Modern Love

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to the New York Times

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A Widow's Guide to Sex

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 18 Mar 2026 09:00:00 +0000

When Joan Price's husband died, her grief left her feeling alienated from her body. She was numb. She couldn’t have orgasms. Her sex drive disappeared. Joan understood better than most people the importance of a fulfilling sex life; as a sex educator for older adults, she centered her work around pleasure and desire.

So, she began the process of rediscovering what it means to feel good after loss. Joan ended up writing a book about everything she learned, called "Sex After Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality After Losing Your Beloved."

This week on “Modern Love,” Joan Price tells the story of reconnecting with her sexuality, and she shares advice for anyone looking to do the same.

Please note: this episode contains explicit descriptions of sex.

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Jessie Buckley Became a Mother for 'Hamnet.' Then She Became a Real One. (Encore)

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 11 Mar 2026 09:00:00 +0000

Jessie Buckley is nominated for best actress at the Oscars this weekend, for her performance in the movie “Hamnet.” She plays the wife of William Shakespeare — and a grieving mother — as the couple confronts the loss of their only son. The role has already won her a Golden Globe, a BAFTA and an Actor Award. In a conversation on “The Sunday Daily,” The Times’s chief movie critic, Manohla Dargis, said it would be a major upset if Buckley did not also win an Academy Award.

Ahead of the ceremony, we’re bringing you our conversation with Buckley from last year. “When I was filming ‘Hamnet,’ I deeply wanted to become a mother,” Buckley said. “And it was such a gift to move through this woman and her motherhood and her love and her loss before I became a mother myself.”

On this episode of “Modern Love,” Buckley describes how she was able to access the vulnerability she portrayed onscreen. And she talks about how her life has changed since having her own child. Plus, she reads the Modern Love essay “The Wrong Kind of Inheritance” by Victoria Dougherty.

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Lindy West Thought She Couldn’t Handle Polyamory. She Was Wrong.

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 4 Mar 2026 10:00:00 +0000

When she was growing up, the writer Lindy West was bombarded with negative messages about being fat. The whole world seemed to think she didn’t deserve love unless she lost weight. In her first book, “Shrill,” West wrote about how hard it was to combat fatphobia within herself, in society and on the internet, where she was attacked by some particularly vicious trolls. By the end of the book, West had found confidence in herself. She also got married to the love of her life.

Now, West is opening up about a conflict that was built into her marriage from the start: She wanted to be monogamous. Her husband, Aham, did not. To make Aham happy, West agreed that he could see other people, but she was terrified of what would happen to her self-esteem if he ever acted on it.

This week on “Modern Love,” West talks about what happened when Aham started seriously dating someone else. Once this new girlfriend entered the picture, it forced West to rethink her feelings about her marriage, and about herself. On the other side of all that tough emotional work, she was surprised to discover a new kind of joy.

Lindy West’s latest book, “Adult Braces: Driving Myself Sane,” comes out March 10.

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I Didn’t Want to Have Kids. My Husband Did. Could Our Marriage Survive?

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 25 Feb 2026 10:00:00 +0000

When Helena de Groot was a child, she pictured an exciting future for herself: living in a big city, getting an apartment with lots of plants, having a creative job and going dancing on the weekends. She never saw becoming a mother as part of that future. When people asked, she told them she didn’t want children. As she grew up, got married and watched her friends become parents, she stood by that decision.

But, deep down, she had doubts. The question of whether she was making the right decision for the right reasons consumed Helena’s thinking, and had profound implications for her life and marriage. This week on the “Modern Love” podcast, she discusses how she navigated uncertainty, how it changed her life and how she imagined her future.

Helena de Groot’s podcast about her experience, “Creation Myth,” is available from the CBC.

Find photos of Lonnie’s valentines here.

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What Happened When My Dad and I Came Out to Each Other

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 18 Feb 2026 10:00:00 +0000

Julia Stoller loved her dad. But she never wanted to be him. He was a rule follower, he was so serious, and he was so straight. Then, when Julia was in her 20s, she got a phone call that completely changed her idea of who her father was. And as he opened up to her, sharing secrets he had been holding onto for decades, she was finally able to open up to him, too.

This week on “Modern Love,” Anna talks to Julia about what happened when she had to get to know a whole new version of her dad, and what she learned about herself in the process.

You can read Julia’s original story in the Modern Love column.

We Want to Hear From You

Email us at modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay. Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story.

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The Secret to True Romance

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 11 Feb 2026 10:00:00 +0000

Recently, the “Modern Love” team asked you to share stories about the most romantic things that have ever happened to you. What struck us about your stories was how frequently romance was found in quiet, everyday actions: rubbing your loved one’s feet, paying the bill, changing a flat tire, eating dinner together on the porch. This week, in celebration of Valentine’s Day, we hear stories that remind us all how simple love can be.

Then, we speak to the king and queen of Valentine's Day. For 30 years, Lonnie Anderson has made giant, over-the-top valentines for his wife, Anne Bolger Witherspoon, and has become a local legend in Albuquerque for doing so. The two tell us why Lonnie goes to the extraordinary lengths he does, and what it feels like for Anne to receive these extravagant, very public valentines.

How to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to the New York Times

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The Real Story Behind Jennette McCurdy’s Novel “Half His Age.”

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 4 Feb 2026 10:00:00 +0000

Please note: this episode contains explicit descriptions of sex.

Jennette McCurdy pretty much grew up in front of an audience. In her role on the Nickelodeon show “iCarly,” she seemed like a bubbly, happy teenager. Behind the scenes, though, she was struggling. In her 2022 memoir, “I’m Glad My Mom Died,” McCurdy described her toxic and often abusive relationship with her mother, her struggles with depression and disordered eating, and the painful work she did to build herself back up. The book was a New York Times bestseller for over 80 weeks.

McCurdy has a new book out, and this time, she’s written a novel. “Half His Age” tells the story of an intimate relationship between a 17-year-old girl named Waldo and her 40-year-old teacher, Mr. Korgy. This week on “Modern Love,” McCurdy explains how some of her own experiences inspired the story in “Half His Age,” and how writing the book allowed her to work through her rage, understand her desire and reclaim her power.

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I Was the Fun Dad. It Almost Destroyed My Marriage.

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 28 Jan 2026 10:00:00 +0000

When Jordan Carlos looks back on the role he was playing in his family a few years ago, he does not like what he sees. He was bringing home a good salary as a comedian, but doing only the bare minimum as a husband and a dad. When Jordan did show up at home, he was more likely to take the kids out for an all-day candy binge than to take them to the dentist or to tuck them in by bedtime.

But Jordan got a painful wake-up call when the pandemic hit and his work came to a halt. Home all the time, Jordan looked around and noticed that nobody seemed to need, or expect, any help from him. And his marriage was in serious trouble.

This week on “Modern Love,” Jordan explains how he let things get so bad in the first place, and how day by day, chore by chore, he started to take responsibility for all the little things that actually mean a lot.

Jordan’s book, “Choreplay: The Marriage-Saving Magic of Getting Your Head Out of Your Ass,” comes out Feb. 10.

Listener Callout: “Modern Love” wants to hear from you. What’s the most romantic thing that has ever happened to you? What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever witnessed? If something made you feel that rush of romance, send us a voice memo by Feb. 4, and we may use it on the show. Check out our submission page to learn more.

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I Tried to Toughen Up My Son. He Had Other Ideas.

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 21 Jan 2026 10:00:00 +0000

Sam Graham-Felsen was not a tough child. He feared violence and didn’t feel that he could stand up for himself when he was bullied. His fear ate away at his confidence; he was afraid to go on dates, afraid to try hard in school. As an adult, he thought he had moved past those fears. But then he started to notice some of those same tendencies in his young son. Sam wanted to change that, so he took his son on a cross-country road trip to Badlands National Park, in search of what Theodore Roosevelt called “the strenuous life.” Along the way, he found himself wrestling with what it means to be a good man, and to raise a good man.

This week on “Modern Love,” Sam explains what happened, and how his son changed his own ideas about what it means to be tough.

You can read Sam’s original story in The New York Times Magazine.

“Modern Love” wants to hear from you. What’s the most romantic thing that has ever happened to you? What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever witnessed? If something made you feel that rush of romance, send us a voice memo, and we may use it on the show. Check out our submission page to learn more.

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to the New York Times

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Was I Married To A Stranger?

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 14 Jan 2026 10:00:00 +0000

Belle Burden was living the kind of life most can only dream of. Born into a wealthy New York family, she married a dashing attorney who had swept her off her feet. The couple had a beautiful apartment in Manhattan, a summer house on Martha’s Vineyard, three children, and what Belle thought was a happy marriage.

Then, after 20 years, with no warning, her husband told her he wanted a divorce. Belle remembers him saying, “You can have custody of the kids, you can have the house and the apartment. I don't want any part of this life anymore.” In a moment, he became a stranger to her.

As Belle tried to understand the disintegration of her marriage, she made a decision that surprised people close to her: she shared her story with the world. In 2023, she published a Modern Love essay about her experience. Her new book, “Strangers: a Memoir of Marriage,” reveals more of her story.

On today’s episode, Belle Burden talks about the abrupt and difficult end to her marriage, and how that led her to the start of a new life.

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to the New York Times

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Want to have better sex this year? Here’s how.

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 7 Jan 2026 10:00:00 +0000

Do you think you could be having better sex? Are you confident you know what really turns you on? What makes your body feel good? How do you communicate about it? Nicole McNichols wants everyone to be asking these questions.

Dr. McNichols is a psychology professor at the University of Washington, where she teaches a class on human sexuality to over 4,000 students a year. She has immersed herself in decades of research on what makes a good, fulfilling sex life — and she has the data to back it up. Her new book, “You Could Be Having Better Sex,” is full of practical tips, backed by science, on how to have truly fulfilling sex.

On this week’s episode of “Modern Love,” Dr. McNichols explains the most common misunderstandings people have about sex and shares practical advice for how to level up your sex life.

What’s the most romantic thing that has ever happened to you? What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever seen? If something made you feel that rush of romance, send us a voice memo, and we may use it on the show. Check out our submission page to learn more.

How to submit a Tiny Love Story.

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Andrew Garfield Wants to Crack Open Your Heart (Encore)

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 24 Dec 2025 10:00:00 +0000

This emotional interview with the actor Andrew Garfield is a listener favorite. In it, Garfield talks about his 2024 film “We Live in Time,” in which he plays a newly divorced man named Tobias who falls in love with a chef named Almut, played by Florence Pugh. Their story feels epic and expansive, but still intimate. It focuses on the small, everyday moments that make up a love story: washing dishes together after a dinner party, sharing biscuits, smelling fruit at a farmers’ market. These are the moments that sustain the couple through Almut’s excruciatingly difficult medical crisis.

Garfield tells Anna Martin, host of “Modern Love,” why this film about the intertwined nature of joy and grief came into his life at just the right moment, and gives an unexpectedly raw reading of Chris Huntington’s essay “Learning to Measure Time in Love and Loss.”

"Modern Love" will return on Jan. 7 with all new episodes.

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I Cashed Out My 401(k) to Build a Women’s Only Retirement Community

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 17 Dec 2025 10:00:00 +0000

When it came time to retire, Robyn Yerian didn’t feel like she had enough money saved. She didn’t want to depend on her children or end up in a nursing home, so she cashed out what she had in her 401(k) and bought a plot of land in East Texas. She built spots for tiny homes and called the area the Bird’s Nest.

Over time, the Bird’s Nest has become home to a community of women who are rethinking retirement. On this episode of “Modern Love,” Yerian and Cheryl Huff, a longtime resident of the Bird’s Nest, describe what it feels like to grow older together with the support of other women, and discuss why they can’t imagine doing it any other way.

This episode is inspired by Lisa Miller’s story in The New York Times titled, “11 Women, 9 Dogs, Not Much Drama (and No Guys).”

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Jessie Buckley Became a Mother for ‘Hamnet.’ Then She Became One for Real.

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 10 Dec 2025 10:00:00 +0000

The actor Jessie Buckley says she wasn’t surprised that she got pregnant right after she finished shooting “Hamnet.” The film — starring Paul Mescal as William Shakespeare and Buckley as his wife, Agnes — tells the story of a couple grieving the loss of their only son. “When I was filming ‘Hamnet,’ I deeply wanted to become a mother,” Buckley says. “And it was such a gift to move through this woman and her motherhood and her love and her loss before I became a mother myself.”

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Finding the Magic, Just in Time (Encore)

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 3 Dec 2025 10:00:00 +0000

When Clare Cory was a young girl, she dreamed of love. But by the time she turned 50, she hadn’t found it. Still, she took a look around and found she was happy and looking forward to the future. Clare fell in love with life. She saw flowers bloom, watched sunlight sparkle on the water and held her cat on her lap. Her heart was full.

And then, as Clare faced cancer and was about to turn 60, romance arrived.

On today’s episode, Clare explains how she fell in love when she least expected it. Listen until the end for an update on Clare’s love story.

This episode is adapted from Clare’s Tiny Love Story from 2024, Finally Finding “The Magic.”

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A Therapist’s Emotional Tool Kit for a Better Holiday Season

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 26 Nov 2025 10:00:00 +0000

The holiday season is upon us. It’s a wonderful time, but if we’re being honest, it’s also a little stressful. Whether you’re worried about hosting a big family gathering, talking with cousins who have very different perspectives on politics or awkward questions from prying aunts, the holidays are full of complicated relationship dynamics.

On this episode of “Modern Love,” Nedra Glover Tawwab, a therapist, responds to questions from listeners about making the holidays just a bit more tolerable. Tawwab is the author of “Drama Free,” a guide to having better relationships with family, and the forthcoming book “The Balancing Act,” which is all about creating healthy dependency within relationships. She tells us why Black Friday is her practice’s busiest day of the year, and how we can all take control of our own holiday experience.

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to the New York Times

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There's a Better Way for Couples to Talk About Money

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 19 Nov 2025 10:00:00 +0000

According to Ramit Sethi, a personal finance author and coach, a lot of couples get stuck bickering about everyday purchases. If you’re hung up on what’s in the cart at Target, or who’s buying too many iced teas on the way to work, Sethi says you’re missing the bigger picture, and a chance to live what he calls a truly “rich life” together.

Sethi is the author of “I Will Teach You To Be Rich” and “Money for Couples.” He has a podcast, also called “Money for Couples,” and was host of the Netflix show “How to Get Rich.” On this episode of Modern Love, Sethi fields questions from listeners who want to have more constructive, and less tense, money conversations. He also explains how a little curiosity and compassion can help couples through emotional processes like merging their financial lives, disclosing their debts, and mapping out their dreams for a shared future.

Read four takeaways from the episode here.

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On Our Third Date, I Asked for a Joint Bank Account

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 12 Nov 2025 10:00:00 +0000

Janene Lin loathed the moment when the dinner bill would hit the table. When her date would pay, she felt like her love was for sale. Splitting the bill felt like no one had anything at stake. Most of the time, she would pay the bill herself, but that left her feeling uncared-for. So Janene prepared a pitch: On her next date, her third with a man named Aodhán, she would ask to open a joint bank account.

On this episode of Modern Love, Lin tells our host, Anna Martin, why this risky move felt like the best solution, how Aodhán reacted and what it taught her about what money means to her and her family.

This episode is adapted from Janene Lin’s essay The Woman Who Always Paid for Dinner.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times.

Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

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The Love Poem Andrea Gibson Wrote for Their Widow...and for You

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 5 Nov 2025 10:00:00 +0000

Andrea Gibson was the poet laureate of Colorado and a giant of the spoken word poetry scene. This past July, Gibson died of ovarian cancer, leaving behind their devoted fans, friends, family and longtime partner, the poet Megan Falley.

For the last year of Gibson’s life, a film crew followed Andrea and Megan as they navigated countless treatments and moments of triumph. In the darkest of times, their connection grew. Their deeply moving love story is the focus of a new documentary, “Come See Me in the Good Light.”

On today’s episode of Modern Love, Megan Falley talks with our host Anna Martin about falling in love with Andrea Gibson and loving them through their cancer diagnosis and eventual death. Falley reckons with what it’s like to be a 37-year-old widow, and how despite Andrea being gone, they are very much still with her.

The song Megan talks about in this episode is called “Hold Down The Fort.”

Megan Falley’s newsletter is called “Things That Don’t Suck.”

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times.

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to the New York Times

Listener call-out: Thanksgiving with family can be tough. We want to help. The Modern Love team wants to hear your questions about navigating tricky family situations over the holiday, and we’ll try to find answers for you. Find out how to submit your voice memo here

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W.N.B.A. Star Natasha Cloud Doesn’t Play When It Comes to Love

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 29 Oct 2025 09:00:00 +0000

Natasha Cloud is a powerhouse. The New York Liberty point guard seems to have it all: a successful W.N.B.A. career, fierce confidence and a loving relationship with her girlfriend and teammate, Isabelle Harrison. On and off the court, Cloud radiates self-assurance and seems to know exactly who she is, but that sense of self was hard-won.

In a conversation with “Modern Love” podcast host Anna Martin, Cloud talked about growing up as the only mixed-race child in a white family, and how one conversation with her mother shifted everything she thought she knew about herself. She discussed finding her identity in college, her family’s love and acceptance for the “new Tash,” and why professional pressure led her to publicly identify as bisexual even though she knew the label didn’t feel right.

Listener call out: The Modern Love team wants to know how differences over money are straining your relationship. Tell us what’s going on, and we may get you some expert advice on an upcoming episode. Find out how to submit your voice memo here.

Also: The Modern Love team wants to hear your questions about dealing with family during the holidays. Read our submission guidelines here

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The Woman Who Can Make Affairs Disappear

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 22 Oct 2025 09:00:00 +0000

In cities across China, there’s a special kind of consultant you can hire if you find out your spouse is cheating. They’re called “mistress dispellers,” and their job is to work their way into your spouse’s life, get close to their lover and convince the pair to break it off. When all goes according to plan, the cheaters end up believing it was their idea to end the affair.

In this episode of “Modern Love,” the filmmaker Elizabeth Lo tells Anna Martin what it was like to embed herself with a mistress dispeller over the course of three years. Lo explains some of the secrets to the mistress dispeller’s success, and why working on the project played a role in her own breakup.

Lo’s documentary “Mistress Dispeller” is in select theaters today.

Listener call out: The Modern Love team wants to know how differences over money are straining your relationship. Tell us what’s going on, and we may get you some expert advice on an upcoming episode. Find out how to submit your voice memo here.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

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Malala Thought She’d Never Fall in Love

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 15 Oct 2025 09:00:00 +0000

When she was 15 years old, Malala Yousafzai was shot by the Taliban, targeted for saying that young women should have the right to an education. By the time she woke from the ensuing coma, the world had already cast her in the role of fearless activist. In the years that followed, she embraced the part, starting the Malala Fund and traveling the globe speaking truth to power. But now Malala has a new memoir out called “Finding My Way,” and she’s ready to reintroduce herself. Today, she tells us about navigating ordinary life — like making friends at university, finding her personal style, going to parties and … falling in love. “Finding My Way” comes out on Oct. 21.

The Modern Love team also wants to hear your questions about dealing with family during the holidays. Read our submission guidelines here .

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Tessa Thompson on Finding What You Want (What You Really, Really Want)

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 8 Oct 2025 09:00:00 +0000

Tessa Thompson’s latest role is an infamously chaotic one: Hedda Gabler. Adapted from the classic play by Henrik Ibsen, “Hedda,” in select theaters Oct. 22, casts Thompson as a 1950s housewife who feels snubbed by an old lover and stifled in a new marriage. For Hedda, the only exit strategy is to punish those who have hurt her and then destroy herself.

In this episode of Modern Love, Thompson explains why she relates to female characters like Hedda and to the desire to define life and love on one’s own terms. She also reads a Modern Love essay about an unhappy marriage that helped the author find herself.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

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For Her 70th Birthday, She Hired an Escort

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 1 Oct 2025 09:00:00 +0000

Gail Rice, a writer and a therapist, was approaching her 70th birthday. She had given up on dating apps and hadn’t had a romantic connection with anyone in years. But for her 70th, she wanted a very specific birthday present: an orgasm.

So Rice decided to hire an escort. In this episode, she describes what went right, what went wrong and what she’s planning for her next birthday.

You can read Gail Rice’s essay about hiring an escort in the newsletter “Oldster.”

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

The Modern Love column is looking for “breakup lines.” If you have a memorable story about what you said when you were breaking up with someone, or what someone said to you, you can share it here. The deadline is Sunday, Oct. 5.

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How an Off-Script Moment Changed Jay Duplass’s Life

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 24 Sep 2025 09:00:00 +0000

Jay Duplass knows the power of improvisation. Many years ago, an unscripted, cliffside interaction changed his life, helping to set in motion the events that would lead to his new movie, “The Baltimorons.” The film features a newly sober comedian and a workaholic dentist who meet on Christmas Eve during an emergency dental procedure. What follows is a surprising love story that unfolds over 24 hours in Baltimore. The movie itself is an exercise in being open to unexpected connections.

In this episode, Duplass talks about what it means to “yes, and” your way through life and how that can lead to some of our most rewarding experiences.

He also reads a Modern Love essay called “The Dentist Who Treated My Divorce,” by Hillery Stone, and reflects on how the power of dropping our assumed roles can make way for deep interpersonal connection.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

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You Think You Know Elizabeth Gilbert. You Don’t.

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 17 Sep 2025 09:00:00 +0000

When her wildly popular memoir “Eat Pray Love” came out in 2006, Elizabeth Gilbert suddenly found herself touted as an expert on self fulfillment, spirituality and love. Readers might assume that Gilbert had vanquished her demons as she settled into a life of fame and marriage to the man she fell in love with at the end of the book.

But her struggle was far from over. On this episode of “Modern Love,” Gilbert talks about a new love story that almost destroyed her life.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

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Why I Always Dreamed of Being a Sister Wife

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 10 Sep 2025 09:00:00 +0000

Christine Woolley always knew she wanted to be in a plural marriage. She grew up in a fundamentalist Mormon community, loved having two moms and several grandmothers, and wanted to raise her own children in that environment. As an adult, and after Woolley married a man with two other wives, her family decided to share their lives on the TLC show “Sister Wives.”

Woolley stayed in the relationship for 25 years, with much of it televised, but slowly she realized she needed to leave and go out on her own. On this episode of “Modern Love,” Woolley discusses what she loved about her upbringing, the joys and pitfalls of a shared marriage, and what she’s learned from her first monogamous relationship.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

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E. Jean Carroll’s Vibrant Sex Life Ended 30 Years Ago. She Wants It Back.

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 3 Sep 2025 09:00:00 +0000

When the writer E. Jean Carroll accused President Trump of sexual assault in 2019, she unearthed a memory she had pushed away for decades. She also admitted, for the first time, something she hadn’t fully reckoned with: She hadn’t had sex since.

In this episode, Carroll tells Anna Martin what it was like for her to go from “man crazy” to someone who could not engage in even the slightest flirtation. She had always prided herself on moving forward with a smile and not dwelling on the past. But in recent years, as Carroll went public with her story, and as she took Mr. Trump to court twice, she began to realize that finally facing the loss of her sex life might be an important step toward getting it back.

Carroll’s latest book, “Not My Type: One Woman vs. a President,” came out in June.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times

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Nic and Olandria on What the ‘Love Island’ Cameras Missed

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 27 Aug 2025 09:00:00 +0000

Olandria Carthen and Nic Vansteenberghe spent a lot of this past season on “Love Island USA” coupled up with other people, but in a last-minute twist they wound up together.

Fans were divided. They read into body language, smirks, eye contact and passing comments to try to piece together whether Nic and Olandria got together out of convenience or their love was a genuine slow burn.

Despite all that sleuthing, the two think viewers didn’t get the full story.

In this episode of “Modern Love,” Nic and Olandria tell our host, Anna Martin, what their experience on the show was really like and what’s next for them.

Watch this episode on YouTube.
Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.
Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story.

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Bridget Everett Says a Best Friend Can Be Your Greatest Love (Encore)

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 20 Aug 2025 09:00:00 +0000

Stories of romantic love are everywhere, but the actor, singer and comedian Bridget Everett says that friendships deserve our attention, too. Onscreen and in everyday life.

Last Fall, Everett appeared on Modern Love to talk about her HBO Original series “Somebody Somewhere,” which centers on a close friendship. Now she’s nominated for an Emmy Award for writing the show, along with Hannah Bos and Paul Thureen.

In “Somebody Somewhere,” Everett stars as Sam, a woman struggling with grief and self-doubt after losing her sister. As Sam grows closer to her friend Joel — played by Jeff Hiller, an Outstanding Supporting Actor nominee — the future starts to look more bearable.

In this episode of Modern Love, Everett tells Anna Martin why she’s looking for a friendship like the one Sam and Joel have on the show. She also reads a Modern Love essay called “When Your Greatest Romance Is a Friendship,” by Victor Lodato. Lodato was in his 40s when he fell into a platonic life partnership with an artist in her 80s, who lived across the street.

In April 2024, Lodato published “Honey,” a novel inspired by Austin Brayfield, the friend he wrote about in his essay.

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Where Did All My Male Friendships Go?

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 13 Aug 2025 09:00:00 +0000

Sam Graham-Felsen never imagined being lonely. Throughout his childhood and as a young man his life revolved around his friends. But when Sam got married and then had kids, going out with his friends almost felt like a luxury. After years of focusing on everything in his life except friendship, Sam began to realize he was missing something essential, and he decided to get his friends back.

On this episode of “Modern Love,” Mr. Graham-Felsen describes how he went from being a boy with a wealth of deep friendships to finding himself feeling lonely as an adult, and what he did to bring friendship back into his life.

Read his essay “Where Have All My Deep Male Friendships Gone?” in The New York Times Magazine.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

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The Kind of Pain She Wanted

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 6 Aug 2025 09:00:00 +0000

For her entire life, Grace Hussar has been an overthinker. No matter how much she wanted to be in the moment, she always felt as if she was just outside it. But when she took up endurance running, she realized something: Extreme pain turned her thoughts off. She wanted more of that feeling — more pain and less overthinking. As a mother of two with a happy partnership and a career in finance, what she explored next surprised her.

On this week’s episode of “Modern Love,” Hussar talks about her essay, “The Kind of Pain I Wanted.” Hussar shares the story of how she discovered that rope play and kink were the keys to newfound presence and pleasure in her life.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

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How to Stop Asking 'Are You Mad at Me?'

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 30 Jul 2025 09:00:00 +0000

“Am I in trouble?” “Am I secretly bad?” These are questions Meg Josephson, a therapist and author, grew up asking herself. She was constantly trying to anticipate other people’s needs, worried that she was letting other people down. And it wasn’t until she found herself standing in the aisle of a Bed Bath & Beyond, trying to remember her favorite color, that she realized her desire to please everyone was eroding her sense of self.

On this episode of Modern Love, Josephson talks about how that realization led her to confront her tumultuous childhood, and what it took to stop “people pleasing.” She reads the Modern Love essay “My Three Years as a Beloved Daughter” by Erin Brown, about a woman who found a type of love in her best friend’s parents that she had never experienced before, and what that taught her about her own parents.

Josephson’s book, “Are You Mad At Me?,” is available Aug. 5, 2025.

Read more about Meg Josephson, and how to break the habit of people pleasing, in this article by Jancee Dunn.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

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Reneé Rapp on Blurring the Line Between Bestie and Lover

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 23 Jul 2025 09:00:00 +0000

The pop singer and actress Reneé Rapp has a deep love for her friends. She maintains a nonstop group chat with more than 15 close friends every day. Their lives are so intertwined that the line between platonic and romantic can sometimes get blurry, particularly since many of them have dated each other.

Rapp, best known for her role in the Broadway musical and new film adaptation “Mean Girls,” has an upcoming album, “Bite Me,” which delves into the intimacy and messiness of friendships, not just romantic relationships. Mirroring her album’s themes, Rapp walks Anna Martin through various vulnerable moments she has recently shared with friends, including one with her best friend and former “The Sex Lives of College Girls” co-star Alyah Chanelle Scott.

It’s no surprise that Rapp chose to read the Modern Love essay “This is What Happens When Friends Fall in Love” by Sammy Sass. The piece resonates with her own experiences of sustaining love within queer friendships. While Rapp says she doesn’t have a blueprint, she has learned to navigate misunderstandings and express genuine love to those closest to her.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

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How to Keep Love Alive, With Rob Delaney of ‘Dying for Sex’

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 16 Jul 2025 09:00:00 +0000

When we meet Rob Delaney’s character, “Neighbor Guy,” in FX’s limited series “Dying for Sex,” he’s scarfing down a burrito in an elevator, dripping food on his face and the floor. But Delaney’s performance reveals that under Neighbor Guy’s messy exterior is a man capable of deep vulnerability and empathy.

“Dying for Sex” follows a woman named Molly, played by Michelle Williams, who is dying of cancer and desperate to experience sexual pleasure before it’s too late. At first, Molly thinks Neighbor Guy is disgusting, but the two soon discover they make sense together, sexually and emotionally. Williams and Delaney received Emmy nominations for their roles.

Today, Delaney tells host Anna Martin why exposing the messy and painful parts of ourselves to other people can be rewarding and hilarious. He talks about tending his own relationship and reads a Modern Love essay about a couple who decides to try some role play to avoid getting too comfortable with each other.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

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Let Mel Robbins Share Her 5 Tips for a Healthy Relationship

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 9 Jul 2025 09:00:00 +0000

The best-selling author and motivational podcast host Mel Robbins is known for her blunt advice and viral wisdom, from The 5-Second Rule to countless proverbs on relationships, confidence and everyday stuck-ness. Her most recent book, “The Let Them Theory,” has given her readers a fresh perspective for navigating disappointment, rejection and uncertainty in life.

Today, Robbins shares fives tips for letting go of control, and explains how these transformed her marriage and her relationship with her kids. She also reads a Modern Love essay, "You Have to Let Go to Move On,” about a woman who finally learns that real love doesn’t come from holding on tighter.

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‘The Interview’: Ocean Vuong was Ready to Kill. Then a Moment of Grace Changed His Life.

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 2 Jul 2025 09:00:00 +0000

This week on Modern Love, we’re bringing you a conversation we liked so much that we’re envious we didn’t get to have ourselves. In a raw but deeply heartfelt and compassionate conversation with “The Interview" host David Marchese, author and poet Ocean Vuong talks about the real reason he became a writer.

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To Share or Not to Share? How Location Sharing Is Changing Our Relationships

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 25 Jun 2025 09:00:00 +0000

When we asked Modern Love listeners how location sharing is affecting their relationships, the responses we got were all over the map. Some people love this technology. Some hate it. But either way, it has changed something fundamental about how we demonstrate our love and how we set boundaries around relationships. Today, we’re sharing a few of our favorite listener responses. Then, Host Anna Martin talks with Arlon Jay Staggs, a Modern Love essayist who has wrestled deeply with whether to share his location.

At first, location sharing wasn’t a big deal for Staggs and his mother. He took a lot of long drives, and it made sense for her to keep tabs on him. But when he realized his mother was watching his little blue dot too closely, and it was causing her stress when she needed peace of mind, Staggs decided the sharing had to stop. He just couldn’t figure out how to tell her. And when tragedy struck his family, the stakes of his decision to share or not share became a lot higher.

Today’s episode was inspired by the essay “Every Move I Make, She’ll Be Watching Me.”

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

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‘Materialists’ Director Celine Song Believes in Love at First Conversation

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 18 Jun 2025 09:00:00 +0000

The director Celine Song won over audiences and critics alike with her first feature film, “Past Lives,” the semi-autobiographical tale of a married Korean American woman meeting up with her former childhood sweetheart. Now Song is back with another story about love called “Materialists.” This time the main character is a matchmaker, a job that Song did briefly in her early 20s.

Today on the show, Song reads Louise Rafkin’s Modern Love essay “My View From the Margins,” about a relationship columnist who can’t figure out love in her own life. And Song tells us how neither falling in love at age 24 nor making a career of writing about love has brought her any closer to understanding it. “It’s the one thing that makes me feel like a fool,” Song says.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

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Open Your Heart and Loosen Up! Therapist Terry Real’s Advice for Fathers

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 11 Jun 2025 09:00:00 +0000

For Father’s Day, the Modern Love team asked for your stories about fatherhood and emotional vulnerability. We heard from listeners who told us that their dads rarely expressed their emotions, from listeners whose fathers wore their hearts on their sleeves and from fathers themselves who were trying to navigate parenting with emotional honesty and sensitivity. Your stories had one thing in common: even just a peek into your father’s emotional world meant so much.

On this episode of Modern Love, we hear your stories about your dads. Then, Terry Real, a family therapist, returns to the show to offer his advice on being a father while also showing kids what it means to be emotionally vulnerable and available. He offers his philosophy around parenting through a combination of techniques.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

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First Love Mixtape: Side B (Encore)

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 4 Jun 2025 09:00:00 +0000

In last week’s episode, the Modern Love team shared the songs that taught us about love when we were young. But in this week’s episode, we hear from you, our listeners, about the songs that helped shape your ideas about love.

We heard from present-day teens streaming their anthems on repeat, and we heard from listeners who have been with their partners for over 50 years. There were stories of jazz and rap; adrenaline rushes and loneliness; and many hard-won lessons in matters of the heart. (“Don’t let your friends choose your boyfriends,” Amy from St. Louis said.) We share a compilation of some of your songs and stories in the first half of our episode.

And we finish our episode with an essay about the end of love. After more than 50 years of marriage, Tina Welling decided that she wanted a divorce — a decision that turned out to be liberating.

Thank you to all of the listeners who sent us their teenage anthems. We’ve compiled them into one glorious Spotify playlist.

[You can listen to this episode above, or on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.]

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

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First Love Mixtape: Side A (Encore)

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 28 May 2025 09:00:00 +0000

This episode of “Modern Love” features Lisa Selin Davis’s essay “What Lou Reed Taught Me About Love.” She writes about how the song “I’ll Be Your Mirror” became the soundtrack to her summer romance with a floppy-haired “rocker kid” who inadvertently helped her find healing. Then, we hear from some members of the “Modern Love” team about the songs that influenced them as teenagers and about the memories — funny, empowering, nostalgic — that they carry with them.

Stay tuned for next week’s episode, where we’ll hear from our listeners about the songs that taught them about love.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

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Friends for 16 Years. Lovers for One Night.

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 21 May 2025 09:00:00 +0000

Elizabeth and Jeff were best friends. They did everything together, from early-morning runs to late-night karaoke sessions. They came up with secret code names for each other and went on undercover missions in their neighborhood. They fought, and made up, and fought some more.

Beneath their playful dynamic, an attraction was growing between them, but Elizabeth never wanted to risk the friendship by exploring it. Then Jeff got sick, and things changed. In this episode, the story of a once-in-a-lifetime friendship, from the very beginning to the very end.

This episode is adapted from Elizabeth Laura Nelson’s 2025 essay Friends for 16 Years. Lovers for One Night.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

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Why Boys and Men Are Floundering, According to Relationship Therapist Terry Real

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 14 May 2025 09:00:00 +0000

A session with Terry Real, a marriage and family therapist, can get uncomfortable. He’s known to mirror and amplify the emotions of his clients, sometimes cursing and nearly yelling, often in an attempt to get men in touch with the emotions they’re not used to honoring.

Real says men are often pushed to shut off their expression of vulnerability when they’re young as part of the process of becoming a man. That process, he says, can lead to myriad problems in their relationships. He sees it as his job to pull them back into vulnerability and intimacy, reconfiguring their understanding of masculinity in order to build more wholesome and connected families.

In this episode, Real explains why vulnerability is so essential to healthy masculinity and why his work with men feels more urgent than ever. He explains why he thinks our current models of masculinity are broken and what it will take to build new ones.

This episode was inspired by a New York Times Magazine piece, “How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me” by Daniel Oppenheimer.

The “Modern Love” podcast team is planning a second episode with Real, focused on fatherhood. He has agreed to give our listeners advice on fatherhood, whether you’re an experienced dad, an expecting dad or otherwise dad-adjacent. For example, maybe you want advice on how to parent in a world filled with so many mixed messages about how men should be or on how to repair a mistake you made as a dad. Maybe there are elements of fatherhood you’re still figuring out or are unsure of. Record your questions as a voice memo and email them to modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com.

Tips for recording: Please avoid recording where there is a lot of background noise. If you are using your smartphone to record your voice memo, please speak into your phone’s built-in microphone from a few inches away. Your recording may not be usable if you use Bluetooth earbuds or if you are too close or too far from the phone. It works best when you tell us your story as if you are speaking to a friend rather than reading it from a written statement. Be as concise as you can, and please listen back to it to make sure the recording is complete. You can find further tips for recording here, and find our submission terms here.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to the New York Times

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A Mother’s Fierce, Extravagant Love (Encore)

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 7 May 2025 09:00:00 +0000

In honor of Mother’s Day this week, we revisit the story of one mom who went to extraordinary lengths to make sure her daughter always felt her love, even after she was gone.

Each time Genevieve Kingston reached a milestone — a birthday, her first period, high school graduation, she’d reach into the box her mom had packed for her and pull out the note and gift that went with that occasion. Her mom had known she was dying of cancer, so during Kingston’s childhood, she’d poured an incredible amount of care and creativity into the project. Today we hear Kingston’s essay about the discoveries the box held for her, from her first birthday without her mom at age 12, into her 30s.

We also hear a mother’s "Tiny Love Story" (a Modern Love essay in miniature) about trying to connect with her teenage son, and get his surprisingly thoughtful reaction.

Listener Callout:

How did your dad express his feelings? Tell us your story in a voice memo, and you might hear yourself in a future episode. For Father’s Day, the Modern Love team is looking at different ways dads show their feelings, and we want to know about a moment when your dad opened up to you. Where were you? What did he do or say? How did you react? Did it have a lasting impact on you? And if you’re a dad, how do you think about showing emotion or vulnerability when you’re with your kids? Is it something you do intentionally? Does it feel easy? Hard? The deadline is May 15. Submission instructions are here

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Miranda July Knew Exactly What She Was Doing

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 09:00:00 +0000

It’s been almost a year since Miranda July released her hit novel, “All Fours.” The novel features a woman in her mid-40s who heads out on a solo road trip across the country, only to stop at a roadside motel 30 minutes from her home. She winds up staying there for three weeks, exploring and questioning what she actually wants and needs out of midlife, things she can’t really focus on when she’s busy being a wife, a mom and a working artist. In the motel, she redecorates the room, designs her days the way she wants to and gets in touch with her changing desires.

In the past year, this book has become a touchstone for how our culture addresses women in perimenopause. It’s expanded beyond the page to a kind of movement. Soon after the book’s release, women started writing to July with their own stories. She started a Substack to keep those conversations going. People organized discussion groups all over the world called All Fours Group Chats. Hats were made. “All Fours” was shortlisted for the National Book Award, and it’s currently being adapted into a limited TV series. The paperback version of the novel will be released May 13.

In this week’s episode of Modern Love, July talks about the anger and desire that shaped the writing of “All Fours.” And she reflects on why this novel is inspiring to some, and threatening to others, in this cultural moment.

Listener Callout:

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

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You’re Probably Thinking About Boundaries All Wrong

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 23 Apr 2025 09:00:00 +0000

KC Davis is a therapist and author known for her practical, empathetic advice on dealing with clutter, even when you are feeling like too much of a mess yourself to take care of the mess in your home. Her TikTok videos on the subject have been viewed millions of times. But lately, Davis has been talking and writing about our relationships not just to the objects in our lives, but to the people, too.

In her new book, “Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship,” Davis tries to disentangle the popular understanding of boundaries, saying the concept is widely misunderstood. She offers a guide to forming and keeping boundaries that help readers better navigate their conflicts with other people.

On this episode of “Modern Love," Davis tells us what she thinks we get wrong about boundaries and how we should be thinking about them instead. She reads the Modern Love essay “Is My Husband a Doormat?” about a sudden argument between a couple 20 years into their relationship and talks about how boundaries can help defuse such situations. Davis also tells us how boundaries helped heal her own relationship with her father.

The author of today’s featured essay, Lidija Hilje, has a new novel coming out in July called “Slanting Towards the Sea.“

For an upcoming episode about location sharing, the Modern Love team wants to hear your location-sharing story. Did something happen that made you regret sharing your location with someone? Was there a moment when you were thankful that you had? Where were you? What happened? How did your relationship change as a result? The deadline is May 1. Submission instructions are here.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times

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Gen X? More Like Gen Sex.

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 16 Apr 2025 09:00:00 +0000

Mireille Silcoff recently wrote an article for The New York Times Magazine titled “Why Gen X Women Are Having the Best Sex.” At a time of life when many women describe feeling less visible and less desirable, Silcoff said, her life instead “exploded in a detonation of sex confetti.”

On today’s episode, Silcoff shares the juicy back story to her popular article, from her coming of age in Montreal to the surprising sexual resurgence she experienced after her divorce. Silcoff reflects on what it feels like to be a highly sexual person in her early 50s and tells us how being part of Gen X is central to her newfound freedom.

For an upcoming episode about location sharing, the Modern Love team wants to hear your location-sharing story. Did something happen that made you regret sharing your location with someone? Was there a moment when you were thankful that you had? Where were you? What happened? How did your relationship change as a result? The deadline is May 1. Submission instructions are here.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

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Let Yourself Rage With Poet Laureate Ada Limón

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 9 Apr 2025 09:00:00 +0000

As U.S. poet laureate, Ada Limón has had a far-reaching impact. She has visited readers and writers across the country, installed poems at majestic sites in national parks, and she even wrote a poem that’s engraved inside a NASA spacecraft on its way to Jupiter.

Today on the show, though, our host Anna Martin talks with Limón about something more personal and intimate: What happens when writers fall hopelessly in love. She reads a Modern Love essay about a novelist whose debilitating crush on a poet gives her a bad case of writer’s block (before leaving her with a badly broken heart). Limón also tells Anna why feeling anger and grief when we’re despairing can be the path to feeling more alive, and she explains why a pair of old sweatpants belong in a love poem as much as bees and flowers do.

Ada Limón’s recent book, “You Are Here: Poetry in the Natural World” can be found here.

Lily King’s Modern Love essay, “An Empty Heart Is One That Can Be Filled” can be found here.

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My Brother Has Schizophrenia. This Is How I Love Him.

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 2 Apr 2025 09:00:00 +0000

Growing up, Jamie Shandro was interested in science, while her younger brother, Tim, liked art. When they were in their twenties, they both landed in Seattle: Jamie for medical school and Tim for art school. They were closer than ever. But as Jamie was finishing up a rotation in psychiatry, Tim started behaving strangely.

In this episode of Modern Love, Jamie tells the story of the frightening onset of her little brother’s mental illness and the parts of his personality and creativity that remain. Plus, she talks about how helping Tim has shaped her, as a person, and a doctor.

This episode is adapted from Jamie Shandro’s 2025 essay My Brother Has Schizophrenia. This Is How I Love Him.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times

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I Got Addicted to Love and Came Out the Other Side

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 26 Mar 2025 09:00:00 +0000

If you know one thing about Orville Peck, it’s probably that he wears a mask. The country musician has long kept himself shrouded in mystery, shielding his face from the public and revealing few details about his past. His music, however, is full of emotional honesty and vulnerability — he told the Modern Love podcast that most of his lyrics are about his life — and his songs are imbued with a deep sense of longing.

In this episode, Peck talks about why country music uniquely captures our complicated feelings about love, and why love and pain are so often intertwined. He reads a Modern Love essay, “Strung Out on Love and Checked In for Treatment” by Rachel Yoder, about love addiction, and discusses what it takes to pull yourself from its distressing grip.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times

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How I Decentered Men and Learned to Center Myself

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 09:00:00 +0000

Natasha Rothwell plays characters who are constantly trying to improve and to better understand their desires. This season on “The White Lotus,” Rothwell, an Emmy-nominated actress, is back playing Belinda, a striving spa manager with dreams of becoming her own boss. Ambitions like these are relatable to Rothwell, who created and starred in her own show, “How to Die Alone.” But as she and her characters have learned, going after what you want often means changing your priorities and steering away from certain types of people.

Today on the show, Rothwell reads Jasmine Browley’s Modern Love essay, “I Decentered Men. Decentering Desire for Men Is Harder,” about the challenges and joys of putting your own needs first. And Rothwell tells Anna Martin how vision boarding has helped her center herself.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

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How to Get Talking Again, With Lucy Dacus of boygenius

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 12 Mar 2025 09:00:00 +0000

On her fourth solo album, “Forever Is a Feeling” (out March 28), Lucy Dacus contemplates the fears and delights that go along with falling hard for someone. The song “Best Guess” celebrates the leap of faith involved in committing to a partner with the knowledge that both of you will change over time. And in another track called “Talk,” a couple realizes they’ve grown apart because they have nothing more to say to each other.

In this episode, Dacus reads Molly Pascal’s Modern Love essay, “How the ‘Dining Dead’ Got Talking Again,” about a husband and wife who set out to bring conversation back into their marriage. And Dacus tells Anna Martin why she’s not afraid to put in the work for long-term love.

Molly Pascal’s essay can be found here.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

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If You Want This Kind of Love, Don’t Expect It to Be Easy

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 5 Mar 2025 10:00:00 +0000

When Samaiya Mushtaq was growing up, she imagined marrying a kind Muslim man, and at 21, she did. But while studying to become a psychiatrist in medical school, she realized her husband couldn’t meet her emotional needs — something she deeply craved. Despite the shame she felt, she got a divorce.

In this episode, Mushtaq shares the twists and turns of her unexpected second chance at love, where service is at the center. From working in health care during the pandemic to building a family to undertaking harrowing service trips to Gaza, she found what she truly needed in a marriage — only after letting go of what she thought she wanted.

Samaiya Mushtaq’s memoir will be published by Daybreak Press next winter.

This episode was inspired by her 2023 essay, “Must We Feel Shame Over Divorce?”

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times

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Carrie Coon on What Being Worthy of Love Really Means

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 26 Feb 2025 10:00:00 +0000

In the movie “His Three Daughters,” Carrie Coon’s character, Katie, has rigid ideas about who her sisters are and what they’re capable of. When the women reunite to care for their dying father, those ideas become a barrier to true connection and care for each other.

In this episode, Coon reads the Modern Love essay “A Family Label, Ungarbled” by Harriet Brown. Growing up, the author was never sure she could feel real love. It took breaking out of her mother’s ideas of her, and the birth of her daughter, to learn what love meant. Coon relates the essay to her own experience, describing her early dating life as tumultuous and recalling relationships she continued out of pity rather than love. Until one day, Coon got a letter from her grandmother that changed everything.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times.

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Why Gossiping Could Help Your Love Life

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 19 Feb 2025 10:00:00 +0000

For Kelsey McKinney, the author of the new book, “You Didn’t Hear This From Me: (Mostly) True Notes on Gossip,” spreading a good story occupied a morally gray zone throughout her childhood.

McKinney, who is also the former host of the podcast, “Normal Gossip,” talks with Modern Love’s Anna Martin about navigating the ups and downs of gossiping in her own life.

McKinney also reads the Modern Love essay “We Were a Party of Two, but Never Quite Alone” by Linda Button, who tells the story of how gossiping with her rich suitor’s exes brought the euphoria of her relationship back down to earth. While reading Button’s essay, McKinney fields questions from Martin so they can do some gossiping of their own.

How to submit a Tiny Love Story.

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How to Fall (and Stay) in Love

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 12 Feb 2025 10:00:00 +0000

The Modern Love team asked you to share with us the moment you knew you were falling in love, and you delivered. Your stories took us to so many places — dinner dates, subway rides, sunsets, concerts — and showed us the many shapes of love. There were so many that we could not list them all.

In this episode, we listen back to your voice messages. Then, Daniel Jones, the editor of Modern Love, joins us to discuss the “36 Questions That Lead to Love” and what they reveal about how we fall in love. And Mandy Len Catron, the writer who popularized the 36 questions in her Modern Love essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” reads her essay and tells us whether she’s still in love with the same man 10 years later.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times

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He’s Gay. She’s Straight. They’re Newlyweds.

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 5 Feb 2025 10:00:00 +0000

You can read Jacob and Samantha’s Mini-Vows profile in the Styles section.

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times

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That Time I Bought My Husband’s Girlfriend a Burial Plot

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 10:00:00 +0000

When Robin Eileen Bernstein’s almost-ex-husband, Mark, died of a heart attack, she suddenly found herself comforting her husband’s grieving girlfriend. Robin and Mark had been living apart for two years, but legally she was still the wife, so it was up to her to make the burial arrangements. Would offering to buy the girlfriend an adjoining plot make her feel less alone?

On this episode of “Modern Love,” Robin explains how she ended up buying her soon-to-be-ex’s girlfriend a burial plot — and who might actually end up being buried there.

Robin Eileen Bernstein’s Modern Love essay, “Here Lie the Bickersons, Side-by-Side for All Eternity,” can be found here.

Listener alert: For our upcoming Valentine’s Day episode, the “Modern Love” team wants to know about a moment when you knew you were falling for someone. Whether it happened all at once or it was a gradual process, we want to know how it happened for you. Where were you? What did it feel like? What did you do next? (You can tell us about a relationship you’re currently in, a past love or something happening to you right now.) The deadline is Feb. 5. Submission instructions are here.

How to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times

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Neko Case: ‘If I Didn’t Yell the Truth, What Good Was I?

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 22 Jan 2025 10:00:00 +0000

In a new memoir out next week, the singer-songwriter Neko Case shares some painful childhood memories. In the studio with Anna Martin, Case is open and unapologetically angry as she describes being treated like “an unwanted child.” Both parents, she says, struggled with trauma and addiction. They often left her with no food and only her pets for company. Case also reads a Modern Love essay about the complex heartbreak that comes with being estranged from a parent with an addiction, and the joys of finding love and acceptance in the wake of that pain.

Neko Case’s memoir, “The Harder I Fight the More I Love You,” comes out Jan. 28.

Caitlin McCormick’s Modern Love essay, “My Mother, the Stranger,” can be found here. McCormick, who recently published a short fiction piece in The Sewanee Review, is working on a novel.

Listener callout alert: For our upcoming Valentine’s Day episode, the Modern Love team wants to hear about a moment when you knew you were falling for someone. Whether it happened all at once or as a gradual process, we want to learn about how it happened. Where were you? What did it feel like? What did you do next? (You can tell us about a current relationship, a past love or something happening to you right now.)

The deadline is Feb. 5, 2025. The submission instructions are here.

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times

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Hank Azaria’s Advice for Overcoming Codependency

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 15 Jan 2025 10:00:00 +0000

Hank Azaria is used to putting on other personalities. You probably know him best from his work as a voice actor on “The Simpsons,” where he plays Moe the bartender, Professor Frink, Chief Wiggum and Snake Jailbird, among many others. His list of credits in stage plays, movies and TV shows is prolific, including roles like his Tony-nominated performance in “Spamalot,” Phoebe’s boyfriend on “Friends” and the dog walker on “Mad About You.” But at a certain point in his life, Azaria realized that he was using humor and acting to be anyone but himself, and that it was affecting his real-life relationships. After five devastating heartbreaks, he resolved to look inward, address his codependency issues and become his most authentic self.

In this episode, Azaria tells us how he found authenticity and reads the Modern Love essay “In Defense of My Emu Tattoo,” about an author who masks his true self by using humor but eventually finds love by learning to be himself.

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times

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Finding the Magic, Just in Time

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 8 Jan 2025 10:00:00 +0000

When Clare Cory was a young girl, she dreamed of love. But by the time she turned 50, Clare hadn’t found it. Still, she took a look around and found she was happy and was looking forward to the future. Clare fell in love with life. She saw a flower bloom, watched sunlight sparkle on the water and held her cat on her lap. Her heart was full.

Then, to her surprise, as Clare faced cancer and was about to turn 60, romance arrived.

On today’s episode, Clare explains how she fell in love and began sharing her life at a time when she least expected.

This episode is adapted from Clare’s Tiny Love Story from 2024, "Finally Finding ‘The Magic.'"

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The Appeal of the Smaller Breasts: From ‘The Daily’

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 25 Dec 2024 10:00:00 +0000

This week on the “Modern Love” podcast, we’re sharing an episode from another New York Times podcast: “The Daily.”

For decades, breast augmentations have been one of the most popular cosmetic surgeries in the United States. But in recent years, a new trend has emerged: the breast reduction. Lisa Miller, who reported the story for The Times, explores why this procedure has become so common with Rachel Abrams, the episode’s host.

This episode originally aired Nov. 20, 2024. You can find “The Daily” wherever you listen to “Modern Love.”

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times.

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Your Worst Dates Ever: With Joel Kim Booster

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 18 Dec 2024 10:00:00 +0000

It felt as if the dating world hit a breaking point this year. With news headlines like “Is Dating a Total Nightmare for You Right Now?” and “Why the Young and the Single Can’t Commit to Dating Apps” appearing frequently, it became clear that there was a lot of pent up frustration.

We gave you all the opportunity to let it out, and asked you to send in voice memos about your worst dates. We enlisted the help of the actor Joel Kim Booster, who hosts the podcast Bad Dates, to turn your worst dates into tidbits of wisdom for a brand-new year of dating in 2025.

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times

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Dating Apps Suck. A.I. Clones Are Making Them Even Weirder.

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 11 Dec 2024 10:00:00 +0000

Fake profiles. Unresponsive texters. Boring conversations. An endless stream of dudes on boats holding the fish they’ve caught. Talk to single people using dating apps, and they are likely to tell you that the experience is awful, but that they have to be there. Dating apps are just how singles meet one another these days. But what if artificial intelligence could fix modern dating? The Times reporter Eli Tan explored that hypothesis.

Eli joined several new dating apps that seek to duplicate a user’s personality via chatbot and let the A.I. clone do the dating. He also received flirting advice from a squadron of A.I. dating coaches. He used that advice on real dates, actually trying to find a connection, to see how the A.I.’s guidance held up.

On this episode of Modern Love, Eli tells us what happened when he revealed his use of A.I. to his dates, and whether the technology may actually push us toward more authentic interactions on the apps.

One Bouquet of Fleeting Beauty, Please

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Three Powerful Lessons About Love (Encore)

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 4 Dec 2024 10:00:00 +0000

When Daniel Jones started the Modern Love column in 2004, he called for submissions and hoped the idea would catch on. Twenty years and over a thousand published essays later, Modern Love is a trove of real-life love stories.

Jones has put so much of himself into editing the column over the years, but as he tells Anna Martin, the host of the “Modern Love” podcast, the stories shared in the columns have influenced him, too. Today, he talks about three Modern Love essays that have changed the way he thinks about love and relationships.

Read the essays below:

Nursing a Wound in an Appropriate Setting

My First Lesson in Motherhood

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times

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Thanksgiving With My Wife and Girlfriend

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 20 Nov 2024 10:00:00 +0000

Townsend Davis had been married for more than a decade when his wife, Bridget, was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s disease. Their lives changed immediately. Townsend became Bridget’s caregiver, sorting her medication day after day, making their home accessible, and finding someone to look after her while he worked and raised their sons. He was committed to Bridget, and wanted to be there for her as her condition progressed.

One day, not long after her diagnosis, Bridget told Townsend she wanted him eventually to find a new partner. But Townsend couldn’t imagine it. Searching for another love seemed too complicated, and he was focused on caring for Bridget and raising their family.

Then, years later, Townsend met Deb.

On this episode of Modern Love, Townsend explains what it was like to forge a new partnership as he remained married to Bridget, and what happened when he brought his wife and his girlfriend together for a Thanksgiving dinner.

This episode is adapted from Townsend’s Modern Love essay from 2024, “A Family Dinner With My Wife and Girlfriend.”

Modern Love is looking for your stories! We’re working on an episode about the dating memories you want to forget. We want to know: What was the worst date you went on this year? What happened? And what are you trying to do differently when it comes to love in the new year? Whether you’re singled or partnered, tell us about your bad dates. Send us your story by recording a voice memo and emailing it to modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com. Please include your name and where you’re based. You might hear your voice on a future episode of Modern Love.

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times

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He Saved Me. Now It Was My Turn to Save Him.

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 13 Nov 2024 10:00:00 +0000

When Laura Cathcart Robbins checked into rehab for a severe Ambien addiction, all she could think about was getting out and going home to her two young sons. Laura was also in the middle of a divorce and facing a possible custody battle so she wasn’t looking to make her life more complicated. Laura tells the host Anna Martin about the unexpected bond she formed during the worst 30 days of her life and what happened when she came out the other side.

This episode is adapted from Laura’s 2024 essay, “Marriage Made an Actor Out of Me.” Her memoir, “Stash: My Life in Hiding” is available now, and she hosts a podcast called “The Only One in the Room.”

What were your worst dates of 2024? We’re working on an episode about the dating memories you want to forget. We want to know: What was the worst date you went on this year? What happened? And what do you want to do differently when it comes to love in the new year? You don’t have to be single to share your story. If you’re partnered and went on an awful date, we want to hear from you, too. Send us your story by recording a voice memo (just a few minutes long) and emailing it to modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com. Please include your name and where you’re from. You might hear your voice on a future episode of Modern Love.

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times

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Bridget Everett Says a Best Friend Can Be Your Greatest Love

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 6 Nov 2024 10:00:00 +0000

Stories of romantic love are everywhere, but the actor, singer and comedian Bridget Everett says great friendships deserve our time and attention, too. Not just onscreen, but in reality.

On the HBO Original series “Somebody Somewhere” (now in its third and final season), Everett stars as Sam, a character inspired by the actor’s own life. She tells Anna about how heartbreaking, hilarious and central platonic friendship is in the fictional world of the show, and in Everett’s own relationships.

Everett also reads a Modern Love essay called “When Your Greatest Romance Is a Friendship,” by the novelist Victor Lodato. Lodato was in his 40s when he accidentally found his “person,” and became the platonic life partner of an artist in her 80s who lived across the street.

“Somebody Somewhere” is now streaming on Max.

In April 2024, Lodato published “Honey,” a novel inspired by Austin Brayfield, the friend he wrote about in his essay.

Want to leave us a voice mail message on the Modern Love hotline? Call (212) 589-8962‬, and please include your name, hometown and a callback number.

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times

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My Dad Is George Lopez. We Healed Our Relationship With a Sitcom.

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 30 Oct 2024 09:00:00 +0000

The actress and producer Mayan Lopez has seen a majority of her life play out on television.

Her father, the comedian George Lopez, produced and starred in a hit ’90s sitcom based on his real-life relationship with Ann Serrano, Mayan’s mother. But their fictionalized story became a reality when she watched her parents go through a very messy, public divorce.

The experience could have shattered the family beyond repair. But more than a decade later, Mayan and her father have turned their painful experience into another sitcom on NBC, based on their relationship. It’s all very meta. The show is called “Lopez vs. Lopez.”

Mayan reads a Modern Love essay about a daughter who also watched her parents’ marriage fall apart, but then as an adult sees them repair their relationship. The essay, “The Original Conscious Uncouplers,” by Cole Kazdin, explores what it means to redefine what a family means after divorce.

Want to leave us a voice mail message on the Modern Love hotline? Call (212) 589-8962‬, and please include your name, hometown and a callback number.

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times

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One Last Conversation, With the Help of A.I.

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 23 Oct 2024 09:00:00 +0000

Madeline de Figueiredo lost her husband, Eli, just a year after they married. After his death, she tried everything she could to reconnect with him: cooking from his recipe book, dancing to playlists he made, watching videos of him and listening to voice mail messages he left her. But her grief persisted.

Then, on what was supposed to be Eli’s 27th birthday, Madeline realized she could use A.I. to recreate his voice and try to talk to him again. On this episode of the “Modern Love” podcast, Madeline tells us what it felt like to hear that recreation of Eli’s voice, and how it changed the way she reconnects with him.

This episode is adapted from Madeline’s Modern Love essay from 2024, “Our Last, Impossible Conversation.”

We want to hear from you! We’re looking for stories, thoughts and feelings about egg freezing. Are you planning to freeze your eggs? What are you considering? Have you frozen your eggs? What happened, and how do you feel about it now? Leave us a voice mail message on the Modern Love hotline at (212) 589-8962‬. Please include your name, hometown and a callback number.

Want to submit your own Modern Love essay to The New York Times? Read how, or consider submitting a Tiny Love Story.

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Amelia Dimoldenberg Can Teach You How to Flirt

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 16 Oct 2024 09:00:00 +0000

Whether it’s Cher or Paul Mescal, Amelia Dimoldenberg can turn her “dates” at a fast-food restaurant into chemistry-fueled, revealing interviews. The dates may be fake, but viewers are always left with the impression that the celebrity guest would probably be game for a second one.

Amelia reads a Modern Love essay from Rachel Fields, who is not sure how her last date has gone. After sending a risky text message, Rachel’s insecurities cloud her morning routine as she waits for a response. Amelia offers tips on how to soothe the anxieties that creep up in the early phases of dating, and how to feel confident throughout the process.

Her show, “Chicken Shop Date” is celebrating its 10th anniversary this month.

Want to leave us a voice mail message on the Modern Love hotline? Call (212) 589-8962‬ and please include your name, hometown, and a callback number in your message.

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times

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Andrew Garfield Wants to Crack Open Your Heart

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 9 Oct 2024 09:00:00 +0000

In the new movie “We Live in Time,” the actor Andrew Garfield plays a newly divorced man named Tobias who falls in love with a chef named Almut, played by Florence Pugh. Their story feels epic and expansive, but still intimate. It focuses on the small, everyday moments that make up a love story: washing dishes together after a dinner party, sharing biscuits, smelling fruit at a farmers’ market. These are the moments that sustain them through Almut’s excruciatingly difficult medical crisis.

In this episode, Garfield reads the Modern Love essay “Learning to Measure Time in Love and Loss,” by Chris Huntington. His reading was unlike any other in the history of this show. Mr. Garfield was so moved by Mr. Huntington’s essay that he spoke in a surprisingly raw way with the host Anna Martin about the need for art to crack us all open, including himself.

We want to hear from you! This year is the 20th anniversary of the Modern Love column, and we want to know what impact reading the column has had on you. Has reading Modern Love made a difference in how you think about your own relationships? How? Tell us by leaving a voice mail message at (212) 589-8962‬. Please include your name, hometown and a callback number, and you might hear yourself on a future episode.

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Were We the ‘Fat Couple’?

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 2 Oct 2024 09:00:00 +0000

Courtenay Hameister worked hard to stop feeling shame about her body size, but she also had a cruel inner monologue that just wouldn’t leave her alone. At times, her internalized fatphobia was so powerful, she couldn’t think about romance at all. But when Courtenay started dating Jason, everything felt different. He was fat, too, as well as smart, funny, and handsome.

When Courtenay realized she was starting to gain weight again, though, she became obsessed with the idea that other people were judging her and Jason, and she made a decision she would immediately regret.

This episode is adapted from her 2023 essay “Were We the ‘Fat Couple’?”

Leave a message on the Modern Love hotline! This year (2024) is the 20th anniversary of the Modern Love column, and we want to know what impact it has had on you. Has reading Modern Love made a difference in how you think about your own relationships? How? Tell us in a voice mail message at (212) 589-8962‬. Please include your name, location and callback number, and you might hear yourself on a future episode.

How to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times

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Myha’la’s Relationship Advice? Get in a Fight.

modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com (The New York Times) — Wed, 25 Sep 2024 09:00:00 +0000

On the HBO high finance drama “Industry,” basically everyone serves cruel insults. It’s part of the culture at their bank, Pierpoint. But Myha’la’s character, Harper Stern, goes after friends and enemies with deep, cutting verbal attacks.

Myha’la reads a Modern Love essay by a woman with the opposite problem: Laura Pritchett and her husband have avoided conflict for so long, she writes, that the fights they’re not having are tearing them apart. Myha’la also tells the host, Anna Martin, about the kind of communication style she strives to maintain, and what it’s like when she and her fiancé, Armando Rivera, find themselves in a fight.

The Season 3 finale of “Industry” drops Sunday night on HBO.

Laura Pritchett has written seven novels, including her latest, “Three Keys.”

Want to leave us a voice mail message on the Modern Love hotline? If so, please include your name, your hometown and a callback number in your message: (212) 589-8962‬