you ever spent time with someone who grew up in a chaotic environment, for example, they had a parent who was selfish, abusive, or emotionally unavailable, or they had a significant loss, trauma, extreme poverty, or housing instability, you might have noticed this. They get nervous, upset, or play devil's advocate whenever you're vulnerable. They equate vulnerability and danger and are worried about you.

Vulnerability is only dangerous when there is danger there. When you're safe, vulnerability is not only safe; it's beautiful, intimate, connecting, transformative, and for that reason, very often inspiring.

It's important to delineate physical threats from emotional threats. The sympathetic nervous system, that fight or flight reaction is practical when you're in physical danger, but not when you're in emotional danger—taking a moment to observe your situation and make this distinction can save your mental health.

In the book, I told you about Kate and how she pulled back from social situations because she was so afraid of being vulnerable. Her fear was understandable because she was abused in a previous relationship. I'm glad she pulled away from the guy who abused her. However, her isolation and anxiety hurt her more than the risks of being around new friends, co-workers, and classmates. There are good people out there!

Kate didn't trust that she could distinguish between good and abusive people. She rationalized this since she had gotten herself into that one bad relationship. In therapy, I argued that she had the skills to notice people. She could have minor interactions with new people and know quickly if she was physically safe in their vicinity. And then, she could take her time, getting to know them enough to witness their kindness and authenticity before she's ever vulnerable with them. Making good connections is worth this small risk! Anxiety wants you to be alone because it can have more power over you that way. There's nothing for you in that isolation but misery.

Sometimes influencers, adults, thought leaders, or authors say something like, "You have to surrender control, and then you could let go of anxiety!" I never saw that going over well with someone who has control issues. My method allows you to control the things that matter, your agency and your ability to make meaning, and then respond to a situation the way you want to. Knowing that you have your agency means you never have to give up the control that matters. You don't even have to grab anything to maintain it!

Agency maintains itself. Letting go of control is letting go of attempting to control things you don't and will never have control over. It may feel scary to think about letting go, but not meeting the impossible expectations that you must be in control causes more chaos. Deciding to focus on what you can control brings calmness. You don't have to grab anything; you don't have to effort more; you don't have to hurt yourself or anyone else to be in sustainable control; you just have to root into what you already have, your agency. Doesn't that sound nice?

Let me give you an example of this. Dean is an 18-year-old who gets anxious about missing class even if she's sick. She has been worried about this since she was little. She's primarily worried that she'll feel out of control trying to make up missed work. It's not like she was never sick, but those few times when she was, her mother had to convince her to stay home. Each time it went fine. There was far less work than she thought, and she caught up quickly. In retrospect, she reported that it wasn't so bad. Dean knew how to ask the teachers for help, get notes from her classmates, schedule time to make up tests, and complete missed work. Those were never problematic.

However, the next time she was sick, the same anxiety of being out of control would come again. If Dean remembered and focused on what she did have control over––the ability to navigate communicating with her teachers and completing missed work–– instead of focusing on––"I'm not there! I will miss everything! And then, I'll be behind! How am I going to catch up? What if I'm behind?"––she would have less anxiety. She can give up control over that all day long and feel more in control of her life, not less.

That was a simple, benign example. I did this on purpose. A traumatic example could distract or worry you, or worse, it could trigger you. This also works with something more severe. You may live in a context of unspeakable stress, oppression, and hardship much worse than Dean. If you do, then you have the skills to keep yourself safe. You wouldn't be here listening to this podcast if you didn't.

You have kept yourself safe. That means you've harnessed your agency about the things you can control. You need to make decisions to keep yourself safe. We'll get into those safety measures in the next chapter, but here we're leading up to that by talking about your abilities to assess your safety.

One more note: In the book, I share the social identifiers of the characters in the stories I tell. I may not do that in this podcast because I'm being more explicit about diversity, equity, and inclusion in other ways. However, I have to apologize for my misstep in the book. I'm sorry that I used the word "straight." Since writing the book, I was schooled about this word, and that feedback uncovered an implicit bias of using words that we have always used without critiquing them. Using the word "straight" suggests it's preferable, but I don't think it's preferable. Unfortunately, I cannot change that because I did not publish the book. I'm sorry that I used this exclusive term, and I hope to do better in the future now that I know better.

Thank you so much for listening to this podcast, "Anxiety... I'm So Done with You!" with me, Dr. Jodi. Don't forget my five-star review on Apple Podcasts, and remember, every episode has a blog post with more videos and resources for you.

It's time to read Chapter 2, Lie #5, "You shouldn't have to do it!" Read or listen to that, and I'll catch you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

2:3 Lie # 3: “You Must Handle it Right"

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 25 Feb 2023 05:00:00 +0000

This episode goes with Chapter 2, Lie # 3: "You Must Handle It Right" of Anxiety... I'm So Done with You! How do you handle negative feelings? Or oppressive toxic positivity? In this episode, you'll learn:

Why fake positivity hurts you
How dwelling too long on the bad things can lead to spiraling negativity
What bypassing is
How to bid your anxiety a not-fond farewell

You are human, you feel things, and it's okay to feel upset about things that have happened to you. However, you don't need to live with the hurt forever. But you also shouldn't expect yourself not to be bothered by anything again. This episode will show you where the sweet spot is.

Always being positive and never being triggered are unrealistic expectations. It's another example of colonizing Western Culture. That kind of thinking doesn't allow you to be you. You deserve to feel but not stay feeling bad. Have you heard the saying, "if you are going through hell, keep going"? You want to allow a feeling so it can come up and out and not stay inside you.

In the exercise for this section of the book, I invited you to write a letter to your anxiety. In the letter, you take what you have learned about anxiety and tell it to leave you alone. To inspire you, I read an example of someone else's goodbye letter. Soon, it’ll be you saying, “Take a seat, anxiety. I don't want to listen to you anymore!”

"When somebody hurts you, you get rejected, or if you are disappointed, feeling hurt, sad and worried, and betrayed is human. It's weirder if you don't feel those things. So when society gives us an expectation that we shouldn't feel bad at all, it is not allowing us to be, well, us." - Dr. Jodi Aman_

Resources discussed in this episode:

Remember, you can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcript

Hey, you're here with Doctor Jodi, and this is season two of "Anxiety... I'm So Done with You!" This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. If you're new, here grab a copy of my book "Anxiety...I'm So Done with You!" because this series follows it section by section, going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. Season 2, which accompanies Chapter 2, details the lies that anxiety, depression, and negative thinking tell you to get you to believe in them. Once you know what they are, you can see them coming a mile away and call them out. That way, they can no longer sucker-punch you with their toxicity. I appreciate your listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple podcasts. If I've helped you, kindly spread the word about this book and podcast series. Mental health problems are invisible, so you never know who is struggling around you. Your sharing can make a huge difference in their lives!

Welcome to this episode where we're talking about Chapter 2, Lie #3, "You must handle it right!" I'll go over the easiest ways for you to handle negative feelings and talk about the power of saying goodbye to your anxiety.

What's fake positivity? Also called toxic positivity, it's thinking that being "positive" means you're always happy, evolved, and above getting upset by whatever's happening to you.

Some people call this bypassing, as in spiritual bypassing. Bypassing means dismissing the context of the problem, including if someone, or some structure, hurt you. That promotes the idea that you shouldn't let anything bother you, no matter how horrible or unjust it is. Spiritual bypassing is when people on a spiritual journey embrace new-age ideas that convince them that there's one truth, "Everything is a reflection of the mind." The assumption is that people are hurt only when something unhealed inside them is triggered. Unfortunately, this has people double down on self-blame or, in the opposite vein, avoid responsibility for their actions and behavior that hurts others. They say, "If I hurt you, that was you being triggered about something inside of you."

In some ways, I get it: if someone you did not care about rejected you, you'd feel it less than if it was someone you do care about. But if someone you didn't care about stabbed you, you would totally care. I recognize that people sometimes repeat unhealthy patterns. However, if we blamed people's inner triggers for injustices that happened to them, we would ignore injustice that doesn't affect us because we would not see them as our problem.

Similarly, people think that not intending to hurt someone means they are not responsible for hurting them. It does feel a little better knowing they didn't mean it, but they still hurt you. They're responsible for the impact their words or deeds have made, and when that is acknowledged, it's even more healing.

Did you ever have someone apologize to you saying, "I'm sorry if what I said hurt you, but that's not what I meant" instead of:

"I'm sorry I said that. Thank you for the feedback. I'll be more careful next time because I don't want to hurt you." There's a big difference.

One is using intention as an excuse not to take responsibility for one's words. People can hear that. It's gaslighting: "I'm sorry you didn't understand me correctly."

The other apology is being accountable for saying something wrong and committing to improving now that they learned how it was received. Intention can be part of the apology. Knowing that they didn't mean it does heal the relationship, but it's better to come after acknowledging what was said or done. We still live in a world of form, and humans have feelings. You affect the people and the energy field around you, and you're responsible for that.

Okay, I'm listening to myself, and I'm thinking I have to make a caveat here because sometimes you're dealing with someone who's selfish and narcissistic, and you have to do the opposite of what I'm saying. They might be complaining about something you said, like when you were sticking up for yourself, and they might want you to take responsibility for it as if you've done something wrong. But I don't want you to take responsibility for that.

If you're wondering which situation you are in, or if you think that your perspective is clouded, take a step back. A distant perspective can help you understand the big picture and know what you're dealing with. Also, you don't have to do this alone! Especially if you are dealing with someone who is potentially manipulating you. Float the situation past a good friend and see what they think.

For me, understanding your impact is the second half of the spiritual journey. The first half is to free yourself of the shackles of the monkey mind and realize you are divine. Then, the second half uses that to take care of and change the world with that new understanding. Some people get stuck in the middle of that journey. It's similar to what's shared in anti-racist books; progressive white women feel the most dangerous to people of color. That is because they often take for granted that they are good and don't continue to be reflexive and conscientious about their actions, thoughts, and behaviors. If you're white and like to be an ally, you are never done doing the work on your implicit biases.

Bypassing is difficult for me to stomach as a social worker and as someone who's worked with people who've experienced trauma for so long. Bypassing gives an excuse to blame and gaslight the victim. As if someone assaulting you is a reflection of your mind? As if you have total responsibility for what happened to you? No.

Victims taking responsibility for what happened to them is a problem we are trying to UNDO. When somebody hurts you, you get rejected, or if you are disappointed, feeling hurt, sad, worried, or betrayed is human. It's weirder if you don't feel those things. So society's expectation that you shouldn't feel bad no matter what happens is not allowing you to be human. (If you haven't picked up on it yet, toxic positivity is another example of high expectations of Western culture. It's a tactic of colonization.) You are human! Of course, you're upset by the things that have happened to you!

So expecting yourself to: get over it fast, (1) be positive all the time, (2) act chill, (3) do everything right, etc., etc., are all unrealistic expectations. They are toxic because they make your very humanity feel inadequate.

The opposite of toxic positivity is spiraling negativity.

Did you ever start ranting about something, and it feels really good to get it out, but then it seems to cross a line where everything negative from your whole life, your whole past, comes into your consciousness and joins with what is happening now? It is good to get feelings out. That is helpful. It's better outside of you than inside of you! Ranting can feel cathartic and relieving. But there is a point when things start to feed upon themselves, bringing up more and more bad memories and making you feel worse.

Globs of negative self-judgment and worry circles come exponentially, upsetting you more. What's worse, this can affect behavior. You may do something to push someone you need away from you or hurt someone that you don't mean to hurt.

So how do we find the sweet spot between toxic positivity and spiraling negativity? You balance. You've honed this one if you did the exercise in the last section. (If you didn't do that exercise, what happened? That was one of the most important things in this book! 😉). If you did do it, you know what I'm going to say.

You have to let yourself feel.

Once you face the problems and have compassion for yourself, you don't attach to your feelings. From there, you can learn, resolve, or evolve from them. Otherwise, you keep spiraling.

Keep in mind, though, if you don't attach, and the feeling dissolves, your mind will still try to bring it up again. (That's what we covered in the exercise.) Expect this. This is human, and now you have the script to address it:

"Oh, hey self-blame, I knew you'd come back…"

"Oh, hey hurt, I knew you'd come back…"

"Oh, hey pain, I knew you'd come back…"

"Oh, hey––whatever it is that you feel––I knew you'd come back. Have a seat. I'm busy right now."

Then you take your mind off it and onto something else. Do some kind of engaging physical or mental activity.

When people fully feel their feelings and so don't attach to them, they get to this time when they can take their attention away quite quickly.

Don't worry if you don't fully have this embodied yet. (I'll give many more examples of this as this series continues because I'm not leaving here until you get this one!)

Next, I want to take a moment to chat about who you surround yourself with. If you are in a group of friends who spiral into negativity, I'm worried about you all. I understand there's a profound sense of belonging when you feel bad and join a group like this. Misery loves company. However, this kind of group sometimes creates a mini-culture that implicitly values suffering. This makes group members less motivated to improve because that would mean they no longer belong. Implicit means it's there and affecting the situation, but it's invisible and not said aloud. The opposite is explicit. Explicitly these groups hate suffering, of course, they do. People can think one way and have implicit biases operating counter to that, powerfully affecting them. Anytime you make what's implicit explicit, you take that power back.

You need that sense of belonging, but I want you all to lift each other up and not stay down together. You're sensitive, caring, and worried about each other. This can make you feel worse. I have a way to stop that. Watch my video, Loving People Up to You Instead of Worrying Down to Them.

In the What's in Your Hand? exercise of this section, I invite you to write a letter to your anxiety. This exercise is a powerful way of exposing what you have learned about your anxiety and stating your commitment to living life on your terms. In the book, I give you an example letter. Here I'm going to read you a different example.

This is a letter from Cindy to the voice of self-hate.

For many months you have pushed the limits to try and conquer me. You pretended to be my only true friend and made me believe that I was fat, ugly, and unattractive to anyone. You began to mold me into someone I could no longer recognize with tasteless thoughts and immoral concepts.

You took what was mine from me and didn't even bother to replace it. You tried to take from me my only true passion, field hockey, and make me believe I would never succeed. There were no boundaries. I even turn on my own family. I argued with the ones I love for being too close to me. You encouraged me to push them all away regardless of the consequences.

But guess what? I'm stronger than you.

I will and am overcoming you. I'm regaining my life back because no matter what things you've tried to do to me or how much you've tried to rule my life; I'm not going to stand for it anymore. You told me to ignore my best qualities and ignore what others said around me because they can never be true. I finally know my worth, and I'm saying goodbye to you and all my other problems who don't believe in me and aren't helping me get to where I'm going.

I have a wonderful family that loves me and amazing people around me that support me. And I'm lucky enough to be grateful for every day and every luxury I have. I'm destroying the beliefs you have tried so hard to instill in me––that I was ugly, worthless, unintelligent, fat, unathletic (sic), and the black sheep of my family.

Of course, I care about everyone around me. I'm very smart and wise beyond my years. I believe I'm a great friend and a role model for those who look up to me. I'm a scholar-athlete, musically talented, and have been gifted with a great school system and a safe town in semi-good weather. Luckily, I'm attractive to those who I want to attract. If someone would only like me as a size zero, they are not worth my time anyway! And I know now, and fully believe, that my personality on the inside radiates to the outside and affects those around me. I'm not fat; I'm working conscientiously to become healthier, not heavier. I've always been in a healthy weight anyway, especially as a three-sport athlete. So how dare you tell me what beautiful is and try to define who I am, based on stereotypical shallow, materialistic values?

I don't want to listen anymore!

~Cindy

Take a moment to let that sink in.

Hopefully, Cindy's letter encourages you to write your own letter. I promise it is a powerful exercise. Then if you're willing, come over to my blog and share it, or part of it, in the comments, then your letter will inspire future visitors to say goodbye to their problems, too.

Thank you so much for listening to this podcast "Anxiety… I'm So Done with You!" with me Dr, Jodi. (Ha! "Anxiety… I'm so done with you"––that could be the start of your goodbye letter!)

This episode taught us about toxic positivity, spiraling negativity, and the power of saying adios to your anxiety through a goodbye letter.

I love you for subscribing and leaving me five-star reviews on Apple Podcasts. The next episode is Chapter 2, Lie #4, "You must be in control!" (at all times in all ways in all places). Oh my gosh, this is going to be powerful! Read or listen to that, and I'll meet you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

2:2 Lie # 2: “You Need To Look At Me!”

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Mon, 13 Feb 2023 02:17:00 +0000

This episode goes with Chapter 2, Section 2 of Anxiety...I’m So Done with You! Anxiety is like a beacon for undivided attention. It wants you to look at it, giving it all of your brain space. That’s so mean of it. Let’s put anxiety in its place. In this episode, you’ll learn:

How anxiety engages the Monkey Mind with things to worry about
Why you get lost in “Anxiety Content.”
The exact script you can use to stop getting lost in it
What to do next.

Anxiety’s attention-seeking ways are a big problem. Huge! But you can tell anxiety to take a seat. I’ll talk you through it.

We have 12 to 60,000 thoughts per day. We can't grab them all into consciousness, so we, and our unconscious, picks and chooses which to bring closer. Anxiety wants us to pick thoughts that worry us, problems to fixate on, and things that haven't even happened yet that it really wants us to panic about. You've already learned about deconstructing fear by facing it. Now you will learn how to tell anxiety to cool its jets because you're too busy for its nonsense!

When anxiety comes back, the temptation is to tell ourselves we failed, are losers, and can't handle life. But that's just anxiety talking, trying to make you feel bad about yourself. Self-judgment is another anxiety tactic to distract you from your personal agency. Anxiety doesn't want you to know, but you have the strength to tell anxiety to back the heck off! I even give you the script!

"Anxiety says, 'What if you cut your fingers?'

You didn't cut your fingers, so there's no problem to solve with your fingers. It's a 'what if...' Which is merely a remote possibility of some future suffering. The monkey is trying to solve something that didn't happen and may never happen, and it gets really distracted doing that." - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

Remember, you can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

Transcript

Hey, you're here with Doctor Jodi, and this is season two of "Anxiety...I'm So Done with You!" This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. If you're new, here grab a copy of my book Anxiety...I'm So Done with You!" because this series follows it section by section, going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. Season 2, which accompanies Chapter 2, details the lies that anxiety, depression, and negative thinking tell you to get you to believe in them. Once you know what they are, you can see them coming a mile away and call them out. That way, they can no longer sucker-punch you with their toxicity. I appreciate your listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple podcasts. If I've helped you, kindly spread the word about this book and podcast series. Mental health problems are invisible, so you never know who is struggling around you. Your sharing can make a huge difference in their lives!

Chapter 2, Lie Number 2: "You need to look at me!"

This is a biggie because anxiety wants your undivided attention, and unfortunately, it knows exactly what to do to be a beacon for that. It puts thoughts in your mind that are hard to ignore. What's worse is that it makes you pull back from everything. It makes you want to stay in your room, or hide under the covers, or sit on a chair, and try to figure out your life.

Anxiety wants all of your attention. That's why it does that. That's why it has you isolate yourself and why it keeps you home. It wants to have your undivided attention. One of the worst things that you could do is give your brain space to the anxiety, because when you're busy, when you're engaged in something, or when you're trying to figure something out real in the world, those takes your brain space, leaving nothing for anxiety.

I interview people all day long about this. And, I ask them about times when they're with their friends, or having fun, or doing something. Almost always, they tell me that the anxiety is gone during those times. At the very least, it is a lot less. It might be in the background somewhere and it might be bothering you that it is in the background somewhere, but it is a lot less. Anxiety usually doesn't hang out with "fun." it doesn't hang out during fun times. In fact, laughter and anxiety cannot live together in the same moment.

Anxiety is constantly trying to engage you. It does this by telling you something that you think that you have to deal with. It might have you obsessed with looking at people's private parts, it might have you worried that your hands might be dirty and that could get you sick, or that you might touch something that could get you sick.

This is the interesting part about people being afraid of germs. People, who are afraid of getting germs (and touching things or sitting on things that might have germs), are not as afraid of getting sick as they are of touching germs. This is evasive nonsense of "It'll be horrible," "It'll be overwhelming," or "You can't" that stops us in our tracks. We don't even ask, "What's the problem?" "Why am I afraid of not getting germs?"

I'm not making light of these thoughts. I don't mean to be making people feel ridiculous. I'm unpacking the fear by saying, "What is it about that you're afraid of?" Then, "What is it about that that you're afraid of?"

If you do that, you will see that anxiety has very little substance. It has this very thin demand, "Don't get a germ! It'll be awful!" When you start to unpack those messages and look underneath them, there's nothing under there.

Let's look at some more things that anxiety tells you that you have to worry about:

"If you don't do this right, something bad will happen to someone you love."

"If you don't look perfect, he'll break up with you."

"What if I don't make enough money?"

"What if I cut my fingers?"

These kinds of phrases are overwhelming. It's really distracting when the monkey thinks there's a problem. There's no problem.

"What if I cut my fingers?" You didn't cut your fingers, so there's no problem about cutting your fingers. It's a "what if?" It's only a possibility of some future suffering.

The monkey is trying to solve something that didn't happen and may never happen. It becomes distracted. You're trying to figure out why you thought that what you thought. "Why am I crazy enough to think that?" and on and on goes that anxiety spiral. When we give it that attention, our mind gets hooked on it. Remember, we have 12 to 60,000 thoughts a day; 12 to 60! Many thoughts go through our minds in a day or an hour, and not all of them make it into our consciousness.

So, there are tons of thoughts going by, and we only grab certain ones and bring them in. We grab ones that are familiar, ones that are disturbing, ones that are funny, and ones that are weird. This is what happens: A strange thought comes in; your mind grabs it, pulls it into your consciousness, and says, "You are crazy! Jodi, why did you think this? This is what weirdos think! This is bad!"

It pulls it in, and you wonder why you are thinking this. You'll go down that rabbit hole then the next time that thought goes by, you'll think, "Oh no!" You'll pull it in, get really upset that it came again, and that your mind is hooked on it again. After a couple of times of that thought coming, you start to worry about why you're obsessed with that thing happening. This is a tactic of anxiety to get you to engage with it.

I like to call it "anxiety content" to acknowledge that it is the content of what anxiety tells you. For example, "You can't!" "Your hands might be dirty!" "Stop looking at their private parts!" "If you don't do this right, something bad will happen!" "If you don't look perfect, he'll break up with you!" "If you don't make enough money, you'll fail!"

There's nothing for you in this content because there's no problem (yet). What I mean by there's nothing there for you is that there's no problem to solve right now. There's only a potential for a future problem. You're worried about how you'd handle that in the future and how overwhelmed you'd be and are terrified of it, but there's nothing that you could do now. Therefore, you feel stalled and helpless, which increases your anxiety. There are literally no benefits for you to be trying to solve this unsolvable problem now. It's just anxiety content. Anxiety is going to use content that works on you. It uses something that's important to you.

It's important that he doesn't break up with you.

It's important that you have enough money.

It's important that you stay clean.

It uses content related to something important to you to seem like a real threat.

In the book, I give the example of The Wizard of Oz because the Wizard (of Oz) is a great metaphor for what's going on here. It has the smoke, the loud banging voice, and the big lights. It's immensely scary! But then you realize it's this little man behind the curtain pulling levers. Anxiety wants you to think that it's a big, frightening head, menacing and loud. But it has no substance. It's a hologram. It's merely a projection of lights and sounds with nothing real about it.

The What's in Your Hand? exercise in this section, I give you one of the most important practices from the whole book. If you do no other practices or exercises, still do this. Because much of the time, people think they have to face their fears. And we do; we have to face our fear by overriding it, and then, we must deconstruct it. I taught you that in the last chapter.

So, you must override and deconstruct that fear...but then there's a third step. In this exercise, I introduce you to the third step. If you have the audiobook and you want that exercise printed out, I have a download on the blog post that goes along with this episode; the link is in the show notes. There are times when we have faced our fear and deconstructed it, yet the fear comes back. (Or, anxiety, doubt, frustrations, hurt.) Those feelings come back, even when we thought we had let them go. Their coming back tends to make people angry, frustrated, and disappointed with themselves. When they return, people think they didn't get rid of it properly. They think that we're stupid or weak or something is wrong with us that this keeps coming back.

What if coming back is actually what you expected it to do? These feelings become a habit, and you become used to them. You have created neural pathways that quickly take that route, especially when you feel overwhelmed. However, if you expected them to come back, everything would change about how you experience them.

I have a script for this: You say, "Hey, Anxiety, I knew you'd come back. Just have a seat. I'm busy right now."

Listen to that again: "Hey, Anxiety, I knew you'd come back. Just have a seat. I'm busy right now."

I'll unpack what is happening in this script, but first, let me show you the alternative. Alternatively, when the anxiety comes back, you say, "Oh my God, you came back! I thought I got rid of you, but I didn't! I'm such a loser! I don't even know! I don't know how everyone could do it but me! Everyone knows how to do it! I don't know how to do it! I don't know if I can handle this! It's back now! What am I gonna do! I hate this anxiety! I hate this anxiety!"

Can anyone relate? Can you see how that makes you feel so much worse? That's judgment and worry about anxiety. It's those negative self-judgment and worry circles from Chapter 1, Section 1. They're globbing on and making the whole situation exponentially worse. First and foremost, don't judge yourself that your negative feeling comes back. You won't judge it when you expect it to come back. It wouldn't blindside you. You won't be surprised or disappointed. You'd be like, "Oh, hi, anxiety; I knew you'd come back!" See the difference? I hope you can feel the different energy of the words as I speak them: "There you are, anxiety. I knew you'd come back." There's no attachment in my energy. There's no worry. There's no self-judgment, either. When you have the expectation that it's going to come back––not because there's something wrong with you and not because you're weak––but because that's what problems do to the mind. You can use all of that energy that you're saving on committing to practicing repetition to change your neural pathways.

When you are not attached to the change process, it is much faster and easier. Let's get back to the exercise.

We're talking about anxiety content. After you deconstructed it and decided that you don't need to have it anymore, then, when the anxiety comes back, you say, "Hi, Anxiety Chatter, I knew you'd come back." Acknowledge it as anxiety chatter. This will help you stay out of the content, so you avoid the rabbit hole of what it wants you to be worried about and what problems it says you need to solve right now (because "What if" they happen?)

When you stay out of the content, you stay out of that conflict with yourself. That conflict inside of you––between you and anxiety––gives anxiety a lot of attention: Anxiety says something's bad, and you say, "No, it's okay, I'm okay, I'm okay!" (in a panicky voice). The conflict causes more chaos, and you're trying to solve the problem as if that's going to resolve the chaos, but you can't solve an unsolvable problem. So you'll always have doubts. That's how anxiety gets you––because you always have doubts, the chaos ensues.

You have to decide not to engage in the content of what anxiety is saying. Let's take, for example, Anxiety telling you that you will fail a test. Instead of saying, "Okay! Oh my gosh, what happens if I fail? What are my parents going to say if I fail the test? What am I going to do? I'm going to fail out of school?" ((in a panicky voice). Instead of all that, you can say, "Oh, hi Anxiety Chatter, I know you'd come back. Just have a seat; I'm busy right now." Then, start your homework, or study for the test (if that's what you're doing).

The best way to do this exercise is to picture yourself and practice using the script before the anxiety comes. Think about something that would make you anxious. (Pay no attention to the content of what it's saying.) Zoom out. Call it Anxiety Chatter and then use the script: hi Anxiety Chatter, I know you'd come back. Just have a seat; I'm busy right now." Then, you want to take your attention on the task at hand. Any task! You don't want to leave any brain space for the anxiety. You want to engage your mind in something at the moment. Engage in an activity or action. Make it something that would really capture your attention. It's a bonus if you're doing something to help the situation or help somebody else. It's also great to do something to make yourself feel better or build your confidence, but any activity will do

Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I hope you love it! Thank you for subscribing and commenting. Head on over to the blog post for this episode, where I have more resources for you. As always, that link is in the show notes. Please don't forget to give me a five-star review on Apple podcasts because that will get this podcast into the ears of more people who need it. The youth mental health crisis is out of control. Kids are suffering! Share this message so that more people can get help!

In the next episode, we're going to be talking about Chapter 2, Section 3. Have a read, and I'll meet you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

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• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

2:1 Lie # 1:“You Have to Know What’s Wrong!”

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 4 Feb 2023 06:00:00 +0000

This episode goes with Chapter 2, Section 1 of Anxiety...I’m So Done with You! In it, I review how anxiety infiltrates your identity and introduce Chapter 2. You’ll learn all anxiety’s tricks and tactics, especially how it lies to your face! Then, we discuss Lie number 1: “You Have to Know What’s Wrong!” You’ll hear:

What narrative therapy is all about
15 common lies that anxiety tells
Why “you have to know what’s wrong” is a lie
How the flexibility of a metaphor is more helpful than a label
The truth about diagnoses

You don’t need to know what’s wrong! Anxiety uses that lie to distract you from healing. After this episode, you will stop doubting yourself and start questioning the validity of anxiety.

The medical model says you need to find out what’s wrong so you can fix it. It posits that when it’s fixed, you can function well again. But does it really work for mental health? It doesn’t. People spend a lot of time trying to figure out what is wrong with themselves and remain unsatisfied with every guess they make, so they spiral into feelings of being out of control. It is a massive distraction from healing. This makes you think that you are the problem and are “damaged goods.” But you are not! You are a person with a problem. Rather than think it is you, know it as what you are feeling and experiencing.

That’s why I personify anxiety and find metaphors much more useful than labels. In this episode, you’ll learn all the words and labels that anxiety hides behind to disempower you, even diagnoses. And then, we are going to give the power back to you!

“You are not a loser. You are not damaged. You are not a problem. The problem is the problem. You are a person experiencing a problem.” - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

Remember, you can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcription

Hey, you're here with Doctor Jodi, and this is season two of "Anxiety...I'm So Done with You!" This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. If you're new, here grab a copy of my book "Anxiety...I'm So Done with You!" because this series follows it section by section, going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. Season 2, which accompanies Chapter 2, details the lies that anxiety, depression, and negative thinking tell you to get you to believe in them. Once you know what they are, you can see them coming a mile away and call them out. That way, they can no longer sucker-punch you with their toxicity. I appreciate your listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple podcasts. If I've helped you, kindly spread the word about this book and podcast series. Mental health problems are invisible, so you never know who is struggling around you. Your sharing can make a huge difference in their lives!

We are starting Chapter 2: I'm Done with Your Lies. This is Chapter 2, Lie number 1, "You have to know what's wrong!."

But before we dive into that section, let's take a moment to observe.

Take a long deep, cleansing breath. Feel your shoulders drop as you exhale. Feel your face around your mouth relax.

Doesn't that feel good?

Please do it again.

Give yourself kudos for getting this far. Thank yourself for the time that you've invested in yourself. You are amazing.

How's it going so far?

Every episode of this podcast has a blog post that goes with it. It has the transcription of this episode and more resources. At the bottom, there's a comment section where you can tell me what you liked best about Chapter 1.

Reflect for a moment:

What have you noticed about your anxiety?

What have you noticed about your hopefulness?

What do you notice about its intensity?

What do you notice about your negative self-judgments?

We spend so much time trying to avoid our feelings, but when we do that, we can never process them and then get to the other side. Luckily, there's another way. You can witness them.

Witnessing them means you have distance and you're noticing yourself. Instead of feeling inside the chaos of something that you're experiencing... (when you're inside your feelings, you're in panic mode, and you're scrambling to get yourself back in control, and you're not as conscientious in your choice of coping strategies). However, when you witness yourself from outside of your feelings, you can feel your feelings fully and watch them. In watching them, everything changes because your monkey mind is not going, "Oh my gosh! We have to fix this! Oh my gosh! What's this? What's this? And then, we have to do this! And then, we have to do this! So, what if this happens? What if this happens? What if this happens?"

When you're observing, you have distance. You're away from the chaos, looking at it from the outside. You are less in your mind and more in your body. That's why the monkey has very little control. It's not trying to figure it out. You're observing, noticing, and discerning, which is distinctly different from the monkey overthinking (and that makes all the difference).

Now that you're done with Chapter 1, when we demystified anxiety and learned what it is and where it came from, is there more space in your life to breathe?... to think?...to plan?...to look forward to things? What connections have you made since you started this journey? What activities are you reclaiming and bringing back into your life now that you've gotten rid of anxiety?

Anxiety wants you to isolate yourself because when you're isolated, you are more vulnerable. When you're isolated, the negativity in your head gets a life of its own. When you're with other people, you get out of your head. It doesn't start to spiral, making you feel worse and worse and worse. Either you're focused on somebody else's problems, you're focused on the task at hand, or someone's reminding you that you're blowing things out of proportion––not in a way that they're judging you––but they're just saying, "Oh, I feel like that too!" And you don't feel so crazy.

When you're with other people, the negativity in your head doesn't have the same kind of power. You're distracted, having something else for your brain to do. You also realize that you're just like everyone else, and you don't feel so different. Anxiety wants you to think that you're different because that feels out of control. It makes you feel less then. It makes you not trust yourself.

Anxiety needs you not to trust yourself. Enter Chapter 2.

In Chapter 2, we will continue to deconstruct anxiety. In Chapter 1, you learn where it came from, and now, you'll understand its tricks and tactics. Let me tell you the background of this and how I discovered that anxiety is a liar. The therapeutic approach that I use in my practice is called Narrative Therapy. It was developed by Michael White and David Epston. Narrative Therapy is a potent and transformative therapeutic modality. If you're working with a therapist who does narrative therapy, you may not even know that's what they're doing because it just seems like the therapist is curious and asking you questions.

Well, that is what's happening. The therapist is curious, and they are asking you questions because it's talk therapy. However, they are specific questions leading you on a map, from what is "known and familiar" to what is "possible to know." What is known and familiar about your problems is how you see them, how you experience them, and what meaning you have given them. What's possible to know is how else you can see yourself despite them. Studying narrative therapy is how I learned to take power down from anxiety and give it back to you.

When I was working with people with anxiety, I would create documents. On a piece of paper, I'd put two columns. On one side, I'd write all the tricks and tactics of anxiety; on the other, I'd list the person's skills and knowledges. (I learned this technique from David Epston.)

When I was listing the tricks and tactics of anxiety, I included the things that anxiety says to get you to believe it. Also, what anxiety tells you that could go wrong, what anxiety tells about the worst case scenario, how it makes you question everything, and gives you doubts about things going okay. All of these and more will be listed. I am essentially composing an expose on anxiety. We're exposing anxiety for what it's doing to you, calling it out. The therapist is like an investigative reporter trying to discover how anxiety messes with your life.

This exercise deconstructs it. It makes the tricks and tactics visible. When they're visible on a list like that, they seem ridiculous, and you can see how they're not true.

As I was writing the tricks and tactics of anxiety, or the tricks and tactics of nervousness, or what the worries were up to, I began to notice that they told people things––the nervousness, the anxiety, the worries, whatever the person had––it told them things that were untrue.

Once we started the column of the person's skills and knowledges, we'd commonly be able to add that they knew the anxious thoughts were not true. I began to realize that the most significant tactic of anxiety was lying. It lies about you; it lies about what could happen and what you could handle. It lies about everything! That was its tactic, to lie!

As I made these documents, I also noticed that anxiety used similar lies for many clients. People might experience anxiety in different ways; however, it uses the same mechanisms to get you.

In my first book, called You 1, Anxiety 0 (meaning that you win the game), I use the metaphor of a game in order to call anxiety out as an opponent and to empower the human through their competitive nature. I also use a game metaphor to lighten up people's approach to their anxiety recovery. The game idea provides a bonus of relaxing the person and increasing neuroplasticity, preparing them for a change in beliefs and emotional patterns.

In the book, I outline 15 common lies that anxiety tells that I'll read now. because I think they're really interesting. There are a few more lies in You 1, Anxiety 0, where I list 15 (in Anxiety...I'm So Done with You! there are 7). Here are the 15 lies that anxiety tells, aka the tricks and tactics that anxiety uses on you. (Again, I'm using the word anxiety as a catch-all for all of these different things that we experience that work on us the same way.) Anxiety:

Says I protect you
Uses black-and-white thinking
Evasively threatens, "It'll be awful."
Insists, "This is real!" or "This is important!"
Convinces you that you are going crazy
Discourages you by saying, "Why bother? There there's no point."
Makes you forget what you know
Scares you
Terrorizes you when you are most vulnerable.
Tells you that you are untrustworthy
Cuts you down
Tries to confuse
Disguises itself
Does not want you to talk about it
Tells you you can't handle it

If you want to go deeper or hear more stories to help illustrate these, or if you know an adult who needs this information and they don't want to read Anxiety...I'm So Done with You!, You 1, Anxiety 0 is available. The link is below in the show notes. Again, it's called You 1, Anxiety 0! Win Your Life Back from Fear and Panic.

Let's get into Section 1. The lie that we're talking about in this section is "You have to know what's wrong!" People think that in order to figure out what to do about a problem, you have to figure out what is wrong. This comes from a systems metaphor. A long time ago, someone presented a theory of our body as a system. It is a medical model which follows the logic, finds out what's wrong, and then fix it so that the system can plow full steam ahead.

Theorists thought it might be prudent to look at your mental health the same way. A person is going along in life when something goes wrong. So a professional expert has to find out what the problem is, fix it, and then the system can continue as it was going before. That's the metaphor. This metaphor doesn't necessarily track with mental health, but it's been ingrained in us anyway.

This idea makes us––or encourages the monkey––to figure out what's wrong so it could save our lives. This, "trying to figure out what's wrong" is a major distraction. You're thinking, "Why am I like this? Why is it me? Why am I different than other people? What's wrong with me?"

Let me tell you: There's nothing for you here. It just takes you down the rabbit hole of trying to figure things out and making things up that are negative about yourself. It also perpetuates the following eternal conflict: I can't help it because it's an anxiety disorder; there's something wrong with my brain. Versus that individualistic idea, I should be taking care of myself. If something's wrong with me, it's my responsibility, and we have to fix it.

The idea that we must figure out what is wrong with us encourages labeling. Labels are damaging. They are definitive. Definitive means there's only one way. There's no flexibility and no changeability in something definitive because it's definitive. It's done. It's a conclusion. When something's done, there are two problems: one is that there's no hope, and two is that you have negative identity conclusions, which means you make negative conclusions about your identity.

That means you take it in you––"internalizing" it. You think it's you, "I'm wrong," "I'm a loser," "I'm damaged."

You're not a loser, you are not damaged, and you are not a problem. The problem is the problem. You are a person experiencing a problem. When you see it that way, the problem name is a description of what you're feeling. When I use words like anxiety and depression, I'm using them as a description of what you're experiencing. Not as a label on you. That's why the titles in my two books You 1, Anxiety 0, and Anxiety...I'm So Done with You! both personify anxiety.

I titled them that way on purpose so that it would be therapeutic to read the titles. I'm taking anxiety outside of your identity and giving it its own identity. We call this externalizing. That way, you could see it outside of your identity and relate to it differently. This way of thinking disempowers anxiety, giving the power back to you. It's significant because anxiety hides behind you and wants you to think that it's you saying those things. It wants you to think that you are helping or protecting yourself instead of knowing that it is anxiety trying to mess up your life.

This week a new client told me that they were in a rut. That was their way of describing their experience, "I'm in a rut." He brought a metaphor to the conversation. The metaphor is an idea, whereas "a truth" is rigid, limited, and unhelpful. (I am adding quotes to the word truth because it isn't the truth. I'm using it to mean a limiting belief that someone believes is true, like, "I'm messed up" or "I can't.")

Metaphors are limitless. They can be developed, changed, and expanded. Truths are definitive: unchangeable and un-malleable. They feel like there's nothing you can do about them.

But being in a rut is a metaphor. I love metaphors because it helps you understand the big picture. When you think about being in a rut, you can ask questions like:

How did I get into the rut?
What made the rut?
What can I do to my tires to make them less vulnerable to getting into ruts?
How can I switch to a road with fewer ruts?

Metaphors give you a distance from the situation. It's not you messing up your life; it's you trying to figure out how to avoid ruts. Ruts are temporary. This client wanted to avoid labeling what was wrong with him on purpose. He didn't know what it was and didn't want to distract himself trying to figure out what it was. It felt like a rut, so he called it a rut. I love that. Describing a problem instead of labeling it keeps you empowered instead of disempowered.

This is important because anxiety is a liar, using intimidating words to make you feel disempowered. (You're not disempowered, but when you feel that you are, it affects how you enact your power.) It doesn't only hide behind you, but it hides behind these other words and labels. Here are some examples: fear, worry, worrier, worry-wart, nervousness, anxiety, panic, shyness, mental illness, mental health, emotional, stuck, weak, shook, immobilized, irritable, resistant, impatient, interrupt, frustrated, disassociated, obsessed, grieving, and so much more. (I could go on and on and on, in fact, I listed two pages of these in the book.)

Why do you think I'm telling you this list? Why is it important to know that these things are all anxiety? It's not. You don't have to understand these things are anxiety, but it's helpful to know that anxiety is using them as a tactic. These work on you in the same way anxiety works on you. They try to get your attention, make you feel powerless, get you not to trust yourself, make you think they're real, or encourage you to think something's wrong with you. They leave you wondering or not understanding, scrambling to make meaning around them.

Let me pose the question again: Are each/all of these words anxiety? Yes. Remember, all upsetness is the same hormone of adrenaline. All of these things are various ways to describe upsetness. You may feel them differently. There are different heavinesses on your heart because of the meaning you make around them. However, if one of these things is dominant in your life and is around a lot more than it needs to be––if it is at all hurting you or is upsetting you––then you could deconstruct it just like you deconstruct anxiety.

You can use any name that resonates with you but use them as a description of your experience instead of a label. Think of them as relative, not definitive. That way, you can understand them as changeable and consider how they are more or less present in different contexts. You will notice that they come and go––that they have more influence over you sometimes and less power over you other times.

This is an excellent place to mention "diagnoses." Diagnoses come from the medical model I spoke about earlier, touting that the "diagnosis informs the chosen course of medical treatment." In many traditional psychological approaches to mental health treatment, they still think the mental health diagnosis informs the mental health treatment. However, this philosophy has some holes because many evidence-based modalities treat various problems.

As a social worker, the medical model fails to fit with how I see the world and understand people. From the social work, or social justice perspective, the medical model is othering. "Some people are mentally ill, and others are not." (What does that remind you of?)

The medical model enacts supremacy and privilege and invalidates people because it invisibilizes their personal skills and abilities. It fails to account for the context of people's life. Therefore, it ignores the problems of our society that creates those contexts.

It also creates a greater power differential between the practitioner and the patient because the practitioner is seen as an expert. Diagnosing is damaging in the same way as putting negative labels on a person. Social workers see that people have agency and authority. They recognize that people are experts in their own life. While I can give somebody a mental health diagnosis, I don't relish it, and I rarely ever do it.

After 26 years of practice, I've understood that the diagnosis has a purpose: payment. You need a diagnosis to get insurance to pay for the treatment or to qualify for services. Other than to justify payment, there's no practical function of a diagnosis in modern mental health treatment.

Unfortunately, there are ways diagnoses harm you. Once those labels enter our hearts and identities, they make us feel horrible, and it takes a lot of work to undo that meaning-making.

Sometimes people appreciate a diagnosis. They say that "at least I know what I have." In many ways, it's a validation. "I've been struggling and struggling. I've been wondering what was wrong with me, and now that I have the diagnosis, I understand." They feel validated like somebody sees their struggle. Also, when people have a diagnosis, sometimes they feel like, "Now I have something to fight! Now I know what it is; I have something to fight."

That's because it's really distracting to ask, "What is wrong with me? What is wrong with me?" (That's the whole section of this episode: anxiety wants you to get distracted by trying to figure out exactly what is wrong.) Having a diagnosis solves that for you. As such, it makes you feel better, but only temporarily. After a while, it starts to affect how you see yourself. In the long run, it's not at all helpful.

This book presents another way to have that validation and have something to fight. By externalizing anxiety, you know it as relative and changeable. You see that it goes up and down. You know:

it influences your life
its tricks and tactics manipulate you
it lies like heck
it's a big bully

That should give you validation and something to fight while avoiding labeling you as pathological. It doesn't encourage you to construct negative identity conclusions about yourself. Plus, it doesn't affect how you see yourself––actually, that's not true. It affects how you see yourself but in a positive way. There's an old video called, I'm a Mess, which explains this well. Here's the link.

Before I close this episode, there's one more thing that I want to say about mental health diagnoses. They are subjective (opinion), not objective (factual). As much as some people act like they're objective (factual), they are not. You could go to three or four clinicians and get three or four diagnoses. And, if you've ever read the DSM that's the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, you'd think, "Wow, that sounds like me, and that sounds like me, and that sounds like me, and that sounds like me." Plus, ADHD, OCD, anxiety, depression, or borderline looks different in different people. How do you explain that they manifest differently in different people?

Here's the takeaway I want you to have from this episode (and from this section of the book): You are you. And you are so much more amazing than the anxiety wants you to think you are.

Now that we're uncovering all of these lies, the next time anxiety tries to use them on you, you will see them coming a mile away. You're going to think to wait a minute; that's not right. That's something the anxiety is saying. Do I want to believe that or not? Instead of doubting yourself, you're going to be doubting anxiety.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode, chapter 2, Section 1, "You have to know what's wrong!" If one of the 15 lies from You 1, Anxiety 0, sparked your interest; all those lies are covered in my Anxiety-Free Me! Online Anxiety Recovery Program. In this episode, we talked about that bully of anxiety being such a big liar, and we unpacked the lie, "You have to know what's wrong!" that wreaks havoc with your psyche.

I appreciate your subscribing, commenting, and rating me five stars on Apple podcasts. In the next episode, we're going to cover Lie Number 2, "You have to look at me!" Read Chapter 2, Section 2, and I'll meet you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

1:8 Managing Anxiety: Interview with Jude

jodi@jodiaman.com (Jude Aman) — Sat, 21 Jan 2023 06:40:00 +0000

There are many ways to manage anxiety. Some are helpful, others are okay in some contexts, and some are detrimental to you and the people around you. Listen to this interview with my 20-year-old nephew, Jude, to learn the various ways he has been managing anxiety, from when he was very young, during a few years of drug use, and now, through meditation and creativity. You’ll learn:

The importance of community and belonging
Various paths to get to the top of the mountain
Daily practices that sustain well-being
How diet can affect anxiety
How some escapes are good escapes

To know Jude is to love him, and I am thrilled to inspire you with his wise words. Have a listen!

"When I experience anxiety, it's this train that doesn't stop. I go from one thought to the next. And there's a degree of rumination in there for me. I think about something over and over. But it's not something logical, so there's no way to stop it logically. It runs away."

-Jude Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

Remember, you can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Jude's own Facebook post from his anniversary:

Social media is both a blessing and a curse – how beautiful that we are able to connect with each other so instantaneously, to share our thoughts and feelings? And yet, how honestly are we choosing to present them? I’m aware of this as I celebrate an important day in my life – a year sober from drugs and alcohol.

A year ago, I jumped from the second story of my house onto my neighbors’ driveway, fracturing both of my arms, and three bones in my face. I share this to help disarm (haha) what I think is so dangerous about social media – presenting only the parts of yourself which you want others to see; I spent a great portion of my life avoiding being seen – making efforts to avoid being known as I saw myself.

I have made mistakes, and I will continue to make mistakes.

That is the nature of being human. But no longer do I care to hide them. Life is too short to spend time worrying about how others view you, something that I often used drugs to try and escape. Coming to terms with the things that make you uncomfortable – jumping into the lake on a cold windy day because that’s what you are asked to do – that is what has made me proud to be where I am today.

This didn’t happen by my will alone. The support that I’ve received from family and friends has been the most important part of moving forward. They have allowed an environment of love and care to fill me up. It is one, I can recognize, that not everyone is so lucky to have. I would be remiss if I did not thank in particular, my mom and dad, who both helped me to find my way. Additionally, in working with Robert Veeder, I have been able to explore what life is all about (abetterhigh.org).

The loneliness that can feed any kind of mental illness is something that we should all be acutely aware of. Being able to join communities that I can identify with has been an eye-opening experience for me. And one that has transformed both how I view myself, and the world around me.

Please feel free to message me if you have any questions or want to know more about the recovery community or what that has been like for me.

I wish you all a happy 2023.

Peace & Love

Jude Aman

Transcription of Episode

Jodi: Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is "Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!" I am so excited about this podcast. It's an accompaniment to my book by the same name, "Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!" It's a teen's guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness because that is what we're going to do in the series: We're ditching that freaking toxic stress and hardwiring your brain to generate happiness every day.

This is what you do: You read or listen to a section of the book. Then come on over here and listen to an episode where we're going to go a little bit deeper, give more examples, and tell more stories. I want to provide you with everything you need to be sure that you find your way out of this horrible anxiety cycle so that you no longer have to suffer. Please leave me a five-star review on Apple podcasts. That'll help me get in the ears of more people who need this series. Mental health problems are skyrocketing, especially among teenagers, and this series will change the tide.

Jodi: Welcome to this episode. We have a special treat for you today. This is my nephew Jude.

Jude: Hello

Jodi: I'm going to interview Jude because he's a great representative of Generation Z. We're talking in this season about

where anxiety comes from
why we have it so much
what's going on for us biologically, culturally, and emotionally,

and all the things in this season. It'd be great to hear a story from someone who could relate to what's happening. Jude might ask me some questions, but mostly, I'll ask Jude some questions. So let's get started. anxiety is different for everybody. Everybody has different feelings about it. It works on us all in similar ways, but we think about it differently. We experience it differently. We're upset or afraid of different things. Please give us an introduction to your experience with anxiety.

Noticing Anxiety as Unconditional Worry

Jude: I started to notice my anxiety and name it "anxiety," probably around 16 or 17 years old. But as I look back, I can recognize it from the time I was four or five. I have distinct memories of how I perceive anxiety, right? It's kind of like this "unconditional worry." One of the ways that I remember that expressing most frequently was when I was in the car. I can remember being very aware of the speed limit and if my mom or dad were driving five or ten miles over, it would really freak me out. I would get really worried. When I looked back that was one of my main introductions to how I understood anxiety.

Jodi: So can I ask you about that unconditional worry? I love that description. It isn't a description I have heard before. I appreciate how people have their experience and their own way of describing things. Because, rather than a diagnosis or a mental illness, it's like a description of what someone is going through.

Jude: Right.

Jodi: Say more about how you came up with the unconditional worry.

Jude: Well I think that's really what happens when I experience anxiety. It's this train that doesn't stop. I just kind of go from one thing to the next and there's a degree of rumination in there for me. I’m thinking about it over and over again but it's not something logical. There's no way for me to stop it. Logically, it’s run away.

Jodi: So the unconditional is mostly like lack of logic?

Jude: Yes, like it didn't have to be anxiety. There were no conditions that caused it. It just is there.

Jodi: I get it, cool. Alright, when you were 16 and 17 you said it became a little bit different - tell us about that.

The Relationship with Anxiety

Jude: My relationship with anxiety changed in large part because I started to do therapy. And so, I could name and explore anxiety in a more concrete way as it applied to myself. Part of that work was also looking back at my younger life and understanding it. It took me a while to realize how present it's been throughout my life. One characteristic of anxiety for myself is how I hold my stomach. It's like, I can't relax my stomach and so as a child, I had like pretty defined abs just because I was always just keeping my stomach in. Which is kind of funny, but also an interesting way that anxiety expressed itself physically for me.

Jodi: It speaks of that tension and maybe a layer of protection? Protecting your soft belly by…

Jude: Absolutely. Yeah, that's always been a place where I felt anxiety. I think it is in my upper chest as well. That's where I feel it bloom. There's an energy to it in my chest. I can feel it and describe it as a kind of this tightness. Whereas the anxiety that expressed in my lower stomach was more like a symptom of the anxiety. I feel anxiety in my stomach or in my upper chest.

Jodi: You're saying that you feel like your stomach's squeezing is a response?

Jude: Yes to that feeling––that blooming in the chest. And also, I think that tenseness is not something that's located just in my stomach. I can remember always just being very high-strung as a child. Like my shoulder blades were always really far up and I would have trouble relaxing. I started to become aware of it in 9th or 10th grade. I was aware of how much I tensed up and I would have to relax myself. I remember being surprised at how much further my arms went down my body when I would do that. It's funny how for a long time something is just ingrained in you. But I mean that's just what I knew, I knew myself being very tense and high-strung. Then, I started putting work behind it, and it changed.

Jodi: What you're describing is you becoming aware of yourself. In 9th or 10th grade and then in therapy at 16 or 17 years old you were beginning to witness yourself.

Jude: Yeah

Jodi: Can you tell us that process of how you started to become an observer of yourself? If that's interesting. It's interesting to me because I know how that affects people so I'm curious how it’s affected you.

Jude: When I think of becoming an observer of myself, I think about meta-cognition, which is like the ability to be present to your own thoughts. This isn't really scientific, but how I think about it: It’s like this insight into how I behave and what I do. I started to come into situations where I was aware of my thought process as it was developing. It’s the ability to look at the process of my thoughts as they came. It changed the way that I was able to think about them [my thoughts]. It's something that I did with professional help. Perhaps, I could have done alone but it I had help.

Jodi: How did it change how you thought about your thoughts?

Jude: Until very recently, I still hadn't mastered the idea, "I am not my thoughts.” Once I did it was really powerful for me, especially in my recovery from drugs and alcohol. Like with cravings. One of the ways that I've been able to approach cravings now is by understanding that what I'm thinking, doesn’t define who I am. And so being able to differentiate those two things has been really important. I still don't think I really answered your question though.

Jodi: That's okay. That's brilliant, brilliant information. So you're, you're beginning or you referred to your struggles with drugs and alcohol. Do you want to introduce us to that story?

Jude: Let’s see…mostly it was with drugs… my primary drugs of use were marijuana (cannabis) and LSD.

Jodi: When did that start?

Jude: That started at the beginning of quarantine. I had smoked weed before then but I started using it on a daily basis was at the start of quarantine.

Jodi: Can you tell us how old you are now?

Jude: I'm 20.

Jodi: So in the beginning of quarantine, we all know what that means.

Jude: Yes. I had been finding outlets for myself before. Then I was involved in school, a lot of extracurriculars, like track, and I was part of student government. I was also in charge of the yearbook and ran the business club. So, I was very heavily involved after school and that was good for me. I have a pretty busy mind so being able to put it to work was a really great thing for me. But when things started to shut down, I really struggled. An easy outlet for me, in terms of redirecting my mind's attention, was smoking weed. It was a way to spend my time. It filled the hours.

Anxiety-free me Program

One thing that happens a lot in recovery is this wholesale demonization of someone's time in addiction, [but I don’t want to do that.] There's a reason that I kept going back. It was fulfilling something for me and that's an important thing to remember. It was this “creative outlet” for myself. I would spend most of the time listening to music and it changed the chemistry in my brain in such a way that it allowed me to really listen. Now, in my sobriety, what I've realized is that's not something exclusive to drugs. There's this great analogy about meditation where the state of mind that you reach in meditation is compared to one you can have with psychedelics. The analogy is that one person climbs to the top of the mountain, and the other flies to the top in a helicopter. They both get to the same destination and see the same beautiful view but the way they got there is just so different. The mountain climber wouldn't say the helicopter arriver a mountain climber, right? They see the same vantage point, the same beauty, but he didn't put in the work to get there and so it always disappeared. What I've found in my recovery is a more sustainable way [to stay at the vantage point] through meditation and intentional living.

Jodi: What else do you want to tell us about your journey through drugs? (And then, we'll get to your sobriety.)

Jude: My journey through drugs… let's see. So it started when I was at the beginning of quarantine and then kind of progressed. I reached a point where I was doing acid at least once a month. And, there was probably a three or four-month period where I was doing it, if not every other week, then every week. Which was kind of weird––it’s like going through life in kind of a dreamlike state––especially at that age. It's ordinarily an age of transformation where you come into yourself. So, to have so much of that time period taken up by psychedelic experiences was weird. If I look at how I am now, there's just so much that's the same from before that period in my life. So it's kind of like this weird period for like three years where I was really lost. A lot of my curiosity for life was expressed differently.

Jodi: How did it affect your life or your relationships? Your school? Your anxiety.

See the rest of the transcription at https://jodiaman.com/blog/managing-anxiety/

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

1:7 The Dang Mental Health Stigma

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 21 Jan 2023 06:35:00 +0000

This episode goes with Chapter 1, Section 7 of Anxiety...I’m So Done with You! In this episode, I address mental health stigma in an attempt to decrease its effects on you, especially since it might be stopping you from getting help. I will talk about the following:

Why stigma over mental health problems exists
The problem of self-stigmatizing
Why you defend your "differences"
Why you deserve to get help

We all need to work together to dismantle stigma! I share my recommendation on how to eliminate mental health stigma in this episode.

Stigma makes us wait to get help. It’s a feeling of being a failure and a burden of shame for being different. If we were collectively able to normalize our mental health problems, stigma would undoubtedly decrease. Instead of thinking that some people have mental health problems and others don’t, it is helpful to understand that problems come from the context of our lives rather than an illness inside of us.

Understanding stigma and what sustains it will help you to learn ways to decrease it. Don’t let the shame of feeling weak because you have anxiety or depression stop you from getting the help you need and deserve. There are many tools for overcoming anxiety and depression. Medicine is one of the available tools. Counseling is another. Get some tips on how to make those decisions for yourself in the blog post that goes with this episode.

“Don't defend that you can't. The more you defend that you can't, the more you won't be able to. Remember that Henry Ford quote. "If you think you can or think you can't, you're right." If you constantly defend to people or defend to yourself that you can't do something, you will keep that limitation on your ability.” - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

Remember, you can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcript

Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is "Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!"

I am so excited about this podcast. It accompanies my book by the same name, "Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!" It's a teen's guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness, because that is what we're going to do in the series: We're ditching that freaking toxic stress and hardwiring your brain to generate happiness every day.

Welcome to Chapter 1, Section 7: That Dang Stigma.

We are finally at the end of this chapter, where we went over so many different things to help you understand the context of anxiety and depression and anger, and any other emotional issues that might be coming up for you.

In this episode, we're finally going to address this thing called stigma. You probably know what stigma is because you've read about it all over the place and everybody's talking about it on social media, trying to decrease the stigma of mental health problems. Stigma affects you because it is hard to escape, if not explicitly, then implicitly. We are talking about stigma because it is really important to stop it because, among other things that make us feel horrible, stigma prevents us from getting help.

Research says that people wait an average of 11 years to get help. There are other reasons for that, but stigma is significant. People stay suffering because they're afraid to get help, often because they think they got themself into this, so they should be able to get themself out of it.

Those same colonizing ideas, the high expectations, that we discussed in the last episode. You remember those high expectations that we have in this culture, about you being able to handle everything by yourself, get yourself out of all the messes, and cure yourself of everything. It's ridiculous.

Stigma, if you don't know, is defined as "a mark of disgrace." It's shame. You could experience stigma or judgment from other people or yourself. That's you giving yourself shame for what you experienced. Many practitioners use the metaphor of diabetes to help people relieve their stigma, at least the self-stigma. As I explained in this section, there is not only no truth to that metaphor but it is totally unhelpful. They want you to think that this problem is not your fault, that it's something that your body is doing.

However, when you think about your body doing this, and it's not the regular way a body's supposed to do things, then you think of yourself as "different," and this actually increases our stigma. We think that we're different, we think that we can't, we think we have a problem, we don't understand why, and it makes us feel worse. It makes us feel like we don't belong to "regular people." Well, there is no normal, and there are no regular people. Everybody is different, and everybody has their things. But when you're suffering inside your mind, that negativity towards yourself is so huge, and you just feel different. It's devastating.

I argue that it would decrease our stigma a lot more if we normalized our mental health problems.

Suppose we see those problems come out of the contexts of our lives. We all experience contexts. We're all in this world, and things happen. Bad things happen, some good things happen, and some benign things happen. Even when things don't happen to us, we witness bad things happening or read about bad things happening. We hear our friends talk about bad things happening to them. These all create a context of heaviness, worry, toxic stress, and feeling like we're out of control. We have a ripe context in this culture for mental health problems. That acknowledgment that we're regular, humans having appropriate responses to our modern world would decrease the stigma more than anything else.

You've probably noticed that many mental health advocates online or many people struggling with mental health issues are speaking about their experience online. It's helping people be more open and honest with how they feel and is taking down some stigma. But part of what is happening is people are defending that they're different. In some ways, it's beautiful. We're all unique, and we're all different. It's great to celebrate our differences and acknowledge our differences. Still, if you think there's us versus them, there are "regular people," and then "people with OCD," or there are "regular people" and then "people with anxiety," it affects how you see yourself. You see yourself as unable to do anything about that problem. Even if you don't cognitively believe it, somewhere in that belief that you are different is implied that you're unable to get better. This, hurts you and I don't want it to hurt you anymore.

One of my favorite quotes by Richard Bach is short, sweet, and to the point. It goes like this," Argue your limitations, and you get to keep them." This means when you defend that your deficits and inadequacies are real and awful, the more meaning you give them and the more intense you feel and attach to them.

It doesn't mean denying them and invalidating the efforts you have to put forth because of them. Don't defend that you can't. The more you defend that you can't, the more you won't be able to. Remember that Henry Ford quote. "If you think you can or think you can't, you're right." If you constantly defend to people or defend to yourself that you can't do something, you will keep that limitation on your ability.

I suggest decreasing the mental health stigma by addressing why people defend their differences in the first place. They do this because they're working really hard. People struggling with any kind of emotional problems, which is almost everybody, work really hard to do everything they do. They must overcome immobilization, lack of motivation, exhaustion, self-doubt, depression, and panic to do what they do.

It's a miracle to get out of bed sometimes. It's a miracle to do work. When it is hard to do things, doing anything is a miracle. The problem is that this effort is invisiblized by a culture that assumes we should be able to do more than we can.

Listen, you are amazing. However, you are probably not giving yourself any credit for that effort. But I'm sure you feel how much you are effort-ing.

When you're in that place, and you see everyone else happy and think that they don't have to make that same effort that you do, it makes you feel horrible about yourself. You are working hard, and it feels like no one else has to, and no one sees it. This is a lonely and discouraging place to be, and it also makes you feel unloved and wants to isolate yourself. Remember worrying if we are worthy of love is our most basic fear.

In order to be seen and seen as worthy, we desire that people see our efforts, and in order to know if they see them, they need to acknowledge those efforts.

So what I think is: the most successful at decreasing the stigma is for us to start acknowledging each other's efforts, start acknowledging each other's worth as human beings. Wouldn't that be wonderful? If you think about the world and think about all the things that hurt us are things that devalue us, which means anything that re-values us or gives us value helps us heal. This is important knowledge to have as you walk around the world in your human body and relate to anyone around you. Everybody you see has been hurt by somebody or has had lots of people devaluing them.

What do you want to do about that?

What can you do about that?

For one, you can walk through this life committed to acknowledging the value of the people around you. Can you imagine what kind of impact that would make? When we acknowledge their ideas, we acknowledge that there are skills that they have and that there is effort that they are making. Not only are we helping them notice the things they're doing, but we're also lifting them up, helping them sustain those things, and healing their hearts.

Okay, let's talk about medication. If you're struggling with anxiety or depression and you want to know whether to take medication or not, I wrote a blog post, and I linked to it in the blog post that goes along with this episode. The link to that is in the show notes. In it, I share with you a process for deciding if you want to take medication. I'm bringing up your decision whether to take medicine or not in this section of the book because we have to separate it from those pharmaceutical marketing tactics. The marketing wants you to think that you're different, that you need their medicine because you are different, that there is something pathological in your brain, a chemical imbalance, and that you need their medicine. These marketing messages are still around. My clients have recently told me that even recently, their practitioners, doctors, other therapists, and psychiatrists have said to them that they "need medicine like diabetics need insulin."

This metaphor comes from old marketing messages that have long since been debunked, but practitioners are still telling their patients this. Their intention is so good. They really want you to feel better about what's going on. They know that guilt and shame about feeling these problems have plagued you and may keep you from getting the help you need to feel better. They are trying to relieve you of that guilt and shame, which is good. I applaud them for doing this because I want you to be rid of this guilt and shame. You don't deserve to have guilt and shame about this because these feelings come out of a contexts.

They are absolutely understandable because of what you're living through. If you went through this and didn't have feelings, that would be weird. I get it. I understand why you're feeling that way, and I want you to understand too. When you understand yourself, you'll have compassion for yourself, and it will help you feel better.

This is what to know about medicine. Medicine is a tool. It's a tool that could be incredibly helpful, and it's a tool that saves lives. That doesn't mean you either "need" medicine or you "don't need" medicine––that gives the monkey something to try to figure out.

Do I need it?

Do I not need it?

How do I know if I need it?

There are no answers to those questions. There is no truth about need. Instead, think about it this way. Medicine has benefits, and it has risks. When you decide to use medicine, you're choosing to gain the benefits despite any risks.

Luckily, in general, with antidepressants, there are very few risks. Since anti-depressives have been around for a long time, there has been lots of research to confirm the low risks. I've listed those risks for you in the book and blog post that goes along with this episode. Other resources in the blog post for this episode are some alternative tips if you don't want to take medicine if it doesn't work for you or if you have side effects so can't take it; I listed some things that you can do to help yourself feel better.

What I was hoping you could take away most from this episode is not to let stigma get in your way of getting better. No matter what you feel, it's understandable. No matter what you feel, if you're not happy or struggling, you deserve to get some help, and it is okay for you to get help. If you have some people in your life that don't understand what you're going through, I also have videos and blog posts that you could give your family members to help explain what you're going through. Then, all you have to worry about is the stigma you're holding against yourself. You need to let that go. That negative self-judgment? You know from this chapter that it is never helpful. Self-stigma is negative self-judgment. It keeps your anxiety, it keeps your depression, it makes it worse, and it balloons it. Remember the globs of self-judgment? They make it bigger and bigger and more complicated to handle, which makes the stigma more and the anxiety more, and then the stigma more and the anxiety more.

Do you see how that spiral works? Let's undo it. Let's start the spiral the other way and have compassion for ourselves. First and foremost, you want to have compassion for yourself, and you want to start to acknowledge yourself for all the effort that you're making. You are amazing for making all that effort. It is nothing short of a miracle, and I am so proud of you. You will reap so many benefits from doing what you're doing. Please keep it up. You are amazing, you are amazing, you are amazing. I know the anxiety is telling you the opposite, and that's why I'm repeating the truth. You are so much more than your anxiety tells you that you are.

I've had so much fun explaining everything I wanted you to have in this first chapter, and wow, I could keep going. I'm Italian American, and I could talk forever, but I tried to keep these short so that they're digestible. Just a little information, and then you could go out in the world and let it process, let it go deep into your body, into your beliefs because there's a lot of beliefs in there that we need to change.

Because of all the discourses and the stories and the expectations and the high standards of our culture, these beliefs, which were just ideas, are now constructed to be absolute truths in your mind. That's what we're going to address in chapter two, all of these things that anxiety says is true but are lies. Chapter 2 is "I'm Done with Your Lies."

Thank you so much for listening to "Anxiety... I'm So Done with You!" with me, Jodi Aman. In this episode, we covered That Dang Stigma. We talked about everything about medicine and mental health treatment, why the stigma's there, and how to get rid of it. I appreciate all the subscribers and the five-star reviews on Apple Podcasts. It will help this podcast get into the ears of people who need it. Next, read Chapter 2, Section 1, and I'll meet you in the next episode.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

1:6 Your Basic Three Fears and What is Underneath Them

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 21 Jan 2023 06:30:00 +0000

This episode goes with Chapter 1, Section 6 of Anxiety...I’m So Done with You! In it, I talk about how our problems are grounded in three basic fears. You’ll learn:

What those three basic fears are
How they are related to each other
How fears affect your mental health
Why humans desperately want to belong

The three basic fears are beneath all concerns and anxieties we have. I show you how they appear and why, so you can understand why we’re dealing with such anxiety.

The ultimate basic fear is that you’re not loved or not worthy. That fear makes you afraid of rejection and failure. It’s what drives the comparison culture we all find ourselves in. We’re always trying to be the best, to be smart enough or rich enough, to be cool enough. But enough is undefinable, and so, unreachable.

Understanding how to unpack things that upset you is something I walk you through in this episode. Once you understand the root cause of your upsetness, you’ll understand how the Western standards of perfection are plaguing us.

“It is essential to understand that you don’t have to do anything alone, and you can take care of yourself at the same time. It is not selfish to take care of yourself. In fact, taking care of yourself is taking care of your family and your community. You are not separate from them. Whatever you do for somebody else, you do for yourself, and whatever you do for yourself, you do for somebody else.” - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

Remember, you can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcript

Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is "Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!"

I am so excited about this podcast. It accompanies my book by the same name, "Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!" It's a teen's guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness because that is what we're going to do in the series: We're ditching that freaking toxic stress and hardwiring your brain to generate happiness every day.

Welcome to this episode. We're talking about Chapter 1, Section 6: The Basic Fears. As you've read in this section, there are three basic fears. They are the fear of being trapped, rejection, and failure. These are fears that are underneath all of our problems. That might sound weird. Or, it might have surprised you. Hopefully, I explained in this section how these three basic fears are related. The way they're related is that underneath each of them is the ultimate basic fear: fear that you're not worthy or unloved. This is really important for us as humans because we are social beings. Humans want to belong. If we get any sense that we are unworthy of that belonging, it is devastating to our psyche.

All of our problematic interactions, all of our lost opportunities, all of our struggles, all of our nervousness, all of it, if you unpack it, and you unpack it, it is related to these basic fears and to this ultimate basic fear:The fear of being unloved or unworthy.

That makes sense! We always look at memes on social media to remind ourselves that we are worthy. It's acknowledging that we all relate to these memes because we all feel the same sense of inadequacy. Unfortunately, it is a pervasive feeling in our culture to feel unworthy. It impacts all of us, whether it is conscious or unconscious.

I read this book once, which talks about humans having a shabby self-esteem. And that made me feel so understood. You are not the only one who has a shabby self-esteem. Our self-esteem is negatively impacted by Western culture. In fact, it comes from colonizing culture with all of these high expectations to be good-enough, smart-enough, rich-enough, light-enough, perfect-enough, cool-enough, and kind-enough (Everything has to be "exactly perfect enough"!). But those expectations are completely unrealistic, and you can't achieve them even if you try.

We attach to high expectations in an attempt to prevent us from feeling inferior to others. Unfortunately, they often pressure you to act superior to others WHILE they make you feel inferior, worthless, and inadequate anyway. Also, we don't know how to define or measure these expectations. We don't know how high you have to be to meet them, so we overshoot to ensure we succeed. This is the extent humans are driven to belong. We are attached to belonging because as our brains and psyches developed for millions of years in early humanity, we needed community, or else, we would die out there. We needed to belong! Many times over those millions of years, you'd be rejected by the whole group if one person rejected you. But in modern times, we could be rejected by one person, and we still belong and have other people that are kind to us or nice to us. However, inside us, in our brains, we still have that reaction as if we will die if we're kicked out of the group. I hope you can relate to these basic fears and recognize examples of them in your own life.

We're going to do an exercise together, which is the exercise at the end of this section of the book. I want to do it together to illustrate how it could help you. In the world of business, this is called a Root Cause Analysis. You use it when trying to uncover and figure out a problem where you unpack it to see what caused it.

For this exercise, think of a story that has upset you. Try to think of something recent or get something that's not that too severe to start this process. When you're trying a new practice, I recommend beginning with something less intense or low-stakes. It'll help to get some proficiency before using the exercise with something more complex. That is a mistake that so many people make: They don't try a skill until they're really upset and desperate and then say, 'It doesn't work!' It would be best if you practiced it when you're calm to hone that skill. Then, when you're upset, you already have it integrated. Back to the exercise: think of a current or recent story that has upset you and bring it to your mind's eye. I'm going to be quiet for a moment so you can bring it into your consciousness.

Start the unpacking by asking yourself why it bothers you:

Why were you upset?

Once you've uncovered what bothered you, ask yourself:

What bothered you about that?

Then you could ask yourself:

What bothered you about that?

And with each thing you uncover, ask yourself:

What is it that bothered me about that?

until you come to the root of the fear or the root of the problem.

You may be wondering: Are all problems fear? At the very, very base of them, yes, they are. At the very core of all of our problems, everything that's going on in our life that upsets us, at the very base, we are upset that something precious to us has been lost or threatened. Let me say that again. At the very base of all of our problems, we are upset that there's something that is precious to us, something important to us, something we give value to, has been lost or threatened. So for grieving something, obviously something that we loved is lost. More examples are being afraid you'll lose something or having someone invalidate something precious to you.

You can see in these examples how all upsetness is a threat or a loss of something that is precious to you. Being trapped is a loss of freedom, loss of autonomy, loss ability, and loss of control. Rejection is evident. Somebody rejects you or makes you feel like you're unworthy. What's lost is your worth or sense that you're enough. Fear of failure is obvious too. When you fail, you lose the possibility of success.

After you do this process of thinking about your problem and unpacking it, and then unpacking it again, and unpacking it again, and get at your basic fear, then ask yourself what that basic fear says about what is important to you:

What is important to me that was lost or threatened in this problem?

What was devalued?

What was dissed or dismissed?

When unpacking problems, you can find and bring to the light that thing that is precious to you, that you did not want to be threatened, devalued, or lost. Once you know what it is, you can do something about it. You could validate it, lift it up, or reconnect to it. You're probably thinking: What do you do if you lose something or someone? How do you reconnect to it? You could reconnect to their influence on your life, their impact on who you are, and what they have meant to you. Or you could honor them by paying it forward, thus re-claim their meaning and value by inspiring or helping others.

Okay, back to the Western standards that influence our unrealistic expectations about ourselves. These western standards of being good enough or perfect or in control? They are plaguing our hearts and our souls. When they are unconscious, they have more power in our lives. They lie to you about yourself and hurt you. They have hurt people all around the world because they are the mechanism that gets people to colonize other people by trying to hold them up to some standards of, quote, "being civilized or independent or individualistic."

Another way to see it is if you had a childhood bully who always told you how terrible and stupid you were. After having an experience like that, even when they're a long time out of your life, you pick up the torch and tell yourself the same mean things as if the bully is still there, but you're the bully. As for the expectations, we think it's society telling us what we have to do, but we're picking up the torch and putting that pressure on our own selves that doesn't match what our hearts and souls want.

However, when we make them visible and know what they are and how they affect us, we can make conscious decisions to decrease their influence on us, our lives, and our relationships. That is how we decolonize our minds.

It is the same way we need to decolonize our communities. We decolonize our communities by fighting against inequity, discrimination, racism, or oppression that makes people feel less than they are. Decolonizing the mind means letting go of those high expectations and knowing that relationships are how we thrive.

It is essential to understand that you don't have to do anything alone and you can take care of yourself at the same time. It is not selfish to take care of yourself. In fact, taking care of yourself is taking care of your families and our communities. You are not separate form them. Whatever you do for somebody else, you do for yourself, and whatever you do for yourself, you do for somebody else.

That understanding changes how you relate to guilt and fear. Because while we're talking about the basic fears, we're also talking about guilt and shame. When you really look at these basic fears and the ultimate fear of not being good enough, it's the same as shame and guilt, being afraid that you're not good enough, being ashamed of not being good enough. At the very core, guilt and fear are the same. (And I'm not even going to get started on guilt in this episode because we will have a lot of time to talk about guilt in future episodes. We do need to talk about guilt, though, because, in 26 years of practice, I've witnessed how the guilt––that people feel that they do not even deserve [they don't even begin to deserve most of the guilt that they feel] ––causes more suffering than anything else in their lives.) Guilt is the ultimate fear that you're not good enough. Because that belief is so pervasive and hazardous in our society, we need to decolonize our minds. Then, we need to decolonize our communities. This means taking care of each other, lifting each other up, and understanding "interdependence" as thriving rather than being needy, or inadequate.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode, where you learned about:

The basic fears of rejection, abandonment, and failure
How to decolonize your mind and your communities (for starters, by deconstructing your unrealistic expectations of yourself!)
Writing realistic and expanding goals for yourself that are doable, achievable, connecting, and help you thrive

In the blog post that goes with this episode, I share more resources with you on setting SMART goals. The link is in the show notes. Thanks for subscribing, commenting, and rating me with five stars on Apple Podcasts. In the next episode, we'll be covering that dang stigma. So read Chapter 1, Section 7, and I'll meet you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

1:5 The Heartbreak Triggers - Trauma and Anxiety

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 21 Jan 2023 06:25:00 +0000

This episode follows Chapter 1, Section 5: The Heartbreaking Triggers. In this episode,

We're talking about how trauma triggers your amygdala and how to un-trigger it.
You'll get the script of what to say to your anxiety.
We'll practice the script together so you can feel what it's like, to not be scared of it.
We'll do a little review on how and why anxiety goes away.

I explain where anxiety triggers come from and how you can un-trigger them. Intensely threatening events, called traumas, overwhelm your senses. They spike your adrenaline. They set off your fight or flight response, and they cause you to trigger that response easier the next time. When you identify triggers you no longer need, you can decide to un-trigger them. I’m here to help you do that.

I will give you a script of what to say to your anxiety that acknowledges it, doesn’t fear it, and reclaims your control over your emotions. Then you just repeat this script to override your reptilian brain. This is about you regaining control over your anxiety.

“When you're deciding to consciously do this as an exercise, you'll expect that trigger coming and it won't blindside you. You will have control over the whole situation.” - Dr. Jodi

Resources discussed in this episode:

Remember, you can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcript

You're listening to chapter one, section five, The Heartbreaking Triggers.

I'm trying to jam-pack these episodes with so much good stuff to up-level your life, raising you out of the anxiety, chaos, and the mystery where you will now have a place to stand so you can know and trust yourself, so you can engage in life again, looking forward to things and excited about your future.

In this episode,

We're talking about how trauma triggers your amygdala and how to un-trigger it.
You'll get the script of what to say to your anxiety.
We'll practice the script together so you can feel what it's like, to not be scared of it.
We'll do a little review on how and why anxiety goes away. Y

Are you ready? Let's go!

Intensely threatening events are called traumas. When you experience a trauma, your senses are overwhelmed by feeling like you are in mortal danger. Your adrenaline increases, and besides all the fight-and-flight responses, your brain starts to lay down emotional memory in the amygdala. It also turns off the hippocampus. The hippocampus is the part of your brain that controls motivation and emotions and learning, and contextual memory.

Contextual memory means the story of the memory. This means when you've experienced trauma, emotional memory is laid down in the amygdala, but it's not storied or integrated, or processed. That emotional memory is raw, and when it's triggered, that is why it feels like it's happening right now, as if you're living it again. Even if you're safe, you feel like you're not safe. Anything can trigger this emotional memory, a sound, a clink of a glass, somebody yelling, tomatoes, driving in a car.

In addition, a panic attack is also itself a trauma. It may not compare to big T trauma, but it affects you because when you have a really intense panic attack, your adrenaline causes your amygdala to lay down the emotional memory. If you remotely feel anything like a panic attack again, even if it's slight, your amygdala says, "This is one of those times! We're in danger!" and it releases a ton of adrenaline in your body. That's why panic attacks feed other panic attacks. Plus, they're scary, so you're scared, which also feeds the anxiety.

If you don't know what big T trauma is, it's like the big intense experiences that could happen. You could be in an accident or be abused sexually, emotionally, or physically. You could be racially oppressed, or you could live through war or a natural disaster. While these are intense traumatic experiences, they don't mean that anxiety is a life sentence. It doesn't mean you have to be triggered constantly, and there's nothing you can do about it. Once you identify your triggers, you can decide if it's safe for you to get rid of them. If it is, you can get rid of them.

What do I mean by making sure it's safe to un-trigger it? There are some things that would trigger our amygdala to set off the adrenaline in our body that we want to keep there. It keeps us safe, and some of these things are from our memory, from our ancestral memory, innate in our body, in our DNA, like don't put your hand in a fire. You want to keep that trigger because you don't want to put your hand in a fire. But I had a client once who, tragically, had a grandfather die in a fire. All fire equipment would trigger her amygdala to go off, and she'd start to panic. For example, when she saw a fire extinguisher, a handle to pull down to set off the fire alarm, or even an exit sign, it would trigger her amygdala. This was understandable because of what she experienced, but it hurt her life. Those things aren't dangerous for her, so it was okay for her to un-trigger them.

In this process of un-triggering your amygdala, you're not going to be forcing yourself to do something uncomfortable. That would only increase anxiety. When you feel forced, even if you're forcing yourself, anxiety's going to spike because it feels like you're trapped. You have to think about this differently. I'm inviting you to consciously decide that you want to do something about this. This puts the power role back in you instead of in anxiety, and this switch will make all of the difference to this process.

]

First, you have to identify what triggers you. I was talking to a client last night, and one of her triggers was her father's sigh because it gave her the sense that he was disappointed in her. He'd huff, and every time she heard that, she felt the feeling in her heart. She felt that adrenaline in her body giving her that extra like, "Ooh, this is something that is uncomfortable." This is a perfect thing to pick because it's relatively mild, and cognitively, she knew she was not in imminent physical danger. For her, this was a good, easy place to start.

You have to find something in your life that's a good easy place to start because it's really good to practice this practice with low stakes. Also, when you're deciding to consciously do this as an exercise, you'll expect that trigger to come, and it won't blindside you. You will have control over the whole situation. What it looks like for her is that she expects to be triggered by this huff, and she imagines the huff anticipating that her amygdala is going to set off the adrenaline, and when it does, she uses her mammalian brain to override the amygdala and tell her that it's okay, that everything is okay, and she is physically safe.

So, here's the script: first, you're a witness to the adrenaline, and in the witnessing state, you're not as upset about it. The witnessing state gives you a distance from it. This could also be called zooming out or taking a psychic step back or going above the battlefield. My client called it high on a tower this week. Whatever metaphor works for you, this is about getting yourself away and above this situation. You'll hear me talk about this witnessing state over and over because, as you will see, it is a formidable tactic to get through this life easier.

Okay, back to the script. "Hi, adrenaline, I feel you under my skin. I get why you're here. Okay? Yep. That's exactly what you feel like flowing through my body." This might sound silly initially, but trust me, it'll make a difference. Then, you speak directly to your amygdala. "Thanks, amygdala. If I needed this, it would be great, but I don't need you right now." This is you overriding your reptilian brain with your mammalian brain. "Thanks, amygdala. If I needed you, it would be great, but I don't need you right now." You could see in that script that 1) I'm not afraid of the feeling, nd 2) I'm actually grateful for the sympathetic nervous response. It flips the script. Usually, we're terrified of it and we're running away. But if you said, "This would be great; if I needed you, it'd be great." You're acknowledging and appreciating the process.

This totally changes how you experience it because the meaning that you're making around it is different. And then, you are overriding it, "I don't need you right now. I am physically safe. I don't need you right now." This script has everything you need: to acknowledge it, to not be afraid of it, and for you to reclaim control over your emotions instead of your emotions controlling you. You are overriding your reptilian brain with your mammalian brain. With repetition, every time this trigger sets off your amygdala and you override it, your amygdala is relearning how to relate to this trigger. It's relearning that this trigger is not dangerous.

We got our dog right before 4th of July, and I was really nervous because I had heard a lot of dogs are really afraid of fireworks, so I looked up online what to do to get your dog to not be afraid of fireworks. This was his first day in our home on the 4th of July, and I read that every time the firework goes off, the dog's going to look at you to see if it should be nervous or not. Make sure you're in the room with it when the fireworks are going off, and you act as if nothing happened. When the sound goes off, and the little puppy starts to bark or looks at you and is afraid, you just act like nothing went wrong. Now I have a dog that does not hide under the bed every 4th of July. I'm very grateful for this because we live near the town hall and the beach and there are fireworks several times a year around here. In a sense, I'm treating my amygdala like I treated the puppy. "Everything's okay. You don't need to be scared.”

Back to my client with her father's huff, at first, she would do it gently. She'd try to be present with that huff and allow the adrenaline to come and then override it and repeat it. Imagine it coming. Let the adrenaline come. Override it. With that repetition, before it actually happens in real life, your body is learning a new way to think about that huff. The next step could be having somebody do that huff and her trying to calm herself and stay calm when somebody else does that huff. Let me reiterate that this was somebody who had a safe relationship with her father. This could be totally different if the father was abusive or narcissistic or didn't put her first.

When you're in that kind of situation and a person triggers you because they have been abusive, you don't want to un-trigger the amygdala for that person if you're still around them. First, you want to get away from that situation, get out of that situation, and I understand that sometimes it takes a while to get out of a situation like that. What I don't want you to do is take responsibility by un-triggering your amygdala when somebody is abusing you. That is not only devastating to your psyche, but it could also be quite dangerous for you.

I'm also aware that when your adrenaline goes off, it is very scary, and I'm asking you not to be scared in these situations where you're trying to un-trigger your amygdala. Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it, but you're not faking it. A lot of people who have anxiety try to fake it, so people don't know that they have anxiety, and this doesn't help anxiety too much, right? Because you're holding it in, and you're really scared that somebody's going to find out, and it actually increases your anxiety. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about you are consciously deciding that you don't have to be afraid of this trigger anymore. This is you in the power role doing this experiment. You're prepped for it, you know it's coming, and you're ready to not be afraid of it. That is an easier scenario to fake it until you make it.

This process of un-triggering your amygdala needs repetition, and you could go through life and wait until things happen in real life and then practice this, or you could try to practice it on purpose ahead of time so that when it happens in real life, it is not so bad. Let me give you an example of another client of mine. This is a young man who wants to date, and he starts to talk to somebody online and gets excited that this person feels safe and kind of cool, and he decides to make a date.

Every time he comes to the day of the date, he thinks, "I can't. I can't do this, I can't do this," and he cancels. But not only does he get disappointed that he can't do it, but he also feels guilty that he is letting the other person down. He's a good kid, and he's got a good conscience, and he feels bad about the other person, so this makes him feel worse. Because this has happened over and over again, when he begins to panic the day of the date, he puts meaning around that, that means he can't. He wasn't looking at it, as his amygdala was triggered when it didn't need to be triggered. I explained to him the un-triggering process.

Now that he understood the process and what was happening, he could decide to override it with his mammalian brain and say to himself, "Thanks, amygdala. If I needed you, that would be great, but I am not physically in danger going on this date." What are the risks? There could be risks that the person wasn't interested in him or that they are a little bit nutty and it wouldn't be a great date, or they could be boring. None of these things were something he was worried about. He just heard, "I can't," and decided that he couldn't. His amygdala was trying really, really hard to keep him from danger, but he wasn't really in danger in the first place. You may be wondering why he had that trigger in the first place and why I wasn't trying to figure that out. Of course, we did. In the therapeutic conversations, of course, we addressed where it came from and why it started in the first place. We made meaning around that past, but that wasn't what I was illustrating in this example.

Once you acknowledge your adrenaline and the amygdala, thank it, and tell it that you don't need it anymore, you have to distract yourself with some action. You want to engage your mind and body in something else so that anxiety does not have all of your attention anymore. You could walk, you could talk to somebody, you could watch something, you could organize a drawer, you could clean out a closet, go run an errand, anything. Any action will do.

Remember the last episode when we talked about increasing your GABA hormone? Two things, you want to not be bothered by the anxiety, and you want to take some kind of action. When people are recovering from their anxiety, I see a pattern. It gets less and less often, less and less intense and shorter episodes until it's gone. You overriding it, telling it that you don't really need it, not being afraid of it, is going to make it get less and less and less and less until it's gone.

How are you doing? I dispensed a lot on you in this episode. If you have any questions for me, you could come on over to my live coaching calls every Monday on Facebook and YouTube. In that live stream, you could ask me any questions. Also, comment on any of my social media posts or blog posts, and I will answer your question.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for giving yourself this time to hang out with me today. This episode discussed how trauma triggers your amygdala and how to un-trigger it. I gave you a script of what to say to your anxiety and how to act when it comes back, so it is less and less and less and less and gone.

Again, you can find everything I reference in the series in the blog posts that go along with each episode. The link is in the show notes. Thank you so much for subscribing, commenting, and rating me five stars on Apple podcasts. In the next episode, I'l cover your basic fears, so read Chapter one, Section six, and I'll see you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

1:4 Straightforward Biology of Anxiety, Worries, and Panic

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 21 Jan 2023 06:20:00 +0000

This episode goes with Chapter 1, Section 4 of Anxiety...I’m So Done with You! In it, I go over the biology of anxiety. You’ll learn:

What anxiety is and what it isn't
How you should think about it
How do you know if you have an irrational fear or rational fear
Why anxiety seems to come out of the blue
How to stop anxiety in its tracks

I continue to demystify anxiety by explaining its biological roots so you understand how it behaves. This will help you so much.

Anxiety is the leftover fear response when you’re not in physical danger. It’s caused by adrenaline. The biology of anxiety, triggered by the amygdala and adrenaline, can be mapped, and the signals it sends to your brain can be explained. I get right to the heart of how it all works so you can learn what to do about it.

I go over rational and irrational fear, the mammalian brain versus the reptilian brain, and offer two things to do to calm your fear, anxiety, worries, and or panick, in the moment.

“Anxiety wants us to be upset about some possibility of something remote happening in the future. It has you suffering now as if that would protect you somehow from that future suffering.” - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

Remember, you can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcript

Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is "Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!"

I am so excited about this podcast. It's an accompaniment to my book by the same name, "Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!" It's a teen's guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness, because that is what we're going to do in the series: We're ditching that freaking toxic stress and hardwiring your brain to generate happiness every day.

Hey, you're listening to Chapter 1, Section 4, the Straightforward Biology. Here is what we're going to cover in this episode.

What anxiety is and what it isn't
How you should think about it
How do you know if you have an irrational fear or rational fear
Why anxiety seems to come out of the blue
why it needs you to be upset
how to stop anxiety in its tracks.

Let's get started. You've read about the biology of anxiety in this section, and I tell you about everything happening in your brain, so you know how to override it. I'll review a little bit of that here to go a little bit deeper, but it's going to be so valuable to you in helping you understand everything else that I talk about. If you want a deep-dive video on the biology of anxiety, you could check out my Diamond Confidence e-course on the blog post that goes with this episode. This, the transcription, everything else I refer to in this podcast, and more will be in that blogpost. The link to that is in the show notes.

All right, let's first talk about what anxiety isn't. It isn't a chemical imbalance; it isn't something wrong with you, it isn't something that you'll have forever, and it isn't an illness in your brain. Let's talk about some of these myths. Pharmaceutical companies kicked off their marketing campaign for antidepressants, and they changed the word hormone to “chemical” because chemical seems a bit more menacing; it seems a bit more out of control or something that is wrong with you. Then, they use the word “imbalance” to make you think of pathology - pathology means that something is wrong.

Hormones don't feel as threatening; they're regular. We all know that we have them and don't feel crazy or different for having hormones. Plus, hormones go up and down all the time, so being balanced is not a metaphor that's appropriate for them. Also, the term "chemical imbalance" is damaging because it makes people think they are different. That some people have a chemical imbalance, and other people don't have a chemical imbalance. That's not true. And as you'll learn when we talk about stigma, it makes stigma worse.

Remember, in the last episode; we talked about anxiety as the leftover fear response when you're not in physical danger. It's caused by the hormone adrenaline. Adrenaline levels go up and down all the time. You have learned from this section of the book that you have more control over this than you think. Adrenaline is a good thing, but only when we need it. It gives us this superhuman strength to survive something if our life is threatened. However, research has shown that 98% of the time, we don't need it. So we have to learn how to respond that 98% of the time.

Anxiety, as I defined it, is never needed. It's that leftover body response to the adrenaline when you don't need it, when you're not in danger. It makes you feel awful, helpless, weak, and like something is wrong, but it's not. Anxiety's there when you don't need it because if you were in a physically dangerous situation, you'd be taking action and doing something with the adrenaline response of your body. Your muscles have more capacity; you're breathing and getting the oxygen to them, focused on what you have to do to survive, and doing those things. So it's using up that adrenaline energy, and you don't end up anxious.

If you were in the woods and there was that saber-toothed tiger that was threatening to eat you, and you ran away, you would be using all of that adrenaline energy to run back to your village to safety. And once you arrived, you'd be like, "Oh, I can't believe it, oh my gosh, this all happened." And you'd tell the story to your community, and they'd be like, "Oh my gosh. Wow, you survived. This is amazing." In the storytelling of the event, you're processing what happened, and by processing it, you're telling your brain that you're safe again.

So let's go over the biology of anxiety because I keep referring to it. You read it in the book, but it's okay to repeat this because it is essential for you to know. The amygdala is that almond-shaped cluster in the center of your brain. This is where it triggers your adrenaline, and it triggers the adrenaline with emotional memory. So that means it's a memory that comes from your emotions, and you don't have the cognitive thought about it yet. It does this because it's faster. When you're trying to think of a thought, it takes too long and you want that adrenaline to be in your body so that you could survive as fast as possible. Because emotional memory is faster than cognitive memory, that is what's used to trigger the amygdala and trigger the adrenaline.

Now what happens is that when it triggers your adrenaline and your body gets flushed with the adrenaline, the amygdala sends a message to the prefrontal cortex and says, "Hey, something's wrong! Figure it out. Get us a plan. Get us out of here! Survive!” The prefrontal cortex takes over at that point and looks around and decides if you're in danger or not. The way that our brain evolved to work is that the prefrontal cortex looks around and says, "Nope, I don't see any danger, everything's okay." And it sends the message back to the amygdala to stop the adrenaline because we are okay. This is the interesting part because if you think about thousands or millions of years ago, while this brain was evolving, anything weird, anything strange, anyone looking at you funny, all of those could mean danger. Your sympathetic nervous system was created to trigger in any of these occasions so that it could protect you, in case. The sympathetic nervous system doesn't release the adrenaline when you are in danger, it releases it in case you were in danger. That makes all the difference because 98% of the time, we don't need it, but it's there in case we need it.

There are a couple of things that I want you to know about this system. One is that the message system from the prefrontal cortex back to the amygdala is not so strong. It was not developed because it's not necessary for survival as much as the message system from the amygdala to the prefrontal cortex. That is lightning fast.

Your prefrontal cortex is part of your mammalian brain, and the amygdala is part of your reptilian brain. And that reptilian brain, wow, is very powerful and strong in getting you to believe that you are in danger, but the mammalian brain can override it. It's just that we don't really know that it can, and now that you're reading this and listening to this podcast, you know that your mammalian brain can override that reptilian brain. You could look around and decide that you are safe and tell your reptilian brain that you're safe.

The other detail that I've noticed is that when the message system comes from your amygdala and goes to your prefrontal cortex and says, "We're in trouble; something's wrong. I got the body ready; find out what's wrong." The prefrontal cortex is looking around and not seeing any danger but says, "I don't see any danger, but I feel it, so keep pumping those hormones because I got to figure out what's wrong." That's our modern humanity––thinking that feeling in danger means that you're in danger. This is how anxiety is learned. When that happens unconsciously, you believe it, but now we have to bring consciousness into the situation where you could actually look around and say, "I don't see any danger; I'm okay. Yes, I feel it, but that doesn't mean that I am in danger.”

In the next episode, I'm going to give you an actual script that you could say to your amygdala to stop this process. Remember in the last episode, we defined anxiety as the leftover fear response when you don't need it. It makes you feel awful, it makes you feel helpless, it makes you feel weak, and it makes you feel like something is very wrong with you. The way we define anxiety is that you never need it, it's left over when you are not in danger. I'm reminding you of this because I know anxiety repeats itself over and over, telling you that it's helping you or protecting you or you're in danger or whatnot, and I need to repeat the positive over and over, so it sinks in.

Anxiety wants you to keep it, and as long as you think it helps you, you're not going to get rid of it. That's why it does this; that's why it tells you that it helps you. So I'm going to keep reminding you that anxiety is good for nothing. It doesn't help you. If something in your life helps you survive, like putting a seatbelt on, don't say something like, "The anxiety makes me put my seatbelt on." Or "Fear makes me put my seatbelt on." Call it something different, say "Common sense makes me put my seatbelt on." That language tells your brain that you are empowered instead of disempowered.

Let's chat about rational fear versus irrational fear, and something like normal worries versus anxiety disorder. I've heard that these things are still being distinguished in high school health classes. This quandary, whether you have rational fear or irrational fear, or normal worries versus anxiety disorder? it sets off a whole new problem to pursue as you try to figure out what you are.

Let's look at this, what is rational fear? That means it's rational to fear that thing like if you were in a tiger's cage, it would be rational to be afraid. But that's obvious; that's not what people are wondering about. They're wondering if it's rational to be afraid that you might get into a car accident because there's a remote possibility that you might if you spend any time at all in a car. By this tactic, you could say anything is a rational fear if there is some possibility. But how is that helpful to you?

Let's talk about irrational fear: What is irrational fear? It's being afraid of something that's impossible. For example, being afraid that a purple fox would lock you out of your bathroom. That's not what people are trying to figure out. They're trying to figure out if it's rational or irrational to be afraid of that car accident; both of them could be arguable. Trying to figure out one or the other is unhelpful and distracting. It's the monkey creating chaos and a problem for us to solve. Is this rational or irrational? You could turn your ankle; you could get electrocuted when you plug something in, you could slip on a banana peel. People are not usually afraid of these things. Instead, anxiety uses something that's meaningful to you, like someone's going to break up with you, or maybe someone's talking about you behind your back, or maybe you'll get fired. And it uses “What if?”

How many of you does anxiety use this little phrase with? What if it's possible? What if it happens? Anxiety wants us to be upset about some possibility of something remote happening in the future and it says, "Get upset now. Suffer right now because you have to figure out how you could prevent this potential, slight, remote possibility of suffering sometime in the future."

Let me give you two more scenarios. One person is very anxious all the time because they're worried about something happening in their future, and so they're panicking all the time. They're withdrawing from life, isolating themselves, and unable to go out and hang out with people. They’re not trying anything new because they have so much anxiety. So they're not getting in touch with their skills and abilities.

And then there's another person who's not letting the anxiety take over their life. They're doing hard things and building skills and resources; they're connecting to other people, so they have a community around them. Think about both of those people. If something bad happened, who would be more prepared? The anxiety is telling that anxious person that it's protecting them, but it is not. It is the opposite that's happening. So you don't have to figure out if your fear is rational or irrational. Just let that question go. You do not have to determine if you have "regular worries" or an "anxiety disorder." If your worries, anxiety, nervousness, OCD, or whatever you want to call it is interrupting your life, you can get some help and figure out how to get rid of it.

Next, it's really important to talk about how anxiety seems to come out of the blue because that makes it really mysterious, making it very scary. Again, anxiety wants you not to understand it at all because then it makes you feel powerless. There is always a trigger. There is always a context that triggers your anxiety, but it's an emotional memory that triggers it. That means your body gets flushed with adrenaline before your cognition comes online. You already have the adrenaline in your bloodstream before your brain starts to know that something is happening. So it feels like it's coming out of the blue, but it is always caused by something. It could be a sound, it could be a smell, it could be a feeling in your body like, "Oh no, that feels a little weird, I hope I don't have anxiety." It could be just that statement, "Oh no, I hope I don't get anxiety right now." And that triggers an emotional memory of the last time that you had anxiety and how uncomfortable that felt. That's why it feels like it comes out of the blue.

If you worked with somebody like me, they might help you figure out what triggers you have so that you could see them coming. Once you know them and understand them, anxiety doesn't feel so mysterious, and you feel a little bit more in control. You’re not as scared of it. Anxiety needs you to be scared, and not just that, it needs you to be upset at all because if you're frustrated with it, if you're bothered by the anxiety, if you're embarrassed by the anxiety, if you're upset about it, if you're scared about it, if you're mad about it, if you're sad about it, all of those things release adrenaline. All these feelings––any negative feelings you have––release adrenaline. I know these emotions feel differently, but in your body, it's all the same hormone.

If anxiety comes and you're bothered at all, your prefrontal cortex will tell your amygdala, "Keep pumping those hormones because you're upset, and you need to figure this out." And the monkey gets involved, and you start to create problems, and it gets worse and worse and worse; this is how anxiety spirals. What this tells us is that you need to not be bothered by the anxiety, and I know, I know, it's really hard not to be bothered by anxiety. Of course, anxiety feels horrible, so of course, you're bothered by it, of course, it scares you, of course, it upsets you. But we need to take a little bit of a moment to understand, demystify anxiety, know it's just hormones, and not be afraid, and then it'll go away faster. That's how we're going to get it to go away.

Were you ever startled when one of your family members came in the room, and you had your earphones on, and you didn't know that they were coming, and then they touched your shoulder, and you jumped a mile because they scared you––you didn't expect them. Your adrenaline goes off in that situation. So think about the last time something like that happened. How long did it take for you to recover? Somebody tapped you, you jumped a mile. You could feel that adrenaline in your body; you could feel that under your skin going and going. How fast did it take you to calm down?

Usually, after a situation like that, you start laughing because it's really funny that your family member startled you and you made this noise and you've jumped a mile. How long does it take you to recover? They tapped you on the shoulder, and you jumped a mile, you might have made a funny noise, often, you start laughing. How fast does it take you to calm down? You could feel that adrenaline in your body…Pretty fast, right? This is because you are not afraid of it, you're laughing, you know you're safe, you're not afraid of it. This is how fast your adrenaline will calm down if you're not afraid of it.

I'm telling you not to be upset or bothered by the anxiety. Luckily, you don't have to do that for too long because it happens quite quickly, and what happens is the GABA hormone gets released. When your prefrontal cortex overrides that reptilian brain and says, "We're okay; everything is okay." Quite quickly, the GABA hormone gets released into your system and puts the brakes on the adrenaline. "Ah, feels so good." That's called the parasympathetic nervous system response, which calms you, makes you feel so good, and GABA hormone makes you feel so good (and we talked about it a little bit in the last episode.)

These episodes are for you. Remember, anxiety repeats itself over and over and over, so you might have to listen to them over and over and over. You might have to listen to a section of the book or reread a section of the book over and over and over. That is okay. That is human, and whatever it takes to get you better, it is absolutely worth it, absolutely worth it.

From this section, we learned that you want not to be afraid of the anxiety, so we wanted to demystify the anxiety so you're no longer afraid of it, and you could understand it, and you know what to do. In the next section, we're going to talk about the exact script that I want you to use to help yourself calm down. That's what I want your mammalian brain to tell your reptilian brain. The other thing I learned when I was in my process of recovering from anxiety and I was diving deep into the biology of anxiety to try to help myself understand what was going on in my life, I learned that action also helps release the GABA. So there are two things that I go over in the section. Two things:

not being afraid
taking action.

Those are the things that are going to calm you down the fastest when you have anxiety because both of those things release the GABA hormone. So you want to not be scared for a bit of time, and then you want to take your attention off the anxiety and put it on some task at hand and do some kind of action. Any verb will do; you could walk, you could organize, you could think, you could read, you could make something. You just want to do something; you don't want to sit down and do nothing because that's going to give all the brain space to the anxiety, get you focused and upset about the anxiety, so it continues to perpetuate and also doesn't help you release the GABA hormone.

That’s everything you need to stop anxiety on the biological level. I know that you have thought of anxiety one way for a long time, and this may be a new paradigm of how to think about it. Give yourself some time. Repeat these new meanings, and talk about them with people until they integrate into your unconscious belief patterns and you feel better because that is what you deserve.

Thank you so much for listening to this podcast; I hope it really helped you integrate this section of the book because we talked about what anxiety is, the biology of anxiety, how to think about it, how it always comes from somewhere, and what the anxiety needs from you. And I also told you a little bit more about the GABA hormone and how to increase it because we want that GABA hormone to come online as soon as possible.

You'll find everything that I reference in the blog post that goes with this episode. The link is in the show notes. In that blog post, you’ll find more information on my Diamond Confidence course for teenagers, which I made to help teens let go of the past, plan for their future and handle life in the present. You'll embrace your confidence to maximize your potential.

I really appreciate you; thanks so much for subscribing and commenting, and rating me with five stars. I'm convinced that your time and attention to the series will save so much of your suffering. Get to reading or listening to chapter one, section five, The Heartbreaking Triggers. This next section will heal your heart and soul and change your life for the better. I can't wait for you to read it and then come over to the next episode. I'll meet you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

1:3 Hellish Symptoms of Anxiety, Panic, and Worry

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 21 Jan 2023 06:15:00 +0000

The Hellish Symptoms of Anxiety, Panic, and Worry expands on Chapter 1, Section 3 of “Anxiety...I’m So Done with You!” In this episode, I list the most freaky anxiety symptoms and then explain away the mystery to ease your heart and mind. They can’t scare you when you understand them! Then, you have power over your symptoms, and you will feel in control. If you have freaky symptoms of anxiety, this episode is for you!

Anxiety makes you feel worthless, it isolates you, it affects things that matter to you. The symptoms that accompany it make the fear worse, especially if you don’t exactly know what’s happening. Anxiety is good at scaring the hell out of you, but its symptoms are actually not for scaring you. In this episode, I will explain

The strange anxiety symptoms that really freak you out (both the physical and the mental ones)
Why they're there, so they're not as scary
The physical gestures you could do to decrease those symptoms

“Anxiety is a leftover fear response when you are not in physical danger. It's the leftover symptoms of adrenaline, that hormone that gets kicked off with your fight or flight response - when you don't need it.” - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

Remember, you can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcript

Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is "Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!"

Welcome to this episode! Here we are in Chapter 1, Section 3, The Hellish Symptoms.

Before we start… How’s your anxiety doing?

Have you felt any hope that anxiety is getting ready to move on out of your life?

I know that we’ve just gotten started on this journey together, but I thought I’d ask anyway. I have so much more to share with you so don’t worry, I am not leaving you here. I know you wish that you can just take a pill or listen to one podcast and it all goes away. It would be awesome if that can happen. But I promise, you going through this process to figure out what you have to do to get rid of your anxiety will heal so many other areas of your life. Plus, it will overall help you sustain happiness. For example, it can help you avoid years of heartbreak bc you’ll enjoy healthier relationships. See, not only does anxiety make you isolate yourself, it makes you feel worthless. Isolation and unworthiness affects your choices. For one, you attract the people that you think you deserve, and if your self esteem is low, you might let them in where they can hurt you.

Some of you know exactly what I'm talking about. You need to get better because anxiety affects your romances, your friendships, your family, your activities, your grades, your opportunities, and your confidence. It could affect anything that is important to you, and I am so glad you're here because that is no longer okay. And I'm excited because this section of the book is really going to help.

This episode is an accompaniment to Chapter 1, Section 3, The Hellish Symptoms. We're going to talk about those strange anxiety symptoms that really freak you out, both the physical ones and the mental ones. I'm going to explain to you why they're there so they're not as scary, and then I'm going to recommend some physical gestures that you could do to decrease those symptoms. Let's go.

Anxiety loves to scare the hell out of you, and its symptoms can be really scary, but they're not just for scaring you. They actually all have a function. If you don't know that function, they freak you out. Before we go into those symptoms, I think it's about time we define anxiety together because anxiety is one of those things that has as many meanings as people who experience it. One of the many things that I've learned by hearing people's innermost thoughts for 26 years as a counselor is that people think of anxiety differently. I'm going to offer a definition here to give us an agreed upon understanding of anxiety. This is how I think about it. Anxiety is a leftover fear response when you are not in physical danger. Let me say that again. Anxiety is a leftover fear response when you are not in physical danger. So it's the leftover symptoms of adrenaline, that hormone that gets kicked off with your fight or flight response - when you don't need it.

I'm on purpose totalizing anxiety this way because often anxiety wants you to think that you need it, that it helps you. It defends itself this way. By defining it this way, it helps you see that you do not need it at all. The fear response is helpful if your life is threatened. But anxiety is never necessary. It is only suffering. That means you do not need it and you can let it go.

Now, the symptoms of anxiety come from adrenaline in your bloodstream. You can have a lot of adrenaline or a little bit of adrenaline, and that affects your symptoms. And there are some freaky physical symptoms that when you don't know how and why they're connected to the adrenaline, they can scare the heck out of you. Like numbness. When anxiety goes off, your body increases its painkillers, it does that so that pain doesn't distract you from surviving whatever threat is there. But when you're not in danger, that feels like numbness in your arms or your legs or actually anywhere in your body. Sometimes you get hot or cold. Warm is warming up your big muscles so that you could fight or flee. And cold makes you shiver so you could warm up your muscles so you could fight or flee.

You might feel your skin crawling. That's energy streaming through your system. It's there to help you fight or run away. You may feel your heart rate go up. That is not a heart attack. Your heart is trying to pump the blood to your large muscles so they have the ability to fight or run away. You might sometimes feel like you're hyperventilating. That's your adrenaline getting you to breathe shallow. It's a short term way to quickly get oxygen into your large muscles, but people are very afraid of hyperventilating. They feel like they're going to pass out or not be able to breathe.

But here's a trick about hyperventilation. When you're hyperventilating, you're usually inhaling and you keep inhaling and keep inhaling. And your lungs are huge and full and there's nowhere for the air to go, and so it feels like you can't breathe, but you are forgetting to exhale. Your lungs are at full capacity and there's no more room to take any more air. So if you're hyperventilating, it sounds like this... Right away, your adrenaline starts kicking up more and more and more. And a lot of people are afraid of passing out when this happens, but if you exhale, that process stops. But if you don't exhale, you might pass out long enough for your body to involuntarily exhale, and then you wake back up. It's not really that scary. When you know all these mechanisms, you understand. And that helps you feel in control of your body instead of out of control of your body.

Next, there are some really scary mental symptoms. One bad one is losing touch with reality. This really freaks people out, but it comes from your hyperawareness. When you have adrenaline going through your brain, you'll become hyper aware of the world around you. Guess why? Because you're trying to see if there's any danger so you know what you have to do to get yourself safe.

Let me give you an example of hyperawareness. Take the word squirrel. I love using this word because it's a really weird word. If you say the word squirrel over and over again, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel, you become hyper aware of it and it seems bizarro. It's a very weird word. When your hyper aware of reality, then reality becomes bizarro. And you are not losing touch with it because when your adrenaline goes down, you're taking action and you're doing things and reality feels normal again.

Another symptom is feeling blank, and that really freaks people out. But blank is also from the adrenaline. Your mind is clearing the space for you to focus on the problem, and it could feel like your mind's totally blank because there's no problem. Don't freak out about your mind going blank. That is normal. And regular thinking will come back when the adrenaline goes down.

Also, don't freak out about overthinking. Overthinking can be a habit or it could be a symptom of high adrenaline because adrenaline puts energy into your cognitive brain so you have more power to problem solve. And without a problem, the monkey is going to find something to hook on, something to overthink about.

What other symptoms do you have that I have not mentioned? Come on over to my blog, the links in the show notes. And let me know what strange things you've experienced. And please, don't let this episode stop you from getting checked by your doctor when you start some strange symptom. But once you know it's anxiety, use this information to lessen your fear of it, because then anxiety's going to go down.

Okay, let's get into the physical gestures that you can do to decrease these freaky symptoms. When you're having a sympathetic nervous system response and your adrenaline is raging, your brain is looking for cues that you're okay again. When you're freaking out about the symptoms, it keeps pumping the adrenaline. But what if you did the opposite? For example, what if you looked out the sides of your eyes instead of focusing forward? Studies show that this behavior tells your brain that you are okay. Also when you're in danger, you curl up to protect your soft belly. Opening your chest, leaning back over a pillow and opening your arms with your palms up tells your brain that you are okay. Also, you could relax your jaw. That tells your brain your okay too. One more pose that works is often called the Wonder Woman pose. This is when you stand tall with your leg spread out, taking space on the ground, and you put your arms out to the side or you cock them on your hips.

When you get your body to take up more physical space, your mind reads this as confidence and it thinks you're okay, and so it releases the GABA hormone. The GABA hormone is the parasympathetic nervous system. That's the opposite of the sympathetic nervous system that releases the adrenaline. So the GABA stops the adrenaline, and that's what you want.

You might notice that we're focusing on the brain in this chapter. This is because it helps you know what you're dealing with. It's not scary if it makes sense.

When I help people recover from anxiety, I notice that 50% of the people that I see get better after just this one step: when they understand anxiety biologically, culturally and contextually. The rest of the chapters are just a bonus on top healing everything else in your life.

Thank you so much for listening

I want you to know that I really appreciate you. I really appreciate you listening to this podcast and reading this book. Please leave me a five star review on Apple Podcasts. Like, share, subscribe, and get all the resources that I spoke about in this podcast in the show notes. Come on over and hang out with me on social media! On TikTok, I'm @doctorjodi.

Stick with me. Coming up next, we're going deeper into the nitty-gritty of the biology. Read that section, Chapter 1, Section 4, and I'll meet you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

1:2 Constant Digital Chatter - How your cell phone disempowers you

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 21 Jan 2023 06:10:00 +0000

This episode follows Chapter 1, Section 2: The Constant Digital Chatter. What you'll learn in this episode is

How your phone might be making you anxious
The effects of “comparison culture.”
The anxiety-provoking secondary trauma
The impact of commercialism on your mental health

I am continuing to de-mystify anxiety in this episode, and to call it out, we have to look at all the contexts that contribute to you feeling powerless. This means we cannot leave out the increased use of cell phones in the last two decades.

Don’t worry; I am not saying phones are evil. But the constant 24/7 bombardment of all those messages can do more than entertain and educate. In this episode, I show you how the messages coming at you, make you feel powerless, worthless, and out of control. You are not powerless, worthless, and out of control, but it feels like you are. In this episode, I detail three categories of disempowering messages: 1. You are not enough, 2. The world is a dangerous place, and 3. You deserve cool stuff “just because.”

After diving into how those messages impact you, I offer a simple challenge: disconnect once in a while. You will be happy that you did!

“In comparison culture, you are comparing someone else's outward, public, filtered appearance with your inside mess. You cannot win in this scenario. You will always find yourself not good enough.” - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

Remember, you can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcript

Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is "Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!"

Welcome, welcome. This is Chapter 1, Section 2: The Constant Digital Chatter. What you're going to learn in this episode is

how your phone might be making you anxious
comparison culture
secondary trauma
the role of commercialism.

In Chapter 1, we're taking the mystery out of anxiety, and to do that, we have to look at all the contexts that might be creating an increase in anxiety. This means we cannot leave out the increased use of cell phones in the last two decades. Cell phones have defined your generation. The difference between millennials and generation Z is that Generation Z had cell phones connected to the internet from as early as middle school, which was also when social media started.

So you had it from a very young age, and you developed with that phone, making you distinctly different from any other generation. I'm not going to say in this episode that phones are evil. I love my phone, and I'm sure you love your phone too, and I'm also quite positive that you probably have a love-hate relationship with it. Don't worry; I'm not going to suggest you ditch your phone, and I realize that phones are not going away. But maybe after you hear me out, after you read this section, and listen to this episode, maybe you won't be glued to it 24/7 anymore. I've been studying this phenomenon for my doctoral thesis, and researchers have not yet identified the actual mechanisms that cause the phone to make us anxious. But I'm going to share with you what I spoke about in my TEDx Wilmington talk and from what I've witnessed in my therapy practice. If you want to check out my TEDx Wilmington talk, you'll find it in the blog post that goes with this episode. The link is in the show notes.

Your phone gives you access to thousands of messages a day. Or more accurately, these messages have access to you. Texts, comments, likes, news, ads, calls...(well, maybe not calls. Who gets calls anymore?) But practically 24/7, these messages are reaching you. How many of you sleep with your phones? Yeah. When I say 24/7, I'm barely speaking hyperbole. It's 24/7.

These messages leave you feeling powerless, worthless, and out of control. Not all of these make you feel powerless, worthless and out of control. You have some messages from your friends that are kind. You have some funny things that you see. You are entertained, and you learn things sometimes. However, there are still too many messages that do leave you thinking that you are powerless, worthless, and out of control. You're not. You're not powerless, you're not worthless, you are not out of control, but the messages are very convincing, so you believe them. You're not the only one. These messages trigger everyone's insecurities, so we're all having this problem together.

What's bad about those messages that leave you feeling powerless, worthless, and out of control is that those feelings make you anxious, angry, and depressed. In my thousands of conversations with people, I've noticed three categories of these disempowering messages.

You are not good enough
The world is a dangerous place
You deserve cool stuff just because

Let's look at these. The first one is "you are not good enough." This is from comparison culture, which makes people use social media to help them define their worth. See, Western culture, or colonizing culture, has all of these invisible standards. You have to be smart, independent, pretty, rich, put together, sane, heterosexual, light-skinned, happy. Even though these are beyond ridiculous, people are desperate to meet these standards because we are biologically programmed to do whatever we must do to belong. And we are encultured to believe that we must meet these ridiculous and unrealistic expectations or we will be left out. We can't meet them all, all the time. We can barely meet some of them, some of the time. At their worst, they structurally and personally oppress people at their best, they have us comparing ourselves to the people around us to make sure we are not the only loser who is inadequate.

Unfortunately, in comparison culture, we will always feel inadequate. You are comparing someone's outward, public, filtered appearance, with your inside mess. You cannot win that scenario. You will always find yourself not good enough. Social media plays into this comparison culture, exponentially making it more powerful and oppressive. In fact, research has shown that the more time teenagers spend on social media, the worse they feel. These were self-reports from teenagers. And when they take breaks, they almost immediately feel better. Let me say that again. When they took breaks from their phone, they almost immediately felt better.

Let's look at that second category of messages: the world is a dangerous place. You read in the book that secondary trauma is real and causes horrible consequences. We have a constant stream of horrible news coming into our hands in an instant. Even when you try to avoid it, there are messages coming from everywhere, so it is too hard to avoid. Seeing horrible things happen all around the world makes the danger seem random and out of control, making you feel more vulnerable. But it's only sometimes random and out of control. Also, your sympathetic nervous system is meant to trigger when you're present in danger, and you could use the energy to do something to get yourself safe. But now you're watching tragedies very far away, and there's nothing you can do about them but sit helplessly on your couch. That helplessness feeds the anxiety both biologically and emotionally.

The last category of messages I will share in this episode is that you deserve stuff just because you're cool. I'm talking about the marketing messages that companies use to get you to buy their stuff. If you thought that you had to work hard to buy their products, sales would go down. They know this, so instead, their marketing plays on your insecurities, making you connect "getting things" with your worth as a human being. Did you ever see a kid in a supermarket whose mom said no to candy? They're crying and reacting as if nobody loves them anymore. When you grow up with these messages that you just deserve stuff just for being you, the pain of not getting it goes right into the core of your being. Unfortunately, that happens all the time. We don't get everything we want, and it has nothing to do with what we deserve, but because the belief is so ingrained that we should get it, we're confused.

Now, I know you're smarter than this, but this happens unconsciously, affecting you by making you feel worthless and powerless to do anything about it, increasing your anxiety, anger, and depression. I'm telling you about all these messages because if they happen unconsciously, you can't do anything. But once you know about them, you can do something about them. You could change the way you think about them and how they affect you.

These messages strip you of your growth mindset and agency. Agency is that knowledge that you can respond to and take actions to make things happen that you want to happen.

Attachment to the phone is akin to an addiction to consuming. The Monkey Mind gets attached to knowing all the things. It tells you that you are protecting yourself by not missing anything and that something bad will happen if you do miss something. It has created a groove of that pathway, y'all. Luckily you now know how to change it by overriding that pattern with your prefrontal cortex. To can laugh, have fun, create and repeat over and over and over that you are powerful, you are worthy, and you are in control. You are not just a passive recipient of this life. You have the ability to act and respond in ways to make yourself better, make your mood better, and make your relationships better.

So what do you think? Does your phone make you anxious? Did this episode inspire you to take a little break from your phone today? I hope so. If nothing else, maybe you can take it out of your bed? Or, at least, not look at it first thing in the morning!

To help you practice taking a break from your phone. The What's in your hand? activity in this section invites you to take a walk without it. I want you to connect back with thinking for yourself instead of these messages having any kind of power over you. If you have a safe place to walk, please try that exercise. Plus, I have more resources on the blog post on how nature improves your mental health.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode, where we discussed how your phone could be making you anxious. Please share this. You never know who is suffering because anxiety and depression are invisible. Please leave me a five-star review on Apple Podcasts because that will help me in helping more people like you. Remember, you can find any resources we discussed in the blog post: The link is in the show notes.

The next episode is Chapter 1, Section 3, The Hellish Symptoms, where we will continue to demystify anxiety, so you feel safer and build confidence in your abilities and get rid of it. Read the section and then come on over and start the next episode. I'll meet you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

1:1 The Hyper Monkey Mind

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 21 Jan 2023 06:05:00 +0000

This episode is the companion to Chapter 1, Section 1: The Hyper Monkey Mind. In it, you'll learn:

The huge capacity of the human mind
What the Monkey Mind is
Why the Monkey Mind intensifies, magnifies, and worsens your problems
How to change your negative thinking
How to stop overthinking by changing your neural pathways
Why laughter is the best medicine

If your Monkey Mind is wreaking havoc on your life, this episode is for you!

Anxiety is not you AND you can get rid of it. You may have learned skills to calm yourself, but the anxiety keeps coming back. In this episode, I will help you take down anxiety's power, so it stops doing that. How does the monkey mind fit into it? The human mind is a marvelous, enormous thing that is designed to do a lot more than we're doing with it now. I'll show you what to do so that the Monkey Mind (anxiety and negative thoughts) doesn't default to taking over that space.

By breaking it down and showing you how anxiety works on you, I hand you the power to take it down. You will also learn how to reframe negative thoughts, why fiction is a helpful, creative outlet, and why laughter is the best medicine.

"Our mind evolved for millions of years to problem solve, to adapt, to survive. Your mind wants to make sure it doesn't miss anything that it needs to do to protect you. But there are fewer things for it to do. So it's looking for things to do, things to worry about, things to judge, things to assess. And when it makes them up, it makes them sound really real." - Dr. Jodi Aman

Resources discussed in this episode:

Remember, you can join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Transcript

Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is "Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!"

Hey, it's Jodi here. This is Chapter 1, Section 1: The Hyper Monkey Mind. Grab your notebook and pen because I'm about to download some details about that hyper Monkey that is wreaking havoc on your life. In this episode,

We're going to cover the huge capacity of the human mind.
I'm going to tell you what a Monkey Mind is.
I'll explain how and why the Monkey Mind intensifies, magnifies, and worsens your problems.
We'll go over how to change your negative thinking and how to stop overthinking everything.

I've also made some YouTube videos on this section so you could head on over to my YouTube channel @DoctorJodi and check those out, too. I go live every Monday at 11 am Eastern New York City time. So, if you have questions for me, that is the place to be. Of course, each podcast episode has a blog post where you can leave a comment. As well, you could comment on any one of my social media posts. The links to all of them are in the show notes.

We're getting started on Chapter 1 here. Chapter 1 correlates with Step 1: Understand it Biologically. And I'm not going to just do that. In this chapter, I'm going to help you understand it culturally, emotionally, and contextually – in addition to biologically. The title of this chapter is It's Not Me; It's You. Because when we have problems, we are so focused on what we're doing wrong that's caused those problems. And this focus on deconstructing yourself – that means tearing yourself down – keeps you from deconstructing anxiety. You focusing on yourself is exactly what the anxiety wants to happen because that's how it gets power over you. If you don't understand anxiety or depression, it stays in power.

You'll notice that I'm personifying anxiety because that is how I think about it. It's not you. It's not even a part of you. It's something that affects you. When you think about it this way, it's going to help you get rid of it. You can't get rid of something that's you, right? Well, anxiety is not you and you can get rid of it. The goal of this chapter is to demystify anxiety for you because that disempowers it giving the power over yourself and your emotions back to you. That's how I'm different from other people helping you out with anxiety. You may have learned skills to calm yourself down or reframe a situation, but my steps help you take down anxiety's power so those skills work.

The first thing I want you to know is that the human mind has a huge capacity for thinking. It could think of twelve thousand to sixty thousand thoughts a day. And in modern times, we really don't have that many important things to think about. We don't have to find food or build a house or protect ourselves like our first ancestors did. Our brains evolved for millions of years before we had construction companies and grocery stores. Right now in our life, we have fewer things to talk about, and so there's a huge gap. We have this huge capacity and not much to think about. The human mind tries to fill that gap by making things up. And the bigger problem is that 80 percent of the made-up thoughts are negative. The good thing is this means that you are not crazy. Your experience of negative thinking is part of being human in this modern world.

So let's talk about the Monkey Mind. The metaphor of the Monkey Mind is attributed to the Buddha. The Buddha used it to describe mind chatter. Just like a monkey swings grabbing one branch to another, our mind swings like we're grabbing one though––going from one negative thought to another negative thought––increasing our emotional chaos. And the hyper energy of the Monkey lends to the metaphor. It gives you the sense of that urgency to grab one and another and another. It's important to note that the Monkey Mind in this metaphor is not your feelings of sadness or angry, or scared. But it's the thoughts and stories that are us trying to make meanings around the sad and the scared, and the angry. And it's the thoughts and stories that are us trying to make meanings around the thoughts about being sad and scared and angry.

It looks like this: you have a feeling––let's pretend it's sad. Right away, you think:

"Why do I feel this bad? What's wrong with me? Why can't I do this? How long am I going to feel like this? How come I always feel bad? I'm totally overreacting here."

Another metaphor often used is the rabbit hole. The rabbit hole means you get lost in this underground maze going from one spinning negative story to another spinning negative story. The Monkey Mind intensifies your problems. The way I explain the Monkey Mind comes with a visual. If you are listening to the audiobook, you know that you could come on over to the Book Resource page and download that visual on PDF called Globs of Self-Judgmen_t. You can get it at _jodiaman.com/resources.

So take a look at this. Or, let me paint a picture in your mind. So, imagine heartbroken as a circle that represents so many units of emotional pain. You don't just have the feeling of heartbroken because right away, your mind says:

"Why does everyone leave me? How did I mess this up? Am I overreacting? I'm not good enough for someone to stay with me."

Those are the negative self-judgments that come immediately when you have a negative feeling. Because we're uncomfortable and we think:

"Oh no, this is not okay!"

Our Monkey Mind is trying to protect us, so it's trying to figure out what went wrong. Right away, after those negative self-judgments – which are also represented as circles of emotional units of pain – but they're bigger than the heartbroken, and there's more of them. Right after that, you get worries.

"I don't think I can handle this. I think I'm going to lose my mind. Oh no, oh no how long will this last? How am I going to do this?"

These are bigger circles of emotional pain, and they come and circle the negative self-judgments which have circled the heartbroken. Right away, we get more negative self-judgments on top of those worries.

"I can't believe I can't do this. I'm so weak to have this bother me this much. Other people would be over this by now. This is all my fault."

You can imagine how small comparatively is that heartbroken circle compared to all of these circles, which are bigger and greater numbers. From this illustration, you can see how our problems intensify and magnify and worsen because of these negative self-judgments and

worries – not because of the original feeling. You might be wondering why this happens. Again, our minds evolved for millions of years to solve problems, adapt, and survive. Your mind wants to ensure it doesn't miss anything that it needs to do to protect you. But there are fewer things for it to do, so it's looking for things to do. Things to worry

about. Things to judge. Things to assess. And even when it makes them up, it makes them sound really real. It's like when the anxiety says:

"But what if? It's possible, right? It's possible. What if it happens?!"

The problem is that the hyper Monkey Mind gives you the sense that you are constantly vulnerable––keeping you distracted in the figuring out what's wrong. And in doing so, it makes you think that you need it. This Monkey is a major obstacle to your recovery. Right now, you

may be worrying that if this is normal, then do I have to just live like this? This is a human reaction to living in this modern world. But it's operating below your understanding. Now that I'm telling you, you understand it. You could change it. Because mastering the mind is learnable.

Let me illustrate the Monkey Mind with a couple more stories. I once knew a 15-year-old who was dumped by her boyfriend, and she was understandably sad, confused, and hurt. And she kept saying that she was not handling this well because she was upset. Being upset is not wrong in this context. But her anxiety told her that she couldn't do it. She assumed that handling it meant that she wouldn't feel bad. So she concluded that she must be wrong for feeling bad.

One time, my sister and I were talking to my mom, and she was telling us a story of a friend who passed away. And it was a tragic story, and she was telling us all about what happened and the interaction she had during that time, and then she said:

"I just can't get over it. I just... I really can't get past it."

And I was like, "Mom! It was a week ago."

We really have very little tolerance for our negative feelings because we think that they're wrong and then we start to judge them. And what happens when we start to judge them is we get the Monkey involved. And we attach to them. They actually intensify, magnify, and worsen.

Let's talk about the best way to stop overthinking. You need to give your mind something to do – to stimulate that prefrontal cortex. You need to give it an interest or inspiration or some kind of spark. The prefrontal cortex is the adapting mind. The more you engage it, the more you can use it to override the emotional brain. This means you'll have less anxiety and depression and anger to deal with. To engage the prefrontal cortex, you have to do something creative or problem-solving or organizing or planning. And as a bonus, these things connect you with your skills and abilities. But in addition to these kinds of actions, you could also engage the mind in a story—fiction rocks. Humans are storytellers. It's the way our minds work. It's how we remember things. And when you hear a story, you often get immersed in it. It can provoke new perspectives. You can learn skills or be inspired by the characters. Reading or listening to novels is often what I recommend to clients who are having a particularly intense anxiety episode. It gives your mind something to do and gives you a break from negative thinking. I'd even recommend a Netflix binge because there's a difference between purposefully getting lost in a story and hiding to avoid things. If you are giving your mind something to do to stimulate it, that is a good thing. It's all about intention. You want to light a fire under yourself. You want to give yourself some brain activity to get you moving, engaged, and interested. You'll have less time and less inclination to be sad, anxious, or angry. Your mind won't act like it has to protect you because it will know that you are thriving.

The second way to stop overthinking is to have compassion and understanding for yourself. When you are feeling bad and then judge it then worry about it – those negative self-judgments and worry make you attach to that emotion more fully.

Check out these two examples:

"Wow, that hurt. I totally get it. I totally understand why I feel that way."

And then this one:

"Wow, that hurt. Oh, why does it hurt me? Why am I so sensitive all the time? Why am I... why am I such a jerk? And... and people always never like me... and I wish I didn't do that... and I messed up."

You could see the difference, right? When you start to judge and worry, you are giving the power to the Monkey.

Before we end this episode, let's talk about the best way to change your neural pathways. Neural pathways are pathways that your brain has created of something that it does often. To be more efficient, it creates a groove to get there faster. Suppose you have a habit of being negative or having anxiety, your brain will get there faster. This doesn't mean it has to stay that way because you could change the pathway. However, because there's a groove, it's a little bit harder. It takes a little bit more effort and a lot of repetition.

So I'm going to give you four reasons why laughter is the best way to change your neural pathways. And the first reason is that it increases your neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity means that your brain has the ability to change. And laughter really increases that ability to change – which means the effort will be less and the repetitions will be less.

The second reason why laughter helps you change beliefs and change your neural pathways is because it gives you a positive affect. Affect means mood. When you're laughing, you are having a positive experience. And that positive experience is going to lend itself to changing your neural pathways for the better.

The third way is that laughter is an energy release. It's cathartic. You're relieving yourself of a lot of tension that has been building up. And that really helps you have more bandwidth to change your neural pathways.

And the fourth way is that laughter brings a creative spark that connects you to your prefrontal cortex. Usually, you're laughing at something clever or something creative, like a play on words or a pun. Or there is some connection or reference to an inside joke. That lights up the prefrontal cortex. And, in general, we really have to lighten up. Because our problems – our anxiety, our depression – are various serious dudes. And that seriousness really calls our attention. It's like, "You got to pay attention to me!" And giving attention to the anxiety is exactly what anxiety wants you to do.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode where you learned about the Monkey Mind, how it intensifies your problems, how to stop overthinking, and why laughter is the best medicine. Again, leave me a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. Like, share, and subscribe. And get all the resources that I spoke about in this podcast in the show notes.

Stick with me. Coming up next is Chapter 1, Section 2. This is going to shock you, but it will be okay, and you will be okay. I'll meet you in the next episode.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

1:0 My Anxiety Story: Book Introduction

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Sat, 21 Jan 2023 06:00:00 +0000

Welcome to "Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!" with Dr. Jodi. This episode goes with the Introduction of the book. In it, you will learn

The benefits you'll get from reading this book
Who I am and what I'm all about
My anxiety story
The five steps to curing anxiety
Why you deserve help and how to ask for it
The four reasons you still have anxiety
My formula for happiness.

The good news is that your anxiety is curable. I will take you through the five steps I used to overcome my own anxiety, that not only saved my life but helped thousands of my clients get rid of their anxiety.

You will go through all five steps in the book's five chapters. You might wonder, "What if it doesn't work for me?" Yes, it will work for you! There are four reasons why people keep anxiety, and in this episode, I explain them and how you can avoid them. This episode encourages practical tips for your brain, body, and spirit that are safe, doable, tried, and true. If you are ready to heal, you are where you are supposed to be.

"It's your fear of the anxiety that causes the anxiety. When you are afraid of anxiety, it stays in your life. (That's a hard one because it's so awful, of course, you're afraid of it.) I will teach you how not to be afraid of it so that you can get rid of it." - Dr. Jodi Aman.

Resources discussed in this episode:

Transcript

Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is "Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!"

Welcome to the beginning of our journey together. We're discussing the introduction section of the book Anxiety...I'm So Done With You. So grab your notebook and pen or your book to write in the margins. In this episode, you'll hear about the benefits you'll get from reading this book. You'll know who I am and what I'm all about, including my anxiety story. I'll share the five steps to curing anxiety that not only saved me but helped thousands of my clients get rid of it too. I'll give you an earful of why you deserve help and tell you how to ask for it. And then we're going to go over the real reasons you still have anxiety, and you'll finally learn my formula for happiness. Let's get started.

Here is what you're going to get from this book. You're going to get practical skills for your brain, body, and spirit that will help you have the life you want to be comfortable in your body, understand the world, and find a fulfilling life purpose. You will feel trust and connection to good people. You will sleep better and wake up hopeful and confident in the morning. I know those sound like lofty goals, but they are doable because, despite what you think or what you've heard, anxiety is highly treatable. Even if you've had it forever, you can still get rid of it.

This is what I've come to understand in my 25 years of practice. There are two kinds of people with anxiety. The first person gets anxious and is like:

"I am not living like this. I don't like this at all. I'm going to figure out what I have to do, and I'm going to get rid of this. I am not doing it."

And the second person's like: "I guess I am just wired this way. This sucks. This is me. I'm different than other people! Why can't I figure this out? I just have to learn to live with it."

What am I going to say about these two people? Person one who decides that they're going to get rid of it and they're not going to keep it; they do what they have to do and they get rid of it and better. Person two, who thinks that this is how they're just going to have to live, they keep it. What's the difference? The difference is believing that you can change. It changes the whole game. It makes me think of my favorite quotation from Henry Ford, "Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right." Let me say it again. Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right.

Next, let me tell you a little bit about my personal and social identifiers. Because you are probably like, Who is this person giving you all this advice? Plus, I want to be transparent about who I am. My name is Jodi. I go by she/her. I'm White, heterosexual, cisgendered mom. And aside from some dyslexia, I have no visible or invisible disabilities. I am totally aware that those identities reek of unearned privilege. In addition, I have more things in my life that give me privilege, like being married to the same person for 20 years and having three healthy children. I am being transparent because I don't want to take any of that for granted.

Another thing about me is that I have been a social worker for 26 years. A social worker is like a psychologist, but a social worker thinks about people in their environment, and they understand problems in their contexts. So we care about social justice issues and how they affect our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. I also call myself a psychotherapist, which just means that I use talk therapy. That is the kind of therapy you think about when you think about going to therapy.

Now, how about you? Who are you? Every podcast episode has a blog post that goes with it where I put the transcription of the show and then more resources that go along with the episode. The link is in the show notes. Come on over there and share with me your social identifiers, a little bit about yourself, and the context of your life. And tell me about an accomplishment that has made you proud. One of my professors did this on the first day of class, and it was really powerful. I'll go first. One of my greatest accomplishments is my close relationship with my kids. A close second is publishing five books, even though I have dyslexia and getting a doctorate. When I was little, I always saw myself as a bad reader and a bad writer, so these accomplishments feel really, really good.

I'm telling you all about me and my social identifiers because it affects perspective. And when I'm not aware that my identities affect my perspective, they risk rendering other people's perspectives invisible. This, unfortunately, is endemic in our society, and I don't want to do that. I'm sharing my positionality to acknowledge my privilege so that it can be dismantled. You and I may be different in some ways or the same in some ways, and I may never meet you. But that doesn't matter. I want you to know that I see you anyway, and I am speaking to you. Y

I am going to tell you over and over in this series that anxiety comes out of a context. Social identities cause the context of power differences and that power differential and intersectional and marginalized identities cause oppression, trauma, and inaccessibility. And as a social worker and as a psychotherapist, I've witnessed the effects of this for over two decades, and I know we have to speak about this in order to heal it.

And to that end, if you hear anything in this series that makes you feel excluded or invalidated, I am really sorry. I am open to and appreciate any feedback that you want to give me.

Before I tell you my anxiety story, you may have already noticed. I am lumping anxiety and depression and anger and sadness and worries and irritability all together. I'm not making light of these by doing that because they're all horrible––all of them are horrible; however, all of these act on you in similar ways, and I'm lumping them together on purpose in order to minimize the power that they have over you. Does that sound good?

Let me tell you about my journey with anxiety, which started when I was just five years old. So back then, my father, my sister, and I was at this father-daughter event and we were learning about the presidents President Lincoln and President Washington because it was February, and that was the time of the year that we all learn about them in school. On the way home from this event, I remember thinking about the lesson and what we were learning about, and I was like, Huh, I don't see those guys around anymore.

So I asked my dad, "Where are the presidents now, Daddy?"

My dad's face got really pale, and his neck got really long, and he said, "They're dead."

And I was like, "What?!"

I mean because I knew; I could read the energy in his face and his coloring and his voice. I knew that there was something really wrong about being dead. I also read his fear of how to explain it to me as a five-year-old. And so I said: "What's dead?"

And he said:

"You sleep. You don't wake up, or you're gone forever."

I don't exactly know what he said but it was something like that. But I was so overwhelmed and startled by this concept that we could leave each other, that this is not something that will last forever, and that there is suffering in this world. And, of course, I was so lucky as a five-year-old not to experience something that drastic or that traumatic up until that point. And so I hadn't known suffering, but this was my introduction to anxiety and my introduction to understanding that there was suffering in this world. And I was overcome. I cried and cried and cried. I guess as that five-year-old, I really got this concept of, Oh my gosh, something could go wrong. And I have no control over that.

Over the next 20 years, I had anxiety come and go in my life. Sometimes it was so intense that I lost tons of weight because I couldn't eat. I really withdrew. I couldn't go out. But I couldn't be alone, either. I could go to sleep alone. My mom had to stay with me all the time. Back then, it was the 70's and 80's; people didn't really know what it was. I never even called it "anxiety" back then. I only knew about that. It's anxiety as I got older, and I could look back, and I knew what was going on, but back then, I didn't know what it was, and I didn't really understand it, and neither did any of the adults in my life.

So over the next 20 years, I would go into episodes of anxiety, and then I'd come out not really knowing my participation in when I was anxiety-free and when I had really intense anxiety, I thought I was a passive recipient of this happening to me. And that didn't change until I was in my twenties and I was already a social worker. I was in a meeting as a therapist and we were talking about our hardest cases. One of my coworkers was talking about their client who had anxiety. They were talking about what this person was going through and how much they were struggling. And I just started to panic. I remember thinking, I'm a social worker. I'm supposed to be helping people, and I can't even help myself.

I started to have this huge panic attack right there in that meeting, and I was really trying to keep myself in the here and now, but I was losing it. I had to get up/. I couldn't sit there any longer. I had to get out of there. I wanted to leave so bad. If you have ever experienced anything like that, you know exactly what I am talking about.

I'm always running away from anxiety because anxiety was this big scary monster that was constantly chasing me. And I just ran. Little did I know that that gave it power because when I ran, I was covering and afraid of it. Anxiety needs you to be scared of it. I booked out of that room, went down the hall, flew down those stairs, and into my car. I put the car in reverse, I looked in the rearview mirror, and guess what I saw? My face was pale, and my neck was long. And I took a breath, and I looked at my eyes again and I took another breath and I thought, I look just like my dad. I learned this. And if I learned this thing called anxiety, then maybe I could unlearn it.

So I committed to doing just that. I was that person one. I said, I'm not living like this. I'm not putting my family through this. I'm not putting my husband through this. I'm going to commit myself and do whatever I need to do and figure out how to get of it.

Over the next couple of years, I figured it out and I figured it out and I figured it out until I completely got rid of my anxiety, for good. It has been such a relief not to live like that because it is the worst suffering that you could feel. And you don't even have to imagine because I know you're listening to this podcast because you've been there and you've experienced it. But lucky for you, you don't have to wait a couple of years to figure it out, because I did the work for you. Now, I am just delivering it to your door (or to your ears). All you have to do is go, pick up my book, pick up this podcast and get yourself better.

Here are the five stages that I use to get myself better. In the last 20 years, I have helped thousands of my clients get better, too, with these same five steps.

Here are the five steps.

1. Understand it biologically.

2. Learn the lies that it tells.

3. Cultivate your control.

4. Make peace with yourself.

5. Practice happiness habits.

Let me say those again. Understand the biology, learn the lies that it tells. Cultivate your control. Make peace with yourself and practice happiness habits. Easy peasy, right? Not so coincidentally, these are the five chapters of this book. And each of the book's five chapters has seven different sections. So there will be 35 more episodes of this series because you read a section of the book and come on over here, and I'm going to give you a little bit more to help you integrate it into your brain and body, and spirit to get you better faster.

These steps are safe; they're practical, and they are doable. And don't think of it as work because there's effort and there are practices, but you are making an effort anyway. You're probably on a hamster wheel doing all this efforting but not getting anywhere. And these practices in this book will be easier than having anxiety.

Nothing is harder than having anxiety. So don't balk at the practices or the work that you'll have to do to get better because I'll tell you, it's worth it—no more excuses. Anxiety wants you to make excuses, but excuses don't serve you. And remember, you deserve to get help. You deserve it because this anxiety, this depression, this anger or irritability or whatever you have, is not your fault. In the first chapter, you will learn that anxiety comes out of the context of our modern world, not because you're weak or inadequate. It comes from a context.

Also, I want you to know this series is not a replacement for getting help for yourself. I just read a statistic that, on average, people wait 11 years before getting mental health help. Eleven years! That means half of them wait longer than 11 years! Don't let that be you. A lot of suffering could happen in 11-plus years. A lot of life and opportunities in good joyful times that you could have in those 11 years, you deserve to have those. So get help.

Now, I know people enough to be guessing here that you may have been hurt. And that might make you wanna isolate yourself or pull back or not try to get help from other people. Maybe you think you're unworthy, or perhaps you think you are bothering them. Please don't do that. You are not bothering them. I know you're trying to protect yourself, or you're trying to protect them, but you are making yourself hurt so much more–– exponentially more. And you are probably hurting other people because they are worried about you or missing you, or they think you don't like them. When you are looking for help, look for the good people. They're there. Don't go to someone untrustworthy and say, See, everyone hurts me.Look for the good people. Mr. Rogers says, "Find the nice people. There are always nice people." And you know what? You have skills and observation. I know you do because you're sensitive. You have a sensitive heart. Use those skills in observation to find the good people.

Now, when you're trying to get rid of anxiety with all the practices that you are learning, and it's not going away, you may start to convince yourself that it won't work for you–– that you're different somehow and you just don't get it. When people feel that way, I've noticed four reasons why they have not gotten rid of anxiety. I made a video on it that I will put in the blog post. The link is in the show notes.

Here are the four reasons why people keep their anxiety.

One: They are still scared of it.

Anxiety needs you to be scared. We'll go more into that later, so you really understand that one. It feeds itself off. It's your fear of the anxiety that causes the anxiety. So you have anxiety about anxiety. If you are afraid of anxiety, it will stay in your life. And that's a hard one because it's so awful, of course, you're afraid of it. In chapter one, I'm going to explain to you how not to be afraid of it or how to navigate around being afraid of it so that you can get rid of it.

The second reason is they don't like themselves.

You can't NOT like yourself and get rid of anxiety because, if you don't like yourself, then you don't trust yourself. Then you don't think you could handle anything. And, of course, you feel incredibly vulnerable when you think you can't handle anything. So it's a playground for anxiety.

The third reason is that you're staying still.

When you stay still, you're giving all of your brain space to the anxiety to wreak havoc on you, to take you down into the rabbit hole of negative thinking. You need to do something that's engaging enough that takes up your mind space so that anxiety does not have that space anymore.

And the last reason is they don't believe they can get rid of it.

You have to believe that you can get over anxiety to get over anxiety. If you don't believe you can get rid of it, you keep it. And this is the thing, in this book and in this series, it is my job to convince you that it is possible because I know that to be true. I've seen it happen over and over and over again. These steps are repeatable. And they work.

Let me tell you. This will work for you.

You'll find that in the book and in the series that I repeat myself a lot. Yep. I'm going to repeat myself. I'm going to repeat myself. I'm gonna repeat myself, a lot. That's because anxiety repeats itself, and negative thoughts repeat themselves. They're like a broken record, and so I'm going to dish it right back with the truth over and over.

Finally, I am ready to tell you about my formula for happiness. You're probably thinking, What is that? What is a formula for happiness? And why do I have to learn about it? When I was trying to help myself heal from anxiety, I did all the self-help books and retreats and classes that I could find because I wanted to get better and I wanted all of the information. I started to notice a pattern in the content of all of these books and classes. This is it:

1st you have to get rid of the things in your life that make you suffer

2nd you have to bring into your life what gives you joy, and

3rd you have to practice those two things every day.

So I started to understand that as the formula for happiness.

So first, you get rid of the things in your life that make you suffer.

We live in this world with lots of things happening that feel out of control. They keep coming in, and we're energetically affected by those things. This means that you have to continually release them. You don't heal, and then you're healed forever. Even if you've healed certain things from your past, there are more things coming in all the time. The bonus is if you make this a daily practice, these heavy energies won't even root into you. You'll release them before they've even had a chance to affect you for too long.

Don't worry; I'm not going to turn you into a callous and cold person. This practice will give you the coherence and capacity to be even more compassionate and more helpful, and generous to others without depleting you.

Next, you bring into your life what brings you joy. This is what people often are confused about. Some people who are sad or anxious feel very different. They see the people around them, look happy and confident, and think they're born that way. Then, you feel different; you have this problem. You think, if I wanted to be happy, I'd have to work, really, really hard on being happy, and that just doesn't seem fair. That thought process hurts you, and it is not true.

People who are happy? They generate their happiness every day. Nobody's just happy by accident. No one's just born happy. They don't have to do anything. Everybody has to work at it. And I do understand that it is more effort when you have anxiety, when you have sadness or when you have other problems or experiences in your life that have pushed you down. It is more effort, and also, the brain is very efficient. So if you have one way, one familiar way of being – going to the negative or going to thinking bad stuff about yourself or something. Then your brain makes a groove in that direction, so it can get to that more efficiently. It's not permanent. You can change it. While you're trying to change the pattern to a happier groove, it does take extra effort, but with repetition, it changes, and soon, the happier pattern is easier. Our brain is malleable but we just don't know it is and so that's why I am telling you. That need for repetition will get help the third step in the formula for happiness make more sense. Because the third step is to practice.

You got to keep practicing. You have to keep the self-care up. You have to keep practicing those happiness habits that we're gonna talk about in chapter five. You deserve to take care of yourself in that kind of way. You don't have to do this because "you have a problem, and you're different than other people and you have to do these extra things." We all have to take care of ourselves. This world is crazy, and we have to take care of ourselves. You are not different and strange. You're part of this human family, and we all have to practice these things to take care of ourselves.

Practice means that things don't just come when we have an intention. We have to put action behind it. I love this quotation by Frederick Douglas. "I prayed every day, and nothing happened until I prayed with my legs." When you set an intention and have expectations that you'll meet that intention, you will take the next right action to realize it.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode going along with the Introduction of "Anxiety… I'm So Done with You!" with me, Dr. Jodi. In this episode, I shared my anxiety story, and you heard the five steps I developed for getting rid of it. Then I told you why anxiety sticks around for some people, and finally, I shared my formula for happiness.

Please leave me a five-star review on Apple podcasts. Like, share, subscribe, and grab a copy of the book if you don't have it yet. Next, in chapter one, you will learn the neurological response to what is going on and the context of our world. Coming up next is Chapter 1, Section 1. Read it, and I'll meet you there.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!

Welcome to ‘Anxiety… I’m So Done With You!’

jodi@jodiaman.com (Doctor Jodi) — Thu, 24 Nov 2022 06:00:00 +0000

Welcome to "Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!" with me, Dr. Jodi. This podcast series accompanies my book for teens and young adults grappling with anxiety and depression. Together, the book and podcast are a complete guide to (1) ditch the toxic stress in your life and (2) hone the skills to hardwire your brain for happiness. In each episode, you get more clarity, stories, and illustrations that will help you integrate what you read in the book. I got you, boo. As a psychotherapist for 25 years, I have been helping kids, teens, and adults heal from trauma, anxiety, and depression. Now, I'm going to help you, too. If you are looking for practical tools for a robust brain, body, and spirit, this podcast is for you!

In this podcast series, I will demystify anxiety and depression, explaining exactly what they are and how you got them. You'll learn that having anxiety and depression does not mean something is wrong with you. Nope! And no, you don't have to just "learn to live with them." Anxiety is curable! This series will show you how to get that bully out of your life––for good! Because life is short, and there's no time to waste feeling this bad!

"Without anxiety dragging you down, you will feel comfortable in your body again; be able to trust and connect to good people; sleep better, wake hopeful and happy in the morning; and find a soul-fulfilling life purpose."

Transcript

Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is "Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!"

You might have a little bit of anxiety or a lot of bit of anxiety, but whichever one, you have this book and this podcast is for you. In fact, if your life isn't the way that you want it to be, this book and this podcast is for you. Because, in them, I teach you how to think about mental health problems like anxiety and depression and anger and self-doubt and how to make sense of them so that you could start enjoying your life. So that you could be comfortable in your body, sp you can sleep better and wake up confident and hopeful in the morning. You'll learn how to understand the world, how it's working, and how you fit in it. You'll be able to have adventures again, soul-fulfilling adventures, and you'll be able to find your life purpose without anxiety and fear and judgment getting in your way.

Life is short and there's no time to waste feeling this bad. I'm Jodi Aman. I've been a psychotherapist for 25 years working with children and teens and adults, helping them heal anxiety and depression, helping them navigate life transitions and overcome trauma. And I'm not only a former anxiety sufferer but I'm also a mom of young adults who went through the same thing that you are. So I get you and I've got you.

In this series, I'll take you through the five steps of curing anxiety, and it's not just going to cure your anxiety; it'll help you understand and get rid of rage, depression, trauma, insecurity, shyness, intrusive thoughts, and so much more. Also, I'll defunct all the mental health myths that have caused you undue suffering. We'll demystify anxiety and depression. You'll learn what they are, where they came from, and why everyone and their brother have them right now.

If you don't have it already, go ahead and get yourself a copy of the book, which you'll find anywhere books are sold. It comes in audio, e-reader, and paperback. Go right now and grab yourself a copy. And grab your parents a copy… and grab your friends a copy, because this is going to change lives.

This series will get you better because it is possible. And I know that someone might have told you that you "just have to learn to live with it." It might have even been a mental health therapist who said something like that. But that notion's just an idea. It's not a truth. Lucky for you, you don't have to learn to live with it. And, moreover, it is not something that is wrong with you. You are awesome and talented and adaptable, and lovable. You are not anxiety or depression or anger or a mess or whatever your negative thinking tells you that you are. They are lying. It's time to break up with that bully called anxiety and be a single-pringle again.

You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be close to people. You deserve to understand the world, and you deserve to go after those adventures and opportunities. Not only do you deserve to, but you have the skills to get there. Ready?

Stick with me. I'll take you through the whole process, my five steps to curing anxiety. And then you'll feel robust, excited, and ready to take on the world. Each episode we'll go through a section of the book – so you read a section and come on over here to integrate it into your brain and body and spirit.

The first episode will be a deep dive into the introduction of the book. In it, I share my anxiety story and then explain the five steps to getting rid of anxiety. I can't wait. Go read or listen to the intro, and I'll meet you there.

From my heart to yours, I thank you for listening to "Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!" with me, Dr. Jodi. Anxiety is invisible, and there are many people in your life that are struggling that you might not know about. Sharing my podcast or videos with your friends could actually save lives. Please leave me a five-star review on Apple Podcasts and come hang out with me on TikTok @DoctorJodi.

ASK DR. JODI

Join me live every Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on YouTube, @doctorjodi, where you can ask your questions in real time.

📣ALL NEW episodes are now on Ask Dr. Jodi - Mental Health and Relationship Advice Podcast.📣 Text JODI to 8334583845 to get in the show message group.

👉👉Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: jodiaman.com/live.

Contact Doctor Jodi:

• Website: jodiaman.com

• TikTok: @doctorjodi

• YouTube: @doctorjodi

• Instagram: @doctorjodiaman

About Dr. Jodi:

You’re listening to the Anxiety I'm So Done with You! Podcast with Doctor Jodi.

Ask Dr. Jodi Live

Do you, or does someone you love, have anxiety or ADHD? Do you struggle with motivation and worry about your future? Keep listening.

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with young people for 28 years, and I’ve seen and understood the nuances of Generation Z from this rare perspective.

Guess what I discovered? Your brain is not broken. You are having a regular human response to the context of this crazy world. You don’t have to feel like this; you can feel better!